I Don't Believe in Vampires
by lazykate
Summary: "It was always you..." During a chance return to Forks, Bella Swan runs into her high school crush, only to discover that things were never as they appeared. What has Edward been waiting for all this time? A very-canon twist on Twilight, AU, ExB.
1. Chapter 1

This story was originally written as a one-shot for "The Sandbox Presents: Things That Go Bump in the Night" contest.

* * *

**Disclaimer: ****Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and its characters. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Chapter One  
**

Well, at least I didn't have to wear a costume.

I sighed as I shrugged into the black button-up dress shirt and tucked it neatly into the waistband of my pants. Lori had indicated that our dress code for the evening was all-black, to fit in with the theme of the Cullens' party, not to mention the holiday. It was Halloween, after all.

Strange, I'd moved to Port Angeles to get away from Forks, to put some distance between myself and all the memories there. And yet, here I was, getting ready to go back not just to Forks, but to the home of my high school crush, Edward Cullen. So strange how things come full circle.

Edward had become my default biology lab partner when I'd moved to Forks in the middle of my junior year. Jessica had warned on me on my first day there that the Cullens pretty much kept to themselves, and Edward was no exception. He didn't say a single word to me during that first class we had together, just leaned away with a disgusted look on his face. Not exactly a confidence booster. Then he'd been absent from school for a week. His first day back, he took the initiative and introduced himself, apologized for being rude, and we chatted about inconsequential things. The next day, he went back to ignoring me. He was polite when we had to work together on labs, but nothing otherwise.

I spent my summer break working at Newton's Sporting Goods and fending off Mike's frequent advances. Eww. I didn't ever see any of the Cullens, except for the two times I ended up at the hospital (broken knuckle and suspected concussion, respectively) and saw Edward's father, Dr. Cullen. He would always inquire as to how I was doing, how my summer was going, and we made small-talk as he checked me over. He never mentioned Edward and I never asked.

To my surprise, when school started again in the fall, Edward was in all of my classes. Every. Single. One. He was still ignoring me, though, so it didn't really matter. God, if he'd been a little friendlier and I'd been a little more confident, I could have maybe approached him about being study partners and gotten to know him better. I liked to think that I could have worked up to hinting that he should ask me out or something. He never turned in my direction, though, and so I spent the entire first semester in unrequited lust after the gorgeous guy that was never more than a seat or two away from me, all day long. I never told anyone, not Angela and definitely not Jess, who probably would have told Lauren and had a great laugh at my expense. Edward Cullen wasn't interested in dating anyone at Forks High, and _definitely_ not quiet mousy Bella.

But then Charlie suffered a fatal heart attack three days after Christmas and even after I finally went back to school a month later, everything in my life had become blurred around the edges and slightly out of focus. Renee had pleaded with me to come and live with her and Phil, but I knew I would be headed right back into the same situation I'd avoided by going to live with Charlie in the first place. Charlie's house was sold, and with Renee's reluctant approval, I went to live with my best friend Jacob and his dad Billy in their shoebox house on the reservation. The Quileutes became my second family and surrounded me with love, they kept me from going off the deep end after Charlie's death. But even my memories of living in that little shoebox house were blurry. The only thing I remembered with any clarity of detail was that when I went back to school, Edward started talking to me again.

Of course, by then it was a bit late.

One week after graduation I put the boxes of my belongings into the back of my truck, headed for Port Angeles, rented an apartment, and enrolled at Peninsula College, just as I knew Charlie would have wanted. Jacob and Billy had been sad to see me go, but understood that I needed to get away from Forks and just made me promise that I'd let them know if I ever needed help, and to come back to visit every once in a while.

That had been almost four and a half months ago, and I hadn't been back.

I had enough money to be comfortable, with the sale of the house and Charlie's life insurance policy, but I'd picked up a job part-time with Lori and her catering company, Classic Creations. She specialized in smaller high-end gigs, and I helped out whenever she needed an extra pair of hands. Tonight I was going to be a waiter at the Cullens' party, back in Forks.

Evidently Dr. Cullen was throwing the bash as a going-away and retirement party for another one of the doctors at Forks Hospital. Dr. Gerandy was seventy-five years old, had lived in the area for most of his life, and was beloved by the entire community. Quite a few former Forks residents were actually coming back into town for this party to wish him well. So that the party would feel welcoming to all instead of stuffy, it was being held at the Cullens' home instead of at a hotel ballroom or reception hall.

I hadn't told Jake or Billy yet that I would be back in town. I decided that I'd see how I felt after the party, and maybe give them a call and crash at their place instead of driving back to Port Angeles.

Sighing, I gave myself a little shake. I needed to get going pretty soon or I'd be late, Lori had asked me to be there by 7:00. I quickly put my hair up into a French twist, slicked on some lipgloss, and tucked my driver's license and some cash into a small wallet that slipped into my pants' pocket. Five minutes later I was in my truck and headed back towards Forks.

The drive was uneventful and soon enough I was slowing down to turn into the Cullens' drive. Someone had been thoughtful enough to wrap orange twinkle lights around the trees on either side of the drive, fortunate since the cutoff wasn't marked in any other way and I probably would have completely missed it.

I'd never visited the Cullens' home before, but I'd heard plenty about it and as I pulled within sight of the gigantic white house, I understood why they could easily have a party here. The place was huge. Following Lori's directions from earlier, I drove around behind the house and parked next to the Classic Creations van. Lori, I knew, had been here since early this afternoon.

I sat for a moment, looking up at the gorgeous white house, and wondered if Edward would be there tonight. Technically, I wasn't there to mingle with the invited guests, but surely if he were there I could at least say hello and ask how he was doing. It was the least I could do to acknowledge his kindness towards me in the later half of our senior year.

When Edward had started talking to me again, after I'd returned to school in late January, it was at first just kind routine inquiries, the type that I received everywhere I went. Charlie had been the small-town police chief, and now that small town's eyes were trained sympathetically on his daughter. Edward gave me his phone number and told me to call him if I ever needed help catching up on my schoolwork, or if I wanted to study together. I never did. He made sure that I took notes throughout the classes we had together, and if I zoned out too much and forgot, he would give me his. He always appeared conveniently in line behind me at lunch and made sure that I actually put food on my tray, before I went to sit with Jess and Angela and he went to his own table with Alice, the only one of his siblings still at Forks High. After a while he started making little jokes here and there, trying to coax a smile out of me. It was never anything more than friendliness, but it was enough that I actually remembered those moments from a period when everything else was somewhat lacking in my memory. They were moments I would have thrilled to if the numbness of Charlie's death hadn't surrounded me. At graduation, he'd come up to me and taken my hand. I could recall in perfect detail how chilly his skin was, but I remembered being surprised at the unexpected contact, and his words to me: "Be safe, Bella." Even at the time, they'd seemed strange, but in the next moment his sister Alice had pulled me into a strong hug, yet another surprise since I barely knew her.

"It will all work out, I know it!" she'd whispered in my ear. I'd puzzled over her strange words, but it was graduation and everyone was either crying or hugging or promising to keep in touch no matter what. One week later I'd left for Port Angeles and I hadn't seen any of the Cullens since then.

And so it was very strange that now here I sat, behind the Cullens' gorgeous home, thinking about what had been, what could have been, and the strange little detours that life will send you on.

My phone chirped with an incoming call, and I saw it was Lori. Instead of answering, I opened the truck's door, took a deep breath of the damp autumn air, and walked towards the back door, leaving my jacket behind in the truck. Inside was a buzz of activity: the Cullens had evidently hired a company to decorate the house in a Halloween theme, and I knew that guests were supposed to be arriving in costume. It seemed a strange combination, Halloween party and retirement celebration, but the festive holiday atmosphere did lighten the mood. Maybe on second thought, it was a pretty clever idea.

The kitchen was easy to find, and Lori's face relaxed visibly when she saw me. "Oh Bella, thank goodness you're here. Paula just called off, if you can believe it? The biggest party I've had all season, and she waits until an hour before to call off. It'll be you, Penny, and Tony working the floor tonight. They aren't doing a sit-down dinner or anything like that, so just keep the appetizers moving and clean up as it's needed. We'll do champagne as the party gets going for the toast, but then they'll have a separate bar for drinks. Mrs. Cullen asked that we start serving the desserts around nine-thirty, so you'll probably be out of here by ten-thirty at the latest. Tony is going to help me break down. Okay?"

I nodded. One of the great things about Lori was that she planned everything down to the tiniest detail. It made my job easier: circulate with the hors d'oeuvres, smile at the guests, remember my p's and q's, pick up abandoned dishware, and generally make sure I represented Lori's company as well as possible. It wasn't rocket science, and she paid pretty well since she often had to call on me last-minute. Paula skipping out would make things a little more hectic, but I wasn't too worried since this wasn't a snooty high society-gig.

I helped Lori finish prepping the last of the hot apps, ready to go into the oven before service, and put the finishing touches on the cold apps. Penny and Tony arrived, and soon enough, we heard the increasing babble of arriving guests in the next room. Mrs. Cullen came into the kitchen just then.

"I think things are ready to get started, we'll probably kick things off officially with the toast in a few minutes, Lori." She smiled at each of us, then came up to me. "Bella, dear, how are you doing? I'd heard you moved to Port Angeles?"

I was stunned. My departure from Forks had barely been noticed by some of my friends, and yet Esme Cullen was aware of it? "I'm taking classes at Peninsula College now," I squeaked out, remembering my manners.

She nodded, her smile growing even wider. "That's wonderful, I'm glad to hear it. Edward always spoke so fondly of you, and of course we all dearly miss your father. I'd wondered where your after-school plans had taken you."

I ducked my head, completely floored by her words. Edward had mentioned ME to his mother? And not just mentioned, but "spoke fondly of?" _That_ was interesting to hear, to say the least. Esme inhaled sharply as if to say something else, but instead paused, reached out to gently touch my cheek, and then left the kitchen.

Lori eyed me curiously. "You know the Cullens?" With all the expensive society parties she catered, she had a very strict no-fraternization policy. We were there to serve the food and make sure the client was satisfied at the end of the night. We were _not _there to schmooze or pal around with the guests. With all of the high-profile clients she'd had, it was a necessary policy and I understood where she was coming from.

"Well no, I mean, yes, I guess…I went to school with their kids, and I've met Dr. Cullen a few times. They're nice people."

"Oh, I didn't realize that." I nodded silently, and thankfully Lori's attention was diverted as she and Tony began popping open the bottles of champagne. Penny lined up the glasses and for a while we were completely occupied with filling rows upon rows of champagne flutes and arranging them on trays. Penny, Tony and I carefully carried them into the living room when they were all filled, allowing the guests to pick them off our trays. This was always the part of working these gigs that made me nervous, it would be true Bella Swan style to trip and dump a tray full of champagne flutes all over an honored guest or thousand-dollar outfit. I kept my eyes fixed steadily between where I placed my feet and where my tray was in relation to my body and soon enough the three of us had distributed champagne to all the guests present. We retreated back towards the kitchen to get ready to distribute the hors d'oeuvres, when I allowed myself a glance back into the gigantic living room.

They were just starting the little speeches and toasts, the room crammed with smiling people raising their glasses. Everyone had indeed come in costume and there were witches, ghosts, and zombies, along with more creative costumes such as Albert Einstein, an Egyptian pharaoh, and even a Beyonce or two. I thought I saw Alice Cullen dressed up as the sexy genie from _I Dream of Jeannie_, but with the blonde wig I wasn't sure. Dr. and Mrs. Cullen were dressed up as a royal couple from a time past, Esme's gown looked like real silk and a bejeweled crown sparkled convincingly on her head, while Dr. Cullen somehow managed to make knee-length breeches and a spangly jacket look good. I didn't see anyone that I could tell was Edward anywhere.

_He's probably not even here_. I remember Edward mentioning during one of our mostly-one-sided conversations that he'd been accepted to Dartmouth College. There was no reason for him to have flown back across the country for a party in the middle of the semester. My shoulders sagged, but I wasn't sure if it was in relief or disappointment.

The toasts were made, the hot apps were ready to circulate soon enough, and I busied myself working around the room, picking up empty champagne flutes. There wasn't a still moment with us being down one person, so time flew by very quickly. It wasn't until my stomach growled rather loudly that I peeked at my watch and was surprised at the time. No wonder I was starving, I'd only pecked at my breakfast that morning and I'd forgotten to eat lunch.

I went back into the kitchen, only to find it empty. It was usually at this point, when the party relaxed into its groove but before dessert service, when Lori took a well-earned break and went outside for a breather and sit-down. There were still plenty of the apps sitting on the counter, cooling on the trays, so I took the opportunity to pop one into my mouth. Mmm, mussels wrapped in pancetta. Absolutely delicious. I swallowed it down and grabbed another one, knowing that Lori wouldn't care. The flavor was absolutely perfect, and I savored the second one, chewing more slowly and sliding the app off its skewer, pulling the wooden stick carefully out from between my teeth.

"Hungry?"

I let out a muffled yelp and half-choked on the morsel of food in my mouth, I hadn't realized anyone else was in the room. I coughed once and then hastily swallowed, rapidly blinked back the water in my eyes, and turned around towards the voice.

"Sorry, you just really surprised me…" I muttered apologetically, probably turning ten shades of red, when I realized that the figure lounging easily against the doorframe was Edward Cullen.

He looked the same, in fact it was remarkable how he hadn't changed at all in the months since I last saw him. The same tousled bronze hair, the same beautiful eyes, the same perfect face that would make a supermodel cry in envy. He was dressed casually in jeans and a black t-shirt that hugged his carved arms and chest, and a half-smirk sat on his full lips. "Hello, Bella."

"Ed-ward? I…hi, how are you?" I knew the words sounded stupid as soon as they'd left my lips. I sounded more like a groupie meeting her rock idol than a woman greeting a former classmate. Even if that classmate had been her secret high school crush and the subject of more than a few naughty dreams since then.

Edward pushed himself away from the doorframe and came towards me, his movements as graceful as I remembered, easy and sinuous as a mountain lion moving through the forest. "I'm fine, Bella, and how are you?"

"I'm…okay. Just working, you know."

He nodded. "My mother told me that you were here. Imagine my surprise." It wasn't a question, and I wasn't quite sure how to take it. Was he surprised because he was happy to see me again? Or surprised that his former classmate was now the hired help at a party thrown by his wealthy parents? I felt myself flushing at the thought…I had never really thought of myself as "the help" at any of the gigs I'd worked for Lori, but somehow the familiarity of this one made me feel as though I were at a disadvantage. Here he was in town from Dartmouth for his parents' party – no, _function_ – and I was picking up dirty napkins that the guests had casually discarded on the side tables.

Why couldn't I have met him again on more equal terms? Why couldn't we have run into each other in Port Angeles, or when I eventually got around to visiting Jake and Billy? Why were we right back where we'd parted, where I was boring and clumsy little Bella Swan, while he was a gorgeous and privileged Cullen? My face flamed and I knew I ought to buck up, that no one could make me feel this way except for _me_, but I couldn't help it. In that moment, I knew very clearly what I'd never truly realized back in high school…he was too good for me. He probably had a beautiful socialite girlfriend back in New Hampshire, that is if she wasn't here tonight. He and his family simply moved in different circles from plain old me, there was no reason why he would ever want what I had to offer.

Standing directly in front of me now, Edward lifted his hand to pluck the empty wooden skewer from between my frozen fingers. "You're wrong, you know, what you're thinking." He tossed the skewer onto the marble countertop, and it was then that I noticed how close he was. He smelled so incredibly good, I could actually _smell_ him, he was so close, and it was absolutely intoxicating.

"What am I thinking, that's wrong?" I asked slowly, too dazzled by his proximity to put together a wittier answer. Edward put one hand on the countertop behind me, next to my hip, and then lifted his other hand to run the length of his index finger along my cheekbone.

"You're perfect," he breathed into my ear, leaning even closer before. "Perfect, beautiful, in every way. Why _wouldn't_ I want you?" The tingles running through my body started feeling more like jolts of electricity then, and I fleetingly wondered if someone had slipped something illicit into my glass of water. There was no way this could be real…two minutes ago I'd been noshing on Italian bacon, thinking about my growling stomach, now _Edward Cullen_ had me pinned up against the cold hard counter in his kitchen, calling me beautiful. This kind of thing only happened in movies and on soap operas, not in real life. Was he messing with me?

"You…you could have mentioned that when we were back in high school," I managed to squeak out. "You know, back when I actually had a crush on you?"

The half-smile that had been on his lips pulled into a full one as he looked down, letting his fingertip slide down my cheek, over my jaw, down the column of my neck, and settling on my collarbone, just barely exposed by the unbuttoned collar of my shirt. "You had a crush on me?"

Oh shit, had I said that out loud? _Backtrack Bella, backtrack!_ _Save face!_ "Well, along with the entire female population of Forks High, that is."

"Hmm," he mused, his fingertip running just slightly back-and-forth on my collarbone. "But what about _you_, Bella?"

I rolled my eyes. Really? Was he really going to do this Don Juan routine in the kitchen of his parents' home? Did he think it was as though we were right back in biology class, meeting for the first time, and that he hadn't _ignored_ me for months afterward? "Yes, of course I had a crush on you. Too bad you couldn't be bothered to talk to me and find out." The words came out without thinking and in my next breath, I would have given anything to take them back. It too sharply reminded me of when he _did_ start talking to me, and how kind he had been then.

As if in reaction to my own embarrassment, he leaned back, pushing away from me. "Trust me Bella, at that time it would have been very bad for you to like me. I couldn't encourage that."

I gasped, genuinely mortified now. Was he actually _saying_ that he was too good for me? That I wouldn't have been good for what, his college career? His aspirations? His plans? Or was I just the pathetic little Bella Swan in his eyes, with her sad little crush and sad story, someone he felt a moral obligation to keep an eye on for a few months before we graduated?

"Well, in that case, I'm glad you didn't." My voice was coming from far away, it sounded empty and hurt to my ears, but there was anger in it too, and I drew on that. "I would hate to have messed up any of your plans, or your perfect life."

His eyebrows drew together as his forehead creased into a frown. "Bella, that's not what I…"

"Spare me, Edward, please. You come in here, push me up against your kitchen counter, call me beautiful, and then in the next breath say that I wouldn't have been good for you? What the fuck is wrong with you? Who _does_ that?"

"I didn't…" he started, taking a step towards me again. This time, however, I put my hand up flat against his chest, and when he kept coming, I pushed back.

I may as well have been pushing a boulder. The muscles under his shirt didn't give an inch, and he moved even closer to me. The knowledge that I'd been ready to wrap myself around him, to kiss the full lips I'd dreamt about so many times, while all along he was reminding himself of all the reasons why _I wasn't good enough_…it made me angry. I brought my other hand up to his chest alongside the other and I shoved him away, hard.

"Bella!" The gasp came from the door leading to the back of the house where Lori stood frozen in shock. "What are you…" Her eyes flitted over to Edward, who had finally backed off, and her eyes widened as her mouth rounded in horror. I imagined how it must look to her, one of her employees pushing around the son of tonight's client, and I moaned internally.

"Mr. Cullen, I'm sorry, I didn't realize…did you need something? Or does your mother?"

"No, thank you Ms. Stein. Bella and I were just catching up." With that, Edward turned and walked out of the kitchen, and Lori wheeled to me.

"Bella, please tell me that was _not_ what it looked like." Lori's voice was calm, but the meaning in her words was apparent. And what could I say, it had been _exactly_ what it looked like.

"I'm sorry, Lori. Edward and I…he…it won't happen again." Lori shook her head, unhappiness tight around her eyes and lips. I was one of her most reliable employees, but she had her business to think of, and she was obviously thinking that I'd jeopardized it. Maybe I had.

"Bella, you know what an important client this is for me. I can't afford to have anyone representing my business…" she stopped and shook her head. "The evening has been a lot easier than I thought it would be. Why don't you go ahead and leave? I'll pay you for the full time I'd originally planned."

I nodded silently, shaking with nerves and utter humiliation. Lori had been a great boss, even just part-time, and I'd let her down. I couldn't blame her for what she was obviously thinking. She turned to begin plating the desserts and I walked out of the kitchen and out through the back door, the cheerful clamor of the party fading behind me.

There were orange twinkle lights strung up in the trees out behind the house too, and they cast my red truck in an eerie glow as I plodded over, yanked open the door, and slouched behind the wheel. Once there, I shut my eyes and took several deep breaths, mortification still burning in every cell of my body. What would Lori say if Esme came back into the kitchen to inquire about me again? _I'm sorry, Mrs. Cullen, I had to send Bella home. She was being inappropriate with your son_. I felt like a scolded child, and plus I was pretty sure that I'd just been fired from my part-time job.

I choked back a sob. Screw this. I didn't need to be here, I didn't need these people or any of this. I'd go back to Port Angeles tonight and find another part-time job later, not that I really needed to. Maybe I'd just…

_Maybe I should just get out of here_. I swiped the back of my hand across my eyes and took one last shuddering breath. No more crying, I had pride too. I turned the key in the ignition of my truck, saying farewell to Edward Cullen, for good this time.

The truck let out one cough, rumbled, and then died. I turned the key again, and this time it barely let out a whimper before it died again. I sat clutching the steering wheel, praying harder than I had in a long time. _Oh please please, not now, not here. Please please just start and let me get home, or at least just run long enough to get me to Jake and Billy's…_ I turned the key again and this time there was absolutely no sound from under the hood of the truck. It had been acting up over the past few weeks, but worked well enough to get me around Port Angeles. Apparently the drive to Forks had done it in.

My options were pretty bleak: I could go back inside and meekly beg a ride back to Port Angeles with Lori, leaving my dead rusting truck sitting behind the Cullens' lovely home. I could call a tow truck and have it hauled away as all the guests strolling out to their Mercedes and BMWs watched in horror. I could call Jake and beg him to come pick me up, but none of the Quileutes liked the Cullens for reasons I'd never understood, and they refused to set foot on the Cullens' property. So any way I looked at it, I was pretty much screwed.

Tears boiled out of my eyes then and I bent my head to the steering wheel. This was just too much. I hated allowing myself to be so weak, but at that moment, I was just too tired and depressed to care. I cried silently for a few minutes, only to jerk upright with a gasp of shock when someone tapped on my window.

It was Edward. His expression was pleading, and if I hadn't been so utterly demoralized, I would have given him the finger and told him to leave me the hell alone. As it was, though, I was sitting in a busted truck in his driveway with damn few options.

"What do you want?" It came out dull instead of accusatory.

"Bella, can I talk to you? Please?"

"It's not like I have a choice," I muttered quietly, but he evidently heard me because he went around to the other side of the truck and opened the door, sliding onto the seat next to me. I stared at the steering wheel and spoke.

"I am swallowing my pride here, just so you know. But I think I need a ride, just into town. I'll have my friend Jake come pick me up from there. And I'll make sure my truck is towed first thing tomorrow morning, so it won't be in the way."

He didn't respond, and I finally looked over at him. He was looking at me with such intensity that even after the misery of the past twenty minutes, my heart jumped. The soft orange of the twinkle lights lit up his skin strangely and glittered in the topaz of his beautiful eyes. "You misunderstood me before, Bella, I wish you'd let me explain. I never said that you weren't good enough for me."

All the breath went out of my lungs as if I'd been punched. This night just kept getting worse.

"I don't want…"

"Bella, please just stop and listen to me for a minute? I said that it would have been very bad for _you_ to like _me_. Bad for _you_. At that time," he paused for a moment, "It wouldn't have been in your best interest to be around me more than you already were. As much as I wanted to be around you, and it was very _very_ much…" His finger was reaching back towards me again and brushing over my cheekbone, just as it had before in the kitchen. "I was afraid I'd end up hurting you. But please know that there was nothing I wanted more than to be around you, I wanted it all the time. I'm sorry I didn't make that clear."

I hiccupped, feeling somewhat mollified. "Why would you have hurt me?"

He thought for a moment, and then brushed away one last tear that remained on my cheek. His fingers were shockingly cold. "I can't really explain it. But please believe me when I say that I would never hurt you now. I _could_ never hurt you now. I will only take care of you, like I always wanted to." His fingers trailed back across my face to my neck, which he then stroked gently.

I sat blinking, thoughts whirling madly, but enjoying the sensation of his hand brushing over my skin. "I…I don't think that makes sense. I don't understand."

"I know." He wasn't surprised. "It's not exactly something I can explain in one conversation. But I'll tell you everything, eventually." His fingers, gentle as a caress, began pulling the pins out of my hair. "Alice was happy to see you tonight too. She's actually hoping that you'll come back inside."

"What about you?" I felt him pull the last pin out of its place in the French twist and my hair slowly uncoiled, slipping down my back. Edward carefully placed the hairpins in a neat pile on the dashboard, then returned his hand to my hair, softly running his fingers through until it had spread into its normal mass of thick waves over my shoulders. His other hand moved to my face as if it was a magnet and he was being pulled inexorably towards it. This time his fingertips brushed over my lips and his entire body moved closer to me.

"Me? I'm very much hoping that you'll come in."

I bit my lip and thought about it. The thought of spending more time with Edward undeniably made my pulse race, but I somehow felt as though we'd skipped a very important point in the conversation. The way his eyes were moving over me made me hot and cold by turns, and I couldn't deny that the attraction I'd felt for him was still there, if not greater. He took his fingers away from my mouth at the same he leaned in close to me, and I let my eyes close as his cool hard lips met mine.

It was better than I'd ever thought it would be. Of all the times I'd imagined kissing him in my high school crush, in all the more erotic fantasies I'd had about him as my fascination had grown, nothing had come close to the feeling of his mouth on mine, of his hands on my body. One still tangled in my hair and the other was on my hip, pulling me into him. I moaned softly as his lips parted and his cool tongue ran over my lower lip, mutely directing my mouth to open. The taste of him was so sweet on my tongue, the feeling of his rock-hard body pressed against mine made my very insides ache in the most wonderful way. He moaned too and deepened the kiss, until I was truly breathing him in, and even his breath was cool in my mouth. When his lips left mine I gasped in air.

"Edward…"

"Hmm?" His lips were moving down my jaw now, down towards my neck. His hands settled more firmly onto me, pulling me until I was sitting on his lap. I wanted to say something about how much more comfortable we would be if we were _not _in my truck, in his parents' driveway, but my brain had evidently disconnected from my mouth and when I spoke again, something stupid came out.

"What are you supposed to be, anyway?"

He stopped for a moment, and then his lips moved against my throat. "What do you mean?"

Apparently once the stupid filter disengaged, it was gone for good. "It was a costume party, but you aren't dressed up. What are you supposed to be?"

He was laughing then, I could feel his chest shaking where it was pressed up against my side, and I could hear the smile in his next words. "Can't you tell? I'm supposed to be a vampire."

"I don't believe in vampires," I said somewhat breathlessly, for at that moment he'd moved his lips directly over the pulse point in my neck and was sucking at it very gently.

"Why not? Is it that hard to believe that a vampire wants you so badly right now?" I could feel his tongue on my skin then, pressing where his lips had been.

"A vampire would want…would want my blood," I gasped out, coherent thought well on its way out the window.

He kissed my neck and sat back, smiling at me. "That's very true. But isn't it possible that a vampire might want your body too?"

Was it possible to die from an overdose of sexy? If so, consider me DOA. "I suppose so, I guess that would be the best of both worlds?"

"Yes, it would." Edward's fingertips were on my face again, running slowly over my skin. "Bella, there is so much I want to tell you, so much…but I can think of better places to do it than in your truck."

_Yes please!_ "If Lori sees my truck sitting out here, she's going to come looking for me."

I was still on his lap as Edward slid across the seat and opened the door, then he was standing with me with me cradled in his arms. He moved away quickly, towards the side of the house.

"Don't worry about it, Alice will have Emmett push it back behind the garage, your boss will never see it." Well that made no sense whatsoever because I didn't even realize Edward's brother was back in town, and how Alice was supposed to know about the truck was beyond me. But it didn't matter because now I was able to wind my fingers into _his _hair, I could feel his hard arms holding me tight, and he could have told me Emmett was going to push it all the way back to Port Angeles and that would have been okay too.

"Edward…where are we going?" He didn't respond, but instead tipped my face around until it was literally an inch from his own. Then he was kissing me again and I genuinely didn't even care if he was dragging me off to the woods, all I knew was the slick rasp of his tongue over my own and the low moan that came from his chest as I whimpered into his mouth. I felt his muscles bunch under me, then air rushed past, then just the slightest of bumps. I felt as though he'd just taken a large step, perhaps through a door, but when I opened my eyes we were in a quiet dark room.

"This is my room," he answered my unspoken question, making no move to put me down.

"Is…is your room on the first floor?" I was completely confused now, had he clambered through a window and I'd failed to notice? The sounds of the party had faded far away and my eyes could only make out the faintest glow from the orange twinkle lights outside.

"No, it's not. Bella…" his hands moved gently, caressingly, over the parts of my body they supported. "Are you afraid?"

"Of you? No." I whispered the words, and as I did, I saw some raw emotion flare in his golden eyes. He took several steps, laid me down on what I presumed to be his bed, and then stretched out over me, his hard body pressed inch-for-inch against my own. All the nerve endings I possessed stood on end as he swept a hand from my waist down my thigh, and I couldn't help but moan again when he gently bent my leg and knee so that I was half-wrapped around his waist. He was cradled between my legs then, and I could feel him, _really_ feel him, and he was rock-hard against the place that most wanted his attention at the moment.

How could I have known that I would want him this much? In all the months he sat nearby, but never speaking, in all the months he _did_ speak to me but held himself apart, and then the subsequent months without seeing him, how had my body known that I would crave his touch so much? How did I know that _he_ would be the one to awaken the passion that had hidden within me for so long, to make me ache with need for him even as he moved against me, kissing and stroking and worshipping my body? There was nothing I could compare this to…not the awkward moments with Jake that we'd sworn never to repeat, not the romance novels I'd read to pass all the time I spent alone. And not even the fantasies I'd had, dreaming of Edward as my own hands moved over my body, _nothing_ had prepared me for the sheer _need_ that I had for him now, almost frantic and painful in its intensity, but utterly comforting, as though I'd been here a thousand times before.

"Bella," he murmured, and his voice was part of it too, and I'd known it all along while not knowing it at all. "Bella, it was always you. I've always wanted you, and only you. You don't know how long I've waited for you."

I could feel him unbuttoning my shirt with exquisite slowness, as though it were a gift he'd waited so long to receive, that he had to prolong the experience of having it for the first time. His hands moved reverently over my skin, lips following, and then my bra was gone because I could feel his firm cool lips moving on my breasts, making me cry out with my need for him. My hands moved over him and he seemed to anticipate every move they sought to make, for his shirt was suddenly gone. I could run my fingers over every inch of his hard muscled torso, and as I moved down further he went still, allowing me to run my hand over his arousal.

"Yessss…" he hissed, just as I whispered "Please?" and then the rest of his clothes were gone, as were mine. He came back over my body from below, kissing his way up my legs, his body shaking with need and the enormity of the goal we were both straining towards. This time when he stretched out over me there were no barriers, all I could feel was _Edward_, he was in my nose and my mouth, kissing over my face, hands running over my body, worshipping while also arousing, urging my own response from me. When his fingers first ran over the part of me that ached the most, I cried out with pleasure, when they probed into me I could only moan out my ecstasy.

My eyes were blinking heavily, I felt as though I must be drunk because there was only Edward right now, the only thing in my mind and my heart and my body was _him_, and I needed him just as I needed air to breathe and food to eat. I urged him on with my hands and my wordless pleas, tugging at his body when he stopped to assure himself that I wanted him as badly as he wanted me, in that moment, in this world.

His cool lips came back to rest at that same place on my neck, directly over the pulse point, just as the hard length of him settled against my heat. He probed on slowly, pushing into me, unlocking a searing trail of pleasure. There was a slight pinch of pain, then just the most wonderful feeling of being fulfilled, my body arching against his as I finally felt, for the first time, complete.

I cried out, this _this_ was what I needed so badly, I needed him. He moved within me, never moving his lips from that pulse point on my neck, only whispering my name so that I could feel the words against my skin. He kept his mouth there even as his body moved faster, as his hands worked to urge the responses from me. He kissed, he nibbled, he licked, he sucked, but just there, his mouth never moved from there.

He must have felt my heartbeat, the blood moving faster under his lips as I began to come around him, calling out his name with all the breath I had left, coming in sharp endless spasms of pleasure that I'd never known before. I felt him growl against me; "Yes, love, yes!" as I sobbed in ecstasy, throbbing _around_ him and _through_ him and _in_ him until he gave up, thrusting rapidly into me, provoking his own release deep inside of me. It was then that he finally moved his mouth away from my neck, moving it up to gently kiss and caress my mouth with his own, murmuring to me before I was able to comprehend again, and reassuring me when I could.

"It was only ever you, Bella. I've only ever wanted you."

"I don't understand." My words from earlier, but there was no bewilderment now, it was simply a statement of fact. This was not rational, I knew it was illogical to the point of almost being supernatural, but while in his arms I wasn't afraid.

"I know. There is so much I have to tell you, and most of it will sound impossible. I just need you to trust me and believe that I love you, I have always loved you, and I will always love you. Never doubt that."

In some sluggish sense, my brain was beginning to work again. "Why didn't you tell me this before now?"

He kissed me, gently, tenderly, even as I felt him hardening within me again. "What if I were to tell you that the vampire that I'm supposed to be had been afraid of hurting you? That it took me a year and a half to build up my tolerance and my confidence, before I knew that I could love you without hurting you? That in the meantime I could at least watch over you and protect you until I knew that we were _both_ ready? But that now I know that I can be with you the way we've always wanted, the way we're meant to be?"

I heard him, I mostly understood him. "But I told you, I don't believe in vampires."

He laughed, and settled again over the pulse point on my neck, probably feeling it quicken under his lips as he kissed it ever so gently.

"Then, my love, I'll just have to convince you otherwise."


	2. Chapter 2

First off, a giant THANK YOU to everyone who sent me such wonderful reviews and PMs, urging me to continue this story. I did originally intend to write it as a one-shot only, but I've been convinced otherwise! There will be a bit more in the A/N at the bottom.

* * *

**Disclaimer: ****Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and its characters. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Chapter Two**

We remained tangled up in each other, Edward and I, for the rest of the night. There seemed to be no beginning and no end to it all: even as my body shook beneath him, I was already rising again, desperate for his touch, his kisses, his tongue moving over me, his words that resonated from his throat and up over his lips to shiver across my skin. There seemed to be a thousand different ways that he could hold me, kiss me, and arouse me, I simply could not get enough of him. I was so delirious with pleasure that I wondered again if I were drunk, or drugged, or dead, for surely such a night couldn't actually be possible. Nothing about it was frightening or disorienting, though…I'd never felt safer or more cherished in my life.

Sometime near morning, because I remember my eyes rolling back to see the faintest hints of dawn peeking through the window, I finally gave up and fell asleep, exhausted beyond reason. My next lucid thoughts were of being cradled close to Edward's chest, his lips pressed to my temple. I could feel that my physical body was utterly spent, arms and legs draped weakly around his own, but then my mind was awake and arousal flared through the rest of my body in an instant. I stretched against him like a cat and was infinitely gratified to feel him hardening yet again against my thigh.

He must have already been awake, for in the next moment I was flat on my back, his body over me, his lips moving against mine. "Bella…" was the only word uttered before I'd interlaced my body in and around his, my movements silently pleading for the pleasure that I already knew only he could provide. He gave up with a moan which subsided into a soft growl, rumbling up from his chest. It vibrated through me and I gasped his name as he plunged into me again, igniting every nerve ending my body possessed. His hands moved over me with an assurance that seemed instinctual, as though he knew my body better than I knew it myself.

I cried out wordlessly as he came inside of me, the sensation as impossibly thrilling as it had been the first time. Edward panted above me, then his tongue was licking over my dry lips with the gentlest of strokes, allowing the convulsive shuddering throughout my body to subside. Eventually he rolled onto his back, clasping me tightly to him, his hands never ceasing their movement over my tired body.

After a moment I summoned the energy to pull back, to look down into his face. His beauty struck me with such force, it was tangible. His topaz eyes were now soft and almost hazy in their satiation, firm lips relaxed into a faint smile, the planes of his face exquisite in every angle. He was truly perfect.

Desire flickered within me again, this time warring with the more practical needs I couldn't put off any longer. "Edward, I need a moment."

Chagrin immediately replaced the lazy sensuality on his face. "I'm sorry, my love, I am entirely too selfish. This way." He helped me out of the bed, laughing softly when my muscles exhibited the strength of melted marshmallows; he had to half-carry me over to the attached bathroom.

"There are towels, if you'd like to shower. I didn't stop to think how exhausted you must be."

He shut the door behind him with a soft click, and I leaned against the vanity, utterly fatigued. I chanced a glimpse at my reflection: my hair was a snarled mess, as to be expected, but the rest of my face was a surprise. My lips were puffy and red, my cheeks flushed, my eyes heavy-lidded. I looked…well, I looked _good_, sexy even. Evidently a night filled with more sex than I thought humanly possibly was better than a makeover.

Paying only scant attention to my opulent surroundings, I used the commode and then padded over to the enormous shower stall, turning on the water as hot as I could stand. I relaxed as I slipped under the spray, appreciating the sting of the water even as it reawakened all my senses in the most painfully pleasurable way. The sharpest point of my consciousness finally began to stir, tired, from the back of my mind. The drive to Forks, the party, and then…

_Edward's body over me, his lips and tongue teasing my breasts, his fingers showing no hint of shyness as they moved within me, his guttural groan as he finally gave up and slipped deliciously into me, moving with an urgency tempered only by the gentleness of his lips over my face, then the fierceness of his tongue as he explored my mouth…over and over and over again…_

My hands fell from where I'd been lathering shampoo into my hair, suddenly no strength left in my arms to hold them upright. The utter eroticism of the previous night returned to me in one heated flash and I slumped against the cool tile of the shower, the suds from my hair dripping and sliding down my legs as my head lolled back . Every inch of me was throbbing, exquisitely so between my legs, remembering detailed flashes of the previous hours.

Ecstasy, rapture, bliss…they'd all seemed like such pat descriptions I'd read in my romance novels. Never in my life had I imagined that such physical delight was actually possible. Never had I actually thought that I would be able to come repeatedly just from the movement of another's body within me, that physical fatigue could be completely disregarded for hours. Actually, I could have never imagined that _this_ morning, unremarkable in every other way, would find me tangled in Edward Cullen's arms. He'd called me "love" repeatedly, making me wonder how long he'd felt so strongly for me. A small part of me was overwhelmed by the deep feelings he professed to have, but mostly I was shocked at how powerfully I already felt for him. Not lust, not attraction. Need. A deep sense of familiarity. Security.

I whimpered, eyes closed, barely registering as the door to the shower slid open and Edward's cool arms wrapped around me. "I couldn't stay away from you," he murmured into my neck as I gladly gave up the support of my body to the strength of his. He turned me around, still clasped close to him, allowing the suds to rinse away from my hair, his hand running gently over its length. I was only too happy to stand still as he washed the rest of me, gladly surrendering when he finished and let his lips take over where his hands had left off. At his touch everything else seemed to recede into the background until I was completely trained on his fingers sliding over my skin, his lips that pulled and claimed an answer from my own, the hardness of him pushing so deeply into me that I could only tighten around him in response, crying out from the uncanny response that his touch brought forth from my body.

We were back in bed, his lips dragging heavily over mine, headed towards my neck with a sensual aim that I'd already come to recognize, when my body betrayed me and I coughed suddenly.

"Bella…" Edward was moving within a second, and then he had a bottle of cool water pressed into my hand. "I can't let myself forget, there's so much I must remember for you. You have to tell me when you're uncomfortable."

I drank it down with embarrassing eagerness; I genuinely hadn't realized how thirsty I was. The water helped with my dry throat and before I'd realized it, I'd drained the entire bottle. Edward's topaz eyes were focused intently on me the entire time.

"All right now?" I nodded, feeling self-conscious, but he put an arm around me and pulled me to him as he leaned back against the headboard of the bed, a chagrined smile on his face. "It's my fault, I should have thought. I just can't get enough of you, it's too easy for me to forget."

I wriggled around until the front of my body was pressed against his side, then relaxed with a contented sigh. "I think I must be dreaming." My words were half-muffled as I nestled close into him, sprawled across his body, my ear against his chest and my lips pressed to the arms he had wrapped around me.

"If you are, then please don't wake up," was Edward's response, and I couldn't help but giggle. I had a million questions to ask him, but ultimately I was too happy to delve further, and I elected instead to burrow deeper into his embrace. Memories from the evening before played slowly across my mind: Esme, Edward, Lori, the truck, and ultimately Edward…everything after that pooled into a blur of semi-conscious rapture. I yawned and closed my eyes, listening to his steady breathing, amplified with my ear pressed against his skin.

I wasn't sure exactly when the realization came, but just as it flashed through my mind, Edward's arms tightened around me. The entire left side of my face was pressed tightly to his chest as I lay across him, my own body rose and fell with each breath he took. Yet his heartbeat, the one I sought to measure against my own, was not there.

I pushed my ear harder against his chest. As much as I willed my own body to silence, to allow me to _listen_, no reassuring thump greeted me. I felt myself go numb as a thought that was too frightening to be possible started rapping against the edges of my consciousness. I fought to keep it out because the enormity of what it implied was simply not possible. Instead, I pressed my face even harder to Edward's chest until my cheek and jaw hurt, knowing that if I could just concentrate hard enough...

"Bella…" the sadness in his voice caught my attention, gave me something else to listen to, to focus on. "Do you remember what I said to you last night?"

"Yes," I whispered against his cold skin, my heart thumping so hard and fast that now I was starting to get dizzy.

His hands moved and easily shifted my body until I lay completely flush on top of him, my ear still pressed to his chest, his hand resting gently on my head. There was a long aching silence before I finally heard a faint heartbeat, but I recognized it as my own, thumping frantically inside of me and reverberating throughout his silent ribcage. I could hear it accelerate in its panicked thudding even as I felt it, my mind finally cracking enough to allow that one unwanted thought in and realization came fully: there was nothing for me to hear.

"Never doubt," and his voice was quiet, "That I love you. Please, Bella, keep that at the forefront of your mind throughout everything I have to tell you."

Tears needed to come, I desperately wanted to cry, but my emotions seemed frozen, completely locked down in shock. My body reflexively began curling up into a ball, and I realized that I was hyperventilating, precariously on the edge of a panic attack.

Edward's body moved in an instant and I was lying back with him over me, his hands on either side of my face. "Bella, look at me. Please, please love, just look at me." The desperation in his voice pulled at me and I opened my eyes to meet his gaze, the beautiful topaz eyes that spoke to me as clearly as his voice. There was an anchor in his eyes and I reached for it, grasping at the reassurance I knew was there. My shaking stopped, and I mentally resolved to keep my eyes on his for as long as it took for him to tell me the truth.

"Edward?" My voice was a cracked whisper that sounded completely unfamiliar. "Please…tell me everything, and tell me fast."

"I can't tell you everything fast, love. There's too much." His eyes were fixed firmly on mine.

"Are you alive?"

"No."

I clamped my lips together against the sob that threatened to tear from my throat.

"Regardless, know how much I love you. My heart may not beat anymore, but I can still feel love, and I do love you, with all the strength of my body, my mind, and my soul." His eyes reinforced his words, there was no doubt in my mind that he meant it. "I know this is overwhelming, but believe me when I say that it will get easier, the more I tell you."

I grasped at that promise. "Will it make sense then?"

"Yes, it will."

"What you said last night…"

He nodded.

"There _are_ such things as vampires?"

He nodded again.

"Are you a vampire?"

"Yes," he spoke softly, that one simple word, but it was the answer I needed. It was impossible, it was crazy, but it was the truth, and ultimately the truth was all I needed from him. His expression relaxed visibly even as this thought crossed my mind, and his fingers began stroking the sides of my face. I lay quiet in his arms for a long time after that, my body calming as my breathing quieted and my heartbeat slowed.

After a while, he gently lowered himself to kiss me, softly pressing his lips to my forehead, my cheeks, my nose, my chin, my lips. Tenderness was in his every movement and if I'd had any doubts about the sincerity of his endearments before, they were gone now. I shut my eyes, recognizing that his touch was every bit as potent to me as it had been before his revelation, and that awareness settled a profound calm over me.

"Have you always been a vampire?"

"For as long as you've known me, yes. But I was human once too."

"How long have you been a vampire?"

"Since 1918. I was dying in the Spanish influenza epidemic when Carlisle found me, and changed me."

I blinked. "Carlisle…your father…is he?"

"Yes love, Carlisle too. And Esme, and Alice…my whole family."

At that moment, I realized there really _was_ too much for him to tell me fast, there was an entire world of information that he would have to share with me. The term "mind-blowing" didn't even come close.

Edward was kissing his way over my face again, his fingers gently intertwining in my hair. "Bella," he said, in between kisses, "I will tell you everything. I will not lie to you. But before that, I want you to eat something. I know that you're hungry and I don't want you to go into shock."

I _was_ hungry, now that my body was relaxing again, I could feel a painful empty ache in my stomach. Edward gave me one last lingering kiss and then stood up from the bed, automatically reaching out to help me. He led me over to a dresser and pulled a neat stack of clothes from the top drawer, handing them to me.

"Courtesy of Alice."

"I don't think I'm going to fit into any of Alice's clothes," I replied doubtfully. I appreciated the thought, but how in the world had she known I would need them? Unless she'd snuck in while I was in the shower with her brother. It was a strange thought.

Edward laughed a little, pulling his own clothes from another drawer. "She bought them for you. It's something you'll get used to." Impossibly, the underwear, bra, jeans, white t-shirt and soft blue sweater all fit perfectly and were obviously expensive. There was even a pair of cashmere socks and leather clogs. Already dressed, Edward smiled and reached out to take my hand. "Esme made you a little bit of everything for breakfast, she wasn't sure what you would want."

"I'm nervous," I whispered, and truly I was. Not because I was surrounded by a houseful of what were apparently vampires –I'd just spent the entire night having ridiculously passionate sex with one, after all- but I was afraid of their reaction to my sudden and deep-seated bond with Edward. Who was I to them?

Edward laced his fingers through mine and squeezed my hand, pulling me toward the door. "You'll re-meet them all gradually. They wanted to be waiting at the bottom of the stairs this morning, but I convinced them that it might be a bit overwhelming for you. And Rosalie and Emmett are in Europe, but Alice tells me they'll be back soon."

Emmett…for some reason a faint memory stirred that Emmett was supposed to have been at the party last night, but I was diverted from that thought when I realized we'd already descended one story, and were headed down the hall to another staircase. "Edward…how did we get into your bedroom last night?"

He gave me a crooked smile. "Vampire."

"You climbed up the house to your room, carrying me?"

"I jumped."

I had to deliberately shut my mouth after my jaw dropped. I had a feeling it was going to have to become a reflex action for a while.

As we descended to the main floor, I looked around in awe. There was absolutely no lingering indication of the Halloween party from the night before. The house was exquisitely decorated, all space, windows, and pale colors, quiet in the late-morning light. Delicious smells were wafting from the kitchen and my stomach growled loudly in response, Edward steered me to sit at the dining room table, disappeared into the kitchen, and then reemerged bearing dish after dish of food.

I stared. There was bacon, sausage, scrambled eggs, toast, waffles, pancakes, sausage, and sliced fruit, all of it freshly prepared, along with orange juice, milk, and coffee. I looked up at Edward, my eyes wide, and he laughed. "As I said, Esme wasn't sure exactly what you wanted, so she made a little bit of everything. Just eat what you like, love."

"Where is she?" I tried a forkful of eggs, they were hot and perfectly seasoned.

"I convinced them all to give us some privacy this morning. There's a place I'd like to take you after you've eaten, and we'll come back here later, you'll see them then."

I was eating a little faster now, everything I tried was absolutely delicious. "Aren't you going to eat anything?"

"We don't eat human food…literally and figuratively." I froze as I looked up at him but he laughed again, so beautiful that I relaxed and swallowed my bite of fruit.

"Right…I guess that would be the first question you could answer for me."

His eyes were dancing. "Yes, I suppose that would be the big one. My family and I only hunt animals, none of us drink human blood. Our private joke is that we're 'vegetarians,' we survive solely on animal blood."

"Huh, I guess that's not so strange," I murmured, and at his surprised look, I pointed at my half-eaten bacon. "I eat animals too."

"Yes, I never really thought of it that way, but you're right."

"Not all vampires are vegetarians, though?"

"No, they're not. Vampires who drink human blood are a little more restless and temperamental, they don't tend to live in large families like ours. And they have red eyes, whereas those of us who drink animal blood…" he gestured at his own face.

"You have beautiful eyes. I thought they were black the first time I met you, though. I remembered them being coal-black."

"They probably were. Our eyes change color when we're hungry, angry, aroused…whenever we're giving ourselves over to our more predatory nature."

I wondered if they'd been black the night before and how I could have missed it. "Were you angry when you first met me?"

"No, Bella, I was hungry." He said it softly and suddenly my throat closed up. His words from the night before, that he was afraid he would have hurt me, echoed in my mind. I put my fork down and pushed my plate away.

"I think I'm done."

Edward pushed the glass of orange juice towards me and I picked it up, sipping automatically, my hand shaking a little. I wasn't afraid of him in that moment, but his sudden revelation, and the new understanding of the danger I had been blissfully unaware of for so long shocked me to the core. "You wanted to…"

"Do you understand now why I kept you at a distance for so long?"

I nodded hesitantly. "Why me?"

"I don't know, even now, exactly why your blood affected me so strongly. The moment you sat down next to me in class, I had to fight with every ounce of strength I possessed not to attack you. All human blood calls to us to some degree, it's something we've learned to resist and deal with. But you…the scent of your blood, it almost drove me mad. I even considered killing every single person in that classroom, just so I could have you."

I shivered, horrified, as he continued in a softer voice. "I still don't know how I managed to resist what every instinct in my body was screaming at me to do. I left right after that and drove to Alaska, I stayed with some friends of ours there for a week. While I was there I started wondering why, after ninety years, _you_ had almost made me go out of my mind. I began to consider that it was something other than just bloodlust…although I knew I couldn't downplay that. Your blood sings to me in a way I've never in my life experienced with any human being. I spoke with Alice and afterwards I came to realize that it wasn't just your blood that called to me. It was _you_, Bella. Something within me recognized that I was meant to have you, to be _with_ you, and it was pulling me towards you like gravity."

I stood then and moved to him almost unconsciously. Rationally, I knew that I should be afraid after what he'd told me, but I understood exactly what he meant when he said it was like gravity. I'd felt it before, a small indefinable tug towards him, but I'd always assumed it was the physical attraction I'd had for him initially, and then later gratitude for his thoughtfulness after Charlie's death. Now, however, that tug was stronger, more urgent, I felt uncomfortable trying to ignore it.

Still seated, he held out his arms to me as I sat down on his lap and wrapped my arms around him, he kissed my cheek in response. "You can feel it now too?" I nodded, not trusting myself to speak. It was all so much bigger than me, I didn't have words at the moment.

He ran his fingertips gently over my throat and then continued his story. "I wanted nothing more than to come back to you, to keep you, to make you my life. I was desperate for it, but Alice convinced me that choosing that path would only eventually lead to one thing, your death. And the thought of that alone gave me the strength to hold back."

I pulled away a little and looked at him. "Is Alice psychic or something?"

He grinned. "The story probably would make a little more sense if I'd told you that. Yes, Alice is psychic. Many vampires have special abilities, Carlisle thinks it's an amplification of gifts we possessed in our human lives."

"What's your gift?"

"I'll get to that in just a bit, I promise." He pulled me back closer to him, this time I rested my cheek against his hair, my lips just barely touching the shell of his ear.

"So Alice saw you…killing me?"

"Yes. Every time that I was tempted to reach out to you, to look into your eyes, to connect with you in some way, she would see me eventually losing control, even weeks down the line. Either I became smug and counted too much on my love for you to hold me back, or you would trust me more than my nature deserved. Apparently you can be very persistent in your efforts, love."

"After last night, can you blame me?" I asked wryly. Edward laughed and hugged me, his hard arms solid around my waist.

"Not a bit. You would just always believe in me more than I could physically be trusted at that time. The nature of a vampire…I wouldn't go so far as to call us killing machines, of course we have to exercise restraint to survive unrecognized in the world. But we are predators and it is difficult, if not impossible, for us to restrain ourselves when we are on the hunt. You have the added disadvantage of smelling especially appealing to me. So I set about to desensitize myself to you, and it took…" he turned slightly to inhale against my throat and then released his cool breath in a sigh, "A while."

"How did you desensitize yourself?"

"I paid more attention to you than you realized, Bella. I was always around, I was terrified that something would happen to take you away from me just as I'd found you. I was aware of you no matter where you were or what you were doing. I tried to drown myself in your scent…I actually started sneaking into your house and stealing your t-shirts to keep it around me."

"Huh…you'd think I would have noticed that." It was definitely strange, the idea of Edward stealing my clothes, but I understood his motivation in a logical sense.

"I always brought them back, when your scent had faded. It helped. I would sit next to you in class and just concentrate on you…your heartbeat, your breath, your every movement. I actually climbed the tree outside your window at night to watch you sleep a few times, but it was too intrusive, even for me."

"I'm glad to hear that, since I talk in my sleep."

"I know." He bent and kissed my shoulder. "I heard you say my name."

I could feel the blood rushing to my cheeks, and I know he must have sensed it too. "You have no idea, Bella," he whispered quickly, "What that meant to me. I had to fight with myself every night to keep from coming into your room to sit next to you. I wanted to see you dream, I wanted to see your eyelids flickering, I wanted to just sit and memorize your every movement. But when you said my name…" there Edward hesitated. "I realized that I had to _earn_ your trust. I had to earn the right to come into your room and protect you as you slept. And at that point, I had no right to be there."

I turned my head to press my lips against his hair.

"But after Charlie died…Bella, you were so lost. You were all alone and I couldn't help you. I saw you at the funeral, we all came to the funeral, and you just seemed to be looking for something, someone, to hold on to. But I wasn't strong enough for you."

Tears welled up in my eyes at his words, memories flooding back over me. I had only the vaguest recollection of the Cullens being at Charlie's funeral, the entire town had been there. I remembered thinking that I was all alone, even with Renee, Phil, Jake, and Billy there. Charlie and I had been so comfortable together, we'd fit like old familiar puzzle pieces and loved each other dearly in our own ways. To have him taken away so abruptly, I had been completely at a loss.

"And then immediately afterwards…Bella, I wanted to be the one to hold you when you needed to find strength within yourself, but I couldn't. I could feel how much you hurt, how much you wanted someone or something to lean on through it all. I wanted to be that, I would have done anything to do that for you, but I couldn't, not yet."

"I…I was so lonely." I couldn't help it, the quiet sobs I was holding back bubbled up as I remembered the past ten months. Tears for my father, his life over too soon. Tears for myself, remembering how I'd felt so isolated, distanced from a past life with my mother that no longer really included me, desperately wanting to hold onto a current life in Forks which was all I knew or really wanted, to feel safe.

"I know," he whispered, stroking my hair. "Alice kept his death from me beforehand, she knew that I would have pushed myself to be ready when you needed someone, that it would have had the same end result. But when I saw your grief for myself, I knew that I couldn't _protect_ you from all the pain that life brings, but that I could _support_ you when you needed it the most. And from that moment, I found the last bit of resolve I needed. When you went to live with the Blacks…"

I lifted my head from his shoulder, an occasional gasp still escaping me. "Do the Quileutes know what you are? I never understood why they disliked you all so much…"

"Yes, the Quileutes know. We were here decades ago, they had an ability even then to sense our true nature. We formed a treaty with them, swore never to take a human life or to trespass on their land. They have every right to be wary, though, with the history their people have with other vampires." His hand moved soothingly up and down my back. "We instinctually feel the same, however, and I absolutely panicked when you went to live on the reservation. I couldn't follow you there, I couldn't make sure you were safe, I could only wait every morning for you to leave when you came back to school."

Things were clicking into place in my mind now. "That's why…"

"Yes. I couldn't jump as wholly into your life as I wanted to, but I started trying to edge myself into your heart."

"You did," I whispered into his hair. "There's so much that I don't remember, that I was just too numb to face, but I remember every time you spoke to me. I remember everything you put on my tray at lunch. I still have all the class notes you gave me. You have no idea what it meant to me, even if I couldn't show it at the time."

"I knew, love, I knew. I felt as though I were running in slow motion at times, but I could feel you opening up to me."

"But after graduation…"

"I had just barely worked up the nerve to touch you. As much as I wanted to, I couldn't snatch you up and carry you away at that point."

"You didn't worry about me moving to Port Angeles?"

He kissed my throat and I could feel his lips move into a smile, a movement already endearingly familiar to my skin. "You think I didn't follow you there? I was _thrilled_ when you went to Port Angeles. I could stay close to you, but you were able to stretch your wings for the first time, make your own decisions, live your own life, start to heal."

I nodded slightly. "Yes…I think that was the first point when I really woke up again. The Quileutes were good to me, they were. But they kept me so wrapped up in their love, so protected against reality, I didn't start learning to rely on myself until I was alone."

"Bella, you were never alone."

"I know that now," I replied thoughtfully. "Maybe part of me always did, maybe that's how I had the strength to do it. What I feel now," I stopped for a moment, trying to organize my thoughts. "I feel _whole_, Edward. I feel comfortable, like I'm supposed to be here, with you. I felt like there was always a part of me looking, waiting. I just didn't consciously realize that it was you, and that you were already there."

"I was always there, Bella. So many nights, after you went to sleep, I sat out on your balcony, wishing I could erase everything painful in your life, to make things easy and happy for you. But I wanted to be invited into your life, into your heart, I didn't want to force myself in. Even now if you told me to go, I would, but I wouldn't go far. There is nothing in my life without you and I want nothing more than to protect you and love you for the rest of my life."

We sat in silence for a long time after that, his arms wrapped around me and my nose against his jaw. I let my fingers run gently over his cool skin, wondering why I hadn't noticed everything that was so unusual about him before. So many things I now recognized as different, but not strange. They were just uniquely and endearingly _him_. So comfortable, so reassuring, so familiar to me now.

"Tell me more about vampires' gifts," I said finally.

"Not all vampires have them, or sometimes they're too subtle to be recognized as such. Rosalie and Esme are wonderful and unique in their own ways, but they don't have a tangible ability like you're thinking of. Emmett has brute physical strength, but he was strong as a human too. As I said, Alice can see the future, the path that you're on unless something changes. And things do change, often. She had no idea that you would react the way you did in the kitchen last night, but that was my fault. I chose my words very poorly and your reaction was understandable. She gave me hell for it."

I squeezed my arms tight around his shoulders, embarrassed to remember. It seemed very childish now.

"Jasper must have been very sensitive to people's moods as a human, now he has the ability to sense others' emotions, and he can influence the mood of those around him too. Like an emotional thermostat, if you will. Carlisle has a strength of conviction and compassion that I have never seen equaled, even in vampires much older than him. He's the only one of us that could be a doctor and deal with human blood and injuries every day, but he takes joy in being able to heal and give back. His gift is truly to be admired, I wish I had a fraction of his ability."

I nodded silently, there was a very deep kindness and compassion in Carlisle that anyone could see. "What about you, though?"

"I don't remember very much about my life as a human, but Carlisle believes that I must have been unusually attuned to the thoughts of those around me."

"Like Jasper?"

"Yes, but in a more concrete sense. When I awoke after my change, I was able to hear the thoughts of those around me."

"You…can read minds?"

"Yes."

I gasped a little, stunned. I had already noticed that Edward seemed unusually attuned to my needs and reactions, but to suddenly hear that all of my thoughts, especially those since yesterday evening had been on display for him…I wasn't sure whether to be humiliated, fascinated, terrified, or a combination of all three. I certainly didn't doubt the truth in his words.

"You though, Bella, are a mystery to me." He reached up to cup my face in his hand and run his thumb over my lips, his touch reassuring. "I have never been able to completely get inside your mind, and although I should be ashamed to admit it, I have tried my best. At the most, I would get little flickers of thoughts from you, fragments of ideas. With everyone else I can clearly hear their interior dialogue as they move through their lives. With you, I can sense your emotions or your mood in a more empathic sense, like Jasper's gift. When you were calm or happy, I would start hearing little pieces of thoughts. The only time I could clearly hear you and truly step inside your mind was when I looked directly into your eyes, and could see you looking back. It's as though it was the only time you invited me in."

I closed my eyes for a moment as the final piece clicked into place for me. Before last night, I could count on one hand the number of times I had looked Edward directly in the eyes. It had happened so infrequently, even after Charlie's death, that I could remember each and every time, and the jolt that always went through me. At the time I'd attributed it, along with everything else, to the shock of his inhuman beauty and my own reaction to it. Now I understood, though, why a sense of comfort and peace had always followed it. The idea of anyone else being inside my head was horrifying, but the knowledge that Edward had been only brought me a rush of emotion that I knew I would never be able to accurately express aloud.

I took a deep breath and sat up straight on his lap. I formed the words in my mind, and then turned to face him as I opened my eyes, willing with all my strength for him to hear me and recognize everything that was in my body and soul for him, at that moment, and for as long as he wanted it.

_Can you hear me, Edward? Can you tell how much I love you now?_

The jolt went through me, and this time I recognized it readily as it had rocked through me each time he'd looked into my eyes the night before. His hand went into my hair as he crushed his lips to mine, kissing me with a strength that didn't hurt, only reassured. I could tell that he'd moved from the chair, that he was running back up the stairs with me in his arms, and in bare seconds we were back in his room, in his bed. His lips moved rapidly over my face, kissing my neck, stopping only to murmur "I love you" against my skin before resuming their path over me. Every so often he would stop and return to my eyes, kissing each eyelid gently before I opened them, telling him that I loved him in the deepest, truest way that I knew how.

* * *

A/N: Wow, lots of stuff for Bella to process, but I'd say she's doing pretty well, hmm? For anyone who thinks it may be too much too fast, we'll touch on that in the next chapter.

Just a couple of other things: first, Renesmee may exist in the fabulous Stephenie Meyer's world, but she doesn't exist in mine. There will be no half-vampire/half-human perfect little babies in my story! Second, as I mention in my profile, I'm not big on angst. There will be some interesting twists in this story, but I like to think of it as the fairy tale that _Breaking Dawn_ never quite was for me. With lemons, of course. Which makes it a perfect Happy Place for my writing muse to live for a little while. If you'd like your romance a little angsty-er, or if you like AH stories, please check out my other story, _Make Your Own Kind of Music_. Thank you all for reading!!!


	3. Chapter 3

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and its characters. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Chapter Three**

"We're going _hiking_?" I nervously eyed the white cotton socks and expensive-looking hiking boots that Edward was holding out to me. Hiking…the least likely of all the things I'd have guessed he wanted to do today. I would have preferred to hide in his room for the rest of the day, but his mouth was set into a gentle smile, encouraging me even as he tucked the socks and boots into my hands. He had to know that I wasn't exactly the outdoorsy type…I would probably sprain my ankle in the first five minutes.

"Not hiking, but we are going for a walk which will happen to take us through the woods. It's only for a few miles, and I can carry you if you get tired."

The boots fit perfectly, of course. "Alice?" I asked, lacing them up.

"No, actually I picked those out." He looked pleased with himself. "Peeking into your closet to check your shoe size was something I was quite capable of doing on my own."

I shook my head, wondering exactly what other little details he was privy to. "So where are we going, then?"

"It's a place I've visited for as long as we've lived here. Very quiet and beautiful, although not as colorful right now, with the season. In the spring, I'll take you back to see all the wildflowers that grow there."

I finished lacing up my boots and stood, sticking a foot out for his approval. "Am I okay?"

"Bella, you are so much better than just okay," he growled softly, pulling me towards him. We kissed for a moment before he reluctantly pulled away. "I suppose we should go before I change my mind and keep you locked in here for the rest of the day."

I laughed breathlessly. "By all means, then…let's go _hiking_."

He smiled and planted a kiss one last kiss on my forehead, his demeanor much more relaxed and playful than it had been the night before. We descended to the main floor and he led me to the back door before stopping suddenly, a small chuckle escaping him. "I'd planned to do a great dramatic revelation later, in the proper setting, but apparently the weather isn't cooperating. Bella," he turned to me, "Would you like to see why vampires avoid the sunlight?"

I glanced quickly at the sunny swath of light between the house and the garage, then eyed him cautiously. "You're not going to…burn or explode or anything like that are you?"

He shook his head, still smiling. "No, nothing that dramatic, although it's obvious enough that we always deliberately seek out overcast places to live, why we always skipped school on sunny days."

"I've seen you in the sunlight," I objected.

"No, you've seen me in the _daylight_. Indirect overcast light is very different from direct sunlight, but I'll let the effect speak for itself. After you?" He opened the back door and politely gestured for me to proceed. I took a deep breath and stepped outside, walked to the point where the sun shone down brightest on the driveway, and then stopped. "Can I turn around?"

"Whenever you're ready."

I wasn't quite sure what I expected…for him to have suddenly been rendered invisible, or wrapped up in a dark cloak away from the sun's rays perhaps. I certainly didn't expect the brilliance that met my eyes.

Edward stood only a step or two behind me, his hands spread in a self-deprecating manner, his crooked smile in place. Only the skin on his hands and face was exposed, but it was enough: the sunlight glinted and refracted off his skin like quartz in granite, like a million tiny diamonds embedded in the marble of his skin. It was a stunning sight and I couldn't help but slowly move back to him, my hand reaching out to take one of his. I ran my fingers slowly over his exposed skin, marveling in the way the way the facets glittered and cast reflections of the sunlight back over me.

"Strange, isn't it?" his voice was wry. I looked at him; his voice was calm but his eyes were waiting for my reaction. I stepped closer to him and wound my arms around his neck, squinting against the sharp points of refracted sunlight as I gently placed a kiss on his lips.

"I guess I need to get sunglasses," I whispered, and in a moment his face was buried in my hair, his arms wrapped hard around me.

"Bella…you will never cease to amaze me. You're handling everything better than I could have ever hoped."

I pulled back a little. "Well…it's _unusual_ to say the least. Does Carlisle have a theory about this too?"

At that, his face lit up, he threw back his head and laughed. "Nothing useful, it's obviously a side effect of our skin's impermeability, but we don't know _why_, or what evolutionary purpose it serves. Emmett's theory is that it gives our prey some warning on sunny days. You could certainly see us coming, at least."

"Hence the tradition of vampires only coming out at night," I mused aloud. "What else haven't you told me?"

He hugged me close to his side and we started towards the garage again. "I promise you that all of the stories about bats and garlic and crosses are completely untrue."

I giggled a little, this conversation was surreal. "Thank goodness for that, I'd hate to have to wrap my mind around you turning into a bat."

He rolled his eyes as he opened the smaller entry door on the side of the garage, again gesturing for me to go ahead of him. Just as I stepped inside I felt a quick swat on my rear end and let out a screech which echoed embarrassingly in the enormous space. Lights flickered on as I turned accusingly to Edward, but his smile was innocent as he shut the door behind us. I narrowed my eyes, not wanting to give him any warning, going completely still before I pounced at him.

As quickly as I moved, he was faster, catching me and pulling me up to meet his lips. I balanced on my tiptoes, threading my fingers through his hair and pressing my body closer into his. He groaned into my mouth as I wriggled against him.

"It has been at least five minutes," I murmured, "Since you last kissed me. I am feeling deprived."

In a heartbeat, he spun us both around and pushed my back up against the door we'd just come through. "Let it never be said that I deprived you of _anything_, my darling." His hips pressed up tightly against me, limiting my movements as his hands traveled downwards, coming to rest on my waist. He nuzzled my jaw, cool lips nipping gently at my skin, his tongue following. I let my head loll back until it rested against the door, one of my hands ran down the unyielding muscles of his arm, the other scratched his back and I whimpered when he licked my ear.

"I could make you come right here, Bella. Is that what you want?" His voice was suddenly low in my ear, gravelly with the need that swirled around us both. It was like a flash fire, the heat that surged through me at his words, made only hotter as his hips tilted deeper against me and I felt him hardening rapidly through his jeans.

"Yes," I gasped out, the thudding in my chest stealing my breath. "Edward, please…I need you."

His hands were making quick work of the button and zipper of my jeans, his lips still pressed close to my ear. "Say that again, Bella. Tell me how much you need me."

I groaned, so aroused that the words felt thick and heavy as I pushed them out. "I need you, Edward. I need you inside of me. Please…I want you so badly right now." Cool air hit my legs as my jeans were pushed down below my knees, panties following, kept from going any further by the hiking boots laced tightly around my ankles. I felt his hand move between us to unbutton his own jeans, slightly rougher in his urgency, and a jolt of adrenaline rushed through my veins. Last night and this morning he had been loving, tender, and considerate, lustful yes, but this Edward was different. He was more demanding, gentleness overridden by his hunger, his desperation to have me, and _I liked it_.

A surge of confidence went through me at the thought, I tilted my face to whisper to him as his knees spread my legs as far as they could go with the jeans restraining them below. "I need you so much right now, Edward. Don't make me wait." Then I bit his earlobe, hard.

He growled, louder than I'd ever heard him, lifted my body slightly to hold me against the cold door, then pushed into me quickly and without preamble. The sensation of so suddenly being filled sent an overwhelming shock of excitement throughout my body, made more so by the constriction of my legs. The jeans shackling my ankles allowed my thighs to part only enough to permit him entry, forcing my body to squeeze tightly over him as he plunged inside of me. I was pinned up against the door, unable to wrap around him or to even rise to meet his thrusts, and I finally gave up control of my body and its escalating pleasure to him. His hands wrapped over my ribcage as he pressed his forehead against mine, forcing me to meet his hot gaze, eyes pitch-black with lust.

"Tell me again. Tell me how much you want me right now. _Show_ me what I'm doing to you."

I showed him. I gave up trying to articulate the sensations that were screaming through my veins, instead letting him see in my mind exactly what I felt. All the raw emotions: excitement, desperation, passion, exquisite bliss and most of all, my overwhelming _need _for him. The rapidly-building pressure low in my abdomen was squeezing the air out of my lungs, allowing only little pants to escape, dragging all sensation away from my limbs, leaving them tingling as he pushed me over the edge. I forced my eyes to stay open but my vision blurred as I gasped his name and gave up to the pulses of pleasure rocking me.

"Bella…oh…so beautiful, so beautiful…ohhhh…" and then it was on him too, his hips losing their established rhythm as he jerked within me, throwing his head back, groaning through his own climax, lost inside of the moment between us. After a moment his head nodded forward again, forehead against mine, lips pressed close.

"You make me forget that I don't have to breathe," he murmured, the movement of his mouth forcing my own lips to move soundlessly.

_I love you_.

A hand came up to cup my face as he kissed me, tenderly and without hurry now. "Bella…whatever you do…please don't ever stop telling me you love me. With your eyes. In your mind. Down where only _I_ can hear you."

_Never_.

His lips, so gentle now, kissed each eyelid as I shut them.

"Mine," he whispered.

We eventually moved away from the door, his cool hands easily helping me to pull my clothing back into place. When we were both reassembled he gave me a long thoughtful look, then pulled me close for another kiss. "Just when I think I can't love you any more, Bella Swan, you amaze me all over again."

I smiled. "I enjoy every part of you, Edward Cullen."

He chuckled. "And I you." He settled me into my seat in his car, then was in his own seat in a flash. His face was relaxed with that peaceful satiation I'd already grown to love, and I gave myself up to the enjoyment of just watching him as he started the car and pulled quickly out of the garage.

"Where exactly are we going again?" My concerns about our hiking trip had receded; I knew that he wouldn't force me to do something that I genuinely couldn't.

"It's a meadow, well, more of a clearing actually. I found it one day while I was hunting by myself and it's been my own hideaway since then. I thought a lot about you there."

I smiled, I couldn't help the little thrill that went through me when he said things like that. "I'm sure I'll feel right at home, then."

"I hope so," he said simply, reaching over to take my hand in his. We drove in a restful silence for a while, listening to the quiet piano music he had on the stereo. I watched the greenery flash by without any pressing thoughts on my mind, completely comfortable with the tranquility between us.

Eventually Edward pulled the car to the side of the road, dirt and gravel crunching under the tires. "We'll be walking from here, love, but you can tell me any time you need to rest." I nodded and my hand went to the door handle but he was already pulling it open, his hand outstretched to help me out. He placed a quick kiss on my lips before pulling a bulging backpack out of the trunk and slinging it over his shoulders. I gazed out into the thick forest surrounding us…we were hiking from here?

His cool hand slid into mine and squeezed. "Any time you get tired, just say the word. I can carry you, or we can sit for a while, whichever you prefer."

I took a deep breath and nodded, prayed briefly that I wouldn't trip over some tree roots and humiliate myself, and followed him into the muted quiet of the forest. From the moment we stepped foot into the shadows he began speaking again, this time telling me about Carlisle and his long story, the history of the Cullens.

The dark forest floor passed under me as I slipped further under the spell of his voice. He told me about Carlisle's life, his loneliness, and finally the circumstances that set him across Edward's path in 1918. He spoke unabashedly about his first few years as a newborn, as he called it, and then of Esme's entry into their lonely orbit. Of his rebellious years and what they entailed, then his return to Carlisle and Esme. He told me Rosalie's story, then Emmett's. A brief mention of their first interaction with the Quileutes, then of Alice and Jasper's joining them. He spoke easily of the relationships in his family, his voice giving no indication of his feelings about being the only unmated vampire amongst them for so long. I found that my feet moved with unconscious ease as I listened to him, too enthralled to worry about things like tripping.

Eventually, we came to a place where I'd just finally noticed a slight lifting of the forest's shadows around us. He stopped and wrapped his arm around my waist, tugging me close to him.

"Bella, this is my place, the only place I've ever truly had away from my family while I was at peace. I wanted to bring you here because it's all I have right now that is completely _mine_. I want to always be able to think of you here, just you and I. I want it to be _ours_ now."

"Ours," I promised him. He smiled luminously at me, placed a soft kiss on my lips, then moved again, urging me forward with him.

"As I said previously, it's much more beautiful in the spring and summer, when everything is growing and the flowers are blooming. But there's always a sense of peace to it." We finally came to the edge of the tree line, stepping back into the warmth of the sun, into a perfectly round little clearing. We walked to the center and stood for a moment before Edward dropped the backpack onto the grass, the blades still remarkably green for being mid-autumn.

"It's so quiet here," I remarked. "Like a little bubble away from the rest of the world."

"Exactly," he agreed, casting another crooked smile at me. He bent and began emptying the backpack: there was a soft fleece blanket with a canvas backing which we spread immediately, a brown paper bag containing fruit, granola bars, and bottles of water for me, and a tissue-wrapped package that he set aside. We sat down, then laid back, he held out his arms to me and I moved into them automatically, laying my head on his chest. It was an unseasonably warm day, especially so in the sun, and soon I was drowsy. I was blinking back sleep when Edward finally spoke.

"You haven't asked very many questions of me, Bella."

"I've been organizing my thoughts," I yawned.

"This is a very good place for thinking."

"Yes." I was quiet for a short while after that. "I guess I have so many questions that I'm not really sure where to start."

"Can I make a suggestion?"

"Of course."

"At this very time, yesterday afternoon, your world was completely different. You were cleaning your apartment, getting ready for work. And now, twenty-four hours later…"

I nodded against his chest, choosing my words carefully. "I don't want it to sound as though I doubt you, or your feelings for me, or the feelings that I unquestionably have for you. I was very attracted to you in school, Edward, you know that. But this has all happened so _fast_, I don't understand it. Not that I'm complaining, but it's a little overwhelming when I step back and think about it logically."

His hand began stroking my hair. "I understand everything you're saying, love. For me, the answer is much more straightforward. Not only have I had over a year and a half to build up to this moment, but my very nature means that such passion is normal. Vampires don't date casually and then gradually fall in love. Our attachments are formed instinctually and without reservation. After I realized and accepted why I was so drawn to you, it was like a puzzle piece snapping into place. When we find our other half, our soul mate, we become bonded to them in every way. We mate for life and that bond is unbreakable. We may have friendships, even physical relationships with others, but when we meet the one we're destined to spend eternity with…it immediately creates a bond that cannot be severed. To me, you and I are two halves of one entity now."

"So, the short answer is that it is your nature to form such bonds, so quickly?"

"Yes. For a vampire, it is completely normal."

"But I'm not a vampire," I whispered into his chest. "I understand why it's like this for _you_, I just don't understand why it seems to be the same for _me_."

"I don't understand it either," he replied thoughtfully. "If we had met while I was human I have no doubt that we would have fallen in love the old-fashioned way, and we would have ended up together then too. But your response to me now _is_ very similar to a vampire's…I have no idea if it's normal, as I've never met a vampire who was in an actual relationship with a human. Esme and Emmett were both dying when Carlisle and Rosalie found them, there's no way to know what their reactions would have been under different circumstances. I wonder if perhaps you're being influenced in some way by my own feelings…you and I share a deep bond already."

"That sounds possible."

"Or perhaps it would be this way for any vampire who meets their destined mate, while they're still human. Of course it can't be discounted that humans are able to love deeply and passionately as well."

"I feel," I hesitated, "The only word I can think of at the moment is that I feel _right_. I'm not afraid of all this, I'm not afraid of how I feel. I trust that and I trust you. But it's as though in the blink of an eye _everything_ inside of me changed, without me even consciously realizing it. It makes me happy, but I'm not sure if I'm looking at a different world, or the difference is all me."

Edward laughed a little and hugged me. "Twenty-four hours ago, if someone had told you that tomorrow you'd be madly in love with a vampire, and that vampire was Edward Cullen…"

"Exactly. It's as though overnight my mind flipped magnetic poles."

"Bella, I don't want you to ever feel that you can't tell me if you _do_ feel things are moving too fast. I understand what you're saying, and it brings me nothing but the greatest joy to hear it, but at some point it may seem overwhelming for you. For example, when we go back to the house…my family already loves you. You may feel that you barely know them, but they've known for some time that we were moving towards this point, and they'll just pick up from there. They consider you part of the family already. Alice especially…and her exuberance is overwhelming even to us."

"I feel like we have a lot to thank Alice for."

"Yes, we do."

"I can't help but wish there'd been some way…I feel like we missed out on a year and a half of _this_. I mean, I'm very happy that I didn't end up _dead_, but I just think back and wonder what if…"

Edward laughed again. "You wouldn't have liked me very much, Bella, even my own family could barely stand me during that time. I was constantly obsessing over you, worrying all of the time about your safety, berating myself for posing the greatest danger to you while at the same time being selfish enough to want you anyway. I was not a joy to be around, to put it mildly."

"When did that all change for you?"

"Charlie's funeral," he answered promptly. "You mentioned before feeling as though magnetic poles in your mind had shifted…that would be a very apt description for me as well. When we are changed, to a great extent our personalities remain frozen along with our bodies. It is extremely difficult for us to change our ways of thinking, although it's easier if it's a gradual evolution. The world we live in today is very different from the world that I grew up in, the one that Jasper knew, and certainly the one Carlisle was born into. We have adapted because the world gradually required us to. But a sudden and immediate change is almost impossible for us to make.

"Up until the funeral, you'd seemed like a waking dream to me, Bella. Even as I saw you every day, watched you, worked to know you, you were a beautiful untouchable dream. I spent every moment thinking about you, studying you, trying to force myself to be better for you. I could have done it eventually, I know, but it would have been…" Here he paused, struggling for words, "Superficial. I was doing it for the wrong reasons, I was doing it for _me_. I am a selfish creature, I wanted to be able to hold you for my own satisfaction. Love you because it pleased _me_. I'd hoped that you would love me back, Alice assured me that you would, but all my actions were centered around my needs and desires. All I thought about at that time was what _I _wanted.

"At the funeral, you stood there looking completely alone even surrounded by people. Emmett and Jasper almost had to physically drag me away because I wanted to be there by your side, giving you every ounce of strength I had. I was ready to break into your house and declare myself that night, to stand between you and whatever pain or loneliness might threaten you. But it was Rosalie, of all people, who snapped me out of it. She was exasperated with my moping at that point, and finally said "Think about someone other than you for once, Edward. Do you really think that's what Bella needs right now?"

I smiled a little, imagining Edward's intimidating beautiful blonde sister standing up to him.

"Her words truly knocked me out of my own little self-obsessed orbit. I hadn't even remotely considered what _you _needed. I'd heard enough from Alice to know that you would love me eventually, and I suppose I'd considered it a foregone conclusion. Everything else was about _me_. Suddenly, I had to ask myself what _you_ needed, what you wanted. What kind of man you would want me to be. And I realized that the man I was, even if I eventually became completely immune to your blood, was not the kind of man you needed or deserved."

"Exactly how is what you wanted different from what I wanted?" I queried, genuinely curious. Edward and I fit together so perfectly now, our actions and thoughts so perfectly aligned, I couldn't imagine our needs being too dissimilar.

He laughed and tugged me on top of him, where I sat up, perched easily on his stone pelvis. His hands came to rest on my hips. "Bella, if it had been entirely up to me, I would have wrapped you up in cottonwool, as the saying goes. I would have second-guessed everything, trying to determine if it was in your best interest. I would have been in your room every single night, making sure you didn't stop breathing for an instant, I probably would have carried you around everywhere like an infant, and I most certainly had plans to disable your truck so I could put you in something safer."

"You didn't…" I started, raising my eyebrows. He lifted his hands in a gesture of self-defense, his grin broad now.

"No, your truck's untimely demise last night was pure chance. Or fate, if you will."

"I _like_ my truck!"

"In that case, give it to Rosalie when she gets back. It'll be better than Christmas for her, to find such a challenge waiting in the garage. She's very capable with cars."

"What am I supposed to drive in the meantime?"

"You can use my car, if you like."

That brought my thoughts to another question that had been bouncing around the back of my mind. "Edward, I have to go back to school on Monday. I have a life, as boring as it is, back in Port Angeles."

"Yes?" His smile remained calm and unperturbed, his fingers rubbing little circles over my hips.

"It seems very far away, after last night, but I _like_ my life there. I'm enjoying my classes, I have another two months on my lease…" Here my voice trailed off because Edward was still smiling at me, although his fingers were now inching up along my waist.

"I'll take you back to Port Angeles, love."

"I guess…after what you just said about what you wanted…I thought you'd want me to stay here with you."

He shook his head slowly. "You're more than welcome to, of course, and to drive back and forth from Port Angeles. But is that what _you_ want?"

"No. Or, at least, not right now."

"I didn't think you would. Our house is not normally as private as it was this morning, and I would prefer to have you all to myself for a little while."

I cocked my head to look at him, my lips turning up into a smile. "You make it very easy to love you, Edward Cullen."

"I'm glad you think so," he murmured, his hands now wrapped around my ribcage, his long hard fingers edging to the underside of my breasts.

"Does this mean you're willing to move in with me?" I wiggled against him where I sat astride his hips.

"I was hoping you would ask me to," he half-groaned, his hands twitching slightly against me.

"Will you spend the night in bed with me? It's only a double, but…" My words trailed off into a gasp as his fingertips moved firmly over the peaks of my breasts.

"There is no place I'd rather be than in your bed every single night." I could feel his arousal growing under me and my body responded immediately, my heartbeat speeding up. I slowly ground my hips over him, thrilling to the moan that came from his parted lips.

"Tell me you love me," I whispered. I didn't _need_ to hear it, but I wanted to his watch his face as he said it.

"Bella…I love you."

"Tell me you need me." Placing my hands flat against the ground on either side of his head, I slipped my feet back until I was stretched out over his body. His eyes darkened as I moved over him, watching me as I slowly licked my lips. I'd never felt more beautiful in my life, seeing the reaction of the man under me.

"I need you. I want you. Please…Bella…don't make me wait."

My words from earlier. I made quick work of his jeans and mine, pushing them just far enough to be out of the way, easing back down onto him, holding my breath as the pleasure of him filled me and scorched every nerve ending in my body.

Afterwards, we lay side by side, his fingertips gently tracing the lines of my face. "You are a most remarkably resilient creature, Bella."

"I prefer the word insatiable, myself." I shivered a little as a cool breeze blew over us, the temperature had been slowly dropping throughout the afternoon and the sun peeked out less often.

Edward noticed, of course. "We should probably head back soon. I can almost hear Alice yelling at me from here, to get you back home. Before we go, though," he sat up in of those lightning-fast movements I was still growing accustomed to. "I have a gift for you, and I wanted to give it to you here."

I sat up more slowly, a little nervous. I'd never been particularly graceful about accepting gifts due to Renee's penchant for always buying something completely inappropriate or ridiculously over our household budget. I zipped up my jacket, hoping it wouldn't be anything expensive.

Edward turned back to me, holding the tissue paper-wrapped package he'd set aside earlier. He reached out to take my hand, gently placed a kiss on the palm, and then set the package on it. It was wrapped simply, just the tissue held in place with a ribbon, and I opened it to discover a beautiful leather-bound book. I ran my hands over the dark rich cover and knew that although it was unquestionably expensive, that I couldn't refuse this gift from him.

I looked up and smiled. "Thank you, Edward."

"It's a journal," he said softly. "It goes without saying that we are required to guard the secret of our true nature very carefully, and there is no one, aside from us, that you will be able to talk to about it. I hope that you will feel comfortable writing down your thoughts in here, when the time comes that you wish you had someone to confide in."

"I can confide in you," I murmured.

"Yes, at any time and about anything. But sometimes you may not want to. I will never betray your confidence by opening it ever again, after this time." His hands gently covered mine and opened the journal's front cover. There, written in his copperplate script, was a verse.

_I love you, not for what you are, but what I am, when I am with you.  
I love you not only for what you have made of yourself, _

_but what you are making of me. – Roy Croft_

And under that:

_I will love you eternally,_

_Edward Anthony Masen Cullen_

I ran my fingertips carefully over his name, too full of emotion to trust myself to speak. The love, the trust, that this beautiful man was giving me…without reservation or hesitation, wholly offering his soul to me…it was almost too much. What had I done in my short unremarkable life to deserve such a gift?

Edward's finger under my chin tipped my head up to face him. "I can hear you, Bella. And I hope that someday you will understand that what you are giving me is so much more than I could ever hope to repay. But I will spend the rest of my life trying."

My smile trembled. _I love you, Edward Anthony Masen Cullen_.

His finger stroked my cheek. "I love you, Isabella Marie Swan. Never doubt that you will hold my heart for all of eternity." He pulled me into his arms after that and held me for a while, until a stronger gust of wind rippled through the meadow.

"We should go, the last thing I want is for you to get sick and have _that_ memory of our meadow."

He packed up the bag again in record time, gently re-wrapping the journal in the tissue paper and tucking it into the front pocket. I watched, trying to hide my shivering from him…I could almost feel the temperature dropping as we stood there.

"Bella, I think I should get you back into a warm car sooner rather than later. Do you mind if I carry you?"

"I wasn't looking forward to the hike back," I admitted.

He carefully helped to settle the backpack over my shoulders, then turned around. "Hop on then, if you please." I hopped and he caught me even from behind, gently boosting me up onto his back and wrapping my arms and legs around him.

"Hold on tight, and if you start to feel dizzy, shut your eyes. I run very fast."

I was glad he'd warned me about feeling dizzy, after a few seconds of seeing the dark shadows of the forest whipping past at impossible speeds, I shut my eyes and buried my face in his neck, thankful when the dizziness went away almost immediately. His strides were so smooth that I almost couldn't tell we were moving after that, and literally within minutes, we were back at his car.

"Wow," was all I could force out.

He kissed both of my hands before helping me off his back. "Running is my favorite thing to do. Well…second favorite now."

"Ha ha," I retorted breathlessly, steadying myself against the car as he pulled the pack from me, handing me the journal before tossing the pack in the trunk. "I guess I'll get used to it…after I closed my eyes it was nice. And you can't beat the speed."

"Indeed," he concurred, opening my door for me. "Are you ready to really meet my family?"

I hugged the journal tight to my chest, the rich leather feeling warm under my fingers. "Yes, I am now."

* * *

A/N - A sweet little chapter, letting Bella understand a little more about Edward and where he was coming from. Next up, let's meet the Cullens! And in case I haven't made it clear, the party was Friday night, this was Saturday. They still have all of Sunday before they have to get back to real life on Monday.

I can't thank you all enough for the wonderful reviews you leave, they absolutely make my day, especially when I've rewritten something a dozen times and have writer's block! Your kind words get my creative juices flowing!


	4. Chapter 4

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and its characters. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Chapter Four**

On the way back to his house, Edward tried to warn me again about Alice. "Alice overwhelms even us sometimes, love, and we've had decades to get used to her. She always means well, but she can be a little overenthusiastic at times. Just keep in mind that you can always say no to her, she'll pout and keep trying to convince you, but she'll get over it eventually."

"I don't remember her being that way at all." I'd had almost no interaction with Edward's sister in school, although I remembered her eyes were always kind, but I definitely wouldn't have pegged her as "overenthusiastic." She, like the rest of the Cullens, hadn't done much socializing with the other students at Forks High.

"You're in for a big surprise, then. I'm not sure how someone so tiny can give off as much energy as she does, even as a vampire."

"Energy is good."

"Energy is an understatement. I have no idea if she was this hyperactive when she was human, but my personal theory is that it all leads back to her being able to see the future. Just imagine if every single day, you were able to see all the fantastic exciting things that are just around the corner for you and the ones you love. She's like a child trying to go to sleep on Christmas Eve, knowing that wonderful things are just a few hours away, but unable to sleep because of it. She and Jasper balance each other out very well."

"She sounds like fun."

Edward laughed a little as he turned into the Cullens' private drive. "Don't get me wrong, I love Alice dearly. She is definitely the most _fun_ of all of us, although Emmett certainly gives her a run for her money. I just want you to know what is waiting for you…when you find out what she already has planned for you, just remember that you don't have to do any of it."

I smiled, wondering what in the world Alice could have in store for me that could be so dreadful.

"One other thing I wanted to mention to you…don't be surprised that Jasper isn't as warmly welcoming as the rest of my family. He spent more years following a traditional vampire diet than not, so he'll probably keep his distance from you until he grows more comfortable with your scent."

I shivered a little, thinking about a "traditional vampire diet." Edward's hand immediately reached out and enclosed mine. "He won't hurt you, I promise. He's as happy as the others about us, but he would rather be overly cautious at first."

"Okay. Edward, do you run into, um, traditional vampires very often?"

"From time to time. They occasionally seek us out for curiosity's sake. You don't need to worry about them, I would never let anything happen to you." His words were a promise, and I relaxed a little.

"It's still a little hard to wrap my mind around the actual mechanics and specifics of _you_ being a vampire."

"In that case, don't think of me as a vampire. Think of me as a man who happens to be on a special diet, can run a mile in seconds, and sparkles in the sun. In fact…" He broke off, and then groaned.

"What's wrong?" I looked at him just as we emerged from the wooded drive to the clearing in front of the Cullens' home, and he jerked his chin at the house. I turned to look, at first unable to see anything in the dusk, but then a form became visible on the front porch. A tiny person, arms crossed impatiently over her chest, foot tapping in an exaggerated manner, giant pout on her angelic features.

"Alice," Edward muttered, an acknowledgment rather than a question, even as he drove past the house and around the back to the garage.

"Oh, wow, I guess she was waiting for us?"

He reached over and unfastened my seatbelt. "Just remember what I…"

His next words were cut off as my door was abruptly yanked open and in a heartbeat I was swept up into a ferociously tight hug. "Bella!" Alice squealed, not releasing her hold on me. "I have been _waiting_ to do that for _ages!_"

I wheezed out a weak laugh, overcome by her excitement and her grasp. "It's nice to meet you too, Alice."

She unwrapped her arms from around my waist and grabbed my hand, taking a step back. An enormous grin of pure joy was on her face and I couldn't help but smile back, I couldn't remember the last time someone had been so unabashedly happy to see me…delight was absolutely radiating off of her. I could almost feel it vibrating through the cold hand she had firmly clutching mine.

"Has he told you everything? Are we all caught up? Because he's had you for a whole day and I haven't even had a chance to…"

"Alice," Edward said firmly, shutting his door and coming around the car. "That's it exactly. I've only had her for twenty-four hours. Don't plan on running off with her any time soon."

She scowled at him. "I've been waiting for this longer than you have, don't forget that."

He reached out to take my free hand. "Don't push it."

She tossed her head. "We've all been waiting for you to get back. Come on!" She tugged on my hand, pulling me behind her out of the garage and towards the house. Edward trailed behind, still securely holding my other hand, rubbing his thumb reassuringly over my knuckles.

_Thanks for the warning_, I thought briefly in his direction, hoping he'd catch at least the gist of it without eye contact. Apparently he did, there was a low chuckle behind me as Alice dragged us through the back door and into the living room.

Dr. Cullen and Esme were waiting for us there, Alice and Edward finally released my hands. Esme immediately came forward, a happy smile animating her beautiful face as she embraced me. "We're so happy you're here, Bella." She kept her hand fondly on my back as Dr. Cullen…Carlisle…took my hand and grasped it gently.

"Truly we are, Bella. I'm so glad I can welcome you to the family now."

Warmth flooded my chest at the open honesty in their words. There was no mistaking their sincerity and for the first time in months, I felt the enveloping comfort of a family's love.

"Thank you both, so much. I can't tell you what it means to me after…" I stopped, my throat choking up. Edward came up from behind and wrapped his arms around me, chin resting gently on my shoulder, the familiar lines of his body giving me silent strength and reassurance to continue. "It feels so good to be in a family again."

Carlisle smiled, pulling Esme close to his side. "I assure you, Bella, we know exactly what you mean. We all finally feel like our family is whole."

Edward rubbed his hand gently over my abdomen, and I was sure he didn't need eye contact to feel the emotions that were surging through me. All at once, this openhanded love and acceptance…it was wonderful but also bittersweet, bringing back memories of the families I'd had before.

"I don't think you've officially met Jasper!" came Alice's lilting voice from my left. I turned to see her standing close to Jasper, her arm tucked through his. I recognized him from the semester he'd been at Forks High with me, of course, but I couldn't remember ever speaking or interacting with him. He was tall with honey-blond hair, the same pale skin and perfect features as the others. He smiled kindly at me.

"I'm very pleased to meet you, Bella," he murmured, a soft Southern drawl slowing his words.

"Likewise, Jasper." I forced myself not to think about Edward's words regarding Jasper's more traditional vampire diet. The beautiful blond man before me didn't look any more dangerous or threatening than any other member of his family, and I felt myself relax a little.

"You'll have to wait until Friday to meet Emmett and Rosalie," Carlisle spoke again. "They're in Europe at the moment, but Alice assures me that they've already decided to return home."

"Emmett…oh!" All at once, I remembered the faint memory from the night before, Edward reassuring me that Emmett would push my truck back behind the garage so that Lori wouldn't see it and come looking for me.

"What is it?" Edward queried softly, close to my ear.

"I guess I…well…who moved my truck?"

Alice giggled, but it was Edward who spoke. "At that moment, I thought it would be awkward if I had to explain that _Alice_ was the one pushing your truck behind the garage. I knew you'd believe it was Emmett."

_Vampires_, I thought briefly to myself, but then I had a sudden mental image of tiny little Alice, in her fluttery _I Dream of Jeannie_ costume and wig, pushing and shoving my rusting behemoth truck back behind the Cullens' garage. I couldn't help it, giggles began bubbling up from deep inside me. Carlisle, Esme and Alice looked confused, Jasper smiled, and Edward tugged at my hips.

"What is it?"

I turned to him, pressing my hand over my mouth, and showed him the image in my mind. A wide grin split his face then, and he pulled me closer to him. "I think it must have been exactly like that, yes," he mumbled, another chuckle escaping him before he quickly kissed the eyelids I'd shut.

"Enough enough!" Alice trilled, bouncing a little on her toes. Edward's arms tightened around me.

"No, Alice."

"But…"

"No." His voice was low and firm. "It's late and she needs to eat, remember?"

"Oh!" Esme exclaimed from behind me. "Yes, I made dinner for you, I hope you like chicken!"

"I do," I assured her, just as Alice spoke from behind me: "She does." Edward muttered something under his breath.

"Please, go sit down in the dining room…I'll bring it out to you." In a flash Esme disappeared, even as my offer to help died on my lips. Edward tucked a hand into mine and guided me to sit at the heavy dining room table where I'd eaten breakfast…had it only been this morning? He pulled out a chair for me and, as I sat, ran his cool fingers gently over the back of my neck.

"I know it goes against the grain for you, but she's enjoying it, very much," he said quietly. "She hasn't had anyone to really take care of for a long time."

"Okay," I whispered in reply, determined to be gracious even if I _did_ feel awkward with Esme Cullen waiting on me. Edward smiled and sat down next to me just as Esme came in with platters in both hands. A heaping salad. Roasted chicken, sautéed green beans, fluffy mashed potatoes. And what looked like an enormous serving of tiramisu. My mouth watered.

"Esme, thank you, this looks absolutely incredible!" She beamed, looking every inch the doting mother.

"What can I get you to drink?"

"Water is fine, really." She was gone and back in a few seconds, carrying a crystal goblet and a pitcher filled with ice water.

"I thought something hot and not too fancy would work, since you've been outside all afternoon…"

"This is perfect. Thank you so much." She smiled again, obviously pleased, and ran her hand gently over my hair.

"We'll be in the living room." Then she was gone. I looked at Edward, who shrugged.

"Human food doesn't smell appetizing to us."

"Oh," I mumbled, embarrassed. "You don't have to stay if you don't want to."

He shook his head, gesturing for me to eat. "Honestly, I'd rather be in here with you. It's not so bad for me when I can concentrate on you."

I would have protested further, but the food in front of me smelled divine, and I dug in immediately. Edward sat motionless for a while, his eyes on my face, then he set my journal on the table. I hadn't even noticed that he had it, I assumed it had fallen from my lap when Alice had yanked me unceremoniously from the car.

"They love you, trust me."

I shut my eyes I swallowed the chicken, it tasted absolutely perfect and made me realize how hungry I was. "It makes me very happy to hear that. I think I love them too, already."

"I think we should go to bed early, you must be exhausted…and it's one way to keep Alice at bay."

"I heard that!" came an immediate shriek from the other room, and Edward rolled his eyes.

"I'll drive us back to Port Angeles whenever you're ready tomorrow."

Ugh…Port Angeles. Schoolwork, reality. It seemed very far away from the magic spell I'd been living in since yesterday. "I do have quite a bit to do before class on Monday, I hadn't, um, planned on being Forks all weekend."

"We'll go back early, then."

"What will you do while I'm in class?"

Edward shrugged. "I don't know yet, I hadn't really thought about it. Probably the same thing I did before you knew I was there…read, hunt, come back here and visit my family on sunny days, go back to your apartment and wait for you to come home."

I frowned a little. "I don't like the idea of you sitting around waiting for me to get home."

"Don't worry, love, I'll find something to do. Maybe I'll drag a piano up to your apartment and play music all day, I'm sure your neighbors would love that."

"There's nowhere to put a piano in my apartment. We'll have to get you an electronic keyboard."

The look of horror on Edward's face was priceless. "An _electronic keyboard_?" I snickered and heard laughter coming from the Cullens in the other room too, quickly smothered.

"Apartment living requires sacrifices, Edward," I said sweetly.

He shook his head slowly. "That settles it then, I'll spend my time house-hunting for us while you're in class. Really, Bella, an electronic keyboard?"

"Don't be a snob, I didn't even know that you played."

"I'll play for you as soon as you've finished dinner. Do you have any requests?"

I thought for a moment as I finished eating, savoring the perfection of the tiramisu. Renee had always enjoyed listening to classical music, and although I was mostly familiar with the more famous pieces, I'd started listening to it more often after my move to Port Angeles. I had a cd of quiet classical piano pieces that I listened to each night after I got into bed, it always helped me to fall asleep. I could ask him to play any of those but I was pretty sure that I'd butcher the names, if I even matched them up correctly to the composer. "I'll let you pick," I said finally.

Edward stood and held his hand out to me, but I hesitated. "Let me put the dishes away first." He started to protest, but I quickly gathered the empty dishes and moved towards the kitchen where I rinsed them and put them into the dishwasher we'd used at the party. Edward set the crystal pitcher and glass next to the sink, then put his hands on the counter, one on either side of me, trapping me just as he'd done the night before. He reached up to run his finger along my cheekbone and I shivered at the déjà vu.

"Since you didn't believe me when I told you this last night," he whispered, close to my ear, "I'll repeat myself. You're perfect, beautiful, in every way. And _now_ I can tell you that I love you."

This time I didn't hesitate, I lifted my arms to wrap around his neck and pulled his glorious face down to mine, kissing him fiercely to show him exactly how much I loved him too. His cool lips parted immediately, his tongue seeking entry into my mouth even as his hand left the counter to run down to my lower back, firmly pressing me against his arousal. I broke away from his lips and gasped. "Edward…your family."

He growled a little. "For all I've had to put up with from them over the years, I honestly don't care, but I know you do." He pressed a quick hard kiss on my lips and then pulled away, taking my hand. "Come, I really would like to play for you."

We went back into the enormous living room, towards the gleaming grand piano that I'd failed to notice before. Carlisle and Esme were seated together on a large white couch, both of them were holding books although Esme's sat unopened in her lap, her eyes on us. She smiled encouragingly at me just as Alice danced back into the room, Jasper close behind. They sat together on the bottom of the giant staircase.

Edward ignored them and settled himself at the piano, indicating that I should sit next to him. "No requests? Maybe something to help you sleep?" Then his fingers were flying over the keys and my astonishment at the rich beauty of the music was eclipsed only by his choice of songs to play. It was the first song from my disk of bedtime piano music…but, of course he would be familiar with it, if what he'd told me earlier was true. He must have heard it hundreds of times, sitting out on my balcony after I'd gone to bed.

"_Liebesträume_ #3, by Liszt," he whispered in my ear, not even the slightest hesitation in his playing although he wasn't looking at the keys. Do you know what _liebesträume_ means, Bella?"

I shook my head.

"It's German for 'dreams of love.' Liszt based the music on a poem called '_O lieb, so lang du lieben kannst_.'" His German was perfect.

"What does that mean?"

"_Oh love, as long as you are able to love_. The poem urges you to love as long as you can, and to make the most of that love, for soon enough death will take your loved one away."

"A strange sentiment for a love poem," I mused.

"Yes," he agreed, his voice suddenly darker. "But it is true."

I tensed when he came to the final notes, wondering if he would skip the second song on the disk, as I always did. There was the briefest of pauses before he began playing Debussy's _Rêverie_, then he spoke. "Why did you always skip _Clair de Lune_?"

I was silent for a long moment, knowing that I wouldn't lie to him, but hating to tell him all the same. "It reminded me of you, and it made me sad."

He trembled a little next to me, but kept playing. "Why did it remind you of me?"

"You told me once, in class, that it was one of your favorite pieces of music. And that you thought it sounded lonely."

"Yes," he murmured, "I remember that."

He continued to play, each note perfect but also completely imbued with emotion. The rest of the Cullens all sat silently, enjoying the music as much as I, as he played Satie, Ravel, Chopin, and Schumann, whispering the names of the songs and the composers to me. My eyes began to droop a little as the long day and familiar music made me sleepy, I carefully rested my temple against his shoulder, not wanting to disrupt his playing. He turned and kissed the top of my head, not missing a note. As he began the last song, Beethoven's Piano Sonato #14, the famous Moonlight Sonata, he whispered in my ear.

"I'll play for you every night, Bella, in our home. You won't have to listen to your cd any more, I'll play these songs for you each and every night to help you fall asleep. And then I'll carry you to our bed, and I'll hold you as you dream all night…" his words trailed off even as I tried to hold onto consciousness, but the exhaustion from the long day and night before finally claimed me, and my last memory was of his cool hard body pressed against mine as he carried me in his arms, up the stairs and into his bed.

The next morning we left immediately after another enormous breakfast that Esme prepared for me, Edward insisting that I have plenty of time to get ready for my classes the next day. Carlisle had already left for a shift at the hospital, but Esme and Alice hugged me tight as Jasper watched from a slight distance, his face relaxed.

"Emmett and Rosalie will be here on Friday, dear, will you be able to come back?"

"I don't have any classes on Friday," I replied to Esme's query, turning to Edward. He squeezed my waist reassuringly.

"We'll come back either Thursday afternoon or Friday morning."

"I'll come see you in Port Angeles this week!" Alice piped, earning a scowl from Edward. "What? You'll get to have her all the time now. I let you have her all weekend, but I want to spend time with her too!"

"I'd love that, Alice," I assured her, while wondering exactly what she and I would do together for the bonding time the tiny vampire so obviously wanted. "Goodbye, Jasper."

Jasper approached me then, hesitated a moment, and then held out his hand. "I'll see you in a few days, Bella." I took his hand and he squeezed it gently, a genuine smile breaking slowly across his face.

Esme gave me one more kiss on the cheek, then Edward and I headed out to the garage. "Did you need anything else from your truck, Bella?"

"Just my cell phone, but you already got that."

"Your clothes and everything else are in a bag in the backseat." After I settled into the passenger seat I turned around to grab the bag, placed it between my feet, and began rummaging through it. My wallet, journal and work clothes were there, along with the clothes I'd worn yesterday. I was currently dressed in another outfit Alice had put together for me: tailored khakis and a soft white turtleneck, dress socks and new leather boots. I'd tried to protest her extravagance, only to have her roll her eyes and inform me that it was _nothing_ compared to what she had planned.

I found my cell phone as Edward started the car and pulled out of the garage, having thrown a small suitcase of his own belongings into the trunk. Luckily I'd turned the phone off before going into the Cullens' party on Friday, I pushed the power button and it turned on immediately, the small LED blinking to indicate that I had a voicemail. I crossed my fingers and hoped that it wasn't Lori telling me officially that I'd been fired, but a deep male voice spoke in my ear.

"_Hi Bella, it's Jake. Hey listen, I'm sorry I haven't called you in a while, I was under the weather with mono for a few weeks. I just wanted to call and check in with you, make sure everything is going okay. Give me a call when you have a minute. I'd love to see you, and so would Billy. Love ya Bells, bye_."

"That's an interesting coincidence," I murmured, noting that he had called Friday night before deleting the voicemail.

"Oh?" Edward inquired casually, and it crossed my mind that he'd probably been able to hear the message with his superior hearing, but was allowing me to tell him anyway.

"That was Jacob. I'm just surprised that he picked Friday of all days to call me, I hadn't told them that I was going to be back in town. I haven't heard from Jake or Billy in ages…we're all terrible about keeping in touch. It didn't sound like anything urgent, though, I'll call him back later."

"Are you still close with them?" Edward's voice sounded tense, and I looked over at him, mildly surprised.

"Not like I used to be, but yes, of course. They became my second family, you know that."

"Yes, I know. Are you planning on seeing them again?" Now the tension in his voice was reflected on his face as well, and although I was taken aback by his words, the sight of him upset made me anxious. I reached over to him and he took my hand, clutching it tightly almost to the point of pain. I wiggled my fingers and he relaxed his grip immediately.

"I don't know, Edward, I would guess I'll see them again at some point. What's wrong?"

He exhaled slowly. "Bella, although I'm an innately selfish creature, and am very protective of you, I would never tell you that you can't see your friends…your family. They were there for you during a very difficult time when I wasn't, and for that alone I am truly grateful to them. My concern lies in not knowing what their reaction will be when they discover our relationship."

I was baffled, I remembered his stories from the day before about their treaty with the Quileutes, but I didn't understand how it had anything to do with me. I looked at him, letting him see the confusion in my eyes, and his expression immediately softened as he quickly brought my hand to his lips and kissed it.

"I'm sorry, love. Our relationship with the Quileutes is a bit more complicated than I explained previously. They have a deep-seated and longtime dislike and distrust of all vampires, or "cold ones" as they call us. Many of them actually stopped coming to the hospital when we returned and Carlisle went to work there, even at the expense of their health and lives. Our treaty with them assures that we will not take a human life or trespass on their land, but it doesn't mitigate their hatred of our kind."

"How do you feel about them?"

He was silent for a moment. "For the most part, we feel indifferent towards them. It's easy enough for us to abide by the terms of the treaty and avoid their land. It is our instinctual reaction, however, to react negatively towards any creature that knows of our existence and despises us as much as they do. I cannot lie to you Bella, although I am grateful to them for taking care of you, I dislike them and I don't trust them."

I was stunned and somewhat hurt. To think of anyone disliking kindly old Billy, or Jake with his quick smile and ready wit, or _any_ of the Quileutes for that matter…I truly didn't understand.

We rode in silence for a few minutes before I spoke. "I…understand your feelings, logically. I really do. But what does it have to do with me?"

"Bella," his voice was soft but sad, and I imagined he must be sensing the unhappiness and confusion that swirled inside of me, "Imagine the reaction of the Quileute elders when they find out that a beloved adopted daughter has been seduced, hypnotized even, by their mortal enemy. That is how they would view it, I don't doubt that they would extend their definition of 'taking a human life' to include such circumstances. I also don't doubt that they would move heaven and earth to rescue you from such a dire situation."

My heart clenched as the meaning of his words finally became clear in my mind. The Quileutes did indeed consider me an adopted daughter, and based on everything Edward had told me, their hostility towards the Cullens would demand that they try and save me from something they considered evil and dangerous. What would "rescuing" me entail? Would the Cullens break their long-standing treaty to defend themselves, leaving my adopted family broken and destroyed? Or would they withdraw and disappear from the area, leaving behind the lives they'd so carefully built, including me? What power did the Quileutes possess that the Cullens, otherwise utterly impervious to human actions, would respect enough to form a treaty with them? Would I be responsible for causing war between the only two families I had now?

Yes, the answer was yes. If I chose to try and keep both of my families close, I might end up destroying both of them.

A little cry escaped from between my lips as the grief became overwhelming, I bowed my head as my chest split open and pain knifed through me. Edward's hand tightened around mine. "Bella, love, please…please look at me."

I shook my head, my eyes pinched tightly shut. "No," I whispered, tears squeezing under my eyelids. "I don't want you to have to see this."

I could feel the car slowing and then the gravel on the shoulder popping under the tires before Edward put the car in park and reached over to me.

"I'm sorry, Bella." The remorse in his voice was real. "I wanted to keep this from you, but I can't lie to you, not about this."

"I don't have a choice, do I?"

"Of course you have a choice."

"But…I don't know what my choice should be."

Edward's hands stroked gently over my head and shoulders, but I could feel the shudder that went through him. "What do you _want_, Bella?"

"I want _you_!" Even in my confusion and misery, this point was not negotiable.

"You have me, eternally. I will not leave your side until you tell me to go."

"But I can't have the Quileutes too, can I?"

"I'm not telling you that you _can't_, love, but I'm very afraid of what will happen to all of us if you tried to keep everyone as close to you as you want." His honest admission was quiet, but I recognized the truth in it. My heart broke as I realized that I would have to say goodbye to all of the people I'd come to know and love so dearly, to keep them safe and happy.

"What will we do?" I asked dully.

Edward sighed. "We can go back to Forks together, as long as we stay mainly at my family's home. I don't think it would be a good idea for us to be seen together in town, as word would most certainly get around. And you definitely can't see the Blacks in person."

"But if I went by myself, how would they _know_?" I cried. The idea of leaving them behind forever without even a goodbye hurt, deeply.

"Bella, please believe me…they would know."

I decided not to question him further on this point. "What if they come looking for me in Port Angeles?"

"We can move away, together. The only place that I need to be is where you are, everything else is inconsequential. Unless you feel strongly about staying in the area?"

"No, not at all. I guess moving would be the best option. Do we have to leave right away?"

He kissed the top of my head. "As long as you think they won't show up unexpectedly at your door, and as long as we are careful when we go back to Forks, we can certainly wait another month and a half, until the end of the semester."

"They won't. Billy never even left the reservation after Charlie died, he was the only person he visited in town. And I can't imagine Jake showing up without calling first. Although…I should call him so that he doesn't worry and decide to come check on me because he can't get in touch."

"Whatever you think is best."

"And then I guess I'll call them after Christmas…tell them I decided to move elsewhere, that I'll be in touch, and then just…not be."

"I'm sorry, Bella."

"Don't be, please." My whisper was hoarse but resolute. "I don't want this to hurt you too."

"_Anything_ that hurts you, hurts me. I hate that I am the cause of so much pain for you."

"You're not the cause. You aren't the one that would start a war over something that is _my choice_."

"No, but regardless, your pain is my pain."

I sucked in a deep breath. "Let's go, Edward. I want to get back…I can think about this more clearly after I have a chance to get used to it."

I could see that he didn't agree, but he started the car and pulled back onto the road, keeping my hand clasped firmly in his. I sat and watched the thick forest flash by the window, feeling as though I were mourning the death of my family all over again.

"Bella, please tell me what it was like…when you lived with them." His voice was calm but kind, and I knew he was honest in his curiosity. I sighed softly, thinking about what I could tell him that wouldn't hurt him any more.

"Really…it was just very blurry. I had to fight Renee tooth and nail to allow me to go live there…she wanted me to come back and live with her but I was eighteen…and once I moved in, time just seemed to speed up. Jake gave me his room, their house could fit into your living room, easily, so he took the couch but left his clothes in the closet. I always felt so bad about that, like I'd thrown him out of his own room, but he told me that guys don't care about that kind of thing, as long as they have a place to sleep and food to eat. I made dinner for them every night…they'd always ate packaged crap unless they went over to someone's house, so they were happy to give me the keys to the kitchen. Jake and I used to fight over the bathroom until Billy finally had enough and made a shower schedule for us." A ghost of a smile tingled over my face. "I got first dibs on the bathroom in the morning since I had to drive so far to school, so I've become a pro at showering and dressing in ten minutes flat. If I took any longer, Jake would bang on the door and holler at me until I came out.

"The rest of the Quileutes," here I stopped to steady my voice again, "Were very kind. They just accepted me wholeheartedly, with open arms. For the first time I felt like I was part of an actual _family_, instead of being something that had to be shuttled back and forth between my parents. There was so much warmth, so much love between them. Everything was just implicitly understood…even when they were squabbling, it was like family, there were no hard feelings. They accepted me as I was, they loved me when I felt like no one else did."

I felt him wince and immediately regretted my words. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean…"

"No, Bella," he quickly interjected. "You had no way of knowing about me. It just hurts to hear that you have ever been made to feel that way." He exhaled slowly. "What about your mother? Why didn't you go back to live with her?"

"My relationship with my mother is strange, to say the least. When I lived with her, it was always as though our roles were reversed, as though she were the child and I the responsible adult. I love her, and I miss her, but," I bit my lip, feeling guilty for some reason. "Is it horrible of me to say that I don't miss being _with_ her? I feel like I acted as her parent for so long, it's almost like when your kid goes off to college. You miss them, but at the same time it's nice to be without the constant responsibility and problems. Plus, I didn't have any connection to her life in Jacksonville. I didn't _want_ to uproot everything and start all over again. And I don't think that she truly wanted me to…I know that she meant it when she tried me to move back with her, she's my mother, after all. But she's enjoying her life with Phil so much now, I would have put a kink in it."

Edward growled softly.

"She loves me," I said quietly. "We just work better apart."

We fell silent again until we entered the Port Angeles city limits and Edward slowed the car, finally speaking. "You really don't have anyone else in the world, do you?"

I turned to look at him and brought the hand he still had clasped around mine up to my face, running my lips gently across the marble of his knuckles. "I have you."

Something in his face, frozen since I'd listened to the voicemail from Jake, thawed in that moment, instantaneously transforming him from a stone-faced statue to the familiar expression of the man I knew and loved. We came to a smooth stop at a red light and he was suddenly leaning over to me, his breath cool and sweet against my face as he kissed me fiercely.

"You will _always_ have me, Bella."

* * *

A/N: Ferdinand Freiligrath's poem "_O lieb, so lang du lieben kannst_" that Edward references includes in part:

"Oh love, as long as you are able to love  
Oh love, as long as you have the desire to love.  
The moment will come, the moment will come  
where you'll be standing at the grave with regret."

Makes you wonder what's on his mind, hmm?


	5. Chapter 5

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and its characters. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Chapter Five**

Edward followed me into my apartment, carrying both his luggage and the bag containing my belongings, then went directly to deposit them in my tiny bedroom. I was grinning widely when he returned.

"What?"

"Well, I was going to give you the tour, but you've obviously been here before."

A look of embarrassment flashed across his face. "I'm sorry, I should have waited to be invited."

I couldn't help it, I laughed. "No, really, it's actually cute in a weird kind of way. I keep forgetting that you know more about me than I think you do."

"That doesn't excuse my bad manners." He came towards me and took my hands in his. "Will you please give me a tour of your home?"

I rolled my eyes. "It won't take very long, compared to your house. This is the living room, the kitchen is right here, the bathroom is over there, and I think you already found the bedroom."

"I'd like a guided tour of the bedroom." He shot me a hopeful glance.

"Well, in that case…" I walked quickly past him, biting my lip to hide my smile. "This oversized suite is the bedroom, complete with a bed for two, and a gorgeous view of the alley from your private balcony." He followed close on my heels and I stepped over to the sliding glass doors on the far wall. "Would you like a tour of the balcony as well?"

"I'm quite familiar with the balcony, thank you," he murmured. "I would prefer a more thorough exploration of the bed." His arm snaked out and wrapped around my waist, pulling me tightly to him, his face suddenly an inch away from mine. My body immediately molded to his, but I couldn't help but tease him a little longer.

"Are you sure? The view really is quite dramatic from the bal…"

His lips closed over mine, swallowing my last word, making my head swim as he kissed me thoroughly, breaking away only to begin moving down my jawline. "_Fuck_ the balcony, Bella," he growled quietly. "I would much rather enjoy the view from your bed."

"Wh-where did you learn language like _that_, Mr. Cullen?" I gasped out, so ridiculously turned on by his unexpected choice of words that I stuttered.

"Through endless nights of unrelieved frustration, Miss Swan." His cold tongue flicked against my ear. "I've had more than enough time to think about exactly what I'm going to do to you now."

At those words, my last pretenses of resistance melted and I moaned as his lips continued down my neck, his hands already roaming over the curves of my body. I felt the now-familiar throbbing between my legs begin to turn my bones to jelly, arousal licking rapidly through my body as Edward pressed a lingering kiss to the pulse point on my neck. I ran my hands deliberately down over his hips, my thumbs dragging slowly over the hardened length under his jeans, then gasped as he pushed reflexively against my hands.

"The view from the bed is nice too," I whispered hoarsely.

His moan vibrated through my body. "Or the view _in_ the bed, rather." He began backing up, gently pulling me along with him. "I've enjoyed many fine views of that bed." Now it was my turn to moan as his hard fingers ran slowly down the seam of my pants, moving inexorably towards the hot throbbing point between my thighs. Just as he reached it, his hand suddenly froze and almost simultaneously there was a brisk but determined knock at the front door. I whimpered.

"It's your boss," Edward whispered after a moment.

"Lori?" My voice cracked a little, the thought of her and the potential reasons for her visit was like a bucket of cold water on the pleasurable haze over me.

"Yes, she…" he paused for a moment and I realized he must be reading her mind. "You should probably go talk to her."

I swore under my breath and Edward chuckled just as Lori knocked again. Looking down to make sure Edward hadn't unbuttoned any of my clothing, I quickly left the bedroom, shutting the door behind me, and went to let Lori in.

"Um, hi Lori."

"Hi Bella, I'm sorry for showing up unannounced like this."

"No, it's fine. Come in and sit down." We sat on my second-hand couch, Lori shook her head when I offered her a drink, looking more uncomfortable by the second.

"Look, Bella, I'm just going to go ahead and say this. I'm really sorry I sent you home Friday night without letting you explain what was going on. Not that it's an excuse, but I was really stressed about that party and when I saw what looked like you shoving Edward Cullen, I overreacted. Esme Cullen told me later that night that you and Edward are old friends and I felt like a complete idiot."

"Yes, we um, went to high school together." How much could I tell her? Or should I lie? Was no one supposed to know about our relationship or was that just the Quileutes? I was horrible at making up stories on the fly, I always managed to say the wrong thing and contradict myself right afterwards.

"You're just friends?" The corner of Lori's mouth turned up.

I knew I was probably beet-red at this point. "Yeah, I always had a huge crush on him, though."

She laughed. "I can see why, he's a very good-looking young man. Do you think you'll see him again?"

"Umm…" This conversation was just too much, I could actually _feel_ the heat coming off my face and Lori finally took pity on me.

"Never mind, I'm teasing you. I just wanted to come over and apologize to you in person, I tried calling you all day yesterday but your phone was off, and I got worried."

"Thanks, but really Lori, no apology is needed."

"Well, it makes _me_ feel better to have apologized, especially with what I'm going to ask you next. I've got a party Friday night and another Saturday night that I could really use your help with. Can you work?"

Work…something that hadn't crossed my mind since I'd assumed I was fired Friday night. I was looking forward to spending the weekends with the Cullens, and I had definitely been planning to spend all my nights with Edward. Plus, if Edward and I would have to leave the area at the year's end, it wouldn't be fair to leave Lori in the lurch.

"Actually, I was going to tell you…I won't be able to work any more. I'm going to be leaving town at the end of the year and I'm totally swamped with planning that and keeping up with school too."

Lori blinked in surprise. "Oh. Where are you going?"

"Um, Alaska." It was the first thing that popped into my head, Edward and I hadn't discussed _where_ we would go, but I remembered him saying the Cullens had friends there. The story I told Lori didn't really matter anyway.

"_Alaska_? What in the world for?"

"I have family there, my…dad's sister and her husband are in Juneau and they invited me to stay with them for a little while, until I get my own place." Where had this sudden amazing ability to lie come from?

Lori's face lit up. "Oh, are you transferring to University of Alaska Southeast, then?"

"Yes?" My nerves finally took over and it came out a question, but she didn't notice.

"That's really great, Bella, I looked at going to school there years ago, they have some awesome programs. And I guess I understand that you'd like to be closer to your family…but isn't your mom in Florida?"

"My mom and I don't get along," I muttered, feeling horrible about this lie.

"Oh, well that's too bad. But I'm glad you'll be near family, you always seemed so lonely here."

"Yes, I was."

"Are you sure you can't work just a couple more nights?"

"I wish I could, Lori, but I really have to get started wrapping things up here. I don't anticipate coming back to the area, so I've got a lot of loose ends to take care of."

She nodded reluctantly. "Okay…I'm really sorry to hear you're leaving, Bella. You're the best employee I've got, and I really care about you as a person too. Let me know if there's anything I can do for you, if you need references for a job or anything."

"I will."

She stood up from the couch and pulled me into an sudden hug. "I'll miss you, but it sounds like you're doing the right thing. Follow your heart, be happy."

I hugged her back. "Thanks, Lori. For everything."

I walked her to the door and she promised to put my last paycheck into the mail the next day. The moment I shut the front door behind her, Edward emerged from the bedroom, a bemused look on his handsome face. "Alaska?"

"God, could this day get any weirder?" I groaned, going back to the couch and flopping down.

"Sure it could…did you know we actually _do_ own a house in Alaska?"

I gaped at him as he sat down gracefully next to me. "Are you serious?"

"Southeast of Denali National Park. It'll probably be the next place my family moves after they leave Forks, it's one of Esme's favorite homes. So are you saying that you would like us to move to Alaska?"

"God no," I shuddered. "It's cold enough here, I don't think I can handle any place colder."

"What about New England? Or upstate New York?"

I snuggled up next to him and he began to stroke my hair. "I think those are pretty cold too. Why would you want to move so far away from your family?"

"I wouldn't mind having you to myself for a while. Not having to battle with Alice for your time is definitely very appealing. We could get a small house of our own, near a university so you could continue your education, and I wouldn't mind trying out a new major myself. What do you think?"

"As long as the school offers a degree in English literature, I'm game."

"That's something I was wondering about," he mused. "Why didn't you decide to go to a larger school?"

I shrugged a little. "Peninsula College was just convenient, I guess. I wanted to get out on my own, but I didn't want to move too far away from my safety blanket with the Blacks. I figured I could at least get started here, get my required courses out of the way and then transfer the credits later if I decided to move."

"Speaking of school," his lips brushed over the top of my head, "I'd be more than happy to distract you from all the assignments you have waiting, if you like."

"Don't tempt me," I whispered into his shirt. "If I get in bed with you now, I won't get out for the rest of the day. And I do have a big paper due tomorrow, I've got the rough draft done but it still needs a lot of work. I can't fail my freshman English class if I want to major in English Literature."

"We certainly can't have that," he agreed. "Why don't I change my offer to rewarding you once you've finished?"

I smiled and pulled back, looking into his eyes and allowing him to see the images of exactly _how_ I wanted to be rewarded.

He sucked in a breath. "Get started on your paper, you little vixen, or I'll reward you right here and now on the couch."

"On my way," I laughed, getting up and moving over to my tiny desk. I collected my stack of notes and the hard copy of my rough draft, then sat down where I had my laptop set up on the two-person kitchen table. "What are you going to do while I work?"

He was rummaging through the refrigerator. "The first thing I'm going to do is make you lunch, since it's almost noon."

"You can cook?"

"Yes, Esme and I learned by watching The Food Network. She's much better at it than I am, though."

"Edward, can you actually _eat_ human food?"

"Of course, but it smells horrible and tastes worse to us. Since our bodies don't digest it, we have to throw it up afterwards, and that's never a pleasant experience. How do chicken fajitas sound?"

"Um, that sounds great." I watched as he moved around the kitchen with perfect ease, apparently already knowing where everything was. "You don't _have_ to cook for me, I've gotten pretty good at taking care of myself."

"I know, but taking care of you is _my_ job now."

I smiled at his sweet words. "And what are you doing after lunch?"

"I have quite a bit of shopping to do, actually. I need to buy a laptop, since I want to start looking for houses for us right away, and I don't want to monopolize yours. I need to buy a few changes of clothes until I start bringing a week's worth back each weekend. And a few other things, odds and ends. Do you need me to pick anything up for you?"

"No, thank you. So is it New York or New England, then?"

"You truly don't have a preference either way?"

I shook my head. "No, I like everything you've said so far…little house of our own, near a university. Close enough to a town to be convenient, but out in the woods so you don't scare everyone on sunny days."

"Ithaca, then. Cornell is there and it'll suit us both perfectly."

"_Cornell University_?" I dropped the pen I was holding onto the keyboard of my laptop. "Edward, there is no way I can get into Cornell."

"Sure you can." He began chopping vegetables at a speed that made me dizzy to watch. "We'll both get in."

"Ah, no, I don't think so. Edward, I have good grades and all, but I'm _not_ Ivy League material."

He frowned. "Why would you say that?"

I pushed back from the table and rubbed my eyes. "I'd be transferring from a small-town college, my SAT scores were average at best, I have no extracurricular activities or talents to brag of, not to mention I don't have anywhere near what tuition must cost."

"Money is no object for us, Bella."

Now I frowned. "Edward…"

"Wait, I phrased that very badly. Let me ask you this instead: if money was not an issue, would you _like_ to go to Cornell?"

Frustration rippled through me. "Well of course I would _like_ to, but even if money wasn't an issue, that doesn't change the fact that I can't just waltz into one of the most exclusive universities in the country."

"Well, no, you can't just waltz in. We'll both have to apply and go through the admissions process, and I'll need to check to see exactly how much we've donated to the school over the past century."

"Wait…_what_?" I was horrified. "Edward, you can't _buy_ my way into Cornell!"

"Of course I can." He washed his hands and then came over to the table, sitting down in the other chair. "Money isn't an issue for us, Bella. And when I say 'us,' I mean you and I together as well."

My lips trembled. "Money may not be an issue to you, but it is to me."

"Bella," his voice was quiet but firm. "Everything I have is also yours now. You have to understand that."

"I can understand that just fine. What I can't understand is how you think it's okay to bribe a school to accept your girlfriend because she can't get in on her own."

He flinched. "That's not what I meant at all."

I put my elbows on the table and dropped my face into my hands, hating this sickening feeling of being at odds with him. Our first day living together and our first fight. "How else could you have meant it?"

"They probably won't accept me otherwise either." I could feel his cool hand reach out to touch my arm as he lightened his tone. "On paper, my qualifications are fairly dismal: not currently enrolled in any school and zero extracurriculars other than playing the piano and chasing wildlife."

I shook my head, face still in my hands. "There is nothing you can say that would make me be okay with it."

"Bella," there was frustration in his voice now, "We are fortunate enough to have access to unlimited funds. What's wrong with using it to help us start our new life together?"

"Because you're not talking about using it to buy a house or something, you're talking about paying my way into a school I'm not qualified for. How do you think that makes me feel? I've been taking care of myself for _years_ now, Edward, even before I moved out on my own. I'm used to being independent and self-reliant and I _like_ that. I may not have accomplished much in the past five months, but at least I've done everything under my own steam. I can be proud of that. To have you casually say that you'll just bribe my way into school, that was," I hesitated, hating to say the word but knowing he'd hear it eventually anyway, "Insulting."

The hand gently moving on my arm froze and I finally moved my fingers away from my eyes to look at him. His marble face looked stunned, completely immobile. His eyes flicked immediately to mine and I knew that he felt every emotion roiling through me: hurt; embarrassment; bruised pride; frustration; in addition to my anxiety about bickering with him and my yearning for peace between us again. Pain flashed over his face and I immediately dropped my fingers from my face and reached out to clasp his hands. Pain was one thing I couldn't stand to see in his eyes.

"I made you feel that way." His lips barely moved. "I would kill anyone who hurt you but I may as well have slapped you in the face with such an insult."

"Edward, stop," I begged. "You're going to hurt me from time to time, just as I know I'll hurt you. We don't want to, but it'll happen. Haven't you ever seen Alice and Jasper fight? Or Carlisle and Esme? Something said the wrong way, at the wrong time, we'll probably fight every once in a while too."

His jaw clenched, he hadn't heard a word I'd said. "_I _made you feel that way."

"_Listen_ to me!" I tried to pull my hands away so I could take his face in them, but he'd wrapped his fingers around mine. I tugged and his grip tightened painfully in response. "Edward, will you please listen…ow!" I let out a yelp as his icy hands squeezed too tightly and my knuckles cracked in response.

Faster than I could follow him, he dropped my hands and flew backwards from the table, his back against the far wall. Horror contorted his features. "Bella…"

"I'm fine." I lifted my hands and wiggled my fingers, aching gratefully for the release. "See? You just squeezed a little too hard. Will you listen to me now, please?"

"I could have crushed your hand," he breathed. "Bella, I could have…"

Real frustration flared inside of me then. "Will you _shut up_ and _listen_ to me?"

His eyes snapped back to mine, shocked, and I stood up from the table before walking slowly over to him. "Do you remember what you told me in the meadow, about what you were like before Charlie's funeral? With the self-loathing and second-guessing? I'm betting this is exactly what you were doing then, am I right?"

He blinked and I knew I had finally gotten his attention. I longed to move closer to him, but I stayed arms-length away so he could see my eyes and recognize the truth in my words. "First off, I'm okay. You just squeezed a little too hard. But I'm fine. Second, if you want to be able to read my mind and feel my emotions, you're going to have to accept that I won't always be happy. Sometimes I'll be sad, angry, sick, and frustrated. Sometimes you may hurt my feelings, and I'm sure I'll hurt yours from time to time. But you can't freak out like that, you can't shut down on me and start blaming yourself. If something _is_ your fault then we'll sit down and work through it. I won't ever lie to you, obviously I _can't_ lie to you. In return I need you to respect me enough to work through whatever issues we might have, not shut me out. Okay?"

He nodded, his eyes widening.

"Edward…everything about our relationship is unconventional, to say the least. I've fallen so much in love with you over a couple of days that it's almost scary, but I don't doubt how I feel. I want to be with you for the rest of my life, I want to laugh and cry and enjoy every single moment we have together. I want to love you for who you are, and I want you to love me for who I am, even while I hope your love inspires me to be a better person every single day. But that relationship requires respect. I respect you for who you are as a person, your wants and needs, your opinions and your choices. I may not always agree, but I will respect you. And I need you to respect me too, okay?"

He nodded again, his lips parting slightly, and this time I did move to him, wrapping my arms tightly around his waist and pressing my face against his unyielding stone neck. "I love you, Edward Cullen."

His arms went around me and he lifted me just far enough off the ground to carry me back into the living room, sitting on the couch and curling my body around him. "Just let me…" his voice was a soft whisper and I relaxed then, knowing that he was coming back to me at his own pace. I gently ran my fingers through his hair, my nails scratching a little over his scalp as the tension in his body slowly dissipated. I rested my head against his shoulder and breathed him in, knowing he could feel the anxiety leaving me as well. Finally he moved again, lifting my free hand and carefully kissing it.

"I was wrong," he whispered, and I waited. "You're right…it _was_ insulting for me to say I'd buy your way into Cornell. And I'm glad you called me on it, and that you were honest with me. Don't ever stop being honest with me, please?"

"I won't."

"Can I offer a compromise?"

I smiled. "Of course."

"Will you apply to Cornell?"

"Yes."

"And if you're accepted based on your own merit, will you use _our_ money to pay for tuition?"

I snickered a little against his neck. "Of course. I'd be an idiot to turn down the Cullen scholarship fund for an Ivy League education. But I have a condition of my own. Well, two really."

"Name them." He kissed my hand again, gently pressing his cool lips to each knuckle.

"First, if I don't get into Cornell, you have to accept it gracefully when I decide to go to Ithaca Community College or whatever. Okay?"

"Okay," he mumbled, his lips pressed to my palm now.

"Second, if what's yours is mine, then the reverse is also true. If we're going to share expenses and funds, then I want you to take all the money I have right now and add it to these unlimited funds you kept mentioning."

His lips went still against my hand and after a moment I sat up to look at him. There was no resistance in his expression, just a great deal of surprise. "If that's what you want, Bella, but that's your…"

"No," I stopped him. "I know you're going to say that's _my money_, but how is it any different from _your money_? I'm sure mine will be an insignificant fraction of the overall amount, but it means all of it will be _our money_. And that will make it much easier for me to spend it if I have to, okay?"

He nodded. "Whatever you want."

"All I want is you, silly." I snuggled back close to his body, against his shoulder again, when my stomach suddenly let out an embarrassingly loud growl. "And maybe lunch too."

He finally laughed and boosted me off his lap. "Chicken fajitas will be finished in just a moment, madam."

I stayed on the couch and watched him as he prepared lunch for me, moving so fast around the kitchen I almost couldn't keep up. When he set the finished plate at the empty spot on the table, I went in and sat down, sniffing the fajitas appreciatively. "I'm getting spoiled, between you and Esme."

"Don't say that until you've tasted them," he warned. "I told you, Esme's much better at this than I am."

The fajitas were absolutely perfect, of course. "Mmm…for a vampire that doesn't eat food, you are an incredible cook."

"Thank you, love." He bent and kissed the top of my head. "Are you sure you don't need anything while I'm out?"

I shook my head, already devouring my second fajita. "No, thank you. I love you."

"I love you too." Then, he was gone. I slowly finished the fajitas, relishing every bite, then rose to put the plate in the dishwasher. I realized at that moment I was alone with my thoughts for the first time in many hours and I sank back down in front of my laptop, not really seeing the pile of scrawled notes in front of me.

Edward…I allowed my thoughts to run everywhere at once, ranging from his overreaction earlier to his sweet thoughtfulness about lunch and then to the memories of his cold hard skin against me, of every inch of his body tangled against mine. I felt a flush steal over my skin as I thought about him inside of me. We hadn't made love since yesterday afternoon, in the meadow, and already I missed it keenly. I wondered briefly how many times a human body could have sex in a single day, since he was apparently inexhaustible and my spirit was willing even if my body might not be capable of keeping up.

What must it be like for him, to be in love with and to make love to a human? As he'd mentioned, both Emmett and Esme had been dying when their partners found them, Alice and Jasper were both already vampires when they found each other. Even despite the way we meshed together, physically and spiritually, there were so many things he had to take into consideration while I simply enjoyed myself. Him squeezing my hand too tightly earlier was a perfect example, there was no way he could ever let himself go completely.

I thought about us earlier in the bedroom, the electric thrill that had run through me when he'd growled "_Fuck the balcony_" into my neck. I let my thoughts linger deliciously on that for a moment, then remembered his other words: "_I've enjoyed many fine views of that bed_." Had he really enjoyed watching me sleep so much, even from the other side of the sliding glass doors? Protectiveness I could understand, but what else could he have…

I gasped and my head snapped up.

There was plenty he could have seen…and heard…from the balcony. I hadn't had a boyfriend or any overnight visitors in the short time I'd been in Port Angeles, but I'd certainly pleasured myself in the safety of my own bed on more than one occasion. As if that weren't enough, it was always Edward I imagined in those moments and even if I hadn't moaned his name aloud more than once, I was sure my mind had been shouting it loudly enough for him to catch it, even then.

I groaned aloud now, not from pleasure but from utter mortification this time, my face hot at I thought back over how much he must have seen and heard, and how many times. For the first time, I sincerely wished there was some way to selectively shield certain thoughts from him…I'd die if he found out I knew. But of course he would.

_At least it was always his name you were moaning_, a wicked little voice inside of me pointed out. I smiled a little, recognizing the truth in that, then laughed as I imagined Edward fuming on the balcony after overhearing me moaning…Jacob's name, for example.

Ugh…I quickly pushed that thought away. Jacob had been my best friend, although more like a brother, and I could never think of him that way. There'd been some embarrassed fumbling moments once, after a beach party where one of the guys had brought a stolen jug of reservation moonshine, probably because we drunkenly figured that we were perfect as friends, and might be more perfect as lovers. The chemistry had been so horribly wrong that we'd recognized it after a few minutes, even through our moonshine-induced fog, and the next morning we'd sworn over the resulting hangovers that it could never be more for us. Jacob fit so perfectly into my life as my brother, I couldn't imagine him being anything else, and I knew he felt the same way about me.

That reminded me that I needed to call him, but I decided to wait until tomorrow. It had taken him almost two weeks to call me back once, I knew he wouldn't worry.

My thoughts swung back to Edward. Should I ask him exactly what he'd seen from the balcony and make him admit it? I already knew there would be very little I would be able to keep private from him, maybe I should just let him see it in my mind and let things progress as they might.

Suddenly, a thought occurred to me, and all at once I knew exactly what I would do. I would just have to be careful about letting him look into my eyes until then, and I could probably get some good practice in _not_ thinking about certain subjects.

That decided, I turned to my English paper with a smile on my face. Soon enough I was immersed in my notes and revisions, and was completely absorbed in it when my cell phone rang at four o'clock. I ran to pull it off the charger, noting that the screen simply read "Edward." I'd never put his number into my cell phone, he must have done it at some point without my noticing. The thought warmed me as I answered.

"Hello, love." His voice made me miss him, immediately. "Making great progress on your homework?"

"Yes, actually I'm about to start the final draft."

"I'm glad. I just wanted to let you know that I'm going to hunt before I come home. I have a feeling I'm going to need it to properly _reward_ you tonight, and I don't think I'll want to go back out."

I grinned, glad he couldn't see me. "Okay, when do you think you'll be here?"

"Probably not until six or so. The bad thing about city life is that I can't just hop out the window and be in the forest. Do you want me to call you when I'm on the way?"

"You don't have to…no, wait. Yes, please send me a text when you're five minutes away. And…the front door will be locked. You should probably come in through the balcony."

There was a brief silence on the other end before he replied, his voice lower and thick with anticipation. "If you say so, love."

"All right. I love you."

"I love you too."

After ending the call, I hurried back into the kitchen and carefully made all the revisions to my saved file, then carried my laptop back over the desk and plugged the printer in. As the finished pages began humming out of the printer I checked the time. It was 5:15 and darkening rapidly outside, it would be completely black out by 6:00. Perfect.

I slipped my finished paper into a manila folder for safekeeping and then tucked it into my messenger bag so I wouldn't forget it in the morning. I dumped a can of soup into a bowl and heated it up in the microwave, keeping one eye on the clock as I ate. At 5:35 I grabbed my cell phone and went into the bedroom, pulling my clothes off as I went. I double-checked that the sliding glass doors of the balcony were locked before picking up my thick white terrycloth robe and heading into the adjoining bathroom, leaving the door open.

My phone chimed with an incoming text just as I was rinsing the suds from my hair and I giggled. The impatient vampire would just have to wait a few minutes. I took my time in the shower, enjoying the heat and steam, reluctantly turning off the water and toweling myself off slowly and carefully. I finally pulled my robe around me, belting it tightly and letting my damp hair hang down my back. As I went back into the bedroom I focused my mind on innocent things: my classes, what outfit I should wear tomorrow. I'd left the light on and a quick look confirmed it was impossible for me to see anything beyond the closed sliding glass doors, past my reflection and the thick black behind it.

Pleased, I went about my normal evening routine. After eating and showering I usually retired to my room for the rest of the night, either watching tv or reading in bed. Tonight I fussed around, picking up some laundry I'd tossed carelessly on the floor a few days ago, straightening out the jumble of jewelry on my dresser top. Once I thought I saw a flash of white out on the balcony and, like any cautious individual, went over to check again that the door was locked. I gave the handle several sharp tugs to make sure.

Finally I ran out of things to do, turned on my small bedside lamp and flipped off the overhead lights. I curled up under the covers, still wearing my my robe, and reached for the latest romance novel I'd left on the bedside table. I let my free hand play idly with the drying strands of hair that hung over my shoulder as I opened the paperback. It was one of those wonderfully trashy romances with just enough plot to string together the many detailed sex scenes, and I'd left off before just as the hero returned to his lover after a long absence. How appropriate.

I twisted my hair tightly around my fingers as I read, biting my lip a little as the scene in the book grew steamier. When I got to the part where the hero had stripped his lover naked and was leisurely nibbling his way over her creamy white body, I squirmed slightly, pressing my dampening upper thighs together and shifting my upper body so that my breasts thrust out a little. I thought I saw a flash of white again out on the balcony, but this time I ignored it.

By the time the hero had pushed his hot swollen member into the lady love's tight wet passage, I was almost panting. I let my fingers run under the edge of my robe, down to the knotted belt and back up again, the back of my nails sliding over my flushed skin. The pulse beating between my legs was more insistent now and I knew I was thoroughly wet there already. I read on, and as I reached the final scene where the lovers exploded into a simultaneous explosive climax, I allowed myself to think about Edward for the first time.

Enough. I pushed my bookmark back into place and very deliberately set the paperback down on the bedside table. I slid under the covers and flipped off the lamp, knowing it didn't matter. He could see in the dark.

Edward…I moaned quietly as I imagined his hands were the ones running over my skin, thinking about what it would feel like to have him nibbling down my neck and over my collarbone. I thought about the sight of him completely naked over me, imagined the path that his lips and tongue would take as they moved over my skin. I pulled the sides of the robe apart, leaving the belt in place, letting my fingers trail over my hardened nipples, thinking about his mouth there. I rubbed my thighs together again as I pictured him kissing his way down from my breasts and over my stomach, imagined his cold hands pushing my knees apart as his lips hovered over each my hipbones before pressing lower still, his tongue tracing a line down to my inner thighs and then up to where I was so eagerly waiting for him.

I moaned again, louder now, as I pushed my fingers insistently over my hot wet softness. Edward hadn't yet put his mouth on me there, but now I imagined it in as much delicious detail as I could, envisioning his tongue pushing into me as my fingers were doing now, occasionally moving back up to flick over and gently suck where I throbbed the hardest.

My orgasm was coming at me already, I could feel it building from deep inside. I fought back the pleasurable haze that threatened to shut down my mind, forcing myself to concentrate on him as I started to come around my own fingers, insistently rubbing my thumb higher up. I thought of his face, of his smile, of his lips and tongue, and then I was done.

I cried out as it hit me, hard and sharp, stabs of pleasure that reached so far up inside that they literally choked me. I jerked involuntarily, the movement forcing my fingers to slide out, and that sensation triggered another climax, clenching and deep. This time, I kept enough breath to moan his name aloud.

Even through the waves of pleasure, I could hear a sharp metallic snap and the muted whoosh of the sliding glass door to the balcony opening, then slamming shut. In the next second Edward was over me as I panted, his eyes blacker than I'd ever seen them, his face tense with raw lust. He yanked the covers back and reached down to grab my wrist, pulling my hand up and enveloping my wet fingers in his mouth. His tongue stroked each of them, sucking them clean and then slowly pulled them out, allowing my fingertips to linger on his lips.

"That…is…mine," he enunciated clearly. I moaned as he gave my fingertips one last swipe with his cool tongue. "Mine, Bella."

"Yes," I gasped out.

His black eyes trailed down over me. "So you wanted to see what I would have done to you if I could, hmm?" He released my wrist and my hand fell weakly to my side as I began to tremble with anticipation. "You wanted to know exactly what I was thinking out there so many times, hearing you come and moan my name?"

This time I didn't even have the ability to answer him.

His eyes scorched down my body and in a split second he had untied my knotted belt and pulled the robe away from me. "If you ever wear this thing to bed again, I swear I'll take the belt off and tie you to the headboard with it."

All my senses shivered at his words, and of course he noticed, a wicked smile appearing on his full lips. "Of course, you might enjoy that, you never know. Hmm…" He dipped his head and his lips and tongue began moving over my neck, just as I'd imagined. My entire body moved reflexively then, curling up towards him, but he pressed me back down, his mouth not pausing for a moment as it moved on to the base of my throat. My arms came up to cradle his head, my fingers running through his hair as his tongue traced a straight line down between my breasts. There, he stopped and looked up at me, his eyes even darker than before.

"You want me to show you what I would have done to you, my love?"

"Yes, please," I begged.

He began trailing kisses down my body, over my stomach, pausing only to dip his tongue into my navel. He slid his entire body down between my knees, forcing my thighs to part and lay open before him, before resuming his kisses over my skin. He didn't hesitate or linger anywhere, continuing straight down until his lips were directly over my heat, then he was kissing me there, oh so gently but with a firmness that made me whimper, all the strength left in my limbs vanishing.

The tip of his tongue came out and he ran it slowly over my lips, giving just the lightest of flicks over the sensitive peak at the top, then probing deeper. I could feel his cool breath against the heat, then the hardness of a single finger as he ran it over and then up inside of me, curling in a way that made my back arch off the bed. His hand over my hip pulled me back down to his mouth.

Oh God, the sensations…I didn't know exactly what I had expected him to do after my extended show for him, but I hadn't dreamed it would be like this. His lips, tongue, and fingers were tireless, teasing climax after climax from my body, pushing past the sensitivity that followed each, making my body tingle and then respond even more strongly every time. I don't know how much time elapsed as I writhed above him, tethered to the world only by his cool hands on my hips and my fingers in his hair.

When complete exhaustion finally numbed me, he skimmed back up my body, his lips nibbling and kissing my jawline. "I could do that to you all night long, you know," he whispered against my ear. "I could just lick you for hours and watch you go mindless with pleasure over and over again."

My body tensed and released into one long convulsive shiver.

"I want you, Bella. Please…"

"_Yes_," I rasped out. I don't know where the strength came from, but my legs lifted to wrap around his waist as he slid into me, my fingers clenched in his hair as he moaned against my throat, his lips unerringly seeking out the pulse point that pounded just under the skin. I didn't have the ability to do anything other than shiver under him, clutching him tight as he thrust hard, filling me completely. I felt him stiffen against me and then a growl tore from his chest as he pushed harder and faster, impossibly wrenching one last slow climax from somewhere deep inside me, where we were joined. I felt him come inside me, the vibrations from his open mouth against my neck humming throughout my body.

I heard him whisper my name, his voice spinning out into a low moan. Then for the first time in my entire life, I completely blacked out.

_______________

A/N: So I went to my very first midnight premiere Thursday night to see New Moon…did you catch my little nod to the hands-down BEST not-in-the-book-but-unbelievably-awesome line from the movie? Thank you, Chris Weitz, for giving Bella a backbone!

You all leave such awesome reviews, they really rock my world and your thoughts about what might be coming next really do help me to write! Thank you!!!


	6. Chapter 6

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and its characters. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Chapter Six**

Early morning sunlight was tickling my closed eyelids, teasing me out of the deepest sleep I could remember having in a long time. I didn't want to wake up, the deep warm dark had been too comfortable, and the dreams…

Cool lips pressed gently against my hair, and then there was the sound of Edward's voice, better than any dream I'd ever had. "Wake up sleepyhead."

I burrowed further into his arms. "No," I mumbled rebelliously, and his answering chuckle vibrated through me. I felt one cool finger begin tracing the line of my spine and I shivered involuntarily, finally pulling far enough away to peek at him through the tangle of my hair. His golden eyes were soft as they looked down at me, and I decided that being awake in bed with Edward was preferable to even my best dreams, hands-down.

"What time is it?"

"Eight-thirty."

I groaned, my first class wasn't until ten, but I would have to get up and moving soon. "I think I'd like to ditch class today and stay in bed with you."

"You have a paper due today, Miss Swan. Although I would love to keep you in bed all day today, you probably need some recovery time. You gave me a scare last night."

I squinted at him, then smiled as I remembered last night. Edward's relentless pursuit of my orgasms, our lovemaking, but then…everything went black.

"If you hadn't started snoring a few seconds after you blacked out, I would have been in a panic."

I scowled. "I don't snore."

"Delicate, soft, ladylike snores. You were utterly adorable."

"I guess I need lessons on keeping up with the vampire," I muttered. Edward's hand ran down my cheek.

"You keep up admirably, love. I just have to remember that your delectable human body can only take so much before it needs a break. And as gratifying as it is to my male ego that you passed out from sheer sexual satiation, I don't think we want to end that way every night."

"Don't start holding back on my account, please. I enjoyed every second of it."

He slid my body along his until his lips could reach mine, then began pressing little kisses over my face, murmuring to me in between each. "I love being with you in your bed. I love that this is one of many mornings we'll share this way. I love seeing you lie in my arms asleep and then turn to me even before you're fully awake." I wound my arms around his neck in response, and we lay that way for a while, unhurriedly kissing, enjoying the quiet intimacy between us. Finally, however, he pulled slightly away.

"As much as I want to tempt you into truancy, we both know you'd regret it later if you start skipping classes on my account."

I pressed one last kiss to his full lips, then groaned and rolled away from him to stand. My legs were surprisingly wobbly and I stood clutching the bedpost for a moment before I trusted them not to collapse. Edward grinned wickedly at me, a vision of temptation between my tangled sheets.

"Again, allow my male ego relish the idea that I can make you so weak in the knees."

"Hah," I said, a little breathless. "As I recall, I started the night off for us."

His eyes darkened immediately. "Indeed you did, and I quite enjoyed every moment of it. Even if it does mean that I'll need to replace the lock on your balcony door."

I shrugged and walked slowly towards the bathroom. "It serves you right for spying on me all those nights, you sexy sneaky peeping vampire." I left him laughing behind me, twisted my hair up into a bun, and took a quick hot shower. When I emerged from the bathroom, Edward was examining the lock on the balcony door, dressed only in his jeans.

"I'm surprised you didn't rip out the doorframe or break the glass," I commented, pulling a dark blue matching bra and panty set from the dresser.

"I thought about it, but then you would have been exposed to the night air, and I had no intention of allowing you to put any warm clothes on." He turned to see me fastening my bra and inhaled sharply. "Bella…you are absolutely exquisite."

I smiled and let an idle thought about lingerie shopping drift through my mind. In a split second, he was by my side. "Yes, please do that." His fingers began stroking downwards over the bra straps, his eyes devouring my body. "Oh, Bella…"

I kissed him softly and then moved away. "I thought you didn't want to tempt me into truancy?" He growled, but stood still, watching as I pulled on jeans, a camisole, and a dark blue cabled sweater.

"I'll have to speak to Alice…have her arrange a lingerie shopping trip for the two of you. It would make watching you get dressed one of the highlights of my day. Surpassed only by taking the lingerie _off_ of you later."

I smiled innocently at him. "That sounds like fun. Alice likes to shop?"

He rolled his eyes. "You have no idea. And that reminds me…I have something for you."

I followed him into the kitchen and he handed me a small brown paper bag. "First, your lunch, since I know you don't come back here until after your last class." Touched by his sweet gesture, I carefully tucked it into my messenger bag. He must have put it together while I was in the shower.

"Next," he pulled out his wallet. "Secondary to our discussion yesterday…" He pressed a black American Express credit card with BELLA SWAN printed on the face into my hand. "I took the liberty of ordering yours last week."

I gawked at the card, then at him. "Are you serious? I thought these things were an urban legend!"

"No, very real and very handy. Remember what I told you yesterday, Bella, all that I have is yours now. That includes OUR money."

"What in the world am I supposed to buy with a black card?" I mused, hesitating briefly before tucking it into my own wallet. Edward shrugged.

"Anything you would buy normally…clothes, books, lingerie…maybe a new car?" I shot him a dark look and he laughed softly. "Just checking. Would you like me to drop you off at the campus, or would you prefer to take my car?"

"Why don't you drop me off, and I can walk home?"

Unhappiness flickered across his face. "I'll be there to pick you up at four."

"Really, Edward, you don't have to. It's only a mile and I walk every day that the weather isn't too bad, as long as I'm not running late."

"I know you do." He helped me to shrug into my coat. "But I wish you wouldn't, with it getting dark so early now."

"But it's just Port Angeles!" I laughed a little, then stopped immediately when I saw his face. "I'm sorry. I just don't want to be an inconvenience until I get my truck back."

"Bella, nothing about you or your safety is an inconvenience. That stretch of warehouses between here and the campus has always concerned me."

I stood on my tiptoes to press a kiss to his marble cheek. "But if you've been following me for the past five months, you know that nothing bad has ever happened, right?" He remained silent. "Right?"

"Yes, love. But please, for the sake of my sanity, no more wandering past the warehouses at dusk?"

Something in his expression made me drop any further teasing. "Okay," I promised immediately.

The tension in his face disappeared. "Let me finish getting dressed and we'll be ready to go." Of course, he returned to the living room fully dressed with his jacket before I'd even finished tying my shoes. "Ready?"

"Yes, just one thing…I have something for you too." I averted my eyes from his, then went to retrieve my spare key from a drawer on my little desk. "It's no Black Card, but since you live here now too, I won't make you keep coming and going through the balcony…unless you want to." He smiled brilliantly as I handed it to him, his unease from moments before now entirely gone. He used the key, now his, to lock the deadbolt behind us as we stepped into the hall.

"It's these little things that mean the world to me, you know," he mused as we walked hand-in-hand down the hall. "All these little moments that mean I'm truly sharing your life now." I squeezed his hand. "Something as simple as packing your lunch just brought me so much joy…I can't even explain it."

"Just imagine what it will be like to have our own house," I pointed out. "All ours." His thumb stroked over my hand in his.

"I know, love, and I can't wait."

After we had settled into his car, I reached over to take his hand again. "So what are you doing today, after fixing the lock on the balcony door?"

"As soon as I'm done with that, I'm going to make a quick trip into Seattle, I ordered something that just came in today. I'll be back in time to pick you up, though. And then tonight I'd like us to start looking online at houses in Ithaca. I was thinking we could narrow it down and then fly out there at the end of the month to make a final decision, what do you think?"

"I'll have four days off over Thanksgiving, we could go then."

"You don't mind going over the holiday?"

I shrugged. "Jacob and Billy are the only ones who would probably think to ask me over for dinner, I get the feeling your family doesn't celebrate Thanksgiving dinner the way I do."

"No," he agreed. "Thanksgiving break, then. That will actually be perfect timing, we can move out there right after your last class in December."

"What about Christmas with your family?"

"We could stay for that, if you prefer. Once again, we don't celebrate the traditional way, but it's always amusing. Alice and Esme insist on decorating the house, going completely overboard, of course. Emmett usually does something completely inappropriate and hilarious. Then we all go hunting together…it's our version of Christmas dinner, I suppose."

"Um, I'll just sit that one tradition out. But yes, I would like to spend Christmas with your family."

We pulled up smoothly in front of the building I had my first class in, and Edward leaned over to kiss me. "Four o'clock, love."

The morning dragged on almost unbearably. The return to my regular schedule seemed incredible dull and I found myself daydreaming through my first two classes, thinking about Edward and the entire new world that had been revealed to me over the weekend. English 101 was frustratingly boring for the first time, and my second class, Biology, only reminded me of all the time Edward and I had spent together in high school. How could I have been so oblivious to everything that was going on around me then?

At noon, I gratefully escaped for the two-hour break before my next class. I normally used the time to cross random items off my to-do list, so after I ate the lunch Edward had packed for me, I pulled out my cell phone. Jake.

Ugh. For the first time, I was reluctant to call my best friend, although I knew that I simply had to assure him that I was fine, there was no reason for the topic of Edward or any of the Cullens to come up. A knot sat heavy in my stomach, though, knowing that this call would probably be one of the last times I spoke with Jake or Billy. I loved Edward and had no doubt that his reasons for trying to keep me from the Blacks were valid ones, but they hurt all the same.

I dialed the Blacks number and it rang three times before I realized it was noon on a school day…Jacob was probably in class as he was a senior at the reservation's small school. I was about to hang up when there was a click on the other end.

"Hello?"

"Jake?"

"Bella!" The relief and happiness in his voice reached out and enveloped me, like a blanket warm and comfortable from the dryer. I immediately felt guilty about not having called him sooner.

"Hey, I'm just returning your phone call, how are you doing? How's Billy?"

"We're both doing fine. Mad at you, though."

My heart fluttered nervously. "What did I do now?"

"I heard you were around over the weekend. Paul was in town and saw you drive by in your truck, I guess you didn't see him waving. No time for us, huh Bells?"

"Oh, I'm sorry…I was just in town for work. The, um, Cullens were having a dinner party and Lori catered it. I went home right afterwards, it was pretty late so I didn't want to call you."

There was a brief silence on the other end of the line. "The Cullens were having a _dinner_ party?"

"Well, um, really it was just appetizers and drinks, Dr. Gerandy retired and they had his goodbye party there. It was really nice, actually." I realized that I was babbling and tried to take a deep breath silently, reminding myself that I couldn't give away anything that had happened over the past few days.

"Uh huh. Nice of them. How many of them were there?" His voice had gone flat and cold.

"I really don't know, I was there to work. Dr. and Mrs. Cullen were there, and I think Alice and Edward too."

"Did any of them bother you?" His words came out in a rush, suddenly furious, and I was stunned. The Quileutes' dislike of the Cullens that I'd witnessed in the past had been an underlying aversion at the most, but the frantic hostility in Jake's voice took me by surprise.

"What? Jake, no…why would you say that?"

I heard him draw in a long breath on the other end of the line. "You know I don't trust any of them, and I didn't trust that Edward for a second, the one that was around you in school so much."

"Jake…you're scaring me." My words and the tremor in my voice were completely sincere now. "They were all very nice and polite while I was there. What's wrong with you?"

"Bella, just do me a favor." His words were rushed. "Stay away from the Cullens, okay? If they have another party or whatever, call in sick to work. Don't get near them. Please?"

My entire body felt as though it had turned to ice. Edward's words from the day before about the hostility and distrust between the Quilieutes and the Cullens suddenly rang perfectly true to me. I didn't want to even begin to imagine what Jacob's reaction would be if I told him exactly what the situation between Edward and I was now.

"Bella? Are you still there?"

"Yeah, Jake, I…" I paused for a moment. "Can you tell me what's wrong with the Cullens? Why are you acting like this?"

He huffed a little. "You can't trust them, Bells. They may seem perfectly nice and all, but you've got to stay away from them. Can you promise me that? If you come back into town just come straight down to La Push, okay? You're not going to see them again, are you?"

"I don't think so," I whispered, feeling my heart crack a little at this lie.

"Well, okay then. Just do me a fucking favor and let me know when you're coming into town next time?"

I blinked in silence. I had never, in all the time I'd known Jacob, ever heard him swear.

"And if you could be bothered to call me back within twenty-four hours when I call you, that would be great too. I was worried sick about you. Paul saw you drive into town but no one saw you leave."

"Are you telling me you had the roads staked out, Jake?" I snapped, my patience finally wearing thin.

"I was thinking about it. Just remember what I said, okay? I've got to go." With that, he hung up on me, the click very loud in my ear.

I almost dropped the cell phone, my nerveless fingers finally managing to snap it shut. The anger, the hostility in his voice…even in the past, the few times Jacob had mentioned the Cullens, there hadn't been that blatant hatred towards them. It wasn't as though he'd met any of them personally, and I wondered what brought about this abrupt change in his attitude.

One thing was perfectly clear: there was no way I could have both Edward and Jacob in my life now. And as much as I loved Jacob, my best friend and brother, I knew that I could only choose my love for Edward over Jake's hatred towards the Cullens. It wasn't even a choice any more, really, and although it hurt in a profoundly deep way to realize I'd just told Jacob goodbye, I knew now that there couldn't be any other way.

Suddenly feeling sick, I stood and gathered my things into my messenger bag, deciding to swing by the computer lab and check my school e-mail before heading over to the library. I normally spent the remainder of my midday break there, before my last class at two o'clock.

In the computer lab, I sat down at a workstation in the back corner of the room, logging in and then bringing up the school's e-mail program. I deleted the regular mass-mail announcements about upcoming extracurricular activities, quickly clicking through until I came to the last e-mail, sent only ten minutes ago, according to the timestamp on the message.

_CLASS CANCELED_ was the subject line, and the e-mail was from my two o'clock professor. I opened it to find a brief message with an apology, indicating that class for today would be canceled due to a last-minute family emergency. I groaned and looked at the clock on the computer…it was only now one o'clock. If I'd known that class would be canceled, I could have left at noon and spent the afternoon with Edward. Except that Edward was probably in Seattle by now, at the speeds he drove. Well, a quiet afternoon alone sounded nice too. I enjoyed every second I spent with Edward, but I was coming to realize that living with a man who could feel my emotions and read my mind meant I would have to cherish privacy whenever possible.

I zipped up my jacket and settled my messenger bag over my shoulder, walking quickly off campus towards my apartment complex. I felt a momentary pang of guilt after having promised Edward this morning that I wouldn't walk home anymore…but he'd specifically asked me not to walk home alone at dusk. Although it was an overcast day, it was bright and busy enough that I wasn't worried about being kidnapped off the street in the middle of the day.

His words had made me more aware of the hundred yard stretch of warehouses I walked along, though, and I shivered as I hurried a little faster. He'd probably be upset that I'd walked home after all. Maybe I should look into renting a car for the week, until I got my truck back.

Of course nothing bad happened, nothing ever had. As I locked my front door behind me, I laughed at how easily I'd spooked myself. Edward was a little overprotective, I couldn't fault him for that, but being a policeman's daughter meant I was pretty good at keeping myself safe.

I dropped my bag on the couch and hung up my jacket before sending Edward a quick text: "_Class canceled, I'm home_." I'd just put a cup of milk to heat in the microwave for hot chocolate when there was a vigorous knocking at the door. I glanced through the peephole and then smiled as I unlocked the door to reveal Alice.

She stepped inside immediately, her white teeth sparkling in a giant smile, her arms wrapped firmly around a huge stack of what looked like magazines and binders. "Hi Bella! Sorry I didn't call, but your class being canceled was a last-minute thing and I just wanted to get here as soon as possible. Edward won't be back until around three, although he's hurrying up now that you've texted him."

"You drove from Forks?"

"Yep!" She dropped her stack on the kitchen table as I pulled the cup of hot milk out of the microwave, spooned in some Godiva hot chocolate mix and stirred it gently. "Oh, and we'll definitely be taking a trip to Seattle for that lingerie shopping…next week I think."

I could feel my cheeks flushing. "Exactly when will I get used to you seeing everything before I do it?"

"Not for years, probably. But you'll find it comes in very handy, I promise."

"I hope so," I murmured, picking up the mug of hot chocolate. "So what's up? Is this purely a social call?"

She grinned again, turning quickly to the stack on the table, then back again to face me. She held up a copy of _Brides_ magazine like a child showing off a perfect report card.

"Oh wow, Alice. You're getting married to Jasper…again? That's awesome!"

She rolled her eyes. "No silly. I'm here to start planning _your_ wedding!"

I choked on the hot chocolate, much to her amusement. "_What_?"

"Bella…I'm _psychic_, remember? I can see the future and all?"

"First of all," I croaked, reaching for a napkin, "He hasn't asked me to marry him."

"But he will! And you'll say yes, right?"

"Um, I suppose I would. But that hasn't happened yet! Plus, we just um, you know, since Friday…"

She heaved out a melodramatic sigh. "You've known each other for _two years_. I've waited two years for this moment!"

"Alice! Edward and I haven't even talked about anything like this yet! And _he hasn't asked me to marry him!_"

"But he will!" She planted her fists on her hips and glared up at me. This conversation was obviously going in circles, I groaned and dabbed at the hot chocolate I'd spit on my sweater.

"Okay, can we backtrack a little?" I ignored the stack of magazines on the table and went into the living room, then sank down on the couch. Alice plunked down next to me, still clutching the _Brides_ magazine like a holy relic. "Okay, first off I don't want you to think I'm not grateful for everything you've done to help get Edward and I to this point, because I truly am. And I get the feeling you and I are going to be very good friends." She nodded and beamed at me. "But when I stop to think about it, I'm still having trouble wrapping my mind around everything that's happened. I don't think planning a wedding is something I'm up for at the moment."

"I'll plan it for you," she offered, pouting a little.

"Okay, let me rephrase that. I don't want a wedding to be planned yet."

"Oh, Bella. And I thought getting around Edward would be the hard part." She hugged the magazine close to her chest. "Can't we even look at a few dresses?"

"No," I said firmly.

"Flowers?"

"No. But I promise when the time comes, you can help me plan everything, okay?"

She sighed again, then tossed the magazine to the floor. "Matron of honor?"

"Absolutely."

"All right then." She paused and then threw her arms tightly around my neck. "I'm so excited!"

"Alice, can you do me a favor?" I laughed and awkwardly returned her hug. "Unless something really bad is going to happen, don't tell me anything about my future, please? I'd rather find out as it happens."

She bounced a little on the couch. "Sure, but can I tell you that you and I are going to be best friends, like sisters?"

"I think I knew that already," I said dryly before cautiously taking another sip of hot chocolate. "So, since we aren't going to be planning a wedding today, what would you like to do?"

"Well, I would suggest that we go ahead and take that lingerie shopping trip now, since Edward is on his way home, but I guess we don't really have time. Oooh, wait, I know what we can do!" In a flash Alice bounced up from the couch and was perched on my desk chair, booting up my laptop. "You can buy from the website and have it delivered, this will at least get you started until we can get to a department store in Seattle."

"Get me started on what?" I pulled myself up from the couch and got up to peek over her shoulder. "Oh my God, Alice, La Perla?"

"Believe me when I tell you he'll _love_ it," she said smugly, clicking rapidly through the website. "Just make sure you don't think about any of this with him around, though, if you want it to be a surprise. You've got to learn to block him out to keep anything a secret."

"Hmm, could you teach me how to do that? It would come in handy at some point, I'm sure…ALICE!" I caught sight of one of the items she was adding the online shopping bag. "That bra was $300!"

"Yep, so what? It'll look gorgeous on the floor next to your bed." She winked at me deviously. "I saw him giving you the credit card, so you must know it's no biggie."

"Shopping with vampires is going to take some getting used to," I muttered, flopping down in the armchair next to the desk.

"It's fun! Really! Second only to _sex_ with vampires, and I know you've already found _that_ out."

My cheeks flared bright red again. "Please don't tell me how much you've seen of that."

"Don't worry, I try and block _that_ out for everyone," she giggled. "But honestly, it's incredible, isn't it?"

"Alice! This is your brother you're talking about!"

She snorted, flicking through pages of panties now. "He's not really my brother, you know that. Besides, this is the kind of thing girlfriends dish about. I could tell you about Jasper and I, if you like."

"No," I said quickly. "I'll take your word for it that it's incredible for you too. And yes, sex with Edward is…hot." I paused for a moment, a smile slowly growing on my face. "Better than hot, it's more than I ever thought something like that would be."

"He was your first, wasn't he?"

"Yep, but I don't think I need anything to compare it with to know it's mind-blowing. It just seems to keep getting better."

"It does," she said seriously, moving on to the sleepwear. "Jasper and I have been together for decades and every single time is just as incredible or more so. When you have that kind of emotional and spiritual bond to someone, it just enhances the physical aspect of it too."

I curled my legs up under me in the chair, surprised at how easy it was to talk about sex with Alice. "Can I ask you something?"

She flashed another bright smile at me. "Of course, Bella, you can ask me anything. We're going to be best friends, remember?"

"And I'm really glad for that…I think Edward was worried about me not having anyone to talk to about all…this."

"He is. You can talk to me about anything, ask me about anything." She shot me a sideways look.

I was silent for a moment, thinking about the many questions that had started flickering through my mind over the past few days. "I guess…staying on topic…the sex thing. I've worried he's having to hold himself back, and that he's not enjoying himself as much. Yesterday we had a discussion and he, um, got kind of upset and squeezed my hands a little too tight. I guess that's the first time I really saw how much stronger he is than me."

She sighed. "Yes, I saw that happening, but you handled it really well. He tends to overthink things. He always has, and when it comes to you…oh boy."

"Do you think he's holding back more than he has to?"

"No," she replied immediately. "He's come a remarkably long way in two years, but the bare fact remains that he _is_ much stronger than you, and he really could hurt you if he wasn't mindful of that all the time. He would never forgive himself if he hurt you. I'd say for now, let him lead on that front. Besides, aren't you enjoying yourself?"

"Of course! But I want him to enjoy himself just as much."

"Trust me, Bella, he is. I've seen _that_ much, at least."

"Is he happy?" My voice was much softer than before, and Alice stopped her frantic clicking to answer me.

"He's very happy now."

"He wasn't before?"

"No," she shook her head slowly. "He was very lonely for a long time, even if he never admitted it. Being single in a house full of mated vampires…we tried to never rub it in his face, but it's tough to ignore. And it wasn't just the sex thing for him, it was the lack of a partner, someone of his own to love the way he saw in all of us. When you finally came into his life, it was amazing."

"How far in advance did you see me coming, out of curiosity?"

"When you made the decision to come to Forks. But even then, it was scary. At first, all I saw was him killing you." Her face crumpled a little. "That was awful."

"When did you first see…all of this, where we are now?"

She smiled sadly at me. "At Charlie's funeral."

"That's what he said too," I murmured, sitting back in my chair. Alice went back to her shopping and after a moment I spoke again. "Without telling me details, can you tell me if you see Edward and I having a long happy life together?"

"Yes, definitely," she said immediately.

Warmth spread through me at that. "Can you tell me more about vampires, in general?"

She peeked at me sideways again. "What exactly would you like to know?"

"Well, I guess…is it fun? Are you happy?"

She exhaled slowly and turned away from the computer. "It depends on who you ask. I don't remember being human, this is all I've ever known. I love my life, and I love my family. It's tough always trying to blend in, to pretend to be something you're not. I can't just have normal friends and normal girl-time. I love Rosalie, but she and I probably would never have been friends in our human lives. I think you and I would have been, though. And I've got Jasper now, so I can honestly say I wouldn't change my life for anything.

"But if you asked Rosalie, you'd get a very different answer. She's always struggled the most with what we are, even more so than Edward. All she ever wanted was to be a happy wife and a mother and she feels fate, and Carlisle to a certain extent, took that away from her. Every single day she thinks about that, about what she lost. So she would probably say she'd give anything to be human again.

"Other than that, I think we all feel that this is our life, and we try to make the most of it. That's why I have no problem ordering thousands of dollars of frilly lingerie in one sitting."

"Please, don't tell me the total, I don't want to know." I got up to retrieve my wallet and handed her the black credit card with my name emblazoned across the front, wondering if I should ask her the next question that had been niggling at my mind. It was probably something I should ask Edward directly, but I truly wasn't sure what his reaction would be, and maybe it would be best to at least test the waters with Alice first…

"Bella, you're giving me a headache." Alice finished the online checkout process and turned to squint at me.

I laughed lightly. "Can vampires get headaches?"

"I can see that you're flipping back and forth about asking me something, and it keeps changing your future. You're making me dizzy here."

I took a deep breath. "Okay, fine. Tell me about how someone becomes a vampire."

She groaned. "I'm not supposed to tell you this. He doesn't want any of us to talk to you about it."

"Let's play Twenty Questions, then. Is it like on movies and tv?"

She rolled her eyes. "Definitely not."

"Do you have to be dying, to become a vampire?"

"He's going to kill me," she sighed.

"You're already dead."

"Details," she muttered, running her hand through her spiky black hair. "No, you don't have to be dying."

"Oh, I just assumed…" I trailed off, surprised by her answer, then tried again. "He's told me about Esme and Emmett, and himself, and that they were all dying, so I just assumed that it was necessary for…"

"But he didn't tell you the details about Jasper, did he? Or Carlisle? I don't remember anything before the day I opened my eyes and woke up a vampire, but Jasper and Carlisle were both very healthy humans when they were changed."

I sat in silence, stunned that the possibility genuinely hadn't crossed my mind before. Alice gracefully sprang from the computer chair and tugged me back over to the couch, where she pushed me to sit and then curled up next to me.

"I've never done it or seen it done, so I can't give you any details. Besides, this really is something you should talk with Edward about, he's going to be upset that I've told you this much as it is."

"Why, if he wasn't planning on telling me himself?"

"Oh, he definitely planned on telling you, just not so soon. You two have been in a perfect happy little bubble for the past four days, and I think he felt there was plenty of time for heavier discussions later on."

I frowned. "Apparently my inquisitive mind doesn't agree. Can you tell how he's going to react?"

"No," she replied honestly. "You're still processing all this, and I can't see yet how you'll choose to bring it up, and what his response will be. But regardless, this is _Edward_ you'll be talking to. He loves you so very much, be honest and direct with him and I'm sure he'll be that way with you too. He just didn't want you to worry about too much at once, but if you approach him directly I'm sure he'll be honest with you. Besides," she grinned a little. "This is something he _really_ wants to discuss with you. And that's all I'm going to tell you."

"Ugh. In that case, you'd better give me a crash course on how to block him from reading certain thoughts. And you'd better split before he gets back."

She giggled and straightened up. "Oh, he'll know. Vampires' scents are very distinctive, he'll know as soon as he steps foot in the building that I was here."

"What do I smell like?" I asked curiously.

"Wonderful. Very floral. You smell great to all of us, although more so to Edward." She wrinkled her nose at me and grinned. "Tasty, even."

"Very funny. How do I keep him from seeing that we talked about this?"

"Normally I would tell you to distract yourself by concentrating on something difficult. I usually work on translating the Bill of Rights into Chinese or something, but if you did that, he'd know in a second something was up. Since he can only really read your thoughts when he looks into your eyes, I'd suggest avoiding eye contact and distract him with the La Perla shopping if he gets suspicious. You do need to talk to him about it as soon as possible, though."

"Oh, don't worry, I fully intend to."

"He's going to be here in the next twenty minutes, so I should probably get going. I picked express shipping, so your lingerie should be here tomorrow. Have fun with it, I know he will."

"I'll give you a full report, don't peek."

She giggled and jumped up from the couch. "Okay, I'll try not to. I'll see you Friday morning, and be ready for a makeover."

"A makeover?" I protested weakly.

"Just enjoy it, Bella!" She picked up her enormous stack of bridal magazines from the table. "Are you sure you don't want to keep just a couple of these?"

"No!"

"Well then, I'll see you in a few days. Bye, Bella!" With that, Alice danced out the front door, leaving me to my thoughts.

When Edward arrived eighteen minutes later I was sitting at my computer, checking my e-mail after first making sure Alice had closed out the La Perla website. The door clicked open and I leaned back to see Edward entering warily. His face lit up when he saw me sitting at the desk.

"Hello, love."

"Hi." It was amazing how instinctively I reacted to his presence now, an overwhelming sense of comfortable love and no small amount of lust.

"Alice already left?"

I laughed and tilted the chair back. "She said you'd know as soon as you stepped into the building."

"I guess I should have known that she'd seize the advantage of your class being canceled and be here right afterwards." He crossed the room to me and leaned to place a soft kiss on my lips, I was careful to keep my eyes shut. "What were the two of you up to?"

"Just girl talk, mostly. It was nice."

"I'm glad." He stood behind me, his hands running gently up over my arms and I leaned the chair back again, tilting until the back of my head rested against his stomach.

"Did you have a good trip?"

"Yes, thank you. I missed you, though." He tugged gently at me and I immediately stood, melting into him with a sigh. He kissed me again, then pulled away, cocking his head curiously. "What exactly did Alice do to you?"

"Nothing too horrible. Why do you ask?" I pulled him back against me and buried my face in his neck.

"Your mind feels very…unbalanced."

I snickered and kissed his throat. "That doesn't sound like a compliment."

"I know Alice. What did she say to you?"

"Nothing we can't talk about, please stop worrying."

"I can't help it when it comes to her plans for you."

"Do you really want to know?" I sighed dramatically.

"Very much."

I pictured the $300 bra Alice had bought in my mind, focusing on the image as clearly as I could, imagining the black lace against my skin and under his lips before lifting my chin and allowing my eyes to meet his. Edward's pupils immediately dilated and his hands tightened on me.

"She took you shopping?"

"Virtually," I whispered before pulling his head back down until his lips met mine. He moaned.

"I owe Alice an apology, then. I automatically assumed she was up to no good." He spun me around effortlessly, allowing his hands to drift down my lower back. "Anything else you'd like to show me?"

"Not until it's delivered tomorrow." I nuzzled his neck, feeling my arousal growing exponentially. "Until then you just have to enjoy the package without the trimmings."

He hummed a little and his lips were nibbling along my neck when they suddenly froze in place. "What. Is. _That_?"

"Hmm?" I turned my head and followed his stare to the _Brides_ magazine Alice had tossed on the floor, half-hidden under the couch. I hadn't noticed that she'd left it or I would have thrown it away before he got home.

He was growling again, and not in pleasure this time. "I guess this is why she conveniently decided to leave just before I got back."

I flushed guiltily. "You should have seen the whole stack she had with her. She must have forgotten to grab that one."

He shook his head slowly. "Vampires don't forget things like that, Bella. She left it here on purpose, hoping I'd see it and get the message. One of the joys of a psychic sister is that she's spoiled quite a few surprises over the years."

"Surprises?" I asked stupidly.

He sighed. "Silly Bella, surely you knew I'd planned to propose to you?"

I gaped at him, completely without words.

"You _didn't_ know? I'm definitely going to kill Alice now."

"No, I…um," My head was whirling. "I imagined being with you for the rest of my life, of course. I guess my thoughts hadn't been any more concrete than that yet."

"I was going to make it very romantic," he said softly, and the crestfallen expression on his face tugged at my heart. I wrapped my arms around his neck again.

"I would strangle Alice for you, but I get the feeling she could probably outrun me. I guess she just got overexcited. I can pretend that this afternoon never happened, if you like."

He ran his hand down my side. "That would probably be for the best, unless you'd like your ring right now."

I froze again. "You already have it?"

"It's what I went to Seattle to pick up." He bent and gently kissed my lips, his tongue darting quickly across them.

My thoughts were going a million miles a minute. Marriage hadn't even crossed my mind until Alice had appeared with her stack of magazines, not because I was opposed to marrying Edward, but because it seemed so _ordinary_, so everyday. There was nothing remotely ordinary about my love for Edward, it seemed like magic and every dream I'd ever had come true.

"You must be upset," he murmured against my ear. "I can't hear anything from you now."

"I'm thinking."

"About?"

"Marrying you."

"Is it such a ghastly idea?"

"No, I'm just trying to figure out how to ask…" I pushed away from him. "Is it horrible of me to say that I don't want you propose right this second, but that the suspense will kill me if I don't get to see the ring now?"

He stared at me for a moment and then his face cracked into a smile. "You're not upset about the idea of marrying me?"

I scoffed. "Of course not. It just hadn't occurred to my sex-addled brain over the past four days, that's all."

"Oh Bella," he said quietly before pulling me back against him, hard. "I really don't know what I would do without you now."

"You would be lonely and very horny for all of eternity," I said, trying to lighten his mood. I knew it had worked when I finally felt him chuckle silently against me, then he was gently pushing me to sit down on the couch before kneeling in front of me.

"You promise, you're not proposing now? I really want to hold out for your romantic plan, to be honest."

"I promise," he vowed, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a small black box. I sucked in a deep breath as he carefully opened the box and rested it on my knee. Nestled in black velvet was a gorgeous diamond ring, a single stone set in the center sitting high above two smaller ones that flanked it. It was perfect in its simplicity.

"It's an antique, made in the year I was born," he said, sounding a little nervous. "I thought you might like that better than something modern."

"It's beautiful," I whispered, and his face lit up.

"You really like it?"

"It's perfect. I can't wait until you give it to me for real." I leaned forward and kissed him, letting my fingers lace into his and closing the little black box at the same time.

"I can't wait until you're my wife," he promised against my lips, his free hand coming up to cup my face, his fingers intertwining into my hair. He kissed me hard and I felt his hand holding the box slip away from mine as he stood suddenly and pulled me to my feet and then scooped me up into his arms. Before I could catch my breath we were lying on the bed, his hard body settling carefully over me before his lips sought mine again.

"Edward," I gasped, "I have to ask you something else before I lose my nerve."

"Ask me anything," he mumbled, his mouth now moving over my throat.

"I asked Alice, but she told me to ask you," I managed as his tongue swept over my collarbone.

"Yes?"

"I want…I want you to tell me about becoming a vampire."

* * *

A/N: Finally, it's time for _the_ conversation. You know what conversation. That Conversation. Shoot me a review and let me know what you think!


	7. Chapter 7

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and its characters. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Chapter Seven**

**From the previous chapter:**

"_Edward," I gasped, "I have to ask you something else before I lose my nerve."_

"_Ask me anything," he mumbled, his mouth now moving over my throat._

"_I asked Alice, but she told me to ask you," I managed as his tongue swept over my collarbone._

"_Yes?"_

"_I want…I want you to tell me about becoming a vampire."_

For an eternity, Edward was frozen into stillness above me, his lips motionless at the base of my neck where they'd come to rest at my last words. After a moment I lifted my hands to run gently down his back, and although we didn't have eye contact, I began thinking about some of the things that had occurred to me over the past few days. His vastly superior physical strength. His almost obsessive concern with my safety. His aging frozen by the nature of his being, leaving him forever youthful. In sharp contrast was my fragile physical body, my mortality, my steady progression in age. And although we actually looked the same age at the moment, I knew as the years ticked by the disparity between us would become more glaringly obvious until my humanity finally caught up with me in the form of my death…whether it be from old age in seventy years, or in a car accident tomorrow.

As those thoughts passed through my mind, a shudder went through him and I knew he must have heard at least some of it. He lifted himself slightly to meet my gaze, and the pain in his beautiful golden eyes made my heart ache.

"Bella," he whispered, his voice cracking slightly, "Why are you asking me this now?"

I reached up to touch his marble cheek. "Before I talked to Alice today, I was under the impression that a human had to be already dying to become like you. Part of me immediately assumed, or rather hoped, that you would be willing to change me when that time came for me. I asked Alice the…mechanics of it all…and the little that she told me made me realize we wouldn't have to wait for that."

"_Why_?" he rasped out. "Why would you want me to do that to you?"

"Can I ask you something?"

He sighed and lay down on his side next to me, gathering my body against his so that my back was against his chest. "Of course, you can ask me anything."

"I just want to ask you the same thing I asked Alice earlier. Are you happy?"

"I am happy with you? Unquestionably."

"No, I mean…are you happy being a vampire?" My question which had sounded so easy and natural with Alice now sounded silly and trite. There was a long pause before he replied.

"If you had asked me that two years ago, my answer would have been no. And even now, I wish I was human again so that I could give you all the things you deserve, all the things I can't as a vampire."

"Like what?"

"A family, a normal life, the satisfaction of growing old together. The absence of worrying about inadvertently hurting you physically."

"But if you could have the best of both worlds, to give me all that while remaining a vampire, would you chose it?"

He was silent for a very long time and I forced myself to be patient, running my fingers over the arm he had clasped around me.

"I suppose so, yes. There are things that are difficult about being one of our kind, especially with the lifestyle we've chosen. But there is so much to it that I enjoy and am accustomed, it would be difficult in many ways to revert back to being a human."

A book I'd read in high school, _Flowers for Algernon_, flashed briefly through my mind.

"Now that I have you though, Bella, I enjoy this life more. You have fulfilled me in a way I never could have imagined possible. I feel that I am a better person for having earned your love. For the first time I am content with what I am, because you love me as I am. And if you love me as I am, then I can't possibly be a monster."

"I do," I said softly. "I love you exactly as you are, but I would love _you_ no matter what kind of man you were. Immortal or not."

There was another short pause before Edward spoke again. "Why are you asking me all of this, Bella?"

I swallowed hard, calling on all my courage. "I have a few reasons, although they're a little jumbled right now. One is that I am mortal. I could die of a heart attack right now in your arms. I could die of cancer, I could be hit by a car crossing the street. There is nothing you could do to prevent any of those things from happening, and I don't want you spending your life…my life…trying to keep me alive. Another reason is I want us to be _equal_. I don't want you to hold yourself back when you love me, or when you touch me. I want you to be able to hold me as tight as you can without worrying about crushing me, I don't want you to have to be constantly mindful of hurting me, especially since I know what it would do to you if something did accidentally happen."

Another slight shudder ran through his body, pressed tightly against mine.

"And I guess my last reason is my most selfish…I want to be with you forever. You have forever, I have a fixed lifetime…whatever that may be. The idea that the option of being with you forever is _available_…I can't imagine _not_ asking you for that. Even if I did die tomorrow I would be grateful for these few days we've had together. To some extent, I don't know what I've done that's good enough in my life to even deserve such a wonderful eternity. But if you have a good reason for saying no to that, I really do want to hear it."

"Bella," his voice broke, "You don't know what you're asking for."

I squirmed around until I was facing him, kissed his stone lips and then settled down to tuck my head under his chin. "No, I don't. Alice wouldn't tell me, which is why I'm asking you now."

"What exactly do you want me to tell you?"

"To begin with…do you understand my reasons for asking you to change me?"

He sighed again and stroked my hair gently. "Based on the knowledge you do have, yes, I understand why you're asking. Were our positions reversed, I don't doubt I would have the same thought process, and ask the same thing."

I relaxed a little. "I want you to tell me everything, then. Tell me the process, tell me the details, tell me everything."

"I can't believe we're having this conversation," he muttered.

"Please?"

"It's not pretty or elegant, Bella."

"That's exactly why I want you to tell me everything," I whispered against his throat. "I don't want the abridged version of this."

"Yes," he said softly, then exhaled. "But before I start, I want you to know why I asked my family not to tell you anything. I assume Alice at least mentioned that?" I nodded. "None of my family, myself included, _chose_ this life. The decision was made for each of us by someone else. Esme, Emmett, Rosalie, and I all would have died, had the decision not been made by someone else to change us. Carlisle and Jasper were both attacked in the prime of their human lives. It's impossible to know whether fate intended us to live our human lives until our inevitable deaths, or whether fate intended us to live this new, different life. Regardless, you need only ask Rosalie to know she wishes she had died alone in the street rather than spend eternity this way, even with Emmett by her side.

"I know that you honestly thought that the change could only be made just before death, and part of me was content to allow you to believe that. And you are right, had your death become imminent, whether tomorrow or decades from now, I would have changed you then, if that was your wish. But the idea of taking your human life away from you now, when you are such a beautiful, vibrant, glowing creature…it seemed to me to be on par with smashing a priceless sculpture or destroying any other invaluable work of art. I didn't want my family planting that seed in your head."

A cold feeling began to twist in my heart, settling heavily in my stomach, but I remained silent.

"You want to know the mechanics of how it takes place? Our bodies produce venom, and it is injected into a human by way of a bite. It is nothing like the erotic metaphor for sex that movies would have you believe, Bella. We don't have delicate needle-like fangs that are precisely inserted into your jugular. It is a _bite_, with razor-sharp teeth, that tears your skin, your flesh, your vein. The venom then heals the wound to prevent hemorrhaging, and seals the venom inside your vein. And then the pain begins.

"I cannot imagine there is any other pain in the world a human being can endure that can compare to the hell that is your body changing. Every single cell in your body dies, Bella, and you can feel each and every one. Your flesh and bones burn as though you're being dipped one millimeter at a time into a vat of acid. The pain only increases as the change progresses, you never become accustomed to it and you can't get away from it. In the meantime your organs are desperately trying to fight it off, your lungs feel as though they're being encased in concrete so you can't breathe, and your heart desperately tries to keep beating through the poison that runs through your veins. And you are aware of it for every single excruciating moment. There is no sleep, there is no escape. It normally takes three days, but they feel like an eternity that seems to have no end, one that has lasted so long you don't remember when it began."

I was shivering now at the horror of his words, but not from fear or dread for myself. The detail in which he described it told me that he remembered his own change very clearly, and the idea of Edward enduring such torture made me feel physically ill. Without releasing his hold on me, he pulled the bed's comforter over my body, tucking it securely around me, then pulled me back against his chest. "Are you sure you want me to go on?"

"Yes." I made that one word as resolute as I possibly could.

"When you awake, it is very disorienting. Imagine all of your senses amplified to the point that it seems you almost can't process them all at once. Sounds, sights, smells, all of them whirling around you in such detail that you would be completely overwhelmed, except for the fact that your brain can now deal with them all simultaneously. Your human memories are very vague if you remember them at all. It is both terrifying and exhilarating.

"The newborn experience is different for everyone. Carlisle evidently had the most restraint of any of us, of course. Esme was somewhat restrained, and Rosalie even more so. Emmett, on the other hand, was a handful for quite some time. The only constant amongst all newborns is the overwhelming and uncontrollable desire for blood. Call it survival instinct, I suppose…we all awaken with a burn in our throats that can only be tempered by that one thing."

"How long does it take to go away?" I asked softly.

"It never does, love. Just as your stomach growls when you're hungry, just as you grow weak if you don't eat. After days of starvation, you would gladly devour rotten food, just to get sustenance. It's the same for us, if we don't hunt then our control can slip and we will take nourishment from wherever we can, although human blood _always_ calls to us most strongly. Controlling exactly where and what you get the blood from is an exercise in restraint that can take a long time to master, but again, everyone is different."

"What about after that? After the newborn stage?"

He nuzzled his lips along the top of my head. "Vampires are all as unique as humans. Some of us choose the more traditional diet and live as nomads, not bothering to try and blend in except when it comes to getting close enough to humans to prey on them. And then there are some like us that find adhering to a non-human diet makes us calmer, happier, more fulfilled. Remembering that we too were once human helps to keep us from giving into the temptation. During those years when I was playing God, preying on the dregs of society, I was more depressed and hateful than I ever was otherwise. And now, to know that controlling those urges allows me to have you…the thought of human blood is almost revolting to me now. I like to think I'm becoming more like Carlisle in that respect."

I lay quietly for a time, thinking over everything he'd said. His hand never stopped stroking my hair, and from time to time he would place a gentle kiss on my head.

"You're so relaxed now, I can hear you fairly clearly, love." His voice was heavy with emotion. "I'm amazed you aren't horrified, or disgusted."

"Nothing about you disgusts me, you should know that," I said slowly. "You told me honest facts and details and I'm grateful for that. But it doesn't change the way I feel."

"You want forever." It wasn't a question.

"Don't you?"

"Bella…" Desperation tinged his voice now. "After everything I just told you…"

My throat tightened and for the first time I felt rejection from the man who'd sworn to give me everything. The pain of it stung my heart unbearably and I blinked rapidly to keep the tears at bay. "You don't want to change me?"

"Love," he moaned, and in a moment he'd flipped me onto my back and was hovering over me. "How can you doubt that?"

I blinked at him, unsure what he meant. "Wait…what are you saying?"

Anger flashed across his features. "Of course I want you forever, I want it with every fiber in my being. But to ask you to _die_ for me, to give up your life here for me, to throw away every beautiful human thing about you…it makes me sick that I want it so badly! I can accept that I'm a selfish creature, but that I'm selfish enough to _want_ you to ask me to change you…I hate myself for that, Bella!"

"Noooo…" I breathed, winding my fingers into his messy bronze hair and pulling his tormented face down to mine, kissing him frantically. After a moment the granite of his lips softened and he was kissing me back, gently at first, then with a fierceness that matched my own need to reassure him, to communicate to him what I truly wanted.

"Please, please," I whimpered as his lips slid down my jaw. "Please just give me that, please let me stay with you forever. I've already lost so much, I can't stand the thought of losing you too, or of you losing me, I _need_ to be with you. Please, I…" I sucked in a long shuddering breath, aware that I was babbling, but unable to phrase my thoughts any more coherently. "Do you want me to beg? I will, please Edward just tell me…"

He growled low in his throat. "I don't want you to _ever_ beg, Bella."

"What do I have to _say_, Edward? Tell me!"

"I just need to hear you say it, look at me and say it."

Immediately I moved my hands to his shoulders and pushed, he rose off of me just far enough that his black eyes could bore into mine.

"Please Edward, make me yours. I want you to change me, I want to be your wife, your lover, your mate eternally. There is nothing else in the world I want more than that."

He growled again, and for the first time I saw on his face something other than love, lust, or the beautiful expression that just _was_ the Edward I knew. For the first time I saw on his face a proprietary hunger, one of a predator claiming its mate, staking his claim and yearning to mark me as _his_. Hesitantly I let one hand come up and cup his face, his jaw clenched even tighter at the burning contact.

"I trust you," I whispered. Then I shut my eyes.

Long seconds ticked by, measured by my rapid heartbeat, as I felt his cool breath hit my face in short pants. Neither of us moved until suddenly there was the slightest bounce to the mattress, my eyes snapped open to see him standing by the glass balcony doors, his eyes burning into mine from across the room.

"Stay here…I need…" With that he flicked the glass door open and was gone.

I stayed frozen in the bed for a moment, then slowly got up and went over to the door he'd left open. The cold November air made me shiver but I peeked out into the alley below. There was no sign of him, not that I expected there to be. I went back inside and shut the door behind me, not bothering to lock it. Somewhere in the other room my cell phone began ringing, and I drifted in to see it glowing on its charger. The name on the caller ID was _Alice_, but I didn't answer it.

Still moving in slow motion and settled in a deep calm, I gathered up and tossed a load of laundry into the tiny washer that hid in my hall closet, a rare amenity in an apartment my size. When the wash cycle ended, I put them in the adjoining dryer. I double-checked my day planner to make sure I didn't have any assignments due for my one class tomorrow. I sat down and typed out my regular weekly e-mail to Renee, giving her the G-rated version of my weekend and conversation with Jake. I made a to-do list for the next day, including giving notice to my landlord and visiting the bank to close out all my accounts. I made a sandwich and munched it slowly while watching the evening news. I dumped all the refuse from the garbage cans into the kitchen bin, tied off the bag, and took it downstairs and outside into the dumpster.

I showered and then changed for bed, into a tank top and a faded pair of cotton shorts, both soft and worn thin by age. The clock said it was only seven and I was vaguely surprised that it was still so early, but I was tired and curled up into bed anyway. I dozed and drifted dreamlessly until I felt his familiar cool arms slip around me from behind.

"I'm sorry, love." His whisper tickled my ear, barely audible even in the deep silence of the room.

"S'okay," I murmured sleepily. "I wasn't worried."

He pulled me deeper into the curve of his body. "I had to go hunt, I was ready to take you then."

"I know."

"I think I decimated an entire herd of deer." His lips brushed over my earlobe and I couldn't help but giggle faintly.

"Poor deer."

"They never saw me coming," he agreed, wrapping his arms more securely around me.

The dark and the silence settled on us again until I turned my head just enough to rub my lips over his cheek. "I love you."

"And I love you. Bella…are you sure…"

"Yes." I spoke firmly, still sleepy but resolute.

He shuddered behind me. "I was ready to…"

"I know."

There was more silence before he spoke again. "Hearing you say that…it did something to me. I want you so badly, even though I _know_ I have you, it's tearing me apart inside."

"I don't like to think of you being in pain." I shifted slightly against him, feeling his arousal against my backside.

"I couldn't just do it then, though." His whisper was ragged. "I want you to go into this with your eyes open, I want you to have made the choice and planned for it in the way none of us had the opportunity to."

"I understand."

"And you still want…"

"More than anything. I want you, and there is no other choice in my mind or in my life than being with you forever."

He groaned and pressed his face into my hair. "Bella…my Bella…"

I turned to him then, my movements still heavy with sleep. "Make love to me, Edward."

He did, and so much like that first night, I felt as though I'd been drugged. Everything seemed to move with the most exquisite slowness, allowing me to feel every inch of his skin slipping over mine, the unrelenting rigidity of his erection pushing deeply into me, pulling the first of many orgasms from my burning body. He came too, in response to the contractions around him, but was almost immediately hard again, and began an unhurried thrusting into the deepest part of me. Everything began to pool and blur together: the moonlight spilling across my pillow, refracting off his black eyes as he bent over me; his tongue as it traced my lips and then delved deeper; his pants and my muted gasps as we moved in perfect synchronization; his words as he whispered, then moaned, then cried out to me, and the words of love that echoed from my heart and up into my eyes, where only he could hear them.

***

The next morning I awoke slowly, much like the day before, but still in a haze of pleasure that had accompanied me into sleep late the night before. Edward's arms were wrapped snugly around me, his lips against my neck.

"I am _not_ going to class today," I slurred sleepily.

He chuckled. "I thought we already had this discussion."

I yawned and turned to face him, snuggling closer to his hard body, rubbing my nose up and down his neck. "I mean it this time. I plan on having plenty of time to repeat my freshman year."

He was silent for a moment. "You don't regret…you haven't changed your mind…"

"No." My words were firm even as I rolled onto my back and gazed at the ceiling. "You know that old cliché, about today being the first day of the rest of your life? That's _exactly_ how I feel right now."

His hand ran gently down my ribcage and over my stomach. "If I couldn't read your mind right now, I'd be a little more apprehensive, I have to admit. But I can sense how _you_ feel about this. As if…"

"As if there's no other option," I finished softly, placing my hand over his. "I mean, I know technically, there is, but…" I paused for a moment and then giggled softly. "You want to know what keeps running through my head right now?"

"Always, love."

"That song from _The Sound of Music_, the one that Maria and the Captain sing. 'Something Good.' They certainly didn't consider her going back to just being the nanny after the realization that they were in love."

"Of the two of us, those lyrics more appropriately apply to me, don't you think?" he objected.

"Yes, but you're missing the importance of the turning point in the film. From that moment on, they knew their destinies lay together. There was no turning back, only moving forward in the natural progression of their lives together."

His soft laugh warmed me. "Only you, my dearest, could reference show tunes as a testament to your love for me."

I poked his hard chest. "I was referring to how _I _felt, you conceited vampire. I'm sure I could come up with better quotes referring to _you_."

He cocked an eyebrow. "Let's hear them."

I smiled slyly. Apparently Edward was at least somewhat unaware of my penchant for classic love poetry.

"_I have no life but this, _

_To lead it here;_

_Nor any death, but lest_

_Dispelled from there;_

_Nor tie to earths to come,_

_Nor action new,_

_Except through this extent,_

_The realm of you!_"

"Dickinson," he replied immediately. "My turn?"

"By all means," I countered, feeling my spirit rise to the challenge. He pressed his lips against my ear.

"_Oh, lift me from the grass! _

_I die! I faint! I fail! _

_Let thy love in kisses rain _

_On my lips and eyelids pale. _

_My cheek is cold and white, alas! _

_My heart beats loud and fast-_

_Oh! press it close to thine own again, _

_Where it will break at last!_"

I narrowed my eyes at him. "Shelley. Perfect vampire memory or no, are you sure you want to challenge me on this, Edward?"

His smirk was my answer, and I thought very deliberately for a moment before responding.

"_Some say the world will end in fire,_

_Some say in ice._

_From what I've tasted of desire_

_I hold with those who favor fire_."

He stared at me, dumbfounded for a moment. "I have to admit, I've never heard Robert Frost used in reference to a vampire's change."

I shrugged as much as I was able with his arms wrapped around me. "I thought it was appropriate."

He burrowed his face into my hair. "There's nothing romantic about the actual change, Bella."

"You've made that perfectly clear," I replied as lightly as I could. "It doesn't change anything. I'm not looking forward to that part, I'm dreading it. But if you went through it, then so can I."

"I don't like to think of you in that much pain," he said, so softly I almost didn't hear him.

"Neither do I. But is it necessary? It seems so."

"It's _not_ necessary," he replied heatedly.

"I say it is." I pulled him closer to me and he sighed against my neck. "When?"

"Is there a hurry?" he mumbled.

"Not a hurry, exactly, just…no real reason to wait." I could almost hear the wheels turning in his brain as he tried to think of a reason to delay. "I thought you said you _wanted_ this."

"I do but…it's wrong of me to want it so much."

"Why?" I pushed him away so that I could look into his beautiful face. "Why is it so wrong if it's what I want too?"

"You don't know exactly what it is you're asking for," was his immediate reply.

I sighed, suddenly very tired of this argument. "You've made that clear too. Regardless, this is _my _choice, and I've made it. Now it's up to you. Will you change me or do I have to look elsewhere?"

He quickly propped himself up on one elbow. "What do you mean?"

"If you won't do it, I'll ask Carlisle."

He growled slightly. "No you won't."

"Yes I _will_," I countered evenly.

His hands were suddenly on my shoulders, pushing me into the mattress. "I will be the only one to do that, Bella. No one but me."

"Then tell me _when_!" I snapped. He stared down at me, the frustration in his face melting slowly away.

"The end of the semester, just as we'd planned originally."

"Why the wait?" I couldn't help but squirm against his hips which were now pinning me against the mattress.

"These things ideally take planning, Isabella." His voice lowered as I continued wriggling under him. "We can't stay here, so that will give you time to tie up your loose ends, so to speak."

"I can do that in a week," I replied stubbornly.

"Yes, but my family will need to do so as well, and that will take more than a week."

I ceased my movements against him, surprised. "We aren't going to Ithaca, then?"

"We certainly can, if you like. But we don't know what your first year or two will be like and I'm afraid to do it on my own." His frank admission silenced me. "Are you opposed to living with my family for a while, at first?"

"No, not at all." In truth, the thought of all the Cullens supporting me through what Edward kept insisting would be the most traumatic year of my life was very appealing. Alice's gift of foresight and Emmett's brute strength especially.

"We'll talk to Carlisle this weekend, then," he promised, kissing my eyebrows and then over my eyelids as I shut them. I relaxed and enjoyed his cool lips moving over my face, feeling absolutely no guilt about skipping my class that day.

"Are you sure you don't want to go?" he queried, pausing in his slow exploration of my face.

"Not today." I licked quickly at the lips that had stopped moving. "I've never skipped class before, I don't think this one time will kill me."

He moaned his approval and resumed his leisurely journey over the planes of my skin, nibbling with his lips along my chin. It brought to mind another question.

"Edward…_can_ you do it?"

"What do you mean?" His voice was muffled as he gently licked and sucked at the pulse point in my neck.

"You said before…that the thought of human blood disgusted you."

"It disgusts me only in that I've conditioned myself to associate it with you being hurt or injured in some way. I'm sure that when the time comes, I'll be more than able to tolerate your blood just long enough to transfer enough venom for the change. Although I think it prudent if Carlisle were nearby, just in case."

Such a chance to take, I thought to myself, eyes shut. Without consciously thinking about it, I raised my left hand and gently pressed my ring finger to his lips. His moan subsided into a soft growl. "Bella…"

"Don't think about it," I whispered. "I know you won't hurt me. Can't you trust yourself too?"

His eyes glittered down at me. "Are you sure about this?"

"I'd rather find out now than later. I trust you."

Edward half-closed his eyes and transferred his weight to one forearm as he leaned over me, lifting his other hand and gently holding my finger to his lips. He kissed my fingertip, then licked it slowly, almost reluctantly. I lifted my free hand to cradle the back of his neck and he arched into it for a moment before carefully enclosing my ring finger in his mouth again and gently running it across his teeth. There was pressure but no pain, what he'd said before about his teeth being like razors rang perfectly true. I could feel a gaping tug in the sensitive skin of my fingertip, much like a papercut, just before his lips closed more tightly over my finger with the slightest of sucking sensations. My entire hand and then arm tingled as he moaned. I felt the cold swipe of his tongue run across my fingertip just before he pulled away and threw himself back onto the mattress, breathing heavily.

"Are you okay?" My question seemed silly even to my ears, but I had to ask.

"Yes, I just…I don't want to make that a habit."

"Okay," I whispered, leaning over to wrap my arms around him. My ring finger felt numb but there was no pain and no blood. I didn't want to examine it closely enough to see if there was an incision.

"I know I can do it…to change you. But right now…Bella…" He moaned again.

"Tell me," I said urgently. "Tell me what you're feeling."

Edward turned his head to meet my gaze, his eyes dark. "I need you."

"You have me," was all I managed before he was on me again, hands and lips moving urgently over my body.

* * *

A/N: A shorter chapter, I know, but it was itching to get out, and the practicalities of what comes next didn't really seem to fit with the intimacy of this chapter. Please shoot me a review with your thoughts...can it only be a happily-ever-after now? Or does fate have more in store for these two before that? I know the answer, but let me know what you think!

Ooops, and P.S. - I'm on Twitter now, as lazykatevamp. If you're following this story here on FF you probably already get notifications when it updates, but I'd be more than happy to chat and answer questions over there! Send me a request and I'll add you. :-)


	8. Chapter 8

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and its characters. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Chapter Eight**

The day was one filled with to-do's.

After Edward and I reluctantly pulled ourselves out of bed, we each embarked on a list of things which had suddenly taken on a new urgency. Edward especially seemed gripped with a need to have our affairs in order, as though he'd been holding himself back for too long and was afraid he only had a limited amount of time to plan.

After showering and changing, I tucked my wallet into my purse, placed a lingering kiss on Edward's lips, and walked down to the leasing office for the apartment complex, the keys to Edward's Volvo in my pocket. I gave notice to the leasing agent that I'd be moving out in December and wrote a check to cover my last month's rent. The agent asked to what address he should mail the check for my security deposit and I asked that he donate it to a local homeless shelter instead, as I was unsure what my address would be in two months' time.

Next I drove to the bank and closed my personal checking and savings account, holding out a couple hundred dollars in cash and requesting the balance in the form of a cashier's check, made out to Edward Cullen. I was sure that the amount was fairly paltry compared to the Cullens' fortune, even though it was a substantial sum left over from the sale of Charlie's house and his life insurance policy. Edward's insistence on _our_ money was a little bit easier to accept when I could contribute to it, even in a tiny way. I wondered briefly how they'd managed to accumulate so much wealth, but then realized that both centuries of time and a psychic family member probably had a lot to do with it.

I went to the town library and settled an overdue fine I'd put off paying.

I picked up my dry cleaning.

I visited the post office and collected the mail from my P.O. Box, mostly junk and circulars. I sat for a moment in Edward's car outside the post office, wanting to call Renee, but deciding that I should put off that particular conversation until after I spoke with Edward.

Finally, I checked the time and realized with a start that it was almost 1:30, no wonder my stomach was protesting so loudly. I headed back home to find that Edward had prepared yet another wonderful lunch for me.

"So what were you up to today?" I inquired in between bites.

"I called Carlisle and spoke with him briefly. He wants to talk to the two of us together this weekend, but I thought it prudent to give him a heads-up as far in advance as possible."

I swallowed nervously. "What did he think?"

Edward smiled encouragingly at me. "He was surprised at first, I suppose Alice managed to keep her mouth shut about this one piece of news. But he was happy to hear it. Esme is over the moon with joy, of course."

"We've got almost two months, though."

"You'll find, love, that two months is _nothing_ in a vampire's lifetime."

"Yes," I murmured. "What else?"

"I contacted a real estate agency in Ithaca and asked them to start looking for a home that would suit our family's needs."

I perked up. "We're still going to Ithaca?"

"Yes, love, the whole family will go."

"Oh…they're not moving because of me, are they?"

Edward shrugged gracefully. "They were planning on moving within the next eight months or so anyway, we'd spent several years in Forks already and people are beginning to wonder. This is just a good reason to move it up a few months."

"Okay."

"And finally, I managed to keep myself from ripping open an enormous box that was delivered here shortly before you arrived. Your La Perla order, I believe?"

I giggled softly at his hopeful expression. "I'll open that up in a bit."

He sighed theatrically. "As long as you'll let me help you sort it and put it away. So what did _you_ do today, love?"

I stood up from the table and put my empty plate into the dishwasher, then went into the living room and curled up on the sofa. Edward settled next to me and pulled me into his hard body. "I gave notice on my apartment. And I went to the bank…I have a cashier's check for you to add to _our_ funds."

"All right," he replied simply.

"And just some other little errands, things I needed to take care of. There are some other things I need to do, but I wanted to talk to you first."

He hummed questioningly against the top of my head.

"Edward…right afterwards…I'm not going to be able to be around people for a while, am I?"

"No, probably not," he replied quietly.

"I'd like to go visit my mom beforehand, then. If I can squeeze in one more visit, I don't think she'll consider it strange that I don't see her again for a while, as long as I keep in touch otherwise. I can tell her I moved to Europe on a student exchange program. She won't question that."

"Or you could tell her you met someone and eloped."

I thought for a moment. "I could do that."

"You have to remember that you'll look different afterwards, Bella. They'll be subtle changes, but noticeable. Even when you are able to see her again, she'll see the differences in your appearance."

"By that point I hope I'll be able to tell her that married life agrees with me." I tilted my head to kiss his chin and he squeezed me in response. "I was thinking…maybe right after my last class we could fly down together and I could introduce you."

"What will you introduce me as?" There was a new tone in his voice and I twisted upright to look at him.

"Well…as my boyfriend, I guess. Why?"

"I have a favor to ask you, and although you're free to say no, I really would like you to consider it seriously."

"All right."

Edward's hand gently caressed my face and then my lips, before dropping to pick up my left hand. "Bella…I would like for you to marry me before I change you."

I blinked.

"I know it may seem like a small technicality, but it would mean the world to me. I'll change you regardless of your decision, but it's one thing I would like to do in the proper order. We don't have to make it a big fancy affair, we can just go down to city hall if you like. But having my ring on your finger when I change you...the symbolism of it is very important to me."

I licked my lips. "If it's important to you, then it's important to me."

His topaz eyes were soft as they moved over my face. "It's very important to me. Call me old-fashioned, but I want…I _need_ you to be my wife, not just my mate."

"Okay," I said after a moment. "I have no objection to that, of course…but can you tell me why?"

He gently enclosed my left hand in his. "Aside from the fact that I'm a product of a different era…being with you like this, Bella…it makes me feel human again. And marrying you, the beautiful warm woman that has somehow found her way to me and will live in my heart eternally...it will be the absolute closest thing I will ever do to being human again. You have changed me in so many ways, made me a better person, happier, kinder. Regardless of what I said earlier about whether I'd rather be a human or a vampire, to me, marriage is that last link I have to the young man I once was. I like to think, no, I _know_," he picked up my hand and kissed it. "That my parents would utterly approve of you, had they been given the chance to meet you."

Sudden tears stung my eyes. It was so easy to forget how young Edward had been when his life had ended, how he'd known both his parents had died before him, how he must have accepted the fact that his own death was imminent. A seventeen-year-old with his entire life in front of him, so many plans and hopes and aspirations…losses that were now eternally frozen in his memory. Some of those plans were no longer possible, but the enormity of knowing that one of the greatest hopes in his perpetual life involved a simple exchange of vows with someone ephemeral like me…it was unbelievable.

His cool fingers brushed away the tears that I hadn't realized were spilling over onto my cheeks. "Did I say too much?"

"No," I sniffled. "I'm just overwhelmed. You have lived an entire life…several lives…before I was even born. You have been places, seen things, experienced so much, and yet you want _me_. You want me, physically, emotionally, spiritually, and forever. I don't know why I can wrap my mind around that more easily than the fact you want something as simple as to _marry_ me."

"Our spiritual connection is intangible, our marriage would be quite legal and concrete." He smiled a little. "Plus it will always remind me of how you _chose_ me, how you met me halfway."

I swiped at my wet face with my sleeve. "Is this the romantic proposal you were planning?"

He laughed. "No, that scenario involves candles and flowers and declarations on bended knee of my undying devotion to you."

"I don't know what else you could say that could be more romantic than what you just did, but I can't wait to find out."

"Does this mean I have permission to go file for a marriage license for us?"

I laughed and threw my arms around his neck. "I'd already told you that I'd marry you, silly man."

He squeezed me back. "Yes, but there wasn't a deadline attached to it then."

"I want to set a date."

"For the wedding?"

"Well, that too, but…" For some reason, talking about the actual act of him changing me still made me feel shy. He understood immediately.

"There is no rush, Bella. I don't want you to feel as though it's an urgent thing. We can wait months, years even. If you changed your mind and decided not to go through with it I would live happily by your side for the rest of your human life."

I shuddered a little at the thought of an ancient Bella arm-in-arm with Edward's eternal youthful perfection. "No, I'm not going to change my mind. I guess I feel as though it's a logical time for change…leaving Washington, marrying you, being changed. Everything tied up nice and neat at once so we can _really_ start our lives together. No lingering to-do's on our list."

"Yes," he agreed.

"Edward, why do you look older than seventeen?"

He burst out laughing, throwing his head back. "You do ask the strangest questions sometimes. Out of left field, as the saying goes."

"Since I'm technically cradle-robbing, I think it's a perfectly reasonable question."

"You're hardly cradle-robbing, I'm over a hundred years old." I snorted and he laughed again. "I suppose it's a combination of things. People tended to grow up faster a century ago. In addition to that, the physical changes of becoming a vampire lend a certain maturity to your body. And finally, I _am _just over one hundred years old. As you said, I have seen and experienced many many things during that time. Experience ages a person."

"Can I ask another random question?"

"You can ask me anything you want," he chuckled.

"Will the sex be even better when we're _both _vampires?"

"Is this your way of telling me that I'm not satisfying you?" he smirked.

I smacked his chest, which of course did nothing except hurt my fingers. He picked up my hand and kissed it, his cool lips soothing the ache immediately. "Based on what I've been forced to endure over the decades, it would seem so. Emmett and Rosalie have done more property damage than you'd believe in their escapades. Jasper and Alice aren't quite as destructive but are equally enthusiastic. At least Carlisle and Esme are more discreet."

"It must be awkward, though, trying to enjoy it in a houseful of vampires with supersonic hearing."

He laughed and began toying with the ends of my hair. "You get used to it, believe it or not. Although I wouldn't be adverse to us having a house of our own, close enough to the family to visit, but out of hearing range."

"Agreed." I stretched against him, enjoying the feel of my muscles moving against his stone body. "So are we going to set a date or not?"

"Let's wait until we talk to Carlisle, love. We'll have to be settled wherever we'll be living, I can't change you here and then take a roadtrip across the country."

"Why not?"

"A car wouldn't contain you as a thirsty newborn," he said firmly.

"Oh." I silently resolved to ask Carlisle about more of the unpleasant details, I could tell Edward didn't enjoy discussing them with me. "Well then, let's set a date for the wedding."

"I haven't even proposed to you yet, impatient woman!"

I rested my hand over his heart. "I would marry you tomorrow, you know."

His expression changed immediately. "You don't know what it means to me to hear you say that."

I let my hand slip down his chest, coming to rest much lower on his body. "I think I do."

We made love right there on my cramped little couch, and somehow Edward managed to make even that wonderful. He sat back with me facing him, straddling his lap, his cool hands holding tight to my burning hips, his golden eyes scorching into my soul as I came, gasping his name.

***

The rest of the week passed uneventfully and surprisingly quickly. I went back to class the next day, recognizing that my regular routine of lectures and homework could only help time move faster. It also gave me something to think about other than the obsessive musings about vampires that monopolized my mind now.

Edward kept himself busy with a million different errands and preparations that apparently preceded each one of the Cullens' moves. At one point he asked for my birth certificate and I assumed it was for the marriage license, but he didn't explain and I didn't ask. The real estate agent hadn't yet found a home in Ithaca that fulfilled all the Cullens' requirements, and Edward's frustration over being unable to have that one element settled was obvious.

Each morning I dressed for the day in front of him, languidly pulling on matching panties and a bra from the enormous box of La Perla lingerie. Even I had to admit that the gorgeous underwear looked unbelievably sensual on my body, and the lust that darkened his eyes as he watched me confirmed it. Every night, he made good on his promise and peeled it off me, his lips caressing each inch of flesh as it was revealed. I never tired of watching his mouth move over my body. I couldn't get enough of him.

Friday was my free day with no classes, so Thursday night I quickly completed all the assignments that would be due Monday, wanting to enjoy my weekend with the Cullens. I packed a bag this time, and tucked my journal on top of the clothing. I felt a pang of guilt that I hadn't yet started writing in it, but I was waiting for something that I felt _needed_ to be recorded. In the meantime I carried it with me every day to class.

Early Friday morning we left for Forks, and with Edward's driving, we were there in half an hour. Esme greeted me with a hug and a kiss as the other Cullens gathered around.

"Rose and Emmett will be here in exactly two hours!" Alice sang, and Esme's eyes glowed.

"It will be so nice to have my entire family in one place again." She smiled fondly at me, obviously including me in that statement. I smiled back and realized that the Cullens would want to spend as much time with Rosalie and Emmett as possible, so I screwed up my courage and turned to face Carlisle. Edward squeezed my hand reassuringly.

"Carlisle, could I speak with you? I have some questions I'd like to ask."

"Of course, Bella," he replied immediately. "Let's go upstairs into my office, shall we?"

Carlisle in his office was a study in contrasts. Endless rows of books lined the walls, the rich leather gleaming softly in the mid-morning light. One whole wall was dedicated to a variety of paintings in heavy frames, and in the center of the room was a massive wooden desk. In the midst of it all stood the patriarch of the Cullen family, as beautiful as any of them, looking entirely too young to be comfortable in such a timeless setting. Only his kind calm face reflected the centuries he'd lived, and I was reminded of Edward's words about experience aging him. Physically, Carlisle looked no older than thirty, but there was a deep wisdom in his eyes that spoke louder than words.

He gestured for us both to sit in front of his desk, smiling. "What would you like to talk about, Bella?"

I took a deep breath, hoping I wouldn't forget any of the questions I'd resolved to ask him. "Edward told you that I've asked him to change me?" He nodded. "I guess my first question is how you feel about that?"

Carlisle appeared surprised for the briefest of moments. "I already consider you a daughter, Bella. You have brought the greatest joy to a man I consider my son, and I love you dearly for that."

"Yes, but…are you okay with him changing me? I ask because," I stopped for a moment, willing my nerves not to get the better of me. "Before, I'd been under the impression that a human had to be dying to become a vampire. Then Edward told me that it could happen at any time, but that you wouldn't ever do it to someone who had another choice, someone who could live. And so I just wanted to know how you felt about our decision."

Carlisle sat back in his chair a little, his expression thoughtful. "What Edward said is very true. Allow me to ask you this: do you feel you have any other choice than to be with Edward?"

"No," I responded immediately.

"But you do have the choice to be with him, without being changed. I know you recognize that."

His words were firm but his eyes were kind and I understood what he was trying to say.

"What I told him is that since I know being with him forever with him is an option, I can't imagine _not_ asking him for that. I can't imagine voluntarily choosing a finite lifetime, however long or short that may be, over eternity with him. I don't like to imagine him…what he would do…if I were to die." Edward shifted next to me but I pressed on. "I don't want this out of guilt or worry for him, though, I want it because I _do_ know what it would do to me if I lost him tomorrow. And the pain of that is not something I want either of us to endure, when we have another option available to us."

Carlisle was quiet for a moment. "Bella, I can tell how much you've thought about this, or as much as conscious thought would rule a decision like this. You will be the first in our family who chooses this life, and more so, chooses it out of love. I'm honored that you would chose my son, that you would chose our family. Your choice is giving us more than you realize. If you're asking for my blessing on your decision, you have it, unequivocally and wholeheartedly."

"Thank you," I whispered.

"You have other questions, though?"

"Yes."

"You can ask me anything." He smiled warmly at me again and in that moment I realized how much I already loved this man that would be my adopted father.

"The only thing is," I took a deep breath and turned to Edward. I'd been keeping this from him but I was firm in my resolve. "I don't want you to be here for this part."

Edward's face immediately reflected his shock. "Why?"

"Because I know you don't like thinking of some of the…technical details. There are things I want to ask that I know will hurt you to hear me talk about. And I don't want that."

"I can stay here and be strong for you, I owe you that at least, if I'm going to take your life," he said stubbornly.

"Please?" I asked quietly, and his expression wavered minutely.

"Edward, go," Carlisle interjected smoothly. "I understand what she's saying and she has a right to that privacy. Go hunt."

Edward stood slowly, unhappiness tight around his eyes and mouth. "I won't be gone long, love."

"Why are you worried?" I asked, hating the lines that stress etched across his perfect forehead.

"You should be able to ask me anything."

"I know I can. But I need you to do this for me, please?"

He sighed and bent to gently kiss my lips, then was gone. There was silence in the room for a moment.

"He wants to be everything for you, Bella, I'm sure you understand that. His need to protect you is almost overwhelming."

"I know." I took a deep breath. "But it goes both ways. I want to protect him too."

"Of course."

"I can see it in his eyes, whenever we've come close to certain topics…he wants to change me, we're in total agreement, but he hates the parts of it I want to ask you about."

Carlisle smiled ruefully and I was suddenly struck with the realization that he had known Edward for ninety-one years. Of course he would know him just as well, or better, than I. "If it were up to Edward, he would skip the three-day change and the first year or two to whisk you off to happily-ever-after. But he knows he can't and he hates that he still wants it anyway."

"Yes, that's exactly what I mean," I replied gratefully. "I don't want to romanticize this. I knew that you would be honest with me."

"Of course. And I'm very glad that you have approached me on this, Bella. It lightens my mind and heart to know you're going into this as well-informed as possible."

"Well then," I sucked in a deep breath. "Why don't you tell me the nitty-gritty details?"

He eyed me thoughtfully. "Edward has told you the mechanics?"

"Yes."

"I don't know if he glossed over the actual change, but it is excruciatingly painful, Bella. More so than words can describe. Even Esme, who was the closest to death when she was changed, clearly remembers the pain. I will do everything medically I can for you, though…things I didn't have the time to do for the others. There is morphine, other options I'll have to think about."

"Okay."

"And then at the end of it, you die, Bella. You _die_. That is one thing that you may not be prepared for, psychologically. Your human life will be over."

I could feel my palms becoming sweaty, but at the same time his honesty made me feel lighter. "I guess that's something I'll just have to accept that I can't prepare for. I mean, I'm human. I know I'm going to die. But who is ever really truly prepared for it?"

"Yes," he sighed. "After the change is complete, most vampires experience a year or two of unbridled bloodlust and violent emotions. We call them newborns. They are motivated purely by blood generally, and human blood specifically. It is an instinct which overrules all others. A newborn would thoughtlessly slaughter and drain their entire human family, their own mother and father, just to satisfy the burn that never goes away."

I shuddered. "Is it always like that for everyone?"

He paused for a moment, cocking his head as if listening for something. "No. Just as humans are unique, newborns are as well. I suppose it may be linked to the amount of self-control they regularly exercised as humans, as well as the circumstances of their change. You, of course, will have us to support you at every moment."

"Have you ever known anyone who skipped it altogether?" I felt as though there was something he was stepping around, not lying exactly, but avoiding the topic nevertheless.

His deep topaz eyes fixed on mine. "Yes."

Something in his gaze said more to me in that moment than any words ever could.

"Bella, this is something I haven't discussed with anyone else, primarily because until Edward met you, it was irrelevant. I've lived for centuries, there are many events and memories which I haven't yet shared with the others, simply because they haven't been significant. From the moment that Edward's world shifted to include you in our family, I knew that I had to keep this from him. What I am about to tell you may have been an aberration, but I want to share it with you. I know that you are learning to shield your thoughts from him, and I ask that you genuinely try to do that with what I'm about to tell you."

A tiny part of me rebelled against the idea of keeping anything from Edward, but Carlisle's expression and soft words made me realize it was utterly essential this once. "All right."

"Has Edward told you about the time I spent in Italy with the Volturi?"

I shook my head at the unfamiliar name.

"They are, for all intents and purposes, the enforcers of the rules of our kind. You can think of them either as royalty or as a governing body. I lived with them for some time, but that story will have to wait for another day, when we aren't pressed for time.

"While I was with them, there was a member of their guard named Cesare. Although fraternization with local humans was not encouraged, he met and fell deeply in love with a local girl named Annata. She came to return his love, and he shared with her the nature of his being. Normally such a thing is strictly forbidden by the Volturi, but in return for Cesare's many years of devoted service in the guard, the Volturi granted him permission to tell Annata the complete truth about our kind, and to offer her immortality as well. Of course, it was on the condition that they both be immediately destroyed if she refused." Carlisle's smile was wry. "She is the only human I know of who willingly and with forethought chose our way of life, out of love."

"Oh," I breathed. "What happened?"

"She chose him, and he changed her. They were still in Volterra when I left, although Cesare had left the guard by that time to be with his mate. They were very happy, from what I understood."

"That's wonderful. Why don't you want Edward to know that story?"

Carlisle reclined back in his chair, although his expression did not relax. "Annata is not just the only other human I know who willingly made the decision that you now face. She is also the only one I know who, for all intents and purposes, passed over the newborn frenzy. When she awoke from the change she was, by definition, a newborn. Her eyes were red, her strength and speed were unparalleled except by much older vampires. But the uncontrollable bloodlust, the mania of unmanageable emotions and actions, they were almost completely absent. As long as Cesare was with her, she was able to exercise the most astonishing self-control. They followed a traditional vampire diet, of course, but she hunted with restraint and discipline. It was remarkable. She looked to him as the axis on which her world turned, as though she were bound to him by gravity. A single touch or word from him and she calmed immediately. It was as though her love for him was her singular purpose in a frightening new life, it grounded her and gave her strength. She willingly approached her new life with that love and it only intensified after her change."

My mind was whirling. "But still…why wouldn't you want Edward to know this?"

"I don't want to unfairly raise his expectations, Bella," he replied gently. "Those two unique factors about Annata may have been completely unrelated, as unlikely as that may be. I don't want Edward to ever count _too_ much on your love for each other. As strong as the bonds of mated vampires are, newborn instincts are equally strong. Should you have a 'normal' newborn stage, he will have to be on his guard at all times, aware of you day and night. None of us want you to suffer the guilt of taking a human life if you are overpowered by the very instincts you will be naturally born with. I didn't tell you this to give you a false sense of security, Bella, your first few years will be difficult no matter what. There is nothing I can tell you that will truly prepare you for it."

"What does it feel like…to crave blood so much?"

"We crave it as nourishment, just as you crave food when you are hungry. The only difference is that vampires crave it all the time, to differing degrees of course."

"Will hunting be hard for me to learn?"

"No, you will follow your instincts. And we will be there to help you, of course."

"Will I able to see my mother again?"

"In time, but probably not right away. We will do our best to keep you away from all humans at first, as a precautionary measure. The difference in your appearance will be subtle, but noticeable. And remember that you will cease to age."

"Edward and I talked about this…we're going to make a trip to go see her, beforehand. Then I'll just tell her I'm doing an exchange program overseas or something. She won't think to question it…we used to be close, but ever since I moved to Forks, we've drifted apart. We figured we would just leave town, I told my boss I was moving to Alaska but there's no one else that will probably even notice I'm gone."

"No one?" His gaze was unwavering.

"The Quileutes…"

"Yes, Edward has told me of your relationship with them. I cannot tell you what to do, Bella, but believe me when I tell you that it would be disastrous for all concerned if they were to discover your plans."

"Edward said I shouldn't even see them in person again, even to say goodbye."

"He's probably right. If they are unaware of your current relationship with us, it would be best to keep it that way."

"But how would they know?"

He hesitated. "The Quileutes have an unusual genetic quirk, although I think it must skip multiple generations. When we were here before, they easily sensed who and what we were. They would know you had been around us just by the scent."

"The _scent_?"

"Yet another long story that we'll tell you when we're not so pressed for time," he promised. "Is there anything else you'd like to discuss before Edward returns?"

"How will I be different? Will I still recognize all of you? Will I still know Edward?" My greatest fear about the entire situation, finally voiced.

"You will be different, but you will still be you. Your most recent human memories will be the clearest, but all of them fade with time. You will know us, and you will certainly still know Edward. Immediately after you wake up, you may be confused and disoriented, but we will all be there. And we will help you remember, Bella. You are giving your precious life to us, it is the least we can do to help you remember and cherish everything beautiful about the human you are now." He cocked his head again, listening. "Edward is coming back."

"Thank you, Carlisle."

He came around from his desk and kissed my forehead. "Thank _you_, Bella. My newest daughter."

Edward knocked lightly on the door and then entered right away, his eyes going immediately to my face and the arm Carlisle had clasped affectionately around me. "Is everything okay?"

"Everything is perfect." I went immediately to him, lowering my eyes as a precaution, and kissed his lips. The shadows under his eyes were lighter, as were his topaz eyes, and there was the faintest flush on his alabaster skin. He was beautiful.

"There are still a few things we'll need to discuss at some point," came Carlisle's voice from behind me. "I told Bella that I will do everything medically in my power to ease her change. I'd like to discuss a few options with you, Edward."

"Yes." Edward's face relaxed. "We still don't have a house to go to, though."

"We could always go to one of our other homes, we don't even have to stay in the country."

They fell to discussing that possibility as we descended the staircase and went into the living room. I looked around briefly for my bag, but it had disappeared.

"Esme took it up to my room, love," Edward interrupted his conversation with Carlisle to speak to me, then immediately turned back to resume it. I blinked, surprised that he'd picked so solid a thought out of my head, while looking away and talking to someone else, no less. As I climbed the stairs to the third floor I wondered if the constant contact and closer proximity to me had strengthened Edward's ability to read my mind.

Edward's room…_our_ room, was just as we'd left it the weekend before. I looked at the wide bed and smiled, allowing my mind to run over the memories. How could it have only been one week? My bag was sitting at the end of the bed and I quickly rummaged through it.

One of the few possessions of Charlie's that I'd kept was a Meisterstück Montblanc pen. It had been awarded to him as a token of appreciation from the good people of Forks for his many years in service, just five months before his death. As far as I knew, he'd never used it, and while cleaning out the house before its sale, I'd found the pen stuck in a kitchen drawer. It wasn't a surprise, really, Charlie wasn't much of a writer and he certainly wouldn't have used a gold-nib fountain pen to scratch out speeding tickets.

I'd barely used it either, thinking that I would have to wait for a journal or stationery special enough to be worthy of that pen. I'd found that in my journal, Edward's gift to me.

Journal and pen in hand, I went back downstairs and seated myself at a pretty French writing desk in the living room, opening the journal to the first page and uncapping the pen. Edward looked up and smiled at me, I knew he'd been wondering why I hadn't written in the journal, and I'd simply told him I was waiting for inspiration.

Carefully, not wanting to ruin the beauty of the heavy cream-colored paper with my normal scrawl, I simply wrote "Gravity" across the top. Then I closed my eyes, remembering that old movie about children with glowing eyes who could read minds, and the hero who blocked them out by thinking about a brick wall. Instead of a brick wall I imagined a glass wall surrounding my mind. I could see through it, but there was no sound from the other side. I sat for a moment more, letting the image sink deeper into my mind, before I put pen to paper and wrote out every detail I could remember Carlisle telling me about Cesare and Annata. It was a story I wanted to make sure I remembered.

As soon as I had capped the pen and closed the journal, I felt Edward's cool hand sweep my hair aside and his lips press to the back of my neck. "Where did you go?" he whispered, close to my ear.

I turned to him and smiled, my mind now open to him. "What do you mean?"

Relief crossed his face but there was confusion there too. "While you were sitting here, suddenly I just…stopped hearing you. There was nothing. If it hadn't been for the fact that I could see you writing and hear your heartbeat, I would have panicked."

"Maybe I didn't want you to know what I was thinking about," I teased, and he blinked, surprised.

"You did that on _purpose_?"

"I guess so."

"I didn't like it."

I laughed and stood. "You will have to get used to the fact that there will be some things I want to keep private, Edward." Secretly, I was pleased that my little mental experiment had worked so well, I'd have to practice it again.

"No, I don't mean that…of course you are entitled to privacy in your own mind, and I respect that. But I couldn't hear or feel _anything_ from you, Bella. No thoughts, no emotions, nothing."

"Fascinating," I heard Carlisle murmur from across the room, and we both turned to face him. "Bella, while you were sitting there, were you consciously trying to block Edward out?"

I blushed. "Yes."

"And then, just now, you deliberately allowed him back in?"

"I guess so, yes."

"Amazing, that you already have that kind of control." Carlisle's eyes were gleaming with the excitement of a new discovery. "We really must have you meet Eleazar as soon as possible…one of our friends in Denali. He's able to more clearly sense and define extrasensory gifts than any of us. I will be very interested to see what he thinks about this. And after your change, hmm…" He thought for a moment. "Can you do it again?"

Edward growled slightly beside me and I poked him. "Yes, just give me a minute."

"Of course," Carlisle replied immediately, leading me over to the enormous white sofa. Esme, Alice and Jasper sat down around me as well, making me feel like a bug under a microscope. Of course Edward immediately picked up on that thought and scowled. "She isn't a science experiment, Carlisle."

"No of course not, I apologize, Bella. You don't have to do any of this if you're uncomfortable."

"No, it's okay, I just," I laughed nervously. "I'm not used to being the center of attention. But now I'm curious too."

"All right then. Edward, can you feel and hear her now?"

"Yes."

"Bella…"

I shut my eyes, trying to quiet the butterflies in my stomach. In my mind I could see the thick glass wall slowly settling into place. I licked my lips and tried to picture it more clearly. I tried to see the slight distortion in the clear barrier from it being so thick. I tried to imagine the muffled silence that came from being encased in it, like swimming down to the bottom of the deep end of a pool.

Edward stiffened beside me and I knew immediately that it was working.

"Jasper?" I heard Carlisle say softly, and then after a moment he addressed me. "Bella, do you feel any different?"

"No," I said slowly, opening my eyes. "But my head is starting to hurt from concentrating so hard." Maybe I could convince Alice to skip the makeover she had planned and I could practice this instead, surely it would only get easier.

Jasper chuckled. "I was throwing enough calm at you that you should be passed out on the floor right now. I guess you're blocking me out too."

"Alice, can you still see her future?"

"Yes," she said promptly.

"Carlisle…" Edward's voice was thick with the strain, and I reacted immediately to his distress. I concentrated harder, imagining the glass wall melting and shimmering away, and to my surprise it was easier than erecting it. The wall was gone and Edward's arms went around me as I slumped against him.

"That was…" Carlisle began, only to be interrupted by Alice.

"Oh DAMN!"

We all stared at her and she scowled at me. "I really wanted to do that makeover, Bella. Not that there's anything wrong with the way you look, but I was hoping to…"

"Alice, wait!" Carlisle commanded. "Did her future change just now?"

"Yes." She wrinkled her nose at me. "We were going to have some girl time this afternoon and apparently she's going to work on _this_ with Edward instead."

Carlisle's eyes flickered back to me. "Bella, did you make that decision while you were shielding your mind?"

"Yes." My temples were beginning to throb and I leaned my head against Edward's shoulder.

"And Alice, did you only see her future _after_ she stopped?"

Alice nodded, her eyes suddenly going wide.

"Absolutely unbelievable," Carlisle said quietly. "I can't believe it."

"Believe what?" I was so suddenly so tired that the thought of falling asleep against Edward's stone shoulder was appealing.

"Bella, you seem to have some kind of ability to consciously block _everything_ away from your mind. Edward's reading, of course, but also Jasper's ability to manipulate your emotions. And Alice was unable to see the changes you'd made in your future until you let your guard back down again, she couldn't see them in real-time. I've never heard of anything like this."

I yawned. "I'm glad I gave you something to ponder."

"More than you know." Carlisle sat back in his chair, his eyes thoughtful. Edward's arms tightened around me as I yawned again and Esme clucked in disapproval.

"She's exhausted. Enough experimenting on Bella for the day."

"I think a short nap might be in order," Edward agreed immediately. "I'm taking her upstairs." He went to pick me up but I shook my head and stood slowly.

"I'm okay, just worn out."

"Let me go with you," he insisted. I trudged up the stairs to the third floor, another yawn cracking my jaw.

"Why am I so tired all of a sudden?"

He exhaled slowly. "You apparently expended an enormous amount of mental energy keeping three very talented vampires out of your head. I'm surprised you didn't keel over downstairs."

We reached his room and I climbed onto the bed, flopping down without bothering to turn down the covers. Edward was immediately behind me, and my last thought before falling asleep was of the feeling of security as his cool arms slipped around me.

* * *

A/N: Okay, a long note from me this time, but it's all pertinent, I swear!

The movie that Bella remembers with the mind-reading children is "Village of the Damned."

I know there's been much discussion about why Jasper's abilities do affect Bella in the books, including Stephenie Meyer's explanation, but I've just never bought it. Jasper's talent supposedly affected mood, and I strongly believe that your mood and emotions originate from your mind. If his gift was strictly manipulating _physical responses_ (e.g. heart rate, chemical balances), then I could definitely see him being able to affect Bella, but not her mood/emotions, which is how it was always referred to in the books. You could certainly argue that he actually _is_ affecting physical response and that it's simply translated then as "mood" or "emotion," but I don't see it that way, especially since he affects vampires and humans equally, despite their very different physiologies. I think I explained why Bella's gift might poke holes in Alice's vision: she can't see any decisions that Bella makes while shielding her mind.

These are just my theories in my story, I'm not saying anyone has to agree with them, but that's how they're playing out in my universe!

Finally, the fabulous Joba Rules gave me a wonderful idea for an outtake one-shot…how about Edward's point of view from one of his early nights out on Bella's balcony? Not sure when I'll get that done, probably around the holidays since I'm not sure how much writing I'll get done around then. If you have another suggestion for a o/s outtake, let me know!

And finally, THANK YOU for all your wonderful comments, especially to those of you who take the time to ask questions or ponder what's coming next. It gets my fingers typing!

ETA: Okay, just a little bit more! I have a new super-fab beta, Stratan, who has started a Twilighted thread on this story! Come check it out at www (dot) twilighted (dot) net/forum/viewtopic (dot) php?f=33&t=7736 (Friendly-linkable is on my profile)


	9. Chapter 9

_I normally don't like putting a note at the beginning of a chapter because I like to get down to the goods as much as the next gal. But I absolutely had to this time to give a big THANK YOU to my new beta, Stratan! For any of you who have wondered if I get paid by the comma, he's setting me straight. So many hugs and mad props, I'm super-excited about this collaboration! _

* * *

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and its characters. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Chapter Nine**

When I awoke sometime later, Edward was still next to me, but I now lay flat on my back and he was stretched out on his side, his head propped up on one hand and the other rested gently on my stomach. He smiled when he saw me slowly blinking awake.

"How was your nap?"

I yawned widely. "Wonderful, I feel great. How long was I out?"

"Just under an hour and a half. Emmett and Rosalie arrived right after you fell asleep."

"Oh… you didn't have to stay up here, then. You could have gone and spent time with them."

"Believe me, I much preferred staying up here with you. There was… _drama_ when Alice slipped about me changing you."

"What kind of drama?" I inquired curiously.

"Emmett was thrilled, Rosalie was not."

I raised my eyebrows, surprised. I remembered Emmett from school because it was impossible not to… he was absolutely enormous, thickly wrapped with muscle. The intimidation of his size was belied only by his deep dimples and constant grin. Rosalie, on the other hand, had appeared to be the very stereotype of an ice queen: blonde, beautiful, unapproachable, and utterly unimpressed by everyone and everything at Forks High. "So, what happened?"

Edward sighed and began rubbing his hand back and forth on my stomach. "Well, they knew you were here right away by the scent, of course. Emmett made a joke about me finally getting you into my bed, and Alice took the opportunity to share everything up to this point. Rosalie had a temper tantrum."

I frowned, mildly irritated. I didn't know Rosalie at all and had never exchanged a single word with her. "Why doesn't she like me?"

He raked a hand through his tousled hair. "It's not that she doesn't like _you_, love. You remember what I told you about how our personalities are generally frozen at the time of our change? Rosalie was changed immediately after a horrifyingly traumatic event, and her confusion, bitterness, and distrust of strangers is still very much a part of her character. On top of all that, she was something of a spoiled brat in life."

"Charming," I muttered.

"She's prickly, but she grows on you after a few decades. Anyway, in addition to you being a virtual stranger to her, she is very opposed to the idea of you being changed into a vampire, nothing more. It's nothing personal."

"It's personal if it's causing _drama_ in the Cullen household," I objected, sitting up slowly.

"She'll come around eventually."

Irritation flared in me again. "I don't really have any interest in waiting for her to 'come around,' Edward. I haven't done anything to her and I'm not going to tiptoe around, waiting for her to decide if she likes me or not. Whether I'm changed or not is not up for debate, and definitely not dependent on her approval."

"You're grumpy when you first wake up," he observed mildly.

"Only when I wake up to hear my future sister-in-law had a 'temper tantrum' over my very presence."

Edward took a deep breath and stood, reaching out a hand to help me up. "Emmett can't wait to say hello, if it's any consolation."

I ran my hands through my hair and then stretched. "Let me run and use the bathroom, then I'll meet you downstairs?"

"All right, love." He pecked a kiss on my cheek and left the bedroom as I headed into the attached bathroom. Luckily my light makeup hadn't budged during my nap, and my hair hadn't suffered too badly either. Of course, next to the golden goddess that was Rosalie, how I looked was a non-issue.

I descended the staircase into the enormous living room to find Jasper and Emmett furiously engaged in a video game, Edward sprawled nearby on a chair, and Esme sitting quietly, watching her sons. I thought she looked a little sad.

"Hi Emmett," I offered tentatively, not sure if he would respond the same way as the Quileute guys when someone interrupted one of their video games. In a blur of motion too fast for me to track, Emmett flipped his controller at Edward, who snatched it in mid-air and continued the game without pause. Emmett crossed the floor to me in three huge strides and threw his big arms around me, lifting me up and swinging me around. My head was thrown back by the centrifugal force alone.

"Hey little sis! Do you know how long we've had to wait to call you that? Man, we had to wait _forever_ for you. Good to know Eddie finally grew a pair." He set me back on the floor and wrapped an arm around my shoulder, pulling me over to the couch. "So give us the scoop, Bella. Is my little bro keeping the human satisfied?"

"Shut up, Emmett," Edward replied crossly, but Jasper smirked at me, apparently picking up on my emotions better than Edward at the moment.

"Well sure, Emmett, what do you want to know?"

He looked surprised for a moment, and then grinned mischievously, evidently not expecting my calm response. "Does he leave you with a big smile on your face every night?"

"_Emmett!_" Esme hissed.

"Yep, a smile _this big_." I held my palms about eight inches apart, then moved them further away from each other. "Hmm, actually, more like _this _big."

Emmett's eyes literally almost bulged out of his head and Jasper burst out laughing. Edward shook his head, suppressing a smirk, while Esme murmured something and made a hasty exit.

"Have you guys wrecked any houses yet?" Emmett was on a mission for the dirty details, evidently.

"Of course," I scoffed. "Well, I'm in an apartment so we have neighbors and a security deposit to worry about, but I guess he didn't have time to fill you in on the busted glass door incident."

Emmett chortled in delight. "I had no idea you were going to be this much fun, Bella. Edward's always had such a stick up his butt, he won't tell me _anything_."

"_Please_, Emmett. I lived on the rez with a teenage boy and his disgusting**,** dirty-minded teenage friends for six months. It takes a lot to shock me. But before you start the inquisition, my sex life is none of your damn business, and I can dish it out just as well as I can take it, got it?"

Emmett was now staring at me as though he'd come face-to-face with the reincarnation of Elvis himself. "And to think, all that time we had no idea you were such a badass, Bella. As a human, no less. So uh, when is Eddie changing you?"

"In a couple of months, and then from what I understand I'll be able to beat _your_ ass. Keep that in mind."

"Bring it on," he replied airily. "I'm holding you to that challenge, deal?" He held out one enormous paw and I stuck my own tiny hand in his, shaking it firmly.

"So now that I've, ahem, re-made your acquaintance, Emmett, where is your wife?"

Emmett reached over to snatch his game controller back from Edward. "She's out in the garage, but you might want to give her a little time."

"What's she doing?"

"Rebuilding the engine in your truck, I think."

"Already?" I lifted my eyebrows. "She can't be that mad at me, then." I turned to head out the back but Edward was beside me in a flash.

"Love, why don't you wait just a while…"

I smiled at him. "She's already working on my truck. She can't be _that_ pissed at me or she'd be rolling it up into little balls of scrap metal instead."

"True!" Emmett agreed from the couch. Edward frowned.

"Edward, what is the worst she's going to do to me? Yell at me? Ignore me? I don't think she's going to snap my neck or punt me across the river. Just let me go and do this on my own, okay? It sounds like she's already off on the wrong foot about me, and I'm the only one that gets to try and fix that." I stood on my tiptoes and kissed him. "Besides, you can come rescue me if she _does_ try to punt me across the river, okay?"

He sighed. "You're too independent for your own good, you know that?"

"I know, that's what you love about me!" I blew him another kiss before I turned, grabbed my coat, and made my way out the back of the house, towards the garage. Loud metallic banging noises were coming from within, and for a moment my steps faltered before I tipped my chin up and went inside.

Clad in a pair of filthy mechanic's overalls, golden hair tied back, and smudges of grime on her porcelain face, Rosalie was still breathtakingly gorgeous. She was indeed rummaging around under the hood of my truck, pulling out and examining various parts before tossing them into one pile or another. She ignored my entrance.

"Hi Rosalie." I didn't bother trying to sound overly confident and she turned slowly to me. "I don't know if you remember me from school, but I'm Bella Swan. We've never officially met."

She quirked a perfect eyebrow. "How very mannerly of you, Bella. I know who you are." She stuck out one grease-covered hand.

I took it without hesitation and she squeezed it hard, and then let it drop before turning back to my disemboweled truck. Jacob's main hobby had been rebuilding cars. I was very comfortable in a garage and knew exactly when to be helpful and when to stay the hell out of the way. I had a feeling that now was a time to stay the hell out of the way, so I grabbed a clean rag from a stack on the workbench and sat down on a low wooden crate a few feet distant, scrubbing at my hand.

"Thank you for working on my truck, I really appreciate it. I think Edward would like to have an excuse to junk it and get me something new, but I'm pretty attached to it."

She snorted. "Somehow I'm not surprised. For someone who loves cars as much as he does, he doesn't have an appreciation for the classics."

I wrapped my arms around my knees and rested my chin on them. "Well, plus my dad bought it for me. It was my welcome-to-Forks present when I moved here to live with him. So it's got sentimental value too."

Rosalie pulled another rusted part from under the hood and eyed it in disgust before tossing it into what I assumed was the reject pile. "Who the hell was doing your maintenance for you?"

"My friend Jacob. But he hasn't seen it for months."

She grunted. "I think I'm just going to start from scratch under the hood, if it's okay with you. There are a few original parts I can salvage, but not many."

"Whatever you think is best. Where did you learn all this, anyway?"

She threw a brief look at me back over her shoulder. "Self-taught for the most part, but I've worked with people here and there that shared a lot with me. I like to tinker and I was interested in cars even back when I was human. Not that I got to play around with them then, but I enjoy it now. You can tear a car to pieces, down to the frame, put it back together, and it works. That's more than you can say for humans."

There was an underlying meaning to her comment and I knew it, but I let it go. "Have you ever taken apart one of your brother's cars for being a jerk?"

An unexpected snort of laughter came from under the hood of the truck. "Did Edward tell you about that?"

I laughed too. "No, just a lucky guess. Seems like a good prank to pull, though."

"Oh yeah," she turned to face me as she chucked another part onto the pile, a sly grin on her face. "I did it as a favor for Emmett really**.** Edward pissed him off about something. It was back in the eighties, Edward had a DeLorean DMC-12…"

"A _DeLorean_? Like, the 'Back to the Future' car?"

"Yeah, I know, it was pathetic. Well, they were novelty cars even back then, so of course Edward had to have one. Anyway, I dismantled it one night. It didn't take very long since those things are all just panels on the outside anyway. I left it in a neat pile in his parking spot in the garage. It was pretty hilarious. Now 'Back to the Future' is the only movie Edward won't have in the house, it pisses him off to be reminded of it."

I couldn't help it, I doubled over giggling, wondering what his reaction would be if I brought it up. "Remind me not to get on your bad side, Rosalie."

"Yeah, well…" The moment was over too soon and silence descended over us again. I settled down more securely on the wooden crate, content for the moment to just be quiet. Being in a working garage again made me ache for Jake sharply. I suddenly missed sitting in the modified garage he'd cobbled together behind their little shoebox house, listening to the rain patter against the sheet metal roof, drinking warm soda and just enjoying the easy comfort of our friendship. How simple and uncomplicated life had been there; it was no wonder I'd wrapped myself up in the Quileutes' companionship. It was easy to escape from the pain of missing Charlie there, whereas there were always sympathetic glances and pats wherever I went into Forks. Passing hours doing homework while Jake tinkered with whatever engine he'd dragged out of a junkyard was a safer cocoon than the real world.

Rosalie huffed as she finished her demolition work under the hood, scrubbed her hands on a rag tucked into her bib pocket, and then peered into the cab. "Anything you want replaced in there? Edward wants me to put in airbags and better seatbelts."

"And ruin the last bit of character it has left? No thanks. It's not like it goes fast enough to _need_ airbags if I'm ever in an accident."

"You're not a vampire _yet_, Bella," she said acidly. "Don't get cocky about being indestructible."

There it was, the gauntlet was thrown, and I was determined to face it head-on, but to keep my temper in check. Something told me that a fight with Rosalie wasn't going to get either of us anywhere.

"So do you want to tell me exactly what it is about that particular topic you're mad about?"

She turned to me slowly, warily, her golden eyes narrowed only slightly. I had the feeling she was trying to keep her temper under control too. "It's nothing against you personally, Bella. I know you make Edward very happy. I know you two are in love, and believe it or not, that makes _me_ happy. I love my family very much. I may come off as a total bitch all the time, but I really do care about them."

"Okay." I decided to just let her talk and get it out of her system.

"But you don't want this life. You don't have any idea what it's like. It _isn't_ a life. You have everything in front of you now, a whole wide world waiting for you, and you're _choosing_ to die? Why in the hell would you want that?"

"I guess I have two questions for you, Rosalie. The first: do you consider yourself as _dead_?"

"That's a stupid question," she snapped. "Of course I'm dead."

"That's not what I mean. Do you think of yourself as dead? A corpse stumbling mindlessly around? Can't you think of yourself as a different kind of being instead? Are you telling me that a dead thing can love? Or can rebuild cars?"

This time her golden eyes did narrow at me. "Are we splitting hairs on technicalities?"

"No, and I didn't come out here to fight with you. I'm just trying to make you understand… I _know_ I'm going to die, in the clinical sense of the word, but I'm doing it willingly to go on to something else. Some people think there's a spirit world after you leave this one, some people think we're reincarnated as other creatures. Can't you think of being a vampire as just another plane of being? As another creature walking this earth?"

"I can understand what you're trying to say, yes."

"But you don't agree."

"Of course I don't," she spat. "Do you _know_ what you're giving up to become this 'otherworldly being,' or whatever it is you've convinced yourself of?"

"You tell me," I said quietly, recognizing now that she was talking about herself, not me.

"Where do you want me to start? A family, for one! A normal family, with a living husband and children and grandchildren! Friends and family that age with you and experience the joy of your life with you! Not having to fake and lie all the time; pretending to be something you're not! Sleeping, Jesus Christ what I wouldn't give to be able to _sleep_ again. And to just be _normal_ instead of some undead _freak_…" With that she flung the socket wrench in her hand so hard that it actually stuck into the garage wall for a moment before clanging to the concrete floor. At least she hadn't thrown it at me.

"Are you that unhappy, Rosalie?"

"You're missing the point. I'm _already here_. I'm in this life**.** I don't have a choice. I try to make the best of it I can. I was fortunate enough to meet Emmett, and if I didn't have him**,** I'd have gone insane a long time ago. But you _have_ a choice, Bella! Don't choose this!"

"Okay, well let me ask you a total of three questions, then, with this being number two now. Why are you so concerned about me? Not to say I don't appreciate it, but why do you care?"

She glared at me. "I told you, it's nothing personal. I'd say the same thing to anyone sitting in your place."

"Gee, thanks," I muttered sarcastically, before reminding myself of my resolution to not lose my temper. "Okay fine, question number three, then. You said I have everything in front of me, a whole life to live, as a human, but there _is_ no life for me without Edward. You can't tell me that you could imagine losing Emmett now, and you just said you'd have gone insane a long time ago if you hadn't found him. Do you understand that I feel the same way about Edward?"

She exhaled slowly, through her teeth. "Of course. But you don't have to be changed to also have him. You could have the best of both worlds."

And there it was. Suddenly I realized, although I recognized that verbalizing it aloud would be a very bad idea, that Rosalie was jealous. I _could _have the two worlds she longed for so desperately: one with the love of her life, and one with the joys of humanity.

"There isn't anything in the human world I want badly enough to stay in it, Rose." For the first time, I used the affectionate nickname of her family, but she didn't flinch. "My father is dead, my mother is still alive but off in her own little world without me. I'm apparently not allowed to associate with the people who were once my best friends. What exactly should I stick around here for, for lack of a better term?"

Her rigid stance didn't relax for an instant, but the briefest flash of pain went through her eyes. "What about children?"

I steeled myself. This was a sore point with me, one that Renee and even some of the well-meaning Quileute mothers had jammed down my throat until I was almost hostile about the whole subject. "I don't _want_ to have children, Rosalie. I never have."

She blinked slowly, disbelief clear on her perfect features. "How could you not want children?"

I shrugged, tamping down the irritation that was my automatic response to the topic. "Either you want them or you don't. I don't. I never have. I don't want to be pregnant, I don't want anything to do with the whole thing."

"You're too young to know what you really want," she said coldly.

"Are you saying I should go ahead and have them, only to find out I was right all along?"

"No, but it would be different when you finally had your own baby in your arms." Her lips trembled the tiniest bit, longing plain on her face now. "You don't know what it's like until you experience that."

"Neither do you," I replied quietly.

She flinched as if I had slapped her. "At least you still have the option."

"Rosalie, I don't _want_ the option. I hear what you're saying, but you have to understand… I'm not _you_. Not being able to have children would _not_ be a loss for me!"

Anger was growing in her face and part of me realized that it was like a conversation with a friend who'd just been informed she could never have the children she so desperately wanted. There was nothing I would ever be able to say that would make her understand that I was perfectly fine with the idea of never being able to bear a child of my own. Somewhere, far down deep inside of me, I was actually relieved at the idea that being a vampire meant I wouldn't even have to worry about the possibility.

"How can you be so… _casual_ about it? You don't know! You don't know what it's like to want something so badly, and to know _you can't have it_. And not because it's your fault, but because of something out of your control! You sit there with all the options in the world open to you and you want to throw it away? And then you have the nerve to _tell_ me that you don't _want _those options?" She was trembling with fury at this point, and I briefly hoped that somewhere Alice was psychically eavesdropping on this conversation and would send someone in to intervene before Rosalie _did_ throw a socket wrench through my skull.

"You don't know what it's like for _me_, Rose. You don't know what it's like to _not_ want something, and to be relieved that you have the option of eliminating the fear and worry and dread about it. I'm not you! I don't want what you want! I've thought about it for the whole big week that I've been with your brother, and the more I think about it, the more I realize this _is_ the only life for me! You can tell yourself that I'm young and naïve and that I don't know what I want… but I _do_! And just because it's not the same as what _you_ want doesn't make it wrong!"

There was another long silence before Rosalie's hand contracted involuntarily against the driver's side door of my truck, the squeal of protesting metal leaving a sizeable dent. She shut her eyes and went still except for the trembling that still ran through her, and I decided at that point to keep my mouth shut and wait.

"I don't understand you," she said finally, quietly, ice still in her voice.

"That's okay, because I don't understand you either. We can agree to disagree."

Her beautiful eyes opened slowly, focusing hard on me. "I will never be okay with your decision, you have to know that."

"That's okay, I wasn't planning on asking you to be."

She turned and looked at the hand-sized dent in the truck's door and hissed out a long sigh. "I'll fix that too."

I laughed nervously. "It gives it character."

Rosalie's jaw clenched and unclenched, a subtle nervous reaction that took me by surprise. "Bella...what I said earlier, about it not being personal… it's not. I don't want you to think it's _you_ I object to. Even though Emmett and I haven't been around for the past year, I saw some of what Edward was going through, fighting himself to become the man he needed to be for you. So even though I have nothing against you personally, I don't want you to think that I don't appreciate you otherwise, and what you've done for Edward. He's a pain in my ass most of the time, but he's my brother and I love him."

I chose silence again, sensing that Rosalie responded better to quiet encouragement rather than babbling reassurances.

"I know that you're going to be my sister, that you're going to be a member of my family soon. And… I'm glad for that. There's just so much, so much history that makes me who I am, and I can't change that to make your transition easier. Can you understand that?"

"Yes."

"I'm not always the easiest person to talk to." Her words were coming painfully now, and I could see the effort she was making to force them out. "I'm never going to be like Alice or Esme. I'm just me. I'm always going to be, for better and for worse, and I can't pretend to be otherwise. I'm not going to pretend I like the idea of Edward changing you, and I can't pretend to understand your preferences when they're just so…" She stopped and struggled for a moment, "Completely contrary to everything I believe. I won't lie to you and say you and I will be the best of friends all the time. But I accept you, and although that may not sound like much, it's all I can give you, and it's a lot for me."

I clamped my lips together hard, thinking carefully before speaking again. I didn't want to thank her, because I knew it wasn't what she wanted. I didn't want to express hope that she'd change her mind, because I knew she wouldn't and I also knew firsthand how infuriating it was to have others _hope_ you'd change your mind, when you _knew_ you wouldn't. Instead, I opted for the safest, most neutral peace offering I could think of.

"Can I tell you why I'll probably be out here a lot, hanging out while you're working on my truck?"

She shook her head a little in surprise, the reaction remarkably human. "Sure."

"It reminds me of…a happy time. It will remind me of being human when I'm not. Part of my life that kept me sane when I probably should have gone bonkers. Is that okay?"

She finally smiled again, just a tiny quirking of her lips, but it was enough. "Are you telling me this how we'll do our girl-bonding?"

I coughed out the driest of laughs. "Yeah, I guess it will."

***

I stayed out in the garage with Rosalie for another hour, watching as she sifted through the piles of rejected and potential engine pieces, grumbling to herself about replacement parts and suppliers, then falling completely silent as she began a minute inspection of the parts she hoped to salvage. I made a mental note to bring my journal out next time I planned to hang out with her, maybe along with a more comfortable camp chair. My butt was numb by the time Edward came into the garage and asked me to come inside for a late lunch. I was surprised at the time, because I wasn't even remotely hungry.

After I'd eaten, Edward led me back into the living room where I was surprised to find all of the Cullens assembled. Alice had returned from a mysterious shopping trip into Port Angeles and Rosalie had cleaned off all the residual garage grime, looking even more like a goddess than before, dressed in white from head to toe. Each of the family members sat close to their mate, and Edward pulled me possessively into the hard curve of his body on the couch. Esme and Carlisle sat in adjoining chairs, their hands linked, and Carlisle smiled reassuringly at me before he spoke.

"Bella, I hope you don't feel that this impromptu family meeting was sprung on you, but I felt that as _all_ our family is together now, that it would be beneficial for us to sit down and discuss what the upcoming months will bring for us.

"First, it goes without saying that we knew our time in Forks was coming to a close. Edward and Alice have confirmed that people are beginning to wonder about us more than is safe, and as always, it's best if we are preemptive on this front. We've done this a number of times before and Edward has already begun preparing our next move. What _is_ new this time, however, is that we will be moving with a new family member. Bella will be accompanying us when we move this time, and will be joining our family _permanently_ as well, probably just before Christmas. Edward has already begun some of the more basic preparations of our move, but I wanted to ask first if all of us will be moving together this time?"

Alice and Jasper nodded simultaneously. Rosalie responded with a flat "Yes," and Emmett startled me by booming an enthusiastic "Hell yeah!"

"All right," Carlisle continued smoothly, ignoring Emmett's exuberance. "Our next step was to determine exactly where we should go. Initially we thought that Ithaca, New York, would be an excellent option for a myriad of reasons, but so far we've been unable to locate a home which meets our specifications. We'll continue to look there, but Esme suggested that we consider our home in Alaska as an alternative. It's been nearly thirty years since we last lived there, and with its seclusion, it's unlikely anyone will recognize or remember us. We also think it prudent that our next home be in a more isolated area, to assist in Bella's acclimation to our way of life." Carlisle spoke so smoothly, so practically, I was surprised that I wasn't embarrassed to find myself at the center of such an important conversation.

"As always, this decision is open to discussion. Does anyone have any objections to making the house in Alaska our next home?"

The silence was the answer in the room, and Carlisle's golden eyes turned to me. "Bella?"

I thought back to my conversation with Edward about Alaska from less than a week ago, and how I'd been concerned about the cold. It was inconsequential now. "Alaska sounds fine, if that's what you think would be best." I was surprised at how steady my voice came out, and Edward squeezed me tightly.

"You and I will go to Ithaca together, someday," he promised, his voice the softest of whispers in my ear. "House in the woods, Cornell, I won't forget that."

I turned to kiss his cheek and then curved my body more tightly against his. New York or Alaska, I genuinely didn't care. His arms around me and his lips against my ear were all the promise for the future I needed.

"When is your last final in school, Bella?" queried Esme's gentle voice.

"Um, the third Thursday in December. The 18th, I think?"

"The timing seems perfect, then," Carlisle said thoughtfully. "You can finish your first semester of college and be able to continue uninterrupted online if you like. We'll go ahead and begin the necessary preparations for the house and for our time there. With the isolation, no one will be expecting us to maintain a human façade so you will all be free to do as you like there. I'll give notice at the hospital that the third week of December will be my last, but you are all free to begin transitioning there whenever you like. Esme, Edward, Bella, and I will probably be the last to leave Forks. Does anyone have any questions or concerns they'd like to share?"

Again there was silence, and although Rosalie's face had grown progressively stonier throughout the conversation, she said nothing.

"In that case, thank you for your time. I think we can consider this family meeting adjourned." Carlisle smiled to lighten his words, and then turned to Edward. "May I speak with you for a moment?"

Alice and Jasper joined hands and quickly left the room, darting up the staircase. Rosalie wasn't far behind them with Emmett trailing on her heels. Esme came over to me and lightly kissed my head before she too flew up the staircase.

"Bella, you are more than welcome to stay for this conversation, although I will completely understand if you would prefer not to. I want to discuss with Edward the medical preparations we can take to alleviate the stress of your change." He made it sound so routine, so clinical.

"So…we're going to talk about how to ease my death?"

Edward arm tightened around me but Carlisle didn't flinch. "Yes, essentially."

"In that case, I'd like to stay for the conversation. I think I should have some input into that one."

I shifted closer to Edward, settling my shoulder under his arm and resting my head back against him as he and Carlisle began an intensely clinical discussion, most of which went completely over my head, although I tried to follow along. At first they focused primarily on the efficacy of various painkillers, and then rejected those based on the fact that neither of them was precisely sure when the spread of the venom in my body would outweigh the effects of the drugs, or if any of them were even strong enough to provide any relief. Finally Carlisle suggested the possibility of a medically-induced coma, a proposition which Edward considered and then agreed with as the best course of action. They both turned to me.

"What do you think, love?"

I half-laughed. "Are you serious? I didn't understand anything you two were talking about."

Edward's eyes reflected his unhappiness as his fingers gently looped a strand of hair back behind my ear. "Neither of us believes that a regular painkiller, even in large doses, would help with the pain as much as a deep sedation in the form of a temporary coma. Carlisle and I would monitor you the entire time, of course. At some point the effects of the venom will counteract the barbiturates we would use, but hopefully by then the change will mostly be over."

"So you're hoping I would sleep through most of it?"

"Essentially, yes."

"I can't disagree with that, but what if something goes wrong?"

This time it was Carlisle that answered me, his voice calm and professional. "I will not lie to you, Bella. Not everyone survives the physical stress of the change itself." He ignored the warning growl that rumbled up suddenly from Edward's chest. "In almost every single one of those cases though, there has been an unforeseen complication or previous irreparable damage that prevented the body from surviving long enough to allow the change to continue to its end. When I made the decision to change Esme, I genuinely was unsure if her body would be able to hold on long enough, but it somehow did. Now, however, we have ways of medically keeping your body functioning long enough to allow the change to run its course."

"Life support," I stated flatly.

"Yes. I promise you Bella, there are no other complications that I can conceive of that would prevent this from proceeding as normally as possible."

"I trust you both. Whatever you think would be the…least traumatic… will get my vote in the end."

"Your courage is to be admired, Bella," Carlisle said quietly. "It's a rare person who can discuss and decide upon the end of their life as clearly as you."

"I'm not thinking of it that way," I replied quickly. "I'll be waking up at the end of it all."

"Yes," he agreed, and then stood. "If we are all three in agreement, then I will begin procuring the needed equipment and have it shipped directly to the Alaska home. We will be prepared for the process whenever you are, Bella." He rested a gentle hand on my shoulder for the briefest of moments before turning and striding from the room. I twisted against Edward until I was lying back on the couch, my head in his lap, looking up at his beautiful face. He looked more tired than I had ever seen him, if such a thing were possible for a vampire.

"Are you okay?" I whispered, reaching a tentative finger up to touch the shadows under his eyes. Had I not known otherwise, I wouldn't have believed that he'd hunted just this morning.

"As okay as I can be with the conversation we just had," he said slowly. "Discussing the death of my wife."

I closed my eyes for a moment. "Please don't say things like that. I wish you could have heard what I told Rosalie…" I sighed, suddenly feeling as tired as he looked. I focused my eyes unwaveringly on his, rapidly recounting to him my theories on the purpose of a vampire's existence. He quirked an eyebrow.

"Reincarnation?"

"I like it better than the animated zombie explanation you seem to be fixated on."

He settled more deeply into the couch, keeping his eyes fixed firmly on mine. "Talk to me more this way, love, please."

I reached up to stroke his cheek as I did so, not initiating any specific line of conversation. Instead I wondered about Alaska, thought about deep**,** endless forests and icy mountain streams, of bears and tundra. I briefly considered Eskimos and then in response to his smirk, thought instead about tall icy mountains, snow, and long dark nights. I wondered about raw wilderness, walking through it with my hand tucked in his, looking up at ageless trees and miles of rugged land. A wilderness completely foreign to me, the only constant in my mind was of his presence beside me, witnessing my own discovery of its beauty.

"Yes, love," he murmured, so quietly I almost couldn't hear him.

I tried to imagine the house in Alaska; he'd told me that it was southeast of Denali National Park. I tried to picture a sprawling home, made of logs probably, but with the large panes of glass exposing the elements that this house showcased so beautifully. Large fireplaces in every room, of course, and roughly-hewn décor. Large, comfortable beds with mountains of pillows and quilts, bearskin rugs on the floors. Luxury softening the roughness of the surroundings.

Edward groaned softly and rubbed his face against the palm I'd flattened against his cheek.

A roaring fire in one of those fireplaces, in the room Edward and I would call our own. Orange light and dark shadows flickering across our bodies as we lay in front of the fireplace, wrapped together so tightly that it was impossible to tell where he ended and I began. The faintest iridescent shimmer from his skin, and from mine, in the orange light. My body arching under his, lips meeting, slipping, grasping, wrapping, gripping. His hand twisting into my hair, pulling my head back, leaving my throat wide and vulnerable to his caresses.

Edward's insistent fingers against the button of my jeans snapped me back from my fantasy. "Not here…your family…"

"Believe me when I tell you they are all otherwise engaged," he snarled softly. My hands batted ineffectually against the insistence of those cool determined fingers.

"Noooo…" I groaned, my body betraying my words. "Please, not here, I can't…what if…"

He quickly pulled the zipper of my jeans down and slid his hand inside, using the added leverage to push them down over my hips to my thighs. "I _will_ make love to you in front of that fire, Bella. Many, many times." His hard fingertips flicked insistently over the silk of my panties, and I involuntarily moved against them. "Your mind… seeing us in your fantasies, Bella… it is the most erotic thing I could ever conceive of in a thousand years."

I whimpered and dragged my tongue over my lips, his eyes followed the movement. "Your family… not here… this isn't fair…"

"When did I ever promise to play _fair_, Bella?" he whispered, his index finger snaking under the panties, suddenly running hard and swift against my clitoris. My back arched up off the couch as I swallowed a moan that would have undoubtedly been clearly heard by every vampire in the house, if not the surrounding forest. His finger moved easily over me. I was so wet from my brief fantasies that he was able to push a single finger inside of me immediately. I jerked from the sensation.

"Ed-ward…" I was unable to choke out more than that, the screaming desire in my body warring with my awareness of his family being so close. His eyes bored unrelentingly into mine.

"The fireplace. The floor. In the snow. In the forest. Under the trees." His words were thick as his finger began to slowly move in and out of me. I sank my teeth into my lips to try and hold back the pants that would give me away. He sensed my wavering grasp on self-control, of course, and silkily moved his thumb up to rub slowly against me, never ceasing the thrusts of his forefinger. One of my hands came up to clench his forearm, while the other dug into his leg below the knee. I could feel my orgasm approaching faster than I anticipated, and I turned my head to press my face into his stone midsection, only then allowing the little whimpers to escape. I could feel his arousal straining under his jeans, pressing the denim against my cheek.

"Just like this, right now, Bella. Come here for me." His voice was such a thin hiss, I barely understood him.

My back arched again as his thumb moved more insistently. The cool, hard length of his finger inside of me was unrelenting, and when he added a second, I couldn't hold back a moan. I dragged my teeth against the t-shirt over his midsection and he snarled silently again, plunging the two fingers harder and deeper into me, making my body move of its own volition. The tingling burn from deep inside finally erupted in a single furious response. I could feel my walls pulsing rhythmically over his fingers. I jerked my head back against his stone thigh, feeling his fingertips curl and slide against that sensitive spot inside of me, and in an instant there was another climax ripping through me, one that began from far inside and then gripped all my muscles into one long aching clench of pleasure.

"Oh Jesus, oh my God, Edward…"

He too was breathing heavily now, and pulled his fingers slowly from inside me, eliciting another shiver from my body. "Let's go to my room _now_."

"No, no, no!" I felt guilty, of course, but I was simply not ready yet to make love to Edward in a house where six pairs of ears were able to hear my every gasp and moan. He groaned and dropped his head back against the couch.

"Bella, eternity is a long time to be shy about making love in a house of vampires."

I blushed furiously as I yanked my jeans up and fastened them. "Just give me time to get used to the idea, okay?"

He finally smiled a little. "Wait until the first time Emmett and Rosalie really start going at it and you'll understand what I've been telling you. Although, they're so obnoxious that the rest of us tend to find reasons to leave the house."

I moved to sit up, but his cool hand on my shoulder stopped me. "Don't feel you have to move on my account, love. I'm rather enjoying this view."

I settled back down, and this time he tucked a small throw pillow under my head to cushion it from his stone thighs. We both listened as my heart rate and breathing began to slow. "Edward, is it getting easier for you to read my mind?"

"A little bit, yes. Where I would only get flickers of ideas from a distance before, I'm hearing more concrete thoughts now and then. Looking into your eyes, I'm seeing so much more detail and richness in your thoughts, I love being in your mind. It's so beautiful, you have no idea. You still close up tight when you're stressed though. I can only sense your emotions then."

"What about when I'm blocking you?"

He frowned deeply. "I can't hear or feel anything from you. It makes me extremely anxious."

"But why, if you know I'm physically okay? Can't I have private time when I need it?"

"Of course. That's not what I mean, Bella." He raked his hand through his hair again, looking extremely frustrated. "You are entitled to privacy in all things, I don't begrudge you that, but just imagine a mother, listening to the sound of her new baby's breathing and heartbeat. What if it all of a sudden just _stopped_? Wouldn't she panic, and rightfully so?"

"That's not necessarily a fair comparison," I said slowly.

"No, but I don't know how else to convey to you the panic I felt when suddenly you just _vanished_ to me. I count on my gift as strongly as I do any of my other senses. I am aware of not just your heartbeat every second, but also the tenor of your mind, the soft humming of your thoughts, the feeling of your emotions. When those suddenly just _disappear_, it's terrifying. I would imagine it would be disturbing if it happened with just anyone, but with you…"

"I'm sorry**.** I won't do it again." My heart ached at the pain on his face.

"Don't apologize, Bella. There is nothing to be sorry for. Neither of us had any idea that it would affect me in such a way. I have found a home for myself in your mind so quickly, so easily, it's the only place in the world I want to be. My idea of heaven is being curled up in there, with you, forever."

"I definitely won't do it again, then."

He ran his fingers through my hair. "Carlisle had an interesting thought, when we were _testing_ your ability earlier. He thinks that perhaps as your understanding of the power grows stronger, that you may be able to pick and choose what things you can shield. _That_ I think I can handle. You could keep my Christmas presents a secret while still staying on my radar, so to speak."

I laughed. "I like that idea."

"So we have six weeks, my love…"

"Yes," I murmured. "I hope they go by quickly."

"I know what you mean. I feel like we're in a holding pattern now. Hurry up and wait."

"We've got lots of things to do to keep us busy, though. I'll call Renee tomorrow and find out when the best time for us to visit will be. Although, I guess if we're not going to Ithaca, over Thanksgiving might be the ideal time. I'll have to pack…not that it will take long. How will we get my truck to Alaska in one piece?"

"Freight it," he replied immediately. "It's what we do with all our cars that we don't put into storage."

"And at _some point_," I eyed him meaningfully, "We need to get married."

"Duly noted," he chuckled.

"So what would you like to do for the rest of this lovely day?" I asked him, stretching against him, enjoying the lingering sensitivity between my legs.

"You know _exactly_ what I would like to do," he growled quietly.

"You have a one-track mind, you know."

"I'm a vampire. It comes with the territory."

I grinned at him, he was just too beautiful to deny. "Well in that case, Romeo, go get your car keys."

* * *

A/N: So what do you think about Carlisle and Edward's plan about the medically-induced coma? I know I'd vote for that option! Also, do you think Edward is overreacting to Bella being able to completely shield him out? She could in the book and he was perfectly confident and well-adjusted with…oh wait, never mind.

Please do shoot me a review and let me know your thoughts, and come visit the Twilighted thread Stratan has started for me at www (DOT) twilighted (DOT) net/forum/viewtopic (DOT) php?f=33&t=7736 (friendly link is in my profile). I'm posting teasers over there and hearing what you think about the story and where it's headed absolutely makes my day!


	10. Chapter 10

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and its characters. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Chapter Ten**

Even Edward had to admit the fact that my desire to go necking with a vampire was pretty funny.

In the early-fading autumn light, deep in the woods on a long-abandoned logging trail, far from the hyper-sensitive hearing of his family, I finally jumped on him. He'd grumbled about what the overgrown rutted road and underbrush was doing to the Volvo, but by the time I climbed into his lap and began unbuttoning what clothes I could reach, he'd stopped complaining.

"We are _not_ going to do this every weekend we visit my family," he laughed, pushing the driver's seat as far back as possible and reclining the backrest.

"We're _making out_, Edward. Just think of it as catching up on what we missed in high school."

He moaned and grabbed my hips as I ground against him. "Even if we had been doing this in high school, I would have had enough sense to rent a hotel room."

"Don't be a spoilsport," I whispered against his throat, then nibbled gently along his hard skin. He growled his approval and began trying to undress me as I squirmed on top of him. When we were both panting and naked from the waist-up, Edward drew the line at sex in the front seat and dragged me into the back with him.

Afterwards we snuggled awkwardly in the backseat, with me straddling him and laying down against his chest. Only our post-orgasmic bliss made the position comfortable.

"Look, we even steamed up the windows," I giggled.

"_You_ steamed up the windows," he replied dryly.

"You helped. Now, doesn't it feel like we made up for something we missed in high school?"

"Of all the things I wanted to do to you in high school, this particular scenario hadn't crossed my mind, but I admire your adventurous spirit." He tilted his head back and, even from upside-down, managed to write a perfect B + E on the steamed-up window with his fingertip.

"You're so romantic," I murmured, peppering his face with kisses.

"I thought you'd like that."

"My legs are going numb, though."

"Can we go back home for round two, then?"

"Nope," I said pertly, climbing slowly off him and out of the car, somehow managing to do it without falling on my face. Edward handed my clothes out after me. "See, this gives us a chance to be creative."

He emerged from the car, fully-clothed already, as I struggled to pull on my jeans in the chilly evening air. "What if I promise to be very, very quiet?" He laughed when he saw the look on my face. "Bella, we can't keep doing this. Trust me when I tell you, with this situation they'll tease us for sure, when they wouldn't say a word about us doing it at home. Sex is a perfectly normal thing, and they all have it frequently too. Vampires are _extremely _lusty creatures."

"I figured that out already. I just…ugh! Doesn't it give you the creeps to hear them going at it?"

Edward laughed harder at my choice of words, reached out to pull me to him, and then leaned back against the car. "It's not as though I _enjoy_ listening to them, Bella. You learn to tune it out, and after a while, you barely even notice. Until Rose and Emmett start breaking furniture, that is."

"I'm not as concerned with overhearing _them_… although I'm not looking forward to it. I'm worried about them hearing _me_."

"Hearing you what, love? Moan in pleasure when I lick and suck your delectable body? Whimper when I bring you right to the edge and then back off?" His voice dropped to a husky whisper. "Scream my name when you come around me?"

I shivered involuntarily at his words, growing aroused again in spite of myself. "Yes, that's exactly what I'm worried about them hearing."

"_If_ they overheard us, they would be happy that you and I were enjoying ourselves so much, and that would be the end of it. We're not voyeurs, and we've learned over time to respect each other's privacy. The only one who will probably say anything is Emmett, and it seems like you're more than capable of handling him."

I remained silent, and finally he put his finger under my chin and tipped my head up so he could meet my eyes. "I'm not going to force you to do anything you're uncomfortable with, Bella. I just want you to know the reality of how we live."

"I know," I muttered. "It's going to take some getting used to."

"I could take you again right now, against the car," he suggested helpfully.

"In case you haven't noticed, it's _freezing_ out here."

He rolled his eyes and opened the passenger door for me. "Come on, let's get going. I have plans for you tonight."

We drove slowly back out the logging trail, and after we emerged back onto the main road he spoke again. "I also wanted to let you know that Emmett wants Jasper, Carlisle, and I to go hunting tomorrow. He's adamant about it, actually."

"That's fine. I can certainly keep myself busy. I'll let Alice have her way with me in the makeup chair to get her off my back. She's probably already hopping mad that I put her off about it once today."

"It's going to be a long hunting trip, love. We'll be going over to Goat Rocks Wilderness, about two hundred miles southeast of here. It's something of a tradition that we have, and since Emmett has been gone, he's insisting that we go right away."

"Honestly Edward, it's fine. Go enjoy yourself with your family. You won't even have to worry about me getting into trouble since I'll be with Esme, Alice, and Rosalie."

"That's _exactly_ why I'm not pushing him to wait for a weekday. Being away from you makes me anxious."

"You're overprotective," I teased gently.

"I know, love, and I try not to be overbearing about it, but for the next six weeks, until you are as impermeable and unbreakable as I am, I will continue to worry every day about your safety. I don't know what I would do if anything happened to you between now and then."

"Nothing is going to happen to me," I replied, surprised at the fretfulness in his voice. "Between you and I being attached at the hip, your psychic sister, and your doctor father, I'm not worried."

"I worry," he said quietly, then gently took my hand and kissed it. I thought about speaking again, but instead I relaxed back into the seat, my hand still in his, and tried to think reassuring thoughts in his direction. After a moment he squeezed my hand and a faint smile touched his lips. "Thank you, love."

"So when are you leaving, and when will you be back?"

"We'll leave tonight, after you fall asleep, and then I'll be back late Saturday night, or early Sunday morning. Then you and I will have all day Sunday together."

"That sounds nice. You can have your manly bonding time, and I'll have my girl bonding time. I want to spend time with your family, Edward. It's not like you're abandoning me."

He sighed. "I know, but I tend to overreact when it comes to you in general, and your safety specifically."

"Edward," I looked at him, completely baffled by this point. "You're talking like there's something to be worried about. Are you keeping something from me?"

"No, of course not!" he replied immediately. "It's just that you are the most precious thing in my life, and the idea of being two hundred miles away from you is upsetting."

"I'll be fine," I said soothingly. "Go. Hunt. Enjoy yourself with your family. The idea of you having fun makes me happy."

"I am looking forward to variety in prey," he admitted. "The area has a lot of bears, although they're all probably getting ready for winter. There's nothing that Emmett loves more than a good tussle with an irritable grizzly."

"Will I like grizzlies?"

"I'm sure you will, but you may find something you prefer more. My favorite is mountain lion."

"Mountain lion," I murmured, thinking that it was an interesting choice… the way Edward moved reminded me of a large cat sometimes, and Emmett could certainly be compared to a giant, albeit lovable, grizzly bear.

"And of course in Alaska there is so much variety, I have no doubt you'll find something you enjoy. I confess I'm rather looking forward to watching you hunt."

I turned to him in surprise. "Really?"

"Yes." His lips quirked slightly. "I get the feeling I'll find it incredibly sexy."

I tried to imagine what vampires hunting looked like, but couldn't come up with anything that didn't seem silly. "I don't suppose it's possible for me to see you hunt until after my change, huh?"

"No, absolutely not," he replied immediately. "Hunting is one of a few times that we give ourselves up completely to our instincts. I trust myself to not hurt you, but there is no chance I want you anywhere near when I hunt. Remember Bella, I am still a vampire, and you are still a human."

"Not for long," I whispered, but of course he heard and gave me a crooked smile. We rode the rest of the way in comfortable silence, arriving back at the house to discover Esme had cooked yet another stellar dinner for me.

"Really, Esme, you don't have to cook for me all the time!" I protested.

She laughed. "Truly, Bella, I enjoy it. I'm actually surprised by how much is coming back to me about cooking from my human life, and it's nice to have someone to spoil."

As I ate, I thought about the next day. I was truly happy that Edward was going hunting with his brothers. I didn't want him to feel that he had to be attached to my side all the time. My life after moving to Port Angeles had been fairly solitary, so the constant company, as much as I enjoyed it, was a drastic change. I knew that Edward would give me space in a moment if I asked for it, but I didn't _want _to be apart from him. I was still amazed each time I realized that our relationship was barely a week old; it seemed as though we'd been together for years.

The hunting trip was a good idea though, and I was actually looking forward to spending time with Esme and Alice. Any bonding between Rosalie and I would be out in the garage, which was nice to know as well. Maybe if Alice didn't have plans already, I could give her the go-ahead for the makeover she was so hell-bent on doing. It would probably be fun to be pampered for once.

A moment after the thought crossed my mind, I heard a faint but excited squeal from the second floor. I could only laugh and shake my head as Edward chuckled faintly. "Don't let her do anything drastic, love. I happen to be very partial to your appearance as it is."

After I finished eating and washed the dishes, Edward played the piano for some time, and then we headed upstairs to the bedroom. His hands were on me the moment the door closed behind us.

"Edward!" I protested, half-laughing. "I thought we talked about this!"

"Indeed we did." I could feel his lips curve up into a smile against my neck as his hands moved under my shirt, against my bare skin. "And if I remember correctly, I promised to be very, _very_ quiet."

***

When I woke up the next morning, Edward was gone. He'd refused to leave until I was completely exhausted and utterly satiated, saying that he didn't want to leave me unsatisfied. I'd bitten my lips almost raw to keep from crying out or making any other noise, and Edward had been considerate as well. The unbelievably erotic sight of Edward coming while holding back every sound but the faintest moan had been enough to convince me that having sex at the Cullen home was doable after all. After he'd teased one final climax from me, I'd fallen asleep almost immediately, his cool arms wrapped firmly around me, and his lips in my hair.

I yawned and headed for the bathroom, showered, and then pulled on jeans and a bulky soft sweater. Alice was waiting for me at the bottom of the stairs, and I laughed out loud at the expectant look on her face. She followed me into the dining room and even watched every bite of breakfast, and then as I washed the dishes afterwards.

"Are you anticipating a jailbreak, warden?"

She laughed and grabbed my hand, tugging me up the stairs. "No, I'd see that from a mile away. I'm just so excited to get started. There's only so much you can do with vampire skin and hair, so I can't wait to play with yours!"

"Nothing permanent or drastic, please?"

"I promise." She dragged me into the bathroom attached to her bedroom, and my jaw dropped. It was enormous, outfitted like a luxury salon, and had more products lining the shelves than I had time to look at before she plopped me into a bona fide hairdresser's chair. Esme knocked gently at the door before entering, a sketchbook in her hand.

"Bella, if you don't mind me being here while Alice has her fun, I'd like to talk to you about your accommodations in Alaska. Edward had his own room there, of course, but I thought the two of you might enjoy some privacy, a small honeymoon if you will. There's a separate caretaker's cottage on the property. I would like to talk about renovating it for the two of you."

"Oh Esme, that would be wonderful!"

"Why don't I tell you what I have in mind, and show you some of my sketches? I know Edward's tastes and preferences fairly well by now, but I want this to be a comfortable home for you as well."

"Mani and pedi first, then!" Alice sang.

I felt myself relaxing as Alice gave me a complete, perfect pedicure in record time, and then began on my fingernails. I loved all of Esme's ideas for the cottage; her drawings were intricate and beautiful, and her excitement about the project was contagious. After we'd discussed everything, she excused herself to work on the project in more detail, and Alice proceeded to give me a facial.

"See, I told you this would be no big deal! You're beautiful as it is. I just thought you'd enjoy being spoiled a bit."

"Mmm-hm, this is heaven. You can do this for me anytime."

"Oh good, because I figured next I'd trim your hair, just a tiny bit of layering for body, and _then-I-was-thinking-about-a-bikini-wax_." She said the last part in a rush and then dropped a warm washcloth on my face. I immediately reached up to snatch it away.

"No way, no how. No bikini wax, Alice."

"Oh come on, it's not that bad! I looked it up; it's a special wax made out of sugar, and it doesn't hurt like regular wax!"

"No."

She tugged the washcloth out of my hand and arranged it over my face again. "Besides, just think how much _Edward_ would appreciate a surprise like that!"

"Nmmph," was my negative reply from under the washcloth. Although I liked the idea in theory, there was no way I was letting my future sister-in-law do it. I'd find a good spa in Port Angeles or something.

"Come on, Bella, don't be embarrassed, and remember that once you're changed, your body is frozen the way it is. So you might want to keep that in mind; be neat and tidy for all eternity."

I lifted the bottom of the washcloth. "Jesus, you make it sound like getting ready for a visit to the gynecologist. Where exactly did you learn how to do a good pain-free bikini wax?"

"Online," she replied promptly, and I shook my head.

"No way in hell. I love you already Alice, but anyone who hasn't experienced one isn't giving me a bikini wax."

"Fair enough," she pouted. "Can I find a spa for you then, and come along for moral support?"

"Yes. But not today."

She grumbled throughout the remainder of the facial, but perked up again as she snipped away at my hair. I had to give her credit; the subtle layers she cut into my hair were a vast improvement.

"And _voila_!" she finally announced, after brushing on a little light makeup.

"I'm impressed," I admitted. "You're a good friend to have Alice. I look fabulous."

"Yes you do," she agreed immediately. "And now that you know that a spa day isn't a Spanish Inquisition-style ordeal, I hope we can do a few more in the next six weeks. And after your change too, of course, it's just that a lot of this stuff obviously doesn't work on vampires."

"Obviously, why improve on perfection?" I teased. "Seriously, thank you Alice. I feel like a million bucks. So what are you up to for the rest of the day?"

"Shopping," she replied, flitting around and restoring order to the pristine bathroom. "Stuff for our room in Alaska, more winter clothes, stuff like that. I just have it all delivered straight there. You'll be surprised how fast time will fly by before the move. Do you want me to order some clothes for you too?"

"Alice, after the La Perla order, you are hereby free to be my personal shopper. Just try and keep what I'm comfortable with in mind, okay?"

She grinned widely. "I told you he'd love the La Perla stuff. I'll just get you a few things. Your clothing size will actually be different after your change, so I'll get your measurements then and order a whole new wardrobe."

"You're the boss." I stood and stretched, checked the time on my cell phone and was surprised to find it was only eleven o'clock. "I'm going to call my mom. You can tell me more about Alaska later."

"Okay!" was her enthusiastic response, and I headed back upstairs to the bedroom. I felt incredibly relaxed from Alice's ministrations and I wished Edward were here so I could show off a little. I knew I needed to call my mother though, and arrange a trip down to see her. With all the work the other Cullens were evidently putting into the move, I needed to contribute in my own small way. I had my wallet with me; I could even go ahead and make the flight reservations after talking to Renee.

I sank into Edward's black leather couch and flipped open my phone, speed-dialing my mom. I hadn't actually spoken to her on the phone for almost three weeks, although I made sure to e-mail her weekly. It made me a little sad, thinking how we'd grown apart since I'd left her to live with Charlie, and I knew that a visit with her would be exactly what I needed before I wasn't allowed to be around humans for a few years.

The phone rang several times before there was a click and then Renee's voice on the other end.

"Hello?"

"Hi Mom!"

"Bella!" She sounded pleased. "I'm so glad to hear from you, I was planning on calling tomorrow. What are you up to?"

I curled up and tucked my legs under me. "Well, I'm calling with news, actually."

"Let me guess, you met a guy?" Her voice was excited and I smiled. For as flighty and impetuous as Renee could be, she was also incredibly perceptive. Although, she asked me if I'd met a guy every time we talked, so maybe it wasn't so far a stretch after all.

"Yes mom, I'm finally dating a really great guy,and, um, it's pretty serious."

She squealed. "Tell me all about him!"

"It's a guy I went to high school with. We reconnected by accident and really hit it off."

"Is he a student? What's his name?"

"Yes." I'd have to remember to warn Edward about that. "He's at Peninsula College too. His name is Edward."

"That's wonderful, hon. I was really getting worried. You were never big on going out and socializing, but that's how you meet new people."

"Yeah, um, speaking of… I'd really like for you to meet him. Like I said, we're pretty serious, and I was thinking we could maybe fly down over Thanksgiving so you could get to know him, and I'd love to see you and Phil too, of course."

"Oh…" There was hesitancy in her voice and my heart sank. "Actually, Bella, that's why I was planning on calling you. Now that the season is over, Phil and I decided to treat ourselves and go on a cruise. Although, why he's okay with traveling on vacation when he travels around the whole rest of the year is beyond me."

"Oh, okay." I bit my lip, disappointed. "Maybe closer to Christmas, then?"

"Well, hon, it's one of those long cruises. You know, one that actually circles the globe. We're leaving here at the end of next week and we won't be back until after the New Year." She laughed nervously. "It's ridiculously expensive, but we've been saving up and we figured we'd treat ourselves to a nice vacation. Christmas on the equator and all that."

I bit my lip harder, wondering if my thoughtless mother had given a second thought to what my plans were for Thanksgiving and Christmas. We'd discussed the holidays earlier in the year, nothing concrete, but I'd mentioned coming and visiting even then and she'd been overjoyed at the idea. Of course it was typical Renee: she never meant to be hurtful, but she always put herself first, never considering how her actions would affect others. Even when I'd come to live with Charlie, I knew she missed me but was relieved to be free to follow Phil around the country, unencumbered by a teenage daughter.

"You're not angry, are you? I'm sorry hon, I really meant to call you sooner and give you a heads-up, but you know how hectic things get…"

I took a deep breath. "No, I'm not angry. A little disappointed, but you guys deserve a nice vacation together."

"Maybe after the New Year, you and Edward could fly down then? Towards the end of January?"

The end of January? There was no way I would be able to see people by the end of January, unless we put off my change until later, and putting it off was something I was not very interested in doing. I shut my eyes, willing back the irritation, and then felt a surge of guilt. My mother was entitled to take a vacation with her husband, and if I was angry that it put a crimp in _my_ plans, then it just made me a hypocrite.

"Yeah, I guess we could wait until then, it's no big deal."

"I'm sorry honey, I guess I just didn't think you'd want to come down here for the holidays."

_Where did you think I'd go?_ I felt guilty as soon as the thought crossed my mind.

"Really, Mom, it's fine."

"I just assumed you'd spend Thanksgiving and Christmas with the Blacks, I suppose…"

_As opposed to spending them with my mother, whom I haven't seen since my father's funeral ten months ago_. I squeezed my eyes tightly shut, feeling more guilt over the irritation bubbling inside of me. I hadn't mentioned the holidays to her since August. I couldn't expect her to automatically assume that I'd want to travel to Florida to be with her and Phil.

"I guess I could just stay with Edward and his family…"

"Are you sure it's okay, Bella? I mean, I can't really change our plans now, but I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner."

"No, I just really wanted you to meet Edward…" My throat closed up suddenly and I tried to suck in as quiet a breath as possible. "It's okay, though. We'll figure it out."

"Oh, I'm so glad you're not angry!" The relief in her voice was unmistakable and I stayed silent as she began prattling on about the itinerary of the cruise, the ports of call, and the various places they would visit. As she chattered on, I couldn't help but wonder what I would do for the holidays if I didn't have the Cullens. Would I have called the Blacks and blatantly invited myself over? Or would I have spent them alone, not wanting to impose where I hadn't been invited?

"…and so then we spend a few days in Greece and…what hon? Hold on a second, Bella." There was a brief muffled conversation on the other end of the line, and then Renee's voice returned. "Oh shoot, Phil just reminded me that his family is coming out to visit us for a week right after we get back. So maybe mid-February might be a better time for you to come visit, oh wait, hang on…" More muffled conversation before Renee sighed into the phone. "Phil keeps reminding me of all these things we have lined up. So hectic! How about this, Bella, I'll call you when we get back from the cruise and we'll figure something out then, okay? And there's internet service on the ship so we can still e-mail in the meantime. How does that sound?"

I swallowed down the aching lump in my throat. "Sure Mom, I guess we'll figure it out when the time comes."

"Thanks for understanding, Bella, you always were willing to put up with my craziness!" She laughed. "Listen hon, I have to run, we've got a million and one things to do, but I'll be in touch, okay?"

"Okay."

"Love you baby! Bye!"

I slowly flipped the phone shut, emotions raging furiously within me. Irritation and anger towards my scatterbrained mother who was always quick to put herself first; resentment that I would apparently have to put off my plans until Renee found time to work me into her busy schedule; guilt over begrudging her a nice vacation with her husband; and hurt that I still wasn't important enough for her to worry about.

It had been that way my whole life. I knew that Renee loved me, but she'd always led her life impetuously, from crazy whim to whim, and I'd always followed. When she'd married Phil, I knew she was unhappy having to stay home with me, and although she'd never said anything directly, I hadn't missed the relief in her eyes when I offered to go live with my dad. Even when she had insisted that I come back and live with her after Charlie's death, I knew it was because of guilt and worry, not a real desire to assume the responsibility of being a full-time parent again. It was a role she'd never been very good at.

I stood up from the couch suddenly and bolted down the stairs. I wasn't sure where I was going, but I suddenly just wanted to be alone, somewhere I could process my thoughts and emotions in private. When I got to the bottom of the staircase I froze. My truck was definitely still out of commission, and I had no idea where Edward's keys were. For the briefest moment I wondered if I could borrow another one of the Cullens' vehicles, but then suddenly Alice was in front of me, holding up a set of keys. She smiled, but her eyes were sad, and I realized that of course she must have overheard the conversation with Renee.

"We keep the spare sets of keys to all the cars in the kitchen, just in case you ever need to borrow one. I wouldn't recommend ever taking Rose's without her explicit permission, though."

"Thanks, Alice," I muttered, gripping the Volvo key fob tightly. "I'm going out for a while, just for a drive. I'll be back later."

I flipped a half-hearted wave to Rosalie as I entered the garage, and she looked at me curiously as I slipped into the Volvo and drove away. I was becoming more comfortable driving Edward's car, but I definitely didn't want anything to happen to it, and I wondered if my original plan of going for a long drive was such a good one after all.

Instead, I drove into downtown Forks, glad that no one would recognize me behind the tinted glass. I wasn't in the mood for idle conversation. I really just wanted to go somewhere private and maybe bawl my eyes out. On impulse, I made a right turn and, after a couple of miles, pulled into the cemetery where Charlie was buried.

The cemetery was northwest of Forks, just off La Push Road and surrounded by thick forest. I hadn't been here since the funeral and as I pulled up and parked on the gravel road near his headstone, I wondered why in the world I was here now. I sat unmoving behind the wheel for a few minutes, and then slowly opened the door and climbed out, zipping up my jacket. It was bitterly cold and when I felt the sting of the icy air, I retrieved a thick woven blanket from the trunk and wrapped that around myself too. Then I took a deep breath and walked over to my father's grave.

The cemetery management was in charge of the general maintenance and upkeep, and I was happy to see that the area was neatly kept. His headstone was a plain one, as per his will, although some in City Hall had wanted to upgrade to something fancier to honor their Chief of Police. I hadn't even known he had a will until after his death, and he'd been very specific about everything, thankfully leaving very little for me to decide. His headstone simply listed his name, dates of birth and death, and then under that, _Beloved Father of Isabella_.

I carefully sat down next to the headstone, arranging the heavy blanket between my pants and the damp ground. I remembered how I'd cried when I saw that line on his headstone for the first time at the funeral. Charlie and I had never been ones for long talks or father-daughter bonding, but in some ways I'd been closer to him than I'd ever been to Renee. Renee had been more like my best friend than my mother; it had been that way my entire life. Charlie, on the other hand, did his best to be a good dad, even when the role was suddenly thrust back on him when I arrived from Phoenix. He'd given me a curfew and rules because he worried about me, but he'd also given me love in his own quiet way. We'd fit together so comfortably, so easily.

He'd started feeling sick at work three days after Christmas and came home, complaining that he must have caught the flu from someone. Within an hour, he was feeling so much worse that he allowed me to drive him to the hospital, even though I think he only relented because I'd threatened to call an ambulance if he didn't. On the short drive there, he began sweating and struggling to breathe, complaining of a squeezing pain in his chest. I drove straight up to the emergency entrance where the attendants on duty took one look at him, put him in a wheelchair, and took him inside while I parked the car. I'd sat and waited for almost three hours before Dr. Gerandy and a counselor finally came to take me into a private consultation room and told me that Charlie was dead. He'd gone into full cardiac arrest within two minutes of being admitted to the hospital, and despite all their efforts, they'd been unable to save him.

That was the point at which I just went numb.

Everything blurred together after that. The funeral. Packing up all of Charlie's things, having to decide what should be donated to charity and what I should keep. The reading of the will and finding out he'd left everything to me. The sale of the house. Moving my few boxes of belongings to the Blacks' house. And then finally returning to school the third week of January. Moving through school automatically, hearing and seeing, speaking when needed, but not really _there_. Just numb. Completely unaware of how much love and concern was inside Edward, who was only ever a few feet away from me.

I felt tears slipping down my cheeks as I reached out one finger to touch Charlie's name, engraved in the cold marble. Charlie would have liked Edward. He'd admired Dr. Cullen a great deal and had mentioned his children in passing; about how polite and well-behaved they all were. What father wouldn't want a polite, well-behaved, respectful boy in love with his daughter? He would have probably made a point of cleaning his guns when Edward came over at least once, just as a subtle reminder that it would be foolish to break his daughter's heart, but he would have warmed up to him eventually. It would have been impossible for him not to.

I was sobbing now, letting out my frustration and hurt from the conversation with my mother, along with regret over having lost Charlie far too soon. I remembered how _alone_ I'd felt at the funeral, and I felt that same feeling creeping back over me now. Even surrounded by people who I knew cared about me, I'd felt so isolated. My mother had a whole separate life now with Phil. I'd never even seen their house in Jacksonville. My life was buried beneath my feet; all the security and stability I'd had was taken away in one moment, and although it was never said to my face, there was now the problem of _What do we do with Bella_?

Billy had made the offer, quietly and respectfully, immediately after the funeral. Jacob held my hand as I considered it, and hugged me when I said yes. Renee had protested and then finally gave in, making me promise I'd let her know immediately if I changed my mind, but I'd seen it again, there in her eyes, that same tiny flash of relief that had been there when I offered to move to Forks in the first place; the knowledge that she could keep her happy life the way it was. She would have let me move in without a word of complaint, I knew, but she would have been unhappy, just as she had been in Phoenix when Phil would go on the road and she had to stay home with me.

I'd reminded her that I was eighteen, capable of making my own decisions, and that was the end of it. I felt years older by the time I packed up my truck and moved to Port Angeles a few months later.

I sniffled and wiped my face on the warm blanket. I felt a little better for having the emotional release of a good cry, but it didn't change the fact that Renee's plans had thrown a wrench in mine. I'd have to decide if I was willing to wait a couple more months than we'd originally planned for the change, or if I was willing to go ahead with our original plans and not see my mother for several years. I'd have to talk to Edward about it.

My stomach growled loudly and I glanced at my watch, shocked at the time. I'd been at the cemetery much longer than I realized. I stood up stiffly, pulled the blanket tightly over my shoulders, and then reached over to put my hand on the cold stone before me.

"Bye, Dad."

I trudged over to the car and opened the trunk, shook out the blanket and folded it. Just as I was closing the trunk I heard a voice speak behind me.

"Bella?"

I turned and my jaw dropped. "Jake?"

I knew it was Jacob who stood about ten feet away, but it wasn't the Jacob I remembered. He was _huge_, as though he'd simultaneously had a growth spurt and started taking steroids since I'd last seen him in June. Despite the weather, he was dressed in just jeans and a t-shirt, the latter showing off his massive forearms.

"Jesus, Jake, when did you turn into a giant?"

He shrugged. "I've been working out."

I looked him up and down, my eyes wide. "Well, you look great, but wow! How did you know I was here?"

He shrugged again. "I was driving by with one of the guys and saw you sitting here."

I looked behind him. "You drove here?"

"Nah, I had him drop me off."

"Well, I could give you a ride back, if you like," I said slowly. My surprise was wearing off and fragments of my conversations with Edward and Carlisle were flickering through my mind. I needed to tread very carefully now.

Jacob didn't answer for a moment, just stood with his arms crossed, his stance stiff. "Whose car is that?"

"I borrowed it from a friend. My truck broke down, it's in the shop right now."

"Who's your friend?"

"You don't know her. Jeez, Jake, what's with the cross-examination?"

"What are you doing here?"

"Excuse me? I came to visit my father's grave, if that's not obvious. Jake, what the hell is the matter with you?"

He took in a long shuddering breath. "I'm a little on edge, Bells."

"I can see that. I haven't seen you in five months and you're flipping out on me?"

He dropped his eyes but his stance didn't relax. "I'm sorry, Bella. Like I said, I'm a little on edge right now."

"Are you on drugs?" I asked cautiously, and a tiny smile finally cracked the mask on his face.

"No, I'm not on drugs."

"Well in that case, can I have a hug?"

He uncrossed his arms, his face relaxing a little more. "I'm sorry, Bells."

I laughed and shook my head, then ran to him, jumping up to wrap my arms around his neck. His arms went around my waist and he hugged me back for the briefest of moments before he suddenly stiffened again. He reached up and carefully grabbed my arms, pulling me off of him and pushing me away, keeping his hands wrapped around my wrists. His nostrils were flared and his face was a mask of fury; I felt my first moment of real fear. He had to be on drugs, he looked completely strung out.

"Whose car is that, Bella?" he snarled.

"I told you, it's a friend's." My heart was pounding now.

"It's one of those fucking Cullens, isn't it?"

"Jake…"

"I knew it. Goddamn it I knew it. Bella, what did I tell you about staying away from them? Which one of them is it?"

Somewhere in the back of my head, through the haze of terror, I swore I heard Edward's voice, and he told me to lie.

"It's Alice's. I went to school with her, remember?"

"Since when are you friends with a _Cullen_?" he spat.

"None of your business! Jake, you're scaring me!"

Jacob's entire body was shaking, literally vibrating. I could feel the trembling of his hands that were still locked around my wrists. At my words he shut his eyes and appeared to be breathing deeply, trying to calm down. "Bella," he said through clenched teeth, "Why did you lie to me? What did I tell you? The Cullens are dangerous."

"Why are they dangerous? How in the world could Alice Cullen be remotely dangerous to me?" I tried to keep my voice level. Somehow I knew if Jake found out that I was aware of their true nature, it would be disastrous.

Jake's eyes popped open and he took one big breath. "Please Bella, you've got to trust me."

"Jake, how can I trust you when you're acting like this, when you won't tell me what's going on?" He huffed and dropped my left wrist, but before I could speak again, he was pulling me by my right towards the cemetery exit. "Jacob Black, what the hell are you doing?"

"Taking you to La Push," he snapped back, over his shoulder. I immediately dug my heels into the gravel road.

"The hell you are! Let go of me!"

"Bella, just come with me. Please, just trust me and come down to the reservation right now. I'll tell you more there."

"Let me go! We are not going to walk…"

"We'll hitch a ride."

I struggled, pulling harder against the hand he had wrapped tightly around my right wrist. "Jacob, please! _You're hurting me!_"

He turned immediately to face me, dropping my wrist simultaneously, his expression contrite. "I'm sorry Bella, God I'm sorry. Please, please just come with me. I'm begging you, come down to La Push and I'll explain everything."

I backed a couple of steps away from him. "No, Jake. Not with the way you're acting. I'll give you a ride home if you want, but I don't want to discuss anything with you right now. I'll call you in a couple of days and we can talk then, after you've calmed down."

"Where are you going?" I remained silent and took another step back as the furious look returned to his face. "You're going to _them_, aren't you? What the hell is wrong with you? Why can't you listen to me? Please Bella, you've got to stay away from them!"

"I've got to go, Jake," I said unsteadily, continuing to step back. Jake began striding towards me when suddenly there was a blur in my peripheral vision. Jake's face contorted with fury as a hard arm went around my waist and I was abruptly flying backwards, away from Jacob. Two figures were suddenly between Jacob and I, one tiny with spiky black hair and the other tall and blonde. Both were crouched in unmistakably aggressive stances.

"Bella, be very still." It was Esme's arm around my waist, her whisper soft in my ear.

"Aren't you a little far off the rez?" It was Alice who spoke, but I barely recognized her voice. It was cold and threatening, not her normal sweet tones at all.

"You fucking bloodsuckers!" Jacob screamed. "What the fuck are you doing with her?"

"Protecting her from _you_, obviously. How _dare_ you put your hands on her." It was Rosalie's voice this time, low in a guttural snarl.

Jacob's eyes went to me even as he moved to go around Rosalie and Alice. They matched his movements exactly. "She _knows_? Bella, you fucking _know_ about them?"

"Shh," Esme cautioned me, and I remained silent.

"What the fuck is she doing with you? Leave her alone! If you lay a single fucking finger on her…"

"Her choices are none of your concern. She is with us because she wants to be."

Jacob began trembling violently again.

"I wouldn't if I were you, _dog_," Rosalie warned him. "You pose more of a threat to her right now than any of us, and you know it. Stay away from her, and stay away from us."

"What…are…you…doing…with…her?" Jacob's voice was strangled. Neither Rosalie nor Alice answered him and he took a step back, his trembling increasing.

"Bella," Esme murmured in my ear, "If I tell you to run, do it. We'll catch up to you."

Just then there was movement behind Jacob and I recognized Sam Uley and Embry Call, two of the guys from La Push. Sam and Jacob hadn't been close, but Embry was one of Jacob's best friends. They were shirtless, dressed only in cutoff jeans. Sam held up his hands as Rosalie moved to flank them, Alice squaring up against Jacob.

"We're not here for a fight," Sam said clearly.

"This one evidently was," Rosalie growled, not relaxing at all.

"We'll take him back to La Push."

"_Bella_," Jacob's voice was almost a feral screech.

"Bella is free to do as she chooses." Sam's eyes went to me, but he addressed Esme. "However I suggest you remind your _mate_ of the terms of the treaty."

"We are all perfectly aware of the terms of the treaty," Esme replied, her voice as flat and cold as the others. "You would do well to remind your friend that an unprovoked attack on my family, off your territory, would be a very poor choice to make. We also will not stand by if he again attempts to force Bella to do anything against her will."

Jacob snarled but Sam merely nodded. "Know that we will be watching you."

"As we shall be watching you," was Esme's icy response.

Sam reached out and grabbed one of Jacob's arms, Embry took the other. "Let's go," he commanded quietly. They turned and headed off into the woods, none of the three vampires around me relaxed their defensive postures until the men had disappeared. Then there was a whirl of activity, I found myself in the backseat of the Volvo with Esme and Alice on either side of me, Rosalie behind the wheel. She started the car and peeled out onto the main road, headed back towards the house.

Alice and Esme were talking, their lips moving too quickly and voices too low for me to understand them. I concentrated on taking deep breaths, and now that the seriousness of the situation was sinking into my mind, I started to shake. Esme rubbed my back soothingly.

"Are you okay, Bella?"

"My wrist hurts a little. I don't think he realized how hard he was grabbing it…"

Rosalie growled from the front seat.

"Alice, how did you…"

She shook her head. "It was so strange, everything was fine, and then you just… disappeared. I couldn't see your future at all. I don't know if it's something to do with them or not, if they block my vision, but it scared the hell out of me."

"What's going to happen?"

"I don't know!" Her voice was frustrated. "I don't think they're going to do anything, not right away at least, but if they poke holes in my vision…"

"I'm calling Carlisle," Esme said immediately. "They need to get home as soon as possible."

"No," I protested weakly, but Alice shook her head.

"Bella, we need the entire family here now. What if Jacob tries to kidnap you? It would be war between us and the Quileutes."

"Oh my God," I whispered. My conversation with Edward from days before… "_Imagine the reaction of the Quileute elders when they find out that a beloved adopted daughter has been seduced, hypnotized even, by their mortal enemy. That is how they would view it, I don't doubt that they would extend their definition of 'taking a human life' to include such circumstances. I also don't doubt that they would move heaven and earth to rescue you from such a dire situation_."

"But Alice, they don't know about Edward and I…"

"No, and thank goodness for that. I truly don't know how things would have turned out if they'd realized that much. I guess they think we've just befriended you at this point."

Esme spoke rapidly into her cell phone and then hung up. "I left Carlisle a message. We normally turn our phones off while hunting," she explained to me. "They'll leave as soon as he gets it."

"He'll get the message in about half an hour," Alice said slowly. "And they'll leave immediately."

We pulled up in front of the Cullen house and I was whisked inside by my three bodyguards. They guided me into the kitchen**,** and Rosalie carefully picked up my hand to examine my wrist.

"It looks like it'll just be a bad bruise. Let's put some ice on it. Edward is going to be _furious_."

"Yes, he will be," Alice agreed.

Esme sighed. "I'm glad Carlisle and his brothers are with him, I'm afraid he'd do something rash otherwise."

"I wouldn't blame him," Rosalie grumbled, carefully arranging a bag of crushed ice around my wrist.

"This changes everything," Esme said softly. Alice and Rosalie both nodded.

"What happens now?" I asked.

"We wait for the guys to get back, and then we'll have to sit down and figure out what to do from here."

"Okay," I whispered, tears prickling my eyes. "I'm so sorry I caused this."

"You didn't cause this," Rosalie said sharply. "Don't blame yourself. That _mutt_ did all this, and it's _him_ doing something stupid that we have to worry about."

"Rose," Esme interjected gently, but Rosalie shook her head.

"It's true, and we all know it."

Esme shook her head slowly. "Alice, do you see anything happening between now and the rest of the family returning?"

"No," she said promptly.

"All right, then. Bella, why don't you come relax in the living room with us? Rosalie, please go check Carlisle's bag and see if he has some Motrin or something else to help with her wrist." She put her arm around me and guided me into the living room. Just before I sat down on the giant white couch, my cell phone rang in my back pocket and Alice swore.

"It might be Edward…" I murmured, pulling it out, but Alice shook her head. The caller ID display read _Jake_.

"Don't answer it," Rosalie said sharply, coming into the room with a small bottle and glass of water in her hand. The phone rang again and I looked up at the three concerned vampires around me.

"I have to… just so he knows I'm okay."

Esme nodded immediately. "Be careful what you say, though."

I took a deep breath and flipped open the phone. "What do you want, Jake?"

"Bella, oh my God, are you okay?"

"Of course I'm okay, except for my wrist that you almost broke."

He groaned. "I'm so sorry Bells, I was panicking. Are you with them now?"

"Yes."

"Bella please, if you've ever trusted me, as your best friend, your _brother_, please come down here now. We can protect you from them here."

"I don't _need_ to be protected from my friends," I said sharply. "They aren't a danger to me."

"You know what they are?"

"Yes."

"Then how can you possibly believe you're not in danger? They're bloodsuckers, Bella, murderers. I won't let them kill you too."

"They don't hunt humans, and I'm sure you are perfectly aware of that!" I snapped.

He sucked in a deep breath. "You can't trust them. You'll never know when they might turn on you."

"They won't."

"Why are you hanging around with them anyway, Bella? You don't need friends like that, undead leaches. Come back down here, _please_."

"Jake, I'll tell you this _once_," I said, fighting to stay calm. "The Cullens are not going to hurt me. They are my friends. If for any reason that changes and I need your help, I will let you know, but for now, I don't want to see you or talk to you for a few days at least."

"Bella," he started, and then I heard voices in the background. Jacob mumbled something I didn't catch, and then he was back. "Fine, if that's who you choose as your friends. Good luck with that. I hope you don't end up dead."

Then he hung up on me.

* * *

A/N: Dang, those Cullen women are FIERCE, huh? So Jake has made his much-anticipated appearance, please be sure to leave me a review and let me know what you think! Was his reaction completely out of line, or somewhat understandable (except for hurting her wrist)? And what's Edward going to do when he gets back and finds out what happened?

THANK YOU to my super-beta Stratan, and don't forget to come over and check out the IDBiV thread on Twilighted…clicky-link is in my profile!


	11. Chapter 11

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and its characters. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Chapter Eleven**

Three pairs of golden eyes bored into me as I slowly snapped my cell phone shut. I knew they'd been able to hear every word Jacob spoke, so I didn't bother explaining. Jake's parting words, so cold and hateful, were like a knife twisting in my heart; regardless of the potential danger he posed to me and to my new family, it was like having a piece of me ripped away. Jacob had been the brother I never had, and his last dispassionate words, "_I hope you don't end up dead_" would never have come from the Jacob I knew. If those words were his final goodbye to me, I'd carry that regret forever in my heart.

I looked up dully as Alice sank down next to me on the couch, and I immediately recognized the distracted faraway look on her face. Esme and Rosalie noticed it too.

"Alice, has something changed?" Esme asked urgently.

Alice's eyes were almost completely blank, flickering back and forth rapidly. Her face was in constant motion, although the movements were so minute I almost couldn't catch them. One moment her small mouth would purse in concern, and in the next her jaw would relax. It was as though she were swinging back and forth between emotions so disparate, that she couldn't pause to verbalize them. Finally, though, her head turned and her blank eyes settled on me.

"Carlisle just got your message, Esme," she said slowly, her attention obviously still elsewhere. "Edward is extremely upset, he wants to…" She gasped and tensed. In a flash Esme was dialing her cell phone again, but Alice's hand shot out to stop her. "No, wait, they're trying to convince him."

We all fell silent again until the blank look in Alice's eyes slowly disappeared and her face relaxed, and then scrunched up again in frustration. "Edward was determined to go straight to La Push. The guys were having a hell of a time restraining him, but they're on the way back now. Edward wanted to run but they've practically got him physically restrained in the Jeep…" Her eyes drifted off again, and then snapped back. "They're coming straight here. They'll be here in less than two hours."

"Oh thank God," Esme breathed, while Rosalie rolled her eyes in disgust.

"Why am I not surprised that Edward would try something so stupid?" she snapped, irritated. Alice shot her an annoyed look.

"As if Emmett wouldn't do the same thing if it had happened to you?"

Rosalie huffed and sat back against the couch.

"What should I do?" I asked quietly, still fingering the cell phone in my hand. Alice sighed and put her arms around me; I leaned gratefully into her strength.

"Edward is _extremely_ upset right now, Bella, and the only one he's really going to listen to is you. You know how he feels about your safety, and he feels that he let you down. I know that you believe Jacob didn't pose a threat to you, but…" she paused for a moment. "Well, let's just say that we don't agree, for a myriad of reasons. Anyway, when the guys get here, we're going to have to figure out what to do about this whole situation. Jacob is unpredictable right now, and that makes him dangerous, especially since I can't see him or any of his actions in advance. We'll need you to keep Edward calm and rational during the discussion, and you're the only one he'll truly listen to right now."

"Why is he so upset? I mean, I understand he's overprotective, but nothing really happened…"

"You're his mate, Bella," Esme said softly. "And you _were_ in danger today, even though you don't yet realize how much. Your wellbeing is the foremost thing on Edward's mind, always. After your change, you'll understand the depth of emotions and instincts that come along with being a vampire."

"Thank you then, all three of you, for coming after me today." I bit my lip. "I don't think Jake would have been able to forcibly keep me at La Push, if that's what he was really planning on doing, but I can understand why it would have been bad if Edward felt he had to come after me."

"And he would have," Rosalie put in. "God, I was just _hoping_ that mutt would make one wrong move so I could give him the beating he was asking for."

Esme saw me flinch and frowned. "In the meantime, Bella, I think it might be a good idea for you to go shower."

I blinked at her. "I…okay?"

Alice finally grinned a little. "Don't take this the wrong way, Bella, but right now you stink like wet dog. And if Edward smells Jacob on you it won't help the situation at _all_."

"Why does everyone keep referring to him as a dog?" I asked curiously. The three Cullen women exchanged glances, and it was Esme who spoke.

"We'll let Carlisle explain that one."

Alice stood and tugged on my arm. "Come on, I'll throw your clothes into the wash for you."

"God, this has been a fucked-up day," I muttered as we trudged up the steps to the third floor.

"And it's not over yet," Alice agreed. When we reached the bedroom, Alice pushed me in the direction of the bathroom, insisting that I not even touch my clean clothes until after I'd showered.

I stripped slowly in the bathroom, wondering how much more I could be expected to process in one day, and hoping I could keep Edward under control as everyone seemed to be expecting I would. I balled up my jeans and panties, pulled off my sweater, looked down, and gasped.

Although it genuinely didn't hurt much at all, there was a very distinct purple bruise around my wrist, wrapped like a bracelet; finger marks clearly visible. I turned my hand over and winced to see where the bruise deepened against the soft flesh of my inner wrist. Rosalie was right, Edward _was_ going to freak out. To be perfectly honest, _I_ was a little freaked out: I bruised very easily, half the time I couldn't remember what caused the marks I was always finding on my legs or hips. This was ugly, though, and the idea that one of my best friends had put it there… I shuddered, understanding for the first time what Esme had said about me being in danger. Jacob evidently didn't know his own strength.

I took a long hot shower. I scrubbed every inch of my skin and washed my hair twice for good measure. When I emerged from the shower, my old clothes were gone and a new outfit sat neatly folded on the vanity, waiting for me. I couldn't help but notice as I dressed that Alice had picked out a soft green jersey top, clingy and surprisingly low-cut, but with extra-long sleeves that draped all the way to my knuckles.

"I take this to mean we're going to try and keep the wrist from him until _after_ the family discussion?" I called out, knowing she was in the bedroom.

"Yes, I thought it would be a good idea. Try and shield that thought from him if you can." She peeked in through the door. "Carlisle called while you were in the shower. They ran into a traffic jam just after getting on the I-5. It was so sudden I didn't even see it until too late. Anyway, Edward jumped out of the Jeep before they could grab him, and took off running. He's coming cross-country so he'll be here a lot sooner than they will. At least he's coming _straight_ here."

"How soon?"

"He'll be here in about forty minutes. Do you want me to dry your hair for you?"

"Sure."

"Let's go to my bathroom then; you look like you should sit down."

I followed her obediently and found myself ensconced back in her ridiculously large stylist-grade bathroom. She whipped out a blow-dryer and I shut my eyes, fighting back the overwhelming sense of déjà vu.

"Alice, this is all so weird," I whispered, knowing she would hear it even over the roar of her professional blow-dryer.

"I know," she said sympathetically. "You've had one hell of a day already. Are you sure you want to keep running with vampires?"

I smiled a little. "It's not really a choice for me at this point, is it?"

"No," she sighed, and then was silent until she'd finished drying my hair. Once again I had a professional blowout, courtesy of my future sister-in-law. The situation was so surreal I was starting to feel nauseous.

"You really need to eat something, Bella."

"I'm not hungry." The thought of food made my insides heave.

"I know you're not, but you need something in your stomach. Maybe at least some soup?"

"Fine," I muttered, and less than thirty seconds later Esme arrived with an enormous mug of hot chicken noodle soup. The psychic sister-in-law grinned at me.

"Eat. Then we'll talk."

"I don't want to talk," I muttered rebelliously. "I've done enough talking today, and no one is listening anyway."

Alice's eyes softened. "Fine then, I'll talk, you listen."

I took a tentative sip of the soup. "I want to go back upstairs."

"No problem."

She didn't speak again until we settled down onto Edward's black leather couch. I clutched the warm mug of soup close to my chest; Alice was right, I did feel a little better with something in my stomach.

"Bella," Alice started carefully, "I understand better than anyone what an awful day this has been for you. I saw the conversation with your mom. I saw you going to the cemetery. I _can't_ see how the rest of the day is going to go… Edward is so conflicted right now that his future, and yours, is changing faster than I can keep up. At least one of his plans was to throw you on his back tonight and head for Canada."

I snorted and took another deep sip of the soup. "Overreacting?"

"Not really. The rest of us are concerned, you know that. This is a very serious situation now, but Edward is in a very volatile state at the moment, and I want you to be prepared for it. In one week you've had a crash course in almost all things vampire, and you're doing a wonderful job coping with it all. What you and Edward share transcends the current physical differences between you, but you're going to see him in a very different state than ever before.

"Vampires _are_ very different creatures than humans. We are ultimately ruled by our instincts; although the restraint our family practices has given us greater ability to control ourselves when need be. Vampire instinct, however, is a power that has to be experienced; I have no words to adequately explain it. I know you've heard about newborn instincts, that overwhelming and uncontrollable desperation for human blood. Can you truly understand that, Bella? The idea that you would rip your own mother's throat out without a second thought, to drink her blood, and enjoy every moment?"

I shook my head silently.

"We have other instincts as well, some more powerful than others. Self-preservation, of course, as well as a strong aversion to our natural enemies. The need to hunt and feed, even after the newborn years. The strongest instincts, though, are the ones that bind us to our mate. The bonds between us are so powerful that severing them is utterly and completely catastrophic to the mate left behind. I don't think 'catastrophic' really even comes close to explaining it. I've never witnessed a vampire dealing with the loss of their mate, but Jasper has. As I understand it, the loss literally drives the surviving vampire insane."

"Are you saying… if something happened to me…?"

"I don't know." Alice's voice was thoughtful. "What you and Edward share, such a bond between a vampire and a human, I've never known anything like it. Your souls are most definitely connected, but I think that after your change, there will be a final piece clicking into place. Right now he's halfway there, but you aren't yet, you can't be until your change. Think about it, Bella. If I asked you right now if you would die for Edward, or kill for him, would you do it?"

"I would die for him, yes. I don't know why I would need to kill for him, but I think I could if I needed to."

"That's exactly what I mean," she said promptly. "To your human mind, your _rational_ human mind, you would consider the choice and then make it. That's not a criticism of your devotion to him, it's a fact. To Edward, though, there is no choice. The instinct to protect his mate overcomes all others. He would kill for you, he would die for you, to protect you. Had he been in the cemetery today. he _would_ have killed Jacob, and believe me when I say he was still thinking about it after Carlisle got Esme's message. That's why we wanted you to scrub every last bit of that dog smell off of you. Otherwise, it might have pushed him back over the edge. Had Jacob managed to get you down to La Push, no treaty would have stopped Edward. He would have gone straight there and wiped out the entire Quileute tribe if that's what it took to assure your safety."

I gasped. "But that's just so extreme. Jacob couldn't have kept me there. I could have just walked home if it came to that."

She shook her head. "Again, that is the difference between your rational human mind and Edward's instinct to protect his mate. You see his behavior as an overreaction, as him being overly protective and even unreasonable at times. To him, even the slightest threat to your emotional or physical safety warrants immediate action, and there is no such thing as 'too extreme.' You'll understand better after your change. I could sit here and talk all night and still not explain it fully."

I took another long sip of my cooling soup, my mind racing. "Alice, tell me, what exactly _is_ a mate, to a vampire? It's a word that doesn't seem to have a human equivalent, honestly."

"It doesn't," she replied immediately. "Humans form bonds, of course; they love deeply and do amazing things in the name of that love, but a vampire's mate is something greater than all of that. There is love, friendship, companionship, and of course, the great sex." She nudged me playfully, trying to coax a smile, but I just stared back at her over the rim of the mug. "A vampire's mate, though, is all but physically the other half of themselves. Not to say we're incomplete until we find a mate; there are plenty of unmated vampires out there and they are whole and fulfilled. It's more like when you bond with your mate, the two of you create a whole new single being. Which is why losing a mate can drive a vampire insane… could you suffer the loss of fifty percent of yourself without irreparable damage?"

"So it goes without saying that vampires mate for life?"

"Swans do too, you know." This time I did smile at her playful words.

"I wonder why that is? I mean, why is it that vampires form these connections, when humans don't?"

Alice pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around her legs. "Who knows? Maybe it's as simple as a biological difference, just like the other ones between us. Or maybe it's because we physically utilize more of our brains than humans. Maybe that taps into something the human brain doesn't? You should talk to Carlisle about this. He _loves_ discussions like this."

I set my now-empty mug on the floor. "Okay, so what you're trying to tell me is that I shouldn't try to downplay Edward's reaction as being overly-protective when he gets home? That even if I can't _understand_ it, that I should at least recognize it for what it is?"

"That's exactly what I'm saying. His behavior may even scare you, but you need to keep one thing in mind. You are his grounding force, you are his gravity. He will listen to you when no one else can get through to him. Don't try to make light of his words or his actions, and _don't_ underestimate the seriousness of the situation to him. Just try to reassure him as best you can."

"And you can't tell me how it's going to go?"

Her face went blank for a long moment, and then she shook her head. "I'm sorry, Bella. I would if I could. He's just so upset, and he doesn't even know _all_ of what happened. But I know that you understand a little better now, and that makes me feel much more confident. We can all physically restrain him if he tries to do anything reckless, but I really don't think it'll come to that. He'll listen to you."

I turned my head to gaze out the window into the unending forest beyond. "How long do I have?"

"He'll be here very soon, actually."

"Thanks, Alice. I don't know what I'd do without you… I mean that." I swallowed thickly. "I just need to be alone for a few minutes."

She sprang up immediately from the couch. "No problem. I'll keep everyone else away from you." Then she was gone; the soft click of the door behind her the only noise in the sudden heavy silence of the room.

I kept staring out into the woods, not even trying to think any more. It seemed like each day of the past week had been so eventful, so full, that each one lasted a year. It was no wonder that I'd had such a meltdown at Charlie's grave… my life seemed to be moving in fast-forward, too quickly for me to really grasp all the changes that were swirling around me, carrying me forward. A decision was made, and then was changed a moment later. Plans revised because of unforeseen events. Eight days ago I'd been living a different life, now I was flailing, and failing, to keep up. The only constant that I could cling to was Edward. I knew to the depths of my soul that I could cling to him forever and he would never let me fall.

I rested the side of my head on the back of the couch, watching the branches sway outside in the late afternoon light. Alice and her explanation about vampires and their mates… I saw all of Edward's actions over the past week in a new light now. Honestly, I had to give him more credit… the idea of suddenly losing him was horrifying to me in a way I didn't want to ponder. I couldn't pretend to imagine what it must feel like for him, to know that his _mate_ was literally in peril every day.

The words I'd used when I'd asked him to change me… "_I could die of a heart attack right now in your arms. I could die of cancer, I could be hit by a car crossing the street. There is nothing you could do to prevent any of those things from happening, and I don't want you spending your life… my life… trying to keep me alive._" These were his worst nightmares, and I'd casually voiced every one, not realizing he struggled with the knowledge every day; that he fought to keep from frightening _me_ with his own torment. How foolish, how selfish of me to think such things hadn't crossed his mind.

The branches outside blurred as tears filled my eyes, but I scrubbed my fist over them, frustrated. Why couldn't I stop crying? Why couldn't I be strong, and think of what _he _would need from _me_? In return for everything this strange and wonderful family had given me, couldn't I at least pull myself together for the one time they needed _me_?

There was a commotion from downstairs, suddenly loud in the quiet house, and I sat up, startled. A heartbeat later the bedroom door was flung open, and Edward stood there. I barely had time to register his disheveled clothing, wild hair, and panicked wide, black eyes before he was across the room and had me in his arms.

"Bella…" I hardly recognized his voice as he pulled me close to him, then carried me over to the bed. His every move was at vampire speed, and it made me dizzy, so I squeezed my eyes tightly shut. He was trembling as hard as Jacob had been earlier, although this was more of a thrumming vibration, as though an electric current was moving through him. His hands were on my face immediately, his lips following with a desperate intensity that had nothing to do with arousal. He kissed me as though he were trying to reassure himself that I was really there, that every part of me was okay. Alice had been right: I'd seen Edward loosen some control in the heat of passion, but this was an Edward I didn't recognize, and it _did_ scare me.

"I can't… I can't hear you," he choked out. "Please Bella, look at me. Please let me in."

My eyes snapped open immediately, but I was in too much turmoil to form a coherent thought. I felt the jolt as he sank into my mind and his lips parted in a pained groan as he settled there. "Love, I'm so sorry… I had no idea he would ever try to hurt you, or to even come near you."

_He didn't hurt me, I'm okay, Edward._

His teeth sank hard into his lower lip as he heard me, then he shook his head. "This is my fault, all my fault. I should have known better than to leave you here, with them so close. I should have known he would find out somehow…"

_It was all an accident. It happened so fast that even Alice didn't know. It's no one's fault. And I'm okay. Can you feel me in your arms; can you hear my heart beating? I'm okay._

His black eyes drilled into mine and I let the knowledge of the one thing, that one thing, sink far into the back of my consciousness, to where I wouldn't even acknowledge it existed.

"I'm not leaving you alone again."

_Then you haven't heard yet exactly what Esme, Alice, and Rosalie did?_

Surprise flitted briefly across his hard face. "What?"

I showed him the scene from the cemetery: Alice and Rosalie crouched ready and fearless between Jacob and me; Esme's arm wrapped tightly around me; the cold threat underlying her words as she spoke to Sam.

Edward's lips parted again, this time in astonishment. "They did that?"

_I wouldn't want any of them mad at me. Rosalie especially. _

He took in a deep shuddering breath. "I owe them… so much."

_I get the feeling there's a LOT that needs to be explained to me, Edward._

"Yes," he said softly, finally shutting his eyes and lowering his head until his forehead pressed against mine. "It was stupid of me not to tell you before, but you're handling everything so well… I didn't want to push you."

"Tell me now," I whispered aloud.

"The Quileutes… they have some kind of genetic quirk… I don't know how to explain it any more than I can explain why we exist. But they are shape-shifters; they can assume animal form to protect themselves and the tribe. In this case, they assume the form of wolves, hence the legends about the Quileutes being descended from wolves."

I sucked in a sharp breath, and he pulled quickly away from me, his eyes immediately fixing back on my own.

_THAT explains why they kept calling them dogs!_

Edward collapsed back against me again, a choked laugh wrenching from his throat. "I prefer 'mutt' myself, but yes. They aren't true werewolves, although they like to think of themselves as such, but they are our natural enemy nevertheless."

He laid against me for a long time, supporting most of his weight on his forearms, his lips against the pulse point of my neck and his hand over my heart. Very slowly, the quivering in his body began to diminish, and then ceased altogether. I was careful to keep my thoughts as quiet and calm as possible until he finally laid a gentle kiss against my throat and pulled his body slightly apart from mine. "I'm sorry if I scared you."

"Alice and I… talked." I replied hesitantly. "But I don't want to go into that right now."

His brow creased a little. "Are you sure you're okay?"

I raised my left hand to gently push the hair back from his forehead. "I'm here, aren't I? Don't you know there's nothing in the world that can take me away from you?"

A real smile came to his lips now, his eyes brightening. "Not if the women of my family have anything to say about it, apparently."

"They were amazing," I agreed, gently stroking my fingertips over his brow. "Do you want to talk more now, or do you want to go downstairs?"

He sighed softly and cocked his head, then turned back to me after a moment. "According to Alice, Carlisle and my brothers will be here in exactly eighteen minutes."

I trailed my fingers down his cheek to his lips. "Do you know exactly what happened today?"

"Esme told Carlisle that Jacob tried to take you to La Push." His jaw clenched and I automatically began stroking his cheek. "And that he knows you are aware of our _existence _now."

_Yes, but I think he's backed off. And they don't know about you and I_.

"I guess that's good," he muttered grudgingly. "Although if he comes near you again…"

_I don't think he wants anything to do with me now._

"All the better," he growled, then winced.

_What's wrong?_

He sighed. "If you didn't know before that it's possible to scream at someone through their thoughts, you do now. Alice keeps yelling at me to _chill out_."

_Did you really run the whole way here?_

"Most of the way. There was an accident slowing down traffic, and I couldn't just sit. I was on auto-pilot by that point anyway, and I knew I could get here more quickly on my own."

_Did you run faster than you did with me on your back?_

"Much faster than that," he confirmed, rolling onto his side and pulling me against his body. He kissed my lips gently, and then pulled back again just far enough to maintain eye contact. "There was nothing that could convince me you were actually safe until I saw it for myself."

_I missed you today._

"Don't worry; I'm not leaving your side again until after you're safely changed."

_That's NOT what I meant!_

"I know that, but it doesn't change anything. The idea that someone deliberately set out to hurt you, to take you from me, and that I wasn't here to protect you… it was my very worst nightmares brought to life."

My breath left me as if I'd been punched and tears suddenly filled my eyes again. His hand flew to my face as anxiety creased his features. "Bella? Love? What's wrong?"

"I'm sorry," I choked out loud. "I'm so sorry, I didn't know…" I squeezed my eyes tightly shut and curled up against his chest as a deep sob ripped from my throat.

"What? You have nothing to be sorry for, Bella…please tell me what's wrong!"

"Alice told me… I didn't know, when I was asking you… I'm so sorry, Edward. I didn't understand…"

His arms tightened like a vise around me. "What didn't you understand?"

"How it feels for you, every time I thought you were just overreacting…" I pulled slightly away from him and immediately his cool fingers were wiping the tears away from my eyes. I couldn't completely articulate the guilt I felt over unknowingly using his own worst fears against him, as a bargaining chip even, but I knew he understood when his eyes widened and his breathing stopped.

"Noooo… Bella…" He pulled me crushingly against his chest again. "There's no way you could have known any of that."

"But for me to have thrown it all in your face, as though you didn't live with it every day already…" My voice was muffled against his chest and through my tears, but I knew he understood every word.

"You didn't throw anything in my face, love. You just acknowledged that you were just as aware of how fragile you really are as I am." His hand began stroking the back of my head. "I've lived with those fears every moment of every day since the first time I realized that I loved you. I've done everything in my power to eliminate any possibility that you and I could be parted. Hearing you admit that you knew how _mortal_ you are was more reassuring to me than if you'd insisted that _nothing_ could ever happen to you. Don't you think I'd rather hear you recognize those reasons, than to have you to believe you could live forever otherwise?"

I pulled back and his hands were again on my face, wiping away tears. "I just didn't realize how it affected you…"

"And you can't fully realize, until after your change." He spoke gently now. "I have absolutely no doubt of your love for me, in fact I can't wait to see how much more love you're capable of."

"How could you stand it before a week ago? Protecting me from far away?"

His crooked grin flashed briefly across his face. "It was _extremely _difficult, especially after you went to live with the Blacks. Alice's threats and promises helped quite a bit, though."

"I don't have a fraction of your strength," I murmured.

In a flash his hand was under my chin, lifting my head and forcing me to meet his eyes. "You can't truly believe that, can you? Bella, you are far stronger than you know. Everything you've gone through before last Friday, and then everything since… you've lived through a lifetime's worth in a week."

"It felt that way, today," I confessed. "I feel like every time we make a decision, _something_ happens to change it."

"Part of living this life is constant adaptation," he admitted slowly. "I can't promise you stability, Bella. We've had to drop everything and move at a moment's notice before."

"If I have you, then I have stability."

"You'll always have me," he vowed. I whimpered faintly as he kissed me, tasting the remnants of my tears on his lips. He gently shifted my body into his until both his hands were free to roam over me. I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him more deeply. The softest of moans rumbled in his chest as I felt the last of his tension melt away, and my own body relaxed under his hands. Kiss followed kiss, each more deep and lingering.

_I love you…_

"I love you," he mumbled against my lips. "You are my life, Bella. You are my soul." He kissed me again, harder this time, then lifted his head. "I would like to keep you up here for the rest of the day and night, but Carlisle, Jasper, and Emmett are back."

I looked up at him, my arms still looped around his neck. "It's serious, isn't it?"

"Yes."

"Esme said this changes everything?"

"Yes. You remember what I told you in the car a week ago?"

"I remember everything you told me," I replied slowly.

"We may have to leave sooner than we'd planned."

"Okay."

"We'll see what Carlisle thinks… I can't think of anything but you right now."

I finally smiled. "That's fine with me."

He kissed me lightly again, stood, and then scooped me up in his arms.

"Edward… put me down!"

"No way."

"You can't carry me around like a baby… you promised!" I laughed.

"I could throw you over my shoulder instead," he offered, moving into the hall and towards the stairway.

"Caveman!" I squirmed in his arms.

"Vampire," he corrected, now halfway down the second flight of stairs. "We're just as bad. Ask Carlisle, he knows."

"Very funny," I heard Carlisle reply, and I immediately wiggled against Edward's arms until he finally set me down. "It's nice to see you smiling now, at the very least."

"I just needed to see her."

"I know." Carlisle sighed, and ran his hand through his blond hair. "We all need to talk, immediately."

Edward captured my hand in his and we went together into the living room, where the rest of the Cullens were already gathered. Alice and Jasper were squeezed close together, whispering quietly, while Emmett had Rosalie planted firmly on his lap. Carlisle went over and pressed a kiss to Esme's lips before sitting down next to her. Edward tugged me over to the loveseat and pulled me down next to him, both his arms wrapped firmly around my waist.

Carlisle's soft golden eyes moved over each member of his family before finally coming to rest on me. "Tell us everything that happened," he started, without preamble.

"I went to the cemetery, to visit Charlie's grave. Just as I was leaving, Jake came out of nowhere. I almost didn't recognize him, he's… _huge_. I mean, it's like he grew a foot and put on a hundred pounds of muscle since I last saw him. He asked whose car I was driving, and I said it was a friend's. I gave him a hug and he just… freaked out."

"He recognized our scent on you," Carlisle said quietly.

"He must have, he knew right away whose car it was, but I told him it was Alice's. I didn't think it would be a good idea for him to know about Edward. And he just lost it… he kept begging me to come down to La Push. He told me that he'd explain everything, if I'd just go with him. And I told him no, and that I was leaving… that was when Esme, Alice, and Rosalie showed up."

"He almost shifted right in front of her, at that point." Esme spoke then. "I pulled her back far enough that I could get her away, if need be."

Carlisle's eyes returned to me. "He didn't hurt you?"

I hesitated, not sure if this was the time or place, but Edward suddenly stiffened next to me and snapped his head towards Rosalie. She glared back at him, and before I could stop him, Edward had pushed back my right shirt sleeve. My bruised wrist looked even worse than it had earlier, and the room went silent as everyone stopped breathing.

Finally, there was a low growl from deep inside Edward's chest. "Did _he_ do this to you?" he asked, teeth clenched.

"Yes," I replied quietly.

"Were you going to tell me?"

"Yes, after you'd settled down." I felt the trembling begin in his body again, and I quickly slipped my sleeve back down over the bruise.

"I will rip his hands off… before I kill him… for touching you."

"Edward," Carlisle interjected, "Please, calm down."

Edward continued to tremble, and I quickly slipped my hand into his clenched fist. _Please Edward… I need your stability right now_.

He shut his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. After a moment his trembling stopped and he gave Carlisle a curt nod.

"What happened then, Bella?"

"Um, Sam Uley and Embry Call, two of the guys from La Push, showed up then. And then, I guess…" I shrugged at Esme who smoothly took over the story from there.

"They told us to remember the terms of the treaty, and I warned them that any attempt on Jacob's part to attack our family, or to take Bella against her will, would be a very bad idea. They said they would be watching us, and then they took Jacob into the woods. We came home, and Jacob called Bella, again asking her to come to La Push."

Carlisle turned to Alice, who sat wrapped in Jasper's arms. "You are unable to see them in your visions?"

She shook her head, the frustration from earlier flitting across her face again. "I didn't see him approach her in the cemetery until it was literally happening, and then her entire future just _vanished_. Then when he called her, I wasn't able to see anything around her until he hung up on her. It's as though anything with their involvement punches a giant black hole in my vision. I don't see anything happening at the moment, but I don't trust my vision where they're concerned."

Carlisle was quiet for a long moment. "As I understand it then, no terms of the treaty were breached. I'm thankful for that. And it sounds as though their current leader, this Sam Uley, wants to continue abiding by it as well. In terms of the current relations between us and the Quileutes, we don't have to be concerned." Edward growled again and Carlisle held up his hand. "However, we do have reason to be concerned about Jacob Black. It sounds as though he must have just started shifting since you last saw him, Bella, and they are _extremely_ volatile during their first few months."

"What could have happened?"

"First and foremost, if he'd lost control and shifted while too close to you, he could have killed you. It's a very violent change. I saw it happen a few times when we were here before."

"Jake could have _killed_ me?" I whispered, disbelieving.

"Accidentally, but yes. Again, they are very unpredictable beings during their first few months of shifting. Would you have ever imagined he would hurt your wrist the way he did?"

"No," I admitted.

"He obviously hasn't learned to control himself yet, and his anger towards us was instead directed at you. It could have been much, much worse. I'm also extremely concerned that he was so insistent on trying to get you to La Push… he clearly knows the terms of the treaty, specifically that we vowed never to set foot on their land. Whether he'd hoped it would keep you away from us, or whether he thought it would lead to a fight which he counted on winning, I can't say." He was quiet again for a long moment. "The question now is: what do we do?"

"Why is that even a question?" Edward snapped. "Obviously we need to get the hell out of here. I _will_ kill him if he comes after Bella again, Carlisle, you know that."

"None of us are letting him near Bella." Emmett finally spoke. "I'll rip his legs off and ram them down his throat before I let that happen again."

I flinched, trying not to think of _my _Jacob, the one I remembered from before.

"My concern is that if we suddenly leave Forks after this incident, and that if Bella coincidentally disappears at the same time without sufficient explanation, that it would raise even more suspicion," Carlisle mused. "The situation is already strained enough. I don't want to give them a reason for taking any action they feel is justified to 'rescue' Bella, as it were."

"I agree," Esme said softly.

"I do too," I whispered, and Edward's jaw dropped as he turned to me.

"After what he did today…"

"Carlisle is right."

"Bella," he shook his head. "I can't take that chance with you. You know that now."

"Okay, could we consider, um, worst-case scenario? What is the absolute worst that could happen? Even if Jake somehow managed to drag me down to La Push, he can't keep me there against my will. If I called the police and told them he'd kidnapped me, what could he do? Tell them he's protecting me from a horde of vampires?"

Jasper chuckled and I felt emboldened to continue.

"Or even if he did find out about Edward and I, that's still not violating the terms of the treaty, right?"

"We swore not to trespass on their land _or_ to take a human life," Carlisle reminded me. "Edward changing you falls under that category."

"Then Jacob simply won't find out," I said. "I'll talk to him again, over the phone, tell him I'm moving to Jacksonville to live with my mom. We weren't going to change me here anyway. I'll finish out the semester here, pack up, and move."

"What if he comes to your apartment in Port Angeles? Wouldn't it be safer for you to stay here?" Emmett asked.

"Not if I want everything to appear normal. They probably already think it's weird enough that I'm friends with you all and know about you as it is. They'd definitely know something was up if they heard I'd moved in here."

"I agree with Bella," Carlisle spoke firmly. "Keeping up as normal an appearance as possible will calm any suspicions they may currently have about our motives." He smiled at me. "It will give you good practice for being a Cullen."

"I don't think…" Edward began, but Carlisle held up his hand again.

"Bella, one of us will be with you at all times. Even if he does show up unexpectedly at your apartment, if they know about your friendship with the family they won't necessarily consider it odd to find one of us there. Go to your classes, and if he approaches you at the school, remain calm and stay in public. You and Edward are going to visit your mother over Thanksgiving?"

I shook my head and I saw Edward lift his eyebrows in surprise.

_I'll tell you about THAT later_.

"In that case, let's continue to get ready for the move. It goes without saying that none of us should mention to _anyone_ where we are going. I'll tell the hospital that we're going to… Ithaca." This time I smiled at him.

"In the meantime, let's try our best to avoid any kind of confrontation with the Quileutes. A breach in the treaty, and what would ensue, is the last thing we need the Volturi getting wind of. Does anyone have any other concerns?"

There was silence in the room; I could actually hear my own heart beating.

"Well then, I suggest…" His next words were cut off by the muffled ringing of my cell phone in my back pocket. I blushed, forgetting that the Cullens almost always left theirs on the vibrate alert.

"Sorry," I muttered, grabbing to hit the mute button, but Edward reached over and pulled it from my hand.

"It says, _The Blacks_," he said flatly.

"That's their house number," I replied, holding out my hand for the phone. It rang again and after a moment Edward handed it to me. I looked at Carlisle, who nodded.

"Hello?"

"Bella?" It was Billy's voice.

"Hi Billy."

"Are you all right?"

"Yes, I'm fine."

"I'm sorry for Jake's behavior earlier." His voice was incredibly sad and it tugged at my heart. "I hope you can forgive him. He was taken aback by the news…"

"Yes, I know."

"Are you with them now?"

"Yes."

"May I please speak with Dr. Cullen?"

Carlisle was at my side before I could even lift the phone away from my ear, and I handed it to him immediately. "Hello, Mr. Black." He listened for a long time, and then spoke again, his voice polite and calm. "I understand and appreciate your concern for Bella. Although I can only offer you my word, please understand that neither I nor any of my family means her any harm. I must ask that you make Jacob understand that she has free will, and may associate with anyone she chooses. We will not hesitate to come to her aid if he again attempts to force her to do anything against her will. I was extremely concerned when I heard he'd injured her wrist in the confrontation from earlier." Another long silence as he listened. "Yes, I understand that, however we will continue to respect the terms of the treaty as long as there is no threat to my family or our friends… yes, of course, absolutely. One moment, please." He handed the phone back to me.

"Billy?"

He sounded resigned now. "Bella, are you sure you're all right? You _want_ to be around them?"

"Yes, Billy. They're my friends."

"You know you can call on us anytime, if you need help, regardless of what Jake said earlier."

"I know that. Please don't worry… I'm moving to Jacksonville after this semester, to live with my mother."

"Are you really?" He sounded surprised.

"Yes, you can call her and ask if you like." I knew he wouldn't, Billy was no fan of Renee's.

"Will you come see us again before you leave?"

I smiled sadly. "Yes, absolutely. I'll call you before then, okay?"

"Okay, Bella. We're here if you need us. Just remember that we're your family too."

"I know. Goodbye Billy."

I clicked the phone shut and looked around at the assembled Cullens. "I guess that's that."

"I'm sorry you have to lie for us," Esme said with regret.

"She'd better get used to it," was Rosalie's brusque response.

"Hey Bella," Emmett asked excitedly, "Is it true that my girl here was ready to beat some werewolf ass on your behalf?"

"Oh God," Edward muttered under his breath.

"Yes Emmett, she was ready to beat some werewolf ass for me."

He squeezed Rosalie's hips. "_Damn_ baby, that's hot. No one crosses _my_ girl, she'll mess you up. Come on!"

In the blink of an eye they were both gone, and I turned to see Carlisle and Edward apparently engaged in a silent conversation. After a moment, Edward turned to me and sighed. "Let's go talk."

He was careful to take my left hand and squeezed it tightly as we returned to his bedroom. "I wish you would have told me about your wrist instead of me hearing about it from Rosalie."

"I know, and I'm sorry. But I was afraid it would be the last straw for you at that moment."

"Yes," he agreed reluctantly, "You're probably right about that." He switched on the overhead lights and carefully took my right hand, pushed back the sleeve, and hissed when he saw the purple mark encircling my wrist. "He'd better hope to God that our paths don't cross before we leave here."

"Remember what Carlisle said…"

He groaned. "Yes, I know. What's this about us not going to see your mother?"

"Let's just say that her 'round-the-world holiday booze cruise is more important than seeing her daughter right now." I recounted the conversation quickly for him in my mind and he pulled me into his arms.

"I'm sorry, love. What do you want to do?"

"I don't want to wait."

"I'm selfish enough to be glad of that."

"You're not selfish. She'll just have to wait, just as she wants me to do right now."

"We're talking about years, Bella," he warned me.

"I know. Trust me when I say she won't notice how quickly they go by."

Edward was quiet for a moment. "There's something else that Carlisle wants me to talk to you about."

"I noticed that. What is it?"

"He thinks that we should get married sooner rather than later. _Much_ sooner."

"Ooookay. Why?"

"If we were married, I would legally be your next of kin. If Jacob does try anything stupid, like attempt to kidnap you and keep you against your will, it would have more weight for your husband to go to the police about it. Carlisle wants to take any and all precautions necessary, and to maintain the treaty for as long as possible. Also…as your next of kin I would have certain other legal rights…if you were incapacitated or in the hospital…"

"Enough talking about that," I said quickly. "How soon is soon?"

His crooked grin reappeared finally. "He said he could pull in a favor and have a judge out here to marry us tomorrow."

"Whoa, he means… _soon_. Well, all right then."

"Is that what you want?" He looked a little sad.

"I want whatever is necessary to get us to _happily ever after_, Edward. What do you want?" I tugged him towards the bed as I spoke.

He growled. "I want people to stop messing with my marriage proposal."

I climbed onto the bed and he followed me. "What if I proposed to _you_?"

"No good. I'm an old-fashioned boy. I want to do this properly."

"Huh… funny, you seem to forget about being old-fashioned as soon as the lights go out."

"I'm not _that_ old-fashioned."

I laughed. "Come here." I reclined back against the mountain of pillows at the head of the bed and held my arms out to him. He crawled up over my body and settled slowly against me, gently resting his ear against my chest, just over my heart. "I get the feeling we're going to end up married soon, although if you'd told me that a week ago, I would have died laughing. I think Carlisle has the right idea; we can have a quick, practical _legal_ wedding here, and then have something a little more formal later if you'd like."

"Would you like something more formal?"

"No," I said thoughtfully. "I don't need the white dress and flowers and cake and all. I want you, and when it comes down to it, the ceremony is all that's important."

"Bella," he moaned, "I had it all planned out. There were going to be flowers, and candles, I was going to make you a wonderful dinner…"

"Flowers and candles and romantic dinners are overrated." I kissed the top of his head. "What you and I have together, right here and now, between the two of us… _that's _the important thing."

"I don't deserve you," he mumbled into my shirt.

"Tell you what… why don't you share with me everything you were planning to say in your proposal, and I'll give you a formal yes or no."

He slowly turned his head until his chin rested gently against my breastbone, his beautiful topaz eyes meeting mine. "I was going to tell you how, until I met you, I was convinced that I didn't have a soul. That I was damned to wander the earth alone until someone or something found a way to finish me off."

_This isn't very romantic so far, Edward._

"Give me a chance, I'm just getting started. I was going to tell you that from the moment I met you, something somewhere deep inside of me must have recognized you, because even as I was fighting the insanity of bloodlust, I found the strength to resist. I was going to tell you that the moment I realized there was something more between us, that it was the first ray of light I'd had in a very long, dark existence. For the first time, I had _hope_.

"I was going to tell you about how I was willing to wait for you, even if it took years longer than it actually did. I was willing to follow you, watch over you, wait for the moment when I was worthy of you. I still don't know if I _am_ worthy of you, but every day, every time I see your beautiful face, every moment you let me into your beautiful mind, you remind me to _try_."

_Ohhh…_

"And most importantly of all, I was going to tell you that you alone have convinced me that somewhere, deep down inside, I must have a soul. Only because I know that anyone as kind, beautiful, and capable of so much _love_ must recognize a soul, even if it has lost its way. You brought me back my soul, Bella. You brought me back to life."

His eyes studied me for a long moment before he spoke again. "It's tough for me to read your mind when those beautiful eyes are filled with tears, you know."

"There is nothing I could say that can match that," I whispered.

"I thought you were going to give me a yes or no answer?"

"You haven't asked me yet."

For the first time all day, his smile was wide and genuine. "Of course, I forgot the most important part. Isabella Marie Swan, love of my very long life, will you marry me? Will you become my wife, my heart, my soul, my mate for all of our eternity?"

_Yes, Edward Anthony Masen Cullen, I will marry you. I love you._

He lifted up to kiss me, his lips meeting mine in a kiss that started off gentle, and ended up deepening ever-so slowly. I moaned softly as his lips dragged mine apart, allowing his cool tongue inside my mouth. It tangled smoothly with mine, still tender but with the promise of greater things to come. When he pulled away long enough for me to draw in a breath, I whispered against his marble lips.

"Hold on there, Romeo. Do you have the ring?"

He chuckled, his hand going immediately to the bedside table. He opened the drawer and pulled out the little black velvet box. He opened it and quickly removed the ring, sliding it carefully onto my left ring finger and kissing my hand before answering me.

"Of course I do. Alice told me to make sure I brought it this weekend."

* * *

A/N: Obviously things are far from settled and squared away, but what do you think of the Cullens' plans so far? Seems like Billy and Sam are resigned to Bella running with vampires, but will they be able to keep a leash on Jake? Well, if he tries anything, at least now we know that Rosalie is fully prepared to deliver a werewolf ass-beating! Let me know your thoughts in the comments, I LOVE hearing what you all think about the story so far!

A great big hug and kiss and thank you to Brits23 for pimping IDBiV at the end of her last chapter of "Laid Bare." I KNOW you're all reading it (right?!?), come over and join Team VILTF on her Twilighted thread! www (DOT) twilighted (DOT) net/forum/viewtopic (DOT) php?f=44&t=7529 Bitey rocks my world!

Many thanks and big hugs for my super-beta Stratan, who cranked this chapter out for you all **over the holiday**! Damn I am blessed!

Swing by and say hello on the IDBiV Twilighted thread: www (DOT) twilighted (DOT) net/forum/viewtopic (DOT) php?f=33&t=7736

Happy 2010!!!!!!!


	12. Chapter 12

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and its characters. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Chapter Twelve**

I should have known that the tiny terror of the Cullen family, the vampire tornado named Alice, would never let my wedding day be just "practical." When Edward and I came downstairs Sunday morning, the heavy scent of roses was the first thing to greet us. They were _everywhere_ in the living room; in dozens of heavy crystal vases, along with numerous unlit candles. The furniture had been rearranged to allow for a single open area. I turned to gape at Edward. "Did you know she was doing this?"

He shrugged, a slight grin on his face. "I was afraid to get in her way."

Just then Alice herself came zooming out of the kitchen. "Bella! Okay. Go eat, because we've got _so much _to do today. The judge is getting here at noon, so we've got to have everything perfect before then…"

"Whoa. Alice. Stop. What have you done?"

"Nothing you won't thank me for later." She smiled sweetly at me.

"You didn't… invite anyone, did you?"

She huffed. "Like who, the wolves? No, it'll just be family since we're trying to keep this a secret for now. Oh, and the judge, but Carlisle is paying him enough to keep his mouth shut."

"Oh my God," I moaned, and Alice rolled her eyes.

"Come on, eat your breakfast _now_. Edward, you go hunt. I don't want you anywhere near here until it's time for you to come back and get ready."

"Yes ma'am," he replied chuckling, before pulling me close for a kiss. "I'm sorry about all this."

"You have nothing to be sorry for," I muttered. "But can't we just sneak out and fly to Vegas?"

"No!" was Alice's immediate shriek, and Edward backed out of the room, his hands held up in self-defense.

Esme was waiting in the kitchen with a light breakfast, a happy smile on her face. "Bella, I'm so pleased about this… I wish it was for different reasons, of course, but this means so much to our family."

"Thank you," I murmured, starting on the English muffins and orange juice. "It seems a little surreal, today is my _wedding day_. I mean, when did that happen?"

"I know," she replied sympathetically. "Logically it's the smartest thing to do right now, but you must feel like you're on a runaway train."

"Don't make her nervous," Alice fretted.

"I'm not nervous," I lied. "Alice, what all did you _do_ overnight? And where in the world did you get all those roses?"

"Nothing is impossible with the right connections and enough money," she said airily. "I have a dress for you too."

"Ummm,"

"You'll _love_ it, I promise. It's not a typical wedding dress. Oh, and I got you some new white La Perla lingerie. And booked you a honeymoon."

I stared at her, stunned into silence.

"Don't worry, it's just tonight, and you won't be going too far away. But you can't have a wedding without some kind of celebration, right?"

"I… um…"

"Oh, and I, well…" For the first time she looked slightly nervous. "I picked up the rings too."

"Rings?" I was beyond stunned at this point.

"Yes, well, rings for Edward anyway. He bought your wedding band when he got the engagement ring. But I got a few so you could pick out the one you like best for him."

I pushed back from the table. "I think I'm going to pass out."

Esme's face immediately creased in concern, and she put her arm around me. "Put your head down between your knees. And breathe. Alice, stop the planning for just a moment."

"I need air," I said faintly.

A few seconds later I felt my coat wrap around my shoulders and Esme gently rubbed my back. "Do you want me to help you outside?"

"No, I'll be okay… I just need a minute. I'll be back in, I promise. To pick out a ring." With that I stumbled towards the back door, welcoming the icy blast of air that hit my face as I stepped outside. My head cleared almost immediately as I stood there, but I soon started shivering. I didn't want to go back inside just yet, but there was no way I could stand outside like this.

On impulse, I walked slowly over to the garage. Just as I'd hoped, Rosalie was there, half-hidden under the hood of my truck. I walked over to the wooden crate I'd already claimed as my own and plopped down, not even trying to be graceful about it. Rosalie finished whatever she was tinkering with before she threw me a glance.

"So are you the runaway bride now, or what?"

I buried my face in my hands. "No, just overwhelmed."

"Not ready?"

"No, it's not that… this is just too much, too fast. You know Edward and I have only been _together_ for just over a week, right?"

She snorted, making even that sound lovely. "Of course."

"I've known Edward for almost two years, but we've only been together for just over a week, and then after all the shit that happened yesterday… all of a sudden I wake up today and it's my wedding day. I'm feeling a little lost, to say the least."

To her credit, Rosalie seemed to stop and think about my words before responding. "So you're not having second thoughts?"

"No," I said vehemently. "It's not that. I know I don't even have the faintest clue about what you all feel for each other. I know I love him, I'm meant to be with him. I don't doubt that at all. But it's just been a _week_, and apparently we're getting _married_ today. I don't want to complain because I don't want him to think it's not what I want…"

"_Is_ it what you want?" she asked bluntly.

"Yes. I mean, marriage has never been a big deal to me, but I know it's very important to him, which makes it very important to me. And Carlisle's reasons for the whole thing make sense, based on, um… recent events. Speaking of which, I meant to thank you…"

She turned away sharply. "No thanks needed. I know you were friends with the mutt beforehand, but he was completely out of line."

"Okay," I responded slowly. "Never mind that, then. Alice said something this morning, about how she'd picked out a bunch of different wedding rings, for me to pick one as Edward's. And it just… blew my mind."

Rosalie laid the wrench she was using on a workbench and slowly approached me. "Okay, listen… has Edward told you anything about me?"

I considered my words carefully before speaking. "Not really. The only thing he's said is that you were changed after a traumatic experience in your life, but he didn't tell me details."

She sat carefully on the front bumper of the truck. "Okay, I guess I appreciate that. Our stories are our own to tell. But he was right… I was changed immediately after one of the most horrifying experiences any woman could ever go through."

Something clicked in my brain. "You were…?"

"Raped," she said bluntly. "Attacked and raped, and left in the street for dead. And not just by any random psychopaths, but by my fiancé and his friends. Does that qualify as a 'traumatic experience' to you?"

I froze for an instant, the words _I'm sorry_ were of course the first ones to my lips, but something about Rosalie's expression made me reconsider. "Yes, it would," I replied instead.

She sighed just a little. "I know you've heard over and over that you're essentially frozen as you were at the time of your change. And maybe I should have told you what happened to me when we talked before. That's why I make no apologies for how I feel about certain things, even as I recognize that I have free will to try and change how I feel about them. It's very different for us, and apparently you'll be finding that out very soon." She stopped for a moment, her eyes looking beyond me. "I guess I'll just try and give you some advice, based on what I've experienced."

"I'd appreciate that."

Her lovely face was contemplative. "When I first woke up, part of me was horrified at what I'd become, part of me was thankful for the chance to make _them_ pay. I'll tell you _that_ story some other day. But overall, at first, I hated myself, and Carlisle. I would rather have been left to die on the street than to have been given this life, if you can call it that. And I felt that way more intensely for a very long time, much more so than I do now. I was very bitter and hateful up until the day I found Emmett.

"What you'll have with Edward is the same bond I have with Emmett. I can't imagine life, no, _existence_ without him. From the moment I first laid eyes on him, as horrible as the circumstances were, I knew there was a purpose to my being there at that moment. We'd never have crossed paths otherwise, and in that moment everything made sense."

She was quiet for a long moment. "What Alice told you yesterday, about vampires and their mates, it's all so true. She put it better than I ever think I could have. All I know is that I would cease to exist without him. I would do anything for him. Because he _is_ part of me now, and there is no _me_ without _him_. So I can't claim to understand why you're freaking out now, especially since you were planning on doing it all eventually anyway."

"You don't think this is too much, too fast?"

She shrugged and leaned back against the front of the truck. "Bella, with us, there is no such thing as 'too much, too fast,' it either is or it isn't. It's yes or no, black or white. Do you want to be with him for the rest of your life, however long or eternal that may be?"

"Yes." My reply was immediate and automatic.

"Well then go marry him."

I blinked at her.

"Do I need to spell it out for you?"

I laughed shakily and stood up from my crate. "Rose, would you kick my ass if I tell you that I really love you right now?"

"Yes, I would," she replied, standing too. "And I've got work to do on this piece of junk, if you want to drive it any time soon. So get back in there and let Alice have her fun so she shuts up, and at the end of the day, you and Edward will both be happy, right?"

"I think that's the plan."

She sighed. "Another Cullen. Now get back inside before Alice comes in here looking for you, and I have to throw you both out."

"Okay. And thanks."

"No problem," was the last thing I heard from her, before she ducked back under the hood of my old rusted truck.

***

Alice was more subdued when I returned to the house, a remorseful look on her pretty face.

"Bella… I'm really sorry if I went overboard with this."

"No, Alice," I pulled in a deep breath, "Overboard would have been renting a church and hall overnight. I think this will be perfect."

"You're not mad at me?"

"No, not at all. I just had a minor freak-out. It's okay."

She looked at me for a moment, contemplating. "I don't mean to say this as a guilt-trip, or to make you feel like this is all something you _have_ to do… but it means a lot to Edward."

"Old-fashioned boy, right?"

"Exactly!" She grinned, her exuberance slowly returning. "And you can tell me if you're not happy with anything. I just really wanted to make this special and memorable for the both of you."

Impetuously, I moved towards her and pulled her into a hug. Her returning embrace was much tighter than mine, of course, but I let her squeeze me until the air left my lungs in a soft grunt. She immediately released me. "So, about the ring…?"

"That was incredibly thoughtful," I finished immediately. "How many did you pick out?"

"Fifteen," she replied, taking my hand in hers. We were halfway up the stairs before I was able to reply.

"Fifteen? Alice…"

"Oh, don't worry about it," she laughed. "I just guessed that would be the most the two of you would look at together if you were doing this on your own, and I can return all the others."

Breathe in, breathe out. "Okay, let's do that first, then. If I do pass out, you can just prop me up in the chair for makeup and hair."

"Oh Bella!" She pulled me into the oversized bathroom that was already beginning to feel like my second home. "I'm going to _love_ having you as a sister! Now sit down!"

I obediently plunked into the stylist's chair, no longer willing to resist Hurricane Alice. She pulled out a large black hinged leather case, opening it to display rows of rings nestled in dark velvet. I licked my lips and looked over them quickly. She'd picked everything from bands with rows of tiny diamonds to entwined trinity rings. My glance immediately fell to one in the corner and I reached to pick it up. "This one."

"Hmm, somehow I knew you'd choose that one." She smirked, and snapped the lid shut before I could pick it up.

"You being psychic had _nothing_ to do with it."

"Of course not. That one is just perfect for him. I'll hold onto it, and don't forget to put your engagement ring on a different finger until after the ceremony."

I did it immediately. "Alice… how did you know to tell him to bring the engagement ring this weekend?"

She giggled and twisted the swiveling chair until I faced away from the mirrors. "I swear I honestly didn't see_ all _of this coming. My visions can be very random at times, and it just so happened that this time I happened to catch a flash of Edward proposing to you. I figured it wouldn't hurt to be prepared, right?"

"Well, thank you for that too. So where are we going on our honeymoon?"

"That's a surprise you'll find out later. Now sit back and relax."

I tried to do just that as she went to work on my hair and makeup. The butterflies in my stomach hadn't all disappeared, but at least I didn't feel like fainting again. Alice finally stepped back with a pleased smile on her face.

"Okay, don't look yet. I don't want you to see yourself until you've got the dress on."

"I won't peek," I promised, and Alice zipped away, coming back almost immediately carrying a garment bag and a smaller shopping bag, a shoebox tucked under her arm.

"Okay, I'll let you get into the underwear yourself, but then yell when you're done because you're going to need help putting the dress on without spoiling your hair."

"Gee, thanks for that," I said dryly.

"No problem!"

After she left the room and shut the door, I dug through the small shopping bag and found a beautiful white matching bra and panty set along with a garter belt and thigh-high stockings. "_Alice_! Hell no!"

"Do it for Edward!" was her returning shout.

"I don't even know how to put _this_ on!"

"Trust me, you'll figure it out! And Bella… put the panties on last, _over_ the garter belt!"

"Why?"

"Trust me!"

"Trust her," I grumbled to myself, stripping down to nothing. The bra was easy to put on; I figured the stockings were next. After those were in place, but threatening to slide down my legs, I quickly tugged the garter belt on, and then the panties. I felt somewhat more covered, but as I looked down at the clasps on the ends of the garter belt, I was completely confused. They were supposed to hook on to the stockings somehow? And how was I supposed to reach the ones in the back? I was going to be in here all day and miss my own wedding at this rate.

There was a soft giggle outside the door. "Need help?"

I could feel my face turning bright red, but I knew I was out of options. "Come on in."

Alice flitted in immediately and had the first two clips hooked into the stockings before I could even begin feeling awkward about it.

"In my defense, I've never had a reason to wear one of these, you know."

"I know," she replied simply, fastening the last two clips. "Now, for your dress… are you ready?"

I nodded and she snatched up the garment bag. "Okay, close your eyes again and just let me dress you. I want you to get the full effect all at once."

I shut my eyes and felt soft warm material being carefully arranged over my head and settling onto my shoulders. I lifted my arms and moved when Alice told me to, feeling like a department store mannequin. The dress slid smoothly down my body, and then Alice's tiny hands were tugging and arranging.

"Okay, now look at me!"

I slowly opened my eyes. Alice studied me carefully from head to toe before an enormous smile broke across her face. "You look _gorgeous_, Bella!"

"Can I look yet?"

"Yes!"

I sucked in a deep breath and slowly turned to face the mirrors. For a moment, I was literally stunned… there was no way the woman in that mirror could be me. My hair was pulled softly back from my face, cascading in waves down my back; the makeup was light but perfect. And the dress… it was incredible. It was an off-white sweater dress with a low-cut neckline, a thin knit material that hugged curves I wasn't aware I had.

"The dress is cashmere and silk, and I have a matching coat for later," Alice said proudly. "Are you happy?"

"I have no words."

"Good, that's exactly the reaction I hope Edward has too! Now sit down and I'll put your shoes on you."

I sat and Alice opened the Manolo Blahnik shoebox. "Me in stilettos? Are you sure that's a good idea?"

"Have faith," she scolded, slipping the simple white shoes onto my feet. "Now, stand up and take a few steps."

I did, and to my surprise, I felt fairly stable in them. "They're not as uncomfortable as I thought they'd be."

"Good shoes are worth every penny," she said sagely. "You get what you pay for. Okay, now just a couple of last minute details…"

The butterflies were back. "What time is it?"

"11:50, so I'll make this quick. First off, you are _not_ going to school tomorrow, so don't worry about that. Second, I've already packed for you. Third, you're welcome in advance."

I started laughing and Alice smiled back at me. "I've got to go get dressed, but the only other thing I wanted to say is thank you for letting me do this for you. I know you didn't have to do any of it, but you'll both be very happy that we made your wedding day a little special."

"It's a _lot_ special, Alice. Thank you so much."

"You're welcome. I'll be right back."

I sank back down on the chair, exhaling slowly. My wedding day. Marrying Edward. Being one step closer to being with him forever. It was a lot to think about but Rosalie's words had given me some perspective… in comparison to eternity, what was the big deal about moving the wedding up a few weeks? I couldn't help but feel a little thrill at the idea of being Edward Cullen's _wife_… married to my old-fashioned vampire. I was smiling when Alice popped back in.

"Okay, it's time to go! Edward is meeting you at the bottom of the stairs. It's so dramatic, I love it! See you in a minute!" She was gone before I could ask her if I was supposed to wait before heading down the stairs, but realized that she would have told me down to the half-second if that was the case. I slowly left the bathroom and headed down the hall.

When I was halfway down the staircase, carefully mindful of the stilettos, I looked up and I saw Edward waiting for me. _Oh my_…

He was beautiful. There was simply no other word for it, he was utterly beautiful in his dark suit, bronze hair only somewhat tamed, and pale features heartbreaking in their perfection. A crooked smile lit up his face when his eyes met mine, and he held out his hand to me. I took it as I came down the last few steps and he brought the back of my hand to his lips, whispering "_You_ are beautiful, my love," just before kissing it.

He guided me into the living room where now all the white candles had been lit, adding a warm glow to the room. The Cullens stood at the end of the room, each with their respective mate, gathered just ahead of a stranger who I presumed to be the judge. Edward and I stopped in front of him, and then turned to face each other, hands clasped. The judge began speaking immediately. The vows were simple and straightforward, and I as declared aloud that I was taking Edward to be my husband, I made sure to say them in my mind too, just for him. We exchanged rings, and Edward smiled as I slid the traditional gold band I'd selected onto his finger. He took both my hands again as the judge declared us legally husband and wife, then asked us to seal our vows with a kiss.

As Edward's lips touched mine I shut my eyes, repeating _I love you, I love you, I love you_. His lips smiled against mine. "I love you too, Mrs. Cullen."

I opened my eyes. _I like the sound of that already._

"Me too," he mumbled, before pulling me back to him, our kiss more passionate this time. The judge cleared his throat, and there was muffled laughter behind us. We broke apart smiling.

Carlisle and Esme signed the certificate as our witnesses, and the judge departed almost immediately after shaking our hands and wishing us the best of luck. Edward wrapped his arm around me and grinned at Carlisle.

"Was that…?"

Carlisle chuckled. "He owed me a favor."

"Who was he?" I asked curiously, and Edward laughed.

"He's a Justice on the Washington State Supreme Court. Apparently not just _any_ judge would do for this ceremony."

"Oh, wow!" I exclaimed, surprised. "He drove all the way here for this?"

"I told you we'd make this day special," Alice said smugly, before pulling me away from Edward and wrapping me in a tight hug. "We're finally sisters now!"

"Yes, welcome to the family officially, Isabella Cullen," Carlisle agreed, pressing a kiss to my cheek. All the other Cullens followed suit, even Rosalie, until Edward pulled me back into his arms again.

"We should get going."

Emmett laughed. "Anxious, huh? Have fun on your honeymoon, you two."

Edward helped me into the long white coat that Alice suddenly appeared with. "Your luggage is already in the car."

"Luggage?"

"One bag," he amended. "Our first honeymoon is a single night only, unfortunately. I'll take you on another one someday."

We said goodbye to the family and walked out the front door to where a sleek gleaming silver car sat in the front drive. "Wow… did Alice rent this for us?"

He laughed and held the door open for me. "No, this is mine. It's my special occasion car."

"_Special occasion car_," I murmured as he opened his door and settled behind the wheel. "What is it?"

"An Aston Martin V12 Vanquish. It's usually in the back of the garage since I don't drive it all the time, but our wedding day is most definitely a special occasion."

"It's gorgeous," I said appreciatively, running my fingers lightly over the black console. "It suits you."

He flashed that crooked grin at me and started the engine. "I may not have Rosalie's aptitude in the garage, but I very much appreciate a fine car."

"It's a sexy car."

"I like to think so. Now, _wife_ of mine," he paused, and I smiled at his choice of words, "Aren't you even remotely curious about where we're going?"

"Of course I am. Alice told me I'm not going to school tomorrow, but she didn't say anything about Tuesday, so I assume we'll be back home by then."

"Yes, unfortunately, in case anyone is keeping tabs on you now. School tomorrow would be impossible, though. By tomorrow evening I'm hoping you'll barely be able to walk straight. Does that sound like a plan to you?"

"Yes," I murmured, feeling a wave of arousal sweeping over me. "Just what do you have in store for me?"

"You'll find out."

"So where are we going… and how long will it take us to get there?"

He chuckled as he pulled out onto the main road. "Believe it or not, we're headed back to Port Angeles. Alice found a bed and breakfast that is normally closed for the season and persuaded them to open up just for the two of us. We'll have the whole place to ourselves."

I watched as he shifted gears, hearing the car's engine purr in response, and realized I was ridiculously turned on by watching him drive this gorgeous car. "Persuaded?"

"You just have to know what to offer people. Alice wanted us to have a private evening together before getting back to normal life for the next six weeks."

"Hmm, no neighbors, no thin walls, no vampire family with their enhanced hearing…"

"Exactly," he agreed, his voice darkening a little. "I'd love to hear you scream my name tonight."

I shivered again, pressing my thighs together and wondering what his reaction would be when he saw the garter belt. "So, _husband_ of mine, are you adverse to the idea of sex in your special occasion car?"

He threw a quick glance at me. "Not at all… but when I take you for the first time on our wedding day, it's not going to be in the front seat of a car, _Mrs. Cullen_. We'll be there in less than thirty minutes."

"I might have surprises for you too, you know."

"I sincerely hope so," he agreed immediately, and his hand crept over to rest on my thigh. "Hmm, such as what you're wearing under there?"

I playfully slapped his hand away. "Thirty minutes, you said?"

He pressed the gas pedal in response and I laughed breathlessly, trying not to see the trees whipping by outside. "So, can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"Everything that you've told me so far, about how hard it was for you to resist my blood, to keep from hurting me…"

"Yes?"

"Isn't it harder… when we have sex? And some of the things you do to me…" I actually felt a blush creeping up over my cheeks.

"No," he replied immediately. "Believe it or not, it's easier. It's as though every time we make love, it only strengthens my bond to you. When I'm able to touch you, to lick you, to be inside you… those are the moments when I feel most removed from the bloodthirsty creature that I am. I only need to worry about not hurting you physically in other ways."

"Do you really find the idea of my blood repulsive now?"

"I find the idea of you hurt and bleeding repulsive," he said quickly. "Your blood will call to me for as long as you're alive, Bella. I am thankful that I can resist it so easily now, but it will always be appealing to me on some level. Just as I told you Friday, I am still a vampire. Your scent is _familiar_ to me now, though, and that helps me to resist it."

I thought for a moment. "You said that Carlisle will be there when you change me?"

"Yes, absolutely. I don't want to overestimate my control, specifically where it pertains to you."

"What is it going to be like for you?"

He shot me a surprised look. "Do you really want to talk about that now?"

I reconsidered. "Maybe not. I guess we have plenty of time to talk about _those_ details."

"Yes, thank you. Why don't you talk to me more about sex instead?"

I laughed. "Fine, let's play Twenty Questions. You grew up in the Victorian Era?"

"No, actually during what's referred to now as the Progressive Era. I was born in 1901."

"Okay, obviously history wasn't my best subject in school. But things were much more… straitlaced back then?"

"In general, society was much more moralistic than it is now, yes." A tiny smile was playing around his lips, and I wondered if he knew what I was getting at.

"So, if your personality is generally frozen at the time of your change…"

He burst out laughing. "Bella, are you trying to ask me why I'm not a prude?"

I scowled at him. "I'm sure society frowned on premarital sex back then. I was just wondering why you so willing gave that part of yourself up, if you're supposedly so _old-fashioned_."

He was still laughing softly to himself. "Do you wish I'd restrained myself?"

"No!" I almost shouted, and then caught myself. "I was just curious about it."

"Ah yes, well, your question has more than one answer. First and foremost, you do realize that people had sex quite regularly back then as well, correct? Premarital and extramarital affairs were not unheard of; people enjoyed sex then just as much as they do now. Although it was easier for a young man of my age to indulge than it would have been for a young lady like you."

I turned to stare at him, jaw hanging open.

"And yes, I know what you want to ask me… I was for all intents and purposes a virgin until I met you, Bella. You were my first, my only."

Now I knew my face was on fire. "But you said…"

"What I said was true. Not all proper young men from that era were virgins when they married. There were always willing girls who didn't mind being shown a good time by a handsome young gentleman with no strings attached. Or there was the option to visit a prostitute, which a few of my friends did."

"But you never…"

"No. I was an only child, and my mother was much more protective and attentive than one who had several children to keep up with. I was never given the opportunity to sow any wild oats, but my friends who did certainly shared their experiences in lurid detail."

"So if you'd met me back then…"

"I would have wooed you and romanced you, and possibly stolen a few chaste kisses before asking your father for your hand in marriage."

I frowned, confused now. "But then why did you…"

He laughed softly again. "I told you that your question has several answers. Sex was around when I was growing up, Bella. We were aware of it, even if society didn't discuss it openly. This isn't 1918, though. I'm not 'frozen' enough to wish everything was still the way it was back in the last year of my life. I've lived through an entire century of changes in society, watching as the pendulum on morals swung back and forth. I'm aware that in this day and age, premarital sex isn't necessarily taboo. And honestly, since meeting you, I'm glad for it. I don't regret a single moment we've had together in that way."

"Neither do I," I reassured him hastily.

He reached for my hand. "I also told you that vampires are lusty creatures. I would have restrained myself if you'd given me any indication that you wanted me to. That first night we were together, in your truck… feeling you respond to me, knowing you wanted me as badly as I wanted you… I knew we both needed the same thing."

"Yes," I said thoughtfully, remembering my confusion from that night, but knowing I was absolutely sure about needing Edward's hands and lips on my body, to feel him inside of me. My heart beat a little faster just thinking about it; he heard it, and grinned wickedly.

"Any other questions you'd like to ask me before we get there? I assure you that your opportunities for discussion will be limited after that."

"I can only think of one other question right now."

"Yes?"

"If I was your first... how did you get to be so good at it?"

This time, Edward laughed so hard that, if he were human, I would have been worried about him driving off the side of the road. The Vanquish didn't swerve an inch, of course. "Why, thank you, love. I'm glad you think so."

"I'm not talking about sex with you anymore," I grumbled.

"No no, I'm sorry, please don't stop," he begged, trying to smother his smirk.

"I just _assumed_, since you're, well, incredible…"

"Tell me more about how incredible I am," he teased.

This time I deliberately turned away from him, looked out the window, and tugged my hand away from his. Very slowly, I used that hand to inch my dress slightly up my left thigh where the front of the coat broke apart, to just below where the garter belt clipped to the stop of the stocking. I could feel just the tiniest sliver of the lace band peeking out from under the dress's hem, and I knew Edward saw it when I heard him hiss.

"Are you tormenting me on purpose?"

"Yes," I said, not turning from the window.

"And why, pray tell?"

"You never answered my question."

"Bella," he groaned.

"I want to know."

"Probably because I can read your emotions, and your mind," he ground out. "You have no idea what it feels like to me, feeling your pleasure through your mind. I know what feels good to you as soon as you do. I live to please you."

"That's better."

"I love watching your face and listening to your mind while I'm inside you. Your beautiful face, the way it looks, the way your lips part when you call my name. I love seeing the way your body moves under me. I love hearing you moan. I was meant to be with you, and you are mine. You understand that now, right?"

I nodded, unable to form a coherent sentence.

"You have my ring on your finger, and soon you'll have my mark on your body. _Mine_. My wife. Do you have any idea what the idea of that does to me, love? That you are now legally mine, and soon you will be eternally mine as well?"

I shivered convulsively and his hand crept back over to me, his index finger running along that tiny sliver of lace.

"Do you understand that I am _yours_ now? I am all yours, Isabella. You own my heart, soul, and body. No one else will touch me again for the rest of eternity except for you. I am your _mate_; I am yours to do with as you please, as long as it brings you satisfaction, as long as it's only my hands on you ever again."

"Edward…"

"You wanted an explanation," he said roughly. "My body responds to yours instinctively, without conscious thought. Your pleasure is my pleasure. That's why we fall together so perfectly. We're two parts of one being already, and after your change, you'll fully understand how I feel about you, what we are together."

"Edward, I need you." I was beyond rational thought now. His words struck a chord inside of me that went beyond eroticism; that went beyond desire. There was only _need_. I needed him to live.

"We're almost there, love," he crooned. "Alice arranged for the owners to set up the honeymoon suite, and then leave. It will be just you and I. What would you like for me to do to you after we get there?"

"I want you inside of me," I panted.

"That goes without saying, of course. But what else do you want me to do to you?"

"I want you to undress me. And then I want you to kiss every inch of skin that isn't covered up by what I'm hiding underneath this dress."

"Yes?" he groaned, his finger inching just slightly higher along my leg.

"And I want your tongue inside of me. I want you to make me come before you even take off your clothes."

"That can be arranged…"

"Then I want to take your clothes off myself. Even if it takes me a long time, I want to do it all by myself. I want to be able to touch every part of you while I do it, and I want you to just watch me. I want you to let me."

"I will let you do anything you want," he vowed. "Anything that makes _my wife_ happy."

"I don't want to sleep tonight."

"Then I won't let you." The car slowed a little, and then suddenly turned into a private drive. Hidden behind a short row of pine trees, a stately colonial-style home came into view. Edward pulled up to the front door, turned off the car, and was out of his seat and opening my door before I could blink. He reached in, unfastened the seatbelt, and pulled me out of the car in one fluid motion. Then I was pressed up against the side of the Vanquish, and I could feel how hard he was even through the layers of clothing and his wool trench coat.

"Do you remember what I said to you earlier?" he whispered against my ear. "About you not being able to walk straight tomorrow? That was a promise, not a threat." In the next second he'd scooped me up in his arms and we were moving quickly. I had the briefest glances of the interior of the house as he carried me through it. "I meant what I said. I want to hear you scream my name tonight."

I dug my fingers into his hair and pulled his face close to mine. His steps didn't falter as his cool lips crashed against mine, and I was only vaguely aware of the room surrounding me as he laid me down on a wide soft bed. He pulled off his overcoat in the blink of an eye, and then he was on his hands and knees, crouched over me.

"Now, Mrs. Cullen, let me recount _exactly_ what you wanted me to do." He ran his nose slowly over my temple, down my jaw, and across my neck. "I believe that you requested that I first undress you." One hand nimbly unbuttoned my white coat, and then he ran a hand up my side. "So if you wouldn't mind standing up for me…"

The decision was made for me as his arm wrapped around my waist, and I found myself standing upright beside the bed. He pulled the coat away and tossed it on the floor as I reached out one hand to grasp the bedpost for support. I stared at him as he pulled away slightly, allowing his eyes to rake up and down my body.

"Hmm, I suppose it would be in poor form for me to rip your wedding dress off of you, Mrs. Cullen, even if that's what I'd most like to do at this moment. So I suppose I can just start at the bottom and work my way up." In a flash he was kneeling before me, his hands on my left foot. "One shoe at a time…" He removed my left shoe and waited for me to settle before tugging the right one off. Wrapping a hand around each ankle, he nuzzled my thigh, inhaling deeply. "And now, to work my way up…"

His hands slowly released my ankles and began gliding up my legs; fingers trailing firmly against my skin. He moved steadily upwards until he reached the bottom of my dress, where he hooked his fingertips under the hem and continued pulling. Slowly, as he peeled the dress upwards, more of my body was exposed to him. He let out a muffled groan as the lingerie was gradually revealed, and then pulled the dress further still, up and over my head. At that point, only my arms were still in the dress, and he suddenly ripped it away, tossing it behind him.

His eyes were black as he took in the white lingerie. "It appears to me," he murmured, "That it's time for me to fulfill your second request." His hands latched onto my waist as his lips began nibbling along my jaw, exploring my neck with absolutely no hint of urgency. He kissed, nibbled, and licked along my throat as my hands came up to grasp his shoulders, my knees feeling progressively weaker.

By the time he'd worked his way down over my stomach, my legs were completely useless and only his cool hands on my hips were holding me up. He smiled as he laid chaste pecks across the garter belt and white panties. "Love… do you mind if I cheat a little on your requests?"

"Um?" was my brilliant reply.

"I would love to start on your second request while finishing up your first, if you don't mind."

I groaned, which he correctly assumed was my assent. Still on his knees in front of me, he carefully took the delicate waistband of my panties in his teeth and, giving me a wicked look, tugged them downward, dragging them down my thighs and over my knees before letting them go. He sat back on his heels, hands still on my hips, and let his eyes scorch my body.

"As much as I'd love to pull _that_ delectable garment off of you as well," he murmured, referring to the garter belt, "I think I'll leave it on for now. It's a lovely frame for the particularly beautiful picture I see before me." He pulled me towards him and wrapped one arm around my thighs, his other hand reached up and held firm against my lower back. He began by kissing my hipbones, slowly making his way from one to the other, before slowly moving downward to kiss and lick my thighs. My entire body was quivering now.

Both of my hands were now fisted tightly in his hair. "Edward…"

"Yes love?" His breath was cool against me.

"Please let me lay down."

"I can hold you up."

"_Please_?"

In a moment he'd laid me down on the bed, crouching above me again, still in his suit. He roughly yanked off the jacket and tossed it aside, then settled back down between my knees. "Now, where was I? Ah yes, request number two."

The moment his cold tongue touched me there, my entire upper body came off the bed. He hummed appreciatively against me, and I couldn't help but let out an involuntary cry from the sensation, I was so desperate for him. I chanced a look down at him as he continued to lick and suck at me, his beautiful face between my thighs, still decorated by the pretty white garter belt and stockings. Finally, his black eyes flicked up to meet mine just as his cold tongue thrust deep inside me.

This time I didn't even have the ability to moan, or cry out; my breathing and my body froze as my climax began burning through me in an instant, hitting me so hard and fast that I was paralyzed by the intensity. His mouth and tongue moved on me the entire time, until the last shudders had faded. I licked my lips, and with strength I didn't realize I possessed, I reached down and grabbed Edward's tie, hauling him up over my body.

"I want… three… now," I panted.

"Three what, my love?" he purred, and I swore at that moment I'd make him pay for teasing me this way, but not now. I needed him now. My hands reached down between us and began fumbling with his belt.

"Ah yes, request number three." He propped himself up on his hands above me, making no move to help me unfasten his pants. "But you seem to be a little overeager. I thought you wanted to _completely_ undress me?"

"I want you inside me _now_, Edward," I demanded as I wrenched down his zipper.

"I will have to get dressed again for dinner," he agreed, lifting his hips so I could shove his pants and boxers down over his thighs. "We'll do a more formal number three then, hmm?"

"Yeeeesssssssssss," I moaned as he pushed slowly inside of me. I was so desperate for him I could feel my second climax approaching already. I grabbed hold of the shirt he still wore, and pulled his lips to mine. He kissed me thoroughly, even as his hips never ceased their rhythm. Then his lips broke away.

"My wife," he whispered in my ear, and then licked the shell of it. "My Bella, my mate, _mine._"

"Yes," I gasped.

"Tell me, Bella. Say it."

"Yours, I'm yours. Your wife, your mate. Forever."

He growled softly, pulling back just far enough to look into my eyes. "Your pleasure is my pleasure, remember? Can you feel me in your mind now?"

_Yes_…

"And you can feel me in your body?"

_Oh yes…_

"I can feel you inside and out Bella. I can feel it all, and it's destroying me in the most exquisite way possible."

I only had time for one breathless cry before I was coming again, and he with me. I was falling, but he was still in my mind; I could feel him there. His body jerked over me, his pitch-black eyes locked firmly onto mine, piercing me into place until I almost swore I was in _his_ mind, sensing _his_ pleasure, feeling every ounce of love he had for me, and I for him.

I was no longer sure where I ended, and where he began.

* * *

A/N: Ah yes, the old "panties OVER the garter belt" trick, I learned that one a long time ago. :-) I wanted to have a nice happy chapter after some of the drama we've had, but tell me this: do you think Rosalie downplayed Bella's concerns? Does she have a right to freak out over how fast things are moving, even if she's not _against_ them happening eventually? We'd better hurry up and get this girl changed, eh?

First off, as always, super-thanks to the super-beta, Stratan, for giving me some much-needed insight on things I wanted to get across in this chapter. Thanks and smooches to all the gals I've been WC-ing with regularly, it's been invaluable!

I will never get tired of thanking everyone who reviews...it truly humbles me when you take time from your day to leave such thoughtful, insightful (and sometimes funny!) questions and comments about my story. I read every single one of them and have actually taken some of your questions into account for future chapters!

OH AND BY THE WAY...did you know that the first IDBiV Outakes/Oneshots story is up? Clicky on my profile link above, or visit www(DOT)fanfiction(DOT)net/s/5640925/1/IDBiV_Outtakes_Oneshots Don't forget to put in your suggestion for what missing story/POV you'd like to see!!!


	13. Chapter 13

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and its characters. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Chapter Thirteen**

Just after six o'clock Edward helped me dress, and we went downstairs to find a beautiful dinner, set for two, with no one in sight.

"Alice explained to them that privacy was of the utmost importance to us. They'll come clean up the dishes tomorrow after we leave." He watched me eat, a different kind of hunger in his eyes. For my part, I couldn't help but feel the tangible humming between us: when he'd taken me for the first time that afternoon, I'd felt lost, but in the most beautiful perfect way. For the first time, I'd sensed that there was more in my being than just _Bella_. For a moment, I'd felt something completely different; a deep quiet place where there was _us_.

"You felt it earlier too." It was a statement from him, not a question, and I stopped eating for a moment.

"Yes. I don't understand it, but whatever it was… yes."

"It was the first time I'd felt it too, you know."

I looked at him in surprise. The inn's owners had even provided candlelight for our dinner, and in the soft flickering, his topaz eyes seemed to glow. "That was the first time for you?"

"Of course, love. I could only feel it if you met me halfway."

I gasped and dropped my fork. "I thought that wasn't possible yet?"

"You have a remarkable soul," he replied quietly. "To me, it's only further proof that we were destined to be together; that we've been meant for each other our whole lives."

"But I thought it could only happen after…" my voice faded away.

"After your change? Yes, I thought so too. But earlier, Bella," he hesitated for a brief moment, "I truly felt as though you were in my mind, just as I was in yours. The connection I felt was… unbelievable."

It was rare to see him fumbling for words. "Alice said it was like you combine and create a whole new single being, when you find your mate?"

"Yes," he replied, "That's how I've heard it explained as well. And I feel as though that connection is already there for us, although after your change it will become permanent, not occasional."

I quickly finished eating. "I want to feel it again. Now."

He quirked an eyebrow at me. "You haven't had dessert yet, Mrs. Cullen."

"I'm quite aware of that," I murmured, my gaze telling him exactly what I wanted for dessert, and how. He was around the table in an instant, pulling me up into his arms, and carrying me back up the stairs to our room.

After he kicked the door shut behind us, he put me down, took a deep breath, then very deliberately cupped my face in his hands and kissed me. It was sweet and exquisitely slow, almost chaste compared to our earlier activity. When he finally pulled away, he kept his hands on my face, running a thumb over my lips, his eyes fixed firmly on mine.

"I almost can't believe this is our wedding night," he said softly. "After waiting all this time, knowing that you're now my _wife_…" He stopped but I waited, bringing my hands up to cover his. "Bella… you are every dream I barely allowed myself to have, over so many lonely years. I had truly come to believe there was no one out there for me, because surely if there was, I would have found her in the nine decades since my change. So many years of waiting, of hoping, and then slowly feeling that hope ebb away, hating myself for being jealous of my family members. I felt so cut off, so desperately _alone_. Then one day you came into my life and I dared to allow myself to _hope_ again. That I am standing here with you now, as your husband… it's almost more than I can allow myself to believe is true. I wish you _could_ read my mind so that you could see what I feel for you. I love you so much, words are inadequate." With that, he leaned forward and placed another gentle kiss on my lips.

My heart ached at the raw emotion in his voice, and I could feel a few tears spill down my cheeks. He carefully wiped them away. "Why are you crying?"

"The idea of you alone… it hurts. A lot."

"Think of it instead as waiting. I was waiting for you."

"Ninety-one years is a long time to wait."

"Looking back, it was worth every single second, now that I have you in my arms. My _wife_, my _mate_."

"I just," I drew in a shaky breath, "I just want to stay wrapped up with you forever. I don't want to be apart from you."

"You won't have to be." His arms wrapped tightly around me, and I snuggled gratefully into his embrace. "If I'd given in to my impulses, I would have changed you already and we would be spending _days_ making love. We don't get tired, remember?"

"Remind me again why we're waiting?" I mumbled into his suit jacket.

"Because I want to do it right. I want you to have time to prepare for your new life. I want you to have time to go into it willingly and happily."

"I am."

"I know." He kissed the top of my head. "And part of that is planning to make sure nothing gets in the way of our _happily ever after_. No meddling werewolves, no scatterbrained mothers, no regrets."

"That's what I'm going to call the story I write about us. _Happily Ever After_."

"Are you going to write a story about us, love?" He was raining soft kisses down the side of my face now.

"Sort of. In my journal. I want to write down everything so I remember it all after I'm changed. I don't want to forget anything."

"That's exactly what I mean by doing this right. None of the rest of us had a chance to do anything like that."

I moaned as his lips tugged gently on my earlobe. "Edward… remember, it's my turn now. Request number… um… I forget what number. But let me undress you."

Edward stepped back with a wicked smile on his face, holding his arms slightly away from his sides. "Of course, Mrs. Cullen, please feel free."

I didn't hurry. There was absolutely nothing urgent in my actions as I slowly pulled his clothing away from him. Once I'd removed his jacket, socks, and shoes, I slowed down even more and appreciated all of the little details I'd been taking for granted over the past week. Edward's body was flawless, a true study in graceful lines and perfect symmetry, but now I allowed myself to examine him more closely as I slowly stripped his shirt away. I ran my fingers over every inch of his chest, shoulders, arms, and back, and then began following the same path with my lips.

As I kissed across his collarbone, his body unmoving so to facilitate my exploration, the slightest imperfection on the side of his neck caught my attention. It was almost invisible, and if the light hadn't hit it at that moment, I would never have noticed it. "What is this?" I whispered before kissing it.

"It's where Carlisle bit me, when he changed me," he murmured. "The bite of a vampire is the only thing that leaves a mark on our bodies."

"Oh," I replied, shocked that I'd never noticed it before. "Will I have one of those too, from you?"

He tilted his face down to look at me, his eyes dark. "Yes. My ring on your finger and my mark on your neck."

I shuddered. Edward had told me before that there was nothing romantic about the bite and change itself, but his words were incredibly erotic. Instead of pursuing the subject, I opted for continuing my study of his body, noting the soft sprinkling of light brown hair on his arms and chest, the long beautiful fingers that had brought me so much pleasure. His hard chest with its smooth muscle, tapering down to the lean planes of his abdomen.

I was on my knees at this point in my exploration, planting gentle kisses across the skin just above his beltline. As my hands came up to begin unfastening the front of his pants, his hands moved to my shoulders. "Bella…?"

I looked up at him questioningly. "Is this okay?"

"Yes," he said after a moment. "It's just… the sight of you on your knees in front of me…"

"Is it a good thing or a bad thing?"

"It's a good thing… in this situation," he growled.

His words shot a thrill through my body, and I tore my eyes away from his before allowing myself to wonder how he'd pictured me on my knees before tonight. I unbuckled his belt, then unbuttoned and tugged down the zipper on his trousers. I pushed my fingers under his pants but over his boxers, spreading them slowly over his hips before wiggling his pants far enough down that they dropped to the floor. Now I proceeded over his long hard thighs, to his knees, all the way down to his ankles before sliding my hands up the back of his legs, coming to rest on his hips again.

I looked up at him, meeting the pitch-black eyes that gave me the courage to do what I'd been thinking of since he first put his mouth on me a week ago. Hooking my fingers into the waistband of his boxers, I gently tugged them down. When they met his pants on the floor, I straightened back up and, before I could lose my nerve, brought my hand up to guide his length to my mouth.

This was not something I had any experience with, but based on Edward's reaction I continued, letting his moans guide me. Although I had experienced only the greatest pleasure from everything he and I had done together, I was still surprised at how much I enjoyed this new intimacy between us, the power he surrendered to me. His hand stroked gently down the back of my head even as I felt his body tremble under me, and I thrilled to the idea that I was bringing him as much pleasure as he always willingly gave me.

After a short time, a rougher growl rumbled up from his chest, and in an instant he'd pulled me to my feet.

"Was… was that okay?"

"Okay? Bella, oh Bella…" I was suddenly on my back in the middle of the enormous bed. "That was so much better than _okay_, you have no idea."

"Show me," I gasped, even as his knees pushed my thighs apart. He took me in one swift movement and I cried out at the sensation, threading the fingers of my left hand into his hair while my right hand clutched at his back. He growled again and began thrusting rapidly into me; I could feel the arousal that had been building deep inside since dinner flaring to the surface.

"My name, Bella," he snarled into my neck as I tightened my grip on his hair, tugging it hard.

"Edward… oh God…" My words became shrieks as he slipped an arm under my hips to tilt me up, meeting his thrusts. He plunged more quickly, more forcefully into me than ever before, and I found the only word that came to my lips was his name, over and over, louder until I was truly screaming it, knowing there was no one to hear. It was too much: the friction; the intensity; the dizzying pleasure until I finally gave up and let it all combine and push me over the edge. And then it was just sensation: wave upon wave of wonderfully sharp overwhelming bliss, throbbing through my body until I gasped, feeling him pulsing inside of me.

After a moment, Edward's cold lips were moving frantically over my face and I heard him calling my name with a new urgency.

"Hmm?" was the best I could muster at that moment.

"Love? You're all right? I didn't hurt you?"

"No," I said slowly, trying to come back to him through the delicious satiation. "I'm fine. What's wrong?"

He groaned and relaxed slightly over me. "I wanted to make sure I didn't hurt you."

"No, you didn't hurt me…"

"I let myself go more than I should have, more than I ever have…"

"I'm _fine_," I said more staunchly this time. "I'm more than fine, I'm wonderful. I want to do that again, _soon_."

His cool hand moved down to where I was still throbbing, between my thighs, but this time it was to reassure himself, not me. "Are you sure I didn't hurt you? Bella, I shouldn't have…"

I could feel it rising again, that same terror he'd fought successfully for so long, that fear of hurting me. Until I was as unbreakable as him, Edward would never completely stop worrying about hurting me; would never truly unleash the desires that he controlled so carefully now.

"Edward," I whispered, bringing my hands up to either side of his face, pulling him down to meet my lips, noting the force it took to do even that. "That was incredible, better than incredible. I'm fine."

"I didn't hurt you?"

"_No_," I said fervently, then wrapped my arms tightly around his neck and pulled hard until he finally settled against the length of my body. He hadn't fully relaxed yet, though, and I sought to crack his anxiety the only way I knew how. "But I have to ask you a question."

"Yes?" His response was somewhat muffled into the arms I had wrapped firmly around him.

"Earlier, when I was politely _trying_ to ask you if you were a virgin, you said 'Yes, for all intents and purposes.' Care to explain what _that_ means?"

There was a brief moment of silence before he choked out a laugh and relaxed more into my arms, nuzzling his face into my chest. "Bella, you have a remarkable talent for asking the most absurd questions, do you know that?"

"Yes, I'm very aware." I kissed the top of his head. "But it made you stop freaking out, didn't it?"

"Not entirely, but I utterly adore your efforts."

"You're not avoiding the topic, are you?"

He laughed silently into my chest. "Perhaps. But only because I'm afraid of your response."

I shoved him up off me, squirming until he rolled over and let me perch on his hips. "Now you _have_ to tell me the truth."

He laughed up at me, and I was momentarily sidetracked by how beautiful his face was now that he was relaxed and enjoying himself again. "All right then, but I'm afraid of what you'll do to me when I answer you."

I ground a little against his pelvis. "You should be more afraid of what I'll do to you if you _don't_."

"Fine, but remember, you asked for it." He grinned up at me. "Do you remember last Sunday?"

My mind ran backwards immediately, all my days since _Edward_ had been so busy that they almost tended to run together, but I remembered coming home, doing homework while he ran errands and then hunted, and then… oh! I smiled down at him. "Yes, I remember."

"To get to the point, what do you think it really did to me? All those nights out on that balcony, hearing you inside crying my name when you came… what do you think I was doing in the meantime?"

"Watching me?" I asked coyly. I could feel him hardening underneath me again.

"What else, Bella? Do you think I could just stand to _watch you_ as you touched yourself, thinking of me?"

I could feel a blush creeping up over my neck and face, even as I kept smiling. "Probably not."

He pulled me forward onto his chest, just enough so that he could position himself at my entrance and then slowly pulled me down onto him as I groaned in pleasure. "I can assure you I did more than _watch_, Bella. I should be ashamed or embarrassed to tell you this, but I'm not. I came with you each and every time. Which is why I said for all _intents_," he thrust up into me, "And _purposes_." I gasped as he thrust again. "Does that answer your question?"

"Yes," I whimpered, focusing on his hands which had run up my body until they were wrapped around my ribcage, his thumbs positioned to rub over my breasts.

"Good," he said quietly. "Because I have no intention of coming without you ever again. Now, Mrs. Cullen, won't you please make love to me?"

***

Edward made good on his promise and I didn't go to sleep that night, although he was much gentler with my body than he'd been earlier. When dawn first began to lighten the sky, he got up and drew a hot bath in the suite's enormous tub, carried me over to it, and then climbed in behind me. The sensation of his cool body behind me being slowly warmed by the hot water was thrilling. Even his lips warmed up somewhat against my neck as he slowly washed every inch of my body. I'd never felt so relaxed and cherished in my entire life.

"What are we doing for the rest of the day?" I yawned, swaying slightly as he toweled me off.

"Why don't you go ahead and get dressed, I'm going downstairs to make a light breakfast for you. Then I think we'll head back to the apartment and a nice long nap will be in order."

"You're making breakfast for me here?"

"Mm-hmm, I told you the owners weren't coming back here until after we leave. I wanted us to have complete privacy, for you to feel comfortable doing… well, everything you did."

"I _am _a little hoarse," I laughed.

"I should feel sorry for that, but I'm not." He winked at me, already dressed. "Come on downstairs to the kitchen when you're ready."

He left and I dressed slowly. I _was_ a little sore between my legs, but nothing in the world would ever make me admit it to him, and the bath had helped considerably. I thought of what he'd said about vampires being able to make love for days… I couldn't wait until I had an impermeable body for Edward to ravish without holding back.

Thankfully Alice had been thoughtful in her choice of outfits, and after I'd pulled on jeans and a comfortable sweater, I quickly packed up my single bag and went downstairs. I sat down at a heavy wooden table in the lovely traditional kitchen, and Edward set a plate in front of me.

As I was eating, I heard a soft buzz and he pulled his cell phone from his jeans pocket. "Hello Alice." He listened for a moment. "I suppose that's good to know, but I don't think it'll make a difference. I'll tell her, thanks." He clicked the phone shut. "That was our regularly scheduled psychic phone call."

I giggled. "What does she see?"

"She wanted me to pass on to you that people are going to start noticing your rings today. Do you plan on keeping them both on?"

"Of course I do, why wouldn't I?"

"Bella, you weren't even engaged when you left school on Thursday, now you're coming back married?"

I shrugged. "There's no one I'm close enough with now who would be _that_ shocked if I told them you and I impulsively flew to Las Vegas. I don't really have any friends here, Edward, just casual acquaintances and classmates."

"I think Alice is more concerned about the Quileutes."

"I was under the impression that I won't be seeing them again unexpectedly. Edward, do you _want_ me to take them off?"

"No," he replied immediately.

"Good, because I have no intention of doing so. I'm your wife now, and I don't want to hide that fact."

"Do you want to change your last name?"

"You've been calling me Mrs. Cullen since the wedding," I laughed. "Yes, Edward, I do plan on changing my last name."

"I'll take care of the name change on all our documents, then," he mused. "You'll just need to take care of the legal forms for it and your driver's license."

"I'll do that this week." I finished eating and smiled at him. "Thank you for breakfast."

"It was my pleasure. Now, are you ready to go home and climb directly back into bed?"

"Yes, I believe I am." I stood and stretched up to kiss his lips.

Less than an hour later, we were back at the apartment, and I was in bed snuggled close to Edward, rapidly losing the battle against exhaustion. "Wake me up at noon, please?" I asked softly, but I never even heard his answer.

_I was back on the reservation, standing in the thick forest that surrounded La Push. The trees were so tall and old that the forest floor was very dark here, and I could barely see the two figures that stood some distance away. Edward and Jacob. Not just standing, but struggling with each other, fighting. Evenly matched, so that neither gained an advantage, the fight went on forever. _

"_Bella, run!" Edward's voice, but it was immediately echoed by Jacob's saying the same thing. I couldn't run, I couldn't leave them here fighting. _

"_No, please stop!"I tried to get closer to them, but every step I took seemed to take forever. They didn't have to fight; it didn't have to be this way. I sobbed, desperate to get to them, to make them stop before one or both of them were hurt. "Jake please… it's okay; you don't have to fight with them! We're going away; you'll never have to see them again!"_

_Jacob's eyes went to me and he stopped fighting for the briefest of moments, "You're going away?" It was a tiny pause, but Edward immediately took advantage of it and his teeth were at Jacob's neck in that instant. Using his teeth not to bite, but to slit Jacob's throat open, as though he'd used a knife. Blood poured from his neck but Jacob took a step towards me, his eyes bewildered and hurt. "You're going away?"_

_I screamed and screamed as the blood kept gushing from his neck. "Bella, you're going away?" He took one more step towards me before Edward was there again, pulling him back. "You're going away?" He kept repeating those same words as the blood rushed out of the horrible wound on his throat, streaming down his body. "You're going away?" was the last thing I heard before Edward pulled him further into the forest, to where I could no longer see him…_

My screams were muffled now and it wasn't until my fist connected with the stone chest in front of me that I finally snapped awake. I was shaking and covered in a cold sweat, too terrified by the memory of it to even cry. Edward's arms were around me, holding me close to him; I could hear his voice calling my name.

"Oh God, oh God," I gasped, trying desperately to gain some control over myself. I rarely was able to recall my dreams, and I didn't remember the last time I'd had a nightmare so horrifyingly _real_. The fight, then my distracting Jacob, Edward's teeth tearing a jagged line across Jacob's throat, and then the _blood_. It was all my fault, this was all my fault. The Cullens and the Quileutes had maintained their uneasy truce for decades, but I knew Edward would kill for me, if it came to that. My subconscious had shown me in sickening detail what I'd tried to ignore: there was a part of my Edward, my husband, that would kill anyone who threatened me. It also showed me the ramifications of that action...

"Bella…" The desperation in Edward's voice tugged at me and I squirmed until I was able to throw my arms around his neck, his grip shifted to my waist. "It was just a dream, love, you were having a nightmare."

"I know," I moaned, eyes shut. "But it was horrible."

"Do you want to tell me what it was about?" His hand was soothingly stroking my back now.

"No," I said immediately. There was no way I wanted Edward to know I'd dreamed of him as a killer, and of him killing my best friend no less.

He was quiet for a moment. "Was it about Jacob?"

"How did you know that?"

"You kept saying his name in your sleep," he replied softly.

I let my forehead fall against his chest with a thump. "I'm sorry."

"You can't control what you dream about, love. Even if you could, you have the right to dream about whatever you want."

I stiffened in his arms. "You can't… read my mind and see my dreams, can you?"

"No, love, I've never been able to do that." His hand continued to gently rub my back. "Are you sure you don't want to tell me what it was about? It might make you feel better."

I considered that. I didn't like keeping anything from him, and the horror of the dream was still so fresh in my mind. "It was… you and Jacob… fighting. We were in the woods at La Push, and the two of you were fighting. Fighting about me, and I couldn't stop you."

"Ah," he said quietly. "And then?"

"I don't want to talk about that part," I mumbled into his chest. "But it was my fault, all my fault."

"Bella, why in the world would it be your fault?" His hands were on my face now, trying to get me to meet his gaze, but I looked down stubbornly. "Love?"

I knew he was bewildered. I'd never been so determined to keep him from seeing something in my mind before. "Please Edward, there are going to be times when I don't necessarily want you to see what's in my mind. This is one of those times."

His hands immediately dropped from my face and I knew that I'd hurt him, but I couldn't let him see the vision I'd had of him. "Of course, Bella, you have the right to that privacy any time you need it. But I'm concerned… you were screaming in your sleep. What in the world do you think brought that nightmare on?"

My chest ached. "Edward, if I asked you to do something for me, for us, would you?"

"I would do anything for you, Bella, you know that."

"I want to leave now. I don't want to wait until December. Let's go now. Let's go far away, I don't care where, you don't even have to change me until everything else is ready. Please, let's just get out of here."

He groaned. "Bella, what are you really saying?"

"I just don't want anyone to get hurt because of me," I confessed in a tiny voice. "You or Jacob or anyone else."

"None of us will be getting hurt, I can assure you of that much, love. And we will not allow anyone to hurt you either. When it comes to the Quileutes, none of us want to fight with them. We aren't actively looking for reasons. To the contrary, Carlisle is resolute about maintaining the treaty for as long as possible."

"But can't you and I just leave now?"

He sighed and pulled me close against him. "Bella, if that is truly your wish, I will drop everything this second, take you downstairs, and we'll leave now. But is that what you want? To start your new life on the run?"

"On the run?" I repeated, confused.

"Carlisle called me while you were asleep. He wanted to make sure I knew that the Quileutes have stepped up their _observation_ of us just since Saturday."

"Observation?"

"Yes. When we signed that treaty with the Quileutes so long ago, we vowed to stay off their land, and they in turn agreed to stay off ours. But everywhere else is fair game, and they seem to be running patrols of the roads in and out of Forks."

"Patrols? You mean…"

"In wolf form, yes. The family has been keeping tabs on them too, of course, and it seems as though they're monitoring our every move off the property."

"Do you think they saw us leave together yesterday?" I gasped.

"Carlisle doesn't think so," he replied slowly. "Or, if they did see the car leave, and caught your scent, that they may not have realized I was the one with you, through the tinted windows. They're very familiar with your scent, but I don't think they are familiar enough with ours to discern one of us from another. Nevertheless, they are watching much more closely now, and I have no doubt your safety and well-being is the reason for that."

His words were sinking into my brain, and a heavy knot of dread formed in my stomach. "So if I were to suddenly disappear…"

"Yes. Just as I would be willing to break the treaty and go onto their land to rescue you, they are equally willing to come onto our land if they felt you were in danger. Or, if they considered the treaty already broken, then they would have no reason to hesitate."

So there it was, and again I was facing the possibility that members of my two families could be harmed, all because of me. "So we can't leave."

"We can, Bella, but I think it may have disastrous consequences if we do. Carlisle urged me to make sure we both keep up as normal an appearance as possible. He wants you to make sure you go to all your classes after today, and if Jacob or Billy calls you, to answer it and talk to them. Reassure them everything is fine. He even…" Here he stopped and his jaw clenched. "He said if they want you to visit them, then you should. But there are certain _conditions_ that would have to be met before I'll allow that to happen. We'll discuss that if the situation ever arises."

"Okay," I whispered, reaching up to stroke his face. "What else?"

"The family is moving their relocation date up. Carlisle wants the Quileutes to see that all the Cullens have been gone for a month before your planned move to Jacksonville. He doesn't want our departures to coincide in the slightest."

"A month? But that means by the middle of next week!"

"We've had to move in a hurry before, Bella. Having even a week's lead time is better than no lead time at all. Carlisle is the only one staying until just after Thanksgiving. He wants to give the hospital enough time to replace him, and even that allows for three weeks before you leave."

"Edward… if he's going to be the only one staying… _you're_ not leaving, are you?"

"No," he said immediately. "Carlisle wants me to. In fact, I'm the first one he wants to leave, so they have no chance to figure out my connection to you. He believes that if the Quileutes see that the family is gone, there will be no reason for Jacob to try and take you back to La Push; that you'll be safe. But I'm not leaving you."

We looked at each other for a long moment. "We both know he's right," I finally whispered.

"Yes, he's right, but I don't care."

"Maybe we can figure out a compromise…"

"As long as it doesn't involve me leaving you."

"Why can't I… just leave when you all leave? Why can't I go with you? We could all go at once."

"Believe me, I asked Carlisle that. He's concerned about how far the Quileutes may go to find you, publicly and privately. We have no idea how far their range extends when they're in wolf form."

I sighed, feeling defeated. "I guess Carlisle is right."

"He usually is," Edward admitted grudgingly. "But I'm not leaving you."

"We'll have to be very careful."

"Yes... Carlisle warned me to make sure we appear to be only friends when we're out in public."

Just friends… when I wanted nothing more to scream from the rooftops that I'd found and married the love of my life. "These next six weeks are going to be awful."

He kissed my forehead. "Look on the bright side, now we have a new reason to stay inside more often."

"Yes," I murmured, melting slowly against him.

"Do you want to go back to sleep? I'm sure you're exhausted."

"No!" The memory of my nightmare was still too vivid in my brain. "I want to do something normal, something that doesn't involve worrying about werewolves."

He chuckled. "Such as?"

"I need groceries. Let's go shopping."

We ended up driving the Vanquish to the grocery store, earning more than a few stares from pedestrians and other drivers.

"I can see why this is a special-occasion car, it does attract attention."

"Indeed," he commented, parking at the far end of the lot. It was such a human thing to do; I couldn't help but giggle a little. He shot me a questioning glance and I showed him in my mind how funny I thought it was that the vampire was so concerned about someone dinging his car. He rolled his eyes. "Very funny, let's go."

We filled an entire cart full of groceries, Edward saying he wanted to start limiting our "friends-only" time as much as possible. The store appeared to be short-staffed that day, as even the manager was running a register, and there was only one bagger working, running from register to register. As our cashier began ringing up the groceries, Edward moved down and began bagging them.

"Oh, thank you dear, that's so thoughtful of you." The cashier was a matronly middle-aged woman with a kind face, but she looked exhausted. "A quarter of the staff came down with the flu and called in, so we're pretty short-handed."

"You're welcome, ma'am, it's no problem at all," Edward replied politely.

"There must be something going around, I suppose there always is." She finished ringing up the groceries and gave me the total, I pulled out my black card and swiped it through the card scanner.

When it didn't respond after a moment, I frowned. "Is this one broken?"

She swiveled it around to examine it and then sighed. "Looks that way. I can scan your card here on the register, dear, and then you can sign for it."

I handed her the card and she ran it through; the receipt began printing out immediately. As she handed it to me along with the card and a pen, her eyes widened. "Oh honey, what a beautiful ring! You don't see many like that, is it an antique?"

"Um, yes," I replied, scrawling my name at the bottom of the receipt and handing it back to her.

"Well it's just lovely. Your husband is a gentleman _and _he has good taste. A keeper, that one." She winked at me. "You two have a nice day, now!"

"You too."

We walked silently out to the car; Edward went directly to the passenger door and opened it, gesturing for me to get in. He quickly loaded the groceries into the trunk, but he didn't start the car immediately when he got in.

"I guess the rings will have to go for a while after all, huh?" I asked quietly.

"Just for a few weeks," he promised. "It doesn't make you any less my wife; it just makes your ring finger a little less conspicuous for the time being."

"Stupid wolves," I muttered. "Why can't they mind their own business?"

He laughed at that. "Trust me, we've been asking that same question for _years_."

When we got back to the apartment, Edward refused to let me carry any of the bags, insisting instead that I simply unlock the doors. When he went back out to get the rest, I started unpacking them, shaking my head at the excess. We could hunker down in the apartment until December, and I wouldn't go hungry.

Edward returned with the remaining bags and just as he began helping me to unpack, there was a knock at the door. Edward stiffened for a moment, and then relaxed. "It's not one of them. Go ahead."

I unlocked the front door and opened it to reveal a neatly-dressed young man carrying a small dark red bag. "Hello, ma'am. I have a delivery for Bella Cullen?"

"I'm Bella Cullen." He smiled politely as he handed me the bag, and I blinked in shock as I caught sight of the logo on the side of the shopping bag: Cartier.

"If you wouldn't mind signing to acknowledge delivery of the item, ma'am, I'd appreciate it. We don't normally deliver, but I was made to understand this is a special occasion."

I accepted the red folder he handed me and signed at the bottom where he indicated. "Um, how far did you drive?"

"From Seattle, ma'am."

"Oh, well… thank you."

"You're very welcome. Have a good day."

I shut the door behind me and stared at Edward. "What is _this_?"

He held up his hands and shook his head. "I have absolutely nothing to do with this one, love. Open it up."

Inside the red bag was a matching box and a typed note on Cartier stationery. Edward put his arms around my waist and rested his chin on my shoulder as I read the note:

_So you can still wear them. Love, Alice_

"I should have known," Edward laughed. "Only Alice would even think to pay Cartier to hand-deliver to Port Angeles."

I opened the box to reveal a long delicate chain, and suddenly Alice's note made sense.

"For my rings," I whispered.

"Very thoughtful of her." Edward removed the necklace from the box. "Shall we see how they look?"

I reluctantly slid the engagement and wedding rings off my finger, Edward threaded them onto the chain, and then fastened it around my neck. The chain was long enough that the rings fell just at the tops of my breasts; they would be hidden by the neckline of almost any of my shirts. I could feel tears trembling in my eyes, but I refused to let them fall. "She's a good sister to have, I'm finding out."

"Yes," he agreed, then picked up my left hand and kissed my naked ring finger. "After I put those rings back on your finger again, I'll buy you something else to put on the necklace. I don't expect you'll have any reason to take your rings off after I put them there for the second time. They'll be there to stay, forever."

I reached up and touched the rings where they sat on my chest, winking in the bright kitchen light. "Yes, forever."

* * *

A/N: Wow, I had no idea five little words would get so much attention in the last chapter! I hope I made up for any doubt I may have created about Edward's sexual history…Bella is his first, his last, his everything.

So now we've got the wolves stepping up their patrols, eyeballing the Cullens…do you think they know more than the Cullens give them credit for? Or are they waiting for them to make a wrong move?

As always, many thanks to the super-beta Stratan, who continues to patiently untangle the written knots I tie. Hugs and kisses and hello to all the ladies I WC with, as well as my TBC girls! And thank you to everyone who continues to read and review, your thoughtful comments truly make my day!!!


	14. Chapter 14

So in case you haven't heard yet, my uber-fabulous twin-with-whom-I-share-a-brain (Brits23, author of Laid Bare) and I are collaborating on a new story called Dirty Little Secrets. Actually, collaborating may be too weak a word…we're going to try and melt your computer with some sexy-hot Miami nights! If you haven't read it yet, you can click on my profile or Brits' to find it!

* * *

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and its characters. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**All original characters, plots, and the storyline contained within this derivative work are the property of Lazykate. This story may not be reproduced or reposted without permission from the author.**

**Chapter Fourteen**

Edward drove me to school the next morning, unhappy to be leaving me there, but knowing that it would be difficult to explain away his presence if Jacob or any of the Quileutes just so happened to stop by the school. Jacob didn't know my class schedule, but Edward was taking no chances.

He made me promise at least three times that yes, I would stay around others at all times; yes, I would keep my cell phone turned on; and yes, under no circumstances would I walk home alone. I was beginning to feel like a child, but one look at his concerned face was enough to convince me that I could live with his rules for the next six weeks.

I thought it would be difficult to concentrate on my classes, but to my surprise, I found myself absorbed in the lectures and note-taking. I spent the three-hour break between my two classes at the library, writing feverishly in my journal. There was so much I didn't want to forget.

At first I'd assumed my recollections would be all about Edward and our new life together, but instead I found myself writing about my childhood, some of the small funny things I could remember. I made a note in the margin of one story to remember that I had old home movies in a box of Charlie's things, still packed in the tiny storage unit I kept in Forks. Renee, to her credit, had been thoughtful enough to send copies to Charlie, and he'd kept every one. Now they would help me to remember.

I wrote about Phoenix, picking out only the happy things, the memories that I _wanted_ to take with me into immortality. I wrote about Phil and Renee, and just as I was about to start the chapter that brought me to Forks, I glanced at my watch and realized I'd need to run to make it to my second class on time.

I walked outside after that class ended, automatically looking for Edward. Instead my attention was caught by a frantically-waving Alice, bouncing up and down next to a bright blue Audi TT. I laughed and hurried over to her, immediately giving her a giant hug.

"Alice, thank you so much for the necklace. That was so incredibly sweet of you."

She beamed at me. "I knew you wouldn't want to take them off, and I don't blame you a bit."

"Where's Edward?"

"He took the Vanquish back to Forks, and Carlisle convinced him it would be a good idea to take a very roundabout way back here, to throw off any dogs that might be sniffing his path. So I told him I'd come pick you up and help you start packing. Get in!"

I climbed into the Audi and Alice peeled out of the parking lot. "Yeah, so I guess you guys are leaving next week?"

Her happiness dimmed a little. "I wish we didn't have to leave so soon. I'm going to miss you."

"I'm going to miss you too."

"Carlisle thinks it's for the best, and I guess he's right… I have a very clear picture of the future, and it's all according to plan. As long as there are no last-minute doggie-interferences or unforeseen complications, you'll be in Alaska with Edward right after your last final!"

I exhaled slowly. "That's a relief. Can you tell me how I'm going to do on my finals?"

"I _could_, but remember you asked me not to tell you anything unless it was of dire importance."

"You've ignored that several times already," I pointed out.

"Everything I shared with you was something I deemed of dire importance," she replied sweetly, pulling into a parking spot at the apartment complex. "Now come on, I already brought some boxes by earlier. I thought it would be easier on you if we packed up the stuff you can live without until December, and then we can take it with us when we leave next week. That way you won't have to worry about packing and shipping on top of everything else. We're _really_ good at packing by now, in case you couldn't guess."

I followed her as she bounded up the stairs, and then gave her a questioning look as she produced a key and unlocked my apartment door. "Oh… Edward gave me his key. Don't worry, he's not passing around unauthorized copies."

"That's good to know… oh my God!" I stood in the doorway and stared at the giant stack of flattened boxes and other packing materials that lay in the middle of the living room. "Alice… I don't have enough stuff to go in all those boxes!"

"Better to be safe than sorry," she chirped, taking off her jacket and tossing it over the back of a kitchen chair.

"How are you planning on getting those boxes back to your place in your car?"

"I'm not. Emmett will be here in a couple of hours with a truck to pick up all the boxes, then if it's okay with you, he can stop by your storage unit in Forks and get all that stuff too. Then we'll ship it along with ours next week, and it'll all be waiting for you when you get to Alaska!"

I squinted at her. "Alice, were you this organized in your other life? Because you scare me sometimes with your efficiency."

"Like I said, we're old pros at the moving game by now. Where do you want to start?"

I sighed and looked around. "Honestly, I don't have that much stuff here. My clothes are staying…"

"Yes, and just donate those before you leave. You'll need a whole new wardrobe after your change, remember?"

"Okay, so I guess just some books and other personal stuff… it's mostly in the bedroom."

She picked up a few boxes and a roll of packing tape. "Lead the way!"

We attacked the closet; Alice sorted out all of the summer clothes and packed them away for donation, while I rummaged through the assorted junk and clutter I'd ended up stuffing into the back of the closet when I moved in. Photo albums, knickknacks, a half-hearted attempt at knitting a scarf, and then finally a stuffed kangaroo. I laughed and set it on the floor, then patted its head.

Alice glanced over at me. "Why in the world do you have a stuffed kangaroo? And _what_ is in its pouch?"

I grinned. "Come look."

She hopped up and was beside me an instant, rooting around in the poor thing's pouch. Her expression when she pulled out the empty little bottle of alcohol was priceless. "What in the…?"

"It's a booze-a-roo."

"Okay Bella, you've got me here. What is a _booze-a-roo_?"

"My Aunt Tammy… okay, she's not really my aunt, but she's one of Renee's best friends, and so I was really close with her growing up… went on a trip to Australia when I was sixteen. She asked me what I wanted her to bring me back as a souvenir, and I jokingly told her all I wanted was a kangaroo. She almost forgot, but found a stuffed one in the gift shop in the airport before she left, and she carried it on the plane." I started giggling at the memory of Aunt Tammy explaining this story in greatly exaggerated detail.

"Anyway, on the plane ride back, she had a couple of drinks to relax her, and she started thinking that it was a real shame that my kangaroo didn't have anything in its pouch. So she started stuffing the empties, you know, those are the little bottles they give you on airplanes, into its pouch. When we picked her up from the airport she was about three sheets to the wind and made up this crazy story about the kangaroo drinking all her liquor on the trip. She said if I wasn't underage she'd have filled them back up again before giving it to me. That's the story of the booze-a-roo."

Alice stared at me as if I were crazy for a moment, and then laughed, shaking her head. "It's when I hear stories like those that I wish I could remember being human."

"Yeah, I'll have to remember to write that one down, for sure," I murmured, giving the 'roo one last pat on the head before Alice carefully tucked him into a box.

"Is that what you're doing? Writing down your human memories?"

"Yes, I want to make sure I can remember as much as possible."

"Good idea. I know a lot of us would like to have had the same opportunity." She looked wistful for a moment.

"That's what Edward said. You don't remember _anything_ about being human?"

She sighed a little. "No, not a thing. My very first memory is waking up as a vampire. I probably would have gone insane if it hadn't been for the visions… they were very clear from the start, and they helped to guide me. They helped me find Jasper, and then they brought us to the Cullens."

She didn't elaborate and we packed in silence for a short time. "Alice… how long do we have before Edward gets back?"

"Ummm… just about two hours. Why?"

I took a deep breath. "I want you to help me practice with shielding my mind. Edward hates it when I block him out."

"Of course he does," she grumbled. "For as much as he's complained over the years about being bombarded with our thoughts, he still likes to be _able_ to. Especially with you. I mean, what would he have done if he couldn't sense or read you at all? He would have learned to deal with it! Ugh!"

"So is that a yes?"

"Absolutely! Why do you want to practice?"

"Well, I've started thinking of it as sort of a physical shield. I'd like to feel more comfortable using it, so I can do it without concentrating as hard. And maybe raise and lower it more quickly?"

Alice thought for a moment and then grabbed three books from my nightstand. "Fine literature you have here, Bella."

"Oh shut up."

She grinned at me and then set them at the end of the bed. "Okay, look at these and make a decision about which one you're going to throw out first."

"I'm _not_ throwing out my trashy romance novels!"

"Bella, trust me on this one, after your change you won't have time for trashy romance novels."

I crossed my arms over my chest. "No."

She heaved an exaggerated sigh. "Fine, make a decision about which one you're going to read next. Be certain in your choice."

I stared at my three options and then decided to read _Raging Heartbeat_, it was the newest one, and I hadn't started it yet. I hadn't done much romance novel reading since Edward had moved in.

Alice's eyes unfocused for a brief moment, then she looked back at me. "Okay, I've got it, _Raging Heartbeat_. Now, concentrate on raising your shield. Take your time if you need to, and after it's in place, change your mind and let me know when you've picked another book."

I closed my eyes, letting the image of the glass wall come into my mind. I'd practiced by myself a couple of times at school today, but of course I'd had no way of knowing if it was working or not. When the visual was fixed firmly in my mind, I looked over at the three books and changed my mind, deciding that I'd pick up _Forbidden Passions_ instead. "Okay, Alice."

She concentrated hard for a second, and then grinned. "You're doing it right, I still see _Raging Heartbeat_. Do you have to consciously think about keeping the shield up?"

"No… not exactly. It's hard to describe. It's almost like I can feel it once it's there; it's not uncomfortable, but I'm _aware_ of it. I do consciously have to think of lowering it, though."

"Okay… now shut your eyes and lower it whenever you're ready. When you're done, open your eyes."

I waited a few more moments before thinking about the glass wall dissolving in front of me; it was easier and faster each time I tried. I opened my eyes at the same time Alice laughed. "_Forbidden Passions_?" Where do they come up with these names?"

"What did it look like to you, when I lowered my shield and you could see that I'd changed my mind?"

"Oh, it was no different than if you'd made a last-minute decision to change something. I've never met another vampire with a shield like yours though, so it's fascinating to see that in action."

We continued little exercises like the one with the books as we continued to pack. Each and every time I manipulated my shield, I found it easier to do. For her part, Alice seemed to be genuinely enjoying herself, claiming it was refreshing to be surprised for once.

After a while, I asked her the question that had been at the back of my mind all afternoon. "Alice… if I can completely block Edward out when my shield is up, then why am I still partially blocking him when it's not? Before I found out that I even _had_ this ability, he still couldn't read my mind the same way he can with everyone else."

Her brow puckered and she looked thoughtful. "Hmm, that's a good question… I honestly don't know. Maybe part of your shield is unconscious and out of your ability to control right now? Remember, Bella, human beings use only a very small portion of their brains. You're like an iceberg, we've only seen a tiny bit of your power so far. It'll be interesting to see how much more you can do after your change."

"You can't see that yet?"

"No, but then again, things have been changing left and right, and it affects my vision every time there's a change in plans." Her perfect forehead wrinkled again. "You especially. I see your future in the strangest ways now…" Her voice trailed off, then she shook her head briskly. "But I do see you. Being psychic isn't an exact science."

I laughed. "I'm starting to understand that _none_ of this is."

Alice ripped off another piece of tape and sealed up the box she'd just filled. "Okay, anything else?"

"I really don't think so… if Emmett is going to take care of the things in the storage unit, I'll give him the code and the key for it. I didn't really bring much with me when I moved here."

Alice picked up her box as easily as if it were empty. "Emmett is almost here, we'll let him carry everything out. And Edward will be here shortly after him."

I followed her into the living room. "Hey… Alice?"

She thumped the box down onto the floor and turned to me. "Yes?"

"I'll see you again before you leave, right?"

"Yes, of course you will. You think I'd leave without saying goodbye?"

"I know I'm getting all mushy here, but I'm really going to miss you, even if it's just a month. I've… never really had any close girlfriends before."

Her eyes softened. "You're my sister now, don't forget that." In the blink of an eye she'd swept me into a tight hug. "Keep your chin up, Bella. I know all of this is overwhelming and even a little scary, but it's all going to be fine. I promise. Just do what Carlisle tells you to do, even if Edward grumbles about it."

I laughed and blinked back tears. "Okay, I can do that."

"Good. And now…" She looked towards the front door just as there was a massive thumping against it. I actually saw the wood shiver in its frame.

"Cullen Boys Moving Service!" Emmett bellowed from the other side.

I grinned as I opened the door for him. "Just take the door off the hinges, why don't you?"

"Nah, we have a firm rule in our family: you break it, you fix it. Rose and I keep busy breaking and fixing enough stuff on our own." He ruffled my hair with one giant hand.

"Yeah, so I've heard."

"You gonna give me a hand with these boxes, short stuff?"

"Of course not," Alice replied primly. "It would look rather odd if anyone saw me, don't you think?"

"Hmm, yeah, I didn't think of that. Well, I didn't see or smell any dogs lurking around, so let me get going." Emmett stacked two boxes and lifted them together easily. "Hey Bella, before I forget, Rosie wanted me to tell you that she'll have your truck finished tomorrow, if you want to come pick it up this weekend."

I felt a glow of genuine happiness. "Really? That's great to hear, tell her thanks!"

"I will," he replied cheerfully. "Be right back for the rest."

I opened the refrigerator and surveyed the stacks of groceries Edward and I had purchased the day before, trying to decide what I should fix for dinner. "You're more than welcome to stay and watch me eat, Alice."

"I would, but I'm going to head back after Edward gets here. I've got a lot of packing to do too."

"All right, I guess I'll see you Friday morning, then?"

"Absolutely. And, Bella…?"

I peeked at her over the refrigerator door. "Yes?"

"I know he doesn't like it, but you should ask Edward to help you practice with your shield. The more you understand it now, the easier it will be for you to control it later. Besides, it certainly won't do Edward any harm to _not_ be able to read someone's mind for once. I know we all wish we had the power to block him out sometimes." She rolled her eyes. "Try keeping it up for extended periods of time and with distractions. Just like a muscle, the more you work with it, the stronger it'll be."

"You're right about him not liking it, but I'll talk to him about it."

"Let me know if you need any help convincing him."

The door opened and Emmett came back in. I was amazed that such an enormous vampire could move so silently; I hadn't even heard him coming. "Two more trips and that'll do it. Man, pretending to be human is a pain in the ass, I could have made it all in one trip. You got the key to your storage unit, Bella?"

"Yeah, I'll get it for you."

He stacked two more boxes. "Geez woman, what have you got in here, bricks?" He grumbled good-naturedly as he ambled back down the hall. A moment later we heard him yell. "Hey! Edward! Come help me out here!"

I pulled the key to the storage unit off my keychain and set it on the table, shaking my head. "Does he have any volume control? Or is he just loud and louder?"

Alice laughed. "Oh Bella, you have no idea. Just wait until you're living with us."

Edward walked in the open door just then. "Please don't scare my wife away, Alice." He came directly to me, took my face in his hands, and planted a gentle kiss on my lips. "Hello love."

"Hi," I whispered, closing my eyes and leaning into his embrace. "I missed you."

"I missed you too. I'm sorry I had to spend all day driving around the entire Olympic Peninsula. Carlisle thought it would be a good idea in case any wolves were following me." He wrapped his arms around me and buried his face in my hair, and then kissed my neck.

"Okay, you two lovebirds," Alice interrupted, "I'm on my way out! Bella, I'll see you Friday!"

"Bye, Alice," we said together, as I relaxed further into Edward's arms.

"I love spending time with her," I said quietly, "But part of me is missing when I'm not with you."

"I know exactly what you mean," he breathed into my ear, his arms tightening. "I love coming home to you."

"Mmm, this has been the best part of my day," I agreed, tilting my head back for another kiss.

"Hey you two, break it up!" Emmett yelled from the doorway.

"Take the boxes, take the key and get out," Edward growled at him.

"Aw man, I'm hurt! I thought you guys would at least invite me to stay for dinner, maybe we could kick back and watch some football? I don't get to spend near enough time with my new little sis here…"

"The key is on the table, and the gate code is on the keychain." I glared at him over Edward's shoulder.

"Jeez, I hope you guys aren't this anti-social when we get to Alaska. It gets pretty boring up there and…"

"_Get out_!" Edward and I both yelled.

Emmett stuck his lip out in an exaggerated pout. "Fine, I know when I'm not wanted. I'll see you two later!" He grabbed the last two boxes and left, hollering "Have fun!" just before the door shut.

Edward heaved out a sigh and I giggled as I reached up and wrapped my arms his neck. "Now, where were we?"

***

Wednesday and Thursday went much the same as Tuesday. Edward dropped me off and picked me up from school both days, and I attended my classes as though nothing were out of the ordinary. I continued to write frantically in my journal, not wanting to forget a single moment that needed to be committed to paper in case my memory faltered later. I felt that there was so much I'd missed, not realizing Edward's love for me for so long, and I briefly considered asking him to fill in some of the blanks for me. In the end though, I decided that if the journal was supposed to represent _my_ memories, that I could only record what I'd observed on my own.

I found that the more I wrote, the more I remembered. Little fleeting things. The few biology labs Edward and I had worked on together, when he'd sit as far from me as possible and only spoke when absolutely necessary. I hadn't realized at the time that he was holding his breath, trying to keep my scent from shredding his resolve. How he always seemed to be a few steps behind me in the hallway during our senior year, following me to all of the classes we shared. The Cullens standing together at Charlie's funeral, slightly apart from the other mourners. Edward's first words to me when I came back to school: "Bella, I'm sorry about your father." The apple he put on my lunch tray every day, mysteriously understanding that the hot greasy smells of the cafeteria food had become nauseating to me. I found all the class notes he'd given me, pages from History and Calculus in his copperplate script. I folded them, carefully tucking them into the back of the journal.

"Will you do something for me?" I asked him Thursday night. I was packing for the weekend, while Edward was lying on the bed watching my every movement.

"I'll do anything you want, love."

"Will you… I want you to tell me about the past two years from _your_ perspective, but not until I'm changing. I want you to tell me everything you can remember, every single detail. I'm recording my memories now, but then I want to hear yours too."

He didn't speak for a long moment. "You'll be asleep, love. You won't hear me."

I looked over at him. "I'll hear your voice. Even if I'm in a coma, I'll hear your voice, and I'll know you're there."

"All right then," he agreed quietly. "I'll talk non-stop the entire three days if you want me to."

"Yes, I do." I zipped my bag shut and dropped it on the floor, then crawled over the bed into his waiting arms."I want your voice to be the last thing I hear when I go to sleep, and the first thing I hear when I wake up again."

"Anything you want, I will do." He kissed the top of my head and I sighed contentedly.

"What time are we leaving tomorrow?"

"Alice is coming to pick you up; I'll follow about a half hour behind you. Evidently the wolves are still watching the roads."

I groaned. To my knowledge there hadn't been any other interaction with the Quileutes, and I couldn't help but resent their intrusion into our lives. I understood that they felt they had my best interests at heart, but the Cullens posed absolutely no threat to me. I couldn't understand why the Quileutes refused to believe that.

"It's not that they don't believe it, love." Edward must have picked that thought out of my mind. "They do grudgingly recognize that we've maintained our half of the treaty for decades now. It wasn't until their adopted daughter began keeping company with us that they started worrying."

"They didn't worry about you killing any other people in Forks?"

"I'm sure they've been keeping a wary eye on us since we moved back, yes. We'd avoided all interaction with them until now, so I'm not really sure about the extent of their surveillance."

We were quiet for a little while after that as he slowly ran his hand through my hair, my head resting on his stone chest.

"Do you want to practice with your shield tonight?" he finally asked. I heard the reluctance in his words; Edward hated it when I blocked him out. It was only after I recounted Alice's advice to him that he'd agreed to help me, but I knew he disliked it intensely. The last time we'd practiced was yesterday evening, when I suggested that I try raising it with no warning. The first time I tried, Edward almost went into a panic and made me promise I wouldn't do it again. He hadn't elaborated on why it had affected him so strongly that time, and I hadn't pushed.

"No," I said after a moment. "I'll work with Alice and Jasper this weekend. You can hunt while I practice."

"All right." I heard the relief in his voice. "Is there anything else you'd like to have the family take to Alaska with them? My understanding is they'll be leaving on Tuesday."

"Just us," I said sadly.

He hugged me tightly. "Only a few more weeks, love. Carlisle will be here until just after Thanksgiving, we can go visit him next weekend if you like. I'm sure he'll appreciate the company."

"Yes, that would be nice."

"Then it's just you and I for a few more weeks."

"You don't hear me complaining, do you?"

He chuckled and dropped a kiss on the top of my head.

***

The next morning, Alice knocked at the door promptly at eight o'clock and we left immediately, Edward promising to follow exactly thirty minutes later.

"Carlisle wanted me to relay your cover story," Alice started as we pulled away from the apartment complex. "If you happen to run into Jake or any other nosy types this weekend, you can tell them that the family is moving away and you're saying goodbye. You can drive your truck home Sunday, and they'll be none the wiser."

"Okay," I murmured, looking out the window. "I'm surprised neither Jake nor Billy thought to ask how you and I became such good friends."

She shrugged. "We went to school together and ran into each other again in Port Angeles. I'm a pretty likable person, we hit it off. End of story!"

"Gotcha."

"Did you get to practice your shielding with Edward?"

"Not really, he freaked out the one time I did it without warning him first."

"I thought so," she sighed. "Okay, listen. As soon as we get out of town I want you to block me out. We'll be far enough away that Edward won't know."

"I told him I was going to practice with you this weekend."

"Oh good. Now, I want you to block me out for as long as you can, all the way to Forks if possible. And somewhere along the way I want you to make a decision that you know I'll see when you lower your shield. Let's see how long you can hang onto it: either until you can't keep it up any longer or Edward gets there, whichever comes first. I also want to see if it stays the same strength or weakens over time. What do you think?"

I laughed. "I think if you weren't psychic, we could put money on whether or not I can hold it for that long."

"Do you think you can?"

"I don't know. I've been focusing more on raising and lowering it than holding it."

We were approaching the Port Angeles city limits. "All right, whenever you're ready! And keep in mind I'm going to keep you talking the whole way there, as a distraction."

I took a deep breath and focused on my shield. That was how I thought of it all the time now: as an impermeable barrier between my mind and the rest of the world. It was getting easier to raise it every time I tried. "Okay, I'm good."

"Now, make a decision that you know I'll see later…"

I thought for a moment, and then grinned wickedly. I had the perfect secret to spring on her, but it would only be funny if I managed to keep the shield up all the way to Forks.

Luckily Alice drove just as fast as Edward, and within a half an hour we were nearing Forks. We'd kept up a constant stream of chatter the entire way; Alice telling me more about Alaska and what I could expect after my change. It was when she started talking about vampire sex again that I smiled a little and lowered my shield.

Her eyes glazed over for just a moment and then she let out an ear-piercing scream.

"No no no! You can't go without me! You _promised_!

"You're leaving Tuesday, Alice," I chuckled.

"I don't care, we'll go Monday. I'll pick you up from class and we'll go straight there. Or better yet, why don't you let _me_ do it? I told you that it's…"

"Alice, we've had this discussion. _You_ are not giving me a bikini wax."

"A trip to the spa is the ultimate bonding activity," she moaned. "You _can't_ go without me. I can at least get my nails painted…"

"I wasn't going to tell you because I don't want Edward to know." I was almost doubled-over with laughter now. "He'll read that in your hyper vampire brain the moment he pulls up."

"No he won't, I won't let him! _Please_ promise we can go Monday, Bella?" She was pouting at me now, making an unbelievably sad face.

"Okay, fine, Monday. But you're _not_ watching me get waxed."

She laughed. "No problem, I wasn't going to ask. But I _will_ demand details about Edward's reaction."

"You can demand all you like," I replied as we pulled up to the Cullen house. "But that doesn't mean I'm telling. Now this conversation is _over_. Banish it from your mind."

"My lips are zipped and my mind is sealed!" she sang. We were both laughing as we walked into the house; Esme and Carlisle were waiting there smiling. I had an overwhelming feeling of coming home.

"What is so funny?" Esme asked, just as my cell phone rang and Alice's giggles cut off abruptly. One look at her face and I knew who was calling without even checking the caller ID.

"Hi Jake."

"Bella… just checking to make sure you're okay."

"Of course I'm okay, why wouldn't I be?"

"I thought you might be hanging out with the bloodsuckers this weekend, and I wanted to check in on you. Remind you that we're here if you need anything."

"Thanks for your concern, but I'm fine," I snapped, my irritation over the whole situation bubbling to the surface. "Oh, and the wrist you almost broke is all better now, thanks for asking."

There was silence on the other end of the line for a moment, and when he spoke again his tone was different. "I told you I'm sorry that I hurt you. I guess… I just don't realize my own strength when I'm angry."

"Evidently."

"Are you at the bloodsuckers' house right now?"

I hissed out an angry breath. "Jacob, if you call them that one more time I will hang up on you and I won't answer any more of your calls."

"Fine. Are you with the _Cullens_ right now?"

"Yes, I'm at their house. They're leaving next week, and I came to say goodbye."

"They're leaving?" Surprise was evident in his voice.

I looked at Carlisle and he gave me a slight nod. "Yes, the whole family is moving next week except for Carlisle, since he has to finish things up at the hospital. And instead of spending time with my friends whom I will probably never see again, I'm on the phone arguing with you. Are you happy?"

"Hell yeah I'm happy, if they're leaving!" His tone was cheerful now. "So where are they going?"

"Ithaca, New York."

He chortled. "Across the country, that's awesome. Maybe you'll remember your real friends down in La Push now, huh?"

"I'm done talking to you, Jake. You're really pissing me off now."

"Hey Bells, don't be mad. Why don't you come down for Thanksgiving?"

"I'll think about it. Goodbye Jake."

"Bye, Bells!"

I hung up the phone and looked up; Carlisle was watching me with a smile on his face. "Well done, Bella. I think you just single-handedly cemented our alibi."

"He'd better not call back again this weekend," I muttered.

"Edward is going to be here in exactly ten minutes," Alice announced. "Unless you want him to see you all worked up, I suggest you start some deep breathing right now."

"Bella, why don't you take your bag upstairs, and then come back and relax?" Esme suggested. "I'll get you something to drink, and then we can all sit down and catch up. I hate that I won't see you again for a month."

"I know, me too." I took Alice's advice and sucked in several deep breaths, then hoisted my bag over my shoulder. "I'll be right back."

Up in our bedroom, I quickly unpacked and put away my clothes for the weekend, noting that none of Edward's possessions appeared to have been packed away yet for the move. I made a mental note to ask him about it just as I heard the hum of the Volvo pulling around the house. I took a few more deep breaths, willing the last vestiges of my irritation away… I wouldn't let Jake's attitude ruin the last weekend I had with my family.

When I came downstairs Edward was standing with Carlisle, his head cocked. A scowl flickered over his face and I realized Carlisle must have been recounting the phone call to him. When he looked up and saw me he sighed, raking a hand through his hair. "They don't waste any time, do they?"

"It definitely confirms what we thought about them watching us," Carlisle agreed. "They'd barely stepped into the house when Jacob called, and he knew she was here."

Edward scowled again. "This is ridiculous."

I moved over to him and wrapped my arms around his waist. "It's okay, Edward. I told him about the family moving, he sounded pretty convinced."

"Yes, he did. She even mentioned my staying here until after the holiday." Carlisle motioned for us to follow him into the living room.

"Jacob wants me to come down to La Push for Thanksgiving," I said softly to Edward.

"_No_," he growled immediately.

"He thinks you're all leaving. I'll need some excuse if I don't go."

Edward gritted his teeth together. "Love, let's talk about this later. I'm too aggravated with the dog's _audacity_ to discuss the idea of you going down there again."

"All right." I tugged on his hand and then stood on tip-toe to kiss his cheek. "I love you. You must have been driving like a mad man to have gotten here so quickly."

He sighed. "I was. I hate being away from you."

"When are you going to pack up your room?"

"I hadn't really thought about it."

"Alice and I are going out Monday after my classes, why don't you come do it then?"

"I'll think about it," he grumbled, sinking into the white sofa and pulling me against his body.

Esme had new sketches and designs to show us for our cottage in Alaska, and as we chatted about that, I felt Edward slowly relax next to me. I nestled my head back under his chin as he wrapped his arms more tightly around me; we stayed that way until Esme announced it was lunch time for the human.

The rest of the weekend passed too quickly. There were no further calls from Jake and I spent as much time as possible with my family. I hung out with Rosalie as she started packing up the garage, thanking her profusely for fixing my truck. The engine had a throaty, reassuring rumble now, and I was thrilled to have it back. Edward was annoyed that Rose had listened to me instead of him and opted not to install airbags or new seatbelts, but I laughed and told him that my truck had character.

I watched football with Emmett and Jasper, surprising them both with my knowledge of the game. I reminded them again that I'd lived with Jake and his friends for several months, and that I was pretty good at playing football too. Emmett immediately challenged me to a game of Cullen family football, but Edward put the kibosh on that.

I talked with Carlisle at length about my shield; he was extremely interested to hear how I'd been working with it. He also agreed with Alice's assessment that I'd only tapped the surface of its potential.

I helped Esme with more packing and enjoyed the calm companionship of the woman who was quickly becoming more of a mother to me than my own had ever been.

Saturday night I had the dubious honor of hearing Emmett and Rosalie moaning and groaning as they destroyed what sounded like every stick of furniture in their room. Edward laughed and hugged me tight as I sat horrified, hands over my ears. He told me it was Emmett's way of getting back at us for not agreeing to play Cullen family football.

Sunday afternoon I hugged Esme, Emmett, Rosalie, and Jasper goodbye. Alice had already made me promise again that I wouldn't bail out on our spa date, and so she hugged me and said she'd see me then. I left just after one, thrilled to be driving my truck again. Edward waited a half an hour after I left to follow me in the Volvo, but of course he caught up with me before I was halfway to Port Angeles.

Monday I started wondering if Alice really would be upset if I canceled our spa date, but I didn't have my shield up when those thoughts crossed my mind. She was waiting for me literally outside the door of my last class.

"Remember, Bella, you're doing this for Edward!" she sang as she towed me into the elegant spa. The pretty esthetician was named Julie, and she patted my hand kindly when I told her it was my first experience with waxing.

"How much do you want taken off?"

"All of it!" Alice said immediately.

"Oh my God, Alice!" I choked. "Um, no!"

"Why not?"

"Aren't you supposed to be getting your nails painted or something?"

She looked disappointed. "I was going to hold your hand; you can squeeze it as hard as you want."

"Get. Out." I said between gritted teeth.

Julie laughed as Alice flounced from the room. "Your friend is very… opinionated."

"You have _no_ idea," I muttered.

Forty-five minutes later Alice tucked me into the Audi. "It didn't hurt _that_ bad, did it?"

"No, surprisingly not. Although that glass of wine you managed to smuggle in to me helped."

"I thought it might. Just be sure to have it done again before you come up to Alaska, neat and tidy for all of eternity, remember?"

"Yes, Alice."

"And don't forget, I'm not going to peek at Edward's reaction so you have to promise you'll tell me everything."

"Yes, Alice."

"If I think of anything else, I'll call you. I'll be calling you anyway, but you know what I mean."

"Yes, Alice."

She pulled up in front of the apartment complex. "I'm going to miss you, Bella! But you'll be in Alaska before you know it." She reached over and pulled me into a strangling hug across the Audi's center console. "Edward's here, so go give him the surprise of his non-living life!"

"Okay, bye." I gave her one final kiss on the cheek and hurried out of the car before I started bawling. Four weeks, just one month. I could get through that.

Edward was waiting for me with dinner on the table. "I am a lucky, lucky woman," I whispered to him as he rained kisses on my face and lips.

"And I am a lucky, lucky man, to have such a beautiful sexy wife. You're glowing, love. What were you and Alice up to?"

"It's more of a show-you thing than a tell-you thing."

His eyebrows shot up. "Well then, hurry up and eat, please."

I sat and ate dinner as he told me about his day. At Alice's insistence he had gone back to Forks and packed up his room, recognizing that as far as the Quileutes knew, he was leaving tomorrow as well.

"I don't know if Rosalie will be ready to go tomorrow, though."

"Oh?"

"She won't let anyone help her with the garage, and she's very picky and methodical about packing everything up. It's her little world so Carlisle isn't pushing her."

"Mechanics are pretty touchy about their tools and stuff. Jake was the same way."

"I see," was his only response as I finished eating. "So, beautiful wife of mine, where have you been all afternoon?"

I stood up and held out my hand, he took it immediately and I pulled him towards the bedroom, stopping in the middle of the room.

"Now, shut your eyes, and no peeking."

He shut his eyes, a little smile on his face, and I quickly shimmied out of the skirt Alice had thoughtfully brought along to the spa and insisted I put on after my appointment. When I was down to just my La Perla bra and panties, I stepped closer to him and placed his hands on my hips. His smile grew as he felt my skin under his cool fingers.

"Now, I know you like taking off these off yourself, so I saved that for you. But you have to keep your eyes shut."

"Such a tease, Mrs. Cullen," he murmured as he skimmed his hands down my hips and over the front of my thighs, his thumbs running along the newly-bare skin. His smile vanished in an instant as a look of shock and then fascination came over his face, eyes still closed. He slowly pushed his thumbs under the edges of the panties, just under the waistband, and dragged them slowly downward.

"Did you do what I think you did?"

"I don't know what you're thinking, Edward," I said innocently. "You're the mind-reader, not me."

"Indeed…" he agreed, moving his thumbs down further to where I was wet and waiting for him. "I think you did."

"Maybe."

"Does it hurt?"

"No, but the lady at the spa suggested I avoid sex for an evening, just so it doesn't get irritated."

"Hmm…" he mused, slowly moving the tip of his thumb directly over where I wanted it the most. "Well then, what if I kiss it and make it feel better? Is that allowed?"

I was suddenly finding it very hard to breathe as he slowly sank to his knees, eyes still shut, dragging the panties down with him. "Yes, love, I somehow have the feeling that it is most _definitely_ allowed."

***

Tuesday, and then Wednesday passed. We got word Wednesday evening that Alice, Jasper, Esme, and Emmett had arrived safely in Alaska, making the 2600 mile drive in just under thirty hours. Vampires who drove at breakneck speeds and only stopped to refill the gas tank could drive to Alaska in a little over a day, evidently.

Rosalie had finally finished sorting through and packing up the garage to her specifications, she was leaving Thursday morning. Carlisle, not wanting to be separated from Esme any longer than necessary, was planning to leave the Friday after Thanksgiving.

Thursday afternoon I stayed a little later on campus for a study group that I'd signed up for. I'd reminded Edward about it that morning and he'd promised to have dinner waiting for me at five o'clock sharp. I drove myself to and from school now in my much-improved and more-reliable truck, and I hurried as I shivered behind the wheel. I never bothered turning the heat on for the short drive, as the truck never warmed up enough to be worth it.

Tonight though, I was in a hurry as Edward and I had decided to drive to Forks that evening. Despite his reassurances that vampires counted days like seconds, I felt bad about the idea of Carlisle in the empty echoing home by himself, and I'd convinced Edward that we should keep him company. I was interested in talking with him more about my shield as well.

I unlocked my apartment door with a smile on my face that quickly faded. The kitchen light was off and my steps echoed eerily: Edward wasn't there. I couldn't remember the last time I'd come home to an empty apartment, so I entered cautiously and slowly shut the door behind me. I flicked the light switch and then let out a little scream as the sudden glow revealed a very pissed-off-looking Rosalie, sitting on the couch.

"R-Rose? You scared the hell out of me! I thought you were leaving today?"

"I was supposed to," she replied sourly. "Some unforeseen complications came up with your mutt friends."

I sank down into the chair across from her, my heart pounding. "What happened?"

She crossed her arms and scowled. "I don't know all the details, but one of them called Carlisle around noon and requested a meeting. It sounded like they want to change the terms of the treaty."

"Where's Edward?" Panic was squeezing tight around my chest and throat now.

"Carlisle wanted him there for the meeting. Having a mind-reader in the family gives us a distinct edge for things like this."

"And he…asked you to come…"

"Babysit," she answered flatly. "It's nothing against you, Bella, but I could be well into Canada by now."

I exhaled slowly. "I know Edward's a little overprotective these days. If Carlisle and Edward are meeting with the Quileutes, there's really no reason for you to stay, right?"

"I didn't think so either, but Edward had a fit. He wouldn't drive to Forks until after he made me promise to come here. He wants me to drive you back." The tightness around her perfect mouth gave away exactly how irritated she was about this delay in her plans. To be honest, I didn't really blame her. If I'd been separated from Edward for two days I'd be anxious to rejoin him as well.

"Rosalie… why don't you go ahead and leave? I've made the drive a thousand times by myself, I'm more than capable of getting to your place in one piece. The Quileutes aren't any threat to me."

"He'll be mad," she warned.

"He might be mad at me, but he'll get over it. And if he gets mad at you, he'll have a whole month to calm down before you have to see him again."

Rosalie hesitated, but I could see she was considering it, recognizing the logic in my words.

"Honestly, go. I'm sure Emmett is just as antsy as you are."

A smile finally cracked across her face. "Yeah, he is."

"Then get out of here. I just need to grab my bags and then I'll head out. Edward won't know until I get there, and by then I'll be at the house and safe."

She stood in one fluid movement. "Okay…but do me a favor and keep your cell phone on? I don't need him going berserk if you end up getting a flat tire out in the middle of nowhere. Call me if you need to, and I'll turn around and come back."

"I will," I promised. "If you like, I'll send you a text and let you know when I get there, how's that?"

"Yeah, that would be good. I'll see you in a month?"

"Absolutely. Drive safe, okay?"

She snorted. "Of course. You too." With that, she stalked out of the apartment and was gone.

I hurried into my bedroom, thankful that I'd packed the night before. Although Rosalie hadn't seemed to think this new development with the Quileutes was urgent, I couldn't help but worry. Surely, though, the Quileute elders wouldn't have called Carlisle and formally requested a meeting if it was _bad_ news, would they? The Cullens had been concerned about some sneak-attack, I'd gathered, but as far as I knew none of us had given them a reason for one.

_Us_… the word suddenly jolted me to the core. Of course I was a Cullen, I'd married Edward and been welcomed whole-heartedly into his family. It was the first time I'd unconsciously aligned myself with the Cullens directly against the Quileutes, my other adopted family.

Was it to be _us_ against _them_?

I hoped not.

The muffled ringing of my cell phone, still in my coat pocket in the other room, snapped me out of my trance. I ran to answer it, tripping and almost falling in my haste. I clawed at my coat, finally snatching the phone out before it could go to voicemail, only catching the briefest of glances at the caller ID before I snapped it open. The little glowing screen read _The Blacks_.

Jacob and Billy's home phone number. A wave of nausea swept over me and I slumped on the kitchen floor, against the refrigerator, as I brought the phone to my ear. "Hello?"

"Hey Bells!" Jacob's cheerful voice boomed into my ear, and for a moment I was completely paralyzed. "How're you doing?"

"I… hi, Jake."

"So, I'm calling to invite you over again for Thanksgiving next week."

The utter normalcy of his words and his happy voice clashed hard against the panic that was still building inside of me. "Are you _serious_?"

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be? It's time to give thanks. Dad and a few of the other elders are out meeting with that bloodsu… uh, with Dr. Cullen. To renegotiate the treaty. I figured it was a time to celebrate, with them leaving town and all."

"What are they renegotiating?" I gasped, my breath ragged in my throat now.

"Hell, I don't know, but it doesn't really matter if they've left town, right? Seriously Bells, come down for Thanksgiving, please? I know I was a complete asshole the last time I saw you and you probably haven't forgiven me, but Billy specifically asked me to invite you down. I mean, it could be because he's hoping you'll cook, but…"

I banged the back of my head against the refrigerator door. "Jake… I really don't know yet. Can I get back to you on this?"

"Uh, yeah, sure… but what's there to think about?"

A beep sounded in my ear, indicating another call coming in. I pulled it away and saw _Alice_ flashing on the little screen.

"Jake… hang on one second, Renee is on the other line. Let me just tell her that I'll call her back, okay?"

"Sure, sure," he replied amiably. I hit the button that put him on hold and connected me through to Alice.

"_Bella_? What's going on? Everything just disappeared and I…"

"Alice, it's just Jake, he's on the other line trying to convince me to come down to La Push for Thanksgiving. What the hell is going on with renegotiating the treaty?"

She was quiet for a moment. "I honestly don't know. Carlisle called earlier to give us a heads-up, but he didn't know any more than you do at that point. I can't see what's going on with those stupid dogs involved."

"But can you see our future? Are we all... still there?"

"Yes," she replied immediately.

A deep breath I hadn't realized I was holding whooshed out of my lungs. "Are you sure?"

"Yes, absolutely. Bella, are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. But I've still got Jacob on the other line. Can I call you back in a bit?"

"Of course. Just please don't forget, all right?"

"I won't. Bye." I clicked back over to Jacob only to hear uproarious laughter in my ear. "Jake?"

"Huh? Oh sorry, Bells, I'm watching TV, this new show is fuckin' hilarious…"

"Yeah, that's nice. Listen, can I call you back on the Thanksgiving thing?"

"Uh, yeah, if you want. But why is it such a big deal? Do you have someone else you're planning on spending the day with?"

"No," I said softly, hating the lie even as it slipped easily from my lips.

"Well then it should be a no-brainer, right? Listen, I promise not to get into the stuffing again…"

"Jake, I've really got to go. I'll call you back later this evening, okay?"

"Jeez Bella, calm down. Is everything all right over there?"

"Yes, of course it is!" I responded, just a little too shrill. I shut my eyes and tried to drag in a silent breath. "It's just… you called just as I was walking in the door and I had a really long day. I'll call you back in a bit."

"We really want you here for the holiday, Bells." His voice softened. "Especially if you're moving to Florida in a month. We miss you, y'know?"

"Yes, I know. I'll call you back, I promise. Goodbye, Jake."

I didn't wait for his answer before I clicked the phone shut. I sat on the floor for several minutes, trying desperately to calm down. The situation couldn't be too dire if Jacob was in such good spirits, but I hated that I hadn't heard a single word from Edward. Even as the thought crossed my mind, I understood his reasoning behind it: he hadn't wanted me to worry.

It was too late now, though. I scrambled up off the floor and ran into the bedroom to pick up my overnight bag, then returned to the kitchen to hastily shrug into my coat. A quick glance around assured me that the apartment was secure for the evening, and I flicked off all the lights before leaving, locking the door behind me.

I climbed into my truck and started it, resisting the urge to immediately throw it into gear and stomp on the gas. The day wouldn't be any easier if I ended up doing something stupid and getting into an accident before I'd even left Port Angeles. Instead, I forced myself to wait as the truck rumbled reassuringly around me, sucking in and releasing deep breath after breath.

One thought kept beating through my mind, though.

Edward.

I needed to be with him.

I needed him holding me, even if it was to scold me for my impetuous actions.

I needed his lips kissing my fears away.

I needed him.

I put the truck in gear. I had absolutely no idea where Carlisle, Edward, and the Quileutes might be meeting, and it would be fruitless to drive all over Forks and La Push looking for them. If Edward wasn't home when I got there, though, I'd wait on the front porch for him. I needed to see him with my own eyes, to reassure myself that he was _okay_.

I had a faint awareness that I was being more than slightly irrational, but I didn't care. For the first time I had a glimmer of awareness about Edward's feelings regarding my safety: I knew I wouldn't relax until I saw for myself that he was safe.

As I left the city limits and headed into the forest that surrounded US-101, three thoughts flickered briefly across my mind. _Jacob. Alice. Shield_.

Almost unconsciously, I pulled my shield up over my mind, and then I was free to think, without worrying about anyone spying on my thoughts or seeing my future.

Thanksgiving. If Edward had a plausible excuse that could get me out of going down to La Push for the day, I would take it, but I had no idea what he could possibly come up with. Jacob and Billy were convinced that the Cullens had left town, and they still had no idea about Edward and I. It would probably be easier to just go for the day, to pretend everything was fine, to talk about my supposed move to Florida. To cut Billy and Jake loose with easy minds, thinking I was going to stay with my mother, far from any vampires. I could call them frequently enough to keep them assured of that notion, before gradually tapering off contact altogether.

The Quileutes had no reason to harm me, or to believe that the Cullens posed any further threat. To keep Billy and Jacob's concern at bay, I'd go there for Thanksgiving; anything to keep them from wondering why I _wouldn't_.

With the decision made I calmed down somewhat. Edward would be upset, yes, but I was sure Carlisle would agree with me. A single day's charade was easily worth peace of mind for the next month. My breathing began to even out and my heartbeat slowed down, I eased my foot off the gas pedal and the truck slowed down immediately.

I drove past Lake Crescent, the water shimmering in the full moon that had already risen. It was full-dark, but the moonlight lit up the road ahead of me as if it were day. I recognized the landmarks around me and realized to my surprise that I was already almost halfway there.

As the lake faded behind me I groped for my cell phone, thankful that I'd thought to pull my shield around my mind before making this decision. Alice would probably be furious, and I knew Edward would be, but that could all be dealt with later. Lying to preserve the secret, it was _good practice for being a Cullen_. Carlisle's words from not even two weeks before were already burned into my mind.

In my hurry to leave Port Angeles I'd simply thrown my bag, purse, and cell phone onto the seat beside me, and now my inching fingers couldn't locate my phone. I huffed a little and waited for the next straight piece of road before I turned my head, quickly searching for the little flip-phone.

I finally saw it, gleaming black against the dark upholstery, and my fingers closed around it as I snapped my attention back to the road, just in time to see two deer frozen in the lane ahead, their eyes reflecting the headlights back with an unearthly glow.

I screamed and stomped on the brake pedal, yanking the steering wheel to the right at the same time. The deer remained paralyzed in the center of the road. I could see almost every detail of their hair, hides, horns and eyes as the front right tire of the truck hit the dirt shoulder of the road. In an instant, the steering wheel wrenched violently under my hands, now completely out of my control. Trees branches slapped sharply against the windshield as the truck hurtled down an embankment, I pressed my foot violently against the brake pedal even as I realized that it wouldn't do any good.

A thick tree trunk loomed up in the headlights a split second before the front of the truck hit it head-on. My upper body snapped forward with the impact, my chest hitting the hard steering wheel with explosive force, blowing every ounce of air out of my lungs. My head followed suit as my neck folded, cracking my forehead against the top of the wheel. And then things became very black.

My first thought when my eyes opened again was that I'd been in the hospital many times before. I'd lost count by now. This would be just another entry on my already-thick chart. That thought faded out to black.

Car accident. I'd been in an accident. Did I need to worry about the truck catching on fire? Seatbelt… fingers fumbling, and then it was dark and quiet again.

…fingers found the catch of the lapbelt, so hard to push. Accident…cars always exploded in the movies…

…sudden release from around my hips, hands scrabbling now for the handle on the door

falling out of the truck, cold air sluicing over my body like an icy bath

cars exploding, get behind a tree, what

dark again, so long and far and deep, too much dark, too much

no breath no breath no breath

_Edward_

_Edward_

The name piercing the blackness between my eyes and my mind

_Alice_

No, Alice wasn't watching

…_shield…_

_SHIELD!_

I coughed weakly, feeling air ooze out of my lungs. Shield. Was it gone? I didn't know, I couldn't see, I couldn't tell. I wanted it gone, but was it? It had to be, for Alice…

_SHIELD!_ Edward was screaming at me now, in my mind. It had to go. No matter what, the shield had to go. I wasn't even sure now why, but if Edward told me to, then I would do whatever he said.

And it shimmered

and then it was just black


	15. Chapter 15

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and its characters. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**All original characters, plots, and the storyline contained within this derivative work are the property of Lazykate. This story may not be reproduced or reposted without permission from the author.**

**Chapter Fifteen**

I thought I heard my name, and I opened my eyes. I listened for a moment, but there was no sound to be heard, so I closed them again. The darkness there was no less painful, but it was a little less scary. It was supposed to be dark when my eyes were closed. Darkness with my eyes open was terrifying.

A little while later I thought I heard my name again, and this time it was accompanied by a tugging in my chest. A tugging completely separate from the pain that boiled there with every breath I took. I knew that feeling; I knew it down to the very marrow of my bones. Edward.

_Edward_…

My lips moved to say his name, but no sound came out. The tugging became more insistent, and I blinked my eyes several times, trying to see through the black fog that surrounded me. I had to get up, I had to…

Slowly drifting, and a sick feeling of dizziness. I found that I was able to turn my head and the harsh scratch of pine needles and frozen dirt against my cheek pulled me back a little more. Oh, the pain was worse here, so much worse, but I had to find Edward…

I slowly became aware of my body again. I was shaking, uncontrollable shivering that wouldn't stop even as I slowly came back to myself. I was panting too, but I couldn't get enough air. It _hurt_. Not just the angry pain in my ribs, but the actual act of breathing was excruciatingly painful.

The pain, as it intensified, sharpened my consciousness and began wiping away the fog that was wrapped around my brain.

Accident, there'd been an accident. Did I get my shield down? Could Alice see my future now? Could she see me?

Phone, where was my phone? Could I call? Could I…

I coughed weakly, the panting breaths interrupted only by panic as, for a moment, I was completely unable to draw in air. And oh God, the pain… burning in my chest, thudding through my head. The black fog threatened to come back then, and I fought it, willing my eyes to stay open.

I was lying on my right side; I finally managed to scrabble an elbow under my body and pushed against it, moaning faintly as excruciating claws dug deeper into me. I started panting again, so desperate to draw in just one good lungful of air, but it eluded me.

_Edward…_

I fixated on that thought, shoving it hard above any others. The tug in my chest strained harder in response, an undeniable pull that demanded more attention than even the pain. I grasped it desperately, because the tug was tied to _Edward,_ and it brought me some measure of calm. I felt myself slumping back down to the icy ground, but I held fast to the tug in my chest, grasping it like a lifeline that could be my only hope now.

The darkness didn't come back, although I could feel the strength leaking out of my body, the narrowing of my consciousness. Edward's name beat steadily through my head, but I had a vague realization now that I might be dying. The thought brought no panic, only a fixed resolve that his name would cradle me, would take care of me, just as he always had…

My name again. Different this time, though, muted and foggy, but echoing in my _ears_. Someone was there, someone was calling my name. The tug in my chest suddenly snapped as hard arms wrapped around me, the desperation in that voice forcing me back when no other power on earth could.

"Bella, oh God, Bella…"

_Edward_…

And it was his arms, his voice, his hands. I could feel his panic as acutely as I could feel my own pain, and it pulled me towards the source, desperate to erase it. Edward was here, I was safe now.

"Nooo… please Bella, please stay with me, don't leave me…" A body I knew as well as my own, his arms pulling me up into a sitting position, rough bark of a tree against my back. His hands running over my face and neck, his sweet scent surrounding me.

"Bella, can you hear me?"

I tried to respond to him now, but my efforts only resulted in more coughing, wet gasping, and then a warm wetness filling my mouth, bubbling out over my lips.

"Carlisle is coming with the car now, love. We'll get you to the hospital. I promise you, you'll be okay." The panic in his voice belied his words, and I managed to bring up a hand to grab weakly at the arm around me, to reassure him I'd be _okay_. Immediately his own fingers had surrounded mine, and the strangest thought occurred to me: he no longer felt cold.

His voice was a low hum now. I couldn't understand him. Was he still talking to me? Or someone else? Had he found my phone? I felt the darkness starting to creep back in around the edges of my vision and I fought it, the effort almost too much. I felt my head sag forward, his fingers under my chin tipped it back up.

"Love, please stay with me… Bella, _please_…" Terror laced his words, and I knew I couldn't let him think… I summoned all my energy and the precious little breath I had.

"Edward…" Just the weakest of whispers, but it reached him.

"Yes, love, yes… talk to me, stay with me, oh God please just keep talking to me…"

A screeching of tires from a distance, and then another voice. The recognition came to me sluggishly: Carlisle. His fingers running over my body, and then another pressure: his ear pressed against my chest.

"Hemopneumothorax. Her left lung has collapsed, and she has several broken ribs. I don't know about the head injury, but she's in shock …"

The arms surrounding me shook even as careful fingers wiped at the warm wetness on my lips and chin. "We've got to…"

"Edward, she's dying. Moving her could cause an embolism; I don't think she'll make it to either hospital in this condition."

The briefest beat of silence, and then Edward's voice, grief and fury ripping through every word. "Not here, not like this. Please Carlisle, isn't there…"

"Edward, I know her wishes as well as you do. If you can't do it, I will, but I need you to decide _now_. I don't know how much longer she'll be able to hold on. She's been out here too long…"

Sobs wracked through the arms around me now, and I tried to tell him to listen to Carlisle, but I could no longer push the words to my lips, they were too far away…

"We'll leave from here, immediately. Bella, can you hear me?"

I tried to reply, but the effort brought another weak cough, and more liquid heat spilling from my lips.

"Edward, you must do it now or I will. She has only minutes left at the most."

The gentlest of fingertips, the sweetest of touches, sweeping across my face, my eyelids, my lips. "My love, my Bella, I'm so sorry… I never meant for it to be like this…"

The hard arms shifted so that one was around my waist, the other pulled my hair back over my shoulder as he carefully tucked my body closer against his; I was sitting in his lap. The firm pressure of his lips and tongue against my pulse point, a sensation I would recognize anywhere. A sudden quick sucking there, and then the sharp give and tear of my flesh under his teeth, a penetration. His lips gripping and fastening firmly to my neck, pulling, and a tingling feeling. A weak gurgle that I recognized as my own when his lips finally released me and his tongue swiped rapidly over the bite.

Wrists now, lifted one at a time, the same sucking and piercing as before. And a slow tingle from all three points, starting as a sting, quickly growing into a painful burn. A low moan wrenched from my throat.

"Carlisle…" Edward's voice, panicky.

"Carry her up to the car and get into the backseat. I'll call Alice and ask her to look ahead for us."

The firm arms slid around my thighs and shoulders, and then I was floating. "Is she…"

"I don't know. I think you may have found her just in time; her heartbeat is faint but fairly steady. You'll have to monitor her condition, if you want me to drive."

The burning was intensifying, running like molten metal just below my skin, the pain bringing me fully awake. I was panting harder as I opened my eyes, but bringing in less breath than even before.

Edward… Edward's arms around me. I blinked slowly, his face blurring and then coming into focus as my head throbbed in protest. Carlisle just over his shoulder, opening the rear door of his black Mercedes. As Edward ducked with me in his arms, sliding into the rear seat, this new position shifted something in my chest and suddenly I couldn't breathe at all. Terror clawed at me and I began struggling in Edward's arms, desperate to find just a tiny pocket of air.

"Hold her sitting upright against you," Carlisle ordered, suddenly in the back seat with us. Stone arms moved me, my back now pressed against his chest. The movement brought excruciating pain and a tiny cry left my lips, but I was able to draw in short jerky pants again.

"Can't you give her something…"

Carlisle shook his head. "All I have is morphine, and with the respiratory distress it will do more harm than good. Bella…" His capable fingers were quickly examining me again, bringing forth more agony, but his calm voice gave me something to focus on. "I know you probably can't talk right now, but can you hear me?"

I gave him a nod, a tiny movement, and my vision swung drunkenly with it.

"You're safe now. I know you're frightened and in pain, and that it's hard to breathe, but I need you to remain as still as you possibly can. Edward will stay back here with you."

Within a second he was gone from the backseat, the door slamming behind him even as he was already settled into the front. The car started immediately, a slight bump as it crawled back up onto the pavement, and then the engine roared in a hard acceleration.

Edward's arms were bracketed around me, holding me up against his body, but not gripping me. He seemed to be aware that any touch brought pain. I let my head fall back against his shoulder, my ear pressed against his neck, grateful that I could still pull in little gasps of air from this position.

"Edw…"

"I'm here, love."

The pain was all over me, no longer in isolated spots in my body. I was shaking uncontrollably now. "Change…"

A raw moan came from deep within him. "Yes love, you're changing. I'm so sorry Bella, I'm so sorry…"

His words confirmed what I'd vaguely realized at the time. I was dying. And he'd bitten me to save me; nothing else in the world would have convinced him to change me under anything but the most tightly-controlled circumstances. The scalding fury running through my bloodstream was his venom, seeking to heal my injuries even as it subsequently burnt me alive.

"We're going straight to Alaska. Carlisle is talking to Alice right now, to make sure we aren't stopped for any reason on the way there." He'd turned his head, I could feel his lips moving against my temple as he spoke. "We'll get there as fast as we can, love. Just hold onto me, listen to my voice. I'm not letting you go."

"Alice…"

"Yes, she saw you…" His voice broke. "She didn't see until afterwards, and then she couldn't see where you were. I'm sorry I didn't get to you faster."

I panted for a few minutes, the burning taking away my ability to speak even more than the lack of air. The flames were slowly eclipsing the deep, thick pain in my chest and the throbbing in my head. But there was one more thing I had to know…

"Wol…"

He kissed my temple carefully. "You don't need to worry about the wolves, love. They don't know. Just be still and hold onto me."

***

It was strange, ever since Edward had first told me about the _mechanics_ of the change itself, I'd assumed that it was something so excruciatingly painful that everything around you just blurred out. Like a fever so high that you weren't aware of your surroundings, only seeing reality in the vaguest, most confused sense.

Not so with this. It was as though my senses were sharpened by the agony, I was aware of _everything_. The terse words between Edward and Carlisle, the regular phone calls to and from Alice.

I'd also thought that after reaching a certain threshold of pain, that it would be a constant fixed quantity. I'd had enough broken bones and other injuries over the years to know pain. I assumed there was only so much that the human mind could register before it simply was unquantifiable _pain_; as though there was a certain degree of suffering beyond which it was just "as bad as it gets." This was probably because every time I'd been in the hospital a doctor had always asked _"On a scale of one through ten, with one being mild discomfort and ten being the worst pain imaginable, how do you feel?_" I thought ten would be the most anyone could ever understand, that ten just _was_; that there was no infinity to pain.

I was wrong.

This was pain that folded and multiplied upon itself. Pain that was so _close_, I couldn't get away from it, in the same way that an ear infection could be as painful as a broken leg. Pain that simply didn't relent. Pain that, just as I thought I'd managed some kind of grasp on understanding it, began raging through another part of my body at twice the strength of before.

As much as I desperately tried to control it, after a time, my panting and shaking changed to writhing in Edward's unmoving arms. The burning had moved to my chest, obliterating the sickening ache there, but replacing it with its own brand of agony. I didn't cry out or scream; those reactions seemed too pitiful to express what was boiling through me. So instead, I pressed my head hard against Edward's neck, his shoulder, his arm. I alternated between complete rigidity and thrashing as his arms held me tight.

I wasn't aware when or how we passed into Canada undetected, but just before we had to stop for gas the first time, Edward began whispering in my ear. Up until then he'd hummed non-stop, crooning to me so quietly that I almost couldn't hear him.

"My love, my Bella, we have to stop now. We can't let anyone see you and think you're anything but asleep in my arms. Can you do that? Hold onto me, hold on as tightly as you can."

His voice was hoarse, not from overuse, but from anguish, and for the first time I realized what my change was doing to him as well. Even if he couldn't read my thoughts at the moment, he could feel every emotion, every bit of my torture. I turned my face into his neck and gripped his arm tightly, feeling my fingernails bend slightly as I dug them into the marble of his skin. I clenched my body from head to toe, vowing that if I could do nothing else, I _would_ do this one small thing he asked of me.

He lay back too, and I thought faintly that we might look like exhausted travelers, one of us perhaps having just traded off driving with Carlisle for our own shift of sleep. As Carlisle rapidly fueled up the car I could feel the trembling inside my body as I tried to lock down the pain, to hide it from Edward as much as possible.

We were on the road again for no more than a few minutes before Carlisle pulled off to the side and opened the rear door to check on me.

"Carlisle… is she…"

"Yes, her change is progressing normally." A modicum of relief flickered across his face. "Bella, you're going to be fine. Please believe me."

I looked at him, begging silently that he understand I couldn't answer him now. There were only so many things I could do at once, and minimizing the outward signs of my suffering was taking the last vestiges of mental and physical energy I had in my broken body. He sighed softly, regret in his soft golden eyes, before gently running a hand over my hair. Then the car was moving again, so rapidly that I couldn't even see the trees we passed, only a green blurry haze.

Like a fever, sometimes it felt as though seconds were passing, and then days. I felt split in two: part of me was mindlessly boiling alive; part of me was hyper-aware of every noise, every stop we made, every note Edward sang softly into my ear. And still I burned.

When the car finally began to slow for the last time, I was staring out the window I faced with unblinking eyes. The pain had intensified so much that I was incapable of doing anything but lying unresponsive in Edward's arms, locked into a hell of pain that I had no intention of sharing with him.

The car stopped, and immediately Carlisle was there, reaching out a hand that Edward ignored as he cradled me in his arms, holding me close. I saw Esme and Alice in the background, their faces creased with worry. Suddenly we were inside somewhere, rapidly moving up a staircase, and then I was lying on a bed with Edward stretched out beside me. It was quiet and dark, and could almost have been reassuring if not for the _pain_.

"We're here, my love. You're so brave, so strong." Edward's voice was barely a whisper, but his lips were against my ear, and my entire being turned towards his voice as though I were a compass needle and he represented magnetic north. For eternity, I would always be turning to him.

"This isn't how it was supposed to happen, but I remember what you asked me. You wanted me to talk to you, and I will. Now that it's just you and I, I will talk to you for the next two days and tell you every single moment since you came into my life and how it has affected me."

He sighed softly against my ear and then lightly wrapped his arms around me as I lay prone on the bed, but humming in response to him like a tuning fork. The pain was still there, no less furious, but his voice gave me a place to cringe against, a wall against the furious shrieking that was the blazing in my veins, my bones, down to each cell in my body.

"The first time I had any awareness of your existence was when you made the decision to come to Forks. Alice saw you, and managed to keep it from me for the few weeks until you arrived. I had no idea what was so important that she refused to share it with me, but I was so numb to the world, I didn't really care either.

"I heard your name in the minds of others before school even started that day: 'Isabella Swan'. Over and over. And then I heard you correcting them, telling them you preferred 'Bella'. I could see your face in their minds; everyone was thinking about you.

"At lunch, I heard you ask Jessica about me, and for the first time I was perplexed because I was unable to hear your thoughts. I had a general grasp of emotions from you, like a mist, but nothing more concrete. I was so arrogant, Bella, so frustrated and bored and egotistical. I was _annoyed_ that I couldn't read your mind. I'd dismissed you up until then as merely a distraction, something for the students to stare at instead of us.

"When you came into biology class, I would have given anything in the world for just one tiny taste of your blood. I would have destroyed everything. And while I was fighting with myself, you looked over at me, just once. Do you remember that, my love? I'm sure I must have looked utterly terrifying, but you looked directly into my eyes and for just that moment, I could read your mind.

"I've never really told you what it feels like for me, when I'm inside your mind. It's completely different from reading the mind of anyone else I've ever met. It's like an actual _place_ for me. I can feel myself physically inside of you. I was too mad with the bloodlust to recognize it that first time, but when I'm in your mind, I can feel _you_, Bella, and it's the most beautiful feeling in the world. It's more powerful than any blood will ever be. I could just crawl inside your mind and live there eternally. It's what I imagine heaven must be like. Surrounded by the essence of you.

"When I left Forks, I came here, to Alaska, and stayed with friends of ours. You'll meet them; they live the same lifestyle as we do. Carlisle very much wants you to meet Eleazar; he has a keen ability to detect and understand a vampire's gift. He'll be able to help you better understand your shield; help you to utilize it with more ease and strength. It makes me happy to know you have that to protect you… in addition to me, of course.

"Eleazar's mate is named Carmen, she's very much like Esme. I'm sure you'll love her. They also have three sisters in their family, named Tanya, Kate, and Irina. I'm sure Esme or Alice has been in contact with them, so they're probably very excited to meet you. You'll probably hear about this from Emmett, so I'll tell you now...Tanya has expressed…_interest_ in me in the past. She never held any appeal for me, love. I've never even looked at her in that way. She's come to understand that she and I are not meant to be.

"I've told you most of what it was like for me when I went back to Forks. I truly thought I would go mad, seeing you every day and having to feign disinterest. But I will never ever be able to forget Alice's visions; the ones where she saw me lose control with you. I wish I could burn them out of my brain, but vampires have perfect memories, as you'll soon find out. We'll make new memories though, love, and I can bury the old ones under those."

He talked on and on, never once stopping. He recalled the past two years for me, rambling at times, interrupting his recollections with explanations, and sometimes told stories about what the rest of the family had been doing while he waited for me. His voice curled around my body, trying its best to distract me from the fire that still raged through me. It didn't ease the pain, but it gave my mind something else to lock onto, to focus on.

Time slipped by without meaning, measured only by the burning and by his voice. He talked all the way through events up until the night of the accident, and there he left off for a moment, his voice ceasing for the first time.

Finally I felt his fingers run gently across my cheek. "Oh Bella. I have no words for what I felt when Alice called me. She was utterly frantic. I don't know why she didn't see the accident in time, unless maybe you had your shield up? All she could see was you alone in the dark, that you were bleeding, that you were dying alone in the forest. I called Rosalie…" Here he stopped again and took in several breaths. "She told me you'd decided to drive to Forks yourself. I don't blame you, love. Rosalie told me that you genuinely felt there was no danger to you from the Quileutes, and you were right about that, of course. I don't know if you'll remember what caused the accident, or if you'll want to talk about it when you do. Maybe it was just fate, trying to get in our way again.

"I ran through the forest, alongside the road, looking for you. Alice couldn't tell where you were. Carlisle was following behind in the car. We knew you were hurt, but we didn't know how badly. I had no idea how close to Forks you'd gotten, but I could _feel_ you. Do you remember when I told you that I feel a pull towards you, like gravity? I could feel it as I was running; I could feel you pulling me in. I knew you were waiting for me, that you would hold on for me.

"But when I finally got close enough… all I could smell was your blood. And it was horrifying, my worst nightmare in front of me, even before I saw you. I could smell so much blood, and I knew that it was too much for you to have lost and…"

His voice cracked and he stopped again for a long time, I lay silent beside him. "But then I heard your heart beating. Your little heart was still pounding away, and it was the most beautiful sound I'd ever heard. You were holding on for me, I knew it. And even when your heart is no longer beating, I'll carry the memory of that sound in my mind for all eternity."

He carefully cradled me in his arms and hummed softly to me for a while, I recognized it as _Liebesträume_ #3, the song from my lullaby cd, the song he'd played for me many times on the piano. When he finished, he kissed my hair. "Bella, do you remember you said that you couldn't listen to _Clair de Lune_ because it reminded you of me and it made you sad? _Liebesträume_ always made me sad, up until you asked me to change you. And then I realized I wouldn't have to look back with any regrets, because you wanted me as eternally as I wanted you.

"My only regret is that your change came about this way. Could you hear Carlisle and I talking, in the forest? I thought surely if we got you to the hospital you could recuperate, that I could spare you all this agony now. Carlisle was willing to change you if I couldn't. I think he would have even if I _wouldn't_. He knew this was what you wanted, that it was your choice. And he knew that it would destroy me if I lost you. There is no _me_ without _you_. Everything that I am is wrapped up in you.

"Do you remember when we laid in bed and went back and forth on love poetry? Do you remember the first one you quoted to me?

'_I have no life but this, _

_To lead it here;_

_Nor any death, but lest_

_Dispelled from there;_

_Nor tie to earths to come,_

_Nor action new,_

_Except through this extent,_

_The realm of you!_'

"It says so simply exactly how I feel about you. I have nothing except through you."

His fingers moved lightly over my face. "Beautiful Bella. My life, my love, my mate. Do you remember when we laid on the couch, when I made you come just before you decided to drag me off to go _necking_ in the woods? Do you remember thinking about Alaska, wondering what it would be like? I can't wait to experience it through your eyes for the first time. Every part of it: I want to make love to you out in the snow, in front of a fire, in our bed, in our cottage. Esme is out there right now, frantically trying to complete all the renovations and decorating for us. She's concerned it'll be a little unfinished, but I somehow think you and I won't be looking at the details. I may not allow my beautiful, unbreakable wife out of our home for some time.

"We're in the main house now, in my room. You were right when you imagined this home as logs and glass. Everywhere you look is light and space. At night you can stand at the windows and look up to see the northern lights and shooting stars by the dozen. We actually rent this property out as a hunting lodge when we aren't spending time here, just for the upkeep. We're surrounded by miles and miles of forest. You and I can run for hours and not see a single human. There is an incredible variety of game, though. It's a perfect place for you to get used to your new life."

He hummed again to me for a while, his fingers never stopping their gentle stroking over my face. "We won't have to worry about the Quileutes any longer," he said finally. "Rosalie said that she told you they requested a treaty renegotiation. It was ludicrous… first they wanted assurance after assurance that we were indeed leaving the area, then they wanted to change the treaty to include _no-fraternization with the humans_. It was ridiculous, and Carlisle pointed that out to them. We would stick out _more_ if we didn't make an effort to blend in with the humans. They were thinking of you, of course. It was clear in their minds. It was interesting, reading their minds and learning quite a bit that we didn't know. Evidently none of them ever once came to Port Angeles to check on you. They were running circles around our property like mad, but they seemed to be convinced you were safe far away. It would have been humorous if it wasn't such a great relief to hear.

"In the end, Carlisle stood fast and said there was no reason whatsoever for changing a treaty we've abided by for decades. I was glad he did that. I sometimes felt he was too generous with them in the interest of keeping peace between us. We may not ever return to Forks again, Bella. Or if we do, it won't be for a very long time.

"We have forever in front of us now, love. There is so much I want to show you; places I want to take you, experiences I want you to have. I want to make love to you for days, as I promised. I want to teach you to hunt. For so long I could only see what I felt were horrid ugly things about our existence, but knowing that _you_ will be part of that existence… it brings a whole new meaning to it. At one time, I would have thought my actions damned your soul, and I would have hated myself for it. Now I feel hope, I feel joy. I've been given the greatest gift in the world, and that is _you_, eternally. I don't know what I did to deserve such a gift, but I'm more grateful for it than you'll ever know."

After a time I heard quiet footsteps approach the bed, and kind fingers I recognized as Carlisle's touched my forehead.

"She's quite cool already."

"Yes, she has been changing more quickly for the past hour." They were talking rapidly in that low hum I'd never been able to understand before, but now I could just barely catch their words and I found myself straining to listen.

"Can you hear her thoughts?"

"No, she's been blocking me out for some time now. I can only assume she's trying to spare me the pain."

"Rosalie is back."

A soft growl was the response.

"She's devastated, Edward. I haven't seen her so upset since she brought Emmett to us. She's blaming herself."

"As well she should."

"Would Bella agree with that?"

There was silence for a moment. "Probably not."

"She wants to talk to you, and to Bella, when the time comes."

"I certainly have no way of stopping her."

"Please forgive her, Edward. Her actions weren't malicious. It was an accident."

"An accident that could have taken my wife away from me forever." Edward's voice was cold.

"She's well aware of that. Just consider my words, for the sake of our family? And for its newest member?" Carlisle's gentle hand touched my forehead again. "I think she may awaken in a few hours. Everyone is very excited. They can't wait to see her."

"Just please give us a few minutes after she wakes up?"

"Of course. I'll be downstairs if you need me." His near-silent footfalls moved away, and then a door clicked quietly shut.

Edward sighed softly, and then began talking to me again. "You don't have to block me out, love. Carlisle thinks your change is almost over. You'll find that the pain will start going away soon. I hope I helped, even a little, since you wanted my voice to be the first thing you heard when you woke up again. All I want is to be able to look into your eyes, and see you looking back at me, and hear you telling me that you love me, in your mind. Just like you did when we were married, when you repeated your vows in your mind for me to hear. When you wake up, look in my eyes and tell me you love me, and we'll start a whole new life together."

On and on he talked, until finally I noticed something odd: the fire was no longer burning in my extremities. I wasn't sure exactly when it had stopped, since it still raged fiercely in my head and torso, and especially in my chest. My breathing had slowed dramatically as well, unless time was playing tricks on my mind again, but my heartbeat had sped up considerably. For a moment a strange thought crossed my mind as I felt it thumping uncontrollably: _Charlie_.

Inch by tiny inch, moving slower than the sun across the sky, the pain began fading away from my head and abdomen. Unfortunately, like a sponge, it seemed as though all the burning that had been spread throughout my body had been drawn straight into my chest, pooling directly into my frantically-beating heart. My arms and legs went rigid again as the pain screamed at a higher level than before, and I convulsed involuntarily.

Edward's arms tightened around me. "I'm here, love. I'm here… it's almost over…"

Over? When would it all be over? I couldn't stand it anymore; I couldn't take any more pain without shattering into a million pieces. I couldn't believe what my own body and mind was telling me. All I could do was trust Edward, to believe him when he told me I'd soon be opening my eyes…

My heart coughed once, then again. Then silence, deafening in my ears. The pain centered in my chest cooled almost immediately, and I could have wept for joy at the release from the hell I'd burned in for so long.

"Bella…?" The sweetest whisper in the world, right next to my ear.

_Edward_. He was waiting for me.

I opened my eyes.

* * *

A/N: So am I forgiven now? I know that was a wicked evil mean horrible cliffhanger I left you with in the last chapter, but remember that life doesn't always go according to plan, even for these two. Surely I've redeemed myself by getting this chapter out to you early?

So now we have Bella as a vampire! What will her first few moments be like? Will these two finally catch a break…or will Bella find herself having to keep Edward from throttling Rosalie?

I got incredible news today that truly knocked my handknit socks off…_I Don't Believe in Vampires _has been nominated for an Indie Twific Award! You can see the entire preliminary list of nominated fics at www(DOT)theindietwificawards(DOT)com, be sure to go over and check them all out!!!

Many thanks to my beta Stratan, who continues to have faith in me even when I send him wicked evil mean horrible cliffhangers, to all of you who take the time to review and speculate on what the next chapter may bring, and to the ladies I chat with…you know who you are, and you make my day! A BIG smooch and a high-five to my FF-twin Brits23…you all ARE reading our collaboration _Dirty Little Secrets_, aren't you? Click on my profile to find it!


	16. Chapter 16

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and its characters. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**All original characters, plots, and the storyline contained within this derivative work are the property of Lazykate. This story may not be reproduced or reposted without permission from the author.**

**Chapter Sixteen**

When I was human, waking up from a long sleep involved a prolonged drifting towards the surface; a sweet blurry clearing of my mind, blinking and occasionally the mild confusion between vague dreams and reality. Not so now.

Now, in the briefest flicker of a blink and snap, my mind was clear. My eyes were open and every single nerve ending in my body was simultaneously alert and _aware_.

I saw everything at once. Muted daylight coming in through glass double doors off to my right, comfortable rough-hewn logs above my head, a rustic armoire at the foot of the bed, and to my left…

Edward.

My first movement was towards him, of course. It was instinct now.

He lay stretched out beside me, but propped up on his forearm; his beautiful golden eyes watching me anxiously. I had no words in that moment… no words…

Because he was beautiful.

Everything I'd taken for granted before: the perfection of his bone structure; his skin; the symmetry of his features… I'd appreciated their beauty before. But now… I couldn't stop staring at him. It was like looking at something so infinitely beautiful that the longer I looked, the more magnificence I saw, and the more I ached with the perfection of it.

There was nothing I could say to him that would convey the pure raw emotions that surged through me. Seeing him there, waiting patiently, the one being that had given me strength and beckoned me onward through a hell that was now behind me...I could think forever and not come up with words to adequately explain how I felt in that moment. So in the end, I said the simplest thing instead.

"Hi." I felt my cheeks lift and my lips part in a smile as I met his eyes and whispered to him as quietly as my new voice would allow. The relief in his perfect golden eyes was immediate as he returned my smile.

Even as I watched his expression relax, I was hyperaware of other things, as though there were many channels in my brain, all functioning flawlessly at once. I could feel the threads in the sheets under our bodies. I could hear footsteps and whispers from downstairs, as well as the wind whooshing around the house and the faint corresponding creaks of the building. And the _smells_… the weathered age of the logs, still faintly tangy with long-dried resin, the faint layers of dust here and there, but most of all… _him_. A perfect blend of sweet raw honey and lilacs warm from the summer sun.

All of this flew through my mind before he even had a chance to reply to me.

"_Hi_ to you too, my love."

"Edward…" My second word, it should have been my first, but even so I knew that every ounce of happiness and longing and joy and love was conveyed in that one single word. Even as his name left my lips, my hands were already reaching for him, meeting his as his arms wrapped firmly around me and pulled me close.

"My love, my wife, my Bella…" he groaned into my hair, pushing hard kisses against my head and face. In that moment the last shreds of tension that had surrounded him shivered and disappeared, the sweetness of relief and elation enveloped us as he kissed me over and over again. Finally he pulled back far enough to cup my face in his hands, his eyes alight with absolute adoration, and then his lips crashed hard into mine.

And this kiss… forever after I would remember this as my _first_ kiss, because everything before it was pale and faint compared to the dance between us now. I could feel _everything_ and it was intoxicating… warm, soft lips pressing feverishly to mine, the urgent pressure of his tongue begging for entry, and then the sweet push-and-pull of our mouths as he shifted on top of me, deepening the kiss, his teeth scraping ever-so-lightly over my lips. He finally broke away with a moan, his hand sliding back to tangle in my hair, his kisses moving tenderly over my cheeks, nose, and forehead.

"You gave me quite a scare, love. I've never been so grateful to see your beautiful eyes open and looking at me."

I hummed against him appreciatively, too wrapped up in the hot breath against my ear and cheek to form a sensible reply.

He ran his lips down my jaw and nipped at my chin before speaking again. "I'm sorry that things happened the way they did… but in this moment… I'm not sorry for anything else. I have you here, now, in my arms, and that's all I'll _ever_ need."

His words were a flash-fire that melted my bones and set my skin blazing as I arched against him. "Edward… I want…"

"I know what you want," he whispered, his voice a husky promise of things to come. "And believe me, I want it all too. The family wants to see you, and then they'll leave us alone… for as long as we want…" His words trailed off into a groan as I squirmed impatiently under him, moving solely on need now. It burned slow and deep inside of me, kindled with every caress of his eyes and hands.

He kissed me and then laughed against my mouth before pulling back, his hands again framing my face, both thumbs rubbing gently over my lips. I hummed and quivered like a bowstring against his touch, wanting and needing _more_. My conscious rational mind was being quickly subverted by my primal drive.

"My beautiful one," he whispered, teasing. "You must not have heard me before. Look at me, look into my eyes and tell me how much you love me. Tell me so I'll hear it echoing in my mind over and over again as I love you."

I smiled up at him, into a face that was sweet with anticipation and yet also eager with lust. I wanted him so badly, but more than that, I loved him with a profound ache that throbbed through me and couldn't be expressed adequately with spoken words.

_I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you…_

His smile faltered slightly even as his eyes dug deep into me.

_Edward? I love you, I love you so much, I love you…_

Now his smile was gone. "Bella? Love?"

I blinked, hearing the tiny clicks and whispers of my eyelashes tangling and then releasing. _Edward_…

Now mild alarm flickered across his features. "Love, please let me in. It's over, it's all over. You're awake and you're perfect, and I'm here…just tell me that you love me in your mind, just…"

My confusion must have finally drifted over my face, even as I began chanting his name in my brain. In a split second he'd scooted me up and sat me up against the headboard of the bed, his knees on either side of my thighs so he was crouched over me, his hands gripping my face as his eyes bored into mine. At the same time the footsteps from below became more hurried, and then they were on the stairs. Edward's panic was tangible now.

"Bella…Bella please, let me in. Please love, just let me in. Everything is fine, but I need…I need…"

There was a quick rapping at the door, and Edward's head snapped to it in an instant. "Go away!" he barked, his hands never leaving my face.

_Edward, what's wrong? Stop, I'm here, I'm here! Look at me, I'm here! I love you, I love you, I don't know…_

His eyes were widening with palpable panic. The force behind them would have pinned me to the bed if I weren't so suddenly and completely swept up in the fear that swirled around him.

"I can't hear you." His words were a faint whisper from the back of his throat, but I immediately heard and understood. In a flash, my hands were up and framing his face, a perfect mirror image of his grip on me.

"I'm here, Edward, I don't…"

He didn't hear me, I could tell. His pupils were dilated so much that the topaz was only a thin ring, his lips parted in horror. The rapping at the door ceased as the knob twisted, but in a split second, Edward was between me and his family as they entered. First Jasper, then Carlisle came in, Alice immediately behind them with Emmett on her heels.

"Get out!" Edward snarled in a voice that would have terrified me before, but now it only served to heighten my anxiety. Carlisle stood unwavering against him, Jasper tense at his side.

"Edward…"

Only the love and trust he had in his family must have overruled his protective instincts; he turned back to me, panic in every move, every line of his body. "Bella… _I can't hear you!_"

I was shrieking now in my head, _willing_ him to hear me, to be done with this nightmare. The newness, the strangeness, the sensory overload of my new mind and body were forgotten as Edward was back over me, his eyes piercing my own. My mind was still shrieking and somehow he must have recognized the effort if not the results. In the next second he sucked in a deep breath and had me in his arms.

"_Edward_!" Alice shrieked, her sweet high voice shrill. "Please, _wait_!"

He ignored her, tucking me tightly into his chest, wrapping his arms protectively around me. There was an explosive cracking of wood as he kicked open the double doors, and in an instant we were outside. There was a slight jar when he hit the ground, the yells fading behind us as he gripped me more securely and ran.

Edward ran for what seemed like an eternity, but I was hyperaware of every second that ticked by in that time. Additionally, the bombardment of scents, smells, and noises around us became almost too much for me to process, since I was so fixated on his panic. I could feel it batting around in the center of my chest, the same type of gnawing I would have associated with a panic attack in my human life. Whenever I tried to speak, desperate to alleviate his worry, he only pulled me more tightly against him and ran faster.

He finally stopped running and abruptly sat down under a tree with me still in his arms. "Edward, I…"

"Shh, wait, love…" he whispered, before cupping my cheek in his hand and tilting my face around to his. The desperation in his beautiful eyes almost broke my now-silent heart.

"I had to get you away from all of them… I'm sure, if it's quiet enough, if I listen hard enough… I'll be able to hear you."

I bit my lip even as I began silently chanting his name over and over. He held my face gently, a sharp contrast to the intensity of his gaze, and I could see that he was desperately trying to will himself into my mind. Even as I was drawn into his eyes, seeing for the first time the tiny flecks of gold in the topaz, I felt no reassuring jolt, no familiar presence inside this humming beehive that was now my brain.

It was just Edward looking at me, and me looking back.

After a long time, disbelief flickered across his features. "Bella I… I can't hear you. I can't _feel_ you… I can't get _in_."

"Edward, please calm down. I don't understand what's going on either." Even as I spoke soothingly to him, I was started by the sound of my own voice. It _sounded_ like me, only sweeter, more melodious.

He shuddered beneath me. "I'm sorry love, I'm so sorry. Your first few moments awake and I'm doing this to you…"

"Shh," I whispered, putting my hands on either side of his face. "I'm not upset with you. It's a shock to me too."

"Can you… are you… do you have your shield up?"

I closed my eyes for a brief moment, looking for the thin shimmer I'd come to recognize in days past, but there was nothing. "I don't know. I don't see it, but it _must_ be…"

His arms tightened around me. "It must… something to do with your change…"

I wrapped my arms around his neck. "It's still me, Edward. It's Bella. I'm still me. I'll just be a little quieter for a while, until we figure this out."

"I don't want you quiet," he mumbled into my neck. "I want to be inside your mind, I want to feel everything."

"You can't hear… anything?"

He shook his head slowly. "I can't hear you, I can't feel your emotions… nothing. When you opened your eyes and smiled at me, it was just… silence."

"It'll just be quiet, that's all. I'll still tell you every single day how much I love you. I'm still the same Bella, your wife, your mate."

He tilted his head back to look at me. "Do you feel the same?"

"I… well, no." I'd been concentrating so completely on him, I hadn't even spared another thought for myself. I'd known I was awake and safe, that had been enough for the moment. "I feel very _aware_."

His lips moved into a ghost of a smile. "Yes, that sounds about right. What else?"

"I can see, and hear, and smell _everything_," I whispered, finally tearing my eyes away from him and casting a glance around us. We were surrounded by a forest blanketed in snow, deep shadowy green depths contrasting sharply with the sparkling white drifts that piled up in smooth unbroken mounds. The sounds… I felt as though I'd been underwater all my life, and had only now broken the surface. I was sure I could even hear the pine needles rubbing together and the occasional snowflake fall.

"You have to tell me, Bella," he whispered into my throat.

"It's all so… sharp, and I'm aware of _all_ of it," I murmured, amazement breaking over me as I now turned my attention to my new body and senses. "Like I can see and smell and hear and taste it all at once, but it's not too much… it's just… all there, processed at once."

"Yes?" he encouraged.

I looked down at our entwined bodies for the first time; he still held me crossways on his lap. Neither of us were dressed for the weather; he was in a black t-shirt and faded jeans, I was in a short white dress I'd never seen before. My arms and legs were exposed, and they looked like the loveliest of marble sculptures; firm and smooth with absolutely no imperfections in sight. I lifted my legs and pointed my toes, enjoying the easy movement of my muscles, amazed that my body was already in motion before I'd even thought to order it.

"I look like you now," I said softly.

"You look _better _than me now, my love." I turned back to face him and he raised a hand to stroke my cheek. "You are _exquisite_, Bella Cullen."

"What do I look like?" I breathed, suddenly enraptured by his face. The anxiety from earlier was slowly melting away from both of us, and in its place was a need tugging more strongly than anything else I'd ever felt.

"You look," he started, and then shook his head. "I have no words. You are still my same beautiful wife, except… I hadn't believed it would be possible for you to get any lovelier. But you have. Every single magnificent thing about you is even more so. Bella… you take my breath away. My perfect, stunning wife."

"Your mate," I reminded him, slowly running a hand down his chest.

"My mate," he agreed. His eyes were darkening rapidly; my weak human eyes hadn't been able to actually capture the change in color as it happened. Now, however, I saw the topaz deepen to a rich amber-brown, and then darker still.

"Are the others going to come looking for us?"

"I don't think so," he said after a moment, lifting a finger to run along the smoothness of my neck, down across my collarbone. "Even if Alice may not be able to see you, she can see me, and they'll know we're okay now."

I licked my lips and with that movement I could not only smell him, I could taste him in the air between us. Arousal was zipping quickly through my body now, and it felt the same as before, except at ten times the strength. I could literally feel every inch of my skin tingle as he raked his eyes over me; all my nerves seemed to simultaneously stand on end. A low urgent heat began to build between my thighs, much more demanding than anything I could remember from before. I wanted to distract him from his worries, but more than that I was selfish, and I wanted _him_.

"Edward… I want you. I _need_ you."

His hand ran up my bare thigh, under the dress, and I shivered deliciously at the contact as his hand came to rest on my hip. "Tell me that again," he growled.

"I need you inside of me. I need you make me scream."

In an instant, he was on his feet and carrying me away from the tree, to where more snow had accumulated as drifts in the open. "What are you going to scream, my love?"

"I'll be screaming for you… begging you," I gasped. Edward sank to his knees and lowered me into the snow. I vaguely registered the strange sensation of snow without _cold_, but then Edward was stretched out over me.

"You wanted to make love in the snow?"

"Yes…"

"Bella," he groaned, peppering kisses along my jaw. "I can't make this sweet and slow, not this first time. I need you too much. I need to be inside you."

I wrapped my legs around his hips and then gasped as he flexed instinctively against me, his erection pressing hard against the heat that was now growing to a maddening burn. I didn't just want him inside me; I needed it, badly, before I went insane.

Edward tugged my dress over my head and cast it aside, and then I was completely bare. He made quick work of his own clothes as I squirmed under him, before falling back over me, placing hard frantic kisses over my face and neck. His knees parted my thighs and, in one forceful thrust, he was inside of me.

My immediate scream of delight echoed through the trees and up into the sky. I was bright and burning, brilliant in a million different colors behind my eyes. A Fourth of July sparkler, a glittering rainbow of sensation, each nerve that quivered and screamed inside of me had its own glint, its own taste. _I could feel it all_.

Edward moaned in response against my throat before he began plunging forward again, his hands holding my hips firmly to meet his movements. I let him do as he wished with my body; I threw my head back and arched to meet him, enraptured by the way I responded even more perfectly to him now.

He reared back onto his knees, still inside of me, never ceasing his movements, and I knew he was watching me. I could see myself reflected in his black eyes: my white body against the whiter snow; long dark hair spilled around my face; my lips parted in ecstasy.

Hot and hotter, hard and quick, building to a peak that simultaneously seemed immediate and yet impossible. Pleasure that kept increasing, as though there were no end to its reach. Edward gripping my thighs, groaning my name when he could, pushing into me at a new angle, jerking whenever another scream of ecstasy tore from behind my clenched teeth. I could feel my own strength now, coiling and tensing inside me, urging me to meet him thrust for thrust. I bucked my hips up to meet him, and in that moment, he snarled and fell apart inside of me. The pleasure throughout my body shivered like fine crystal before a high-frequency tone and then shattered.

The pleasure rode on waves that both rocked me and swallowed me whole. I could feel my climax throughout every inch of my body, every single cell hummed and collapsed before expanding again, like breathing. I could feel myself pulsating around him, and could feel him jerking inside of me. I felt Edward's orgasm even as he felt mine.

He collapsed on top of me, arms immediately around me, still inside of me. "My Bella, oh my Bella…"

I sucked in breaths which were wholly unnecessary, but still delicious, as they were perfumed faintly with the scent of us in the thin air. I thought that I could almost hear our nerves and synapses crackling like static electricity, stretching and then curling up like a cat, purring with the pleasure that still wrapped around us like a steel ribbon.

I never could have imagined it. Never ever could I have understood what _this_ would be like. It was almost too much to be believed. To be able to not just experience pleasure, but to see it, to understand it, to feel every bit of it as it unfolded inside me… it was bliss.

Edward's warm lips on mine now, kissing me languidly. "I won't always be so quick, my love."

"I already know that, silly," I replied slowly, testing out my vocal cords again. To my surprise, my speech was completely unaffected by the explosions that had just ricocheted through me. I'd half-expected to be a wilted mumbling mess after all of it.

He placed his hand over my silent heart. "Can you feel that?"

I held my breath and focused inward, on the feeling in my chest. It was a throbbing: not the sharp, dependable staccato that used to beat there, but a warm slow, comfortable pulse nevertheless. "Yes."

"_This_ is what I've felt for you, what I was waiting for you to feel as well. _This_ is what we have instead of a heartbeat now, love. That rhythm you feel there is _us_."

I gasped as my sharpened brain immediately seized his words and he smiled, bending to kiss me again. "You don't know how long I've waited for this, Bella. I didn't feel it at all until I met you, and even then it was faint. I knew it would be stronger after your change, but it's almost overwhelming… it's almost like it's _our_ heartbeat, _our _life… it's _us_. There is you and I, there is Edward and Bella, but most of all, there is _us_. This is where we overlap; this is where we are one. My mate, my life. I don't exist without you."

He kissed me again, unhurried, for some time. "We have to go back, you know. But after that, I want to go slow and do things properly."

"That was quite proper, I assure you," I whispered against his lips.

He smiled and my lips moved with his. "Imagine that… but for hours, for days."

"Mmm," I moaned softly, shifting my hips under his. "Can't we start now?"

"I would love nothing more," he agreed, lips slipping up to kiss each of my eyelids. "But I guarantee you that Alice _will_ come charging through the forest, probably with the whole family in tow. We should assure them we're fine, and then hang a _Do Not Disturb_ sign on our doorknob."

I sighed in resignation and he propped himself up on his forearms above me. His eyes, although no less lustful, had gone back to their normal shade of topaz. "How do you feel, Bella?"

"I feel perfect."

His expression was thoughtful but he didn't speak again for a moment. "I suppose we should get dressed, then." He slid out of me, eliciting a moan from deep in my throat, and he flashed me a wicked grin. "Soon enough, my love, soon enough."

He was on his feet in a flash, and then reached down his hands to me. With no effort at all I sprang up beside him, exhilarating in the comfortable yawning stretch from all my muscles. He reached up to brush the snow from my hair and nude body; not a single flake had melted on me. "Look…we made a snow angel."

I turned to see the deep impression of our bodies in the snow. "That doesn't look like any snow angel I've ever seen."

"It's a Bella-angel, then," he amended softly, running his hand back over my hair. I caught my breath at the depth of love in his eyes and wondered if he could see the same thing in mine. He pulled me tightly to him and we kissed for a long time, naked bodies pressed close, standing in the middle of snow and trees and silence. Eventually he found my white dress and shook it free of the snowflakes before handing it to me. He dressed rapidly, and then held his hand out to me.

I thought that maybe we would run, or that he would carry me, but instead he took my hand tightly in his and we walked back to the house. I asked him a thousand questions, and he answered each one. Sometimes we paused just to kiss and touch and feel the warm pulse in our chests as we pressed together. It was full dark before we arrived back at the house.

The family was all waiting for us there with encouraging smiles and greetings. Esme and Alice hugged me tightly, but Rosalie sat unmoving on the couch with her hand gripped tightly in Emmett's. Jasper kissed my hand before pulling me into a tight hug, and Carlisle gripped my shoulders as he kissed both my cheeks. The whole time Edward hovered close behind me, unwilling to have me more than a foot away from him at any moment.

When all the greetings were through, we all settled in front of a roaring fire in the enormous living room.

"It goes without saying," Carlisle noted, "That despite all of the unexpected events that led to this moment, we're relieved that you're all right now."

I smiled at him, and Edward squeezed my hand. "Yes, I'm fine."

"In your absence we discussed… the fact that your blocking ability seems to have… become absolute?"

I felt Edward's body tense behind my own, and I fought to keep my response and emotions in check. "Yes, it would seem so."

"I personally don't understand why something like this would have happened," Carlisle mused. "Especially since you were able to recognize and control your gift before your change… I truly have no idea why it is so inflexible now. It seems almost as though you are permanently blocking Edward, Jasper, and Alice. I can only assume you would also block any vampire whose gift extends to the mind."

I stole a quick glance at Alice. She was curled up into Jasper's side, her eyes sad.

"Alice… did you know this was going to happen?" Edward's voice broke the awkward silence.

She shook her head immediately. "No. Every time I looked into the future, I could see Bella, but in the strangest ways. I could never see _her _future. But I could see her, laughing and happy in _our_ futures. I could see her in yours, Edward; I could see her in mine. So I knew the outcome was okay, I just wasn't sure why I couldn't see her future specifically." Her pretty face crumpled in anguish. "I'm sorry I didn't say anything before, I just… I genuinely didn't understand it."

"It's not your fault," I rushed to assure her. "None of us saw this coming. It's not an exact science, remember?" She gave me a quivering smile.

"I took the liberty of calling Eleazar," Carlisle spoke again. "Do you remember me telling you about him, Bella?"

A conversation from long ago with murky details swam fuzzily through my brain like a dream I hadn't tried to capture. "He understands gifts?"

"Yes. He'll be here in a few hours, he's coming alone. We thought it would be beneficial to give you and Edward some answers about this… turn of events as soon as possible. You'll meet the rest of his family soon as well."

I nodded my assent, hoping fervently that Eleazar would be able to give me insight about how to allow Edward back into my mind. I would have done anything to remedy the situation myself, but I genuinely didn't understand it at all. I didn't see my shield in my mind as I had before, so I didn't know why it would be blocking my family out now. And as Edward's anguish was my own… I would count the minutes until I could have him settled safely into my thoughts again.

"I also want you to understand, Bella, that it was necessary for us to arrange the accident scene so that it appeared you died there." Carlisle spoke with the greatest of sympathy, recognizing that this part would not be easy for me to hear. "Rosalie went back and took care of things there. It's something we've had to learn how to do over the years."

I blinked. "What about... my body?" I looked over at Rosalie, but she was silent and unmoving in Emmett's arms.

"There are ways of making it appear that an animal came across your remains, which would explain the absence of a body," Carlisle replied gently. "The truck was very hard to see from the road, based on the news reports I've been following, it was only just found yesterday evening. Although there has been some minimal investigation, it seems as though they'll be closing the case. It's being considered a tragic accident."

I took a deep breath. "I understand. What about the Quileutes?"

"As far as we know, they've accepted the story as well. In fact, they've organized a memorial service for you at La Push, open to the entire community."

"Maybe this was for the best, then," I whispered, looking at Edward. "I think… if I'd left there on my own, I always would have been looking over my shoulder, wondering if we would accidentally cross paths with them again."

Carlisle looked at Edward thoughtfully, and a moment later Edward shook his head. "Bella, Eleazar should be here in about three hours. If the two of you would like your privacy until then, we certainly understand. We can talk more after he arrives."

With that, the family left the room in pairs, leaving only myself, Edward, Rosalie and Emmett. Emmett finally stood with an exaggerated stretch and yawn. "I think I'll catch a few winks or something. I'll be waiting for you in bed, Rosie." He grinned at me. "Can't wait to challenge you to an arm-wrestling match tomorrow, sis. Newborn or no, I'll take you."

"You're on," I said automatically, but my eyes were on Rosalie, who was still sitting on the couch opposite.

The three of us were silent for a few minutes before she finally spoke, and her voice was rough. "Bella… I just wanted to tell you I'm sorry."

Edward growled quietly behind me, and I elbowed him in the ribs, feeling a spark of satisfaction when he grunted with the impact. "There's no apology needed, Rose. It was an accident."

"I honestly didn't think there was any danger in you driving to Forks alone," she said slowly. "And I'm sorry that you had to suffer because of my lack of foresight."

"It was a car accident, people have them every day. It could have happened to me the day before, or the day after, or never. In the end, it was just bad luck and deer."

"Deer?" Edward queried.

"Yes… I swerved to avoid two deer in the road." He growled again and I rolled my eyes. "Edward… the deer are long gone. Get over it."

Rosalie smiled faintly at me. "I wanted to apologize, but I also wanted to give you this." She uncurled from the couch and picked up my battered overnight bag from where it had been hidden behind the furniture. "Carlisle suggested that I remove any evidence that you were planning to spend the night in Forks. And… I made sure your journal was inside too."

My breath left me in one explosive gasp. My journal. My link, the tie I'd so carefully woven to help me remember every beautiful thing about my human life. Rosalie handed it to me and set the bag at my feet; the moment she straightened I leapt up and threw my arms around her in a tight hug.

She stood stiffly before squeezing me briefly in return. "I know how important it was to you, so I'm glad I was able to do that one little thing."

"It means the world to me. Thank you."

"You're welcome. I'll leave you two alone now." And with that, she darted from the room.

I stood for a moment more, looking at the leather journal in my hands, before slowly sinking back down into Edward's embrace. "I'm so glad…" I whispered.

"Yes, that was very thoughtful of her," he admitted grudgingly. "And she didn't say a word when you almost broke her in half."

"I… what?"

He chuckled. "Bella, you're a newborn, and as such, you're very strong. I thought her eyes were going to pop out of her head when you hugged her."

"Oh." I felt a flutter of embarrassment. "I'll have to remember that."

"Definitely remember it when you're arm-wrestling Emmett tomorrow. You may as well teach him a lesson or two for as long as you're stronger. Just try not to break _me_, love."

"Hmm," I said thoughtfully, curling up closer to him. "This strength thing may have its advantages."

He stroked my cheek. "Indeed."

"What else do I need to know about being a newborn?"

Edward was quiet for a moment. "Your appearance has changed. You may be in for a surprise the first time you see a mirror… your eyes are red for now."

"Red?" I repeated, startled. "Why are they red?"

"All newborns' eyes are red, love, due to the amount of your own human blood still in your body. They'll turn gold like ours over time as you hunt animals."

At the mention of hunting, an uncomfortable tingle that had been tickling the back of my throat began to burn more steadily. "Do I need to hunt?"

"Yes." He continued to stroke my cheek and I focused on the comfort of his hand on my skin to distract me from the burn. "We don't really have time now, though, if Eleazar will be here in a few hours. I don't want to rush your first hunt, and Carlisle agrees."

"It hurts, Edward," I whispered, not wanting to complain, but the burn was growing steadily now that I'd acknowledged it.

A flicker of sadness went over his face before he responded. "I know, love. Carlisle and Esme are hunting now, for you. Your first meal will be from a cup, just enough to ease the burn for the time being."

"A cup? Geez, newborn indeed."

"I know… but your first hunting trip isn't going to be a quick thing. Especially since I'll probably tackle you to the ground in a fit of lust after watching you take down your first wild animal."

A more pleasurable burn was making itself known in my body now, and I fingered Edward's t-shirt. "Are newborns known for being _insatiable_?"

"Of course," he murmured against my ear, before giving it a sudden sharp bite. I squeaked and jerked upright in surprise, he was grinning at me.

"That's the first time I've been able to bite you like that, you know. I always had to be very careful to only nibble on you with my lips, not my teeth."

"I liked it," I breathed. "You can do it again anytime."

"You can bite me back too," he offered wickedly.

"I'll keep that in mind."

"Would you like us to have some privacy for a bit, Mrs. Cullen?"

"Very much so."

He pulled me to him tightly, crushing my lips to his before standing and gently setting my feet on the floor. "Shall we go explore our new home?"

"The cottage!"

"Yes, Esme finished it while we were out earlier." He took my hand in his and led me to the door. "She was fretting over some of the little things not being done, but I don't think we'll mind."

We stepped outside and again I was struck by the fact that although drifts of snow were everywhere, the air hitting my skin was comfortable, almost balmy. It would take some getting used to… just like Edward's lips being warm and soft to me now. I laughed a little.

He turned to look at me, a sad smile on his face. "What's funny, love? You have to tell me out loud now."

"I was just… thinking about how we were rolling around in the snow earlier and it wasn't cold."

"It was cold, just not to us," he corrected, pulling me close and wrapping his arms around my waist. "It takes a little getting used to."

I smiled and kissed him softly. "That's exactly what I was just thinking."

He sighed a little and rubbed his nose over my cheek. "That's something else that's going to take some getting used to." He didn't elaborate, but I understood what he meant, so I just held him close as he reached one hand up and placed it over my heart. The connection between us throbbed more intensely at the contact. "As long as I can still feel this," he said, and I realized he was talking to himself, not to me. "As long as this is there, I'll be okay."

"Yes," I whispered. I didn't tell him that being outside, with the rich scents of the forest surrounding us, was flooding my nose, increasing the burn in my throat exponentially. Instead I concentrated on him, willing the burn to the back of my mind where it smoldered instead of flared. I'd been too wrapped up in him during our previous expedition to notice all the smells that were mercilessly taunting me now.

He held me close for a long time, then bent and placed a careful kiss to the place on my throat where my pulse had once beat, the place where I knew I now bore the mark of his teeth. "Be patient with me, Bella," he said finally. "When I lost my ability to hear and feel you, I felt like I was losing you all over again. I feel as though I've lost one of my senses; that I lost the safest place I had in the world."

"You haven't lost it, I'm just quiet for a while, remember?" I kissed his forehead hard. "I refuse to believe that something I was able to manipulate so easily as a human is completely out of my control now. I probably just need to re-learn it."

"Yes," he whispered, and then kissed my throat again. After a moment he straightened and kissed me lightly on the lips. "Let's go see our new home."

The caretaker's cottage was approximately half a mile down the snowy drive, tucked back into the trees so it wasn't immediately visible. The path to the door had been shoveled, and soft light glowed cheerily from the windows. It wasn't a large structure, but it looked solid and comfortable.

Edward turned to me as we reached the door and quickly swept me up in his arms. "All the customs must be observed, of course." I laughed and hugged his neck as he opened the door and carried me over the threshold. He kissed me over and over again before reluctantly putting me down and shutting the door behind us. He wrapped his arms around my waist and rested his chin on my shoulder as I took my first look at our new home. _Ours_.

My first thought was that it was _comfortable_. The entire first floor was open and felt spacious. Wood floors with thick area rugs, simple but effective décor. There was a hearth where Esme had thoughtfully laid in a fire, the furniture was sturdy as befitted the environment, but cozy. The windows were surprisingly large for the room. I noted with delight that one whole wall was a bookshelf filled with endless rows of titles, along with much of Edward's music collection and even framed photographs from my apartment. I drifted over and looked for a long time at the photo of Charlie and me at La Push over Christmas, three days before his death. Jacob had taken the photo.

There was another one of Renee and Phil, and I felt a ripple of sorrow run through me as I gazed at their smiling faces. Edward's hands ran slowly over my sides. "I'm sorry this didn't all happen the way it was supposed to, love. More sorry than you know."

"No," I said quietly. "This is the way it's supposed to be. Not the way we'd planned or wanted, but the way it's _meant_ to be. We were meant to be together like this."

"Yes," he acknowledged after a moment, turning my head and kissing my cheek. "Esme took out the kitchen, knowing we wouldn't have any use for it."

"All your Food Network lessons are no longer useful?" I asked wryly, appreciating his efforts to distract me.

"Unless you're the first vampire to fancy her dinner cooked, yes, I suppose so. But they were useful while it lasted. The extra room will be nice in case you decide to take up a hobby."

I eyed the extra space. "We could fit a piano there."

"You want a piano love? Then we shall have a piano. And I'll play for you every night, just as I promised."

"Do they deliver pianos all the way out here?"

He chuckled. "For the right price, they'll deliver anything anywhere. I'll take care of it tomorrow."

"Where's the bedroom?"

"Upstairs. I would take you on a personal guided tour right now, but…"

As if on cue, there was a soft knock at the door, and Edward smiled. "Your dinner has arrived."

He opened the door to reveal a smiling Esme. "It's rather unconventional, I know," she apologized, "But necessary this once." She stepped inside. "Do you like the cottage, Bella?"

"I love it already, Esme, even if I haven't seen the upstairs yet. It's perfect. Thank you so much for doing this for us."

"We can change things later on, if you like. For now, though, I just brought you this." She held out two large thermal travel mugs, the kind with lids that snapped on for spill-free driving. The sight was utterly incongruous and I almost laughed out loud… why would vampires have travel mugs? As she extended them to me, though, the faint scent from inside them hit me and the burn in my throat roared back to life, so fiercely that I immediately had to lock my muscles to keep from ripping the mugs out of her hands. The lighthearted atmosphere vanished as my teeth clenched together and an involuntary shudder went through my body. Edward reached out and took the mugs from her. My body didn't move but I followed him with my eyes, fixated on the scent that was the center of my universe now.

Esme said something else I couldn't hear, and then she was gone. Edward set one of the mugs down on a side table and approached me with the other one. There was a hollow roaring in my ears and my trembling increased as I fought with every ounce of strength not to lunge at him and tear the mug to pieces to get at what was inside.

"Carefully, love, hold it gently," he soothed, putting the mug in my hands. I ripped the lid off and the scent hit me full-force. I couldn't have stopped then for anything in the world, I brought it up to my lips and sucked greedily at the liquid inside.

I moaned the instant it touched my tongue: hot, thick, and salty, yet so very sweet at the same time. It ran down my eager throat, easing the burn that raged there, and I drank until the mug was empty. It was exquisite; it was everything I needed in that very moment. It was heaven in liquid form, something I hadn't realized I needed so badly until the first raw scent of it had hit me with the force of a wrecking ball.

Edward tried to pull the empty mug away from me, and I was surprised by the sudden proprietary growl that boiled up from deep inside of me.

"There's more, love, there's more. Let me help you." I allowed him to slip it out of my quivering hands, noticing that my fingers had left deep dents in the metal exterior of the mug. He handed me the second one, and I tried to go more slowly this time, but again it was like slipping into the most decadent of hypnotic trances. The feeling of the warmth sliding around inside my eager mouth, coating my tongue, providing a heady balm for the flames in my throat. I drank without stopping again until the mug was empty. I stood shivering, wanting to cry for more, as Edward put the mug down beside the first and pulled me into his arms.

"Better?"

"I want more," I whimpered, hating myself for sounding so pitiful, but desperately needing more of the thick, rich goodness that I knew was _blood_. This was bloodlust then; this undeniable need for something that had horrified me in my human life. I wanted to rip the metal cups apart to get at the inside, to lick them until every last trace was gone.

"You can have more, love, you can have all you want. This was just to help you with the burn. We'll leave to hunt immediately after we're done talking to Eleazar."

I licked my lips and his eyes followed the movement of my tongue. "What was it?"

"Bear, I think. Did you like it?"

"Yes," I whispered, my shivering easing a little. "It was good."

"It's even better when you hunt it yourself," he murmured against my ear. "I can't wait to see that. But for now…" I gasped as he brought his face around and delicately licked at the corner of my mouth. "You missed a spot, love."

I moaned and then spoke against his lips. "Are you hungry?"

"I'm hungry for you, for another taste of your body."

I could see his eyes were black now, and I wondered if mine were as well. "I don't want to hunt or to meet Eleazar. I want _you_, Edward, now."

I felt the growl rumble up from his chest, and in an instant I was flat on my back in front of the fireplace, lying on a decadent, thick wooly rug. He had my dress off in the next second, ripping it from my body this time, as his lips burned over my skin, giving me _almost_ everything I needed… but more.

* * *

A/N: So Bella likes the blood…that's good to know. And Edward can't read her mind now…that's kinda sad to know! Why do you think that is? Anyone who guesses correctly gets a shout-out in the next chapter!

So the good news just keeps on rolling in…last Friday I found out that I'd been featured on the Perv Pack Smut Shack's Roundtable Recommendation! You could have knocked me over with a feather…especially when I found out the evil cliffie had been a source of much grumpy transatlantic discussion, gnashing of teeth and so on! Check out the article here: www(DOT)pervpackssmutshack(DOT)com/2010/01/i-dont-believe-in-vampires-by-lazykate(DOT)html And if you don't already follow these deliciously-decadent ladies…start now. Seriously. I at least try everything they recommend.

One item of note…there will NOT be a new chapter of IDBiV next week! Before you start sending me hate mail, please know it's because I've already started working on the Holy Grail of my outtakes story…Chapter One from EPOV! I know how many of you have been waiting for this, and I want to do it justice, so I'll be focusing all my writing mojo on what Edward was up to that fateful night…if you don't have the outtakes story or me on your alerts, you may want to sign up so you don't miss it!

Finally, mucho thanks as always to the super-beta Stratan, and to both Brits and Amy for talking me down off the ledge over this chapter. For serious.


	17. Chapter 17

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and its characters. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**All original characters, plots, and the storyline contained within this derivative work are the property of Lazykate. This story may not be reproduced or reposted without permission from the author.**

**Chapter Seventeen**

Although I hadn't been given the opportunity to think much about it, Eleazar was nothing as I expected. He was tall with dark hair and faintly-olive skin under his pallor, calm, quiet eyes and a gentle smile. He clasped my hand firmly, his topaz eyes searching mine deeply.

"Bella, it's an unexpected pleasure to meet you so soon."

"Likewise," I murmured. I desperately hoped that the kind vampire before me would help me understand my shield and how to manipulate it again, but part of me was afraid of his answer. What if I would never be able to let Edward back in again? Although I knew it affected him more profoundly than I, I'd grown accustomed to the easy comfort of his presence in my mind and the thought of losing it for eternity was more than slightly alarming.

"You'll meet the rest of my family very soon," Eleazar continued easily as we sat down in Carlisle's office. Edward sat just to my left, clasping my hand tightly in his, Eleazar faced me, and Carlisle was behind his desk. "Needless to say they're very excited to meet you; we have been close friends with the Cullens for many, many years, and look forward to getting to know you as well."

I smiled, feeling more at ease. "Thank you, I appreciate that."

Eleazar sat back in his chair. "Have Carlisle or Edward told you anything about me?"

"Only that you can understand a vampire's gift more clearly, and that you might be able to help me understand mine."

"Yes. It's not foolproof, especially in cases such as yours, but let's see what we can figure out. Now, Carlisle has told me that Edward was never able to read your mind completely, is that accurate?"

I took a deep breath and Edward squeezed my hand. "Yes, he could only ever really read my mind when he was looking into my eyes."

"Otherwise I would sense her mood or emotions in a more empathic sense," Edward added. "If she was extremely relaxed, I could catch small fragments of her thoughts without eye contact, but that was infrequent."

"And then the family started mentioning something about blocking him, just in passing. About how they'll occupy their mind with something else to keep him from reading their thoughts. Alice especially." I smiled at my husband. "So one day I tried to imagine a wall around my mind… not a wall exactly, more of a force field, as goofy as that sounds. And when I did that, Edward was blocked out completely… he couldn't sense my feelings or read my mind at all. So I started practicing with it, and it got easier to raise and lower it; I imagined it as an actual shield."

"And your shield was effective against Alice and Jasper's abilities as well?"

"Yes."

Eleazar nodded slightly. "I myself can sense absolutely nothing from you, Bella. Were it not for the fact that I see you before me, and can hear your voice, I would almost believe you weren't there at all."

Edward shifted unhappily next to me. "She had her shield up at the time of the accident and during her change as well. Could that have caused this?"

I looked at him, puzzled. "No, I didn't."

"What?"

"I mean… yes, I had it up just before the accident, I do remember that, but I got it down. And I wasn't trying to shield myself during my change, not with my mind. I would never have done that to you."

Edward was staring at me, completely confused now. "But you were blocking me…"

"I wonder…" Carlisle mused, "If that was the point at which her subconscious shielding began. Do you remember when you first realized she was blocking you out?"

"Not precisely, but it was after we got here."

"I was trying to be quiet," I said softly, "I didn't want you to worry more than you already were. But I wouldn't have blocked you out of my mind, not knowing how much you hated it."

Edward looked completely stunned. "So at some point during your change…"

"Her gift strengthened and solidified enough to block you out." Eleazar leaned forward, elbows on knees, his chin resting on his fingertips. "Interesting."

"Why is that?" Edward asked urgently. "Why was she able to recognize and control it so easily as a human, but not at all now? That doesn't make sense!"

Eleazar sat back and was quiet for a moment before speaking. "Let me first tell you about some of the shields I've encountered. They're not exceptionally rare amongst our kind, in general, although the characteristics of each one often vary. Some are physical shields, where they can literally repel your body away."

"Like Renata," Carlisle said, and Eleazar nodded.

"One of the bodyguards for the Volturi has the ability to will you away from her, or from the one she's protecting. You would literally be unable to get close enough to touch her. Other shields protect the mind in general, some protect against only certain gifts. Obviously they're hard for me to define since, by their very nature, a shield blocks me out."

He smiled kindly at me. "Your shield in particular seems to be very strong, protecting you not just from others' gifts, but from detection as well. As I mentioned before, if I closed my eyes I would truly believe there were only three vampires in this room. Even without a gift, vampires have the ability to sense when another of our kind is near. You though, almost seem… invisible."

Edward's grip was tightening on my hand. "So why can't she control it?"

Eleazar shook his head. "You know as well as I do that the gifts we bring over from our human lives are strengthened and amplified after our change. A shield is purely a defensive mechanism. Right now, hers is wrapped so tightly around her, I'm not at all surprised she doesn't have the ability to manipulate it."

A heavy silence fell over the room. Edward looked incredulous. "But that doesn't… she could control it before…"

"She was probably controlling a very tiny part of it, Edward. Perhaps the only part she was conscious of was the only part she was capable of controlling."

"Like an iceberg," I whispered, faintly remembering words from long ago, although I had no idea who'd said them to me.

"Exactly," Eleazar agreed. "Her gift may have seemed surprisingly strong as a human, but it's exponentially stronger now. Beyond her ability to control it for now."

"So… what do we do?" Edward asked after a moment. He sounded shell-shocked.

"It's not a disease to be cured, Edward," Carlisle said gently. "She's a newborn. You can't expect her to have the control that it takes others decades or centuries to achieve."

Edward scowled, and I could tell he wanted to argue the point, so I quickly interjected. "How do I go about learning more about it?"

Eleazar looked thoughtful. "My experience with shields has been in passing. The only one I knew for any length of time was Renata, the others that I've encountered were nomads. You could certainly visit the Volturi to see if they could help you gain a greater understanding of your gift and how to manipulate it. Of course, over time, you'll also learn by trial and error, just as you did as a human."

"As a newborn, visiting the Volturi at this time is out of the question," Carlisle said firmly, probably seeing the excitement in Edward's eyes. "Bella is not even a full day old yet, she's still getting used to her new life, and it goes without saying that taking her out where she may encounter humans is impossible right now."

"Agreed," Eleazar replied immediately. "It's enough to know that, although your change did not go according to plan, you are safe and sound now. Have you hunted yet?"

"She has fed," Edward answered for me. "But we're going on her first hunt immediately after this." At his words, the faint burn in my throat became more insistent again, and I was immediately sidetracked by the thought of the blood I'd drunk earlier. More, I needed _more_ of that.

"Why don't you go now," Carlisle suggested. "Eleazar and I will be here when you return. In the meantime, Bella, let your instincts guide you. Good luck on your first hunt."

"Thank you," I said over my shoulder, as Edward tugged me from the room. He had a scowl on his face.

"That wasn't exactly the response I was hoping for," he muttered.

I took a deep breath, still somewhat astonished at the utter lack of needing to do so. "Can we go hunt now, please?"

"Of course, love, I'm sorry. Do you want to change before we go?"

I shrugged and looked down. I was wearing a short black dress now, since Edward had ripped my white one from me earlier. We'd found a small amount of clothing in our cottage for me, but Edward assured me that Alice had already ordered a completely new and extensive wardrobe for me. "Am I going to get dirty?"

"I can't promise you won't."

"This is fine then. I just want to get out there… it _burns_."

Edward smiled a little as we left the house hand-in-hand. "What are you in the mood for?"

"I don't care… something, _anything_. Am I going to know what to do?"

"Yes," he assured me immediately. "You may feel as though you're out of control, but that's just your newborn instincts. Do what feels natural to you, you'll do it automatically."

I ran my tongue back and forth over my lips, smelling and tasting the tantalizing mystery of the forest around us. "Don't let me do anything stupid."

"Like what?" he laughed at me, pulling my hand until we were both running.

Like waking up from a long sleep, my muscles stretched and the pleasure of their movement was intoxicating. Despite the fact that it was pitch-black, and we were running full-out through a thick forest, I felt no hesitation, no worry. I could see every obstacle ahead of and around us, and I didn't even have to think as my feet simply placed themselves where they needed to be, propelling me onwards. I shrieked with delight as we jumped over a fallen tree, giving it no more forethought than our steps on level ground.

Edward's laughter floated back to me and I tugged my hand from his, willing my legs to move faster. They obeyed readily and I immediately shot past him, giggling as I ducked and dodged around the trees. "Catch me if you can!" I yelled back at him, not winded in the slightest by our run.

There was a growl from behind me. "You really shouldn't have said that, love!" he called back, and in the next moment there was a whoosh behind me and Edward's arms were around my waist, tackling me headfirst into a deep snow bank. We emerged laughing like children, and I only laughed harder when I saw that he was covered head-to-toe with snow.

"You look like... Frosty the Snowman!" I said between giggles.

"And you look like a snow-cone," he countered, playfully pushing me back down into the drift. It collapsed around us, so for a moment, we were completely buried in white; a perfectly pristine silent world. His face and lips were inches from mine, and I immediately took advantage, kissing him thoroughly.

"We're supposed to be hunting," he mumbled.

"We _were_ hunting, until you tackled me," I reminded him, slipping my arms around his neck. The burn in my throat was still there, but was pushed back by my yearning to have him again.

"It's your fault," he complained, planting hard wet kisses against my neck.

I threw my head back and laughed. "I told you to catch me, not bury us in a snowdrift."

"I could build you an igloo instead," he offered.

"I don't need an igloo, I need you."

"Hmm," he looked thoughtful for a moment. "I know what else you need."

"What?"

He gathered me into his arms and pulled us up slightly. "Listen," he whispered against my ear.

It took a moment before I could wrench my attention away from him, but when I did, I noticed it immediately: heavy, plodding footsteps and a sound I hadn't heard for some time: a heartbeat. There was also the scent coming from that direction, and it was unappealing, my nose wrinkled automatically against the smell, but the sound of the heartbeat grew until I could actually hear blood slushing through the veins.

I was completely frozen with Edward's arms around me, his lips against my ear. If he didn't release me soon, I would throw him off, I knew I would. I wouldn't be able to stop myself. The sound of the blood… I could hear every single drop as it scraped along the walls of the creature's veins and arteries, I could smell it through the thick fur. The burn in my throat exploded until it completely pushed my brain and its rational thought into the background.

Edward's restraining arms released me immediately when I moved against him, and I launched myself in the direction of the sound, the blood. I was on the creature in a millisecond, my arms wrapping around its head, allowing the weight of my body to swing around, snapping its neck and simultaneously bringing my mouth down to where the blood pounded the closest. In a split second my bared teeth tore through hide even as my nose wrinkled again at the smell. And then…

The sweet taste was in my mouth, and it was hot, and it was everything I needed. I moaned involuntarily, pushing harder, falling down on top of the creature as its legs buckled, sucking more fiercely as gulp after gulp went down my throat. The burn there abated slightly with each swallow, and when I could draw forth nothing more, I sat there, dazed.

"Bella," came a quiet voice from behind me, and I blinked, coming back to myself.

"What was that?" I heard myself ask from far away, looking down at the heavy head that rested on the snow before me.

Edward reached down and gently pulled me to my feet. "An adult moose. I'm truly impressed."

"I ate a _moose_?" I asked, looking at the limp figure on the ground before me.

"Well, you _drained_ a moose, yes. The whole thing, no less. Did you like it?"

I was still staring at the corpse in front of me, slowly realizing that _I'd_ done that. "Yes… and no. I didn't like the smell. And it wasn't as good as what you gave me before."

"We'll find a small carnivore for you, then. Their blood is more appealing than an herbivore's. You must be almost full, though."

I closed my eyes. I did feel full, but it wasn't unpleasant. And the burn was still there in my throat, only somewhat sated. "How did I do?"

"You hunt like a mountain lion, love. I was expecting to have to help you for your first time, but you knew exactly what to do."

"Do we just… _leave_ it there?"

"Yes, there are plenty of scavengers that will be at it as soon as we leave. It's nature's way."

Edward pulled me away and we walked further into the forest, our playful mood from earlier now gone. Part of me deep down was shocked that I'd so easily killed a living creature, but that part was easily eclipsed by the need that still burned in my throat. More so, I was stunned at the _power_ I'd displayed… that little Bella was capable of such a thing. The burn had completely overtaken any rational thought; I'd even been willing to throw Edward aside if he hadn't released me when I did. And then to tackle such an enormous creature without a second thought, to snap its neck as easily as a twig…

With a little help from Edward, I caught and drained a lynx and he was right… a carnivore was appealing to me, and the blood from the much-smaller creature satiated me more than the entire moose had. I watched quietly from under a tree as Edward quickly took down a grizzly for himself. He moved with a much greater ease than I knew I did, assured that his prey wasn't going anywhere after he targeted it.

He smiled after he finished and returned to me. "Still hungry?"

"Yes… no… I don't know," I replied, feeling frustrated. "I feel _full_, but the burning is still there. I want it even if I don't think I can physically hold any more."

"I know," he said softly, reaching out to pull me into his arms. "It never does go away, completely."

"Nothing ever gets rid of it?"

He kissed the top of my head. "It's like a human's stomach growling, you couldn't have gone for very long without eating before getting a cramp in your stomach, right?"

I had a feeling he was dodging my question and I glared up at him. Edward sighed, knowing what I meant even without reading my mind. "Human blood satisfies it more, yes. But we both know you don't want that."

"No," I replied quietly.

He held me close for a time, and then tilted my head back to kiss my lips. "I want to show you something. Come on."

Taking my hand in his, he guided me through the forest, both of us walking slowly now. My confusion from earlier was still there, and after a while I broke our silence.

"Edward… when I went after that moose, it was like I wasn't in control at _all_. I didn't even know what I attacked."

"Yes," he agreed.

"Is it always like that?"

He rubbed his thumb reassuringly over my hand. "It gets easier, I promise. Right now, your new body and mind are being controlled by instinct in many ways, and that includes the instinct to feed. That instinct ensures your strength and your survival. As time goes on, it will become easier to control it. As long as you don't let yourself get too hungry, the urgency won't be as strong."

"What about humans?"

"The thirst for human blood is stronger, which is why we've made plans to stay here for some time, to allow you to adapt to everything before we start introducing you back into their world."

"How long?"

He shrugged. "As long as it takes, my love. There is no hurry. We have forever ahead of us now."

I was quiet for a moment. "If that had been a human back there, I would have killed it?"

Edward squeezed my hand before replying. "You would have tried."

"I wouldn't have even… thought about it or… stopped to realize I was committing murder?"

"I would have stopped you, love."

"_Could_ you have stopped me?" I asked, remembering what he'd said about newborn strength.

"I would hope so," he said calmly. "Besides, nothing like that will happen. We're miles and miles from any humans, and Alice will see you… or rather me, if anything is going to go wrong."

I shuddered, truly realizing for the first time what it meant for me to be invisible to Alice's gift of foresight and the protection it provided. "One of you will have to be with me all the time…"

Edward smiled down at me. "What do you mean _one of us_? I'll be with you every second of every day if you want me there."

"Of course I do," I replied softly. "I just didn't realize…" My words stuck in my throat.

"How overpowering the bloodlust would be?" he finished for me, stopping and turning me to face him. I nodded, an overwhelming sense of shame flooding through me.

"I just… attacked it. I didn't even think… and I would have thrown you off of me. I wanted it so badly. I can't even say I _wanted_ it, I _needed_ it, like it wasn't a choice!" I was babbling now. "The fact that you could be with a human in every way and never attacked me… I guess I figured it would be mind over matter, that if I just kept control, it wouldn't be that bad. I couldn't have stopped back there for the world, Edward, and I'm scared! What if I do something horrible? What if I get away? You won't be able to find me!" My entire body was shaking now, and I knew if I was still physically capable of crying, I would be.

Edward pulled me tight against his chest. "Love, my love… I understand everything you're saying. I wish I could take away all those fears from your mind, but all I can do is reassure you that your entire family will do everything we possibly can to keep you safe. I hadn't intended on letting you out of my sight for at least a decade anyway, and Alice can keep an eye on you through us. We won't let anything happen."

"How can you _stand_ to be around humans? If it's worse than that was?"

"Bella, I've been a vampire for over ninety years," he said softly. "I was a newborn once, too. And each of us is different… Jasper has been a vampire much longer than Emmett, but struggles more with his control around humans. And then you have Carlisle, who was able to control his thirst from the very beginning. You at least had foreknowledge about what this life would be like, and you _are_ much more controlled right now than most newborns. The fact that you and I made love before your first hunt is a testament to that. I'd half-expected you to take off into the forest when we were here earlier."

I shuddered in his arms. "I'm afraid of myself."

"I know."

"I have the physical ability to kill a human being… _multiple_ human beings, and the urge to do it."

"Not the opportunity, however," he soothed. "I will never let that happen to you. You are too beautiful and too good to feel the guilt of such a thing."

"But I'm a monster to even want it."

Edward was quiet for a while, gently stroking my back. When he spoke again, sorrow was heavy in his voice. "I felt that way for a long time too, Bella. Not only did I want to murder, I _did_ murder. I told myself it was acceptable because I only hunted those that were predators like me, those who would hurt or kill innocents. After a while, though, my definition of 'predator' became more lax. I was justifying murder to myself, of course.

"When I couldn't stand the guilt any longer, I returned to Carlisle and Esme. They welcomed me back wholeheartedly, without a mention of my misdeeds, and that only added to my guilt. I didn't deserve their love or acceptance, but they gave it to me anyway. And I've fought, to some degree, every single day since then to keep from giving in to what every instinct tells me to do.

"And then I met you. Not only did I want to take your life, I decided I wanted you for my own. I knew you deserved so much better than a soulless monster like me, but I selfishly pursued you anyway." I started to protest, but he placed his finger over my lips and continued. "I didn't deserve you, but I wanted you, and I set out to have you. I was beyond guilt at that point, Bella. I _hated_ myself. If it were even remotely possible for a vampire to commit suicide, I would have done it. I didn't deserve to live, and I certainly didn't deserve you. I was evil and beyond redemption, in my eyes."

"No," I mumbled into his chest, but he continued on.

"The only thing that was able to change my mind, after ninety years of self-loathing, was _you_ Bella. I loved you, and I was going to do whatever was necessary to have you, but then you loved me back. And anyone as good as you could never love a soulless creature. I have past sins that I may have to answer for some day, but I no longer believe I'm a monster. And Bella," he placed both hands on either side of my face and tilted my head back so I was forced to meet his gaze. "I will _not_ allow you to believe you are a monster either. Your soul is pure and perfect. Mine may be tarnished, but I now believe it's still there."

"Why didn't you tell me all this before?" I whispered.

He smiled, gently stroking my cheeks with his warm fingers. "I did tell you some of it, you just don't remember yet. But the rest… you wouldn't have believed it. You only saw the good in us, Bella."

"I still only see the good in you," I replied stubbornly.

"So you understand why I will never allow you to consider yourself ugly or evil or damned. Everyone in the world has something they struggle against, my love, whether it is hurting others, stealing, lying, cheating, or any other number of sins. As long as we endeavor to fight those urges, we aren't monsters. Do you understand?"

I thought about his words for a long time, logically they _did_ make sense. "I have you to help me fight them, though."

"We all help each other," he corrected. "We all have our moments of weakness, except probably for Carlisle because he's as close to a saint as one of our kind can be. If Jasper, or Emmett, or Rosalie, or any of the others needs help, you'll be there for them, giving them strength. We're a family, we depend on each other. You are my strength, and I will be yours."

This feeling of crying without tears was strange, and I buried my face further into his chest. "I love you so much. I can't… I can't even express…"

"I understand everything you're feeling, my love," he crooned softly, kissing the top of my head. "I wish I could get into that beautiful head of yours so I could make that statement completely true, but I _do_ understand."

I pulled back a little from him. "Is it… that horrible?"

"What?"

"Not being able to read my mind." I bit my lip.

"It's strange and more than a little disconcerting, but…" he studied my face, and then suddenly his eyes went wide. "You don't think I feel any differently for you because of it, do you?"

"I don't think so…"

"Bella!" His hand was under my chin in a flash. "I would still love you with every single part of my being even if you had _chosen_ to block me out. I do not love you any less or any differently because of it."

I wrapped my arms around his waist. "You were so upset… and so determined to find a way around it…"

He dropped his hand and then crushed me to him, hard. "My love, I am so sorry. I had no idea that I was being so insistent, or that it would come across that way. If we never find a way for me to get back into your mind again, so be it. As long as you tell me what you're thinking, that's good enough for me."

"I _liked_ you in my mind," I said, standing on my tiptoes to kiss his chin. "I want you back in there too."

"I won't deny that I'm desperate for it," he admitted, and then leaned over to press gentle kisses to my forehead, my cheeks, my nose. "Everything happened so fast, so unexpectedly, that it was the final ultimate shock, and I handled it very badly."

"No," I said thoughtfully. "You said the same thing that Eleazar said… that I'm silent, as if I'm not there."

"I wondered about that too. _I_ can feel you, but I'm sure that's the connection we have anyway. To hear that you're practically invisible to other vampires is something to think about, though."

"Stealth-Bella." I smiled against his lips. "This could be fun when I sneak up on Emmett."

"Oh yes," he agreed, chuckling. "You have a distinct edge anyway, but sneaking up on him will _really_ piss him off."

"Rosalie won't kick my ass for it?"

"She kicks his ass on a regular basis, I assure you," he murmured, before pressing for a deeper kiss. "Although, I must say, their antics are the last thing on my mind at the moment."

I wiggled my hips against the hard length of him, pressed against my abdomen. "Is _this_ on your mind?"

"Unquestionably," he growled softly.

"We seem to have a _thing_ for making love in the forest, Mr. Cullen."

"Hmmm…" was his only response, warm against my neck.

"So if a tree falls in the forest when no one else is around…"

"…Edward and Bella are otherwise occupied," he chuckled, his hands molding my body against him.

"God," I gasped as he ground against me. "Will I ever get enough of this?"

"I hope not," he muttered, dropping to the ground suddenly, carrying me with him so that I ended up straddling his pelvis. A faint memory flickered far back in my memory of us in this position before, in a meadow far away. I bent forward and kissed him hard, letting all the emotions that swirled deep inside come up to the surface; a forceful edge that hadn't been there before. He moaned approvingly, thrusting his tongue between my lips even as his hands pulled me down firmly on his arousal.

I wriggled hard against him before tugging his shirt up over his head, and then went to work on his jeans, trying to be mindful of my newborn strength. He put his hands behind his head and grinned at me as I tugged his jeans and boxers down, pausing in frustration to untie his shoes and yank those off as well.

"What's so funny?" I snapped, before standing and gingerly pulling my dress over my head. I'd chosen to forego undergarments when I'd dressed earlier.

"You, trying to be careful. You may be stronger than I am, but I'm not breakable, Bella."

"I was being considerate of your _clothing_, my dear. I haven't even started on your _body_ yet."

Edward quirked an eyebrow at me, and in a flash I'd straddled his pelvis again, snatching his hands from under his head and pinning them the ground next to my calves. "Go ahead, _try_ and get away from me now."

He tugged against my hands, exerting more effort when I matched his attempts evenly. I was careful not to push or squeeze too hard, only pinning him down firmly enough to prevent his escape. At the same time I ground my heat against his hardness in a slow deliberate circle. "What's wrong, Mr. Cullen?"

"It would appear," he said slowly, heat in his eyes, "That my wife has the upper hand at the moment."

"Indeed," I replied sweetly, rubbing slowly up and down his length, letting him feel exactly how hot and wet I was for him. "I wonder exactly how I can work this to my advantage?"

Edward's black eyes burned up at me. "I can think of several ways."

"I'm sure you could. But I have several ideas of my own." Another memory, of teasing Edward, of pleasure that faded into blackness from the intensity.

I angled my body forward so that just the tip of him met my heat, still keeping his hands pinned to the ground. He groaned at the contact and his hips bucked up, seeking a deeper entry. Immediately I positioned the tops of my feet on his thighs to hold him down, knees digging into the snow, wrists still in my hands. "No need to hurry, now."

He growled something incomprehensible, and I slowly began to inch my way down his length, enjoying every bit of him sliding into me. Our lovemaking since my change had been frantic in its intensity, almost as though we were trying to reassure ourselves into this new situation, but I wanted no rush this time. Edward had felt exquisite each and every time he'd entered me, but this time I shut my eyes and focused everything on the sensation of him slowly filling me, stretching me, pushing onward until we were both moaning from the burning pleasure that never peaked, but just kept building.

When I'd finally settled flush against his hips, I undulated slowly against him and he gasped in response. "Oh God, oh Bella…"

Keeping my hands firm around his wrists, I lifted them from the snow and pressed his palms against my breasts, whimpering as the familiar contact of his skin against mine was made. The hardening and differences within my body hadn't changed my reaction to him at all, and I arched into his hands as his fingers tightened around me. The leverage he gained there pushed me further down onto his length, and I cried out as an electric response jolted through me.

His hands were on my breasts and mine were on his forearms as I moved against him, first slowly, and then with a fierceness and speed that soon had me screaming my delight against the snow and the trees and the vast starry skies above us. The push and pull between us became hotter until his hands finally slipped down to my hips, yanking me against him with a force he never would have attempted while I was human, crying out my name as he found his release far deep inside of me.

***

Although I was inclined to stay there with him for the rest of the night, or day, or whatever counted for the passing time in Alaska, Edward finally insisted that we get up and dress again, maintaining that we had to continue on to whatever it was he had to show me. Although what it could be in the middle of the Alaskan wilderness was beyond me, I grudgingly pulling my black dress on again, taking his hand and letting him lead me.

We walked again for miles, finally coming to an incline which we easily ascended, to a sudden break in the trees surrounding us. I gasped in surprise, but he pulled me over to the center of the little snow-covered meadow, to where a small canvas knapsack sat.

"I will confess to having Alice's help with this part," he admitted, setting it to one side before sitting down and tugging me to sit between his legs. I leaned happily back against his chest and nuzzled my face into his neck.

"What are we here for?"

"Several things, love." His lips were moving gently over my earlobe, then down my neck to where it met my shoulder. "Do you trust me?"

"That's a silly question," I scoffed.

"You didn't answer me."

"Yes, Edward, I trust you with my life."

"Then close your eyes… and lean back against me."

I did so, and he slowly reclined until I felt that he was propped up on his elbows, his chest hard and firm under my upper body. I was cradled between his thighs and stretched my legs out between his, humming happily at the contact between us. There was a long silence and then he kissed the top of my head.

"Only a few days ago, if you can believe it, you and I were married. Only a few days before that, you asked me to make you immortal, to be by my side for all eternity. And only a few days before _that_, you gave yourself to me, body and soul, more completely than I ever could have hoped or dreamed for." He was quiet for a moment. "So many of our plans have been upended through no fault of our own, but the constant throughout it all is my love for you, and yours for me."

His left hand gently moved to where mine rested on his thigh. "I put these rings on your finger once, and fate forced us to remove them." His hand carefully moved under my own, slipping something over my finger. "Now I'm putting them on you once again, and I swear before God, nothing will ever make me remove them again. I'll make my vows to you again, Isabella Marie Cullen, you are my wife, and _nothing_ will separate us. Open your eyes, Bella."

I did, and the first thing that filled my sight were vibrant swaths of blue, green, and red, streaked across the night sky so close above that it seemed as though we were floating amongst them. I gasped involuntarily, and then looked down to see the soft lights reflecting in the engagement and wedding bands on my finger.

"People have long believed the aurora borealis to be a sign from God," Edward continued quickly. "And, although I married you once, and meant every word I said at that time, I wanted to renew that commitment to you where it's just you, I, and God to witness it."

"How…" I choked out finally. When the first thoughts of my missing rings had penetrated my new mind, I'd assumed they'd been lost in the accident.

"Rosalie found them in the truck," he replied quietly.

I sucked in a deep breath as emotion roared inside of me. The concussion of our two lives meeting, the former and the current, like two different timelines exploding against each other. It was almost my undoing. Edward held me close as I shook against him, murmuring his love into my ear, understanding as no one else could what emotions were wracking me at that moment. When I finally stilled against him, he smoothed my hair back from my face and kissed my forehead.

"Do you remember how I promised you that I'd get something else for the chain that Alice bought you? Well, I went out the next day and did just that, because of course, I knew that those rings would be off your neck around on your finger again."

He handed me a gold locket, draping the Cartier chain Alice had purchased over the back of my hand. I hesitated, but his kisses urged me on, and I carefully pressed the tiny release on the side to reveal two pictures: one of Renee and Phil; one of Charlie.

"I figured you didn't need a picture of me, since I'll be right there with you every single day," he whispered. "This is just when you want to carry a reminder of those in your heart, close to your heart." He pulled the delicate chain over my head and in the next moment I'd thrown my arms around his neck, my lips muffled against his skin.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you. I love you. I…"

"I love you too," he whispered, before silencing me with his lips against mine. After a short time, he pulled me back squarely against his chest and kissed the back of my head. "There's just one other thing I want to give back to you, here, tonight, although Rosalie stole my thunder a bit. I can't really fault her though…" He gently laid my journal on my lap. "I want you to read this tonight. Not aloud, but I want you to read it every single night until the memories are firm in your mind because I know better than anyone how important that was to you."

I sucked in a deep breath and opened the front cover, seeing the verse and declaration of love he'd inscribed there. My memories of my journal were both sharp and fuzzy… I clearly remembered receiving it, and its importance, but what I'd written in it wouldn't immediately come to mind. I was grateful that Edward had foreseen this, had known how important our memories were to me, and was dedicated to firmly implanting them in my memory.

Our two lifetimes: before and after. Before was in the book in my hand and the locket around my neck, after was in the rings on my finger and the arms holding me tight.

* * *

**A/N**: I apologize in advance for the long A/N, I'll try not to be overly wordy!

First off, voting for the Indie Twific Awards is now open! IDBiV is nominated in the "Canon or AU Story That Knocks You Off Your Feet" category, but there are a TON of awesome fics over there! You can vote for up to ten per category, so please do go check it out here: www(DOT)theindietwificawards(DOT)com (or just Google 'Indie Twific')

Second, you all know that I LOVE replying to reviews, but RL has kicked me squarely in the ass over the past couple of weeks, so I haven't been able to keep up. Please know that for every kind word you leave, all of you who told me you stayed up until the wee hours of the night/were late for work/read it in one sitting, YOUR WORDS mean more to me than I can ever express. Thank you for every single review you leave me, from the bottom of my heart!

Third, Edward's memories in this chapter of his own "dark time" were inspired by my dear friend Lolarosa's fic _Macabre_. It's gorgeously dark and starkly honest, I urge you to go check it out and leave her some love! www(DOT)fanfiction(DOT)net/s/5501651/1/

Fourth, did you catch the EPOV outtake of Chapter One? It's here: www(DOT)fanfiction(DOT)net/s/5640925/2/IDBiV_Outtakes_Oneshots

Fifth, thanks for the "If a tree falls in the woods" joke goes to LondonGoth! (She told it better than I did, though!)

And finally, mad props to those of you who correctly guessed why Edward is no longer able to read Bella's mind! A shout-out to TwiGleekGirl89, arden8283, SiriuslyWyckedDream, GrayMatters, Bluecanoe, Airekel, DodgerMcClure, maggiejoma, london spam, RosaBella75, PJ Austin, Bammers, Rebadams7, eclipse4ever, wandb, Edmet, and tahughes!!!!!!


	18. Chapter 18

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and its characters. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**All original characters, plots, and the storyline contained within this derivative work are the property of Lazykate. This story may not be reproduced or reposted without permission from the author.**

**Chapter Eighteen**

By the time Edward and I had left our small northern meadow and run back to the house, the faint light of Alaska's shorter day was already brightening the sky. We stopped just long enough for each of us to take down a deer, and again I wrinkled my nose against the smell even as I eagerly swallowed the blood. Carnivores _were_ much better.

When we were about a mile from the house, we heard the faint sound of someone singing, and exchanged puzzled glances. We ran quietly then, and within a matter of seconds were close enough to distinguish the voice and the words. Edward grinned and tugged at my hand to slow me, and then we silently crept up together through the forest, to where we could just catch a glimpse of the house through the thick trees.

There, chopping wood at vampire speed, was Emmett. He was wearing jeans, a dark sweater, and a bright red knit hat with a pompom on the top, while singing "I've Been Workin' on the Railroad" at top volume. His voice was surprisingly good, but it was one of the funniest things I'd ever seen.

Edward pulled me close, speaking almost silently against my ear. "He didn't hear us coming. Shall we try out those stealth-Bella skills now?"

I nodded silently, smiling back at him.

"This is going to be fun," he mouthed, squeezed my hand, and then loped away from me, towards the singing vampire-lumberjack. When he broke the tree line Emmett looked over his shoulder and called to him, not interrupting his work for a moment.

"Edward! Nice to see you make an appearance again!"

"Hello Emmett… nice hat."

"Rosie found it for me," he replied cheerfully. "Where's Bella?"

"She went straight back to our cottage. She wanted to get… cleaned up."

I took that as my cue and crept forward slowly as Emmett burst into uproarious laughter. "Cleaning up, huh? What the hell were you two doing last night, gardening? Or wait, lemme guess, mud wrestling?"

"She took down an adult moose as her first kill," Edward replied calmly.

"Really?" Emmett sounded impressed. "But no bears?"

"Not for her, no."

"Then let me guess… wild crazy sex under the stars, right?" He rattled off a few more crude jokes as I emerged from the trees behind him, holding my breath and placing my feet ever-so-carefully in the snow to avoid any noise that would give me away.

"You're just jealous, Emmett. You probably miss newborn sex."

"I do," he admitted, and I grinned in spite of myself. "Man, when I woke up for the first time and saw Rosie above me…"

Edward rolled his eyes. "We've all heard this story a hundred times before. So when are you going to let my newborn wife kick your ass?"

Emmett huffed indignantly and sank his axe into the next length of wood. "Tell her to bring it on anytime. I don't care how strong she is, I can take her."

"A newborn? A little overconfident, don't you think?"

I was approximately thirty feet away from them now, and the instincts of the hunt were coursing through me again. I instinctively knew what to do to keep my prey from sensing my presence: stalking; waiting; plotting; anticipating. Every step I took was careful and deliberate, and I slowly began to sink down into a half-crouch, preparing to leap.

Emmett guffawed. "Bella weighed what, a buck-ten, buck-twenty, soaking wet? Newborn or no, she's toast."

My lips pulled back over my teeth at the challenge, the hot thrill of the hunt now taking over my mind completely. In my heightened peripheral vision I saw Alice and Jasper flit to a window, watching. A moment later, they were joined by Carlisle, Esme, and Rosalie. Emmett was completely oblivious and Edward smiled innocently at him.

"You'd better hope she doesn't hear you say that… she'll take it as a challenge."

"You'd better hope I don't break your wife in half," Emmett retorted. "I'd hate to listen to you whine about that for the next century or so."

I was twenty feet away now, more than close enough. In one lithe movement I sank down almost to the ground and then immediately straightened my legs with a snap, launching myself through the air like a spring, landing squarely on Emmett's broad back.

He let out an ear-splitting yell and reacted immediately. The axe went flying through the air as he threw his arms wide and leapt into the air like a surprised cat, taking me with him. Edward quickly moved out of the way as Emmett staggered around, swiping one enormous hand back at me, lumbering like a grouchy bear awakened too early from hibernation.

"Toast, huh?" I hissed into his ear, and in that moment he knew who had him and let loose an impressive string of profanity. I clung to him like a burr as he reached back again and tried to pry me loose, my arms constricting around his neck with every move he made.

"Goddammit that was not fair!" he yelled, and began tugging at the legs I'd locked around him. "Edward, get her off me!"

Edward smirked at him. "I thought you were going to break her in half? Go ahead and try. I think you'll find you bit off more than you can chew this time."

Emmett growled furiously, and suddenly gave up trying to pry me loose. Before I knew what he was doing, he jumped straight into the air again, twisting so that he landed hard on his back, pinning me between the frozen ground and the massive bulk above me. Newborn strength or no, I was stunned long enough for him to squirm loose and bound a few dozen feet away. I was on my feet a half-second later.

He was breathing heavily and scowling at me. "That was _cheating_, Bella. I was going to go easy on you, but if you want to play dirty, I will too!"

"Bring it on, muscle-man," I taunted him. I faintly heard the sound of laughter from the house.

Emmett growled again and charged head-on at me. Instead of ducking away as I think he expected, I met him head-on. It was an extremely strange sensation to feel power surge up from within me in response to our grappling, being able to wrench around Emmett's tree-trunk arms as though they were nothing, seeing him strain to move my body and yet not gaining an inch. For as fast as we were both moving, I observed everything with perfect clarity, saw his muscles bunch in and eyes twitch as I anticipated his next move, ducked and twisted away even as I sought to gain the upper hand. I was quicker and stronger, but he had size and experience on his side, and for a time we were evenly matched.

We wrestled for what seemed like hours, until Emmett's growing frustration made him careless and I slipped behind him in one lightning-fast move, knocking his feet out from under him and then pinning him to the ground. He howled and squirmed frantically, trying to get away, but I held my hands hard against his shoulders, mashing his face into the snow. Applause and laughter broke out from the other Cullens, who had by that time come outside to watch the show.

"I'd say you lose, Em," Jasper drawled.

"Agreed," Edward said immediately, sounding slightly anxious. "As much as I'm enjoying your humiliation, admit she beat you."

"For now," Emmett muttered querulously.

"What was that?" I asked sweetly, kneeing him in the back. "I couldn't quite hear you, with your face in the snow and all."

"Fine, you win this round," he snarled, and I immediately sprang up off him and ran to Edward's side. Emmett quickly hopped up as well and gave me a dirty look as Edward wrapped his arms around me.

"That was _not_ fair, Bella, sneaking up on me. We'll see how things even out when you get up the nerve to take me head-on."

"That doesn't say much for you, that I was able to sneak up on you so easily," I taunted him.

His scowl was replaced by a brief look of confusion. "Yeah… that was weird. I didn't hear you coming or anything."

"Stealth-Bella," Edward laughed, pulling me tight against him.

"Whatever. Winner gets to stack the firewood, I'm outta here." He snatched up his red hat from where it had been lost in the snow early in our tussle and tugged it on, looking absurdly like a sulking child despite his size. "I've gotta go hunt and get my strength back up for round two. Rose, you coming with me?"

Rosalie broke away from the rest of the Cullens, an inscrutable expression on her lovely face. She took Emmett's hand and then gave me a small smile. "Nice job, Bella."

"Babe!" Emmett protested.

She shook her head and then ran lightly towards the woods, Emmett in hot pursuit. Edward chuckled again and kissed my forehead. "For the record, I vote no more wrestling with Emmett unless you're properly dressed for it. I enjoyed watching you take him down a peg or two, but wrestling my brother in a dress…"

"You put me up to it," I replied playfully.

"I wasn't thinking clearly, obviously." He ran his hand slowly down my side and his voice dropped to a husky whisper. "Anything under this dress is for my eyes only. It's a good thing he didn't rip it or I _would_ have stepped in… ripping your dress is _my_ job."

I shivered under his touch, feeling that ever-present desire immediately rise to the surface, but Alice's cheerful voice snapped us out of our reverie. "We're all still standing _right here_, you two."

"So go away," was Edward's automatic response, but I giggled and pulled slightly away from him. Alice smiled innocently at me.

"Did you enjoy the northern lights, Bella?"

"Very much," I assured her, although I hadn't paid much attention to them after Edward and I found more interesting activities to distract ourselves with. Sex with Edward in the snow was becoming one of my very favorite things in the world.

"Glad to hear it. Eleazar went back home, but wanted us to pass along that he hopes that you two will visit them soon. And I've been waiting for you to get back because Bella's new wardrobe has arrived, and I want to see what you think of it."

"It's here already?" I asked, surprised. Evidently Edward and I had spent more time out in the woods than I'd realized.

Alice grinned and grabbed my hand, pulling me along with Edward trailing behind us. "Of course, express shipping, remember? We may be in the woods of Alaska, but they'll deliver anywhere for the right price."

"And here I thought I'd gotten away from your shopping mania," I teased as we entered the house. Carlisle, Esme, and Jasper had all disappeared.

"Until I can take you into town, we'll have to make do with online shopping," she said sadly. "But it's doable. Just not as much fun."

"We have internet access out here?"

Alice giggled as we climbed the stairs, heading back to Edward's old room. "Of course. We may be somewhat off the grid out here, but we're not off the _map_. I know Emmett and I would die of boredom if we didn't have the internet, and Carlisle likes to keep up with what's going on in the world too."

"Well, that's good to…" The words died on my lips as Alice opened the bedroom door with a flourish to reveal stacks and stacks of boxes piled throughout the room. My jaw dropped open and Edward groaned behind me.

"Alice, uh, in case you didn't notice, Edward and I live in a cottage. What's in those boxes won't fit in our _house_, let alone my closet."

"Oh, I know," she replied sweetly, examining the labels on the closest boxes. "I figured we could renovate this room into a walk-in closet. You could keep some stuff down there, but the majority of it could stay here."

I looked at Edward and shook my head. "She's already ordered whatever she needs to turn this room into one giant closet, hasn't she?"

"Yes, she has."

Alice shrugged, completely unashamed. "I knew you wouldn't mind."

"No, I don't mind… just don't ask me for any organizational help. Why in the world do I need so many clothes, if I'm not going out in public for a long time anyway?"

She cast a pointed look at my black dress, which was a mess after hunting and then the tussle with Emmett. "Do you want to wear _that_ for the next decade?"

"Just let her have her way," Edward murmured in my ear. "You'll get used to it. I don't remember the last time I was _allowed_ to purchase clothes for myself before I moved in with you."

"I _enjoy_ this," Alice emphasized, tearing into a box. "And neither of _you_ do. Besides, I bought you some really cute stuff. Edward, you'll approve."

"I'm sure," he replied absently, running his hand up and down my back.

"I'll get together a few outfits for you to get you through the next few days. Why don't you go get cleaned up now and I'll lay out…"

She paused and her face went blank for a moment, then she scowled. "Wow, this is going to get _really_ annoying."

"What?" I queried, trying to peek into the box she had opened.

"You just vanished from _my _immediate future, but I don't know…"

"Carlisle," Edward supplied, and Alice's eyes went far away again for a moment.

"Oh. Well, in that case…"

"Can you both please remember that I don't specialize in silent communication?" I asked somewhat petulantly, and Edward immediately hugged me tight.

"I'm sorry, love. Carlisle wants to speak with you when you have a moment."

"About what?"

He hesitated a moment. "I'd rather let him explain."

"Can I shower and change first?"

"Of course. This room has an attached bathroom."

"Will you come shower with me?" I asked, slipping my arms around his neck. He smiled before kissing me.

"Absolutely."

"I'm _still here_, you guys!" Alice's disembodied voice floated up from behind more boxes.

"Maybe this would be a good time for you to scram, then?" Edward growled at her, before placing a more urgent kiss on my lips. I pressed up closer to his body as his hands slid from my waist down over my hips, and I couldn't help but wiggle against him.

"Tease," he muttered, before nipping my lower lip.

"Will you two just go get in the shower already? I'll lay a change of clothes out for you here and _scram_ before I get an eyeful of something I don't need."

Edward groaned and tugged me towards the bathroom, but not before giving a swift kick to one of the stacks of boxes, sending them all toppling to the floor with a heavy crash. He slammed the bathroom door shut behind us, cutting off Alice's shriek of fury. "That'll get rid of her," he said with no small amount of satisfaction, pulling me hard against his body again.

"Edward," I whimpered, my hands moving over his body even as I tried to stiffen my resolve. "We can't…if Carlisle is waiting…"

"I can't get enough of you, Bella," he whispered against my neck. "I want you so much, all the time. I don't want to share you. You have no idea what it did to me outside just now; seeing how strong and perfect and unbreakable you are. All the things I wanted to do to you when you were human, all the things I _couldn't_ do, I can do now. Don't you like the idea of me losing control with you?"

I moaned in delight as he nibbled along my collarbone. "Let's talk to Carlisle and then… go back home… ohhhh…"

He gave my shoulder a quick sharp bite that made me gasp. "Carlisle can wait while I make love to you." His hands were hot and moving hard over the curves of my body, leaving my nerves tingling furiously in their wake. He licked at the spot he'd just bitten, then fastened his mouth over it and sucked hard. The scrape of his teeth over my skin made me moan again, louder this time.

"But Carlisle…"

He growled impatiently and stepped back, then ripped my dirty black dress away from my body in the blink of an eye. In the next second he reached down and grabbed my hips, roughly lifting and pulling me up against him. I automatically wrapped my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck, my mouth crashing against his as he carried me over to the walk-in shower. He flicked the hot water on without breaking our kiss, and then pressed me against the tile wall, taking me hard and fast as the water ran down over our naked bodies.

Alice had thankfully vacated the bedroom by the time we emerged, leaving behind a change of clothes for both of us. Jeans and a t-shirt for him, a soft clinging jersey dress for me. I hadn't worn pants since I'd woken up a vampire.

"I guess it's a good thing I can't feel the cold," I said thoughtfully. "This isn't what I imagined Alaska-appropriate attire to be."

"She knows I love seeing you in a dress," Edward said slowly, watching me as the thin material slithered down over my body and settled against my curves.

"Oh? And why is that?"

He stepped closer and placed his hand flat on my leg before running it up along the sensitive skin of my inner thigh, under the material. "Easy access."

My body flared in response to his words, but I took a step back. "I'll never talk to Carlisle if you keep this up."

He smiled innocently at me. "I don't know what you're talking about. Just because we can't keep our hands off each other…"

"That's exactly what I mean." I sucked in a deep breath. "I want you all the time."

"It's perfectly normal." He reached out and took my hand. "Rosalie and Emmett were so obnoxious about it that finally even Carlisle and Esme had enough and threw them out until they'd calmed down."

"How long does that take?" I queried, forcing my mind away from the tingle where my skin touched his, the throbbing in my chest that I was hyperaware of now.

"Years," Edward whispered, before gently kissing my lips. "We have _years_, decades even, to enjoy this, to explore the bond between us. During that time, we've got something of a free pass to drop everything and get lost in each other whenever we want."

I stood blinking at him. "Years?"

"I told you vampires are very lusty creatures. I also told you that I intend to spend days making love to you… so if you'd like to get started on that…"

"I need to go talk to Carlisle _now_, before you change my mind," I said quickly. Edward grinned and squeezed my hand.

"Let's go, then."

We found Carlisle busily shelving stack after stack of books in his office, working around uncrated paintings in heavy frames that leaned up against the walls. The last time I'd been in the room, before Edward and I left to hunt, the room had been empty but for the furniture, and I was impressed at what he'd already accomplished. Carlisle smiled when he saw us, waving apologetically at the stacks around us.

"One of the joys of moving, I'm afraid."

"Would you like some help?" I offered.

"No, thank you though, Bella. It should only take me a few more hours to have everything exactly where it needs to be." He ran his hand through his blond hair, an uncharacteristic gesture for him. "Do you have a moment?"

"Of course."

He sighed softly, casting another glance around at the piles surrounding us. "When we ended up leaving Forks sooner than planned, I enlisted the aid of an attorney that handles many of our family matters for us. I informed him that I'd been called away by a family emergency, told him that you were a dear friend of the family, and asked him to keep an eye out for anything odd that might arise in the investigation surrounding your death."

I nodded slowly, sensing that something must have indeed happened for him to be bringing this up now.

"As I mentioned to you before, your death was ruled an accident and it was accepted that your remains had been destroyed by an animal prior to the discovery of the scene. The Quileutes organized a memorial service which was held today. Your mother flew in to attend it."

I blinked in surprise, hazy memories of Renee swimming through my brain. "She did?"

"Yes and it seems that so far, she's been accepted as your next-of-kin, legally speaking."

It took me a minute to realize what he meant, but then my eyes widened as Edward tensed next to me. "Because they don't know…"

"Your marriage is a matter of public record, but it seems no one has discovered it yet," Carlisle confirmed quietly. "As your acknowledged next-of-kin, she will be responsible over the next few days for cleaning out your apartment and settling your affairs. Billy and Jake will be helping her."

"Okay," I said slowly, saddened by the news but not understanding why he was choosing to share it with me now.

Carlisle's golden eyes flickered over to Edward before settling on me again. "Is there anything in the apartment that could connect you to us?"

My jaw dropped as I finally realized what he was trying to say, but memories of my apartment, let alone the personal effects I'd left behind, were hazy at best. I looked at Edward quickly, frustrated at my inability to remember something as important as that.

"I don't think there is," Edward said slowly. "The marriage certificate…"

"Is filed with all our other documents. Is there anything else?"

They both looked at me and I swallowed hard, trying desperately to remember. The marriage certificate was a good starting point. "I… I think that I filed for a change of name for my driver's license and Social Security card."

Carlisle's face darkened a little. "Those will come in the mail to your apartment within a week or so. I'll contact Jenks and see if there's any way to intercept those, but it may not be possible. Anything else?"

I pushed my hand against my forehead, trying desperately to remember. "I don't think so… I have my journal here."

"Were there any other identifying documents that you can remember?"

"Her AmEx card," Edward said suddenly. "It had her maiden name on it, but the very fact that she had one…"

I laughed a little. "Renee wouldn't recognize anything like that, believe me."

Carlisle and Edward were both silent for a moment, and I frowned. "Is there something wrong?"

"No, love," Edward answered quickly. "We simply want to make sure there are no loose ends that would cause anyone to look any further than the tragic accident your death appeared to be. I can't think of anything else at this moment, though."

Carlisle looked at him for a long moment, and then Edward suddenly growled before speaking in a harsh tone I only vaguely remembered hearing before. "Any wolves that show up here won't leave in one piece, Carlisle, you know that."

"Although it would be better to prevent anything like that from happening…" Carlisle began, only to be interrupted by Edward.

"Of course, but I won't permit any of them to come near her."

"We won't allow it to come to that," Carlisle replied calmly. "I just want to make sure there are no other outliers that we've failed to consider."

"What are you talking about?" I finally interjected, my frustration bubbling over. "Why would we have to worry about them showing up here?"

"We won't," Edward said immediately. "Our history with the Quileutes is not a friendly one, love. We want them to have no reason to come looking for you, to make sure we didn't abduct you and fake your death."

"But surely they wouldn't…" My voice trailed off when I saw the same look reflected on both men's faces. Carlisle ran his hand through his blond hair again, suddenly looking as upset as I felt.

"We don't know, Bella, and that is the problem. Obviously, we would hope that the Quileutes accept the official explanation of your death and have no reason to investigate further. But as Edward said, our history with them is not a friendly one, and any confrontation with them over your change will not end well."

"They can't find us," I said quickly. "There's nothing to tie my life there to where we are now… even if they suspect anything. We just won't go back to Forks."

Carlisle nodded slowly and then Edward's arms were suddenly around my waist, pulling me back close against his body. There was a slight tremor in his body, and I placed my hands over his forearms, trying to reassure him. "Carlisle, what do you need me to do?"

His face relaxed slightly. "If for any reason we find out that they may be looking for you, or Edward, you both should leave as quickly as possible, for your own safety. The rest of us would remain here to maintain the appearance of normalcy."

"The house in France," Edward said immediately. "It's isolated enough…"

Carlisle nodded. "This is the worst-case scenario, of course, but we should have it in the backs of our minds should the situation become urgent."

"How will I get to France, if I can't even go out in public?"

"We'll start working on building up your tolerance soon, love. One step at a time."

We left Carlisle's office soon after that, both of us silent and wrapped up in our own thoughts. We walked down the drive, back to our little cottage, where Edward settled into the oversized loveseat in front of the fireplace and held out his arms to me. I went into them willingly, snuggling against his body and gazing into the low-burning fire for a long time.

"What aren't you telling me?" I asked finally.

Edward stroked my hair silently for a moment. "I don't want you to worry."

"Whatever it is, Carlisle knows?"

"Yes."

"Then you have to tell me," I said, reaching up to wrap my hand around the back of his neck before curling in closer to him.

He sighed softly. "The night of your accident, do you remember what Carlisle and I were doing?"

My brow creased slightly. He disliked talking about that night, and so it was one topic we had carefully avoided. "Something about the Quileutes wanting to renegotiate the treaty?"

"Yes. For the most part, it was a complete waste of time as what they wanted was impossible, and Carlisle pointed that out to them. He'd called me earlier in the day and asked me to accompany him, because obviously being able to read their minds in that situation gave us a slight advantage. Carlisle did all the talking while I concentrated on their thoughts. Almost all of them were saying exactly what they were thinking."

"Almost?"

"Yes, almost. Billy Black was very concerned about you. More than he let on aloud. He thought of you as another daughter; you were very dear to him. And although they were concerned about _all_ of the humans in Forks and La Push, you were foremost in his thoughts."

"Because he knew I was already friends with the family."

"Yes. He worried the entire time, even as negotiations were going on. He was quite plain in his thoughts that…" Edward hesitated and I waited patiently. "That if anything should happen to you at our hands, he and his family would seek vengeance upon the one responsible, no matter what it took. He considered you as much his child as Jacob."

I absorbed that. "But they have no evidence that any of you were involved in the accident at all."

"I hope not. You have to understand though, Bella, if they _do_ decide that your disappearance was our fault, they won't stop until they find us and avenge your death. And you are dead to them now."

"But we're thousands of miles away!" I protested.

Edward kissed the top of my head. "I know, but Carlisle thinks that perhaps we didn't go far enough. We have no idea what the wolves' range might be in that form. Or, if they were looking for us specifically, what lengths they might go to. That's why I suggested the house in France… it's a bit further away from Forks than Alaska. If it became absolutely necessary we could go stay with the Volturi in Italy for a little while. The wolves wouldn't be able to get anywhere near us then."

I frowned as something else occurred to me. "Edward, why do we have to be worried about them finding us anyway? Aren't we… indestructible?"

"Not completely indestructible. The only way to 'kill' a vampire is to tear it apart and burn the pieces. Obviously it takes a great deal of strength to be able to tear a vampire apart… there are only two creatures that will ever pose a threat to us: other vampires and werewolves."

"Why?"

"Werewolves are the closest thing to our natural enemies. Although the Quileutes aren't true werewolves, they do have the ability to destroy one of our kind."

I shivered. "Have you seen them do that?"

"Not first-hand, but I know they did kill at least one nomad when we were in that area before. They told Carlisle about it after it happened, probably as a thinly-disguised warning to us. The treaty is the only thing that has kept peace between us so far."

"One of the wolves could… kill you?"

"No," he replied immediately. "One-on-one, we have the distinct advantage. More than a couple of them against one of us, though, could be a concern if they caught us unprepared."

I was horrified, finally understanding Carlisle and Edward's concern over the wolves finding us. "You think they would try to kill us?"

"This is exactly what I didn't want you to worry about," he scolded lightly.

"Don't make light of this, Edward."

He rubbed his cheek against my head. "I'm sorry love, you're right. Yes, we do need to be aware of the possibility and be prepared in the unlikely event that a confrontation ever ensues. They won't want to hurt _you_, though."

"They'll hurt me if they hurt any of you. I'll kill anyone who tries to hurt you." An instinct I hadn't felt before stirred deep inside of me… a fierce anger, a feeling of protectiveness.

"I won't let it come to that, ever," he replied firmly. We fell silent again for a time as his hands ran soothingly over my body, trying to calm the emotions that were rocketing around inside of me.

"Do you really think any of that will happen?" I asked finally.

"If we had any reason to believe that they were looking for us, we would already be gone, even if you had to hold your breath the whole way to the ocean and then swim to Europe. No, right now Carlisle and I don't believe there is any danger. But you have to understand…" He sighed softly. "Our departure from Forks, specifically mine and Carlisle's, coincided exactly with your accident, and was immediately after our meeting with the Quileutes. Carlisle wasn't supposed to be done at the hospital for another week, although he contacted the board of directors and indicated that there was a family emergency that required his presence. The night that we were driving here, as you were changing, Jasper was already arranging with a moving service to bring the last of the things from our house in Forks. It was all done with great haste, when we'd hoped to allay any suspicion with careful planning. Carlisle is simply concerned that there's something we've overlooked."

"I can't think of anything," I murmured, wracking my brain, sifting through foggy memories.

"It's wise for us to be over-cautious, though, which is why Carlisle is having someone keep an eye on things in Forks and La Push. If anything seems suspicious, we'll have plenty of time to leave here."

"So what do we do?"

"For now, nothing. Alice will keep watch on the future, I will keep watch on you. Hopefully we'll be extremely over-prepared for no reason. And in the meantime, I am going to continue to make love to you at every opportunity."

After that discussion, the topic of the Quileutes wasn't brought up again, and the days and long nights of Alaska began to pass rapidly as I truly turned my eyes towards my new life. My memories of my human life were like murky dreams; there were a few things I remembered clearly, but everything else was blurry at best, oftentimes I had no memory of something until Edward prompted me.

I read my journal religiously, over and over again. My powerful vampire brain memorized the text after the first reading, of course, but I read it repeatedly, hoping for the moment when the words on the pages became part of _me_ instead of a history I'd written only a few short weeks before. Some of the moments I recognized keenly, and they would strike a chord deep inside of me, provoking a longing that was almost painful.

After I found a note in the margin of one of the pages, Edward and I dug out a long-sealed box of home movies that Renee had evidently sent Charlie, and we watched them all in one long evening. We laughed at the childhood version of me, and more than once, I reached out to touch the screen, wishing I could touch the people surrounding me in those videos. Despite the fact that I'd spent more of my life with Renee, it was easier for me to recall Charlie's wry smile, his rare laughter, and the love I knew we'd shared.

Sometimes a memory would hit me hard from nowhere, as clearly as though it were just yesterday, and I would gasp with the sensation, trying desperately to burn it into my mind so I would never forget it again. It was mostly recent memories: the first time Edward and I made love; our wedding; stolen kisses at the most random of moments; laughter; happiness. My memories of my change, starting from the moment when Edward bit me, were also unfortunately clear, and I sought to bury them under all the new experiences I had to ponder now.

Waking up an entirely new creature was a strange thing to wrap my brain around, especially since my memories of being human were fuzzy at best. The limitations and weaknesses from that time were not something I could recall with any kind of clarity, so when I kept discovering the abilities of my new body, I often reacted with the wide-eyed amazement of a child. It was astonishing that I could jump and run and think so _powerfully_, but not because of the contrast to my weaker human self… I genuinely didn't remember that life in enough detail to compare. Instead, I felt overwhelming joy and excitement every time I did something new; as though I'd discovered a part of myself that I'd had no idea existed.

A week after our arrival in Alaska, Edward and I went on a long hunting trip, running farther than we had before. When we came back, he pulled me close against his body, saying that he had a surprise for me, but that I shouldn't be alarmed at my reaction. The surprise was the piano he'd promised me, my reaction was to the faint scent of the humans who had delivered and tuned it, still sweet in the air. In the quiet of our cottage Edward held me close as I whimpered and trembled against him, savoring the scent of each fingerprint they'd left behind, the mindless seduction and promise of all that was _human_ to me now. For a long time he held me, whispering quietly in my ear, until my struggles stopped and then I sat wide-eyed as he played for me.

Three weeks after our arrival an enormous snowstorm hit the area, and although either of us could have easily tunneled our way through the massive snowdrifts that buried our little cottage, we instead took full advantage of the isolation. Edward and I made love for hours that stretched into several days, never tiring of the tangle of lips, fingers, and skin, kisses that locked us together as we slowly drifted down from climax after climax, only to come back together with new urgency. My need for him never diminished, never found satiation. His eyes or hands on my body was more than enough to turn me from whatever I was doing, to make me fall against him greedily, both of us seeking something we never could get enough of.

So many caresses, whispered promises, and plans were made during that first month. So many moments that I could close my eyes and see in perfect detail at any moment: Edward and I hunting; laughing in the snow; making love against the piano, twisted together in front of the fireplace.

My moments with the rest of my family were equally joyful. I treasured the time I spent with Jasper and Carlisle because of the love they had for learning, and through me, they were able to experience much for the first time all over again. Carlisle's library, along with Jasper's smaller one, was a treasure chest of the unknown, and I eagerly devoured book after book. Carlisle promised to help me arrange online classes with the university of my choice once things settled down in the coming months.

Alice was my never-tiring source of energy, whether it be for an online shopping spree, a last-minute celebration, as the giggling girlfriend I confided in, or simply a source of unconditional enthusiasm and excitement in the small world that surrounded me. She was the sister I'd never had, the never-failing voice of optimism.

Emmett brought me joy just as he did all of us: a dark cloud never touched his face and his enthusiasm for life was rivaled only by Alice's. There wasn't a bet or challenge he'd turn down, an opportunity he'd pass for teasing or cajoling. His boisterous exuberance was like that of a small child, tempered only by his deep love for and protectiveness of his family. For the first time, I understood why he and Rosalie matched each other so well.

Rosalie became the other sister I'd never had, one who I communicated with more in easy silences than the endless chattering I shared with Alice. After she'd painstakingly set up and arranged her workspace in the attached garage of our Alaska home, I reclaimed my wooden crate and we spent many calm hours there, rarely speaking, simply allowing our comfortable silence to say more than words ever could. It reminded me of times I'd spent in the past with a boy I'd happily called my best friend, my brother.

Esme moved immediately into my life as a quiet unconditionally-loving presence, one that eased the ache when I longed for my own parents. I realized now how Esme's unassuming presence was truly the peaceful center around which we revolved: there was so much love within Esme, it overflowed from her heart and encompassed us all. There was never any need for explanations or excuses around her, she simply loved us as though it were her only reason for being.

Always, though, there was Edward. If I read every dictionary in every language ever spoken, there would never be enough words to explain exactly what I felt for him. It went beyond love, beyond romance, beyond desire. Alice's words from so long ago were equally as weak as they were painfully true: he was the other half of my being, simply _there_ in my every thought, action, and emotion. There was no reason or consideration involved, he was simply a part of every move I made and every breath I took. It was a connection that, even as I took it for granted, still left me speechless with its intensity. Our day-to-day activities rarely took us more than a few steps from each other, and the connection when we made love wrenched me sweetly to the deepest parts of my soul. The world around us could have melted away for all I cared, as long as Edward was there whispering in my ear, holding me in his arms.

It was barely a month after our arrival when Edward and I found ourselves in the large living room of the main house, relaxing with our family around us. I'd put _Swan Lake_ into the stereo system and sank easily into Edward's open arms on the couch as the others trickled in around us, enjoying the music.

"Did I ever tell you that I used to take ballet lessons?"

"No, I don't think you did."

"I was _awful_," I laughed, pleased at discovering this small memory. "For whatever reason, I genuinely didn't understand why I was supposed to go from Point A to Point B. When the recital arrived I just stood there, wondering where my masking tape marker had gone."

"You're probably a much better dancer now, you know," Edward said, placing a gentle kiss to my temple.

I shook my head. "I can pretty much guarantee becoming a better dancer is _not_ something that happened during my change. I really was that bad."

"You didn't have the right partner before," he countered.

"Can you dance?" I asked curiously.

"Of course. Even if I hadn't grown up during a time when knowing how to dance was mandatory, dancing classes were standard in many of the schools we've attended through the years."

He tugged me to my feet and wrapped his arm around my waist, taking my right hand and lifting it, then smiling down at me. The _Valse_ began playing.

"Edward… I don't know how to waltz!"

"I'll teach you, just let me lead."

I tried my best, but after a moment I gave a little hop, my toes landing on the tops of his feet. He held me closer, and I allowed him to carry me through the steps of the dance, moving faster now.

"Cheater," he murmured, his steps not faltering for a single second.

"I'm enjoying this much more now that I don't have to concentrate on where to put my feet. I may like dancing after all."

"But I'm doing all the work," he pointed out dryly.

"Well, now you can show off all your fancy-pants dance moves."

"Hmm," he mused, and began to swirl around the room, still carrying me with his arm around my waist and my toes resting on his feet. From the corner of my eye I could see Carlisle and Esme nestled on the couch together, smiling at us. Edward kept waltzing with a grace that made me breathless, occasionally throwing in a spin or dip when the music grew to a crescendo.

"See, you're dancing!" His beautiful smile lit me up from the inside.

"_You're_ dancing!" I laughed back. "I'm just holding on!"

"I think I very much enjoy our style of dance, Mrs. Cullen." He ran his hand up and down my back, still not missing a beat. "I can hold you as tightly as I want, can kiss you whenever I want, whisper inappropriate things in your ear, and then claim that we're simply waltzing."

"That settles it, I officially love dancing now," I gasped out as he spun us around so fast that my hair flew up and then tangled around my face and throat.

"Hey, break it up!" Emmett bawled from across the room. "I need to see daylight between you two! Watch where you put those hands, Cullen!"

I tossed a brief scowl in his direction as Edward chuckled softly and pulled me closer to his body, tucking my head under his chin, still dancing as the music kept playing around us.

* * *

A/N:

Edward and Carlisle are forgetting something, methinks. What do you think?

You can find a lovely performance of the _Valse_ here: www(DOT)youtube(DOT)com/watch?v=ph3h2IJAsgk It's my favorite part of _Swan Lake_!

Thanks to all you lovelies, IDBiV has moved to the last round of the Indies! Voting opens on the 15th, make sure you go give everyone some love! Google "Indie Twific" for a quick and easy linky!

Again, so MANY thanks to the super-beta Stratan and all the gals who love and encourage me no matter what...you keep me writing!


	19. Chapter 19

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and its characters. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**All original characters, plots, and the storyline contained within this derivative work are the property of Lazykate. This story may not be reproduced or reposted without permission from the author.**

**Chapter Nineteen**

And then suddenly, it was Christmas.

Edward and I had been so wrapped up in each other that the holiday probably would have passed without either of us noticing if not for the fact that Alice and Esme had turned out the house in beautiful traditional decorations, including an enormous live tree that brought the delicious scent of the forest indoors.

Alice assured me that they didn't normally exchange gifts, as a houseful of immortal beings with endless financial resources would accumulate stacks of material items more quickly than we could find houses to hold them all. I felt guilty, though, and made Edward promise that he wouldn't get me a gift since I didn't have the first clue about what to get him. He laughed and told me that my immortality was the greatest gift I could have ever given him, and then became somewhat petulant when I kept insisting that it wasn't fair for him to give me anything. He finally told me that he did have a gift, but that it was actually for _both_ of us, and I finally acquiesced.

Since we were in Alaska for my first Christmas, plans were made to spend a few days with the Denali clan. We hadn't gone to visit them yet as I was still acclimating to my new life, and I was more than slightly anxious about venturing out away from the property and surrounding forest. Although I was always careful to hunt at least every other day, I still worried about what might happen if I caught a human scent. Just thinking about the lingering trace of those who had delivered and tuned Edward's piano made my throat burn more intensely for something I'd never had. The fact that Alice wasn't able to see my future, thus preventing them from being able to find me if I was overcome and ran away, made me even more nervous.

"You'll need to start going out at some point, love," Edward reassured me the morning of our departure. "No one has ever heard of an agoraphobic vampire."

"But this is just so soon!" I protested. "Let everyone else go, and you and I can stay here…"

He squeezed my hand. "Nothing is going to happen. Alice sees us all getting there just fine."

I shook my head, not satisfied. He, Carlisle, and Jasper had quietly debated for over an hour exactly _how_ we would get to our destination, which was over two hundred miles to the northwest. Jasper had been in favor of driving as long as the roads were clear, feeling that I could be better monitored and restrained if necessary in the confines of a vehicle, surrounded by my family. Edward had disagreed, feeling that we would be better off in the open air, with much less chance of running across any wayward humans as we cut through the national park. Carlisle's concern had been the possibility that I would outrun all of them if I was overcome by bloodlust, regardless of the mode of transportation.

I honestly didn't care how we went; I'd resolved to hold my breath the entire way.

In the end, it was decided that we would run, with the family spread out in a wide circle around Edward and I, on the alert for any faint human scent. Although Carlisle assured me that hikers and other adventurers were rare in the area during this time of year, I was still nervous. Which was why I was pleading with Edward now.

"I thought that we would work up to me going out, not do it all at once."

"We have been," he replied patiently. "We've gone further on our more recent hunts, and to new areas. And it isn't as though we'll be running directly through a campground or along a road, love. It's extremely unlikely we'll come within miles of a human."

"How many miles are we from the nearest town now?" I asked curiously.

"About twenty, through the forest. Longer by the road, of course…"

"_What_?" I shrieked, cutting off the rest of his words. "I had no idea we were so close! Why didn't you tell me?"

"Bella, you really do not give yourself enough credit," Edward replied, amused. "You aren't a mindless zombie or a rabid dog. You know there are people out there _somewhere_, and yet consciously you have no desire to hurt them. We're three miles off the main highway here and we've always been very careful to hunt with you in the opposite direction. Now please stop underestimating yourself."

I scowled at him. "All I heard about newborns was that they are motivated by bloodlust. Can you blame me for being concerned?"

"No, of course we're concerned too, but you have to believe me when I tell you that you are exceptionally controlled for a newborn. You are remarkably calm and settled. Even Carlisle thinks so. He also thinks that perhaps it is because you knew what to expect and had time to mentally prepare for it. Imagine if you'd woken up all alone and hungry, with no understanding of what happened to you. How would you have reacted?"

"I would have been terrified."

"Exactly. And in your terror, you would have probably gone into a feeding frenzy on the first creature that crossed your path, then been horrified by your actions even as you sought out something else to kill."

"You all dealt with it, though."

"Yes, to varying degrees, but again, none of us _chose_ this life in advance, and none of us were mated beforehand either. Carlisle attributes much of your control to your connection with me."

My brain immediately snapped to the passage I'd written in my journal about Cesare and Annata. I hadn't shared it with Edward as I didn't want him to feel that he alone were responsible for containing me if I ever were to lose control, but remembering that did bring me a small measure of comfort.

"You promise you'll tackle me if…"

"Yes, although Emmett may beat me to it." We both laughed, Emmett had been vehement about his desire for a rematch ever since I'd bested him weeks ago. "Everyone will keep paying very close attention, love. Please stop worrying."

I took a deep breath. "I can do anything if you're with me."

"That's my girl." He gave me a crooked smile. "Everyone is waiting for us in the main house, let's go. I'll tell you along the way about the rest of Eleazar's family."

We ran lightly up the drive to where the rest of our family stood waiting. Much of the snow from the most recent storm had melted in a brief unseasonable warm spell, so it was easy going as we entered the forest. The rest of the Cullens disappeared into the trees around us as we began to run, and I knew that I was surrounded by a loose circle of protection. I held my breath until Edward finally convinced me that it was unnecessary unless he or one of the others gave a warning sign, and he distracted me in the meantime by telling me about the Denali clan.

"They're all much older than we are, even older than Carlisle. Their family structure is a bit different as well; Eleazar and Carmen are the only two mated vampires. Kate, Irina, and Tanya were created by the same vampire and consider themselves sisters, and none of them have mates. They don't have a head of the family as Carlisle is for ours, but Tanya acts as their spokesperson more often than not."

"You told me something about Tanya while…"

Edward grimaced a little. "I was wondering if you'd remember that."

"Do I need to be worried?"

"No," he said immediately. "Tanya and her sisters seek out men, both human and vampire, for their own pleasure, and she did approach me once. I told her that I had no interest, and that was the end of it. She is not some threatening jilted lover, and of course, _no one_ could ever compare to you, my wife."

"What do you mean, they seek out men?"

"Do you know what a succubus is?"

I frowned. "Vaguely… it doesn't have a good connotation."

Edward laughed as we continued to skim easily through the forest. "No, in popular culture it certainly doesn't. Tanya, Kate, and Irina have taken human men as lovers for centuries, after they discovered how _not_ to kill them in the act. The majority of the legends are completely false, of course, and I'm sure there are more than just the three of them who have done it, but they did their part to contribute to the stories."

"That's funny," I giggled. Edward cocked an eyebrow at me.

"Is it? I suppose I was essentially an incubus while you were still human."

"Oh! I didn't even think of that!"

"It goes without saying that the… mechanics of the act are much less dangerous for a human male than a female. Not many women probably lived to tell the tale that you can."

"How did your family meet them?"

"Carlisle met them by chance a very long time ago. It was centuries before I was changed."

I thought for a moment. "Are there any other 'vegetarian' vampires out there?"

"I'm sure there are, although we are greatly in the minority. Our family and the Denali clan have stayed close friends partially due to that fact. It's also easier for us to form closer bonds. Traditionally, vampires who feed on human blood find it much more difficult to stay in a large group."

"Edward… will you ever tell me about what it was like… when you…"

He turned his head and gave me a small smile. Since he was no longer able to read my mind, he'd become much more sensitive to my moods and needs in other ways. "I will tell you about it, yes. But not on Christmas."

I nodded my assent and then fell silent again. For a time, Edward had been one of those vampires who preyed on humans, and although I had no interest in the details of an experience that still pained him, I wanted his reassurance that it was possible to return from a life of human bloodlust to live peacefully with, and even love a human. It gave me hope that I would have his control someday.

The rest of the run was uneventful, to my great relief, and when the rest of my family reemerged from the forest surrounding us, I knew that we were close. A few short minutes later, we broke suddenly into a small clearing with a structure in the middle.

Although not as large as our main house, it was very similar in appearance: rugged and appearing to have grown organically from the forest surrounding it. I took a deep breath as we slowed to a walk, approaching the front door, and Edward put a reassuring arm around me.

"They'll love you, I promise," he murmured, and I couldn't help but smile. He knew me so well. I was nervous: aside from Eleazar, these would be the first strangers I'd met since my change, and the only other vampires I'd ever encountered. And despite Edward's encouraging words, I couldn't help but feel a faint sense of competition towards this unknown Tanya, the beautiful succubus who had, at one time, desired my husband.

The front door flew open and Eleazar stood there with a petite dark woman at his side. "Welcome, cousins! And Merry Christmas!"

We called back greetings in return, and I felt my tension melt away a little. It was such a normal scene, family arriving for the holidays with cheerful greetings all around. More vampires crowded out onto the porch behind them, and immediately the introductions began. They all wanted to meet me.

Carmen, Eleazar's mate, shared his black hair and slightly darker skin tone. She embraced me warmly and welcomed me to her family.

Tanya, Kate, and Irina were all so exquisitely beautiful that I would have felt inadequate by comparison if it weren't for the fact that they were all so obviously excited to meet me. I was passed from one set of strong arms to the next, pulled into hugs that were as genuine in enthusiasm as their words of welcome. They dragged me into the house ahead of the rest of my family.

We settled in the living room, with the three sisters sitting around me. They chattered incessantly, and soon I completely relaxed in their company. Kate was the bubbliest of the three, while Irina was the quietest, but no less friendly. Tanya had a sardonic sense of humor that I couldn't help but appreciate, and when Edward caught my eye, I gave him a smile, reassuring him that I was fine.

After everyone had caught up on news and gossip, my unspoken question about what exactly vampires did for Christmas was answered: we hunted. Everyone rose and Tanya linked her arm through mine. "Have you found a favorite yet, Bella?"

"Not any one specific animal, no, but I prefer carnivores."

"They do taste better," she agreed, and then scowled at Edward when he came to my side. "You can have your wife back when I'm done getting to know her, Edward. Don't be so possessive, you have all of eternity together now."

Edward's eyes slid from her face to mine, gauging my reaction. "Go ahead, it's fine," I urged him, hoping that Tanya didn't recognize the reason for his concern.

"I know how fast you can run if need be, Edward." She shoved him playfully. "Go on, we won't be far away. I won't let anything happen to your Bella."

He shifted uneasily; we'd never been apart while hunting before, but the other couples in our family did it all the time. Perhaps a little independence would be a good thing for us both to begin exercising. I smiled and leaned up to gently kiss his lips. "I think Emmett and Jasper are waiting for you."

Nodding slowly, Edward backed away a few steps, and I felt a surprising throb in the center of my chest. I knew he felt it too, but he took a deep breath. "I'll be close by, love."

"Shoo!" Kate finally exclaimed. "We'll take care of her, Edward. Don't forget that we have _many_ centuries on you. Let her hunt with the girls for once."

Tension rippled through me as he stepped away again, and Tanya must have felt it as she squeezed my arm a little tighter. "Come on, Bella, let's go. We're going to head north."

Reluctance was slowing my steps now, but the sisters pulled me along, out the front door. When our feet hit the snow, Kate and Tanya each took one of my hands and began running into the woods, Irina immediately behind us. "I thought he wasn't going to let you go," she laughed.

"He wasn't," Kate said dryly. "I think he's worried about Tanya going off alone with Bella."

Tanya growled playfully, and I stiffened a little even as we continued to run. "Don't listen to her, Bella. She's the troublemaker of the family. I take it Edward told you…?"

"That you propositioned him?" Kate interrupted, and all three of them laughed again.

"Wow, wonderful job breaking the ice, Kate," Tanya sneered playfully at her, before turning her attention back to me. "I figured he would have said something… I just didn't want you to feel uncomfortable around me. It was years ago, I promise you have nothing to fear from me. I love Edward dearly as I love all my cousins, and at one time, I thought we could have something more. I'm glad now that I was wrong, and that he turned me down. Otherwise, I would have missed out on hearing about yet another Cullen finding the love of their life and eternal mate." She sighed dramatically, but there was a shadow of seriousness on her face. My possessive instincts waned a little as I recognized that her words were genuine.

"Thank you for telling me that."

She smiled warmly. "I want you to think of me as a member of the family, Bella. You can call on me, on any of us, any time you might need us. And I think you and I can be very dear friends."

"She's getting ready to hit you up for sex tips," Kate warned, before bounding a few steps ahead.

"Oh yeah, speaking of that…" All three sisters burst out laughing at my words.

"We were waiting to see if Edward told you _everything_," Irina giggled. "I take it he did?"

The lighthearted mood continued as I ran with the three vampires, all of us pausing occasionally when one would catch the scent of prey and change the direction of our group, moving us like a flock of birds. Finally we chanced upon a herd of elk and, for a time, were absorbed in our own hunting.

After we'd all fed to satiation, we crowded back into a group again and turned lazily back towards the house. I couldn't help but be fascinated by these new cousins. They were lighthearted and irreverent in a way that only Alice came close to matching. Even Alice, though, had one deep sober streak through her being that connected her so intensely to her mate, to Jasper. That factor was completely absent here, although they weren't silly or vapid. It was a cheerful freedom that surrounded them, something that I knew I would never understand.

There was seriousness, though, as well. After we'd walked for a while, Tanya abruptly brought up the subject of the wolves.

"I meant what I said earlier, Bella. We are your family now as well, and we will come to your aid no matter what. If you have any concerns, don't hesitate to call on us and we will come."

"I hate that they have to worry about the wolves because of me," I confessed suddenly. It was a topic that gnawed at me in my quieter moments, when I began to wonder how such blissful happiness could last forever. "I wish there was something I could do, but there isn't. I would give my life for my family, for Edward, but it wouldn't fix the problem."

Tanya exchanged a glance with her sisters. "Bella, we didn't just pull you off with us for girl talk, and I'd guess Alice is figuring that out right now."

The tension returned to my body in a flash, the protective instinct rising automatically to the forefront. "What is it?"

"Please relax," Irina soothed, placing a gentle hand on my shoulder. "There's something we wanted to discuss with you, something that we're not… comfortable discussing around the others."

All of my muscles shivered involuntarily, the desire to get back to Edward now screaming through me. Despite her words, I didn't relax. Rationally I recognized that they posed no threat to myself or Edward, or to my family, but I couldn't help the defensiveness that rose up inside of me. "What couldn't you say in front of them?"

Kate sighed and grasped my hand, I moved unwillingly until we were all seated on an enormous fallen tree. "We wanted to talk to you about your shield."

My head snapped to face her and my jaw dropped. "What?"

"Please, Bella, calm down. You'll understand everything in just a moment. Will you listen?"

I nodded stiffly, and Kate and Irina looked at Tanya.

"When Eleazar came home from first meeting you," Tanya began slowly, "We didn't tell him this. We've never told anyone this. But we can help you to understand your gift, to help you learn to control it. We have to backtrack quite a bit, though, to get to that point. Has Edward told you anything about our family?"

"Not much," I replied, forcing myself to concentrate on Tanya's open and honest face.

"We are centuries old, much older than even Carlisle. We were all three created by a woman whom we called our… mother." There was just the tiniest hesitation before the word, and all three vampires surrounding me tensed just slightly, all of the lightheartedness from earlier gone. Even their words and speech were now belying their age, the centuries they'd lived.

"She was to us as Carlisle is to your family, although in a sense it may be difficult for you to understand, as Carlisle did not change you. The bond between a vampire and his or her maker is a complex and deep one, although it isn't as simple as love or hate, or even just loyalty. Regardless, the woman that was our mother not only changed us, but she nurtured, taught, and loved us as her true daughters. The circumstances surrounding her… death are still painful for us to speak of." Grief creased Tanya's perfect face, and I felt a sudden sharp pang of sympathy for her.

"That subject is not what we wanted to speak to you of, though. By the time we met Eleazar and Carmen, we had already been without her for some time. What we are going to tell you now is something we've never told anyone, and never will tell anyone. We respect that you may need to recount this to Edward or Carlisle, and understand and agree with that. But we will not speak of her to anyone but you, and this is not easy for us. Do you understand?"

"Yes," I said softly. Their sorrow was palpable, I could see the effort it took for them to share the little they had already.

Tanya took a deep breath. "Our mother had a gift as many of our kind do. It was very similar to yours, Bella. She was the strongest shield that any of us have ever known."

Air whooshed out of my lungs in sudden understanding. "She…"

"Yes, in fact we were shocked when Eleazar recounted to us the nature of your shield, your control over it as a human, and its characteristics now. There are some differences, of course…" Here Tanya paused and Irina took over.

"The similarities, though, are shocking. Both from what Eleazar told us and what we have observed ourselves today. We wanted to see you hunt, Bella. Your shielding abilities are remarkable, so much like hers. You became virtually invisible to us all as you were stalking. Not just in the sense that we couldn't _feel_ you nearby, but your scent almost vanished from our ability to detect it as well. It was much the same with our mother. She could hide from almost anyone she chose, deflect the senses and gifts of those who had them. We four traveled the world and she was virtually immune to every gift we encountered."

"That's incredible," I breathed, and the three around me nodded.

"It was remarkable," Kate agreed softly. "We've never in centuries met another like her, until you. And although her memory causes us pain, we want to help you, especially with the threat of the wolves to consider. The threat may not be from vampires, but your gift could prove invaluable to protect the ones you love if the time ever comes."

I nodded vigorously. "Yes, please tell me what she could do?"

All three of them sighed before Tanya spoke. "Not only was she able to protect herself, she was able to extend her shield to protect others as well."

I stopped breathing.

"She need only concentrate on enveloping them with her shield, and they were as immune as she. No matter if the gift involved manipulating emotions, inflicting pain or pleasure, or tracking, she was safe and anyone that she set out to protect was safe. She even had an ability to deflect physical intrusion… I'm sure you've heard of Renata, of the Volturi guard?" I nodded. "She could do something similar, although not with the same strength. More often than not she didn't need to do that, though, if she was able to simply evade anyone who sought her."

"This is what we want to help teach you, Bella," Kate said eagerly. "Not only so that you can protect yourself, but so that you'll truly understand your power. It can be confusing, not understanding exactly how to control something that is so obviously an inherent part of you."

"Yes," I murmured. "Did Eleazar tell you that Edward was able to read my mind sometimes while I was human?"

"Yes."

"Can you teach me how to… lower my shield so he can read my mind again?"

Tanya, Kate, and Irina all froze simultaneously, their expressions changing from pain to barely-concealed hostility. I immediately felt my own body tighten up in response. "What?"

"We could teach you that," Irina said finally, ignoring the pointed looks from her sisters. "But we would prefer not to."

"Why?"

Tanya's jaw tightened. "A shield is a defensive mechanism and it truly exists for one purpose: to protect you. Never forget that, Bella."

"I understand that, but what harm could it do if I let Edward…"

"We will tell you this only once, and then we will never speak of it again," Tanya interrupted. "How do you think that our mother, someone who had such an inherently powerful ability for self-defense, was finally destroyed?"

"I… I don't know."

"She lowered her shield," Kate said softly. "When they came to destroy the one she loved most, she made the decision to lower her shield, to expose herself and die with him in her arms. She could have easily eluded them, but _his_ powers were virtually non-existent compared to hers, and they found him. She decided that she would rather die than to live without him, although to this day, we fail to understand why. And so when they found him, she lowered her shield and gave herself willingly into their hands. She burned alongside him."

There was a long silence before Tanya spoke again. "We will come to your home and teach you everything that we learned from her, Bella. It's the very least we can do. But please consider our words: as ones who have watched the one we love above all others burn into ash before our eyes, we beg you to keep your shield tight around you. Don't lower it for anyone or anything. Protecting others is another matter, of course, but don't _ever_ let anyone else in."

***

We returned to the house not long afterward, when Irina pointed out that Edward would probably come tearing through the forest looking for us if they didn't return with me soon. I broached the question about Edward's reading their minds about the subject we'd discussed, but they were unconcerned.

"One of the wonderful things that come with age as a vampire is stronger abilities across the board, Bella," Kate laughed. They were back to their cheerful selves, the somber mood from earlier completely absent. It struck me as odd at first, until I realized that it had to be a self-defense mechanism of sorts. Grieving for centuries for one they'd loved so much would surely have broken them if they hadn't deliberately set about to continue with their immortal lives. "He might hear that we told you about _her_ being a shield, and that we're going to help you now. He'll probably be so thrilled about that, he won't try to listen any further."

"Edward's tried to eavesdrop on us practically since we first met him," Tanya added sarcastically. "He's not as successful as he likes to think he is."

All three laughed at the same time and I was struck again by their behavior; they spoke and acted almost like triplets, except for the obvious differences in their appearances.

"You'll come soon?"

"Yes, absolutely," Irina assured me. "We'll each come for a few days. I don't think it will take much guidance, Bella. Your control is absolutely remarkable already."

"Edward says the same thing," I mused. "But I think he gives me more credit than I deserve."

All three sisters vehemently disagreed at my words. "We've seen hundreds, maybe even _thousands_ of newborns between the five of us," Tanya said firmly. "You are so… settled, so firmly grounded, it's remarkable. Have you come into contact with any humans?"

"Not directly," I said, and then told them about the experience with the piano. They all nodded.

"Another newborn might have torn the piano to bits," Kate teased. "Your first whiff of humans after your change? Impressive, Bella."

"I need more practice," I said thoughtfully, as we came within sight of the house. "Carlisle and Jasper will agree, I know, but Edward is worried about me."

"And as your mate, that's understandable. But I think you'll be pleasantly surprised at what your shield can help you resist when you put your mind to it."

At Tanya's words, the invisible worry I carried non-stop on my shoulders cracked a little. "It can help me resist… human blood?"

"In theory," Irina cautioned. "We'll give it a test run before we turn you loose on a town. Don't run off to Anchorage just on our say-so."

"Of course not," I replied, somewhat distractedly, for at that moment I saw movement on the porch and knew that Edward was there waiting for me. His face broke into a smile when our eyes locked, and the throbbing in my chest was suddenly a welcome thing, not a painful reminder of our separation. In a flash he left the porch and was pulling me into his arms.

"I _really_ hate being away from you," he whispered, before pressing a fierce kiss to my lips. There was a giggle from behind us.

"Ah, such romance," Tanya teased. "Hopefully one day I'll find a love like yours."

I buried my face in Edward's neck. Although I was glad for her friendship, I still disliked any reminder, no matter how innocent, that Tanya had once wanted my husband for her own. Edward laughed lightly and hugged me.

"It's only a matter of time, dear cousin. Now you've monopolized my wife's company for long enough, and I'm claiming her back now."

Without waiting for a reply he released his hold on my waist, grasped my hand, and tugged me down the porch steps. I followed him willingly back into the forest, and when we were some distance away from the house, he stopped and wrapped his arms around me again, staring adoringly down into my eyes. "I missed you so much," he whispered, before kissing me softly.

"I missed you, too."

We kissed, unhurriedly, for several more minutes before Edward broke away. "Everything was fine with Kate, Irina, and Tanya?"

"Yes," I replied quietly, Tanya's name again evoking a small niggling sense of insecurity. Edward smiled and stroked my cheek.

"She meant nothing by that comment, love. I read her mind, and there was no deeper meaning to it."

I blinked, startled. "How did you know…?"

"I'm getting better at reading your mind without actually reading your mind. I know your body as well as you do, and I'm learning to listen to everything you say silently. I'm tuning into your needs and desires without the benefit of your sweet mind speaking to me directly."

"That's good." I smiled and leaned against him; arms around his waist, head tipped back and chin resting on his chest so I could look directly into his golden eyes. "Maybe you'll learn even more about me that way."

"Perhaps," he mused. "So you hunted? And got to know them?"

"Yes." I hesitated for a moment, but then remembered that Tanya had said that I could share their story with Edward, although they wouldn't do so themselves. "We talked for a long time and they told me about their… mother."

Edward frowned. "Their mother? They never talk about her."

"Yes, I know, but they had a good reason for telling me. She was a shield, very similar to me."

A thousand emotions seemed to flicker across his face in that moment, but his response was simple. "And?"

"They want to teach me how to control it, how to use it. They said that there's so much that I'll be able to do with it, to protect myself and the ones I love. That it might be useful if the wolves ever find us."

His body went completely still against mine. "I didn't want you to worry about that."

"Knowing how to utilize my strongest defense should alleviate worry, don't you think?"

"Yes."

"The things they said she could do… it was amazing. They said she could make herself virtually invisible to anyone pursuing her, and that she was able to protect others with her shield as well."

"And they think you'll be able to do that?"

"Yes." I could see the question he wanted so badly to ask, and I hesitated to address it, remembering their warning that their mother had perished when she lowered her shield to die with the one she loved so dearly. Her mate? I knew that I would rather die alongside Edward than suffer through eternity without him. "I asked… if they could teach me to lower my shield, and they said maybe."

Joy immediately replaced the apprehension clouding his beautiful features. "That's wonderful!"

I nodded and turned my head so that my cheek rested against his silent chest, just over where his heart had beat so long ago. "Carlisle will be very interested to hear all this too. It was difficult for them to talk about her, though, so maybe we should wait until we get home to discuss it again. Do you know what happened to her?"

"No," he said thoughtfully. "I know that she was destroyed by the Volturi, but I don't know what her crime was or exactly what happened. Carlisle may know."

"They think that my shield may help me to resist human blood too."

"More good news. When are they going to start helping you work with it?"

I ran my hands gently up and down his back. "Soon. They said they'll come to our home for a few days each."

***

The rest of our visit with the Denali clan was uneventful, but I learned so much more in those few days about my new world. All five were much older than any of the Cullens, as they were closer to a thousand years old. They had all traveled the world extensively and seen more than I could almost comprehend. They told me about some of the things they'd seen in their eternal lives, and I devoured their words, fascinated.

None of the three sisters brought up our conversation again, and it wasn't until we were preparing to leave that Tanya drew me aside for a hug, and whispered a promise that she would call me in two days and make plans for her visit. Kate and Irina also embraced me before my family and I darted into the forest and set out for home.

"Edward, what would you do if I tried to shield and hide myself from _you_?" I called to him playfully. He immediately turned to me without breaking stride and smirked.

"You wouldn't."

"How do you know?"

"I know you." He held out his hand and I took it, still running alongside him. "Besides, I don't know if you _could_. You and I share a bond that goes beyond my normal senses, remember? If I'm ever able to read your mind again, I look forward to knowing every inch of you again, inside and out."

"Have you ever thought," I paused for a moment and carefully considered how I wanted to phrase my next question. "That maybe it's _good_ you can't read my mind?"

He frowned. "No, why?"

"Do you believe we were meant to be together?"

"Unquestionably," he replied immediately. "Although Alice would be the first one to tell you the future isn't set in stone."

"And so we were meant to be, even though you were never able to completely read my mind?"

His frown deepened into an adorable scowl. "I don't understand what you're saying, but you've obviously given this thought, so please tell me what you mean."

"Isn't being around someone whose mind you can't read restful for you? A little quieter?"

"Of course," he admitted reluctantly. "But it's different with you, I _want_ to hear your thoughts. I miss being inside your mind more than I like to admit."

"I miss it too," I reassured him softly. The memory of Edward's comforting presence inside of me, of him listening to me speak to only him, was one I remembered very strongly from my human life. "I guess I've just been thinking more about my shield and everything that goes with it since my conversation with the sisters."

"I have too," he agreed. "Although, based on the little you've told me, it makes me feel _much_ better to know its ability to protect you is a strong one."

"Protect me from what?" I teased. "You keep telling me how much stronger and faster I am, I could probably just outrun anyone or anything that was chasing me."

"Except me," he countered, and I laughed. Despite my newborn abilities, Edward _was_ extremely fast, and he'd beaten me a few of the times we'd raced through the woods. There was a playful sense of competition between us that kept me testing him, though.

"Are we almost home?"

He arched an eyebrow at me. "We are. Is that your way of challenging me to a race, love?"

I didn't answer and, after confirming for myself that the forest around us was becoming more familiar to me, I lengthened my strides and was off like a shot. Edward's indignant yell came a split second later, and I knew the instant he began pursuing me, I could feel his determined presence close behind me. I shrieked and ran faster.

"Cheating doesn't become you, Mrs. Cullen!" he shouted.

"You should have seen that coming from a mile away," I countered, not allowing him to distract me as we flew through the trees. Being pursued by anyone else would have triggered defensive instincts within me, I knew, but having Edward chase me was undeniably thrilling. The knowledge of what he would do to me when I eventually allowed myself to be caught was even more so. I'd learned quickly that the thrill of the hunt and the sweet victory of success were powerful aphrodisiacs to a vampire.

"You're only making this harder on yourself," he taunted from behind me, "Delaying the inevitable."

I didn't bother answering him, knowing that the house was very close now. I concentrated on forcing every muscle in my body to push me on as quickly as possible, running faster than I ever had before. I broke the treeline with him just behind me, but I didn't slow until we were running around the house, to where he could chase me down the front driveway to our cottage.

In the quickest fraction of a second, though, I slammed to a stop...for there in the driveway stood a strange man.

In the time it took for him to turn slightly and see me, his eyes widening, Edward was behind me, his hand latching onto my wrist. My gasp of surprise was already roaring into my lungs, though, and with it the scent of…

"Oh, where did you come from?"

My vision went red. Everything was red. The sky and the forest, the remains of the last snow around us. The air turned red. Because all I could see… and smell… and hear… was the blood rushing inside of him, just under the most fragile barrier of skin, paper-thin and translucent to my eyes. I could see crimson bubbling and swirling through every vein, from the tiny ones in his eyes to the beacon that beat in his neck.

And it was mine, it was there, everything I'd needed in this short new life, all right there. Venom flooded my mouth in a sudden rush and every cell in my body pressed forward towards all that was rich warmth so close by. No thought, just movement. Need. Burning hot and painful and demanding deep in my throat. Fractions of seconds thrumming, the calculation of how soon I could have my teeth in his throat. Drinking. Roaring silence around me, deafening in my ears, letting me focus only on _it_.

But a manacle was around my wrist, restraining me from moving forward and taking it. I barely bit back a furious growl, not wanting to frighten my prey away. No… move gently and quietly, easily. Don't scare it.

I wiggled my wrist a little, trying to shake loose the pressure around it, but it only tightened. Moving slowly, still moving slowly, not wanting to tear my eyes away from _it_, reluctant to turn away even for a moment, I swung around, baring my teeth and tugging harder when I knew my body shielded my movements from its frightened eyes.

Edward. Edward was white in the red, the only thing not tinted scarlet in my vision. White and gold eyes that flashed to mine, locking me into place, cutting a swath through the red. Gold eyes that knew my soul, spoke directly to me, telling me silently to let it go, to stay with him.

Every instinct inside of me rose up, shrieking, my body demanding that I turn around and take _it_ regardless. _Just this once, let me go. Just let me go, let me drink, let me drown the burn under the red_…

But he wouldn't let go, and I wouldn't fight him, for nothing in the world would I ever fight him. I pled with him silently, begging him even though I'd never begged him for anything before, asking him to please give me this one thing, just this one thing. And I know he could hear me, but he kept me frozen, golden eyes in white, surrounded by red, connecting me more powerfully to him than the hand that was still wrapped firmly around my wrist.

_It_ was speaking now, and I could feel the warm puffs of breath against my back, stirring the air, heat and sweet seduction swimming lazily around me.

"Is she all right?"

A smooth voice responding, not Edward's though. "No, she's been ill and unfortunately your unexpected presence here has startled her. I'm afraid I must ask you to leave, immediately."

"Oh, I'm really sorry about that… it's just, I stayed here for the past few winters when you rented it out as a hunting lodge…"

The breath against the back of my neck grew fainter as _it_ began to move away, and I almost cried. _Why are you doing this to me?_ I desperately demanded of Edward. _Why, please, just this one thing_…

"Yes, we decided to move back here and the house will not be available for a hunting lodge again in the foreseeable future. As you can see, my daughter is not quite well. Edward, why don't you help her inside?"

_No!_

_Love…_

_NO!_

He gently drew me to him, and for the briefest moment I contemplated yanking away. I knew I could, I knew I was stronger and faster. I could have _it_ in my hands, in my mouth, before any of them could move. But Edward was pulling me to him, and there was nothing that would make me pull away from him, push him away, or fight him. Where he wanted me to go, I would go, even if I was starving to death and he was taking away my last meal.

His arms enveloped me then and with the force of a bomb, I knew. I _knew_. I let out an involuntary sob which was half frustrated cry, half demented wail, and he pulled me tighter against him, already moving us towards the house.

"Geez, I'm really sorry…"

Edward picked me up in his arms, carrying me into the house just as he'd carried me in weeks before, moving quickly when we were out of sight. Then he was laying me down on a bed and pulling me tight against his body, curling me into him as I wept tearlessly, hating myself for the very first time, hating what I'd almost done, and hating what I still wanted to do more than anything.

I lay collapsed against his chest for a very long time as he crooned into my hair, kissing my head, just as he'd done before, waiting for me to come back to him. I felt a strange sense of disconnection from our surroundings; I could tell we were in his old room, surrounded by the boxes Alice had yet to unpack, but none of it was real. The only thing real connecting me to the earth was Edward and his patient arms around me.

Light had completely faded from the windows by the time I finally spoke.

"Who was he?"

"Someone who used to stay here when we rented it out as a hunting lodge. He was in the area and decided to stop in and find out why it wasn't available this year. He was leaving; it's why Alice didn't see it happening in time. He made a last-minute decision to knock at the door again."

"I didn't know…"

"You couldn't have known," he said quietly, but firmly. "None of us truly understood what it's like until we were standing face-to-face with it. And not all of us were able to resist it as you did."

"I _didn't_," I whimpered, as the memory of the strange man came back to me. "I wanted him, I would have done anything to have him, to kill him…"

"No, you wouldn't have," he contradicted. "Bella, you could have easily broken away from me and killed him before I could have stopped you. _You_ chose not to. _You_ saved his life. You stopped; you chose to stay with me while fighting one of the strongest instincts we possess. Regardless of the reason, you stopped hunting and let him go. What more can you ask of yourself?"

"I don't want to be like that…"

"None of us do, and so we choose not to, just as you did. It doesn't mean that we aren't tempted, we are, each of us. It's how we react to the temptation that defines us."

"But I wanted to _kill_ him," I insisted. Edward tilted my head back and gently kissed me before replying.

"I wanted to kill _you_ the first time we met, remember?"

I shuddered in his arms. "How could you stand it? How could you keep from doing it when everything is screaming at you to just…"

"I chose not to," he said simply. "I'm not saying it wasn't a struggle, but the choices I made eventually led to my being able to resist the call of your blood, and eventually to make you my mate. You made a choice today, love, to listen to me and focus on me. And because of that choice, a human is alive and well somewhere right now, perhaps a little confused, but no worse off for it. Our lives are defined by a series of choices, and we all live from one moment to the next. Don't demand perfection of yourself, none of us do."

I thought about that. "I could hear you," I said finally. "I could hear you, well, not _hear_ you, but I could… I don't know exactly how to explain it."

He smiled faintly. "I could hear you too… not reading your mind, but your thoughts were plain enough."

"I'm sure," I muttered, feeling a faint sense of shame. I snuggled my face against his neck, breathing him in, letting everything about him that called to my senses distract me from the memory of the strange man with the surprised eyes and the red that had surrounded him.

* * *

A/N: My apologies for the delay in this update, real-life and other annoying things have been beating me up something fierce! I apologize again for not replying to reviews, just please know that every time I get a new review it's literally a "drop everything and read NOW" moment for me. You guys are truly amazing!!!

Just a reminder that I'm on Twitter as lazykatevamp and do Tweet fairly often (and try to be funny)...don't hesitate to hit me up!!!

As always, many thanks to the super-beta Stratan, to my fan-fic-twin-for-life Brits, and my lovely Amy who listens to me when I whine, consoles me when I cry, leaves fuckawesome reviews and gives me a royal kick in the ass when I need that too. I love you, bb!!!


	20. Chapter 20

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and its characters. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**All original characters, plots, and the storyline contained within this derivative work are the property of Lazykate. This story may not be reproduced or reposted without permission from the author.**

**Chapter Twenty**

"You bought me a Ferrari?"

I'm not quite sure why I was shocked, but just when I thought I had a grasp on the Cullens' penchant for giving expensive gifts, Edward had dropped this surprise on me. It was a lovely car, looking sinfully fast even as it sat gleaming in the garage with a giant bow perched perkily on the hood.

The look on Edward's face was a mixture of smug pride and the unabashed naughtiness that he knew I couldn't resist. "I did. Your belated Christmas gift, remember?"

"But… we're in Alaska!"

A lazy smile slipped over his face and he stalked around the front end until he had me pinned up against the shiny red paint of the sleek and expensive car. "It's not always snowy here, love." His hips nudged against mine and his hands settled on my waist, his face turning down so that our foreheads were touching. "Plus, I told you it was a gift for both of us."

I automatically wound my arms around his neck. "You're going to drive it too?"

"Hmm, maybe." He placed an unhurried kiss on my lips. "I was thinking more about fulfilling my fantasy of bending you over the hood and having my way with you. That's a memory I'd like to keep for eternity."

"Boys and their toys," I managed, before his lips claimed mine again.

"_Ahem_," came a loud voice from behind us, and we both turned to see Rosalie standing there, a tight smile on her face and a wrench in her hand. "I can put up with you two pawing each other all the time in the house, in the driveway, in the woods, and just about anywhere else you can think of. But not in here. I will _not_ have you defiling my garage too."

Edward snickered. "How do you know we haven't already?"

Her eyes frosted over. "_Out_."

Still chuckling, Edward took my hand and we left the garage with Rosalie scowling behind us. A faint memory tickled the back of my mind. "Edward," I whispered when we were halfway down the drive, "Did we defile the garage in Forks?"

"Indeed we did," he confirmed. "On our second day together, no less."

"Hmm, I wish I remembered that."

He cocked an eyebrow at me. "We could reenact it, if you like. It involved me taking you up against the door. I recall we both enjoyed it immensely."

"That sounds nice," I said innocently as we reached the door of our cottage, and Edward squeezed my hand.

"It was very nice. I'll have to see if I can't shake that memory loose, hmm?"

I laughed lightly as we entered our home and he shut the door behind us. Our home… I felt the walls surrounding me in a comforting embrace, making me feel more secure than I ever did anywhere else.

Two days ago, I'd come face-to-face with the greatest temptation that called to vampires. After I'd calmed down and felt confident enough to leave the bedroom in the main house, Edward and I went back to our cottage and spent hours making love. It was almost frantic on my part, gentle on Edward's. I needed his body, his words, his love, to reassure me that things were all right; that nothing tragic had happened. That I was still his Bella, not a monster that had wanted so desperately to commit murder.

Edward, for his part, was unendingly patient with me. He knew me as well as I knew myself, and knew when to be loving, dominating, or playful with me. My moods were spastically mercurial in that first day after my encounter with the strange man, and Edward readily gave me whatever I needed in that stormy sea of tumultuous emotion. Burning thirst and passion, they went hand-in-hand for us, and I'd tried to force the memory of the man and how he had called to me out of my mind by turning to Edward.

"_I understand, you know," he said softly, stroking my cheek as he lay beside me after we'd exhausted ourselves once again. "But I didn't have someone to help me fight the urge at that time, and I came to realize that the person I needed most to help me was the one I wanted to kill. I didn't know what to think, most of the time." _

"_I can imagine," I replied, nestling deeper into his embrace, our limbs tangling together. "I know I wouldn't have stopped on my own. I _know_ it."_

_He started to object, but I quickly silenced him with a kiss and then pulled back just enough to look into his eyes. "It wasn't self-control, or my shield, or a conscience that stopped me, Edward. It was you. You were…" I hesitated, trying to find the right words to express something so supernatural that it was almost unbelievable. "You were the only clear thing I could see. Everything was red, like tunnel vision. All I could focus on was _him_, and yet you were there, very sharp and clear in my vision. Everything else around me was a blur, but you were so…distinct. And when I saw you, I realized it was you holding me back."_

"_You could have easily broken away from me, love." His words were gentle even in their honesty._

"_Yes, I know I could have… but when I saw you, it was like I was able to think again. And I didn't stop because I wanted to; I stopped because _you_ wanted me to."_

_He looked thoughtful as his fingers tangled into my hair. "But you chose to."_

"_Yes, but…"_

"_It's an important distinction." He dropped another kiss on my lips. "All I did was hold your wrist and look at you. I didn't do anything more than that. You decided on your own that it was enough to make you stop."_

"_I don't see the difference," I mumbled querulously._

"_Again, you don't give yourself enough credit." He pulled back from me and the rueful smile I loved so much tugged at my heart. "Bella, you are truly unique, don't you understand that?"_

"_I don't want to be unique. I want to be understandable and predictable."_

_He laughed out loud at that. "I'm sorry then, love, but I don't think that will ever happen. And I rather like you being unpredictable. It will keep eternity interesting."_

_I started to disagree with him, but he smothered my protests under another long kiss, one that inevitably melted into his lips on my body, my fingers in his hair… _

"Bella?"

I started a little and came back to myself as Edward reached out to touch my face. "Where did you go just then? You looked so far away."

"I was right here, actually." I smiled and turned to press my lips against the palm he'd laid on my cheek. "Thinking about you, and the past two days."

He hummed appreciatively. "Would you like to tumble back into bed, Mrs. Cullen?"

I hesitated for a moment. "Yes… but first… will you play for me?"

"Of course," he replied immediately, leaning in for a quick kiss before crossing the living room to sit at his piano. "Any requests?"

I curled up on the couch, my favorite place to sit while he played. It was comfortably warm from the fireplace, but allowed me to see him as he played, to watch the ripple and flex of tendons in his arms and hands as his fingers moved easily over the keys. "Something soft. Music to think to."

Edward looked at me curiously but didn't press, knowing that I would tell him everything when I was ready. He thought for a moment, and then began playing a song I was unfamiliar with; it was tranquil and reminded me of water. "What is this?"

"I wrote it." He spoke quietly, and his words blended perfectly with the music.

"It's beautiful."

"It should be. I wrote it for you. It's Bella in music."

The absolute adoration I had for my husband throbbed warmly in my chest, and I knew he felt it too when he tossed me a quick smile and continued to play. I stretched out on the couch, knowing that he would happily play for hours as I lay listening to him.

The music went on and on as I shut my eyes and let my mind wander. I didn't want to think about bloodlust any longer, so instead I thought about my shield, its power and its potential. Tanya had promised to call in two days' time, so perhaps she would call today. I wanted desperately to start working with my shield, pushing its limits, understanding what I could do with it.

_Why should I wait?_

The thought was an intriguing one. In the weeks since my change, I'd been too preoccupied to make a concerted effort to work with my shield. Despite the fact that I no longer needed sleep, Edward and I found ways to fill up the hours, and it was rare that I had a moment of doing _nothing_ but thinking.

I was also afraid of continuing to fail. Afraid that despite my best efforts and intentions, that I would spend eternity mentally closed off from the one person who made up the other half of my soul.

That wasn't quite fair, though. Even with my mind's sudden silence, Edward still knew me inside and out, could sense my moods and thoughts almost as quickly as I experienced them. He'd come to know me first by reading my mind, but now he was using his other senses to read my soul.

At that thought, I couldn't help but open my eyes and smile a little as I watched him. He was so beautiful at the piano, relaxed and heavy-lidded as he gave himself up to the music which had obviously come from so far deep inside of him. His lips were parted just slightly and his forehead wrinkled from time to time. I knew every inch of his body, his expressions, his reactions, but his beauty still took my breath away.

Before I could allow myself to be distracted, I shut my eyes again and thought about my shield. There seemed to be two aspects that I needed to come to understand: that I could shield others just as I could shield myself; and that I could possibly drop my shield, which would allow others' gifts to affect me. Evidently, shielding Edward wouldn't allow him into my mind, as I would still be shielding myself at the same time.

It was puzzling to consider. From my vague human memories and the entries I'd scrawled in my journal, I'd already been successful at lowering my shield, as weak as it may have been before. Extending it to protect another was something entirely new and different, though. Was it simply a matter of envisioning it, as I had when I'd raised and lowered it at will before? Could it really be that easy when I couldn't see it at all now?

Eleazar's words, that my shield was wrapped tightly around me as a defensive mechanism, came back to me. Would it be easier to manipulate if there was no threat, nothing to defend myself against? Where else did I feel safer than here in my little house, with my husband close by?

I let the soft sweet music wind gently through my mind as I deliberately slowed my breathing and forced all conscious thought from my mind. I told myself that in the entire world, there was only Edward and I, encased in a safe cocoon, where a perfect moment like this could go on forever. If there was a heaven for humans then surely it would be something like this, and if there was a heaven for immortal beings, then hopefully I was in it with him now.

I felt enormously peaceful in that moment, but there was nothing else. No flicker, no tug, no jolt, no indication that my shield was relaxing, flexing, or in any other way allowing me to manipulate it. I may as well have been trying to will my very skin off my body.

"Love, stop trying so hard," Edward called softly to me, still playing.

"I can't help it," I sighed, opening my eyes. "Now that I know it's possible, I want it twice as much. But it's like waking up one day and deciding that I will start speaking Russian. I can't just _do it_."

"No, but how would you learn Russian?" he replied. "You'd take lessons, you'd learn it by studying, not by spontaneously downloading it into your brain."

"Like _The Matrix_," I said, and we both laughed. It was one of Emmett's favorite movies.

"And think of the different ways you could learn a new language. You could go for total immersion, move to Russia and learn by living and having to adapt to survive. Or you could learn phonetically, or you could do rote memorization. There are many different ways to learn, and I have the feeling the sisters will experiment to figure out what works best for you. The only difference is that language is a concrete thing, either you say something correctly or you don't. Your shield isn't that predictable. You'll know when you're successful because you'll be able to feel it."

"You think so?"

"I do." Edward finished the song he was playing with a quiet flourish of notes. "And I don't think you should sit and frustrate yourself over not being able to control it right now, simply because you _want_ to. Would you get angry at yourself for not being able to speak Russian if you didn't even have a textbook, or any other learning materials?"

"Of course not, that would be silly."

"My point exactly." He stood up from the piano bench, came over to me, and was just bending to kiss me when we both heard the near-silent vibration of his cell phone in his pocket. He pulled it out and quirked an eyebrow when he saw the display. "Well… speak of the devil… or the vampire."

It was Tanya calling to confirm that today would be a good day for her to come visit us. Edward slipped his phone back into his pocket, smiling at the eagerness on my face. "She'll be here in a couple of hours, love. Let's go up to the main house and tell the others and maybe recruit some help."

"What do we need help for?" I hopped nimbly off the couch and took his hand as we left the cottage and walked quickly up the drive.

"Tanya doesn't have a gift, so we may need someone else to help us confirm if your lessons are working. I'm going to volunteer Alice as someone for you to shield… her mind never shuts up."

"Edward," Esme chided gently as we stepped into the giant living room of the main house. She and Carlisle were carefully packing away all the Christmas decorations that had been put up only a few days earlier.

"I know she's not here," Edward grinned, unrepentant, and Esme shook her head, smothering a smile.

"Tanya is on her way," I interjected. Carlisle nodded immediately.

"I thought she might come today to start helping you work with your shield."

"Yes, but there was something I wanted to ask you about their family."

He dusted his hands free of the sticky pine needles. "Yes, of course. What would you like to know?"

"Tanya, Kate, and Irina told me quite a bit about their past, and their mother, but there was a lot they left out as well. I don't want to bring it up while any of them are here, so…"

"You're curious about their mother?"

"Yes, they told me that she had been destroyed, but they didn't tell me why, or how." I carefully avoided mentioning that she'd lowered her shield to go willingly to her death, mindful of Edward standing close by my side.

Esme looked at Carlisle and smiled. "Sit down with them; I know it's a long story. I can finish this myself."

He touched her face fondly, and then crossed the room to Edward and I. "It _is_ a long story. Have a seat, and I'll tell you what I know."

Edward and I settled on the couch, and Carlisle seated himself directly opposite. Noting how both men automatically assumed what would appear to be comfortable human postures, I crossed my legs and wiggled my feet experimentally. Remembering to appear human was something I definitely needed to work on.

"There is a great deal of backstory to this, so to start with, I have to tell you about what were called the immortal children. Hopefully you will never see one yourself, as creating them is against one of the very few laws that our kind has. They were children, very young children, some only toddlers, that were turned into vampires."

I gasped, shocked at the idea of a small child writhing through the burning agony of the change. "_Why_?"

Carlisle shrugged gracefully, his face somber. "Just as some humans are unable to naturally conceive children and go through other avenues to become parents, some vampires felt they were lacking for not having children as well. I'm sure it happened sporadically throughout our history, but there was a period of time, centuries before I was born, where many were created in a short span of time. I'm not sure why, but suddenly immortal children were being created across the world in unprecedented numbers.

"Imagine, Bella, the beauty and innocence of youth, magnified by the transformation into a vampire. The immortal children were utterly irresistible; everyone who saw them couldn't help but adore them. Unfortunately, they were still children at heart, and even human children have little-to-no self-control. They didn't understand the concepts of restraint or discretion. They were guided solely by need and want, their instinct to survive paramount above all else. What had been a few isolated incidents before became more frequent and conspicuous. There were several instances of immortal children escaping from their makers or covens and feeding freely, regardless of who may have witnessed it. Of course, they were also unbound by any of our other concerns, and thought nothing of going out in sunlight, for example. What had once been something that was merely frowned upon, suddenly become a serious problem."

"What happened?" I queried, already half-knowing the answer.

"Without going into great detail, the Volturi began a worldwide extermination of the immortal children. And although there were many of them, there were even more deaths associated with their execution. Hundreds and hundreds of adult vampires died as well."

"Why?"

Carlisle smiled sadly. "If you had a child, and that child was to be put to death before your very eyes, wouldn't you fight to try and prevent it?"

"Oh," I said quietly, understanding now.

"When I lived for a time with the Volturi, I had the opportunity to meet two immortal children. Aro had kept them as pets or lab rats, for all intents and purposes." Carlisle's kind face reflected the distress he still obviously felt. "Any new or intriguing thing in our world is a minor miracle, and Aro was fascinated by these immortal children, even as he recognized the danger they posed. He thought that perhaps they could be taught…but it was not to be. He ordered them destroyed. And creating an immortal child is a crime punishable by death, there are no exceptions."

At that point, I noticed from the corner of my eye as Esme silently set down the box of decorations she'd been holding and left the room. Carlisle watched her go, unhappiness plain in his eyes before turning back to me.

"What I can tell you now about Tanya, Kate, and Irina's mother, I learned directly from Aro himself. The sisters have never spoken about it to me, or to Eleazar, to my knowledge. They may tell you more themselves, but I doubt they will. The pain of losing her, their creator, their mother, is a burden they still carry.

"It was centuries after the execution of all the immortal children. There was an isolated incident of one being created here and there, true, but for the most part, it simply is not done. Not only because of the punishment, but because of the associated bitterness that surrounds their legacy. Where they were once loved and adored for their beauty and charm, they are now reviled for the pain they caused our kind."

Carlisle paused for a long moment. "Their mother's name was Sasha. I will never forget it because Aro remembered her keenly and spoke of her on more than one occasion. A vampire of such unprecedented power… of course, his main concern was for her talent, something he felt she recklessly threw away…although I never knew exactly what those powers were until you mentioned them to me, Bella. Without the knowledge of her three daughters, she created an immortal child. His name was Vasilii. And I know that only because she evidently cried his name as he burned in her arms."

I was too stunned to respond. From what the sisters had told me, I had automatically assumed that their mother had sacrificed herself to die with her mate. Instead it had been a child? And not just any child, but one that should never have been created to begin with? Edward felt me tense next to him and I saw him turn to look at me curiously.

"How the Volturi found out what she'd done, when she'd managed to keep it a secret from her own daughters, I don't know. There are some things that Aro, Caius, and Marcus choose not to share, even with friends." Carlisle's gentle face twisted into a slightly bitter smile. "Evidently, she didn't know they were coming, however, for they captured Vasilii easily enough. They thought she would be harder to apprehend, but to their surprise, she surrendered herself to them. She took Vasilii in her arms and looked Aro directly in the eyes as they set them to burn."

There was a haunting chill in the silence after Carlisle's words. "Why…why would she do such a thing?" I asked finally.

"Why do any of us do the wrong thing? Was it one bad decision? Did she honestly believe she could keep him a secret? No one knows, and no one will ever know. Sasha's daughters had no idea he even existed, until the Volturi executed the two of them in front of their very eyes. Their ignorance was the only thing that saved them."

I remembered the barely-concealed resentment in the sisters' eyes when they'd mentioned the reason for their mother's death. A forbidden creation, a sacrifice made. Their mother had been taken away because of her own decisions, but for the love of a child they'd never met, one that shouldn't have ever come to be.

XOXOXOXOXO

Edward and I sat on the stone front steps of the house, watching the sky and waiting for Tanya's arrival. There was a storm rolling in, and the sporadic snowflakes from earlier were beginning to come down more frequently now.

"Edward," I said finally, breaking the silence. "Why do you think she did what she did?"

He shook his head. "Just as Carlisle said, why do any of us make a bad decision or do something we know is wrong? There are a million answers or no answer at all, depending on how you look at it."

"They must have felt that she abandoned them," I mused. "That she picked him over them."

"Probably," he agreed.

"I can understand not wanting to live any longer after losing a mate… I wouldn't want to live without you. But she willingly changed a child, knowing the whole time that it would mean his death and hers if the Volturi found out, and then _let_ them kill her… over something that should never have happened in the first place."

Edward gazed up into the thick gray clouds that were rolling in quickly now. "Do you remember what I told you about how Esme came to be a vampire?"

"I wrote it in my journal, yes."

"When she first woke up, she was furious. She cursed Carlisle for saving her, railed at him and told him that she'd _wanted_ to die."

I blinked, shocked. I couldn't imagine gentle Esme being angry with, let alone cursing Carlisle.

"It hurt him deeply, of course, because he already recognized that she was his mate, and they were meant to be together. But her grief was an intense and powerful one, something that made her try to take her own life, something that carried over into death. It took her a long time to come to terms with the fact that she would have to live forever without the baby she'd wanted and loved so desperately. If she hadn't come to love Carlisle, I don't doubt that she would have searched the earth for a way to die again."

"Oh," I said softly. His words put a new perspective on Sasha's actions.

"Rosalie would probably do the same thing. Not being able to have a child is the greatest pain she carries in her heart about this life."

"But Sasha _had_ three other children," I argued. "She picked him over them from the moment she changed him."

A lock of my hair blew in Edward's direction, and he captured it, winding it around his fingers. "All I can tell you is that a vampire's love is an instinct in and of itself. When you said you would rather die than live without me, don't you think I feel the same way?"

"Of course," I said immediately.

"If I had lost you," he murmured, "That night, the night of your accident, it would have annihilated me. I don't think it would have even taken a conscious action on my part. The absence of you would destroy me. I don't believe there is a world for me without you in it."

I shivered.

"Tanya and her sisters might not believe that is possible. Any unmated vampire might think it's melodramatic. Before your change, you might not have comprehended the truth of it. But I believe it as surely as I believe that the sun comes up every day and the stars come out at night."

"Tell me we don't have anything to worry about," I said suddenly.

"What?"

"The thought of you not existing, or being in pain… I can't stand it. Tell me that there's nothing we have to worry about."

He smiled a little and brought the lock of my hair, still twisted around his fingers, to his lips. "We have nothing to worry about. The only thing vampires have to fear are other vampires, and we've never had a reason to fear another of our kind."

"What about the wolves?"

"Love, you have to believe me when I tell you that if Carlisle was given even the slightest reason to believe they were a threat to us now, we would get up off these steps and leave this moment. So no, we don't have to worry about the wolves either."

I hugged my knees and looked up into the lead-colored sky, watching snowflakes form far above us and then drift aimlessly down. "What do we do with forever?"

"Make love." There was a smile in his voice.

"What else?"

"Tour the world, visit every place you've ever wanted to go. Have you ever been outside of the United States?"

"Unless driving through Canada while I was changing counts, then no," I said wryly. Edward laughed.

"I was thinking about a new honeymoon for us."

"I liked our first honeymoon." I looked at him coyly; the memory of our wedding night was remarkably clear in my mind.

"As did I, but it was altogether too short. Esme owns an island off the coast of Brazil and she's offered it to us, if we'd like some time alone together."

"Esme owns an island," I repeated in disbelief, then shook my head. "Wait, never mind. I don't know why I'm even still surprised by things like that."

Edward put his arm around me. "It was a gift to her from Carlisle. It's isolated and very beautiful. What do you think?"

I snuggled closer against him. "I think I like the sound of it. It's strange, though, I can't imagine not being with the rest of the family."

"They all take breaks from time to time," he explained. "Rose and Emmett had been in Europe for nearly a year just before the Halloween party. Alice and Jasper go on trips by themselves too, and even Carlisle and Esme want time alone occasionally. Sometimes the intensity of our feelings is something that we only want to share with a mate."

"When did you want to go?" My interest was piqued now.

"Whenever you feel comfortable being out amongst people. We can charter private planes, but there will always be people around, getting there."

Disappointment washed over me. "So it won't be for a while, then?"

"Not necessarily." He cocked his head to the side. "Tanya is here."

He must have sensed her thoughts even before we heard her approach, for a moment later she ran lightly around the side of the house, her strawberry blonde curls flying out behind her. She smiled widely when she saw us waiting for her. "It's always nice to have a welcoming committee."

"Of course," I said, giving her a quick hug, genuinely pleased to see her again.

"I hear you had quite the experience when you got home the other day, Bella." Her gaze was appraising. "And that you handled it remarkably well."

"Let's go inside, Tanya," Edward interrupted. "We'll tell you everything then."

An hour later, we were curled up in front of a roaring fire. The rest of the family had gone to hunt before the animals took shelter from the snowstorm that was rapidly building into a blizzard, and we had the house to ourselves.

"Tell me, Bella," Tanya said thoughtfully. "Do you remember what it was like, when you could manipulate your shield as a human? Was it visible to you, or was it more of a feeling?"

"I started imagining it as a force field, and that's when I started actually seeing it. I don't know if it was there all along, and I just never consciously noticed, or if I started seeing it when I finally believed that it existed."

"I wonder if it was a visual manifestation that your mind created to help you understand it," she said thoughtfully. "That it could have appeared to be anything that helped you recognize it?"

"Maybe," I agreed.

"What did it look like?"

"A fairly-clear force field. I could see through it easily, and was only really conscious of it when I raised or lowered it. It shimmered."

Tanya smiled a little. "Mother saw hers as tinted blue. She said the same thing, though, that she only really saw it when she was consciously manipulating it. Otherwise it was just _there_, something you become accustomed to; I suppose like a human wearing glasses."

"If you don't mind my asking," Edward spoke up, "What was it like when she shielded you?"

She shook her head, a slight quiver in her lips the only sign of distress. "None of us could ever tell. Thankfully there were only a few occasions were she _had_ to shield us, to protect us, but nothing appeared different to us. To her, though… she described it as a reaching out, just as you would reach out to take someone in your arms. She had a very strong grasp on controlling it, though, so it took no more than a thought on her part. And greater concentration depending on the situation, and how many she was shielding, of course."

"How did she learn to control it?"

"She never said, specifically." Tanya's perfect face took on a thoughtful expression. "We did meet a young male vampire, centuries ago, who had a very weak shield as his gift. It was nothing compared to hers, or yours, Bella, but she helped him to understand it better. I remember her telling him that he could sit for all eternity and want to control it, but that _wanting_ wasn't strong enough. She asked him how he envisioned his shield, and he said he saw it as a soap bubble. So she told him to start picturing that soap bubble, and envisioning himself manipulating it."

"That sounds exactly like what I was doing," I said, getting excited. Tanya smiled.

"Yes, it really might just be that easy. You need to give yourself a point of reference to work with, anything will do as long as it provides something for you to focus on. Your mind understands what it is you're trying to do. You can't visualize _nothing_ or work with _nothing_, you have to have something to concentrate on."

I licked my lips. "How do we start?"

"The same way you started as a human, evidently. You can shut your eyes or leave them open, whichever is more comfortable for you. Then, if you still imagine your shield as being a force field, start looking for it. It's there, it's around you; you just have to allow yourself to recognize it."

Minutes and then hours began to slip by. The rest of the family returned but thankfully opted to leave us alone. I began to grow frustrated when, despite my best efforts, I couldn't see the shield that I knew was there.

"It's like my vision is too good now. I'm seeing right through it!" I growled, and Tanya smiled patiently.

"We have all the time in the world, Bella. Let's try something a little different. Shut your eyes now, and think back to the very last time you can remember seeing it as a human. Try and remember exactly how it felt, what you were doing, what you saw, what you heard; put yourself back into that moment."

I shut my eyes obediently and began running back through my human memories, searching for the last time I remembered seeing that faint gleam surrounding me, like a shimmer of sun on water, remarkably transparent even as the distortion made it visible…

_And it shimmered_

_and then it was just black_

I gasped and went rigid. It was there, the memory was right there, but it hurt as it roared over me, details I'd forgotten piercing me into place…

"Bella!" Edward's voice seemed to be coming from far away, and it only intensified the memory. More details came back to me now, pouring over me like a bucket of icy water. I screwed my eyes more tightly shut and clenched my jaw, afraid of the memory, but I could _see_ it then, I could see it shimmering in front of me…

Shaking with the exertion, I reached out for it with my mind, and I could feel it. It was like extending a hand into a movie screen, reaching into a moment from my past that was frightening and disorienting, a memory I had no desire to revisit. It was the moment just after my accident, before Edward found me, the moment that I began to die.

The disorientation and terror that had gripped me then washed back over me now and I felt myself curling up into a ball, but I refused to let go of the memory. My shield, I'd had my shield up and had managed to lower it even through the pain and confusion. My sight was dim but my shield was there and I fixed my vision on it, not letting it go, holding onto it as tightly as I now sensed Edward gripping my hand. Slowly, slowly, I opened my eyes.

I was looking at the floor. But my shield was still there.

I could hear their voices clearly now, Edward and Tanya, and then Carlisle too. I was afraid to move; afraid to do anything that might shatter the image between my eyes and the floor, so instead I carefully squeezed Edward's hand.

"Love, are you all right?" There was panic in his voice and that took precedence before anything else in my world.

"Yes," I replied quietly, still looking at the floor. The shield didn't shift with my words, and I slowly let my eyes flicker back and forth a little, examining it. It looked different, more clear and defined, less like a flexible shimmer than a sharp, clean sheet of glass. It was barely visible, but most certainly there.

"Can you see it, Bella?" Tanya's voice was much calmer than Edward's.

"Yes… I'm afraid I'll lose it…"

"You won't lose it; I guarantee it's not going anywhere." There was a faint hint of amusement in her words. "Sit up and look at me."

I slowly uncurled, realizing that I'd been bent double over my knees. Remarkably, I was able to focus on both Tanya's face and the shield. She smiled. "Memorize what it looks like, Bella. Does it look the same?"

"No, it looks thicker, more impermeable. And clearer."

"Like a pane of glass?"

"Yes."

"Can you feel it?"

I frowned a little. "No. I just see it."

"Okay, just relax, Bella. I think you're actually hurting Edward."

At her words I gasped and immediately looked over to Edward, simultaneously realizing that I was practically crushing his hand in my own. I dropped and he flexed his fingers, smiling. "I'm sorry!"

"I'm fine, love. Just as long as you're okay too."

"Yes, I just…" I stopped short when I realized that despite my slip in concentration, my shield was still there. A surge of excitement went through me. "I can still see it!"

"I told you it wasn't going anywhere," Tanya teased. "Now what did you do that allowed you to see it again? Was it your last human memory of manipulating it?"

My mood plummeted just as quickly as it had risen a moment before. "Yes. It was the night of the accident."

Edward moaned softly next to me. "Oh, love… that's why you seemed like you were in so much pain. I don't want you to have to remember that."

I shuddered slightly. "I hadn't remembered that exact moment until just now. I had a vague memory of getting it down just after the accident, but nothing in any detail. This, though, was like reliving it all over again."

Carlisle spoke up then, from where he stood beside the couch. "Perhaps the trauma of that memory, paired with its association with your shield, was just enough to allow you to recognize it again? Like an amnesiac recovering their memory when they encounter a trigger?"

"I don't think there's any one answer," Tanya pointed out. "It's whatever allows her brain to recognize it. It's too bad you can't write a book about this, Carlisle."

"_Neuropsychological Responses of the Vampire Brain_ would probably raise a few eyebrows, that's true," he chuckled.

As Tanya and Carlisle continued to talk, I looked at Edward again. He smiled lovingly at me, and I marveled again at how easy it was to see my shield now. It wasn't as obvious or visible as before, but now that I knew what to look for, it was immediately apparent.

"I'm sorry I crushed your hand," I whispered to him.

"It's fine, love, I didn't even notice because I was so worried about you."

"It's a horrible memory," I murmured.

He sighed. "I guess we have the definitive answer on why Alice didn't see the accident happen; why she only saw you from the moment you were able to lower your shield. But enough about that. How do you feel now?"

I thought for a moment. "More secure. For a while my shield was a known, recognizable thing. Then it became something we didn't understand. I feel like I just took a big step in the right direction of understanding something that is as important as my sight or hearing, or any of my other senses."

He reached out and stroked my cheek in the gesture I loved so much. "Don't push yourself, though, love. It took you eighteen hours just to get to that point."

"_What_?"

"It's been seventeen hours and forty-eight minutes since we settled down here to work on this. I guess you lost track of time?"

"I guess so!" I gasped, laughing. "It's a good thing we don't have to sleep."

"No, but we do have to eat," he replied, gently rubbing his thumb under my eye. "It's been three days since you fed, love. And although I doubt any wayward humans will come wandering up the driveway in this weather, I still think you and I should go hunt."

I glanced over to see Tanya and Carlisle still deeply engrossed in conversation. "I guess you're right."

"I like to think I know what's best for your well-being." He stood and held out his hand to me. "The snow has let up a little. Let's go now."

We plunged out into the drifts which had grown exponentially since the last time I'd stepped outside. I laughed a little to myself, glad that I was wearing jeans and a sweater instead of a dress for once, even if the cold didn't affect me.

It was still snowing as we found and drained two lone elk, the wind whipping and swirling the white flakes around us as we fed. When we were done, we stood looking up into the night sky. There were no stars or northern lights tonight, just a heavy low cloud cover and millions of snowflakes hurtling down at us.

"I like the snow," I said absently. "But the island off the coast of Brazil sounds very appealing right now."

"It's incredibly warm there," he promised. "The ocean is like bathwater and we could lie out on the beach all day, just soaking in the sun."

"I guess we don't have to worry about sunburn?"

"No sunburn. Just sunglasses to block the glare from all the sparkling."

"I want to start working on my tolerance to humans, Edward. I'm not saying I want to make a day trip to Anchorage tomorrow, but I need to start getting used to the fact that there is an entire world of people out there. I can't hide here forever."

"Yes," he agreed, and then thought for a moment. "We can start getting closer to the main highway, just to begin desensitizing you to the scents. And just gradually get you closer and closer. Then maybe go into one of the smaller towns at night, when no one is around. You'll have to hunt daily before we do that, though, there's no point in putting yourself in temptation's path without being prepared."

I hummed and looked up at the sky again, at the millions and millions of white flecks that swirled around us like a snowglobe. And then, just as it crossed my mind to look for it, I could see the faintest reflection of my shield there too. "Huh," I said, surprised.

"What?"

"I just had a moment where I realized I didn't see my shield, until I thought about it, and then I saw it was there. Like it was there all along, but it wasn't what I was focused on seeing. God, does any of this make sense?"

"It does." Edward came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist, tilting his head back and observing the explosion of the snowflakes with me. "I think your comparison to a pane of glass is a good one. When you look out a window, are you looking at the_ window_ or are you looking at what's on the other side? The window is there, of course, but you're not looking at the glass unless you consciously think to do so."

"_That_," I said, relieved, "Is the best explanation so far. It's perfect, thank you."

"So you're in a glass box, then. How do I get in there with you?"

I giggled a little at Edward's words and then froze, a sudden thought blazing across my mind. "Hang on a second. I think I'm having an epiphany."

"All right," he chuckled.

"What you just said… about me being in a glass box. That's how I feel. It's rigid, it's inflexible. Glass doesn't bend or stretch. I can't even visualize that. And if I have to match my efforts to my expectations, of what I understand it to be…" I paused for a moment, my mind working furiously. "It's not so much a matter of _extending_ it or pushing it out to wrap around others. I have to get _you_ in here with _me_!"

"I'm following you," he said slowly. "So how _do_ I get in there?"

"I don't know. It's not something that is an actual distance from my body, something that you have to step inside. It's like a second skin… so I guess that blows my glass box theory out of the water."

"Not at all." Edward slowly turned me around. "I may not have to actually be within a certain physical proximity, but try to imagine, to _believe_ that I've stepped inside it. Match your efforts to your expectations, remember?"

I took a deep breath and fixed my gaze on him, then saw the faint sheen of my shield before my eyes, between us. I imagined that the surface was actually two feet further back than it appeared to be, a distance that would easily enclose him in my glass box.

Nothing happened, just snow falling gently around us, his beautiful face on the other side of the glass.

I gritted my teeth and concentrated harder, tried to push the glass back even though I had a feeling it would be useless. It was.

"Love," he called to me. "No one learned to speak Russian in a day. You've done so much already in such a short time…"

I puffed out a breath and looked at him, at the almost-invisible sheen between us, and then back at him again. I couldn't move it, it was too solid, if only there was some way I could move _Edward_…

And then suddenly, he was there.

My mouth fell open into a silent _oh_, as my eyes raked from left to right, seeing where the glassy shine disappeared behind him. It was _behind _him.

"_Bella_," he gasped, and I shook my head faintly, mouthing _No_ to him. The faintest humming of tension began to vibrate inside my head, an effort that bordered on the closest thing I'd experienced to a headache since I'd awoken a vampire. The humming became more insistent, but at that moment I noticed something else.

Edward. I could _feel_ him. Our bodies weren't touching, our eyes weren't even meeting, but I could feel him as though we were melded together. The ever-present warm throb in my chest beat harder, faster, almost like the heartbeat I'd had so long ago. It was a sensation that I couldn't define, but I felt a sudden surge of protection, of defense. Edward was _safe_.

And then, just as suddenly as the shift had occurred, it was gone, the faint sheen of glass back between us again.

I gaped at Edward for a moment and then uttered the first thing that came into my mind, which also happened to be tragically unladylike. "Holy shit!"

He burst out laughing.

"Did that happen?" I sputtered. "Did that really just happen?"

"Whatever it was, something just happened, yes."

"Could you read my mind? Or could you… I mean, I don't think I…" I was babbling now, desperately wanting to try it again but too excited to focus. "Did you _feel_ that?"

His brow wrinkled a little. "I felt something, but I'm not sure exactly what it was. I felt _secure_, for lack of a better word."

"Safe?" I volunteered, and he nodded.

"I think I just shielded you," I whispered, before a gigantic grin bloomed across my face.

"I think you did too."

I grabbed his hand. "Come on! Let's go back to the house, I want to tell Tanya and see if I can shield any of the others!"

"Hold on there, love," he drawled, tugging me back against him. "We're in the woods."

"Yes?"

"And it's snowing."

I grinned again in spite of myself, knowing exactly where he was going with this. "I hadn't noticed."

"Oh?" He pursed his lips thoughtfully. "I suppose I could do the noticing for both of us."

I couldn't resist him, there was nothing that could ever be more important to me than him. I wanted what he wanted, and I wanted him. And if I lived for a thousand years or more, making love with Edward in the snow would be one of the things I loved best.

My lips met his fiercely as he pulled me down into the white drifts around us, tiny crystalline structures that scratched our skin ever-so-slightly. I threw my head back as his lips met my throat, and I stared up to the clouds where the snowflakes were born, fell, swirled and then scattered around us.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

A/N:

So a little more back-story on the Denali sisters' mother, and quite a breakthrough for Bella and her shield! Good to know that she's making progress, eh? Let me know what you think, your kind reviews make me so blissfully happy, even when I'm not able to answer every one, that I just wanna WRITE WRITE WRITE and get this whole story out there!

A couple of items of note...first of all, THANK YOU to you kind readers who have inquired about the status of _Make Your Own Kind of Music_. Originally I'd planned to pull it off FF altogether due to its, um, adult nature...but thanks to some pointed suggestions, I'll be reposting a "censored" version here on FF and the original version will be over on Twilighted. It will be my next full-time project when this one is done (along with the IDBiV outtakes, of course, which shall be plentiful!).

Second, if any of you are reading my collaboration, the aptly-named "Dirty Little Secrets" with Brits23 (and hopefully you are!), you already know that Kate+Brits=genius (or trouble, depending on how you look at it). Well, we've come up with another genius/insane mind-meld, so be on the look-out for details about that soon!

And again, although I say it every chapter, THANK YOU so very much for your kind reviews and thoughts, even when I can't reply to every one, know that I take them all to heart and they give me the greatest inspiration to write that I could ever ask for!!! Love you guys!!!


	21. Chapter 21

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and its characters. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**All original characters, plots, and the storyline contained within this derivative work are the property of Lazykate. This story may not be reproduced or reposted without permission from the author.**

**Chapter Twenty-One**

Like an addict after the first and most intense high, the minor success I'd had with shielding Edward began consuming almost all of my thoughts and then my activities as well. I was obsessed with manipulating it, strengthening it, and understanding it; not only for the protection it could provide, but because it gave me a sense of _control_ for the first time since my change.

So much had been out of my control for the past few months. Edward and I had made so many plans, had so many dreams, and yet _something_ had always come along to change everything. Even the method of my inevitable human death and subsequent change, despite it being meticulously planned by Edward and Carlisle, had gone completely awry. As a newborn vampire, despite my apparently-remarkable sense of balance and composure, I was at the mercy of sensations and instincts which still sometimes surprised and frightened me.

And of course, waking up to discover that my ability to control my shield had vanished, along my with my husband's absence from my mind… having those two things taken away without my consent were the most frustrating. Regaining even a modicum of control became my only goal, and I pursued it with a single-mindedness that only a vampire could have appreciated.

Edward was my ever-patient lab rat, of course, but within a few days of non-stop practicing in our cottage, I found that shielding him was becoming almost second nature. I now understood how Sasha was able to shield others with a mere thought; my ability to pull Edward into my glass box was slowly becoming almost an unconscious thing, until finally the merest flicker of a thought could do it. The sense of relief and elation I felt was almost overwhelming.

When we finally emerged from our cottage, we hunted and then went to the main house. Carlisle and Esme had gone on a day trip to Anchorage, and Rosalie was absorbed in rebuilding an ancient truck she'd found at a junkyard, but Emmett, Alice, and Jasper all quickly agreed to let me practice on them. After I explained as best I could how I was doing it, and Edward told them what it felt like, I eagerly set about showing them what I had learned.

Unfortunately, as the hours passed, I discovered that shielding my other family members was nowhere near as easy as shielding Edward. In fact, aside from one brief moment where I was able to pull Alice just slightly into it, I was completely unable to shield any of them at all. My confusion gave way to frustration until Edward finally put a stop to my efforts, after almost a full day of trying.

"Love," he said calmly, "It stands to reason that you would find it easier to shield me than anyone else. I'm your mate, and not only do you have a more intense connection to me, but you're more protective of me than of anyone else. On some level, shielding me is probably an instinctual thing for you."

"I wonder if it would be easier if the situation were urgent," Jasper mused. "If one of us was in danger, or actually _needed_ to be protected."

"But how could we test that?" Edward asked warily. We all knew that he would automatically veto any action that would put me under stress or strain.

Emmett immediately came up with a suggestion. "Let's go hunt! We'll go find a hibernating bear, wake it up, and then when it's really pissed off, I'll pretend that it's gonna kill me. I mean, that's actually happened to me, so I could really play the part convincingly. _Bella, save me, save me!_"

He said the last part in a high-pitched squeak, and I couldn't help but laugh. "I'm not sure I'd be convinced by your acting skills, but thanks, Emmett."

"And I don't believe that seeking out danger, in whatever form that may be, would be a wise decision," Carlisle said firmly, his tone indicating that he didn't even consider it an option. He had been watching my efforts intently since he and Esme had returned from Anchorage, the keen curiosity of a scientist plain on his face. "You've done a remarkable amount in a very short time, Bella, and I have no doubt that the ability to shield others will eventually come as well. There is no rush to accomplish it."

I didn't say so out loud, but I disagreed with Carlisle. The idea that I had a defensive mechanism that could protect my family, but that my inability to manage it could allow harm to come to them, was a thought that always lurked in the back of my mind. Exactly _what_ I would have the need to protect them from, aside from the fading threat of the wolves, wasn't precisely clear to me, but the idea never went away. Carlisle probably would have diagnosed it as generalized anxiety or possibly an obsessive disorder, if such things were possible for vampires, but I slowly began to realize that the absolute _compulsion_ to ensure the protection of my family from this amorphous threat had to be related to what Edward described as my instinctual ability to shield my mate. There was no logic or basis for my worries, but it haunted my subconscious nevertheless.

Time went by; I kept forcing myself to concentrate, to try.

"Love," Edward said quietly, breaking me out of my reverie. "You've got to stop this."

I blinked at him, suddenly realizing that we were alone in the living room of the main house. I'd drifted off into my own thoughts again, and I had no idea how long I'd been roaming there. "Stop what?"

"Stop obsessing over your shield," he replied firmly.

"I'm not… obsessing…" I objected weakly. Edward's golden eyes locked onto mine, silently calling my bluff.

"Do you have any idea how long ago it was that you first managed to shield me, out in the woods?"

"Umm…" I thought furiously. Although my vampire brain could mark time as reliably as a clock, it was difficult to keep track of when there was no longer any need for sleep, and the Alaskan daylight was so brief. "I don't know, a few days?"

"Two weeks," he corrected. "We spent three days alone afterwards, and then rejoined the family. Since then, you've been concentrating on it so incessantly that I can tell that you don't even notice when hours go by. The only time you're fully with me is when I make love to you."

"That's not true!" My protest rang false and I knew it, as did Edward. He sighed and pulled me close into his body, and I buried my face in his neck.

"I understand that you want to… _get_ this," he said carefully. "But it's become too much. I can see it in your eyes, when they're far away even as you're frowning and working things out in your mind. I can see you sitting there, trying to shield the others even without their knowing. I can feel your frustration as though it's my own, and I can't just allow you to continue fixating on it."

I scowled again, but was unable to answer him. It was true. In any moments where my immediate attention or participation wasn't required, I played with my shield, trying to pull my family members into it. I'd wondered a couple of times if I would become Carlisle's case study for actual vampire mental exhaustion.

"I'm not trying to criticize you, Bella," Edward continued, more softly now. "A gift like yours is utterly remarkable; I don't blame you for wanting to explore it as fully as possible. But I can't help feeling that maybe we've all pushed you too much, expected too much. How many times do I have to tell you that there's no rush, that we have all the time in the world?"

Guilt contracted my heart at his words. "I just can't… how long did it take you to understand that, to grasp that?"

"Eternity?" As always, he knew me as well as I knew myself, knew exactly what I was referring to, and he tightened his arms around me. "It took a while, I'll admit, and you're right to remind me of that. My experience was different, for a long time I wasn't grounded enough to even care that I'd live forever. I certainly didn't have a mate to share it with. And how would you explain the concept of living eternally anyway?"

I nodded against his chest.

"I can't talk you into understanding it. But there is no urgency, no rush. We aren't in any danger. And your shield, in all its extraordinary glory, isn't going anywhere. Please promise me that you'll stop pushing yourself so hard?"

"I'll try," I replied, and I genuinely meant it. I knew that my self-preoccupation had meant I'd neglected my family and Edward. In truth, though, I knew that despite any changes in my behavior, the gnawing anxiety inside of me wouldn't go away. Only being able to control my shield as well as Sasha would do that.

"Kate was going to come in a few days," he continued, gently stroking my cheek. "But I think I'm going to ask her to wait. Let's stop concentrating on your shield for a while and see what develops naturally, when you're not pushing so hard. You might just surprise yourself."

"What should I concentrate on?" I wriggled around until I was sitting comfortably between his legs, my back against his chest. He wrapped his arms around me and rested his cheek against my hair.

"I think you need a hobby."

"A hobby?" I couldn't help it, I started giggling. The concept of a hobby sounded so ordinary, so _normal_ for a vampire. But he was right; in the isolation of our home, distractions were few and far between. The others could at least make the drive to Wasilla, the closest town, or Anchorage, the nearest city, but they were also finding things to occupy their time and minds.

Since he wasn't actively practicing medicine at the moment, Carlisle occupied his time by working on a book about genetic mutation. Esme was designing a new home for us from the blueprints up. Jasper was working on a book as well; it was fiction, a first-person account of the Civil War based on his own experiences, and Alice had suddenly decided to take up knitting with a ferocity and determination that surprised all of us. She could knit an entire scarf in an hour or two, cables or lace notwithstanding, and then packed it away for donation. She'd gotten bored with existing patterns, though, and had begun designing her own. Rosalie was rebuilding her latest project in the garage, and when Emmett wasn't out helping her, he was an always-willing partner for competition, be it chess or video games.

"Maybe 'hobby' was the wrong word," Edward said thoughtfully. "We're so isolated out here, love, you more than any of the rest of us. Rosalie and Emmett are already planning a trip to British Columbia, but that's not an option for us right now."

I grimaced; although I certainly wasn't bored, the claustrophobia did chafe sometimes. I refused to complain, though, I'd chosen this life and the first year or so of isolation, for my safety and that of others, was an inevitable part of that. "What would you consider _your_ hobby?" I queried, moving back to the original topic.

"Music, of course," he said simply. "Even when I'm not actually playing, I'm often composing in the back of my mind. Of course, that takes a back seat to adoring you, that's my favorite hobby."

"So romantic," I murmured as he kissed my cheek. "So aside from adoring _you_, what hobbies would you suggest for me?"

"Hmm, it's not as much a hobby, but what do you think about starting to take classes online, to finish your first degree?"

"Hasn't the semester already started?"

"Yes, but I don't think you'll have any problem registering, unless you'd rather wait for the start of the next semester?"

"Maybe."

Edward could hear the hesitation in my voice. "Is there something else you've always wanted to do, but didn't have the time?"

"I don't know… I didn't really have very many hobbies before either. I just read a lot." I sifted through foggy memories, of Renee's hobbies-of-the-week, activities that she took up with boundless enthusiasm and then inevitably abandoned when the newness wore off. I'd normally been dragged into participating too: pottery; jewelry-making; yoga. The thought of Renee sent a flicker of sadness through me; it was getting harder and harder for me to pull up random memories of my life with her. "Edward, do you remember your mother very well?"

If he was surprised by the sudden change of subject, he didn't let on. "No, only very vaguely. I was unconscious when she passed away and if it hadn't been for Carlisle breaking into my family home before we left Chicago, I wouldn't have the few keepsakes that I do. They help me remember a little."

"What keepsakes?" I asked curiously.

"Would you like to see them?"

"Yes, absolutely!" I knew little-to-nothing about my husband's human life, and I felt a surge of excitement over being given this one small peek into who he'd been before. He'd said on more than one occasion that he was sure we would have fallen in love if we'd met while he was still human, but trying to imagine an ordinary _human_ Edward was almost impossible. There had never been anything ordinary about him to me.

"Hop up, then." He gave me a little push off the couch and then took my hand. I noted that it was snowing again as we walked back to our cottage, but luckily it was Emmett's job to keep the driveway clear. We never had to trudge through drifts going to and from the main house.

Once inside the cottage, Edward went directly to the wall of bookcases and knelt down, retrieving a box from one of the bottom shelves. It was small, less than half the size of a shoebox, and wooden with an ornate design carved into the top. It had been squeezed in between some of Edward's older books that he rarely looked at, so although I'd fleetingly noticed it sitting there, I hadn't even wondered about what was in it.

I sank down onto the floor next to him and watched as he carefully opened the hinged top. There was a gentle reverence in his touch; a carefulness of movement that he normally reserved for either playing his piano or when caressing me. The first item he retrieved was a heavy brass rectangle with a latch on the side. When he delicately thumbed it open, the rectangle fell apart and I could see it was an old fashioned picture frame; hinged in the center, with a sepia-toned photo on either side. On the left was a photograph of a couple; it had obviously been their wedding day. On the right, the same woman was seated, holding a baby on her lap. Edward touched the image on the left.

"My parents, the day they were married. And then of course, that's my mother, holding me. It's the only pictures I have of them. Carlisle was in a hurry and grabbed the first picture he could find that had both of them in it."

"She was beautiful," I breathed. And she was, the woman in the photograph was breathtakingly lovely, glowing despite the old-fashioned clothing and stiff poses. And her face… it was obvious that Edward's had been almost copied from hers. "What was her name?"

"Elizabeth Masen," he replied quietly before gesturing to the other photo. "I was about six months old when that one was taken, I think."

I studied the picture of Edward as a baby, but it was hard to discern any resemblance to the man he was now. The pale eyes of both mother and son gazed seriously back at me. "What color were your eyes?"

"Green. Carlisle said my mother and I both had bright green eyes."

"You didn't seem to take after your father as much," I noted, looking back to the first picture.

"No, and I have even fewer memories of him, but I remember he was a good man, and he loved his family very much."

I stroked my finger over the tarnished brass of the frame. "Why do you have this put away? Wouldn't you like to have it out, where we can see it?"

He blinked, surprised. "I suppose we could, if you like."

"Yes, I think we should." I carefully set the frame aside, determined to make a place for it next to my own family photos. "What else do you have?"

"Not much," he admitted. "As I said, Carlisle had to hurry when he went to retrieve these things. The servants had all fled when my parents first became ill, for fear of catching the influenza, but I was already changing and Carlisle didn't want to leave me alone for too long…" His eyes were far away for a moment. "He wanted me to have things from my human life, even if they were just random items that were lying around when he arrived. He did find my mother's jewelry case, so I have all of her jewelry, but we keep that locked up with some of our other more valuable items. Except this…"

A small velvet box emerged next, and with no ceremony, Edward cracked it open. "My mother's wedding ring. She was wearing it when she died, and Carlisle took it before leaving her at the morgue." He held out the box to me, and I touched the ring as gently as I had the picture frame before, carefully stroking the delicate web of gold that wove around diamonds to form an oval shape. "It's so unique. I've never seen anything like this before."

"No, the design hasn't really been in vogue for quite some time. I actually…" he stopped for a moment and chuckled self-consciously. "I was going to give it to you, but I thought it would be better for us to have something completely of our own. And I didn't want you to feel obligated to wear the ring of a woman you'd never met."

"I would have been honored to wear your mother's ring," I contradicted. "But I like that it's still _hers_, it's such an important link for you to have."

"Yes," he agreed thoughtfully, before showing me the few other items in the box: his father's pocket watch; a handkerchief monogrammed with EAM; and finally, a small flyer advertising a new apothecary.

"What's this?"

Edward's hands gently closed over mine, and he turned the paper over. There, scrawled hastily, were several bars of music. "I think I wrote that. I don't remember anyone else in my family being musically-inclined. I suppose the tune must have come into my head, and this was the first scrap of paper I managed to get my hands on. I didn't have a perfect vampire memory back then."

"Have you ever played it?"

He shook his head. "No, and I have no desire to. It's not very good anyway."

I was about to protest, but the look on his face stopped me, and I stood up instead, holding the brass picture frame. There was just enough room next to the framed photographs of my family for it to sit open; Edward tucked the wooden box back onto the bookcase, and then came to stand beside me as well. "Thank you, love," he murmured.

"Have you ever thought about looking up more information about your family?" I asked absently, letting my eyes drift over Charlie, Renee, and Phil's smiling faces.

"Not really, no. What would be the point?"

"I don't know, curiosity?" I vaguely remembered that one of Renee's passing fancies had been genealogy. It had only lasted a few days after Renee realized that it wasn't as easy as just doing a Google search and getting all the information delivered in one nice neat package. It had been interesting, though, I remembered that. Almost like a puzzle, or a mystery to be solved. The family tree on both Renee and Charlie's sides were fairly small, so I remembered thinking that it probably wouldn't be too terribly difficult to explore, but by that time Renee had lost interest in looking up old birth certificates and had moved on to painting watercolors.

"I don't necessarily like looking back," Edward said quietly. "I much prefer looking forward, with you."

I stepped closer and wrapped my arms around his waist, staring directly into his golden eyes. "Why are you so sad, thinking about the past?"

He sighed softly. "My history isn't a happy one. I was so young when I died. I hadn't accomplished anything except for grandiose plans of glory in the Army. There was a horrific war going on, along with a worldwide influenza epidemic where people were literally dropping dead in the streets, Bella. And when my parents got sick, and I not too soon after…" His eyes went far away again. "My father died first, he went very quickly. But my mother tried to nurse me even though she was as sick as I was, and I'm sure it weakened her further. I was unconscious when she died; my next memories were of excruciating pain, of burning, and then waking up a vampire.

"I was confused, I was angry, I was in mourning, I could suddenly _read minds_… I have no idea how Carlisle was able to put up with me. But he was always so patient, even though I reacted… badly… when he brought home Esme and then Rosalie. And then the years I spent away from them…" He pulled away from me, shaking his head, and I let him go. "I murdered, Bella. I committed murder and not for noble reasons, not for self-defense, but out of pure selfishness. And I lied to myself about it, convinced myself that I was ridding the world of _filth_, appointing myself judge and jury of individuals whose paths I'd never crossed before that moment. And I killed them… so many people…"

He walked over to the fireplace and stood staring into the dying flames, his hands clenching into fists at his sides. I followed and stood close by, watching his profile, but not touching him, even though I ached to.

"Even after I'd managed to become disgusted enough with myself to stop killing, and I returned to Carlisle and Esme, they welcomed me with open arms. They ignored my red eyes and took me back into their family as though I'd never left, as though I had nothing to atone for, to be ashamed of. And then in all the subsequent years: the loneliness; being jealous of my family; then hating myself for coveting their happiness…" He finally turned to me then, a pained grin cracking the bitterness on his face. "And then I found the most beautiful girl in the world, and even though I didn't deserve her, I am a selfish creature, and I set out to make her mine."

"Don't do that!" I gasped, suddenly angry that he would say such a thing. "Don't act like you did something wrong by loving me, by saving me, by giving us _this_. I have never once regretted it, and I will _not_ let you regret it either!"

"I didn't say I regretted it, Bella," he countered. "Only that I didn't deserve you. I'm still not entirely convinced that I do."

The breath left my body in a whoosh as anger, _real_ newborn anger tore through me. I locked my arms to my sides and willed my feet to stay in place, for at that moment I truly wanted to shake Edward until his perfect teeth rattled in his perfect head. "What does that say about _me_, Edward? That I'm foolish or impressionable enough to stay with someone who isn't good enough for me? That I ought to be with someone else? Or maybe that I ought to have died out in the woods by myself. Was that my fate?"

"Of course not," he said tersely.

"Then how can you say that, let alone believe it?" All the frustration of the past days, my lingering fears, the pain of hearing Edward doubt himself in any way… it all churned together and came boiling up out of me. "You say that you don't want to look back, that it's painful… I can understand that. But don't you _dare_ cast any kind of doubt on what I feel for you, or what I _know_ you feel for me, by implying that you don't deserve me, or us, or _this_!"

"Murderers deserve happily-ever-after?" he snapped back, and I could see that the simmering tension was exploding out of him too. "Murderers deserve everything they took away from others?"

"Edward, _you're a fucking vampire!_" I screamed, probably loudly enough to be heard back at the main house. "You were doing _what vampires do_! If you were human and killing people for their blood, it would be something else entirely, but we're not human anymore! And unfortunately, nature has stacked the deck against us when it comes to denying our most deep-seated instincts, but we make a choice to be better! _You_ told me that!"

"You don't understand what it's like…"

"The hell I don't!" I snarled, advancing on him now. "I was beating myself up over just _wanting_ to kill someone. And again, _you_ were the one who told me I was better than that, that I made the choice to not take a human life. You've made that decision too; you made it a long time ago. And making that decision is the reason I'm standing here now, loving you unconditionally with every piece of my being! Yet you have the nerve to say _you don't deserve me_? Would you like for me to go slaughter a few people so I carry the same guilt as you, so we can be on equal footing? Because I'll do it if that's what it takes for you to stop allowing these memories to do this to you, to us!"

His face contorted in horror. "No, Bella, no!"

"Then _why_?" His words, that he wasn't sure he deserved me, came back and lanced my heart. "How can you still have any doubts about us?"

"Not about us, love," he groaned. "Doubts about me."

I wasn't quite sure exactly what it was about this simple admission that set me off. I didn't know if it was because I would never tolerate anyone hurting or belittling my husband in any way and that it hurt the most to hear _him_ do it, or if there was now that lingering little pang that he might have doubts about _us_. I didn't know if it was all that _and_ the frustration, fear, anger, and exhaustion I'd been feeling for the past two weeks. Regardless of the reason, a snarl ripped from my lips, and I saw Edward's eyes widen as I launched myself at him.

He was quick and strong, but I had newborn power and fury behind me, and he didn't have time to move before I tackled him, knocking him completely off his feet and into the sturdy chair behind him, splintering it into kindling with a deafening explosion. The force blew all of the pieces out of the way, and he was immediately flat on his back on the floor. "Bella… what the hell?"

"I am _done_ listening to your pity-party, do you understand me?" I straddled him, my hands holding his shoulders down, my thighs clamped firmly around his pelvis. "I will not allow you to keep trying to convince yourself that you don't deserve happiness. You told me that I brought out the best in you, that I helped you learn to stop loathing yourself so much. Unless you would like to sit and listen to me beat myself up over bad things I've done in the past, and insist that I don't deserve you because of them, then _stop it_."

He growled softly but there was no threat behind it. "You had to throw me through a chair to get your point across?"

"It got your attention, didn't it?" I taunted. Slowly but surely, there was a very faint shift in the tension swirling around us. It was a melting of anger and a blossoming of heat. From my perch on his pelvis I could feel him hardening under me, and I leaned over him, hands still pressing him firmly to the floor, allowing only the smallest sneer to curve my lips upward.

"I want _my_ Edward back. I want the vampire who broke the door of my balcony because he was so desperate to have me _right then_. I want the husband that lost control with me on our wedding night when I pushed him past his limits. I want the man who will take me whenever and wherever the mood strikes us, even if it's up against a goddamn tree. _I want my Edward back_."

He growled, more loudly this time, and his hands snapped up to my forearms. Before I knew it, he'd flipped me over and I was on my back with him hovering over me: an end table went flying as I kicked my legs out to the side, squirming fruitlessly to get out from under him. "Be careful what you wish for, oh wife of mine," he crooned softly, with danger in his voice. "Once you turn a vampire loose, you can't just turn him off again."

"Believe me," I gasped, even as I continued to wriggle furiously underneath him, "I don't _want_ to turn you off."

"Good girl," he purred, just before dropping down over me full-force, flattening me into the floor. I swear I heard the thick floorboards squeak in protest just before his lips crashed into mine: hot; hard; and angry. His lips were immediately prying mine apart, his tongue forcing his way into my mouth, and I growled a little, bucking under him.

"Mm-mmh," he scolded, without breaking the kiss, and I let him continue his hot, forceful exploration for just a moment before I tensed every muscle in my body and, with one arching spring, flung him up and off of me.

He landed on the couch this time and it fared much as the chair before it, as the legs exploded off in four different directions, the back collapsed, and the seat was crushed under his body. In a split second I was on top of him again, this time with my hands wrapped around his wrists, crouched over his chest, and my ankles clamped firmly onto his hips. I looked into his dark eyes before leaning to press a sweet kiss against his firm mouth. "Don't underestimate me."

"I wouldn't dream of it," he promised sulkily, before his eyelids drooped, narrowing his black gaze at me. "What plans do you have for me now, Mrs. Cullen?"

I hummed speculatively before lowering my face to his again. Instead of kissing him, though, I parted my lips and dragged my tongue in a long, languid, possessive stroke over his mouth. The tip of my tongue caught the underside edge of his upper lip, pulling it up slightly into a half-snarl, and I hummed again as it allowed me shallow access to his mouth, along his gums and the perfectly-honed razor-sharp white teeth. He clenched his jaw, declining me any further entry, and I smiled against his lips at the challenge.

Our lovemaking was always passionate, regardless if it was tender or urgent, sweet or insistent. The deep, intense connection was always there each time we came together, but this was something new and raw between us. Even the first time we made love after my change didn't match the primal ferocity that was vibrating between us here now.

Edward moaned thickly as I suddenly ground myself against him, his arousal unyielding and oh-so-temptingly pressed against me. "If I let go of your wrists, will you be a good boy?" I whispered.

"No," he growled back immediately, pulling a little against the restraints I'd made of my hands. "If you let go of me I will flip you over, rip your clothes off, and fuck you until there are dents in the floor in the shape of your ass and my knees."

The heat that was already throbbing madly where I was grinding slowly against him exploded exponentially at his words. Although I loved sex with Edward in any way, shape, form, location, mood, and duration, I normally preferred it when he was dominating me. I loved seeing and feeling his body on top of mine, his fingers tugging at my hair to expose my throat, his unending worship of my lips and skin. Something about this new juxtaposition, though, was arousing me almost unbearably; holding him down, teasing him, driving him to the point of threatening exactly what he _would_ do to me if he _could_…

"Think how disappointed Esme would be, though, if she had to repair dents in the floor," I said innocently. "We've already broken a lot of the furniture."

He growled again, his eyes completely obsidian and more than slightly wild in their passion. "Damn it, Bella…"

"Promise me," I murmured seductively, leaning over his chest until my hair fell down around his face. "Promise me that you'll stop being emo-vamp, and I'll let you go. And then you can do whatever you want with me."

"I promise," he said immediately.

"Are you sure?" I purred, running my nose along his rigid jawline. I'd never felt as animalistic, as completely unrestrained as I did at that moment. "What if you're just saying that to trick me?"

"I may say or do a multitude of deviant things to you over the next few hours," he hissed, "But I will not lie to you."

I considered his words for a moment, and then smiled angelically. "That's fair enough, I suppose." I bent and pecked one last kiss on his furious lips and then, without giving him any warning, released my grip on him and almost simultaneously vaulted across the room, towards the front door.

Fast as I was, Edward would always be faster, and his arms wrapped around my waist like steel bands just as my hand closed around the doorknob. He pulled me backwards and the doorknob came with me, ripping out of the door with a cracking of wood and protesting shriek of metal.

"You," he said pointedly before twisting me around in his arms so that we were pressed chest-to-chest, "Are not going _anywhere_." He then took a step forward and my back was slammed against the door, pinning me there.

I groaned and my legs immediately curled up to wrap around his waist, he flexed his hips hard against me in response. "Bad Bella," he scolded, his hands already roaming over my curves. "Breaking all our furniture like that. I'm almost afraid to take you upstairs, in case you decide to break the bed too."

My hands slipped down and into the pockets of his jeans, and then ripped the denim completely away from his body in one savage movement. "Take me here, then."

"I think I will," he agreed, and dragged his hands up under my short dress, cupping my bottom, while I made sure his boxers met the same fate as his jeans. In the position he had us, it took only one quick push, and he thrust up hard into me, a movement that sent a shockwave throughout every nerve ending in my body. I screamed in delight as he immediately began pumping furiously into me.

My hands went up and fisted tightly in his hair, pulling hard, an action that seemed to spur him on. "Fuck yes, Bella, yes," he muttered thickly into my throat, before I felt his teeth begin biting none-too-gently along my neck. When he reached my scar, the place where he'd marked me, he licked at it slowly before fitting his teeth into the impressions they'd made before. I moaned helplessly as the overwhelmingly erotic sensation seemed to shoot straight down into the heart of me, where we were connected.

"Yes, yes, oh God…" were the only words I managed to get out as he tightened the pressure of his teeth, the pleasure seeming to increase proportionately with force he exerted. He growled softly and the vibrations made me shiver; I was already so close to climaxing.

One last hard pinch of his teeth into my neck, and then he released the grip, pressing his lips there instead. "Mine," he demanded. "Mine, my wife, my Bella."

We moved as one then, our faces coming together and lips crashing in the middle, a long hot kiss that tangled and fought, as he never ceased thrusting into me. He had me held to the door by the weight of his body alone, and his hands were everywhere at once, tearing my dress to shreds, knotting into my hair, hitching under my knees to change the angle of his penetration. The thick wooden door was creaking dangerously behind us, but he kept me fixed there, speeding up when he felt me begin to clench around him.

I was sure I screamed again when the climax hit me, but by that point I was so far lost in the primal frenzy he'd worked me into, I wouldn't have been able to repeat my own name. The burn was exquisite, almost liquid, as it slowly crept over my body, sending me soaring with only Edward holding me to the world. The part of me that was always aware of him heard his hoarse cry as he thrust desperately several more times, and then released inside of me, his head dropping forward to crash against the door, next to mine.

He panted for a moment, breaths that sounded more like moans, and then I felt the wood leave my back and air rush over my skin, although he never withdrew from inside me. He was laying me down as I opened my eyes, and then I smiled when I realized he'd settled us onto the flattened remains of the couch cushions. He smiled back weakly, his eyes slowly returning to their beautiful golden shade.

"Not that I'm complaining, mind you," he said after a moment. "But what exactly brought _that _on?"

"What?" I asked innocently, and he bent to run his lips over my face.

"You know what."

"This?" I queried, before tightening around him where he still lay hard and deep inside of me. His immediate moan was my answer. "I don't know, I guess I just kind of attacked you?"

He half-snorted. "Bella, look around you. We _destroyed_ our cottage."

I rolled my head back and looked around, and then giggled. Much of the furniture was in pieces, but luckily the bookcase and piano seemed to have avoided harm. "Just the furniture."

"And the door," he pointed out. He kissed my scar again, his actions now as gentle as they'd been fierce before. "I didn't know you were such a wildcat."

"Neither did I," I admitted, before sighing happily when his lips slipped back up to meet mine. It was peaceful and sweet, calm was back between us now.

"I liked it," he said after some time. "But really Bella, throwing me through a chair?"

I giggled, and I could feel him laughing softly too. "I'm sorry about that. I don't know, I just had to get your attention somehow. You just get so _fixated_ on things sometimes, it's hard to snap you out of it. And I meant business, by the way. No more of that _I don't deserve you_ bullshit. If you didn't deserve me, I wouldn't be here, because fate put us right here, right now."

He pulled back his face just enough to meet my eyes, and then brushed a lock of hair back from my forehead. "On the broken couch?"

"Yes."

His eyes studied me for a moment before he responded. "I was an asshole. I just… I love you so much, Bella."

"I love you too. I'll never stop telling you that, even when we're mad and fighting, and then having angry make-up sex."

"I don't think the sex itself was angry," he pointed out, before moving his hips enough to slide slightly out and then back into me. "Just growly."

"Growly," I agreed, and then whimpered a little as he pulled and pushed again. "And now we're both ready for round two."

Kiss followed kiss as he made love to me sweetly, slowly, stroking and kissing me reverently. I arched into his touch, aching for the spiritual connection that was always the most tangible when he loved me like this. I opened my eyes to meet his, seeing the raw depth of feelings there, emotions that I knew were reflected back equally in mine. There was nothing in the world I wouldn't do for him, to assure him that he deserved every second of our time together, every moment of joy and happiness. I wanted nothing more than for him to feel safe and cherished, to know exactly how deeply intertwined he was with my being.

And as before, the moment that the thought flickered through my mind, there was the briefest sheen and Edward was inside my shield.

He could feel it as soon as it happened, and gasped, going completely rigid for a second. "Bella…"

"Shh," I hushed him, before running my fingers over his beautiful face. "Just love me. And let me show you how much I love you too."

He began moving slowly again, but the look on his face almost destroyed me, there was such joy reflected there. "Bella it's… it's almost like being back inside your mind again. Oh God, I can feel it, I can feel you… it's like I can feel you wrapped around my soul."

"Love me," I urged him again, before pulling his face down to mine. He kissed me with a fervor made all the more pure by this new connection. I was melting into him, pulling him inside me, knowing that I could protect him, and the reassurance of it released me from every last worry that had been holding me down. For the first time, we made love as though we truly had all the time in the world.

xoxo

**A/N:** Hmm...well, I'm not gonna condone Bella tossing her husband through the furniture, but I guess that's one way to snap a vamp out of his emo-mood!

So you tell me...do you think Bella is right to have this sense of urgency, this need to learn how to protect her family? Or is she pushing herself too hard, too fast, and could it backfire on her? Gotta love our overachieving vamp-Bella. Our..._wildcat _overachieving vamp-Bella... *ahem* RAWR!

FYI - My twin Brits23 and I have officially launched Masterperv Theatre, a collection of o/s stories, random plot bunnies, crackfic randomness, and other fun stuff. There are links to it on both our profiles, and the first o/s is already up. If you happen to be a fan of Carlisle, you might just wanna run over there NOW. If it were up to Brits and I, it would just be a collection of Carlisle o/s stories, but we promise to diversify for our Team Edward loveys!

THANK YOU to all of you who leave reviews, they are the fuel that writers run on! THANK YOU to the super-beta Stratan for his extra work on this chapter. And THANK YOU to the ladies who cheer me on through GChat and Twitter, I lurve you!


	22. Chapter 22

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and its characters. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**All original characters, plots, and the storyline contained within this derivative work are the property of Lazykate. This story may not be reproduced or reposted without permission from the author.**

**xoxoxo**

_Just in case you missed it, I wrote an almost-completely-canon one-shot exploring that surprisingly-hot scene between Carlisle and Bella in _New Moon_ (you know which one I'm talking about). It's called _Wayfarer's Night Song_ and you can find it by clicking on my profile. If you'd like to know when I publish any other standalone stories, just add me to your Author Alerts. Okay, on with the story!_

**xoxoxo**

**Chapter Twenty-Two**

Because he and Rosalie were leaving that evening for British Columbia, Emmett began dropping several not-so-subtle hints about starting my gradual desensitization to humans. He claimed that it was because the family would need him there in case I "went rabid," but truthfully I think he was secretly worried about missing out on any of the potential fun. Not that Emmett _wanted_ to see me lose control, but he certainly didn't want to hear about it second-hand either.

So with Carlisle's approval, Jasper's watchful eye, Emmett's bulk, and my Edward's encouraging smile to support me, we found ourselves waiting in the woods just out of sight of the main highway that ran closest to our home. It was an early Monday morning, and Edward assured me that there would be enough cars going by to present a challenge, but not so many that it would be overwhelming to me.

I huddled back against the thick spruce tree that I'd willed myself to stay attached to, almost dazed by the smells and sounds that drifted to me across the snow. I hadn't been so close to the highway since my change, and there was just so much to take in: the unpleasant scents of asphalt and exhaust; the high-pitched whine and then roars of the engines as cars and trucks flew past us; the noise of stereos and snippets of conversations. Woven amongst all of it, though, was the scent of the humans in those cars, and the blood that coursed through their veins.

If Edward had told me beforehand that I'd be able to smell a human's blood from sixty feet away as the car encasing their fragile body flew by at seventy miles an hour, I wouldn't have believed him. Of course vampires' senses were amplified, I was aware of that, but those had inevitable limits, and I would never have believed that even a newborn's keen hunting instincts could have picked out that delectable aroma from amongst all the other sensory noise. I would have been wrong.

Unlike my previous encounter with a human, though, I was genuinely surprised to find this temptation was manageable. The scents were fainter, although no less appealing, but they called to me in a more seductive manner, as opposed to an overwhelming one. It was intoxicating and fascinating; I wanted it badly, but at no point did I feel the urge to lunge towards the highway and cause an accident just to get at the people in those cars.

"Well, this is boring as hell," Emmett complained after a few hours. They'd gathered around my spot under the spruce, none of them as tense or guarded as they'd all been earlier. With each passing car, I inhaled deeply, letting the lovely faint human scent bathe my lungs, forcing myself to become accustomed to it even as I tried to get my brain to associate it with revulsion. So far I hadn't been _that_ successful, but even the growing familiarity gave me hope.

Jasper smiled faintly; evidently Alice had given him her vision of his day before we'd even ventured out. "Serves you right for thinking you'd get a free show, Emmett."

"He's just mad because he was such a pain in the ass his first few years," Edward added, rubbing his thumb over my hand, clasped tightly in his own. "I'm amazed Rosalie thought you were worth it, considering how much she hates to move, and how often we had to because of your slip-ups."

"Not fair, that was _ages_ ago," Emmett objected. He and his two brothers continued their friendly verbal sparring even as another car flew past, and I quickly inhaled the scents it left behind. Cigarette smoke, ugh.

Absentmindedly, I made an effort to shield first Emmett, and then Jasper, and failed with both again. Out of respect for Edward's concern, I had substantially cut back on my efforts to manipulate my shield, but still worked on it sporadically throughout the day. The only change I could discern was that it was easier to zero in on whomever I was trying to shield, to sense their proximity to me, to see where they were with my mind and not just my eyes.

Ever since shielding Edward while we made love, however, I'd been encasing him in it more often than not. I knew it made him happy, he knew it caused no additional strain on me, and in a small way it was like recapturing what we'd lost in my change. He still couldn't read my mind, but in our most intimate moments, as I was shielding him, he swore that his awareness of me was amplified in every other way possible.

"It was almost like I could feel you inside of me," he'd said softly, after the first time. "Not so much that we were combined, but that you had me completely wrapped up in you. You could have taken away all my other senses and I still would have known you were there."

"But you couldn't read my mind?"

He'd shook his head slowly, then gently reached out to stroke my face. "No, but it was better. Being in your mind was so perfect, but this… this felt like _you_ were inside _mine_. I can't think of a better way to explain it right now."

We hadn't shared our new revelation with anyone else in the family, mutually agreeing that it was too personal of a detail and not relevant enough to mention. It was enough that the two of us felt it.

"Well, can't we at least drive to town and back or something?" Emmett's voice broke into my thoughts. "I bet you'd like that, huh Bella? Get out for once, go for a ride in the car?"

"You're making me sound like a dog, Emmett," I replied, my attention only half on him. Another car drove by, and this one had the window slightly cracked open, allowing a stronger wave of the rich, warm scent to float across the frigid air to me. Venom immediately began pooling more thickly in my mouth, and I gripped Edward's hand tightly. He squeezed it back and smiled at me.

"Nah, although if you started chasing the cars I would say you were acting like one. It's just… nothing is going to happen here, so it's a waste of time."

"How do you feel, Bella?" Jasper inquired, and I turned to smile faintly at him. He hadn't been able to sense or influence my emotions at all since my change, since my shield was up all the time. "I feel…okay. Thirsty. But it's manageable right now."

"I don't think we should push it," Edward said cautiously.

"Emmett might be right, though," Jasper mused. "She's obviously handling this fine; she's acknowledging the temptation without giving in to it. We could take Carlisle's car and you two could sit in the back with her. We've got to start some time."

I could feel Edward tensing beside me, ready to object, and I squeezed his hand again. "I think Jasper has a point," I whispered.

"Hell yeah!" Emmett whooped. "Let's go get the car and go!"

Jasper cocked his head and then grinned. "No need, evidently Alice agrees with us."

We all heard it then too, the smooth purr of Carlisle's Mercedes as it wound its way quickly down the drive. Within a moment, it stopped close by, and Alice rolled down the window. "I'm going too!" she sang, "And I get to drive!"

"You all need to stop treating this like a field trip," Edward grumbled as Jasper chuckled and made his way around to the front passenger door. Emmett hopped into the back without hesitation, leaving just Edward and I on the driveway.

"Stop worrying," I told him softly, before leaning up to kiss his lips. "I'll be okay. We already know I'll be okay."

"When it comes to you, Bella, I will never stop worrying, but yes, you're right. Just remember to…" He stopped and then shook his head, laughing a little. "I sound like an overprotective mother, don't I?"

"A little. But it shows that you care."

He took a deep breath. "Well, in that case, let's get going." He opened the rear door and allowed me to slide in beside Emmett, who took up more than his share of the backseat. Edward slammed the door behind us and Alice immediately gunned the engine, pulling out onto the highway and flying towards town.

It was a strangely ordinary scene; Jasper was fiddling with the radio as Alice laughingly warned him about changing Carlisle's pre-set stations, and Emmett was leaning forward to comment on the music. Edward sat quietly beside me, holding my hand and rubbing it gently. It was like a faint echo of a scene from my human life, but despite the normalcy, I couldn't help the flutter of anxiety that began rattling in my chest.

I hadn't been in a car since arriving in Alaska a month and a half ago, but the last time I'd been in this very same spot, I'd been suffering excruciating pain that ran through every inch of my body. The memory of it came roaring back to me then: Carlisle's terse words, Edward's arms holding me tight. I remembered staring unblinking out the window, watching the trees whip by in a blur of green, desperately searching for anything to distract me from the pain. I'd looked at the interior roof for hours, gripped the leather seat that sat under me now, and the whole time I'd been burning.

"Bella, what's wrong?" Edward's voice was low, but urgent, and the babble of the other three vampires immediately stopped.

"I… I don't want to be in here," I whispered, my anxiety slowly starting to grow into panic.

"We can turn around… just tell me what's wrong!"

I couldn't verbalize it, though; my reaction was so strange and unfamiliar. I'd adapted easily enough to the lack of physical response we had to most things; vampires simply didn't have the same bodies or systems as humans. If we still had some form of endorphins or adrenaline, they didn't affect us the same way.

Emotionally, however, everything had been amplified in my change. I felt love, lust, anger, protectiveness, and anxiety in a much more keen and powerful sense. And although my heart could no longer pound and I couldn't break out into a sweat as alarm gripped me more tightly, the emotion of it affected me just as forcefully. It was as though my fight or flight instinct was kicking into overdrive.

On some level, ridiculous as it was, I was having a visceral reaction to being in this car, in the backseat where I'd spent hours in agony, feeling my body die in Edward's arms. I was boxed in, I couldn't escape, and in my panic, I was ready to claw a hole through the roof or punch my way out through the back window, just to get _away_.

"Alice, pull over," Edward snapped, pulling me out of the car before it had even fully stopped. The moment I was outside of the car, back in the crisp clean air, I went completely rigid in a desperate attempt to get myself under control.

"Bella…" Edward's soft voice was pleading with me, and I gave him the only answer I could understand myself.

"I… I can't get back in there."

He stared at me a moment more, and then understanding slowly dawned over his face.

"What is it?" I heard Alice's voice, her little hand soothingly stroking my arm.

"Carlisle's car… the last time she was in it…"

"Oh," she said quietly. "I didn't even think of that."

"Neither did I," Edward replied, before wrapping me tightly in his arms. I buried my face in his neck, trying to will the panic away.

"I'm sorry… I…" My voice was muffled against his neck, but of course he heard every word.

"Don't be sorry, love. Vampires have very powerful reactions to certain stimuli, and that includes traumatic experiences. It's completely understandable that you would associate being in that car with…"

"Edward," Alice's voice was quiet and calm. "There's a car coming. Forty-five seconds or so."

"Bella?" Edward tipped my chin up and stared directly into my eyes. I was still frozen in some kind of state of vampire shock, trying to assimilate the fear that was only barely starting to lessen. "I can carry you into the woods, we can run home…"

"No," I said immediately. Although the feeling of his arms around me was comforting, the idea of him carrying me only reinforced the memory of being incapacitated by the pain…

Edward groaned softly. "Alice, can you tell…"

"She's too volatile right now, it's affecting all our futures. But the car is going to stop…"

I faintly heard car doors slam and then Emmett and Jasper were there too, and Emmett's thick arms were reaching out to wrap around me. I withdrew from him, snarling a little.

"Don't," Alice said immediately. "She's fighting to control herself, if you try and push her…"

We could all hear the faint sound of the car approaching now, and Edward pulled me back closer to his body. My limbs felt paralyzed, and I wanted to scream with frustration. Why couldn't I just run into the woods? Why had I growled at Emmett? What was wrong with me?

"Shh, Bella, you're okay," Edward murmured into my ear. "You'll be all right. I'll explain everything in a moment. For now, just hold your breath, and don't look directly at them."

I immediately sucked in a breath and held it, then pushed my face back into Edward's neck. One of his hands moved up to stroke the back of my head, while the other arm latched tightly around my waist. We all heard the whine of an engine as it slowly downshifted, and I felt the vibration shiver up from the road and into my legs as a car pulled up alongside us, then a squeaking hum as the window rolled down.

"You having car trouble?" The voice was friendly and cheerful, but with it came a puff of warmth that caressed my skin. I still held my breath, but I couldn't block out the sound of two heartbeats, the blood whooshing through veins in the most delicious of noises. I trembled a little and felt Edward's arm tighten around my waist.

"No car trouble," Alice chirped, sounding remarkably at ease. "Our friend got carsick and we had to pull over. But thank you for stopping."

"Oh my, where are your coats?" Another voice, distinctly maternal and concerned. "You all are going to freeze!"

"They're in the car. We had to stop suddenly, just a minute or so ago. Don't worry, we're going to turn around and go home, I think."

"Are you sure? I hate to leave you all out here if you need any help…"

"We're sure," Alice assured him. "We live close by, but thank you for your concern, and for stopping. Edward, why don't you help Bella back into the car?"

I tensed the moment she said the words, but Edward was already whispering to me, too low and quick for the humans to make out. "We won't get in, love, just pretend that we are, so they'll leave. They're concerned."

With the gentle pressure of his arm around my back, I forced my feet to move, and took tiny steps that were more like a broken shuffle. I heard Alice telling the humans goodbye and the car pull away, and I finally allowed myself one deep breath. The scent and the warmth were still there around us, and almost immediately my vision began to tint red. A faint growl of frustration tore from my lips, and in a split second I wrenched out of Edward's arms and was running, down the highway for a few hundred yards, and then plunging into the forest.

I could hear footsteps behind me, and I knew at least one set had to be Edward's, but I couldn't make myself stop. I felt completely out of control, as though my mind and body were operating under orders from someone else, and it terrified me. There was too much, all at once, and it was all too overwhelming for me to process at the moment.

I don't know how long I ran before I finally felt Edward's hand catch mine. He didn't pull or try to stop me, though, just continued silently running alongside me. He was simply there, holding me, supporting me, just as he always did.

That thought was what finally cut me in two, and I stopped abruptly, and then slowly crumpled to the ground. Edward's arms were immediately around me, pulling me tightly against him, rocking me almost like a child. I was sobbing tearlessly, still wrenched in a thousand different directions by emotions I didn't understand and couldn't get a grasp on long enough to even recognize them for what they were.

"What's _wrong_ with me?" I cried.

"There's nothing wrong with you, love," he replied immediately, his voice firm.

"Why can't I be normal? I don't understand…"

"Bella, believe it or not, you're acting more like a 'normal' newborn now than you have since your change. Do you understand now why we've all been amazed at how calm, how grounded you are? Too many things happened all at once, and you reacted exactly as any other newborn would."

"I hate this, oh God, I hate feeling this way, but I don't… I don't hate you… oh God…" I could hear myself babbling, but once again it was as though someone else's brain had taken over completely.

"I know, love, I know." He kept rocking me, pressing hard kisses against my head. "Just let it out, get it all out, and you'll feel better, I promise."

Edward had never broken a promise to me, and I desperately grasped onto that. I kept weeping into his neck, although the sensation of crying without tears was utterly bizarre and only added to my confusion. We sat for a long time until my shaking began to ease.

"Tell me what happened to me." Even my voice didn't sound like my own, too small and far away.

"You had a completely understandable reaction to being back in Carlisle's car," Edward replied gently. "The last time you'd seen it, you'd just been in a horrific accident, and were in the excruciating process of your change. We may not be human, but we do have emotions and emotional responses. Vampires' reactions to danger, or to a situation that was traumatic, can be especially drastic."

"Why couldn't I run away?"

"We've all seen it happen before. I suppose it's our version of going into shock. You went right from a panic reaction to the pressure of knowing that two humans were coming close enough for you to kill. Your brain short-circuited for a moment, for lack of a better term."

I nodded against him, that was a very apt description of how I'd felt.

"Just because we have higher and faster brain function than human beings doesn't mean we're infallible, love. If you were to suddenly announce to me that you were pregnant, for example, I'm sure I'd go into shock."

I choked out a little laugh against his neck. "Yes. It just seems so irrational, though, being afraid of a _car_."

He kept rocking me for a moment before he spoke again. "Emmett was petrified of bears for a long time, did you know that?"

I sat up a little and looked at him, a ray of surprise making its way into my brain. "Really?"

"Yes, and he'll probably be mad that I told you, but he'll just have to get over it. Emmett was being mauled to death by a bear when Rosalie found him, and he was conscious the entire time, even up to when she was carrying him back to Carlisle. It was a very traumatic experience, to say the least, and the first time he saw a bear after his change, he had much the same response as you did. Now he just manifests it by preferring them as prey."

I took a deep breath, feeling a little less ashamed of my earlier reaction. "I felt like I wasn't in control of myself anymore."

"In some ways you weren't. We're more governed by our instincts than humans, remember? Newborn instincts are all about self-preservation, and you were trying to protect yourself, yet at the same time you had the presence of mind to resist the humans. You will never cease to amaze me, my love."

I squeezed my eyes shut and curled more tightly into him. "I guess I failed the desensitization test, huh?"

"Not at all. You passed with flying colors. I wonder exactly how differently the morning would have turned out if Alice had chosen my car, or Emmett's Jeep. I know Alice saw us driving through town and then later getting home fine. Your reaction to Carlisle's car couldn't have been foreseen."

We were quiet again for a while before he broke the silence. "I want to take you away from here, Bella. I love being here with our family, and I know you do too, but I think some time for just the two of us is in order. Time away from pressure and worry, away from the feeling that you're being observed or studied. Just the two of us, a newly-married couple enjoying time together alone."

"Okay," I whispered. The idea of leaving the rest of the family made me sad, but the prospect of being alone with Edward and having no obligations or worries was incredibly appealing.

Edward gently traced the tip of his finger over my lips, love evident in the gesture. "I've already spoken with Carlisle and Esme about the island off Brazil, and they've loaned it to us for as long as we'd like it, with their blessings. Carlisle thinks we can arrange private jet flights the entire way, with a minimum of human interaction. There will be some, of course, but we can bring along some animal blood in case you need it."

I couldn't help but smile at the idea. "Can you really do that? Carry-on blood?"

"Sure, Jasper always does in the rare event that he flies, since it's more difficult for him to be in that environment."

"When?"

"Whenever you want, love. Emmett or Jasper might come along with us on the trip there, just in case, but then it will be just you and I, for as long as we want."

"Irina is coming tomorrow morning," I reminded him, and I felt him chuckle under me.

"Well, we'll need at least a week or so to plan. But I'll have Esme notify the caretaker crew to open up and clean the house. They'll come out once a week or so while we're there."

"Okay." I sighed against him again, and then straightened up a little, feeling more like myself. "Where are the others?"

"They followed you too, but they left when you stopped. Alice could see my future, and knew that you would be okay."

"Where are we?"

"Just outside of Wasilla." His words were light.

I blinked in surprise, and then tilted my head back to take in the air surrounding us. He was right: it was faint, but the scent of humans and human habitation was stronger and more concentrated here. I felt the burn begin in my throat, but again it was tempting, not overwhelming. "You aren't worried?"

Edward shook his head. "It's a fine line, Bella… I don't want to place undue pressure on you when I tell you that you don't give yourself enough credit, or that you are the most controlled newborn any of us have ever seen. But at the same time, you _are_. You shouldn't feel as though you have to constantly work on something you've already achieved. And your strength earlier was truly an eye-opener for me."

"That doesn't mean you'll let your guard down though, right?" I asked cautiously.

"No love, as long as you promise to do the same thing for me, should I ever need it."

I took a deep breath again, sifting through the different scents that bombarded me. Some were pleasant, some made me thirsty, and some smelled downright revolting. "How far are we from town?"

"Not even a mile."

"How close can we get?"

His golden eyes studied me for a moment, but there was nothing but calm confidence in them. "As close as you feel you can, or should."

"Can we go _into_ town?"

"If you think you can. It looks like it will be overcast all day." The absolute trust in his voice shook me for a moment, but I reminded myself that he would never let me try if he genuinely thought I couldn't do it.

"Let's just see how close I can get, okay?"

"Okay," he said simply, before standing with me still in his arms.

"Edward?"

"Yes, love?"

"Is this a crazy idea?"

He threw his head back and laughed. "Jasper would probably think so, but I'm starting to think that all the planning and build-up and anticipation make it harder than it would be for _you_ otherwise. I trust you. If you feel your control is starting to be tested too strongly, we'll turn around and leave. It's as simple as that."

"Uh-huh," I muttered, appreciating his confidence. He finally set me on my feet and then cupped my face in his hands, kissing me firmly.

"Keep in mind that neither of us is dressed for the weather, though, so we'll either have to go buy some appropriate-looking outerwear, or stay just out of sight."

"All right… I guess we'll just play it by ear?"

He reached down to capture my hand in his and we began walking in the direction of the town, as casually as though we were on a leisurely stroll. In no time we had arrived where the treeline of the forest broke onto one of the main roads, and Edward looked down at me, his crooked grin making me feel a little braver. "Doing okay?"

I nodded, and then cautiously took a deep breath. The scents roared into my nose and throat; a million different pieces of sensory input at once, all that was warm and attractive about humans mixing with the less-appealing aspects of the town and civilization. I stood blinking, letting my brain assimilate and catalog every piece of information that bombarded it. The burn in my throat intensified, but it was still manageable. "I'm okay."

"Want to see the sights?"

I nodded slowly and Edward tugged my hand, leading us towards what appeared to be something of a small shopping district. Now I could see people as well as hear and smell them, and I ground my teeth together as venom flowed into my mouth again. People in cars, people hurrying to and fro in heavy winter coats, their heads bent against wind which I assumed must have been icy to their warm skin.

Luckily we didn't have to press too far in before Edward stopped in front of a small sporting goods and outfitters store. A brief memory flashed through my mind, _Newton's_, even as Edward spoke. "We need to get coats on, immediately, before we attract any attention. Would you like to come inside with me or wait out here? If you want to wait outside, you may want to go just out of view of the main street."

I gaped at him for a moment before collecting myself. The notion of being in an enclosed environment with humans was frightening, but the idea of being without Edward, my anchor, was more so. "I'll, um, come inside."

"Okay." He squeezed my hand again and led me to the front door, pulling it open for me to step through first. My death grip on his hand made it a little difficult to maneuver, but we managed. A bell on the door tinkled, announcing our presence, and I jumped.

"Remember to move slowly, Bella," Edward said in a low voice as a friendly-looking man approached us.

"Hiya folks, welcome to McAllister's. I sure hope you're gonna tell me you're in the market for a couple of heavy coats."

"We are," Edward said easily. "This is my wife's first visit to Wasilla, and she wanted to take a walk around the town, but we didn't bring our heavier jackets."

The man smiled at me, although I could tell he was taken slightly aback by my appearance. I gave him a tense close-mouthed smile in return, clenching my jaws together. Thanks to my regular and copious diet of animal blood, my eyes had faded to a very dark maroon, the red was only really visible if the light caught them just right, but I was sure I looked more than slightly odd in my stance and cool attitude. A little bit of red mist seemed to swirl around the man _Albert, his nametag says Albert_ and he smelled so good, his steadily-beating heart sounded even better, but I swallowed back the venom even as I shivered slightly.

"Well, let's get something for the lady first. Was there something specific you were looking for? A certain brand or style?"

"Umm," I replied uncertainly, somewhat muffled with my teeth still clenched together. "No?"

"Well, you look to be about my daughter's size, so let's start with that. What color would you like?"

"I like blue." This I managed to say with only my front teeth clenched together. His scent was becoming a little more tolerable, but I didn't dare completely relax.

"Blue would be lovely on you. Here, try this one on, and there's another one just over there I'm gonna grab for you…"

Edward helped me shrug into the coat and then spoke rapidly as Albert strode away. "You do remind him of his daughter. She's pregnant now with what's going to be his first grandchild. And he thinks you're extremely shy."

I nodded as Edward snuggled the coat around me and then zipped it up. I was glad that he had shared that information from Albert's mind, it made it easier to remember that although he was a human, he had a family, he had a life… just as I did. I managed to give him a slightly more genuine smile when he returned with another coat over his arm.

"Now that looks just lovely on you, ma'am."

"Bella." The word was out of my mouth before I even realized it. "You can call me Bella."

"Well, Bella, that blue suits you perfectly, just lovely. Would you like to try this one on as well?"

I took another careful breath. The red around him intensified, and then faded slightly, in time with his pulse. "Yes please."

"And you, sir, can start looking at the men's selection if you like, they're right over there."

I froze halfway through unzipping the jacket, but Edward gave my hand a confident squeeze and then relaxed his fingers. He wasn't pushing my hand away, he was giving me the option of letting go myself. For the briefest moment, I almost panicked, the red deepened, and the store seemed to contract around us. Then I looked up and saw Edward's golden eyes, and the unconditional encouragement in them.

_I can do this_, I told myself firmly, then slowly untangled my fingers from his. I immediately felt the loss of physical contact, and almost as a reflex, I pulled him into my shield. He sensed it and gave me a faint smile, then turned and began casually perusing the men's jacket selections.

"All right Bella, I'll just hold that one for you, and you try this one on."

Albert. I turned back to him, already unzipping the coat I wore the rest of the way. The burn in my throat was intensifying, but it was making me more anxious than anything else. I knew Edward wouldn't let me hurt or kill this man, but what if I tried, what if I…

"Bella, _calm down_, you're fine," came Edward's low voice, his back still to me. I gulped back another mouthful of venom and slipped into the new jacket, a paler blue with a more stylish tailored cut.

"I, um, I think I like this one," I murmured. "Edward?"

He turned and his immediate smile was my answer. "I like that one better too, love. Now all you need are a hat and gloves to match, and we'll be all set."

Albert led me over to that section of the small store, and I grew more nervous as the distance widened between Edward and I. As if he could feel it too, he finally plucked a heavy black coat off the rack and strolled easily over to where Albert was trying to interest me in knitted hats and mittens. I gave Edward a quick desperate look; my anxiety was building painfully, and the red in my vision wasn't fading in the slightest now.

"Oh my, we'd better get going!" Edward said smoothly, interrupting Albert's story about a woman in town who hand-knit all the wool items. "Let's just take those, and we'll be on our way."

"Sure enough," Albert replied amiably, scooping up the items that Edward indicated for both myself and him. We went up to the cash register where Albert offered me a pair of scissors to cut the tags off our purchases, and Edward handed him his black credit card. I was carefully trying to manipulate the scissors without breaking them when Albert let out a startled laugh.

"Cullen, huh?" He was staring at the front of Edward's credit card. "Any relation to the family that owns the Cullen Hunting Lodge up the road aways?"

"Yes," Edward said shortly. "That is our family."

"Oh, well I tell ya, there were a lot of folks disappointed to hear you wouldn't be renting it out anymore, myself included. Such a nice place, and a great caretaker and chef you had working for you. I had quite a few wonderful dinners there."

A slight bubble of hysterical laughter shook me, and I tried to fight it down. Edward grimaced slightly. "Yes, my family and I decided to move here to allow my wife to recuperate from a long illness. It will not be available to the public again in the foreseeable future, as we need our privacy for now. If you could spread the word, we'd sincerely appreciate it."

"Will do," Albert agreed. "Here's your card back, and your receipt. I'm sorry to hear you've been sick, Mrs. Cullen… ah, Bella. And I hope to see you both again, don't hesitate to stop in even just to say hi if you're in town, okay?"

"We will. Thank you," Edward said over his shoulder, already guiding me to the door. The moment we stepped outside I was dragging deep ragged breaths of fresh air into my lungs, trying to purge the red from my vision. The scent and sight of humans outdoors was nothing at all now compared to what I'd just gone through.

"Well," Edward drawled, tugging my knit hat onto my head and over my ears, "I'd say you passed _that_ test with remarkable aplomb, Mrs. Cullen."

"Wonderful dinners," I giggled, still feeling slightly hysterical.

"Yes, I hope he never comes to discover the irony of _that_ statement. How are you feeling?"

"I don't know… a lot of different things."

"Do you want to go home?"

"No!" I cast a quick look up and down the street we were on with interest, suddenly realizing how isolated Edward and I had been for the past month and a half. "I'm okay. I'll tell you if we need to go. But I don't think anything about being outside could be worse than that."

"Agreed." He flashed me a dazzling smile. "Shall we?"

We walked around exploring for the next two hours. Edward had been here many years before, of course, but the town had grown enormously since then. He mentioned that Anchorage was only about forty miles to the southwest, and that many of the town's residents commuted there on a daily basis.

We drew our fair share of surprised looks, and Edward explained quietly that not only were strangers unusual in town this time of year, our extraordinary appearances were catching attention as well. The people seemed to be friendly, however, and more than one person nodded or smiled as we passed them by.

I could feel myself becoming almost fatigued, however. Although dealing with the human scent was much easier in the open air, its appeal began to creep up over me again, and it became harder and harder for me to ignore. Knowing that I was approaching my limit, Edward guided us back towards the forest we'd emerged from. After we'd faded far enough back into the woods to be invisible to passers-by, he wrapped his arms around me and pushed me up against a tree, planting a firm kiss on my lips. "I'm so proud of you, love."

I blinked at him, feeling somewhat dazed. "I can't believe how _tired_ I feel. Not physically, but mentally, I'm almost exhausted."

"I know exactly what you mean," he reassured me, before pressing another kiss to my lips. "Now you know how I felt after every single class we had together. Restraining yourself from doing something that you are designed to do is emotionally draining, even for vampires."

"But I did it," I whispered, the enormity of what we'd done suddenly hitting me full-force.

"Yes, you did it, love. I figured you could. I think we both just needed to get away from the watchful eyes of the rest of our family. They have good intentions, and they don't want to see you hurt, but I think the end result was too much pressure."

"Yes," I agreed thoughtfully. "But I'm glad we left when we did."

"Me too."

"I ought to make you carry me."

He crooked an eyebrow at me. "Hop on, then."

"Are you serious?"

"Sure, why not? Just because you can run _almost_ as fast as me doesn't mean I wouldn't enjoy running with you wrapped around me."

"Ha," I scoffed, pushing him away. "Who beat who the last time we raced?"

He rolled his eyes. "Do you want a ride or not?"

I laughed, suddenly feeling much freer than I had in a long time. Edward pivoted and I hopped onto his back, wrapping my legs around his waist and my arms around his shoulders, leaving me free to caress his cheek with my lips as he flew effortlessly through the trees.

"I used to fantasize about carrying you like this, you know," he confessed after a moment.

"While I was still human?"

"Yes. I know it sounds crazy, but I loved the idea of running with you on my back. I only got to do it once, but I thoroughly enjoyed it."

"I'm enjoying it now," I murmured in his ear. "We can do this again any time. I like you carrying me."

"Would you like to leave for Isle Esme as soon as possible?" he asked, abruptly switching topics.

"Yes… I think I would. Sand and sun would be a nice change from snow and ice for now."

"Sand, sun, and isolation," he reminded me. "You could run around naked and sparkling all day long."

I couldn't help it, I laughed. "I think I would like that."

"I know I would," he retorted. "So I have you all to myself for the rest of the day and evening, then Irina is coming tomorrow, and then we'll start plans for relocating to Isle Esme."

"Don't say that out loud," I cautioned him. "All our plans have a mysterious way of getting screwed up at the last minute, remember?"

"Fine." He heaved out an exaggerated sigh. "Just do me a favor and be packed and ready to go by the end of the week, okay?"

I giggled and pressed my lips against his jaw again. By the time we arrived back home, he deliberately ignored the main house and went directly to our cottage. Esme had already repaired the doorknob and more furniture was on order, but Edward flew through the room and leapt up the stairs, I only loosened my grip on him when he eased me down onto the bed, his lips already descending to meet mine.

**xoxoxoxo**

Interminable hours later, Edward lazily ran his nose up and down along my jawline. "When is Irina due to arrive?"

"Umm, sometime this morning," I murmured in return, twisting my body closer to his. I almost wished that our cousin wasn't scheduled to visit, but at the same time I was looking forward to Irina's arrival. The quietest and least pushy of the three Denali sisters, Edward and I agreed that she would be the most ideal tutor for me when it came to my shield.

"I'm sure she'll go to the main house first," he breathed against my neck. "They can keep her entertained, we have plenty of time here…"

As always, I needed little to no persuasion, and it wasn't until several more hours later that Edward and I pulled reluctantly apart.

"Don't worry," Edward reassured me, after we shared a leisurely shower together and then began dressing. "She _loves_ debating history with Jasper. Evidently, they were living in New York during the Civil War and their North verses South discussions can get… heated."

"I'll remember to steer clear of that topic," I replied dryly, tugging on a snug white t-shirt. I caught Edward's eyes as he watched me slide the material down over my body and gave him a half-scowl. "Stop looking at me like that. It will make me want to rip everything back off again and say to hell with it."

"And the problem with that would be…?"

I huffed and he laughed, pulling on his own shirt. "Irina has the patience of a saint. I assure you, she'll have been fine waiting for us."

We ran up to the main house together, only to find the living room empty but for Esme, poring over a new book on architecture she'd ordered. She smiled as she looked up to see us hand-in-hand.

"I was wondering when the two of you would emerge. Alice told me your trip into town went well?"

I sank down onto the couch next to the woman I thought of as my adopted mother. "Yes, it wasn't easy or fun, but I would count it as a success."

She hummed happily. "You missed Rosalie and Emmett leaving, but they'll be back in three days. The car show Rosalie is so set on seeing only runs that long."

"Esme," I paused, suddenly shy. "Thank you for offering your island to us. I think a vacation like that is exactly what we need at the moment."

Esme smiled fondly, closing her book and reaching out her hand to me. "I'm glad, dear. I'm always happiest when all my family is together, around me, but sometimes we need time alone with our mates. The intensity is too much to be shared with others, from time to time."

"Yes, exactly," I said immediately. "I'll miss you, but I know I'll be all the more happy when we return."

She gave me a conspiratorial smile. "You ought to lean on Edward for an Isle Bella, you know."

I giggled and Edward chuckled softly too. "What an excellent Valentine's Day gift, Esme. Thank you for the idea."

We were all still laughing when Carlisle emerged from his study, a faintly-amused smile on his face as well. I could tell how happy it made him to see his family light-hearted and enjoying themselves, especially after how disastrously the previous day could have ended. "Hello Bella, Edward," he greeted us. "I'm surprised you aren't out practicing with Irina."

My smile faded a little as a stab of guilt hit me. "Is she here? We thought she'd have come inside, not waited for us to arrive."

Carlisle frowned. "We haven't seen her, but we assumed she'd just gone straight to your cottage. She was due to arrive this morning, wasn't she?"

As one, all four of our heads snapped to the grandfather clock that sat ticking stoically against the wall, showing that the time was exactly 1:54pm.

"We haven't seen her," Edward said slowly. "Maybe there was a change of plans? Alice?"

He didn't raise his voice at all, but of course Alice heard him and came bounding down the steps a few minutes later, her pretty face confused. Jasper was close behind her. "I don't know… I wasn't watching for her, but I don't see anything now."

"You don't see anything for her at all?" Carlisle asked immediately, and Alice's eyes took on a vacant expression, only to fade back into worry when she returned to us.

"No. I don't see anything."

"If it were anyone else…" Edward murmured, but Carlisle had already pulled his cell phone from his pocket, dialing Eleazar.

"What do you mean, if it were anyone else?" I whispered to Edward as we all listened to the faint ring of the phone on Eleazar's end.

"Irina is unfailingly punctual and reliable," he murmured back. "Tanya and Kate view time as much more flexible, and even Eleazar and Carmen are more relaxed about it. Irina runs like a clock, though. If she tells you that she will arrive at one o'clock, she arrives at one o'clock. There is no gray area for her when it comes to certain things, and time is one of them."

We all heard a click and then Eleazar's greeting as he answered Carlisle's call, and we were all completely silent for the conversation that ensued.

Irina had left their home early that morning, and should have arrived at our home hours ago. Eleazar's concern was transmitted almost physically through the little phone, and we all gravitated to stand around Carlisle while he continued his conversation. When it had concluded, he stood quietly for a moment, knowing we'd all heard every word.

"It's sunny today, and unseasonably warm, so perhaps she had to…" He stopped and shook his head, he knew as well as we did that for a vampire to have gone _missing_ was almost incomprehensible. "She was running, not driving. Eleazar and the others are going to come through the forest in this direction, and we'll start from here and meet them halfway… or sooner."

Without another word, the six of us moved immediately, and even as Edward and I followed Carlisle and Esme out the door, my mind was churning furiously. It _was_ a rare sunny day, had she come across a group of humans and had to take refuge in shadow until they passed? Had she somehow known that Edward and I were otherwise engaged and decided to delay her arrival? Or was there some other explanation altogether?

When we reached the treeline that marked the beginning of the forest on our property, Carlisle swung to face us. "Let's fan out, to cover more ground, but stay paired together. Don't go more than a mile from anyone else. Stay within hearing distance. Understood?"

Mutely, we all nodded. Carlisle's authority in the situation was absolutely unquestioned.

Esme and Carlisle broke off to the left, and Alice and Jasper to the right as we plunged into the forest, running fairly fast but with all our instincts keenly tuned to anything out of the ordinary among the trees.

"Edward," I whispered, hesitant to give voice to my fears, but feeling more afraid _not_ to. "What do you think could have happened?"

He shook his head, his stride not faltering. "I genuinely don't know, love. If it were anyone else, there could be a million answers. I could see Tanya or Kate deciding to sidetrack into town, or go hunt. But Irina? No. They tease her that her gift is reliability."

"You don't think she could be… hurt, do you?" I had to force the word out, it felt foreign and silly to say out loud.

Edward frowned. "I don't see how. The only thing I can think is about the sunlight… maybe she cut through a part of the park with more people…" I glanced at the brilliant refraction of the sun off his skin, knowing that mine was equally as bright. Yes, if Irina had somehow found herself unknowingly cornered by a group of humans, I could understand the need to hide for a time… but for hours? And in mid-January?

Edward and I didn't speak again, and from time to time I could hear or sense the other members of my family running near us before spreading back out again. We were drawing closer to what I had a vague idea was the halfway point between our home and the Denali coven's when we reached a more challenging piece of terrain. It wasn't difficult for Edward and I to scramble over and around the rocks, of course, but instead of running side by side, I found myself slightly ahead of him as we continued onward.

We'd just crested a slight hill when a strange odor I'd never encountered before stung my senses, and I wrinkled my nose against it. "What in the world is that…" The rest of my sentence never made it past my lips as I suddenly felt Edward's hand clamp down like a vise around my wrist, yanking me to an abrupt stop. I twisted in one movement to see him standing frozen, his head cocked slightly to the side as he often did when listening to someone's thoughts, his lips slightly parted.

What frightened me, though, were his eyes. His pupils were so dilated that the topaz was barely visible around the black center, the white was a stark ring around that. The last time I'd seen his eyes like that was as I lay dying in his arms, his venom racing through my veins. It was a look of terror.

"Bella," he whispered, his voice so low even I almost couldn't hear him. "Run."

"What?" I asked, nearly stumbling as he pulled me closer to him. As his hand on my wrist dragged me to his side, I half-turned, and saw a very curious sight.

Smoke, purplish-black smoke, rising up thinly from the forest below us, as though it were scattered and thinned by the tree branches it wove through. It was close enough that a faint puff of wind carried an eddy in our direction, and with it came the cloying sweet smell of burning incense.

"Run," he ordered me again, this time giving me a push back in the direction from which we'd come. "Home, now."

I didn't understand, but dread was settling heavy and thick in my throat. "I'm not going anywhere without you."

In a flash, his face was close to mine, his words hissed out from between clenched teeth. "Bella…if you have ever loved me, ever trusted me… _run_. As fast as you can. I'll be right behind you."

"No," I gasped, the idea of running from danger with him _behind_ me completely unacceptable. Edward's arm snapped around my waist and he was already moving, giving us the start I needed. My legs finally thawed and he lowered me enough to run on my own, pressed as close to him as I could be. Instinct completely took over as Edward's fear became my own, and we locked our hands together, both of us sprinting faster than we ever had before.

For behind us, just close enough that we could hear them, were heavy running footsteps.

Chasing us.


	23. Chapter 23

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and its characters. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**All original characters, plots, and the storyline contained within this derivative work are the property of Lazykate. This story may not be reproduced or reposted without permission from the author.**

**Chapter Twenty-Three**

Since my change, I'd had no reason to really fear anything. We were virtually indestructible, I was surrounded by a loving and vigilant family, and caution was in all things the Cullens did when interacting with the outside world.

I'd felt anxiety, I'd felt anger, I'd felt panic… but never before had I felt the stark terror that blistered through me at the moment.

Seeing Edward's eyes, feeling his grip locked on my hand as we rocketed through the forest, the sound of heavy thudding steps chasing us… all of these things awakened in me _fear_ for the first time, and with it, an automatic sense of self-preservation.

I'd pulled Edward into my shield around from the moment we both began to run, but even so, I could feel my physical body tensing, preparing to turn and defend myself and my mate should it become necessary. I didn't need to know what was chasing us, if it posed us a real threat, or if I would even be able to successfully defend us. None of that mattered. All that mattered was that I would fight to my last breath to protect _Edward_.

After a short time, the steps behind us began to fall further and further back, until I wasn't able to hear them any longer. "What…" I started to gasp, but Edward shook his head and pulled me on at the same rate, not speaking.

Trees kept whipping by us, and in my heightened sense of awareness, time did as well. In what seemed like mere minutes, I recognized the thinning forest, and then we burst into the clearing around our home. Edward had me up the back steps and inside the house, nearly ripping the door off its hinges, before I could even think to slow down. He slammed the door behind us and stood watching out the window, his eyes scanning the treeline.

"Where are the others?" I managed.

"I can hear Alice, she and Jasper are close. But I can't hear Carlisle or Esme…"

Just then, two blurs broke free from the forest and Edward threw the door open again to admit Alice and Jasper. Edward rounded on Alice immediately. "Carlisle? Esme?"

"I… I don't know," she whispered, her eyes wide. "I caught a brief vision of the smoke, and of you running, so we knew… but I can't see either of them right now."

Edward groaned faintly. "God, Alice, _please_…"

She went rigid except for a faint tremor that my human eyes would never have seen, her gaze going completely blank. Jasper placed an arm around her shoulders even as he began scanning the treeline through the windows, just as Edward had done. It wasn't until Alice returned to us with a gasp that he looked down at her.

"I can see them now, they're running," she said faintly. "Esme is hurt, Carlisle is…"

"Do we need to go after them?"

She shook her head slowly. "No, they're circling around. They'll be here in just a moment."

Jasper snarled quietly. "Edward, can you hear _them_? Are they close?"

"Not at the moment," Edward replied immediately, "But they're on their way. That much was clear."

At that, the breath that had frozen in my lungs released in one great whoosh. "Edward, tell me _now_. What's going on?"

He turned to look at me, clenching his jaw a few times before finally answering. "It's the wolves, Bella. I don't know how they found us, but they're here."

"The wolves," I repeated, dumbfounded. "They were chasing us…"

"Yes," he said tersely. "And they… they killed Irina."

Alice let out a little cry, and I felt my own grief well up immediately. Sweet, quiet Irina, gone. "_Why_?"

"I don't know… it all happened so quickly. When they're in wolf form, they have a group mindset which is very strange for me to read. Instead of one voice, one mind, there are many all in one. I heard it just before we saw the smoke…"

I started to ask a question, but then let it die on my lips when I realized that the purplish-black smoke we'd seen had been from Irina's funeral pyre. _The only way to kill a vampire is to tear it apart and burn the pieces_, Edward had told me once. Evidently, this was something the wolves were aware of as well.

A loud crash came from the front of the house, and then Carlisle and Esme appeared, his arm wrapped firmly around her waist, supporting most of her weight against his body. Esme's face was twisted in a grimace of pain that she quickly tried to hide as both Alice and I reached out for her. Carlisle didn't release his hold on her, but spoke immediately, looking at each of us in turn. "Is everyone else all right?"

"Yes, we're all fine. But they'll be here soon enough," Edward replied.

"Carlisle… let me go," Esme whispered, and her husband turned to face her, the full weight of his worry evident on his face.

"We've got her, Carlisle. It's okay," Alice said gently, and at Esme's nod, he reluctantly loosened his grip on her. Esme sagged into Alice's arms, and she and I helped her into a chair.

"What happened?" I asked as she sank down slowly.

"One of them caught us by surprise… got his teeth in my leg as we were turning to run. Carlisle managed to fight it off…" She grimaced in obvious pain. "It hurts, but it's healing. I'll be fine, don't worry."

"Don't worry?" I whispered in disbelief, beginning to shake with anger. "Esme…"

She gave me a fond, tired smile. "We heal very quickly, Bella, don't trouble yourself. The process is painful but the results are complete. Just let me rest, go stand by Edward now. Alice, you too. We all need to be prepared for what's to come."

The pain in her features didn't reassure me, my fury building at the injury done to the woman who was essentially my mother. Esme saw it and shook her head. "Bella… go. He needs your strength."

Alice gripped my arm then, and steered me back to where Carlisle, Edward, and Jasper were grouped tensely around the back door. Carlisle was just ending a call on his cell phone when we joined them, and his eyes flickered to us. "I've warned Eleazar and others to get out of the woods as quickly as possible, to get to the nearest town or populated area of the park. The wolves won't dare follow them there."

"Did you tell them about…?" Alice started hesitantly, and Carlisle shook his head.

"If I had, nothing would have kept them from going back after them and in the wolves' pack form, in the woods, they have the advantage. Edward, could you tell how many there are?"

"At least eleven," Edward replied slowly. "It was difficult to get a grasp on numbers when they share a group mindset."

_Eleven_…

Carlisle took a long deep breath. "They're coming here, you said?"

"I'm almost certain, yes. If nothing else, they'll track our scents here now."

"All right," Carlisle replied quietly. "In that case, we need to get out of here as soon as possible."

"Should we run or drive?" Jasper asked, and Carlisle's eyes flicked over to his injured wife.

"Drive. If we can get to town, to a populated area, they won't be able to follow us in that form. We'll at least be able to…"

"Carlisle," Edward interrupted, his voice suddenly low, "They're already here. I can hear them again now. We won't make it down the drive in a car before they'd be on us."

There was the briefest beat of silence before Jasper spoke. "We need to fan out in here, watch every angle they could approach from. I doubt they'll try to get into the house, that would put them at a disadvantage, but we can't be too sure."

"Agreed," Carlisle said immediately. "Alice, can you see…"

She shook her head, desperate frustration written all over her pretty face. "I can't see _anything_ right now, for any of us. It's like anything with their involvement punches holes in my vision."

Carlisle gave her a curt nod. "Fan out then, and give the alarm if you see any of them approaching the house. Keep your voices down, I don't think they can hear as well as we can, so we should be able to speak to each other. Don't provoke anything or leave the house. Let's wait and see what Edward can get from their minds before we act. Bella…"

He turned to me then, his jaw tense, his face showing nothing of the calm, compassionate man I'd grown to love like a father. This was truly Carlisle Cullen as a vampire, protecting his mate and his family, no matter the cost in life or blood to other creatures. "You are physically the strongest of all of us here now, but don't put too much faith in that. They know how to kill vampires, and two or more of them could easily kill any one of us."

I nodded, my throat dry. "What should I do?"

"Stay close to Edward, and do whatever he tells you to do. One thing you need to know… our venom is lethal to a werewolf. Do you understand me?"

Again, I nodded, and Carlisle turned away from me to his wife. "Esme…"

"I'll be fine," she said quietly. "It's almost healed now. Stop worrying about me, do what you need to do."

Alice and Jasper had already vanished to watch out the south and east facing windows, and Carlisle went to stand at one that faced west, positioning himself between the window and Esme. Edward tugged at my hand and we went back to the north-facing back door, watching the forest for any sign of movement.

"Edward," I said after a moment, keeping my voice low and fast as Carlisle had instructed us. "What are we going to do?"

"For now, wait. They don't know that I can hear their thoughts, so that's one advantage we have. It may be our greatest one."

"Should we call Emmett and Rosalie?" Jasper's voice came from the other side of the house, but we could all hear it clearly.

"No…" Carlisle said slowly. "Inside we have the advantage. If any of us were outside, they could be on us in a second. I don't want to bring Emmett and Rosalie into that situation. Edward, what were you able to hear?"

"They killed Irina," he said again, and continued over Esme's horrified gasp. "Although I think it was an accident in that she wasn't their primary target. They were closing in on us, and happened to cross her path. They caught our scent and began chasing us, but after Bella shielded us both they lost it. I think they followed yours, and Esme's."

"Do you know what their plan is?"

Edward's eyes stopped their scanning and fixated on one point in the trees. "They would have killed us if they'd caught us in the forest. They're following orders now, though, and waiting… they have an alpha that they obey without question. He's… I think we may have an answer sooner than we thought."

Just then I too saw movement amongst the trees, but the form that stepped out of the woods wasn't who or what I expected. A tall man, bound with muscle in brown skin, clad only in a pair of sweatpants.

"Sam!" I murmured in astonishment, the name coming automatically from the murky recesses of my human memories.

"Sam Uley," Edward confirmed. "He was there the night Carlisle and I met with the Quileutes."

Sam paused for a moment and looked over his shoulder, waiting until another upright form stepped out of the trees behind him. This time there was no doubt in my mind who had joined him; no matter what had transpired between the two of us, I would never forget the boy I'd thought of as my best friend, my brother. Jacob.

His face was as hard and blank as Sam's as the two of them strode across the clearing, stopping halfway between the woods and the house. It was a bold move, but I was sure the rest of the pack was still in wolf form and tensed to spring at any sign of aggression on our part.

There was a brief moment of silence as Sam regarded the house. "Cullens!" he finally shouted, his voice carrying clearly to our ears. "I've assumed this form to speak with your Carlisle, but know that any move to attack us will bring the rest of the pack out of the woods, and they will not hesitate to destroy you. We have things to discuss. Carlisle may bring one other with him. If you choose not to come out, we will set fire to the house and destroy you one by one as you flee."

Edward was already talking to Carlisle. "He's telling the truth, he does want to talk to you. But he also meant what he said about any sign of aggression being met equally on their part. And they are prepared to set the house on fire if we don't comply."

"What does he want to talk about?" Carlisle asked, already moving towards the door. Esme got up painfully from her chair and limped over to us, I put my arm around her waist and she leaned gratefully against me.

Edward hesitated. "I think you'll want to hear it from him. In any case, there's not enough time to explain."

Carlisle thought for a moment and then nodded. "Jasper will come out with me. Edward, I want you to stay here and monitor their thoughts. Speak to me if you need to, I'll be listening for you."

In a flash, Jasper and Alice were back in the room, and Carlisle's golden eyes slid over his family. "In the event that something goes wrong, run straight to Wasilla. The sooner we get to a populated area, the better." His gaze came back to rest on Esme, and for a moment, the torment and anger he was fighting back surfaced on his face.

"Don't worry," I said quickly. "I'll carry her if need be." Esme gave me a gentle squeeze.

Carlisle clenched his jaw, and then wrapped his hand around the doorknob. "We'll try our best to make this as non-confrontational as possible, but please… everyone, be careful." With that, he pulled the door open and strode out, Jasper close on his heels.

Edward shut the door behind them, and the four of us fell into a tense silence. Edward's brow was creased with concentration, listening to the Quileutes' thoughts as Carlisle and Jasper strode across the clearing. My gaze was locked on Jacob.

He looked even bigger than I remembered him, if that were possible, but there was more than that. My Jacob had a happiness that always lit his face, even when he wasn't smiling, a warmth and radiance that reminded me of the sun. It was as though he carried with him his own sense of internal joy, and it shone through in everything he did. I'd loved him so much. He had been my brother in every way, and in the fleeting moments when I'd thought of Forks and all that I'd left behind there, I genuinely grieved losing him.

This Jacob, however, was nothing like I remembered. His face was as blank and cold as slate, as though all the life had been drained out of it, leaving him void of the joy which had once radiated from him. I saw his fists clench as Carlisle and Jasper came closer, and a slight flicker of disgust crossed his face, but otherwise he appeared as emotionless as Sam.

Was this what the supernatural world had done to my best friend? Stolen away all that was happy and carefree and loving about him, leaving him a slave to a _pack_? The Jacob I had known would never have killed a stranger; would never have attacked Esme. At that thought I clamped my hand over my mouth to stifle a sob, and Esme hugged me tighter. "I know, I'm sorry Bella," she whispered quietly.

Carlisle came to a stop about ten feet away from Sam, Jasper hovering just over his right shoulder. Tension was trembling in all four men's bodies, and Carlisle finally broke the silence.

"Why have you attacked us?"

Sam regarded him icily. "We consider our treaty with the Cullens to be void."

"You have killed another of our kind, though."

"We never had a treaty with any leeches other than yours. Vampires are our enemies, and we deal with them accordingly."

"Surely you saw her eyes," Carlisle replied, and I could hear the effort it was taking for him to remain calm. "You had to know she posed no threat to any humans."

"It was irrelevant," came the harsh reply. "You are all a threat to humankind."

"You committed murder, without provocation!"

At Carlisle's words, Jacob barked out a short cold laugh, but Sam's hand snapped up sharply, commanding silence. "Murder is the reason we are here today, and the _only_ reason we haven't already set fire to your home, to flush you out and tear you all to pieces."

"What are you talking about?" Carlisle's voice had flattened back out again.

"The only reason I am speaking to you now is to give you one chance to tell us the truth. I believe, as do my brothers, that we already know the answer, but the elders demanded that we _try_ before we destroy your entire forsaken clan. We _know_ that you were somehow involved in Bella Swan's disappearance."

I froze, and Edward's hand snapped down to take mine even as Esme's arm tightened around me.

"Are you accusing us of being involved in her death?"

"Don't pretend you don't know what I'm talking about," Sam sneered back, his veneer cracking just a little. "Your _stink_ was all over and around her truck. And how convenient that her body was never found. Did you kill her and stage the accident? Or just take advantage of the situation after it had already occurred? If it were up to me, we would already be avenging her death, but the elders ordered us to find out if she's still alive, somewhere. Billy Black in particular still holds out hope that you haven't killed her yet, since it seemed to amuse you to keep her as a _pet_."

"We had nothing to do with Bella Swan's accident," Carlisle replied immediately. "Our treaty held for decades because we vowed never to harm a human. We would have been fools to have violated that."

Sam's lip curled up in disbelief. "Her friendship with you was known, she admitted it herself. And we have evidence that you had sucked her in more deeply than even she admitted. It's the only reason Billy Black insisted we try and find out if she was still alive. He clings to hope because she was like his daughter, and he would never forgive himself if he didn't try everything in his power to save her."

"What are you asking me?" Carlisle snapped. "We did not kill Bella Swan. What else can I tell you?"

Edward moaned softly next to me. "It's not going to matter, Carlisle," he said softly, knowing his father would hear him even over the distance that separated them. "Unless you produce a human Bella, they're going to attack us."

Sam was already speaking again. "Lies won't save you, bloodsucker. As I said, your stench was all over her truck. Who do you think found it before the police did? Who do you think picked up her mail, addressed to Bella _Cullen_, after her mother forgot to have it forwarded to her home in Florida? How long had you been planning all this? What did you do to her to convince her that you'd adopt her into your _family_? As I said, only Billy's hope that she's still alive has kept us from destroying you already."

"It seems to me that you've made up your mind already." Carlisle's words, although calm, stabbed fear directly into my heart. Esme, Edward, and Alice wore equally grim expressions, and we could all see Jasper's body tense and crouch slightly, ready to move at a moment's notice.

For his part, Sam shrugged slightly. "You're indirectly confirming what we already knew. Your kind was responsible for her death, and in the most insidious of ways. You lured her in, convinced her that you were _friends_, and then took advantage of her trust to murder her. It's not only a violation of the treaty, it's proof of what we've always known about your kind. We've been looking for you for a long time."

At his words, I found myself in motion before I even realized it. Moving at vampire speed, but with the utmost gentleness, I shifted Esme towards Alice even as I began to slip my hand out of Edward's. He turned down to look at me, and the tension in his face was replaced by surprise and then shock as he realized I intended to do. "Bella…_no_."

I looked up at him, hoping that my absolute love and trust in him was reflected in my eyes. In that moment more than any other, I wished he was still able to read my mind, to understand my decision, to accept that we were all doomed unless we grasped at the slimmest of chances, the most tenuous of hopes. In that moment I genuinely _understood_ a vampire's instinct to protect his or her mate, and that there was nothing I wouldn't do to assure his safety and survival. The wolves could tear me limb from limb for all I cared, as long as I knew he was safe.

The same instinct was foremost within him as well, though, and so I turned to Alice before he could protest again. "This will give everyone a chance to get away. While they're distracted by me, the three of you need to get to the highway, and then to Wasilla. This is the only chance we have, and you know it, Alice. Unless you want to watch Jasper being torn apart and burned in front of you, _do this_. This is our only chance."

Her face crumpled in pain before the truth of my words and her own fear for her mate out in the clearing, surrounded by wolves. "I understand."

"What?" Edward hissed, furious. "You can't do this!"

I ignored him for the moment. "Alice… take Esme to the front of the house and be ready to go. You can get to the highway, I think."

"_Bella_!" Edward snarled, genuine fury on his face now. "You can't think I'm going to let you go out there…"

I reached up and gently pressed my fingers to his lips. "This isn't a sacrifice, this is what we have to do. They want me. If you have ever loved me, if you have ever trusted me…" I saw sickened recognition flash in his eyes as I repeated his words from earlier. "Do this. Go. I will find you. I promise."

Despair tore his golden eyes to pieces at my words. "No. I won't leave you."

"Please, if you love me, please?" I begged softly, anxiously aware of the seconds that were ticking away from us. The knowledge that he was safe would ease my mind considerably in what was to come.

Edward snapped his head to Alice, his expression more feral than I'd ever seen. "Can you make it to the highway?"

Alice's eyes faded away for only a moment before they refocused, more resolute than before. "I think so."

"Go then, as soon as you know they're distracted. We'll find you there."

Alice's gave me one last despairing glance, obviously struggling with herself, and Esme started to speak.

"No, go, both of you," I interrupted, desperate for at least one plan to be solidified. "We'll find you there. _All_ of us."

Alice pulled a protesting Esme away, and my eyes swung to Edward, still mindful of the tense buzz of conversation outside. "You aren't going to go, are you?"

"Would you leave me?" was his immediate reply.

"No."

"There's your answer, then," he said simply. "What's your plan?"

"Just to provide a distraction." I exhaled slowly, turning to look out the windows again. The body language between the Quileutes and Carlisle and Jasper had grown even more hostile. "You and I are the fastest, and you said they lost our scent when I shielded you?"

"Yes."

"Carlisle is listening for you. Tell him we're providing a distraction, and for both of them to run the moment we have the wolves' attention."

Edward's eyes narrowed, but he repeated my words in a swift quiet hum. The stiffening of Carlisle's frame was the only indication he'd heard.

"Stay behind me," I whispered, putting my hand on the doorknob. "For the time being, don't give them any reason to fly off the handle. We've got to give Carlisle and Jasper an opportunity to get away."

"Bella…" Edward's voice was a harsh whisper and I turned back to meet the gaze of the man who _was_ my life. I loved him so much, there wasn't anything I wouldn't do for him or to protect him, but I knew and _understood_ that he would no more leave me than I would him. Only that understanding gave me strength in a moment when I finally realized that I might be leading us both to our deaths.

"I love you." Such simple words, but they were all I needed to say.

He reached out and wrapped his hand around the back of my neck, wrenching my face to his for once last kiss. "I love you," he whispered against my lips. "And I trust you."

"I know," were my last words to him, before I turned and pulled the door open.

From the moment we first stepped out the door, Edward firmly within my shield, complete silence fell over the yard. I felt all my senses shiver and stand on end, hyperaware of the danger that surrounded us. My eyes were on guard for any movement, and they focused immediately on the four in the clearing.

Sam's face registered complete surprise, but it was Jacob's that I watched as comprehension and then horror dawned slowly across his features. "Bella..." His lips formed the words, but no sound came from his throat.

As Edward and I approached, several deep snarls erupted from the woods and we both froze immediately. Sam's eyes flicked from me, to Carlisle, and then back to me again, obviously shocked over this new turn of events.

"Carlisle and Jasper should go back in the house, Sam," I called to them, still dozens of yards away. "I can speak for myself."

His expression tightened but he didn't appear to protest when Carlisle and Jasper began slowly backing away. Jacob, on the other hand, had started to shake slightly, his face contorting into an expression of rage.

When Carlisle and Jasper reached where Edward and I stood, I heard Edward's voice speak to them in a low hum. I began walking slowly forward, trying my best to convey no threat to the two men before me, hiding my wedding and engagement rings behind my clasped hands. Edward was behind me again almost immediately, and stayed close as we approached the Quileutes.

"Hello Sam, Jacob."

"Bella. I'm surprised to see you here… although, we never expected to see you in _this_ form."

"You wanted to know if I was alive and well. I may no longer be _alive_ by your definition, but I am well, and I am happy." An unearthly calm had settled over me, and the words came easily to my lips.

Jacob let out a strangled moan and Sam silenced him with another sharp gesture.

"The Cullens did this to you?"

"The Cullens saved me. The car accident was just that, an accident. They found me as I was dying, and changed me, at my request."

"At your request?" Incredulity was plain on his face.

"Yes." I wished that I had Edward's gift of reading minds, to know what might or might not be the best thing to say. Would it help or be disastrous if I told them about Edward and I? Would more or less detail hurt our case? I could only hope that Esme and Alice, and then Jasper and Carlisle had made it safely away.

"You _asked_ them to turn you into a filthy bloodsucker?" Sam's voice was remarkably level, but there was an unmistakable undercurrent of revulsion in it.

"Yes. This was my choice. You may consider the treaty void as a result, but you are not on Quileute land right now. You are on _our_ property, and you have killed one of our friends. You had no right…"

"The treaty is indeed void, and we consider _all_ vampires, regardless of their _location_, to be our enemy," Sam interrupted. There was a moment of silence as we regarded each other. It was surprising, but I felt absolutely no bloodlust towards either of them at all, despite the fact that they were in human form. The smell I'd noticed first in the woods was strong and sickening in my nose, and I had to physically keep myself from recoiling from the stench of it.

"How did you find us?" I finally asked, knowing that the question was irrelevant at this point, but hoping it would buy the rest of my family just a little more time.

Sam looked almost amused. "Your bloodsuckers aren't as clever or careful as you like to think they are. We knew they were involved somehow, but it wasn't until the memorial service, when your former boss came to pay her respects and mentioned your plans about moving to _Alaska_ that we had something else to go on. We'd have tracked them anywhere they went regardless, to avenge your death, but at least that gave us another clue."

I sifted quickly through dim human memories but couldn't remember what he was referring to. "There's nothing to be avenged, Sam. I'm where I want to be, and I'm happy here, with my family."

"We were your family," Jacob exploded suddenly. "We weren't good enough for you, Bella?"

"I can't have two families?" I deliberately softened my tone, not wanting to make the situation any tenser than it already was. Jacob started to reply, but Sam cut him off.

"You're not only dead to us now, Bella, you've aligned yourself with the enemy. You count yourself among them, and we will now consider you as such."

I could feel Edward tensing behind me, and knew that the standoff was coming to its inevitable breaking point. "Sam, Jacob… please, leave us in peace. We won't return to Forks, and you know we pose no threat to humans. I'm happy now. Even if you consider us enemies, we don't want this to end in bloodshed or death. Go back to La Push and tell the elders that."

Sam snorted in disbelief. "You really think that we would go back to La Push and tell Billy Black that the Cullens murdered you, turned you into an undead leech, and that we didn't do anything about it?"

I focused my eyes squarely on him. "You know we are capable of killing you too, Sam. We don't want that, we'll act only in self-defense."

"That's unfortunate for you, because we won't even wait for that. Now that we know where you are, we won't stop until each and every Cullen is a pile of ash."

I smiled sadly just as I felt Edward's hand lock around my wrist. "Goodbye, then."

The next few milliseconds were an explosion of movements, all simultaneous and from all directions. At my words, there was a shivering blur of violence before us, both Sam and Jacob seeming to explode from the inside out, their human bodies disappearing as fur and claws and angry white teeth emerged. From the woods on either side of us, at an unspoken command, several more enormous wolves burst out from the treeline, all heading directly towards us. And then I was flying as Edward yanked me backwards, pulling me out of the way just as Sam swiped at me with a paw that was larger than my head and tipped with huge claws. Edward dragged me up next to his body and then we were both running, dashing around the house and down the driveway.

The footsteps we'd heard chasing us before were nothing compared to the cacophony that seemed to shake the ground behind us now. Edward threaded his fingers through mine as we burst from the drive and onto the highway, then began flying even faster than before along the asphalt.

"What about…?" I gasped.

"We can't go into the woods, they're in the trees on both sides of us now."

"But if a car…"

"I don't know."

I remembered Edward telling me that there was twenty-eight miles of road between our home and Wasilla. Twenty-eight miles was a guarantee that we would pass cars between now and then, but with the wolves on either side, we couldn't duck into the woods for cover.

"Are we faster?" I asked Edward quickly, our strides never faltering.

"Yes, but we can't slow down, they're right behind us. And we can run faster on the road than through the trees."

"Can they see us?"

"No, but they know they have us boxed in."

"Can they _smell_ us?"

Edward didn't answer for a brief second. "I don't think so, no. One of Sam's thoughts was confusion that he could see and hear us when we came out of the house, but that we didn't _stink_ like Carlisle and Jasper."

I breathed a brief prayer of thankfulness, a slight ray of hope starting to grow inside of me. "Will you be able to tell if we get far enough away from them to be safe?"

"Yes, I think so."

"Okay."

"Bella, what…"

He didn't have time to finish his question, for at the same moment we both saw headlights, diffused and splintered through the trees in the early Alaskan twilight, crawling around a bend ahead. As fast as Edward and I were running, we'd be on them in a second.

I didn't allow myself to think, only act. I wrenched my hand free from Edward's grasp, wrapped my arm around his waist, and hoped that I still had enough newborn strength inside of me to save us both. One more stride to make sure I had a firm grasp on my husband and then I pushed every ounce of strength from my body into my legs, vaulting us upwards and off to the side, landing approximately thirty feet up into the lowest branches of a Sitka spruce.

We both automatically gained hand and footholds where we could, and then froze. I double and then triple-checked that he was safely inside my shield as the car flew by on the highway, so frighteningly close below. We could both hear the heavy footfalls of the wolves intent on their chase now, and I realized with even greater clarity than before that these could be the last moments of our lives.

My impromptu leap into the tree had resulted in us landing with Edward's back against the trunk and our chests pressed together, hands and feet grasping and easily supporting us on the thin sticky branches. Our faces were only a breath apart, and as a wolf ran by underneath us, Edward carefully leaned forward and pressed his mouth to mine.

Not for a kiss, though. His lips molded to mine and then moved silently: _I love you, my Bella_.

_I love you, too_.

The heavy footfalls were all around now, but they were slowing… and those that had gone past were stopping and turning around.

_My wife, my mate, my love_.

I couldn't even respond now as the padding of paws circled around us, thick snuffling noises and the sickening smell of wet dog heavy in the air. Careful not to move or make a sound, I kissed Edward with all the love in my body, vowing that if these were my last moments on earth, they would be spent with our bodies pressed together, his lips on mine. He kissed me back with equal intensity and then we pulled our lips barely apart, leaned our foreheads together, shut our eyes, and waited.

It seemed as though hours passed, although I knew realistically it was only a few minutes at the most. I didn't dare look down at the wolves below us, afraid that any small movement might draw their attention, but Edward opened his eyes at the same time I did, and there was a faint glimmer of hope in them. _Wait_, he mouthed.

Finally the heavy padding of paws began again, this time turning back to the direction we'd just come from. Neither of us moved for another few minutes, before Edward's entire body relaxed infinitesimally. "They knew they'd lost us," he finally whispered, "But they didn't know how. We just vanished to them, and they finally decided we must have somehow jumped onto or into the car that passed us.

I let out the breath I'd been holding for minutes. "Did they all go?"

"Yes, I'm almost certain of it."

I slowly pulled back from where I had him pinned against the tree. "Is it safe for us to run through the woods?"

"I think so, yes. Even if they turn around and come back, we'll have a big enough head start that we should make it to town before they can catch up with us."

At his words I looked down and then carefully dropped from my branch to the ground below, landing with the softest of thumps. A split second later, Edward joined me, and we began running through the woods, towards town.

"What about the others?" I ventured after a moment.

He shook his head. "I don't know. There wasn't anything in their group mind about having caught any of them, but we don't know if Carlisle and Jasper got out of the house in time. It was sheer luck that the wolves who were in the front of the house circled around to the back when you surprised Sam and Jacob."

I went cold at the idea of Carlisle and Jasper trapped in the house with the wolves circling around… and the wolves' threat about burning it down around us…

We didn't speak again until the faint but concentrated smell of human beings prompted a slight burn in my throat, but the bloodlust was inconsequential to me at that moment, and I pushed it aside easily. We slowed to a quick walk just before emerging from the trees.

I looked around quickly, searching for any sign or scent of our family, when Edward suddenly tugged on my hand. "This way."

Mindful that we were once again visibly underdressed for the weather, and that traffic was heavier as people began the trek home from work, we moved as quickly as we could without attracting undue attention. It appeared there was only one chain motel in town, and it was towards it and around the back that Edward led us.

Perhaps I shouldn't have been surprised at the sight of Alice waiting for us at one of the side entrances to the hotel, the type that could normally only be accessed with a key pass. Her face was considerably calmer than the last time I'd seen her.

"Everyone is here, we all made it okay," she said immediately, answering our unspoken question. "Esme is in worse shape than she or Carlisle let on, that _dog_ practically ripped her leg off, but she's healing okay now."

We slipped in the door behind her and she moved to the elevator. "We were all much more worried about you two, obviously. What happened?"

I shrugged, suddenly feeling strangely tired as the elevator doors slid open with a protesting squeal. "I tried to reason with them. They weren't interested."

"You outran them?"

"Not exactly," I said simply, and slumped against Edward. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder, and I leaned into it gratefully.

"Thanks to Bella's shielding ability and a bit of dumb luck with a car, we were able to hide until it was safe for us to run through the woods to get here."

Alice turned her solemn golden eyes on me. "You saved our lives, Bella, all of us."

I turned my head and pushed my face into Edward's neck instead of replying. Something akin to a delayed reaction seemed to be crawling through me, the last vestiges of what must pass for adrenaline making me shake slightly. Edward pressed a firm kiss to the top of my head as the elevator stopped and we stepped out onto the third floor.

Alice led the way down to what was probably one of the few suites in the hotel and slid the key card into the mechanical reader. She smiled wryly at us. "Luckily I had the presence of mind to grab my wallet before Esme and I took off." She held the door open as Edward and I slipped into the room, and I took in the scene in one glance.

It was bizarrely incongruous: the sight of a clean but slightly cheap-looking hotel room, Jasper standing guard by the one large window in the far wall, and Esme laying propped up in one of the two beds. She was wrapped firmly in Carlisle's arms and all three of them looked considerably relieved when they saw us.

"We're all right," Edward quickly reassured them. "We just had a close call in getting here."

Esme struggled slightly to sit up, worry still plain on her features, but Carlise held her fast in a rare show of vulnerability and concern. "Please be still… you'll heal faster if you just lie still."

Edward sank into a worn chair across from the bed, pulling me onto his lap, and Alice perched on the windowsill next to Jasper. No one spoke at first, all of us silently grateful that we'd made it this far.

"So what more do we know?" Carlisle finally asked, his eyes moving from Esme's face to Edward and I.

"From what they told us and what I read in Sam and Jacob's minds, along with the pack's thoughts, they've been looking for us for a while. They didn't believe for a moment that we weren't involved in the accident somehow, and they started looking for us almost immediately. Evidently, the memorial service at La Push was just for show. Bella's former boss attended and mentioned to one of them that Bella had been planning to move to Alaska."

Carlisle frowned. "What?"

"I don't remember that," I whispered, and Edward shook his head.

"It's all my fault. I should have remembered something like that, but I didn't… the first day we went back to your apartment, Bella, Lori came to visit. You told her that you wouldn't be able to work for her anymore and when she asked why, you said you were leaving town, and going to school in Juneau."

Lori… I had a very vague memory of my former boss, but I didn't remember the conversation in question. I was sure Edward remembered it word for word, though. "I'm sorry…"

"It's not your fault," Carlisle said calmly. "Go on, Edward."

"They inquired at the hospital and were told we were moving to Ithaca, and that a 'family emergency' had called you away sooner than expected. A few of them went to Ithaca first, as it seemed more likely, and spent much of December searching for us in New York. When they didn't turn up anything there, they decided to take a chance and search for us here too. They've been here for almost two weeks… when they didn't find anything in Juneau they spread out. Luckily they started their search much further north than they needed to. I don't think they expected to find us so close to civilization."

"Luckily for us… not so luckily for Irina," Esme said softly.

"Yes," Edward acknowledged, and then continued. "They thought we'd either killed Bella, or were hiding her away somewhere. Their plans were to avenge her death… they genuinely never expected to see that she was a vampire now. As it is though, they consider the treaty completely void, and the Bella they knew is dead to them. Our Bella is now counted among the enemy."

"Are they set on retribution, or do you think they'll go back to La Push?" Jasper asked tersely from the window. Edward shook his head.

"They made it very clear that they will not give up until they've destroyed all of us. The boundary line is irrelevant to them now."

Carlisle's face was impassive. "There is no reasoning with them?"

"No, Bella tried, and they would have listened to her before any of us. They phased and Sam…" I felt my husband shudder and I curled closer into him at the memory of a giant paw swiping at me, teeth snapping bare inches from my body as Edward yanked me backwards. "He… he tried to attack her just before we had a chance to run."

He took a moment to compose himself before speaking again. "Words weren't needed to convey their determination, Carlisle. We can only run and hide amongst humans for so long. And we can't do it forever."

Carlisle didn't reply immediately, instead laying his cheek against the top of Esme's head, obviously deep in thought. We all knew that it went against every fiber of Carlisle's being to consider wholesale slaughter, even for self-preservation, but we also knew that he was as fiercely protective of his mate and his family as any of us. "You don't think there's any other way?" he asked finally.

Edward shook his head.

"We'll have to take them out one by one, when they come into town," Jasper said quickly. "We can't chance going into the forest after them. We should have Rosalie and Emmett come back as soon as possible, to even up the numbers."

"No," Esme whispered almost inaudibly, and Carlisle agreed.

"I don't like the idea of calling them, only to bring them directly into danger. We should probably warn them against coming back, ask them to meet us somewhere…"

"What about the Denalis?" Edward asked quickly.

"Yes, they're in more danger right now than Rosalie and Emmett. We could enlist their help if need be."

Carlisle, Jasper, and Edward fell to discussing strategy, but it made me feel slightly ill to listen to them plan how they could best pick off the wolves, one by one. I understood all too well how Carlisle was feeling: my protective instincts were at their height, but still part of me cringed from planning the murder of a group that I'd once considered my adopted family. I was sure that I could and would kill in an instant if anyone posed a danger to Edward or myself, or to my family, but I loathed the idea of ambush.

I wriggled free from Edward's hands, getting up from his lap and crossing the room to crawl onto the bed next to Esme. She immediately reached out her hand to me.

"You're thinking about Jacob, aren't you?" she whispered.

"Yes. I can't help it."

"It's understandable." She winced a little and squeezed my hand. "If only it hadn't come to this."

"I wish I could just make him understand…" I said softly. The Jacob that I remembered would be furious, but he would never hurt or kill anyone, least of all me.

"Do you think he would listen to you?"

"Maybe, if Sam…" I froze, and then took a deep breath when I realized they had ceased all conversation and were concentrating on my words. "Jacob might listen to me. If Sam wasn't there, maybe he would listen?"

Edward was already shaking his head. "How would we get the two of you alone long enough for him to listen, love? And he's under orders from Sam, the entire pack is. Sam is the alpha, so to speak."

I shook my head, feeling surer with every passing second. "He would listen to me, I know he would."

"No." Edward's voice was determined, and I lifted my eyes to stare straight at him.

"Tell me the truth. What was _he _thinking, after he saw me?"

Edward scowled. "He was… horrified, angry, regretful. It caused him almost physical pain to see you."

"But did he want to hurt me?"

He hesitated for a moment, but then looked directly into my eyes, showing me the raw honesty there. "No, he didn't want to hurt you. He wanted to kill me, but he would have stopped Sam from touching you, if he could."

I swallowed hard. "I have to talk to him, then. If we can just find a way to tell him…"

"_No_, Bella," Edward said again. "They came here, the entire pack, to kill us all. Jacob is the only one who doesn't want to hurt _you_, but his will is subject to Sam's orders. You can't count on your previous friendship to keep you safe."

I stiffened slightly. "Aside from killing them all, what else can we do?"

"For the time being, we may have to relocate to Italy, close to Volterra," Carlisle murmured. "Our safety would be virtually assured there. And until we can organize the most… practical travel arrangements, we'll just have to stay in town. They won't dare expose themselves by attacking us here any more than we would."

"We'll need to hunt…" Alice said tentatively, and again all eyes turned to me. I knew that the rest of them could go up to two weeks or so without hunting, but I had been going at least every other day. I was the one they needed to be concerned about. I set my jaw determinedly.

"You don't have to worry about me." Even as I said the words, my eyes went to Edward's and he gave me a faint half-smile. I knew that he would make sure it was true, even if I ended up having to visit the local petting zoo… God forbid.

After every conceivable strategy and avenue had been discussed, I found myself back on Edward's lap, curled up in the shabby armchair. Carlisle and Esme were quiet, locked together in an easy silence that truly came from having known and loved each other for so long, while Alice maintained her position next to her ever-vigilant husband. I shut my eyes and leaned into Edward, breathing him in, trying my best not to panic.

As they occasionally did, a random memory from my human life flitted back into my mind unbidden.

_I was thirteen years old, and on one of my enforced vacations to visit Charlie back in Forks. I hated going there, hated all the rain and the green and the boredom, and unfortunately, Charlie took most of the brunt of my early-teenage angst. _

_Although he always took as much time as possible off work when I visited, there had been one day when he'd had to go in and deal with an armed home invasion… a rare event in sleepy little Forks. I'd been so self-centered and selfish that my only thoughts were for the trip to Port Angeles that we were supposed to take that day. It had been canceled because of the once-a-year type of crime that required the police chief's personal supervision._

_Charlie finally came home, hanging up his gun belt and toeing off his boots as he always did. I was sulking at the kitchen table._

"_Did you catch them?" I demanded, more interested in gory details than anything else. "The neighbors said the robbers killed someone."_

_Charlie sighed. "Don't listen to everything the neighbors tell you, Bells."_

_My pout deepened. I'd been dead-bored all day and wasn't in the mood for any of his put-offs. "You know, when I tell people back home that my dad is the Chief of Police, they always want to know if you've shot and killed anyone. So have you?"_

_He groaned slightly and cracked his neck. "There's nothing glamorous about it, get that into your head right now."_

"_Have you?"_

"_No."_

"Would_ you?" I was pushing it, I knew. Charlie preferred to leave all shop-talk at the station; he never liked to bring it home. A surprising flash of anger animated his face for a moment; Charlie rarely showed any kind of emotion._

"_Of course I would… but only if I had to. There's nothing noble or exciting about shooting or killing someone, Bella. I don't want to kill anyone, and I wouldn't be happy if I did."_

"_What would make you do it? I would do it if I had to." I was too young and naïve to recognize that I was on dangerous ground._

_Charlie gave me a black look. "To protect you, or anyone else I loved, or anyone who needed my protection, I would do it. But you will never know what it's like until you're in that situation. Would you be able to kill someone, to take a life? It's easier to say than to do, Bella. Understand that. You won't know exactly how you'll react unless the choice is staring you in the face, do you hear me? You don't know how hard it is to make that decision until the time for the decision has come."_

**xoxoxoxoxo**

**A/N**: Well, we all knew it was coming, and now the wolves are here. Whose plan do you favor: Jasper's round-em-up-and-kill-em-all strategy, Carlisle's thoughts about moving to Volterra, or Bella's hope for a less violent outcome?

If you were surprised to read that the wolves knew about burning vampires, go back and re-read Eclipse Chapter 11. It's in there, I promise. And mega kudos to those of you who correctly deduced that Bella's conversation with Lori back in Chapter Five would come back to haunt her!

Thanks to the super-beta, Stratan, for doing some brainstorming on this bad boy. Thank you SO very much to everyone for every single review, alert, and recommendation, as well as the encouragement you all provide! Don't forget you can follow me on Twitter as lazykatevamp, and you can come let me know your thoughts or ask questions in the Twilighted IDBiV thread...you can find a clickable link on my profile!_  
_


	24. Chapter 24

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and its characters. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**All original characters, plots, and the storyline contained within this derivative work are the property of Lazykate. This story may not be reproduced or reposted without permission from the author.**

_A/N #1: In case you haven't read it, I very strongly urge you to read the most recent outtake I wrote (click on my profile and then _IDBiV: Outtakes, Oneshots, Chapter Three_) before reading this update. Yes, it's Jacob's POV, but it's short and it will give you a LOT of insight into the next couple of chapters, along with more detail from certain moments earlier in Bella's life. Just trust me and read it first, pretty please?_

**Chapter Twenty-Four**

Whereas time had once sped up, now it seemed to move with excruciating slowness. Each time the red LED numbers on the cheap hotel alarm clock changed, I counted down seconds, one through sixty, for the next digital flick, another minute gone.

We spoke very little throughout the night. Carlisle called Rosalie and Emmett and convinced them not to return to Alaska. Emmett had been especially vehement in his desire to return and help protect his family, but in the end, Rosalie grudgingly agreed with Carlisle's logic and they made immediate plans to move further east into Canada, to wait for instructions on where we would be meeting them.

Esme had finally closed her eyes and relaxed after that conversation, and now she leaned easily into Carlisle, still sitting up on the bed. Jasper never once stirred from the window, his eyes the only thing moving back and forth as he searched unceasingly for any sign that the wolves would try and come after us in such a public place. Alice stood next to him all night, gently rubbing her hand over his back, her eyes going blank every few minutes as she kept trying to see any firm vision that would give us a hint of what to expect or do when day came again.

Edward and I stayed curled up together, me on his lap, in that shabby old armchair. I rested my head on his shoulder, my forehead against his neck, appreciating the feeling of his skin against mine, his arms surrounding my body. It was almost impossible to believe that only a few hours earlier, I'd thought we were facing the last few minutes of our too-short life together. We had the potential of eternity ahead of us; the thought of losing that was incomprehensible to me now.

I gently rubbed the locket he'd given me between my thumb and forefinger, lost in thought. I wore it all the time, although it was usually tucked safely away under my clothes, as I was afraid of losing it while hunting. I didn't need to open it to gain reassurance from the pictures within; the images were copied perfectly in my mind. The symbolism of carrying my parents so close to my heart, though, meant more than I would ever be able to explain in words.

As the hours ticked by, I wondered where the wolves had gone. Edward was listening for them, I knew, but he hadn't mentioned hearing them in the vicinity. Had they gone back to our home?

At that thought, my fingers froze on my locket, and I saw Edward's eyes flick to me as my movement ceased. It was petty to even consider, but I couldn't help but worry about their threat to burn down the house. Had they gone back to carry it out, to ensure we wouldn't have a home to return to? Would their frustration over not being able to reach us be released by obliterating all the tangible memories we had?

My journal… Edward's mementos of his human life… our family photos… they were all just _things_, but it made me ache to think of them being so easily destroyed. When the human memories began to fade in my mind, those _things_ would be the only link I had to remembering Bella Swan and the humans who had loved her.

I burrowed my face into Edward's neck, shame battling with my concern, and of course he sensed my distress. "What is it, love?" he whispered.

Shaking my head, I pulled him into my shield instead of answering. I couldn't worry out loud about material objects when the most important things in my life were surrounding me; it would be an insult to the family I loved so much. Edward sighed softly and pulled me tighter against him, resting his cheek on my hair.

When daylight finally began to streak the sky, Carlisle quietly broke the silence. "Alice, is it going to be sunny today?"

"No," she replied immediately, and I realized she must already have some insight into how parts of the day would go. "It'll be overcast all day."

"All right," Carlisle said slowly. "We can't let our guard down, but we'll probably be safe enough out in public during the day. We need to get to the airport in Anchorage, and for that, we'll need coats, money, and a vehicle. Esme and I will go out and get the coats so that we'll all be able to blend in during the day, then I'll take care of the rest. If there's anything any of you need, make sure you get it today, and then we'll drive to Anchorage in the middle of tomorrow morning's commute. The wolves may follow us, but they won't be able to attack us as long as we stay visible and in public at all times.

"It goes without saying, though, that none of us should ever be alone at any moment, or out of public view. It would only take a split second for them all to be on us if we gave them an opportunity, and I have no doubt they'll be waiting for one."

"So what is the long-term plan?" Jasper asked tensely, and Carlisle shook his head.

"For the moment, my concern is for our family's safety, and right now, we'll be safest as far away from them as we can get. If we go to Italy and they follow us even there, at least we'll have the Volturi to help us."

"I doubt the mutts have the resources to track us to Europe," Alice said disdainfully.

"That's what I'm hoping as well, but we can't allow ourselves to become complacent." Carlisle stood quickly, and immediately Esme was at his side. Her face showed no signs of the agony she'd suffered earlier, and I assumed that she was fully healed. "We'll be back shortly."

It was silent for a few minutes after their departure, and then Jasper spoke. "I don't like it… leaving them alive like this. Leaving your enemy alive means you spend the rest of your life looking over your shoulder. I'm not sure I want to do that."

"As much as I agree with you," Edward replied immediately, "The odds are not in our favor. Six vampires against eleven or more wolves… it's not worth it to risk losing any one of us."

"We could call Eleazar…"

Edward shook his head. "I don't think the wolves know about the Denalis, and if they all follow us out of Alaska, then they probably never will. It wouldn't be fair to introduce more of us to danger when right now they're relatively safe."

"It wasn't _fair_ what the wolves did to Irina either," Jasper pointed out.

"I know, believe me. But are you willing to take a chance on losing Alice, just to win the battle?"

Jasper's rigid face softened slightly as he looked down at his mate, before it tightened again. "Of course not. It just goes against the grain, running like this. They killed Irina, they almost killed Esme, and you said Sam tried to kill Bella."

Edward stiffened under me at the reminder. "Jasper, there's nothing I'd enjoy more than ripping Sam Uley limb from limb and burning each piece in front of him before tearing his throat out. But now isn't the right time for it. I'm not willing to risk losing my wife, or any other member of my family, by acting rashly. If the wolves continue to pose a threat, we'll ask for the Volturi's assistance. With their help we could wipe out every damn Quileute at La Push."

"No," I said immediately. "Please… don't talk about murdering innocents when it's a small group that we have to be concerned about."

"I agree with Bella," Alice said quietly. "Plus, just imagine the publicity if an entire community was mysteriously destroyed. People would notice if all the Quileutes disappeared. The Volturi would never agree to do that."

Jasper nodded reluctantly and then looked out the window again, pulling Alice tightly against him. I sighed and put my head back on Edward's shoulder, and none of us spoke again.

My own thoughts were in turmoil… I desperately needed to talk to Edward, but I wanted to do so privately. I wasn't accustomed to being unable to communicate with him immediately and openly, and I could feel myself becoming more and more agitated as I focused on the red LED of the bedside alarm clock again. Edward sensed the tension humming through my body and he began to gently stroke my hair, occasionally pressing a soft kiss against my head. It helped, but I was so on-edge that I was ready to stand up and rip the hotel room door off the hinges by the time Carlisle and Esme returned, loaded down with bags.

Carlisle quickly dispersed coats, a handful of cash, and a cheap pay-as-you-go cell phone to each of us; he had been the only one to have his with him when the time had come to flee. "We already programmed everyone's numbers into each one of those," he said calmly. "Hopefully we won't need to use them, but I want us to be able to be in contact at a moment's notice."

"Did you see or smell them?" Edward asked.

"No, not a trace."

His arms still around me, Edward stood up then before gently setting my feet on the floor. "Bella and I are going out for a bit. We'll stay in town, in public. I'll hear them if they try to approach us, but I truly doubt they'll do it with humans around."

"All right, be careful."

Edward nodded silently before reaching down to take my hand; we slipped out the door and were halfway down the hall before we remembered to shrug into our new coats. I felt a brief flicker of anxiety at leaving the rest of the family and stopped to look back, wondering if my need to talk to Edward was as important as maintaining our strength in numbers.

"It's okay," Edward said gently, putting his arm around me. "It's daytime, and in a somewhat-public place. We have the advantage over the wolves when they're forced to stay in human form, and they know it."

Reassured, I allowed him to guide me back down the hall, opting to go down the staircase instead of waiting for the elevator. When Edward paused on the landing, I looked over at him questioningly. The look in his eyes stopped me short, and in a split second I had my arms wrapped around him.

"What's wrong?" I whispered.

He didn't answer for a moment, instead burying his face in my hair and breathing deeply. I felt a slight tremor run through his body and realized that I hadn't been the only one hiding their emotions from the rest of the family all night.

"Bella," he finally said quietly. "I had too many hours to think, after we got here. I just keep seeing Sam clawing at you over and over in my mind… hearing his thoughts at the same time… fury and determination and _satisfaction_. He _wanted_ to kill you. And if I hadn't been fast enough…"

"But you were," I soothed him, my own anxiety forgotten in the need to comfort him. "I'm fine."

"No," he whispered, pulling back just enough to look down in my eyes. "You're not fine until you're safe, until all of us are safe. I won't go against Carlisle's decision, but if the situation arises, I _will_ kill any wolf that even _potentially_ poses a threat to you."

I swallowed hard, acknowledging that he knew I only cared about one wolf in particular. "I would do the same for you, Edward. No matter which one of them it was."

"Bella…" he moaned, and in the next moment his lips were pressed hard against mine. There was nothing romantic or even erotic about this kiss, though, it was a desperate plea for reassurance, to assure himself that I was there, that I was okay. I surrendered myself to his embrace, weaving my fingers into his hair, holding him tightly against me until his lips finally broke away and he lowered his forehead to my shoulder, taking in a long shuddering sigh. "I can't live without you," he finally whispered.

"I know."

"I agree with Jasper… I want to kill them all, to make sure there's no threat for us to ever worry about again. But Carlisle is right… it's not worth the risk of losing you. Our time will come."

"Yes," I said gently, and then slid my hands down to cup his face and force him to meet my gaze. His topaz eyes held so much anguish and frustration that it nearly broke my heart. "Come on, let's go. We need to talk."

He took another deep breath and then turned his head to kiss my palm where it still rested against his cheek. "Yes, let's go. I'll be listening for them… please, Bella, if I tell you to do something, will you trust me enough to do it immediately, no questions asked?"

"I will," I replied simply, knowing that he needed the assurance that I would keep myself out of harm's way.

"Okay." He kissed my palm again and then reached up to surround my hand with his. "Let's go."

We emerged from the stairwell and out the side door of the hotel, both of us automatically on alert for any sign of the Quileutes. After a moment's surveillance, Edward pulled me close to his side, still gripping my hand, and we proceeded at a normal human pace towards the main street.

"Edward… how did you know?" I queried after a few steps.

"Know what?"

"Know that I wanted to talk to you… privately."

He shrugged and gave me a small smile. "Partly because I could tell you needed me, and partly because I wanted to talk to you as well. There is a lot I don't mind saying in front of our family, but even more that I know you like to keep between us."

My chest throbbed warmly at his words; he knew me so exquisitely well, there were times I almost believed he _was_ reading my mind again. "Thank you," I murmured.

He rubbed his thumb over my hand. "In some ways, we haven't had a chance to decompress from everything that happened yesterday. Only you and I. I need that connection with you just as much as you need it from me."

"Yes," I breathed, grateful that he could so aptly put into words the feelings that were raging inside of me. I'd felt safe surrounded by our family, but I _needed_ time with just Edward. Escaping death not once but twice, the terror that I wouldn't be able to protect us both, the fear for my family… I hadn't truly released the anxiety from the day before, and knew I wouldn't until we discussed everything that had happened.

We walked in silence for another block before coming upon an old-fashioned diner, the type that all small towns have. "Fancy some breakfast, Mrs. Cullen?"

I wrinkled my nose against the thick greasy smells emanating from within, so unappetizing that it overpowered even the more tantalizing scent of the humans. "I doubt they'll have what we want, but this is probably as good and safe a place as any for us to be."

Edward chuckled and held the door open, and then we seated ourselves at the booth furthest away from any other customers. A waitress quickly dropped off two sticky plastic menus and poured us each a cup of coffee, promising to return and take our orders in a few minutes. I eyed the menu askance; even the thought of human food made me ill now.

"Can we actually _eat_ any of this?" I asked him quietly.

"Technically you could, yes. We can eat and drink, just like a human could eat dirt if they really had to."

I shuddered. "Then what?"

He smiled patiently. "Our bodies aren't able to digest anything but blood now. If you were to drink or eat any of this, it would just sit in your stomach until you… got rid of it later."

"Do you mean throw it up?"

"Yes," he confirmed, before grinning at my disgusted expression. "I don't think it would be a wise thing for you to attempt today, love, but at some point, you'll end up having to eat human food to blend in. Today you can just slip it into your napkin and then throw the napkin away before we leave."

The waitress returned just then, and I ordered the first breakfast special without even reading the description. Edward placed his own order and then handed over our menus. After the waitress walked away, we simultaneously reached across the table to each other, desperate to reclaim a physical connection. Our fingers wove together and we rested our hands in the middle of the table.

"I love you," Edward said after a moment, conveying more in that simple statement than if he'd spoken for an hour straight.

"I love you too. Are we… are we going to be okay? All of us?"

"I think so," he said slowly. "It will take some ducking and dodging on our parts for a little bit, but Carlisle's plan is a solid one. There's nothing the wolves can do to us in public, and we have the advantage of endless resources, as well as friends and shelter across the world. Carlisle is hoping they'll give up if we throw them off our trail long enough to get to Europe."

"To stay with the Volturi?"

Edward hesitated. "He isn't happy about the idea of going to the Volturi, actually. He recognizes that Volterra is probably the safest place for us to be, but he's concerned about taking you there."

"Why?"

"The Volturi are traditional vampires, Bella. They drink human blood. Carlisle doesn't want to expose you to such casual disregard for human life when you're still so young… newborns are notoriously impressionable."

I blinked, his words stung. "He thinks I'd give up you, and my family, just from being around traditional vampires?"

"No, of course not," Edward amended hastily. "But imagine being around human blood, with it being spilled and drunk as a part of daily life, treated as though it's a normal, proper thing. It would be a temptation to any of us, but an especially unfair strain on you. You don't need to struggle more than you already do."

I looked around the diner, feeling somewhat mollified. We had arrived after the breakfast rush and it was mostly empty, but even so the delightful scent of the few humans made my throat burn. I turned back to Edward, forcefully pushing the thought of _feeding_ away. "Carlisle knows them?"

"Yes, he lived with them for several decades. Intellectually, they enjoyed each others' company very much. The Volturi appreciate art, science, medicine… any new discoveries or endeavors are fascinating to them, and in that sense Carlisle became very good friends with them. But in the end he could no longer condone their lifestyle by remaining there."

"What are they like? Will I meet them?"

"Of course… they would consider it an insult if we moved so close and didn't pay them a visit. I've never met them myself, Carlisle will have to tell you more about them."

"They hate… wolves?"

Edward grinned wryly. "Passionately. Although their experience is with true werewolves, not Quileute shapeshifters. Not that it would make a difference if any of them showed up in Italy. They wouldn't even wait for a reason to kill them."

I thought about that for a moment. "Edward… why do the wolves hate _us_ so much? Why can't they leave us alone? Why don't they believe me when I tell them that I'm happy, that I'm where I want to be?"

He rubbed his thumb gently over my hand, clasped in his. "It's more than just you, Bella, or their anger at seeing you as a vampire. That is a powerful motivating factor for their actions, but it's not the only one. Their hatred for vampires is literally bred into their very being. We are their natural enemy, and no amount of explanation or rationalization can automatically eliminate that. It's why they killed Irina, without even knowing her. It's why they're willing to kill you, even as they claim the 'murder' of a human Bella Swan as the reason for their actions. Does that make sense?"

"I suppose it _should_, but it _doesn't_."

"I understand exactly what you mean," Edward said tiredly. "When we first encountered them, decades ago, there was no violence only because their chief at the time was a man of uncommon wisdom. I would go as far to say that Ephraim Black was the Quileute equivalent of Carlisle, and it's probably the only reason a truce was agreed upon in the first place."

"Ephraim… Black?" I repeated, shocked. "Jacob's great-grandfather?"

"The very same. Did he tell you about him?"

"Not really… only that he was the last chief of the Quileutes. It was something that Billy and Jacob were both proud of."

"And for good reason. He was a fair man, cautious and wary of us, of course, but he just wanted peace for his people. It's a trait I wish his descendants had inherited."

"Maybe they have," I murmured, thinking again about Jacob, wondering if there was any way I could talk to him, explain to him…

"The little of their history they shared with us at that time makes it a little easier to understand how such hatred could become an almost instinctual thing. Evidently a pair of vampires, or 'Cold Ones,' almost completely annihilated their tribe hundreds of years ago. Innocents and warriors alike were killed. It was the beginning of a completely antagonistic relationship, and we know that they killed at least a nomad or two even while we were there. Now that they consider the treaty dissolved, we are as fair game to them as any other vampire."

"So it's not just about me?" I asked, my heart sinking. I'd hoped to appeal to Jacob, make him understand that the Cullens had saved me, not destroyed me.

"At the most basic level, no. Although it is what keeps them pursuing us so relentlessly. They'd do the same if it had been any other member of the tribe who was killed, or changed."

At that moment the waitress came over and deposited heavy white plates in front of both of us. I looked down at the messy pile of greasy meat and runny eggs, hoping that my horror didn't show on my face. Edward laughed a little and picked up his fork. "Just push it around on your plate. If you don't, she'll assume something's wrong and come back over here."

I cringed, but followed Edward's example. "So… if we're leaving town in a hurry… what about all our things? If… if they didn't destroy everything after we left, that is."

"Don't worry, love, we've had to do this a few times before. There are specialty moving companies that will pack up everything for us and ship it anywhere in the world. If possible, Carlisle will come back and supervise. He'll be safe as long as he's surrounded by humans, that's the strongest advantage we have in this particular situation."

"It's safe to have strangers going through and packing your things?"

"Yes, it's not ideal, but it's why we're careful not to leave any damning evidence about our existence lying around in our homes. We have some cash and documents there, locked in a safe, but the majority of the most private things are in vaults and safe deposit boxes across the world."

"What about my journal?"

"Believe me, Bella, these people are paid handsomely for their discretion and their speed. They'll have no reason for looking closely at anything they pack for us."

I took a deep breath, still disconcerted about the idea of strangers touching the things that were so personal to us. "That's if _they_ didn't go back and burn the house down, I suppose."

Edward smiled sadly. "Yes. Now pretend to eat, love."

I jabbed my fork into the eggs a few more times. "I still don't understand why they won't listen. I mean, I _do_ understand what you've told me, but how can they condone murder without provocation? The Quileutes are good people, not barbarians."

"They don't consider us to be alive," he said simply. "We aren't human to them; they regard us as demons, a threat to all humans everywhere."

"But we aren't, and they know it!"

Edward set his fork down slowly; he'd done a much better job than I at pretending to eat. "If it helps you to understand, other vampires feel the same way about _them_. As far as we know, we're the only vampires to have ever formed a truce with a natural enemy. Any other vampire would kill them on sight, without provocation. I'm not saying it's right, Bella, but from a biological standpoint, it makes sense. Kill or be killed. Self-preservation above all things."

"Oh," was the only response I could manage.

"Granted, their anger about what they feel we did to you is what is keeping them so focused on us specifically, but it's greater than just that. Based on what I got from Sam Uley's mind, there is nothing we can say or do that will change his mind. This isn't Ephraim Black we're dealing with now."

"Edward, I…" I paused for a moment. "Do _you_ want to kill them?"

His jaw clenched and his eyes went hard. "Of course I do, Bella. I will kill anyone or anything that poses a threat to my family in general and my mate specifically. I wanted to kill Jacob Black and all of them from that first moment he put his hands on you and tried to take you back to La Push. Can't you understand that?"

"Of course I do," I hissed back immediately. "But you have to understand what is tearing me apart… I would do anything to protect you, I would die for you, I would kill for you. Unfortunately it's my former family who is posing that threat. My instincts are dictating one thing, but everything that's still human inside of me hurts to know that I would kill them for _any_ reason."

Edward's face softened. "There _is_ so much that is still human and beautiful in you, Bella. It's only one of the many reasons that I love you. And you're right… I _don't _understand what you're going through. I swore off taking human life decades ago, but I would do it without a second thought to protect you. I know you'd do the same, but the lives you would be taking aren't random strangers to _you_."

"Thank you," I said quietly. "I feel horrible even admitting that those thoughts have crossed my mind. But you don't doubt that I…"

"No, love," he interrupted. "I know how conflicted you're feeling, but I also know you'd fight to protect me to your last breath, just as I would for you. I've never doubted that for a second. Just promise me that you won't try to do anything on your own. Please, Bella, trust Carlisle in this. You can't count on your former relationship with Jacob to protect you, especially now that he's under an alpha's orders. He has no choice but to obey them."

"I promise," I said automatically.

Edward smiled at me and started to reply, but then the smile suddenly faded from his beautiful face as he snarled quietly and turned to look out the window. I followed his gaze.

There, standing across the street, were Sam and Jacob.

They had evidently acquired more clothing from somewhere, although they were still very obviously under-dressed for the frigid temperature. Sam's face was impassive, Jacob's expression was one of frustration.

"What are they doing here?" I whispered, automatically pulling Edward into my shield. "Can they hear us?"

"No, their sense of hearing isn't as acute as ours, especially when they've shifted back to their human bodies," he growled.

"What do they want?"

"Just what we knew they would… they're keeping tabs on us." Without taking his eyes from the two, Edward picked up his cell phone and quickly dialed. "Carlisle, Sam and Jacob are here, in human form. I don't doubt that they have someone watching the hotel as well, they may even be inside it. Be careful." He clicked the phone shut.

"What are they thinking?"

Edward paused for a moment. "Jacob is very angry… Sam evidently gave him an order that he doesn't want to follow. Sam is just thinking about what our plans are, trying to figure out what we're going to do. They're both surprised that we're so blatantly out in public like this. They hadn't expected that."

We both watched, frozen, until Sam spun around and walked quickly down the street, away from the diner. Jacob was close behind him.

"Can I get you two anything else today?" It was the waitress, I'd been so focused on Sam and Jacob that I hadn't even heard her approach, but half of the food on Edward's plate had vanished, and he gave her an easy smile. "Just the bill for us, please, my wife isn't as hungry as she thought she was."

I _was_ hungry, though, and I had to pull my eyes away from the waitress as she fumbled for the guest check in her apron pocket. My throat wasn't burning so uncontrollably that I felt I needed to leave immediately, but the fire seemed to be directly related to my anxiety, and seeing Sam and Jacob had definitely ignited that.

"Do you mind if we sit here a little while longer?" Edward turned the full force of his smile on the waitress now, and she blinked dazedly before replying.

"No… of course not. You're welcome to stay as long as you like."

"Thank you," he replied, handing the guest check back to her along with a large bill. "Keep the change, we appreciate it."

"Oh… um, anytime. Come back soon!" She backed away, a silly-looking grin plastered across her face.

"Edward!" I grumbled.

"Don't worry, love, you know that no one compares to you. I just didn't want her hovering around."

"I'm a very possessive vampire. I don't like to share."

"Neither do I." His eyes darkened a little. "I can't wait until we're away from here… when we can go back to _trying_ to be a blissfully-happy newlywed couple."

"I _am_ blissfully happy… just worried."

Edward studied me for a moment. "Are you thirsty?" he finally asked, and I frowned.

"Yes… it's not as bad as I thought it would be. I suppose there are too many other things on my mind right now. But being nervous makes it worse."

"That's understandable… your body will automatically crave what gives it strength if you're facing a stressful situation. Try not to worry… as silly as I know that sounds."

"I'll let you know if it gets bad. I just don't know what we'll do for hunting if it does get to that point."

Edward shoved our plates to the side and reached out for my hands again, the comfort of his touch immediately calmed me. "Carlisle will get blood from a hospital or a blood bank, if absolutely necessary. Neither of us want you to ever taste human blood, but we'd rather you have it that way than to lose control, especially after we get to Anchorage."

I shuddered slightly. "Is it that much harder to resist after you've had it once?"

His gaze was unwavering. "Yes. That's why we'd rather it not come to that."

My hand went unconsciously up to my neck, the burn felt like a very painful sore throat, but it wasn't excruciating just yet. "I think it would be easier for me to just hold off until we're safely out of town, then. Tanya said that my shield might help me to resist human blood, maybe I should start practicing that."

"Perhaps, but it won't make you infallible," he cautioned. "If it gets to be too much, you have to let me know. We'll find a zoo if absolute push comes to shove."

I eyed him suspiciously. "Have you ever…"

He chuckled. "Only once, many many years ago. It would be much more difficult now, with things like security cameras and such."

"Is this a story I want to hear?"

"It was Emmett's fault," he said quickly. "He used to put off hunting until the last second, because he and Rosalie were always so occupied with each other. We were living in New England at the time…" He stopped and his fingers went rigid in mine.

"What's wrong?" I asked immediately.

"You have got to be fucking kidding me," he muttered, just as I noticed a uniformed policeman heading directly towards our booth. His expression was cautious but resolute, and I could feel Edward stiffen even more as the officer stopped next to us.

"Bella Swan?"

I gave him a tight-lipped but polite smile. "My name is Bella _Cullen_. Is something wrong?"

"My name is Officer Davis, I'm following up on a report that was just made concerning you, ma'am. It's, ah, unusual, but we're required to check on it. We received a complaint on your behalf that you're being held against your will, and I need to determine if you're in need of assistance."

I blinked in shock and my mouth fell open involuntarily. "_What_?"

The officer gave me an apologetic look but didn't waver. "Are you currently in danger or being held against your will? Or would you like to discuss this matter in a more private setting?"

"No…this is…" I sputtered, before feeling the pressure of Edward's foot gently pressing down on mine, reminding me to remain calm. "I'm sorry, Officer, I'm just completely stunned by this. I'm not being held against my will by anyone. Who in the world told you that?"

"I can't release that information, ma'am. Are you certain you don't want to discuss this in private with me?" He gave Edward a long look, and I had to fight down a snarl.

"Officer, I can assure you that I am _not_ being held against my will, although I can tell you who filed a false report supposedly on my behalf. I'm sure their names were Sam Uley and Jacob Black. They have been harassing and following me and my family, because of a past relationship I had with them. _This_ man is my husband, and I can assure you that I'm definitely with him of my own free will."

I could tell we were attracting attention from the few patrons and employees in the diner now, but I was too angry to care. "Bella," Edward cautioned, too low for the officer to hear.

"If that's your statement, Mrs. Cullen, I'll have to take it. Do you have any ID on you right now?"

"No, I don't. Officer, my father was the chief of police in my hometown, I know I'm not under investigation here, but I _am_ concerned that the two men stalking me have gone to these lengths to continue harassing my family. Isn't it illegal for them to have knowingly filed a false police report?"

"They seemed to be acting out of a genuine concern for your wellbeing, not necessarily maliciously."

"Believe me when I tell you it was malicious!" The pressure of Edward's foot on mine increased and I took a deep breath. "If it takes me having to file a restraining order against them, I'll do it."

"You're within your rights to do so, Mrs. Cullen. I'll advise them that I followed up on their report, and in the meantime, I suggest you try and stay as far from them as possible."

"Trust me, we try to," I said from between clenched teeth. Officer Davis retrieved a card from his pocket.

"If for any reason you need the assistance of law enforcement, you can dial 911 or you can call the Wasilla Police Department directly at this number." He glanced at Edward again, and then I saw his gaze flicker down to the wedding rings on our hands. "I'll also advise the complainants to maintain their distance from you, if you like."

"Yes please, we would appreciate that," Edward broke in smoothly. "My wife has been put under a great deal of stress due to their behavior. It's gone as far as attempting to break into our home, following us around town, and threatening me."

Officer Davis pursed his lips. "Is your family the Cullens who owns the hunting lodge outside of town?"

"Yes."

He nodded slowly. "I'll pass on what you've told me to the other officers. Mrs. Cullen, if their behavior is as you've described it, please do consider filing a restraining order. I thought their report was… odd… but we are required to follow up on all of them."

"I appreciate that," I replied tersely. "I'm sorry that they wasted your time for it, though."

He shook his head. "We never view it as wasted time. Please call us if you continue to have problems with them, otherwise we'll consider this matter closed."

"Thank you, sir." We both watched as the officer turned and strode out of the diner, nodding to a couple of the patrons on his way.

I finally turned to meet Edward's eyes. "Did that just actually happen? Did that really and truly just happen? What in the hell were they hoping to accomplish?"

He frowned. "I don't know… to try and separate us, maybe, or to distract us long enough to drop our guard? Or maybe just as harassment, to remind us that they're still watching us?"

"I was hoping he'd arrest both of them and throw them in jail," I said, gritting my teeth. "This is insane."

"We have to be aware now too that he may tell Sam and Jacob to leave you and your _husband_ alone," Edward pointed out.

"I don't care, I hope he does. We can't live our lives like this, Edward! They can't get at us one way, so they come at us in another!"

"Shh," he said gently. "Soon we don't have to worry about them at all, remember?"

I dragged in a deep shuddering breath. "Let's get out of here. Let's go sit in the park. I don't care if it's freezing out there."

"You don't want to go back to the hotel?"

"No, not yet. I just want to be alone with you. I don't want to be around anyone else right now." I could feel my emotions starting to boil over, newborn frustration taking over my rational side.

Edward stood almost too quickly, and held out his hand to me, then helped me to shrug back into my coat. We made our way outside again, both of us pausing to check for any sign of Jacob and Sam. When we could neither see nor smell them, Edward snuggled me against his side and we set off for the park. I breathed in the crisp clean air, trying to calm down from the utter absurdity that we'd just gone through. We'd both been worried about supernatural wolf attacks; instead they'd called the police on us. It would have been laughable if it weren't maddening.

Due to the cold, the park was completely deserted and we settled on a bench, somewhat isolated but still within easy view of the street and a good distance from a thick stand of trees. I knew Edward was listening vigilantly for any of the wolves, but neither of us wanted to take any chances.

"Now you know why I wanted to take you to Isle Esme so badly," Edward said softly after a moment. "There are times when I don't want to be around anyone other than you; when I don't want to talk to anyone but you; want to share every second of the day only with you. There are times when I just can't get enough of you: making love to you; kissing you; just looking at you."

"That's exactly how I feel right now," I breathed. "I'm so tired of all this… I want it to be just you and me for a while, before we have to come back to the real world. I want our happily-ever-after. Is that too much to ask for?"

"Evidently, it is for you and I," he replied dryly, before placing a soft kiss against my temple. "Fate just keeps getting in our way. Know what I miss?"

"What?"

"Well, with the exception that I prefer your body impermeable and unbreakable now, I miss those few weeks we had in your apartment. We were living in the most idyllic little bubble then; our biggest worry was whether or not you'd have the energy to get up and go to class after making love all night long."

I smiled and felt some of the tension melt away from my body. "I miss having you all to myself during the week, but still getting to visit your family on the weekends."

"I miss taking you to our meadow."

"I miss you cooking for me."

"I miss that enormous box of La Perla underwear." We both laughed at that. It was one thing Alice hadn't packed up in advance, and it had been left behind.

"I ought to order more; since you prefer me to go _without_ anything under my clothes, it hadn't even crossed my mind."

He hummed in pleasure. "Yes, please do. I miss taking it off of you every evening and kissing every inch of your body along the way."

"Do you miss me being human?"

Edward paused and seriously considered my question for a moment. "In all honesty… no. I miss the time we had together then, but I'm happy you're immortal and indestructible now. I can make love to you without worrying that I'll hurt you."

"What's your favorite memory of my human life?"

He thought again. "The day that you married me. Followed very closely by the night of the Halloween party. But definitely our wedding day, it was the culmination of everything I'd been waiting on for over a century."

I smiled and reached up to touch his cheek. "That's my favorite memory too. It's remarkably clear in my mind, actually."

"And what came after that…"

"Yes," I whispered, then tilted my head back for his kiss, warm and loving against my lips. He pressed several more gentle kisses over my face, before tensing and then growling a little.

"Jacob is coming."

I jerked upright and looked over my shoulder, making sure Edward was enclosed in my shield. Sure enough, Jacob was striding resolutely towards us, and I was immediately on my feet, Edward beside me, putting his arm protectively in front of my body. "What do you want, Jacob?"

My former best friend paused about ten feet away, the tension in his jaw giving away the frustration that was quivering through him. "What _I_ want, bloodsucker, is to tear you into pieces."

"Jacob…" I whispered, and his dark eyes swung coldly to me before returning to Edward.

"So… Mr. and Mrs. Cullen, huh? When did that happen? Before or after you killed her?"

"Say what you came to say, and then get away from us," Edward snapped.

"Oh, I have plenty to say to you, believe me, but I'm under orders to deliver a message. Sam has a compromise for you."

"Tell Sam he can go to hell."

"This is the one and only time he's offering, bloodsucker. I wouldn't turn it down if I were you."

"When did he decide he wanted to negotiate with us? Did he have a change of heart after he tried to kill my _wife_?"

I saw Jacob flinch at the word. "Believe me, he still wants to kill you. We all want to kill you. But we know you're planning on taking off, and none of us like the idea of spending the next ten years chasing you around the world."

"You expect us to believe that?" Edward's voice was flat, and I wondered what he was hearing in Jacob's mind.

"You can take it or leave it."

"Why didn't Sam come to us himself?"

"Maybe I wanted to talk to Bella."

Edward tensed. "Again, you should have thought of that before your pack of mutts attacked our family."

Jacob's flint-like eyes narrowed. "This doesn't mean peace between us. We have no desire to renew the treaty with you, but there's no point in continuing to chase you when we know you have the advantage on us. Our terms are non-negotiable."

"And those are…?" Edward asked icily.

"We don't want you anywhere on the western half of this continent. We'll return to Washington as soon as you leave, but if you cross our path again, we will deal with you just as we would any other vampires. You have twenty-four hours to get out of here."

"You're claiming a rather large territory that you have no real right to."

"We're claiming it nevertheless. You can have the entire rest of the world."

"Thank you for your generosity," Edward said sarcastically. "Is there anything else you want to share with us?"

"You have five minutes to decide, and then I'll be back for your answer. If you're not here, just know that we'll catch up to you eventually, and there won't be any talking then."

"Jacob…" I gasped, but he gave me one last hard look, turned and walked away without looking back. I swung to face Edward then. "What…"

Edward's cell phone was ringing and he answered it without looking at me. "Alice… yes, we're fine. Yes, they've been trying to get to us, but everything is okay. We'll be back soon." He snapped his phone shut and then took a deep breath before turning to look at me.

"I read his mind, love. He was replaying his conversation with Sam practically verbatim in his head, to keep from saying something he'd regret. Sam's offer is genuine. Like Jacob said, they don't want to spend their lives trying to track us down, leaving La Push unprotected, and they know we have greater resources than they do."

"Sam's a liar," I said immediately.

"He can't lie to Jacob. They share a group mind, remember? Sam might think he could get away with lying to us, but he _knows_ he can't lie to another wolf."

"Why did he send Jacob instead of coming himself?"

He smiled grimly. "Because he knew that _you_ at least would be less likely to kill that particular messenger."

I hesitated, my instinctual suspicion battling with the desire to be done with the wolves. "This seems almost too easy."

"I know," Edward said softly. "But Jacob wasn't lying. We're in a public place, and we'll stay here. We won't go anywhere with him, and he knows we have the advantage over him in human form."

"Should we call Carlisle?"

"We don't want to give the impression that we're ganging up on him. I don't hear or sense any of the others, and you and I are stronger than Jacob is. He wouldn't dare phase in public. And don't forget what Carlisle told you: our venom is lethal to them even in human form."

"If you're sure…"

He lifted a hand to run gently along my cheekbone. "I don't want to spend the rest of eternity looking over our shoulders, love. Remember, they don't know that I'm able to read their minds. Jacob's thoughts were very straightforward: he could barely stand to look at you; he wanted to kill me; but the compulsion of the order he'd been given overrode everything else. He wasn't lying. I can deal with living only the in eastern half of North America if it means our safety and peace of mind."

"I can't believe I'm about to say this," I replied slowly, "But I think you're being entirely too trusting."

"You're the one who wanted to try and talk to Jacob." He gave me a half-smile.

"Yes." I was silent for a long moment. "If you're sure they mean it, and that Carlisle and the others will agree with it too, then let's accept their offer."

"All right. I'll know in an instant if he changes his mind, or if it's a trap. If they do, run straight back to the main street of town."

"I will."

"He's coming," he warned me quietly, and I followed his gaze to see Jacob striding toward us again. He stopped a few yards away and stood silently, glaring at us.

"We accept your terms," Edward finally said. "As high-handed and arrogant as they may be. We'll require longer than twenty-four hours for arranging to move all our possessions, but then we'll leave and we won't come back. In return, you will all stay on your side of the country, _no exceptions_. You can't dictate our lives and actions without expecting the same in return. You know we're just as capable of killing you."

Jacob's lip curled up in a sneer. "I'd love to see you try, but I'm just following orders."

"Don't bother trying anything when we return to our house. We'll have humans with us."

"To help you move, or as a snack?"

I'd been silent up until that moment, but at Jacob's last words, my temper snapped. "That's crap and you know it, Jacob! Did Sam brainwash you or something? We may be natural enemies, but you don't see us hunting _you_ down, or threatening _your_ family."

He glared at me, his jaw clenched. "You don't know how sick it makes me to hear that."

"What?"

"That we're natural enemies. You were my best friend, Bella, but look what _they've_ done to you! It goes beyond brainwashing. They fucking _killed _you! You're dead to me now!"

Edward growled softly beside me and I quickly reached down to take his hand, squeezing it gently to calm him. Jacob's eyes followed the move and disgust flared in them. "Do whatever you have to, but pack your coffins and get the hell out of here. We never want to see you again."

And with that, he spun on his heel and strode away.

**xoxoxoxoxoxo**

Say it with me...DID THOSE STUPID WOLVES ACTUALLY CALL THE COPS ON THEM? When will they learn to mind their own business? GRRR!

I loved reading everyone's preferences for the most optimal resolution to the situation...what do you think now? Could it really be this easy? And if no...why not? Jacob's telling the truth, after all...

Three quick things to share: first of all, THANK YOU and WELCOME to all my new readers, and an especially big THANK YOU to isakassees for her kind rec of IDBiV in her _This is Not My Life _update! If you ever find this story through a rec, please let me know so I can smooch the rec'er accordingly!

Second: mah fanfic-twin-for-life brits23 has a new story, and it's not my undying loyalty and lurve for her that makes me say ZOMG PLEASE DROP EVERYTHING AND GO READ NOW! Some fics are just entertaining, some are just titillating...this one is pure poetry. It's called _There Once Was a King_ and you can find it here: www(DOT)fanfiction(DOT)net/s/6127359/1/There_Once_Was_a_King

Finally: I just started a new job that does NOT allow much/any internet/fan-fic-activity, even during my downtime, so my ability to reply to reviews will be dropping sharply. :-( If you have a specific question, though, don't hesitate to DM me here on FanFic, or Tweet me, I'm lazykatevamp on Twitter!

As always THANK YOU to everyone who continues to read, you all mean the world to me!


	25. Chapter 25

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and its characters. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**All original characters, plots, and the storyline contained within this derivative work are the property of Lazykate. This story may not be reproduced or reposted without permission from the author.**

**Chapter Twenty-Five**

Edward and I remained unmoving in the park until Jacob's figure disappeared back down the street, towards the main part of town.

"Edward..." I whispered, more uneasy now than before. "I don't... are you sure about this?"

He shook his head. "Honestly love, the only thing I'm sure about is that Jacob isn't lying. In fact, he's furious about this deal. He doesn't agree with Sam on it at all."

"What was he thinking?"

Edward studied my face for a moment before replying. "His feelings for me are unchanged. For you, though... he's feeling much more conflicted. He doesn't want to see you hurt. He wants me and the rest of our family dead, but he... he wants to see you get away."

I thought that over. "This isn't a trap, though?"

"No, his orders from Sam were fairly explicit. He's to keep an eye on us until we leave town, the rest of them will keep their distance, and then they're all returning to La Push."

"Should we have called Carlisle before we agreed to this?" The gnawing anxiety inside of me was only slightly lessened by his words.

"It wouldn't have made a difference; this was a non-negotiable offer on their part. And if even unreasonable demands like the ones they've made will keep you and the rest of the family safe, then Carlisle will agree. Believe me."

I bit my lip. "I don't trust them. Do you?"

"Trust the wolves? Of course not... they were trying to kill us all less than twenty-four hours ago. We won't drop any of our precautions, of course, and we'll remain on guard until we are far away from them." He reached down and clasped my hand in his, giving it a gentle squeeze. "Come on, let's go let the others know."

"Alice hasn't seen it yet?"

We began walking slowly back towards the hotel, both of us still training all our instincts to take in the sounds and smells around us, wary for any sign of Jacob, Sam, or the others.

"Alice's visions are so clouded and uncertain now, with the wolves' constant presence, she's not sure what's real and what isn't. If vampires could get headaches, she would have one."

Downtown Wasilla buzzed around us, normal humans going about their normal business, blissfully oblivious to the life-or-death concerns that swirled around us at the moment. It was a foreign land to me now; one that I couldn't relate to in any form, but I envied them their ignorance. If only life were as simple for my family now.

We arrived back at the hotel without catching any sign of the wolves, and Edward stopped at the front desk just long enough to reserve two more rooms. He caught the curious look I shot him and grinned. "I think that we're all in need of some one-on-one time with our significant others, wouldn't you say?"

I could feel the first genuine smile since the previous morning blooming over my face, and approval flared in Edward's eyes. "I think that's a wonderful idea."

He smiled down at me and then tucked me under his arm, keeping me pressed solidly to his side as we took the elevator upstairs. Alice yanked the hotel room door open before Edward even had a chance to reach for the knob, and neatly snatched one of the new room keys from his hand. "Thank you, brother dear!" she sang, with more cheer than I'd seen from her in hours.

"Did we miss anything?"

"Carlisle is on the phone with Eleazar now," Alice responded, before darting back across the room to where Jasper still stood by the window. "Things aren't sounding good."

"In what way?"

Alice sighed. "I'll let him explain."

Carlisle was sitting at the desk, his head propped against one fist, a troubled look on his face as he listened intently. He looked up and, at a quick gesture from Edward, finally spoke into the phone. "Bella and Edward have just arrived back, and I believe they may have some news for us. Please, Eleazar, don't take any action yet. I'll call you back within the hour." He ended the call and dropped the phone on the desk, then turned all his attention to us.

"Bad news?" Edward queried.

"Possibly. But tell us everything that went on for you two first."

Edward quickly filled everyone in on all the events of the day, concluding with Sam's offer through Jacob and our acceptance. "What do you think?"

Carlisle sat back slowly. "I trust your judgment, Edward. You have just as much experience with them as I, in addition to the ability to read their group mind. You truly feel that this offer is genuine?"

"I don't believe it," Jasper interrupted from the window.

"I know, I completely understand," Edward replied. "But the wolves don't know I can read their minds, so they have no reason to try and mask their thoughts. Sam's instructions to Jacob were clear and explicit. Jacob is to stay in human form to monitor us until we leave the area."

"But why Jacob?" Carlisle mused. "Why not Sam himself?"

"Jacob seems to be Sam's second-in-command, but honestly, I think they're hoping to exploit Bella's feelings for him. They know how close they were before, and even Jacob recognizes that he's the least likely one that she would kill, or allow to be killed. It's one of the reasons he's resentful about this order he's been given."

"And what are Jacob's feelings for Bella?"

Edward didn't hesitate. "If it were up to him, he would turn a blind eye and let her go. The rest of us could be torn to pieces for all he cares; his resentment towards me is especially strong. He's slowly starting to believe her, though."

"That's it, then," I exclaimed. "Edward, if Jacob will listen to me, especially if he's staying in human form, then he can convince…"

Edward was already shaking his head. "I don't want to take the time to even try, love. This offer they've presented us with is more than fair, in their minds, even if we know otherwise. And for your safety, for the safety of everyone in this family, I suggest we take it for now. With no vampires left in Forks, the wolves will stop phasing and live out their normal human lifetime."

"Wait, what?" I gave him a puzzled glance.

"It was part of their tribal legend, Bella," Carlisle explained. "That the Quileutes would phase only when a threat from the Cold Ones was nearby. After we left Forks the last time, they eventually stopped shifting altogether, and it was only when we returned again years later that it began again, with a new generation."

"So if we stay away from Washington… this particular pack will stop phasing?"

"As far as we understand, yes. However…" Here Carlisle took a deep breath. "We have a complicating factor."

Edward had already read the news in his mind, I could tell by his immediate frown, but he allowed Carlisle to explain it to the rest of us aloud.

"Eleazar and the rest of the Denali family… they now know what happened to Irina, and they're set on revenge. The only thing that is keeping them from traveling here now and hunting down each and every wolf is their recognition of the danger it could pose to us. But they're asking for our help."

"For exterminating the pack?" I guessed.

"Yes… I told Eleazar that we would discuss it as a family and let him know our decision."

"Why is it a _decision_?" Jasper snapped. "Call Rosalie and Emmett in, with them it'll be twelve of us against the wolves. We could easily take them with those numbers."

Carlisle gave him a long look. "I understand your point of view, Jasper, but I refused to make a decision on behalf of this family without every member's input. We've been given a choice… to leave peacefully and stay away, guaranteeing our safety, or to go on the offensive and deal with an uncertain outcome. If any of us disagrees with what our family as a whole decides upon, of course no one will be forced to act one way or another."

A long silence followed his statement, before Esme finally spoke. "I choose the peaceful route. I'm not willing to take a chance on losing any one of you over revenge."

"I'm sure you all know my choice, but I agree with Esme," Carlisle said. "I would never forgive myself if we wasted a chance to leave safely and live peacefully. Even if it does cause a rift between us and our extended family." His eyes swung to Edward and I. "Bella?"

"I'm with you and Esme," I said automatically. There was nothing I wanted more than to put the width of a continent between the wolves and my family.

"And I agree with Bella," Edward immediately echoed. All our eyes then moved to Jasper and Alice, standing by the window. Alice's face was troubled but resolute, and I suddenly realized exactly what her answer would be even before she voiced it aloud.

"I… I'll do whatever Jasper is doing. If he wants to stay and fight with the Denalis, I'm staying with him. Because if anything happened to him, I wouldn't want to…" Her voice broke off painfully, and Jasper pulled her tightly to him, then lifted hard topaz eyes to meet Carlisle's questioning gaze.

"I'm a soldier, Carlisle, you know that."

"Yes," he acknowledged quietly.

"Running from the enemy… accepting their unreasonable terms… it goes against every instinct in my body. I would be willing to stay and help the Denalis, but…" He took a deep breath and stiffened. "_You_ all are my family, and I go where my family goes."

"Then it's settled," Carlisle said with a heavy finality. "I'll contact Eleazar and let him know of our decision… and our reasons behind it. We grieve Irina's loss, but the Denalis' actions will put everyone's lives in jeopardy. It's a risk with an uncertain outcome, and we don't want violence enough to throw away a chance we've been given… even if we have good reason for _wanting_ vengeance." He looked for a moment at Esme and she nodded slightly. "I'll also arrange for the shipping company to meet us at the house at first light tomorrow morning. We won't stay the entire time, though, only pack up what's immediately necessary to each of us. We'll go to the house in Prince Edward Island for now, until we settle on a more permanent residence."

He then turned to Edward with a small smile. "Since it's been so conveniently arranged for us all to have some time alone, I suggest we make the most of it. But we mustn't let our guard completely down. Until we're thousands of miles from Alaska, we'll still have to be on the alert, in case the wolves change their minds."

Alice was already tugging Jasper towards the door, and I looked up at Edward expectantly. His gaze was locked with Carlisle's, and I could tell immediately that they were having a silent conversation. Edward finally frowned and shook his head, then reached down to take my hand. "Shall we, Mrs. Cullen?"

Our new room was down the hall, and after Edward and I slipped inside, I took a deep breath. "What was Carlisle saying?"

Edward didn't reply immediately, lifting his hand to gently brush it over my cheek. "He's concerned about your thirst. How are you feeling? Be honest with me."

The sore throat feeling had been growing all day, and now that Edward had called my attention to it again, I felt the burn intensify. "It's… getting worse."

"Is it manageable?" His beautiful eyes met mine squarely, and I knew I wouldn't be helping the situation by trying to minimize how I felt.

"It's manageable _now_, yes. But what does it matter if there's nothing we can do about it?"

"There's always something, love… even if I have to go track down a stray cat or dog."

"No," I said immediately, surprising even myself. Draining someone's pet would be an absolute last resort, aside from attacking an unsuspecting human. "What's my other option?"

Edward smiled and pulled me closer to him, bending down to run his lips gently over my ear. "Or I can try to keep you distracted… all night."

"I choose that option," I replied breathlessly, and turned my face to meet his kiss. He moaned softly against me and I felt all my senses prickle, responding to him automatically as they always did.

My hands came up and I pushed my fingers through his hair, luxuriating in his scent, his touch, the drag of his tongue against my own. I knew that neither one of us would be able to completely abandon ourselves and tune out the world until the threat of the wolves was much further away, but I closed my eyes and let myself be surrounded by him, let him make the burn go away as desire replaced it.

He growled softly in approval and had me laid out flat on the bed before I could blink an eye, hovering above me long enough pull his shirt over his head. I sat up, my lips seeking his again while my urgent hands unfastened and pulled his jeans down. He held still and let me undress him, watching me through half-lidded eyes, until his completely nude body was exposed to me. I moaned softly as my arousal bloomed hotter, the sight of his beautiful body making me ache. No matter how many times I'd seen him naked, I always had the same response: need.

He grinned slightly as he sensed my reaction, and then pushed me back down to the bed. "I'd love to tear the clothes off your body," he whispered, punctuating his words with a long swipe of his tongue over my throat, "But I don't have any to replace them with. And I don't want anyone else to see what is mine."

"Yours." I arched against him impatiently as he pulled off all my clothes with over-exaggerated carefulness, making a great show of tossing them into a semi-neat pile on a nearby chair. When he finally had me undressed, he pulled back for a moment, looking over my body, and then let one finger trail down my skin, between my breasts, over my navel, then to where I was already wet and desperate for his touch. I gasped and squirmed more insistently as he began to slowly stroke me there.

No part of his body moved except for his hand as he hovered over me, watching me with single-minded intensity. He knew me so exquisitely well, knew exactly how to tease the most delicious of sensations from every nerve ending I possessed, and too soon I could feel my body reaching for climax. "Edward…" I moaned, desperate for him.

"I want to watch you come," he replied simply.

I clenched my teeth and let out a long groan as one, and then two fingers, slipped into me, moving lazily enough to keep me still just teetering on the brink. He seemed to sense when the brush of his thumb was just about to push me over, and would pull it back. The fingers inside me twisted and stroked, occasionally pumping in and out of me, intensifying the burn that was foremost on my mind at the moment.

Finally Edward smiled a little and, without ceasing the motion of his hand, whispered to me even as he slid down my body. "I want to watch you come because I'm the only one who gets to see it. I'm the only one who makes it happen. And I know exactly how to do it."

**xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo**

There was approximately an hour left before dawn, when I knew that we would be rendezvousing with the rest of the family for the return to the house. I rolled onto my stomach and rested my head on Edward's chest, letting the rise and fall of his chest soothe me. "Is the Denali family going to be angry that we aren't staying?"

Edward stroked his hand gently down over my hair. "Yes. I heard in Carlisle's thoughts that they're already upset that we didn't immediately agree to help them. This may mean the end of our relationship with them."

I thought for a moment. "I can't help but feel guilty about it… the wolves killed one of their family, and not only are we refusing to help avenge her death, we made a last-minute deal to save ourselves."

"Yes," Edward replied quietly, "In black-and-white, that is certainly how it appears."

"It's just hard to wrap my mind around, I suppose."

Edward kept up the gentle motion of his hand over my head. "I understand. If anything had happened to you, nothing on this planet would have kept me from destroying those responsible, even if it meant my own destruction as well. But I'm not willing to participate in a proactively aggressive campaign which might put you at risk. Vampires are very selfish creatures, even those of us who live in families and who are more peaceful than our more traditional counterparts. Right now, _our _safety, the safety of _our_ family, is more important to us than anything else, even if it means the loss of friends we've had for decades."

"But where is that line drawn?"

He lifted his hand from my hair and gently trailed his fingers over my cheek to my lips. "If I ever found myself in the position of avenging any wrong done to you, I would never expect anyone else to help me. If the others wanted to assist, I wouldn't refuse them, but I would never use friendship as a bargaining tool to gain assistance. The Denalis have done just that."

"I see."

"And although I have plenty of reasons to want to tear the pack apart, one at a time, _your_ safety will always be my primary concern. I'm willing to put aside my desire to kill them all to ensure that they'll be far away from you."

"From us," I corrected him. "What about Carlisle and Esme, then?"

Edward smiled a little. "Believe me, Carlisle did some very serious damage to the wolf that injured Esme. If he hadn't been concerned about getting her to safety, and making sure that the rest of us were all right, he probably would have stayed to finish the job."

"Oh," I said, surprised at this bit of new information. Even understanding vampire instinct as I did now, it was still hard to imagine Carlisle willfully injuring any living creature. "What if it had been me, and they'd killed me instead of Irina?"

"My reaction would be automatic," he said simply. "Although the rest of our family would probably have joined me, just as all the Denalis are planning to attack the wolves."

"What's going to happen to them?"

"The odds aren't in their favor," was his short reply.

We were quiet for a long while again before I spoke. "Did you hear any of the wolves, overnight?"

Edward scowled slightly. "Yes, Jacob was outside the hotel all night."

"_What_?" I rose up slightly to stare at him, astonished. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't see the point in worrying you since he couldn't hear us, and you seemed to be having fun with what we were doing." I smacked his bare chest and he grinned. "He wasn't doing anything except what he was ordered… keeping an eye on us."

"So he's going to follow us back to the house?"

"Probably, yes."

This time I was the one who scowled. "So nothing has changed?"

"Not that I'm aware of. Although…" He turned to look at the first weak glow of daybreak that was beginning to leak around the closed curtains. "We should probably get up and dressed. Carlisle and Esme already left to rent a car to get back to the house, and the movers will be meeting us there."

"The specialty movers?"

"Yes." He sat up, kissed my cheek and then reached over to grab my clothes. "Carlisle called and made all the arrangements right after we left the room yesterday."

"And they'll be there already? With such short notice?"

Edward chuckled and began pulling on his own clothing. "Anything can be bought for the right price, Bella. It's something you'll get used to."

"What should I plan on packing?"

"Just a few changes of clothing, anything you think you might need. Your journal, definitely, and maybe your family pictures. We stored Charlie's belongings in the basement of the main house without unpacking them, so his things will just be packed in with ours again. We'll take as many of our cars as we need to the airport in Anchorage, then arrange to have them freighted to wherever we end up for a while."

"We'll be flying?"

"There are far too many stretches of lonely highway between here and Prince Edward Island, love, and we're not going to hand the wolves any chances to ambush us. Just because we're taking the offer they've grudgingly offered doesn't mean we're letting our guard down."

Finished dressing, we left our room and found Jasper and Alice waiting in the hallway. "Carlisle and Esme will be back in nine minutes with the car," Alice informed us.

"Can you see anything else that's going to happen today?" Edward ran his hand down my back and I unconsciously leaned into the comfort of his touch, as I always did.

"Not with that stupid mutt sitting outside, like a fox watching the henhouse." Irritation colored Alice's normally cheerful voice.

"Look on the bright side," Jasper offered. "As long as he's out there, and as long as Edward can read his mind, the wolves won't be able to get the jump on us."

She rolled her eyes. "Okay, _fine_, which makes him about as useful as a CB radio. One that reeks of wet dirty dog."

I couldn't help it, I laughed, and Alice stuck out her tongue at me. "Laugh all you want, Bella, it's _your_ former friend that's stinking up the joint."

Even Edward laughed a little at that, and we went downstairs to wait for Carlisle and Esme. The smell of the humans who were beginning to trickle into the lobby for the continental breakfast caused a strong burning stab directly into my throat, and Edward casually pulled me against him again, wrapping his arm tightly around my waist. I shut my eyes, took one painfully exquisite breath, and then stopped breathing.

"Sunlight?" Edward inquired, nodding towards the light that was growing brighter just outside the lobby doors.

"Intermittent," Alice replied promptly. "As long as we stay inside the house after we get there, until we're ready to leave, we should be okay."

After what seemed like an eternity, an SUV with dark-tinted windows pulled up under the hotel's drop-off canopy, and we all moved as one to climb in after Alice warned that the sun would be peeking out in less than thirty seconds. Edward tucked me into the center row of seats and then came after me, Jasper and Alice followed suit and sat down behind us. Once the doors were safely shut I took in a long deep breath.

Esme smiled sympathetically at me from the front passenger seat. "How are you holding up, Bella?"

Even the smell of the last humans who had been in this rented car was making me thirsty. "It's getting a lot worse."

"She needs to hunt," Edward said flatly. "When we get to the house, as long as the wolves aren't around, she and I will go into the woods just far enough for her to be able to find something."

"By yourself? Not a good idea," came Jasper's automatic dispute from the backseat.

"She and I are safer than any of the rest of you, since she can shield us from the wolves. They were no more than twenty feet below us when we were up in the tree, and not a one of them caught our scent. As long as we're careful, we should be fine."

"But splitting up…" Jasper started again, but this time Edward cut him off.

"Consider the alternative, then."

Alice sighed and I heard her begin murmuring quietly to Jasper, probably pointing out the truth in Edward's words. I appreciated Jasper's concern for us, but Edward was right… if I put off hunting any longer I'd be a danger to any humans we came close to. I didn't even want to think about what the airplane ride was going to be like.

We'd been on the road no more than five minutes when I noticed Carlisle looking repeatedly in the rear-view mirror. Edward growled softly, and I looked up at him. "What is it?"

"Our escort, of course," he muttered, gesturing behind us. I twisted in the seat and peered out the dark-tinted back window, only to see a motorcycle some distance back, occasionally out of view as we wove around curves and moved deeper into the forest.

"Is that… Jacob?"

"Naturally."

"Where in the world did he get a motorcycle?"

"Who the hell knows?" he grumbled softly, before meeting Carlisle's eyes in the rearview mirror.

"I wonder why he didn't just phase back into wolf form for this trip," Esme mused. "He seems to be going to a lot of trouble to keep tabs on us this way."

"Alpha's orders," Edward answered her. "It was extremely clear in Jacob's mind; he was to remain in human form to keep us within sight at all times. And probably to serve as a reminder that they're watching us."

"Watching us do _what_?" I asked, my own irritation breaking through. "He's going to watch us _pack_?"

"If he insists upon it, he can remain outside, within view of the house," Carlisle interrupted smoothly. "We want to impress upon them that we're doing exactly what we said we would do. Let's not give any reason to provoke a fight."

The rest of the drive was made in silence, all of us now aware of the faint roar of the motorcycle engine that was never far behind us. When Carlisle slowed and made the turn into the long drive to our home, Jacob followed closely, only lagging back when Carlisle pulled up and parked in front of the house. Not far away were several burly men waiting next to a large unmarked white moving truck.

"We have about four minutes until the sun comes out again," Alice piped up, and Carlisle nodded.

"All of you, go ahead and pack up only what you need, you know what to do. I'll have them start with the basement and the downstairs, so that we can move at our normal speed while packing our own things. We need to be on the road to Anchorage no later than two o'clock. Bella, Edward, you'll be most vulnerable since you're apart from the main house…"

"Bella will keep shielding us both," Edward assured him. "I don't like that it means Alice won't be able to see my future, if she's able to, but the benefit of being shielded outweighs the risk."

Carlisle nodded. "Are you going to hunt first?"

"Yes." I answered him before Edward could. "Then we'll pack and come back up here, and stay at the main house."

"Good idea. Everyone… please be careful." The unspoken meaning behind his simple words spoke volumes.

As we climbed out of the car, I held my breath and walked quickly away from the movers and the red mist that swirled tantalizingly around them, Edward close by my side. "Let's just go down the drive a bit, and into the woods from there," he said quietly.

I nodded, and then groaned when I saw Jacob leaning against his motorcycle outside our cottage. "This is ridiculous."

"I couldn't agree more," Edward muttered, giving Jacob a dark look and then ignoring him completely as we walked past the cottage, further down the drive.

"Hey… where are you going?" Jacob called out.

"Hunting," Edward snapped back. "Your actions have prevented Bella from hunting for several days now. Ironically, because of your interference, more humans have been at risk."

"What the hell are you going to hunt? Hey…"

Our pace didn't slow, but then Edward wrapped his hand around my upper arm. "Keep walking, love," he murmured, too low for Jacob to hear.

"Get back here! Where in the hell do you think you're…" I could hear the pounding of Jacob's feet now as he ran up behind us, and my protective instincts immediately took over.

I twisted against Edward's hand and snarled, trying to put my body between Edward and the threat behind us. It was an automatic action, and I'd moved into a defensive crouch before I even realized it. "Back _off_, Jacob," I ground out through clenched teeth.

He froze in surprise, probably shocked at the sudden ferocious change in my demeanor. "What the hell, Bella? Where are you going?"

"He told you. I have to fucking _hunt_ before I go back up there and drain those humans because _you_ and your _friends_ have kept me from what I need to stay sane. That wasn't part of your brilliant plan, was it?"

Jacob hesitated and cast a quick look back over his shoulder, obviously nervous over the fact that the vampires he was tailing were splitting up. "You're going to hunt what, deer or something?"

"Anything that doesn't walk on two legs," Edward replied coldly. "Beat it, mutt." With that, he applied gentle pressure on my arm and we began moving forward again, this time cutting off at an angle and plunging into the forest. After a moment, the crunching snow and whipping of branches told me that Jacob had decided to follow us, and I groaned again.

"Just ignore him," Edward advised. "There are some deer not too far in this direction, come on. Jacob," he called back over his shoulder, "Unless you want to find out the hard way that a vampire's hunting frenzy means she might ignore your stench to get at your blood, I strongly suggest you keep your distance."

I heard Jacob grumble something under his breath, but by then I'd caught the scent of the deer that Edward had pointed out. Immediately my body and mind snapped to the hunt, my entire focus on the weak creatures that didn't even have a chance to run before we were on them. I caught and drained one, then chased another a short distance into the forest, sighing as my teeth sank deeply into the vein that pulsed madly under my lips. When I'd finished that one, I reluctantly let the body drop to the forest floor. The rest of the deer had scattered by then, and I was too wary to go any deeper into the forest after them.

Edward stood not too far away, watching me. "Better now, love?"

"Yes. What about you?"

"I didn't bother… I was keeping an eye on _him_ and making sure none of his friends were lurking around."

"Aren't you thirsty?"

"I hunted with you a few days ago, and I can go much longer without needing to. I wanted to make sure you weren't interrupted."

"What now?" Jacob called sarcastically to us. "No fuzzy little bunnies for dessert or anything?"

I stopped a few yards away from him, my temper finally snapping. "What the hell is your problem, Jacob? I hunt animals so that I won't hunt humans, but that's not good enough for you either?"

"You're not _hunting_, you're sucking their blood just like the leech they turned you into."

"And how exactly is that different from hunting with guns and eating the meat from the animals you kill?"

He glared at me for a long moment, obviously realizing he couldn't win with this particular brand of logic. "I want to talk to you."

"Talking isn't part of the agreement we have with you," Edward objected immediately. "We're packing our things and then we're leaving, just as you've all insisted."

"I didn't say I wanted to talk to _you_," sneered Jacob. "I would rather kill you. I want to talk to Bella, if you allow her to speak for herself, that is."

Edward's jaw clenched and a dangerous look flashed over his face. "I _will_ kill you if you don't back off."

"Edward," I said quickly, hating to disagree with him, but more afraid of what might happen if I didn't. His eyes were darkening rapidly even as he looked down at me, but he knew in an instant what I was going to say before I spoke. "Let him say whatever he has to get off his chest. Then we'll never have to see him again. Please, trust me?"

His lips tightened before he took a long deep breath, obviously fighting to calm himself. "I trust you."

I turned to Jacob. "What do you want to talk about?"

"Not while _he's_ standing right there," he objected immediately, and I put my hand on Edward's arm before he could say anything.

"You don't really think he's going to let me go off with you, do you?"

Jacob gritted his teeth. "We don't have to go far. I just… I can't stand to look at him, Bella. I can't talk to you and be rational and remember what I have to say to you when _he's_ standing right there. The fucking bloodsucker that _murdered_ you."

I shook my head. "_That_ is one thing we'll have to discuss and get clear. But he's not going anywhere."

Jacob turned and then pointed at a fallen log about fifteen yards away. "That's close enough. You and I can sit, he can stay right where he is."

"Are you planning on an hour-long cozy chat?" Edward asked sarcastically. "Keep in mind, mutt, either she or I could kill you in a heartbeat, before you even had a chance to phase."

"Whatever," Jacob muttered, before turning his back to me and stomping over to the fallen log. I gave Edward a long look, asking him silently if I would be safe. After a moment, he gave me a tiny nod, but anxiety and disapproval were tight around his mouth.

"Thank you for trusting me," I whispered to him, before standing on my tip-toes to kiss his rigid lips. Then I turned and, in a few lightning-fast strides, stood next to Jacob.

"Jesus, Bella," he gasped. "Warn a guy next time."

"You've been given ample warning. I'm not going to hide what I am from you."

"This is not what you are, it's what they've turned you into."

"Semantics," I sighed, before sitting down on the log. I could see Edward glowering at us through the trees, and I knew that he was fixating on Jacob's mind, making sure that he didn't pose any threat to me at any moment. "Sit down, you're the one who wanted to talk."

He hesitated for a brief moment, and then dropped down to sit as well, making sure to keep a couple of feet between us. "Why don't you stink like the rest of them do?"

"It's a really long story that we don't have time for right now."

Jacob rolled his eyes. "Fine. Listen… I'm not going soft on you. I meant what I said yesterday, in the park."

"The part about me being dead to you?" He nodded, and I shrugged. "I wish you didn't feel that way, Jacob."

He shifted uneasily, and I could tell he was struggling for words. "You _are_ dead, Bella."

"Yes, technically."

"I just… I owe it to my dad, and you owe it to me… to just… tell me the truth, okay?"

"I'll tell you the truth," I promised.

Jacob squeezed his eyes tightly shut for a moment. "Did you _choose_ this?"

"Yes."

"How did… was it for _him_?" He jerked his chin towards where Edward still stood motionless, watching us.

"I guess when it comes down to the bare basics, yes."

"_Why_?"

"Because I love him," was my quiet reply, but Jacob flinched as if he'd been shot. Edward moved too, his muscles tightening as he leaned towards us, and I quickly shook my head at him.

"How can you… what do you mean you _love_ him? Bella, he's a fucking _vampire_!"

"And you're a werewolf, evidently," I responded, willing my newborn temper down. "What makes one more acceptable than another?"

"We don't kill humans, for one," he said sourly.

"Neither do they… we, I mean. You know that."

"They killed you."

"No," I said immediately, hoping to drive this point home to Jacob so that he could carry the truth of it back to the rest of the pack, and to Billy at La Push. "Jacob… the car accident was just that, an accident. I was dying out in the woods; I was literally a few minutes from death when Edward and Carlisle found me."

"They… did this to you while you were in no position to think about it, to understand the consequences of their actions?"

"Actually, we'd been… discussing it for some time."

Jacob lifted his eyes and for the first time I saw raw hurt in them. "What?"

"Edward and I… we fell in love. He knew I wanted to be with him forever."

"How long have you been in _love_?" He practically spat the word out, and I thought for a moment before smiling a little.

"It depends on which one of us you ask."

He turned away from me then, and rubbed his knuckles roughly across his face. "So you and the bloodsucker fell in love, and you were _planning_ on having him turn you into one of them?"

"Yes… it wasn't supposed to happen as soon as it did, never mind how it did, but I would have died that night if he hadn't acted right away."

"You _should_ have died… really died, Bella."

"You'd rather I be dead than to know I'm just in a different form, and happy? Deep down inside I'm still Bella, Jake. I'm still that same person at heart; still the person you said was your best friend. My body being different now doesn't change that any more than the fact that you're still _Jacob_ even when you're in wolf-form, right?"

He was already shaking his head. "No… it's different."

"How?"

"They're bad… evil. They bring death everywhere they go."

"Don't all living creatures? Didn't other living things have to die for me to live, before this? I can understand your concern about other vampires, but you know we pose no threat to any humans… or we try our very best not to. Your great-grandfather understood that."

Jacob's head swiveled sharply back to face me. "What?"

"Your great-grandfather was the one who formed the original truce with the Cullen family. You knew that. Edward was there. He said that Ephraim Black was a lot like Carlisle… only wanting the best for his family, but able to see past preconceived notions to decide what was best for them."

"_Preconceived notions_ is a bit of an understatement, Bella," Jake said harshly. "This is bred into our very being, into the depths of our flesh and bone. We're designed to _kill_ vampires. We only begin phasing when they're around."

I shrugged. "And we're designed to kill humans, but we don't. There's an exception to every rule, obviously."

He looked at me incredulously. "How can you be so… so _casual_ about all this?"

"Jake…" I lifted my eyes to meet his squarely. "If, when we all leave here, you decide to believe that your best friend died out on Highway 101 back in November, and that you're going to mourn me and move on, you can. Or you can choose to believe me when I tell you that I'm happy. Isn't that what you would have wanted for me, regardless?"

"Not like this." His voice was hoarse.

"You'd rather let Sam tear me to pieces and light them on fire?"

Jacob started to reply and then hesitated, looking through the trees to where Edward still stood silently. "Not you, no. This isn't what I would have _ever_ wanted for you, but I would never hurt you. _Him_, on the other hand…"

"If anything happened to him, it would destroy me," I said quietly. "It's one of those things I can't explain to you, but the absence of him would be the end of me. If you're planning on killing Edward, go ahead and take me out too. Or try to, rather."

His dark eyes were incredulous when they met mine again. "You'd pick him over me?"

"Yes," my answer was immediate and resolute. "I'd pick him over everyone and everything, including myself."

Jacob shuddered slightly and stared at the footprints we'd left in the snow before us: his were heavy and deep, mine were small and spaced so far apart that they almost didn't even resemble a human's. "Bella…" he said after a few minutes, "Sam meant what he said. If any of you ever come near La Push or Washington again…"

"How do I know we can trust Sam's word? How do I know he's not out there somewhere waiting to ambush us?"

Jacob shook his head. "It's a wolf-thing… when we're in wolf-form we share something like a group mind. It's hard to explain, but he couldn't lie to me if he tried, I'd know. Besides, I'm his second-in-command… his right hand, so to speak."

"Or paw?" I don't know where my weak attempt at humor had come from, but Jacob looked at me strangely.

"That… that sounded a lot like something the old you would have said, actually."

I rolled my eyes. "You're starting to catch on, then."

He hunched forward, his shoulders rolling in as his head dropped down. "I'm saying goodbye to you now, Bella. This is… I'm never going to see you again. I'm going to tell myself that you believe you're happy but… I don't think I'll ever believe it."

I swallowed hard, the pain in his voice hitting me more viciously than I'd ever anticipated. "Jake… if that's what you want to believe, I can't say anything to convince you otherwise. But I want to tell you that you were… you _are_ the best friend, best brother, I could have ever asked for. And I love you for it still. Tell Billy that too, okay?"

"Yeah, sure." His shoulders hunched together more tightly and I saw Edward shift uneasily out of the corner of my eye.

"Jake…what's wrong?"

Another shudder went through him. "It's nothing, I just… right now I'd give almost anything to be able to disobey an alpha's order."

"What do you mean?"

"Sam ordered me to stay in human form, to keep an eye on you." His voice was muffled as his head was still bent forward. "But right now, I just want to get the fuck out of here. I want to phase and just run, to get all this out of my head."

"So do it!"

Jacob's head snapped up, frustration creasing his face. "I _can't_ Bella, and that's something that _you_ don't get. I can't just do whatever I want as long as I'm forced to keep phasing, to be part of a pack, to obey an alpha's commands, because there are bloodsuckers around!"

I saw Edward tensing again and knew that he was only seconds away from crossing the yards between us as Jacob's anger visibly increased. "Should we just say goodbye, then?"

"That would probably be a good idea," he hissed.

I heard him, and immediately understood that those words _were_ his goodbye. There wasn't going to be any kind of bittersweet reconciliation, or even a proper farewell. Jacob would keep watch over us all until we'd left the area, and that would be the last I'd see of him. It wasn't what I would have wished for, but it was better than I'd hoped. "Goodbye, Jake," I said softly, and then stood, my eyes going to where Edward stood a short distance away, waiting for me.

My gaze locked with his automatically, of course, but a flicker of movement behind him and off to the left caught my attention. Immediately I was tracking it, trying to focus on where it appeared that a piece of the forest had shifted. And then the same thing happened to the right. This time there was a break in the trees between me and the aberration, and understanding roared through me just as _they_ realized they'd been spotted.

My mind was able to process even faster than my body could respond, and I saw everything in great clarity in the briefest fraction of a second: Edward swinging around and falling into a defensive crouch as his eyes narrowed and went to the deepest shade of midnight; and the enormous wolves abandoning their stealthy hunt and charging forward. Three of them… one on each side and one directly behind him.

Another fraction of a second later as my mind flicked through strategies and then settled on action as my body launched into defensive mode. I could feel the strength as it poured into my muscles, waiting for a command, a flicker of a thought that would send me spinning into movement.

Every instinct in my battle-ready mind and body screamed at me to get to Edward, to protect my mate with each ounce of physical strength I possessed, but some icy logical part of my brain calculated and then realized that even if I did, and reached him before the wolves, they would be on us and tearing us to pieces before we'd be able to start fighting back. This enemy depended on a frenzied pack approach, one that would tear us to pieces, not skillfully assess and attack our weakest points. If I went to Edward, they'd have both of us penned in, and it would be over in a matter of seconds. There wasn't enough time for me to stop them, but there might be enough time to catch their attention.

Even faster than thought now, without even looking, I reached behind me and my seeking hand found Jacob's shaggy hair… much shorter than when I'd seen him last at La Push, but still long enough for me to shove my fingers through and then fist in a vise-like grip that was virtually unbreakable. He was just gathering air into his lungs to yelp as I gave him a powerful yank, almost snapping his neck, dragging him so that his body was in front of mine. My mouth opened and my teeth settled against his neck, directly over where his carotid artery was just beginning a frenzied hammering.

Perhaps one second passed then, as the startled yell that had been accumulating in Jacob's chest finally erupted, echoing over the snow and between the barren trees. I pressed my teeth harder against him, not quite forcefully enough to break the skin, but enough so that he went completely rigid as I tightened my grip in his hair.

And all the while, my eyes never moved from Edward.

I could see every thought, every emotion that flickered over his face in those few seconds: shock, disbelief, and ultimately fury. As his body pivoted to face the enemy that thundered towards him, I saw a flash of his black eyes and suddenly realized that if _that_ brief glance was the last time I would see them awake and aware of me, seeking reassurance that _I_ was safe, then my own rage and grief would be enough to obliterate the entire forest around us.

It settled thickly on my mind as though I were Alice in one of her trances, seeing the future, living it for the moments that it took possession of all her senses. For that brief instant, seeing the reality of my world _without Edward_, was enough to cause my entire being, my body, emotions, love, hate, trust, fear, the instinct to protect, and the ability to _kill_, to compress and then explode from somewhere deep inside my mind.

I felt, rather than saw, the flex and the wave that trembled through my shield, as far as it reached to encompass both Edward and I. I felt the sudden impermeability of it, the strength: not so much a brick wall as a rubber band that would bend but then snap back with twice the force exerted against it. I felt it shudder even as my physical eyes saw the wolves sheer off at sudden sharp angles from where they would have fallen on my mate a brief second later, crashing against trees, stunned and disoriented long enough for me to shove Jacob a few more feet forward. The last vestiges of human-Bella were gone, the only thing I saw now was Edward, slowly uncurling from the crouch he'd dropped into as the wolves had descended on him.

"I'll kill him!" It was my voice, I could hear it even as my mind coldly assessed our three enemies, finally fixing on the largest, blackest wolf. I knew without a doubt that it was Sam Uley who had come at my husband from behind, intent on reducing his body to nothing but rubble and then to purple-black smoke. "I'll kill him, but I won't do it quickly… if I bite him my venom will kill him slowly and painfully, and it will be on _you_, Sam!"

Jacob whimpered slightly as my teeth scraped over his skin with every word I spoke. The three wolves we faced were slowly regrouping, shaking off the stunned effect of a moment before, pulling themselves together even as their movements were hesitant enough to show me that they weren't quite sure what had just happened. I could feel the thickened presence of my shield, though, still surrounding Edward and I. I couldn't see the difference in it, but I could _feel_ it… the difference between a windbreaker and a parka on a frigid day, or the fragile skin of bare knuckles verses the protection of a boxing glove.

"Bella…" Jacob whispered, genuine terror evident in that one word. For the briefest moment I almost felt a flicker of regret, of sadness that another's actions would push me to this point, to hurting someone I still cared for.

But as long as the one I lived, loved, and breathed for was in danger, nothing else mattered. Nothing and no one.

The black wolf that I knew was Sam had recovered more quickly than his two cohorts, and trembling lips peeled back to reveal long white teeth and a furious snarl which was meant to intimidate. I snarled back at him, undeterred, quickly measuring how close they still were to Edward, and what our odds would be if they tried to regroup. I jerked Jacob's body against me again, the violent movement wrenching his body like a grotesque marionette show.

"I can and will bite him faster than you can attack, or he can phase," I said clearly, making sure my words carried across the snow. "You will watch him die in agony and share _that_ in your group mind with the others. Let _them_ decide if your lies and deceit were worth it."

Jacob choked against me in sudden realization. "He lied, he fucking _lied_ to me… told me to stay in human form so I'd be separate from the group mind…"

Sam growled low and thick in his chest, but Jacob attempted another fruitless struggle against my strength and then spat out one final accusation at his pack leader. "You _used_ me. You did this after you told me… you didn't decide until after we'd…"

There was another growl now, but this one came almost inaudibly from Edward, even as he still had his back to us, facing down the three wolves. "Yes, he lied to you, Jacob. He made this decision while you were both in human form, when you weren't sharing the group mind… that's why he ordered you not to phase back… I understand now…"

The black wolf crouched down almost to the ground, feral snarls shredding the air between us, and I could tell that he was readying himself for another spring at Edward. I hoped that my shield would protect him physically again, but I wasn't going to count on it: I shoved Jacob forward roughly another step, attracting the attention of the other two wolves.

"If any of you make one movement towards either one of us, I'll kill him, but you can only blame Sam. He's a disgrace to you all, lying and manipulating one of his own, someone who trusted him in order to attack a group that has always upheld a truce formed decades ago. Even if he manages to kill us, I _will_ take Jacob with us. Do you want to wonder if you'll be the next one he lies to, the next one he uses?"

The caramel-colored wolf, smaller with deep streaks of brown in its fur, let out a low, indecisive whine, and I seized upon his obvious uncertainty. "I know what he's ordering you to do, but he's no alpha, not truly. He's an embarrassment to his people, with no right to call himself a _leader_. A true leader wouldn't have to take advantage of his second-in-command, offering him up as a sacrifice."

Sam growled and snapped in my direction, then swung around to face the third wolf, one almost his size with fur in varying shades of gray. He too stood hesitantly, enormous dark eyes flitting from Sam, to Edward, to where I still held Jacob with my teeth to his throat.

"Your pack is turning on you, Sam" Edward said suddenly. "I can read your minds, all of you. You didn't know that, but I can. I can hear their indecision just as well as you can hear the doubt that your treachery has created in their minds. They don't want to follow someone they can't trust."

Sam appeared to ignore Edward's words for the moment, concentrating on the smaller wolf again instead, indecipherable growls rumbling from his massive form until his subordinate was almost cowering against a tree. The cornered wolf let out a short yelp and then cringed away before falling forward into the snow, writhing in some kind of distress.

"They aren't obligated to follow anyone who isn't the _true_ leader of the Quileutes," Edward hissed, taking a step forward towards Sam now. I fixed him firmly in my mind, making sure that my shield still surrounded him. "And you've lost their respect, along with the rest of the pack. You'll never gain that back, Sam, no matter what you do. You offered up one of your own without a second thought… and none of them want to be your next piece of bait."

With those last words, Sam let out a furious roar, springing towards Edward, and I felt a heart-wrenching snap when my shield slipped away from him as Edward leapt in the opposite direction. One hand still firmly in Jacob's hair and the other around his throat, I covered the distance between all of us in a split second, Jacob choking now in my grip. But it was too late to reestablish that physical shield, that impermeable protection, for Edward and Sam were fighting now, moving at speeds that made the forest around them shiver.

Sam had the advantage of size, teeth, and claws, but Edward had been right: one-on-one, they were no match for us. I saw Edward react a split-second ahead of each of Sam's moves, reading his mind, anticipating his every action as he ducked away from the lethal paws that swiped at him, the lunges in his direction. I quickly cast an uneasy eye at the other two wolves, but they were cringing back away from the fight now, casting hesitant glances between the four of us.

A duck and a lightning-fast twist on Edward's part, a sharp snap and then a high-pitched yelp, before Sam fell clumsily into the snow on his right shoulder, his broken leg useless beneath him, the other three flailing as he attempted to regain his footing. But Edward was already on him.

In a blur of motion, Edward leapt onto his back, carefully avoiding the snapping and slashing of Sam's jaws, his arms reaching out to wrap around the shaggy neck, forcing his mouth to close. Then one louder sickening crack as he twisted the enormous head in a quick violent movement, one last choked gurgle from the black wolf before his body sagged and then fell heavily into the snow.

Without pausing for a moment, Edward leapt away from the body and positioned himself between the other two wolves and where I still held Jacob. Both wolves were completely motionless, but there was no aggressiveness in their stance, only shock. He assessed them for a quick moment before flashing to my side. "You can let him go, Bella."

I immediately released my grip on Jacob and he staggered, choking and gasping before turning to face us. Edward fixed him with a steely gaze. "I'm sparing their lives and I'm saving yours. I suggest you phase, claim your birthright, and act in a manner your great-grandfather would have approved of. Call off the rest of the pack, _now_."

Jacob blinked a few times before turning to me. "Bella…"

I took a step closer to Edward. "Please, Jake, remember what I told you. I'm sorry."

He shook his head, wincing painfully as he did so. "You said… you said you would put him before me."

"And I did." I moved until my body was pressed alongside Edward's, seeking comfort in his closeness although neither of us relaxed our defensive poses. "I'm just sorry that Sam forced us _all_ into that position."

Shock slowly began to wear off and Jacob's eyes hardened. "I have to… I have to go now, to communicate with the rest of the pack. But meet us in ten minutes in the front of your main house."

Edward gave him a short nod, and in the blink of an eye, there was a shivering of the air around us as Jacob's body again seemed to explode from the inside out, and a giant russet wolf stood in his place. He gave me one last long look from his endless black eyes, before he turned and ran away, further into the forest. The other two wolves were immediately behind him, leaving the lifeless body of their former alpha behind.

"Come on," Edward said tersely, pulling out his cell phone even as we began sprinting back in the direction of the main house. "Carlisle, get rid of the movers _now_. Yes, we're okay, but they need to be gone in less than ten minutes." He snapped the phone shut and slid it back into his pocket without missing a stride.

Neither of us spoke, and as we drew close to the main house we heard the rumble of an engine and then the crunching of tires in the snow as the movers drove slowly down the driveway. A few seconds more and we emerged from the forest to find the rest of the family awaiting us on the steps.

"Edward… what is it?" Carlisle demanded immediately.

"I killed Sam Uley. Jacob has phased back into wolf form, and he's gathering the rest of the pack here now."

"For a fight?" All of them tensed as Edward and I joined them on the steps and then turned out to face the forest surrounding us.

"No… not this time. There's too much to explain it all now, but Sam was using Jacob all along. I didn't know that they aren't able to access the wolf group mind when they're in human form. When Sam and Jacob saw us in town, that was when Sam made the decision to attack us, using Jacob as the unknowing distraction to lull us into a false sense of security. Jacob had no idea that Sam and the rest of the pack would be ambushing us. And I… I was so fixated on Jacob's thoughts… he was so close to Bella… I didn't hear Sam or the others until it was too late."

"How did you get away?" Esme gasped, but Edward shook his head.

"No time to explain now, they'll be here any moment."

"What are their intentions now? Should we leave?"

"I don't think so… Jacob and the other two wolves Sam brought with him were shocked that he had resorted to such an act. Even when fighting their enemies, the Quileutes have always valued honor, and his actions were reprehensible. They would have forgiven him for ambushing us, but using Jacob in such a manner, knowing that it could have ended in his death… it was unforgivable. Even if I hadn't killed him, I think they would have revolted against him."

"So who's leading them now?" Jasper demanded.

"Jacob," Edward said simply, and then turned to face the driveway, just as the smell of the wolves preceded them.

They came as a pack, grouped closely together, clustered behind Jacob who was still in wolf-form. Tension and distrust ran thick through them at the sight of us… there was more than one quiet snarl or faint flash of white fangs… but they remained obediently behind Jacob, coming steadily forward until they were only a dozen or so feet away from us.

Jacob stared intently at Edward, who reached down to take my hand and then took a step forward. "Yes, I understand you." A moment of silent communication, and then Edward looked over to Carlisle. "They still don't trust us enough to phase back into their human forms."

"I understand," Carlisle replied quietly, directing his words towards the wolf pack.

Another long silence, and then Edward took a deep breath. "They will not be seeking retaliation for the death of their alpha… they recognize that his actions weren't honorable and were not befitting a true Quileute leader. Jacob, as great-grandson of Ephraim Black, is now the alpha of the pack. They are all in agreement over this."

More silence as Edward listened intently to Jacob. "They want to know if there are any other golden-eyes that they should be aware of."

"Yes," Carlisle replied quickly, speaking to Jacob. "Our extended family lives as we do and pose no threat whatsoever to humans. But you have killed one of them, and they are seeking vengeance for that. We will not aid them in it, since you were acting under Sam's orders, but neither will we assist you in evading them. All I can suggest is that you leave this area immediately, and don't seek out any of us again. Because although we have abided by the truce for decades, they are not bound by any such agreement."

There were scattered growls throughout the pack at his words. "Jacob wants you to know that the truce between us is still void," Edward continued in a monotone, but without any trace of fear. "But they will no longer follow us. As long as we stay out of Washington, they won't pursue us. Any vampires who knowingly or unknowingly cross that boundary line do so at their own peril."

"I regret that you consider the truce between us dissolved," Carlisle replied, "But these terms are acceptable to us as long as you acknowledge that any attacks on us outside of that state will be met in kind as self-defense."

"They agree," Edward said immediately.

"Go back to La Push, then, we pose no further threat to you."

Jacob growled softly, and Edward's hand tightened around my own. "They will leave immediately after this, but first... Bella… Jacob wants you to know he understands your actions earlier, and forgives you for them. The connection that you and I share, there is something similar in Quileute legend, although…" Here Edward's brow creased. "It's different, but comparable enough that he recognizes your need to protect me above all others."

"Thank you," I whispered.

"And he says goodbye," Edward finished slowly. "Just to you, Bella."

I looked the russet wolf squarely in the eyes and saw my best friend, my brother, looking back at me. "Goodbye, Jake."

Jake held my gaze for a split-second more before turning. The rest of the pack, _his_ pack, split around him as he trotted down the driveway before they all pivoted to follow him and then…

They were gone.

**xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo**

**A/N:**

No, this is not THE END, but we're quite close. Close enough to make me teary-eyed, so I'll just move on...

KUDOS to the one or two of you (between here and Twilighted) that figured out that Jacob only knew what Sam wanted him to know. I know many of you wanted to see every last wolf wiped out...but Bella certainly wouldn't want that, and evidently Jacob didn't either. Our last few loose ends will be tied up in the next chapter...and we'll have an epilogue...anyone for lemonade (with vodka)?

Thoughts? Anyone still agreeing with Jasper that they should have joined the Denalis if it hadn't posed a risk to their own family? Were they right or wrong to ask/expect the Cullens to help them?

THANK YOU to The Usual Suspects, those of you that support me unconditionally, and those of you who leave me reviews that make me want to quit my job and move to an island in the South Pacific (with PFach, Rpatz, and wifi, naturally) so I can just write for you all day long!


	26. Chapter 26

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and its characters. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**All original characters, plots, and the storyline contained within this derivative work are the property of Lazykate. This story may not be reproduced or reposted without permission from the author.**

**Chapter Twenty-Six**

Silence froze the air around us long after the last of the wolves' footfalls had faded from our ears, far away from our home, deep into the woods. It was a moment when none of us were quite sure how to react.

Jasper was still poised on the razor's edge, ready to head into battle at a moment's notice, Carlisle and Esme's faces both wore faint traces of hope, Edward's own expression was completely unreadable even to me. It wasn't until Alice sucked in a deep breath and then laughed delightedly that we all thawed and moved from the positions we'd stood in for who knew how long.

"I can _see_," she exclaimed, with the exultation of a newly pardoned prisoner. "Finally!" Her eyes were already far away as she processed the flood of visions pouring into her mind after being blocked by the wolves' involvement for so long, and when Edward gave my hand a reassuring squeeze, I realized he must be seeing the future through her mind.

"Is it over?" Carlisle asked her quietly.

"Yes," Alice replied immediately. "I can see everyone's future's now… even… I thought for a minute that I saw Bella's, but it must have been through Edward. Everyone is going to be okay."

"We should call Rosalie and Emmett," Esme murmured, but Carlisle shook his head.

"First, we should decide… are we going to stay here? Or should we go somewhere else in case the wolves change their mind?"

"Obviously, I was wrong about the wolves' group mind before," Edward interjected, "But from what I heard, they aren't going to change their minds. They meant what they said about us staying out of Washington, but otherwise, they only wanted to get out of here and go home."

"I don't see them coming back at all," agreed Alice.

"To be on the safe side, I'll have our contact keep tabs on Jacob Black and a few of the others for a while. If they suddenly disappear…"

"They won't." Alice seemed almost overconfident now that her ability to read the future had returned to her.

Carlisle let out a long slow breath. "In that case… I'll call the movers and tell them their services are no longer necessary. And we'll call Rosalie and Emmett. And then... I'll call Eleazar."

We went inside to the living room, none of us quite willing to separate from the rest of the family just yet. "Edward, Bella… what happened?" Esme inquired gently.

Edward's jaw clenched. "I didn't know that they could only access the group mind while in wolf form, which is why Sam ordered Jacob to stay human. They were waiting for the right moment to attack, but they knew they couldn't do it as long as there were humans present, so they had split up into several smaller groups and were patrolling the area. Jacob wanted to talk to Bella, and I was so completely absorbed in his every thought that I didn't hear Sam and his group until it was too late. They came after me, and then…" Here he paused and turned to me, confusion creasing his face. "It was as though Bella's shield… as though it became solid, and it repelled them, physically. Love, do you…"

"I don't know," I whispered. I'd almost forgotten about the strange new aspect my shield had demonstrated until just now. "I didn't do anything consciously; it was the realization that they were going to kill you… and what that would do to me… I couldn't let it happen. And then it just… I don't know how to describe it. I could _feel_ it change, but I couldn't control it as easily… I lost hold of you when you started fighting Sam."

"Amazing," Carlisle said thoughtfully. "You were able to manipulate and manifest your shield's protective ability in a completely new way. It's no wonder you weren't able to control it as easily, discovering it only under a moment of extreme stress."

"From there... Bella grabbed Jacob and threatened to kill him if any of them moved towards me again. When both Jacob and I realized exactly what Sam had done, the other two wolves backed off almost immediately. They were genuinely horrified at Sam's actions; that he would attack me with Jacob very much in danger. That was when Sam's power over them started crumbling, and he knew it. He attacked me, and I killed him."

"An eye for an eye," Jasper muttered to himself, before looking up at Carlisle. "When you call Eleazar, tell him that we killed the wolf responsible for Irina's death. Maybe then they won't go after them, and end up getting themselves torn to pieces, or starting a war all over again with the pack. Alice…"

She'd already anticipated the question and her eyes had gone hazy again as she looked for a vision indicating that Jasper's idea would work. Finally, she nodded slowly. "Yes… but Carlisle, you have to explain that the rest of the pack was only acting under the alpha's orders... that it was almost a form of mind control, that they didn't have free will when it came to obeying him."

The blond vampire nodded immediately. "I'll do that. It may be too late to salvage our friendship with them, but at least we can prevent more lives from being lost."

We all sat quietly, listening, as Carlisle made his series of phone calls. Rosalie and Emmett promised they'd be on the next flight into Anchorage, much to Esme's delight. The phone call to the Denali family was much more somber… Eleazar reluctantly agreed to Carlisle's suggestion that they consider Irina's murder avenged by Edward, but there was coldness in his voice that we could all hear, even through the phone. It was obvious that our relationship with them would not be mended any time soon.

After that call, and reassurances from Alice that the future was still perfectly clear for all of us, we drifted apart. Edward took my hand and guided me down the drive to our cottage; it appeared that the wolves had had no interest in property destruction after all, and everything was just as we'd left it.

Edward built a fire on the hearth as I moved slowly around the room, pausing to let my eyes wander over the family photographs on the bookcase, lingering on Charlie's. Two strong arms wrapped around me from behind and Edward pressed a gentle kiss to the back of my neck. "What are you thinking about, love?"

"Mortality," I said absently. "Just when I was starting to wrap my mind around the idea of us being immortal, I had to realize that we aren't, not really."

A faint shudder ran through him. "Come sit on the couch with me?"

He pulled me tightly into him as we settled down together, and for a long time neither of us spoke, there was no need to. This was time for decompression, for acknowledging and processing the idea that one or both of us could have been killed, immortal love ending up heartbreakingly brief after all.

"I blame myself," he said finally. I immediately started to shake my head but he put a finger on my lips, silently asking me to hear him out. "For not realizing that Jacob wasn't actually connected to the group mind while human, but also for being so completely fixated on him that I didn't hear _three_ other wolves who _were _connected to the group mind coming. They would have killed me and then you immediately afterward, without hesitation."

I gave his fingertip a gentle nip, indicating that I wanted a say too. "First of all, how were you supposed to know about the group mind thing?"

"I should have noticed there were no other voices rattling around in Jacob's skull."

"Edward," I paused, considering my words carefully. "We had no reason to believe that Jacob didn't know the truth. You could hear his thoughts, and for all he knew, what Sam had told him was genuinely what would come to pass. Sam's plotting was just… beyond evil. He had all of us, even his second-in-command, completely fooled. Why are you any more or less responsible for not understanding how far he would go?"

"Because I can _read minds_," he replied roughly. "And if I can't count on that to keep you safe, then what?"

"We can't exclusively_ count_ on any one thing. We can't always _count_ on Alice's visions to be perfect, I couldn't even _count_ on my shield to protect you when you needed it most. We can only depend on each other and the combined strengths we bring to the table."

He took in a shuddering breath against the top of my head and his arms tightened around me. "I can't stand the thought of losing you. I thought the worst was over when you woke up from your change, I thought I would never have to worry again about not having you. Now, though, it's _more_, it's…"

"I understand that now," I said quietly. "I thought I did when I was human, but I didn't, not at all. Edward… there was a moment, in the forest, when some part of me deep down inside opened up and caught a glimpse of what my world would be without you. And there are no words… it was like looking into the abyss of insanity. It wasn't a world, or a life, it was _nothing_. If Sam had…" I stopped for a moment, even the thought made my brain twist in dangerous directions. "If they had killed you, I _know_ I would have just dropped my shield somehow and let them do the same to me. I wouldn't have even tried to fight or kill them, because I would want to make sure they would finish the job."

Edward let out a choked cry at my words and crushed me against him, tearless sobs wracking his body. "I can't… I can't…" he managed, before burying his face in my hair again. I wanted to soothe him, but I realized that the same emotion was tearing me apart, and I could only shiver against him as we both purged the horror of the past two days.

We stayed that way for hours, not moving even after we both fell silent, watching as the fire died out and the embers grew cold. Our arms were locked around each other as though we were trying to merge into one being in a completely physical sense. Night came but neither of us stirred to build the fire back up or turn on any lights: we could see perfectly well in the dark, but there was nothing we _wanted_ to see except each other.

I just breathed Edward in for the longest time, savoring the beautiful scent of him that I was so accustomed to, I'd almost begun to take it for granted. Sun-warmed lilacs and raw honey, one of the first things I'd recognized clearly when my change ended and I opened my eyes to my new life. I could have tracked him from across the world by just closing my eyes and following that scent alone.

His touch on my skin wasn't just a caress, as it had been when I was human. It was identification, a recognition, and reassurance. My own hands felt like a stranger's compared with Edward's on my body.

And, of course, that supernatural heartbeat that connected the two of us. The one that had replaced his human heartbeat decades ago, and mine more recently, waiting for the two of us to truly become mates. That heartbeat was an affirmation; it meant that we were still whole and _us_. I couldn't survive without it now, just as I wouldn't have survived without the flesh-and-blood muscle that pumped unceasingly until the last day of my human life.

Sometime in the night, I brought my hand up and began to gently stroke my fingers through Edward's unruly hair, letting the motion calm both of us. He sighed a little and turned his head to rest his cheek against my hair, but otherwise we didn't move anymore. Just the gentle movement of my fingers in his hair.

A couple of hours before dawn, I'd calmed enough to let my thoughts wander to my shield, and the new power it had manifested. I wasn't sure what had triggered the sudden physical aspect to it; one that I hadn't even realized was there. I didn't like the idea that it could only be used during moments of extreme stress or danger, I wanted to be able to control it better than that. What was the difference between that piece of it and the part that shielded my mind automatically?

It couldn't just be the recognition of danger to my mate, if so it should have been triggered when the wolves were chasing us from the scene of Irina's destruction, or later when we hid in the tree with the pack circling below us. I had a sense that _knowing_ I was seconds away from Edward's death, as opposed to being afraid that it was a very real possibility, was maybe the catalyst… I'd shielded him and protected him because I _had_ to. There weren't any other choices.

At that thought I gasped and stiffened against Edward, his body reacted immediately. "Love?" he queried, his voice panicky.

I turned to him, wanting to share this new realization I'd had, but the moment my eyes met his I realized he wasn't ready. He was still caught in the maelstrom of emotion that had whirled around us all night, still trying to convince himself that I was all right, that our world was secure. When I saw the pain and fear swimming in his beautiful topaz eyes, I immediately put aside thoughts of my shield. They could wait.

"Edward," I whispered, before sitting up on his lap. It wasn't easy, since his arms were still locked around me and he was reluctant to let go. Edward would always be the more obsessive of the two of us, I knew, and it was easier for him to get caught in that spiral of self-doubt and fear. It would be my job to center him, to bring him back to _us_. I caught his face in my hands, forcing him to look at me.

"I should have done a better job," he whispered, his voice haggard. "I was so careless…"

"No… Edward, look at me. I'm here, I'm safe. We're together. Please just let go of it. Come back to me."

He shook his head stubbornly, but there was agony in his eyes, he genuinely believed part of the previous day's events were _his_ fault. "I read minds unconsciously, I have to _work_ to shut the voices out. I hear them whether I want to or not. That I chose to focus solely on Jacob's mind, that I _chose_ to not hear any others…"

"Please?" I begged. "Don't do this. It's over."

"Is it? It could happen again, where my preoccupation could put you in danger. It would have been my fault if anything had happened to you, even the tiniest scratch."

I stared at him, realization slowly dawning across my mind that the night had been very different for Edward. I'd lain in his arms, at first in the panic of our shared delayed reaction, then later reassuring myself with the familiarity of him surrounding me. I'd even come to the point where I was logically reassessing my shield and how I could best manipulate it. Edward, on the other hand, had never come to that point. He'd held me all night, hiding his own terror as he felt mine leave me, and locked himself in his mind with those thoughts. He'd spent hours there alone, and part of him was still there.

In a split second, I wrenched myself free from his arms and was up on my knees, straddling his thighs, wrapping my arms around his head and pulling him fiercely against my chest. Fury at my own ignorance and self-absorption threatened to boil over, but I clenched my teeth and tamped those feelings back down. There was nothing more important right now other than him.

Sobs began to shake his body again. "Bella… please… I can't let anything happen to you. I was so stupid, and I could have lost you…"

I pulled him more tightly against me, desperately searching my mind for the right course of action to take. I had never seen Edward so fragile, so exposed, and it frightened me. This wasn't a state of mind I could tease him out of with sex, or talk him out of with logic. I briefly considered and abandoned the idea of trying to summon Carlisle for help; this was something that Edward needed me and me alone to deal with. He needed me to provide a place where he felt safe enough to trust himself again.

It wasn't a matter of choosing an option, and in an immediate flash I knew exactly what had to be done. Not because we wanted or needed it, but because there was no other choice.

As before I could feel it settling thickly over my mind, and I could feel my shield again, the real solidity of it, I could feel every curve of its existence and structure. We _were_ in a glass bubble, but instead of using it to keep others out, this time I reached out to touch, to grasp, and then to lift it away.

I immediately felt a sense of frightening vulnerability, but instead of trying to ignore it, I acknowledged it. I _was_ vulnerable. But I was safe. And _that _realization made all the difference.

Once upon a time, what seemed like a lifetime ago, Edward had told me that being in my mind was the closest thing he could imagine to heaven, that he could crawl inside my mind and stay there forever. No matter how closely our bodies wrapped together, Edward inside my mind was truly his_ home_, and there was no place in the world he'd rather be.

_I love you I love you I love you I love you…_

A guttural cry tore loose from Edward's body, and as he bent forward to press his forehead against my chest, I felt a sensation that I had never forgotten. I could have lost every single other memory during my change, but the feeling of Edward sinking into my mind was burnt into my body and soul like instinct. Our own instinct.

He didn't even try to speak, just began rocking back and forth with me wrapped in his arms, his head still pressed tight against me. I kissed the top of his head and spoke to him the only way I knew he'd hear me.

_I love you I love you, Edward please don't shut me out, come back to me and stay here with me. I need you, I need us, I need to feel you right now inside my body and out. I'm here, and I'm safe, there will never be a me without you. There's only us, it will always be us. We were meant to be, there's no other way to explain this… all of this. That you were able to wait for me, that our minds were meant to connect like this, that I know your voice and touch better than I know my own. That I could love someone like this… I never knew that I was meant for this. I never knew until I met you, when you first told me that you loved me, I never knew how much of me was missing until then. _

He was listening to me, I could tell as his he slowly stopped rocking and just sat holding me, although tension was still quivering through his body.

_I refuse to believe that something that is meant to be, like us, can just _end_. It's not possible. Think of all the things we've already survived. You fought the most powerful bloodlust you'd ever known to wait for me. I fought death because I knew you wouldn't ever let me go, and I waited for you. And when it came down to it, we protected each other, we protected _us_. Fate kept trying to get in our way, but we never let it. And we never will._

The feeling of Edward in my mind, during the time that I'd been human, had been warm and comfortable and reassuring. The feeling now, though, with my heightened awareness and senses, was nearly indescribable. When I closed my eyes, I could almost see his presence there, curled up around the soul I knew was still inside of me. He was like a watchdog, though… resting and relaxed, but protective and alert at the same time.

I felt his lips curve up slightly against my skin; he liked the comparison.

I let my mind drift unconsciously then, pausing occasionally to address him directly if my train of thought warranted it, but otherwise just ambling from subject to subject as they presented themselves. Edward listened quietly as I wondered when spring actually came to Alaska; the snow didn't bother me now that _cold_ was a non-issue, but I was curious about how long it all took to melt and if there were flowers here when it did. I speculated about what the differences in hunting would be when all the hibernating creatures awoke. Isle Esme crossed my mind again more than once, and I felt his approving hum against my skin. I showed him my memories of my human life, the happiest ones being with him: the first night we made love, the morning I woke up to a living room filled with roses and a judge waiting to make us husband and wife.

We both heard Rosalie and Emmett arrive, and shortly thereafter Rosalie came to drag Jacob's abandoned motorcycle up to her garage, snorting something about the "junkpile." The day went on and Carlisle's Mercedes left and then returned a few hours later. Daylight peaked at midday and then began its slow fade. There was still enough human experience in me to marvel at how we could sit together like this, unmoving for so long, but in the greatest cocoon of contentment imaginable. Now that I had Edward back in my mind, I never wanted to let him go.

He registered my fatigue even before I did and shifted, picking me up and flying up the stairs to our bed. He curled around my body, humming softly to me as exhaustion won the battle over my tenuous hold on my shield, allowing it to slip back into place. I lay almost catatonic for a while, in the closest state to sleep as a vampire could ever get. I wasn't afraid, though, and neither was Edward.

Because now we both knew we were safe.

**xoxoxoxo**

The following weeks weren't magically transformed into perfect ones. Despite Alice's continued clear visions, and Carlisle's constant monitoring of the wolves' presence in La Push and Forks, we were all vigilant for any sign they might return. We were vampires, after all, and self-preservation was second-nature to us.

In the months following, as I found that spring _did_ eventually come to Alaska, we came to realize exactly how much damage had been done to the relationship between our family and the Denali clan. Carlisle had attempted to contact them on several occasions, only to be met with unanswered phone calls and unreturned messages. Alice had seen Tanya and Kate decide to go to La Push on more than one occasion, to avenge their sister's death, only to have it change when Eleazar quietly talked them out of it. The bitterness over our refusal to help them had poisoned the relationship between us, and although we knew it saddened Carlisle most of all, none of us would have made the decision any differently.

We did ultimately decide to stay in the Alaska home for a while, although my control was remarkable for a newborn… as Carlisle and Jasper still occasionally commented… I had my moments of struggling with the bloodlust. Slowly I began to cut down the frequency with which I needed to hunt, and I always tried to be hyperaware of the needs of my body and the temptation of human blood. Edward and I began going into town more frequently to acclimate me even more strongly to the scent and against the instinct to _kill_. One day we ran all the way to Anchorage; the denser population was overwhelming and we only stayed for a short time. But it was progress.

And now that I knew exactly _how_, what to look and feel for, I was able to lift my shield and allow Edward into my mind at will. It was mentally exhausting to me after that first effort, though, fighting my body's natural defensive mechanism, and Edward quickly realized it and never pushed me to open up to him. The realization that I _could_ if need be was reassuring to him, and when I could sense that he needed me in that way, I took the initiative and did it myself. The only thing we weren't able to do yet was make love again with him deep in my mind along with my body… the physical and mental connection was too much for me to process at the same time.

The solid manifestation of my shield had been surprisingly easy to repeat; much like the first time I'd seen my shield after my change, once I knew what to look and feel for, it was easy to practice. Working at strengthening my shield was always easier than trying to lift it away. Trying to penetrate it quickly became one of Emmett's favorite pastimes, and although he was always trying to find a way around or under it, it was remarkably impermeable when I wanted it to be.

Despite our initial longings, Edward and I didn't go to Isle Esme right away. The entire experience with the wolves had been an enormous shock to all of us, including Rosalie and Emmett, who had felt desperately helpless so far away. In the weeks following our brush with disaster, we bonded even more closely as a family, our ties strengthening as we reaffirmed our connection to each other. At the same time, though, we felt uneasy being separated for any extended period of time, and we all mutually decided not to fight what our instincts were telling us. We had eternity to start venturing out alone again, after all.

No, things weren't perfect yet, and the thing that gave me more concern than anything else was Edward. Despite the fact that he had ready access to my mind at any given moment, and that the wolves seemed truly to have kept to their promise this time, I knew that he still blamed himself for our brush with mortality. He never spoke of it aloud, but the seed of guilt was evident in his actions.

The other family members readily hunted without their mates, going out in a mixed group of whoever needed to feed at that moment. Edward never let me hunt without him, though, and he never went without me.

Although we spent time alone with our respective family members within the house… I still enjoyed my quiet time in the garage with Rosalie, after all… I never left the home without him. The first time it was suggested that I go into town with Alice alone, the panic that had bloomed in his eyes was enough to make Jasper wince, and he ended up coming with us.

When we finally started talking again about taking a short trip to Isle Esme, just the two of us, I could see the indecision battling inside of him and dropped the subject for the time being.

In late July, at Carlisle's quiet suggestion, I asked Edward to take me back to our Alaskan meadow, to the place where he'd put my wedding ring back on my finger and we'd made our vows to each other again with only God and nature as our witnesses. It was our first time back since then, and as we burst into the small clearing after a long run, I thought it was a shame that we'd waited. It was a perfect example of rugged Alaskan beauty: delicate-looking flowers poked up determinedly through the hardier grass surrounding them, and the perfectly round meadow was ringed by the forest. It was magical enough to almost make me believe in things like fairy rings… but then again, once upon a time I'd also said that I didn't believe in vampires.

It had been overcast when we'd left the house that morning, but by the time we arrived, the sun was shining pure and strong above us, without a wisp of clouds in the sky. I loved to look at Edward's skin as the diamond facets reflected the sunlight back around us: glinting as he moved, as his mouth lifted in a smile, as he reached for me.

"No matter where we go, we'll have to find _our_ meadow in each of those places," he declared, pulling me to him.

"What about on Isle Esme?" I laughed, pulling his head down to mine. He hummed thoughtfully.

"An underwater cave may have to suffice there, I suppose."

"Swimming!" I exclaimed in one of those rare moments where yet another unique aspect of being a vampire occurred to me. "I guess we can hold our breath forever?"

"I suppose," he murmured, before kissing me deeply. I finally pulled away, my hands still on either side of his face.

"I love you. So very much."

"As I love you."

"I would give my life for you, even though that's no longer necessary or likely."

His smile faltered. "Bella?"

"I want you to talk to me."

"What about?" he said evasively.

"Edward," I said softly, and the last of his smile crumbled away. We hadn't spoken directly about his protective behavior, I had been willing to accommodate his concerns in order to alleviate any lingering anxiety or guilt he was feeling. In truth, I didn't mind Edward wanting to be with me at all times, the feeling was mutual. The difference, as Carlisle had gently pointed out to me this morning, was that Edward seemed to be almost unable to be apart from me, and that his obsession with keeping me safe wasn't easing at all. It wasn't helping either of us to ignore his behavior and pretend all was well when it clearly wasn't.

"I don't know how to talk about this." He turned slightly away from me and raked one hand through his hair, tugging on it in frustration. "I don't know how to change how I feel, and what it makes me do. All I know is that I almost failed you, and I can't ever let that happen again."

I sighed and flung myself down onto the sun-warmed grass, he followed me a split second later and lay on his back, staring up into the depths of the perfect blue sky. I turned my head to look at him, noting the tension creasing his forehead, the tiniest frown on his lips. "You didn't almost fail me," I started, hoping this wouldn't be a fruitless conversation. "Do you think Esme blames Carlisle for one of the wolves attacking her, that she thinks he didn't do enough to prevent it? Of course not."

His jaw clenched a little, but he stayed silent, knowing he couldn't argue with that particular logic.

"And if I remember correctly, the wolves weren't going after me, they were going after _you_. Although I shielded you for a moment, I couldn't hold on to it when you and Sam began fighting. Do you blame me for failing you?"

"Of course not," he said immediately.

I thought for a moment before my next words. "Is this…is it what you would have been like while I was still human, if you hadn't waited?"

"What?"

"You told me that you had _wanted_ to step in, when I was human. You _wanted_ to protect me from anything that could cause me pain, or worry, but you didn't. You realized that you couldn't protect me from the world, that you had to let me experience those things on my own, and just be ready to catch me if I fell. And you did… all while I was still a fragile accident-prone human. You're more obsessed with protecting me now than you were then."

"I don't know that I'm more obsessed," he objected, "It's just that I can actually do something about it now."

"Shouldn't I be the one protecting you still, for a few more months at least?"

He turned his head to me and stared into my eyes without speaking for the longest time. "I don't know how to explain how I feel," he said finally. "When I say I can't stand the thought of anything happening to you… it's not out of concern over what it would do to me. If you were gone, I would be too. There is no _me_ without _you_, Bella. That is fairly simple. But you are everything to me…every single breath belongs to you, my every thought, my every action…my life revolves around you. Around _us_. You were my salvation when I thought I was damned for eternity. You gave me a soul when you gave yourself to me. You've given me so much more than I could even hope to express or give back in return."

I thought about contradicting him, but his words were coming faster now, and I kept silent as months of turmoil began pouring from him.

"From the moment… from that very first moment I _allowed_ myself to realize you were my mate, I was in a state of terror over your well-being. When we finally came together, just being _with_ you eased it somewhat, but the idea that you could be taken away, as quickly and completely as though you'd never existed… it was always there, somewhere in my mind. When Jacob tried to take you to La Push… it was the first time I experienced my worst fears actually coming to life. And then, the night of your accident…" He stopped for a long moment, collecting himself. "I didn't even know for certain that you'd survive long enough for the venom to take effect. Carlisle didn't know for certain. And when he called Alice, she couldn't tell him for certain either. You came so close to being taken away from me again, and I just barely made it in time.

"I will never, _ever_ forget what that was like. Realizing that your next breath, your next heartbeat might be your last, that you would die in my arms because I'd failed you. If I live forever I'll remember the sound of your heart desperately trying to keep beating, trying to hold on, when I could have prevented it all that pain. When you woke up, I allowed myself to think that I wouldn't have to worry about that ever happening again. A few months ago, I discovered I was wrong. And it was my fault."

"Stop," I interrupted fiercely, unable to stay quiet any longer. "Edward, you can't shoulder responsibility in some twisted manner for everything that did or will happen to me. It's not _your_ responsibility to bear! Some of it will be my fault, some of it will be accidental… you aren't solely responsible for keeping me safe!"

"Then who is?"

"Me! You! Our family! I trust you, and I need you to trust me as well!"

He flinched as though I'd slapped him. "I _do_ trust you!"

"If you don't trust me enough to keep myself safe, or to hunt on my own, then no you don't, not really!"

"That's not…" He shut his eyes and took a deep breath. "Of course I trust you to hunt on your own, love. That's not it at all… it's more of a reaction to how terrifying it is for me to not be with you, if you need me."

"I'll always need you, Edward, just not in the way you've convinced yourself." I softened my tone. "Look at Carlisle and Esme, or Jasper and Alice. Even Emmett and Rosalie… they all know that their mate is more than capable of taking care of themselves, but they also know that he or she won't hesitate to ask for help if it's needed. _That_ is what trust is about. You can take care of me by trusting me implicitly; by knowing that if I need help, you will be the first one I turn to."

"I don't think it's so much that I feel like I _have_ to protect you all the time," he said softly. "It's more a feeling of being terrified about what could happen if I _don't_."

I rolled over and kissed him, then snuggled up against him, my head on his chest. "You can't hold the world together on your own, Edward, and you'll drive yourself crazy trying. Accepting that you can't control everything is the first step towards letting go of that burden completely."

"You're not a burden."

"No… I didn't mean it that way. More that you need to let go of whatever is holding you back from truly embracing this, us, our new life. And when you do that, instead of _it_ holding you back, we can make our own gravity. Except we'll hold each other together, not down."

"Gravity," he murmured. "Funny you say that, I hadn't thought about this in a while…"

"What's that?"

"Do you remember… the day the wolves left, and Jacob told me he forgave you and that he understood your actions?"

"Yes."

"It's because the wolves actually have something very similar to a vampire's bond with their mate although…" He frowned a little. "It's not exclusive to mates. But what Jacob told me was that when they find their mate, it's like gravity doesn't hold onto you any longer, _she_ does. That nothing else in the entire world is more important than the two of you. He recognized that in us. And when he did, he finally understood why you made all the decisions you did. I won't go so far as to say he was _happy_ for us, but understanding it was enough for him."

"Huh," I said, puzzling it over. Maybe vampires and wolves had more in common than either of us wanted to admit.

"Don't ask me to ever stop taking care of you, love. I'll try… it'll be like turning around and starting all over again, keeping myself from swooping in to catch you even before you start to fall, but I'll try."

I kissed him again. "I don't mind turning around and starting over, as long as it's always me you're turning back to."

He smiled up at me, a real smile, and the love I saw reflected on his face took my breath away. "It's always been you, Bella. And it always will be you. I'll always only be turning back to you."

**xoxoxoxoxo**

**A/N:**

Gah, only the epilogue left now, and that's half-written already. I'm not sure whether to celebrate or bawl. As always, your thoughts are always appreciated.

Many thanks and hugs and kisses to the lovely gals at the TwiFic Pimps blog for rec'ing IDBiV! You can listen to their awesome podcast here: www . twificpimps . com/2010/09/episode-6-people-make-the-fandom-go-round/ I'm still on Twitter as lazykatevamp, please hit me up for a follow if you're so inclined!

I'll be talking to you again sooner rather than later. And that's a promise.

xoxo,

Kate


	27. Epilogue

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and its characters. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**All original characters, plots, and the storyline contained within this derivative work are the property of Lazykate. This story may not be reproduced or reposted without permission from the author.**

**Epilogue**

_This_ was my idea of a happily ever after. Or at least the beginning of one.

I wriggled my toes, luxuriating in the heat that burned up from the sand, warming my marble skin deliciously. The ocean was as blue as the endless sky above, and there was no sound other than the faint roaring of the surf over a distant coral reef, the hissing of the smaller waves up onto the beach, the gentle wind. It was perfect.

Or almost perfect… I squinted my eyes towards where I'd last seen Edward dive under the water, about ten minutes ago. He was obsessed with the idea of oyster diving in the lagoon until he found me a pearl, and I wasn't going to argue with him. A pearl from my own personal island hideaway would be a wonderful thing to remind me of _this_ when we were away.

_La Bella Isola_… the beautiful island. Edward's surprise gift to me for our fifth wedding anniversary was utterly perfect for us. I'd loved Isle Esme when Edward and I had visited for our first wedding anniversary, but I'd been reluctant to visit again in the ensuing years. It was Carlisle's gift to Esme, after all, and I didn't want to intrude. I'd loved everything about it, though: the isolation, the quiet, the scenery, the _heat_. Edward enjoyed the blissful silence with the absence of others' thoughts, and this gift had truly been a stroke of genius on his part.

**xoxoxoxo**

We'd stayed at the Alaskan home for the past five years, but we knew that the time was drawing near when we'd have to leave. Our unchanging good looks, along with our self-imposed isolation from the rest of the community, were starting to garner more attention than was safe, and we began the plans to move. Esme had designed our new home in Montana from the ground up and had overseen a great deal of the construction personally; it was finished, furnished, and waiting for us to arrive. It had been carefully designed with our unique family in mind, and it was where all the others were now.

I'd been sad to leave our home in Alaska even as I recognized the need for it, but my reasons were selfish ones. Carlisle and Esme had already made plans to have a caretaker open the house up again as a hunting lodge and luxury bed-and-breakfast, to ensure the upkeep in the ensuing years, and I hated the idea of strangers in our home. Not the main house, our cottage.

It was, for all intents and purposes, my and Edward's first home together. It had been renovated especially for us, and had seen so much in our first five years of marriage. I hated the idea of leaving the cozy house behind, with all its memories, but I kept quiet. Being overly sentimental about a building would start to get cumbersome when we were on our fourth or fifth move. The cottage wasn't going anywhere, and we'd eventually be back.

We moved to the new house in Montana in late September. It was absolutely lovely, and each of the couples had an entire suite of rooms to themselves. It was far enough away from civilization to ensure that we had plenty of game to hunt, and Carlisle quickly got a job as a doctor at Bozeman Deaconess Hospital, forty miles away. Edward and I stayed there only a day, though, before he declared that there was no time like the present for me to finally visit Europe. We'd traveled all over South America after our visit to Isle Esme, but we'd never gone to Europe.

We spent a month and a half touring that continent, and I loved every moment of it. We visited all of the usual tourist spots, but Edward took me to places that I would never have found on my own. It was beautiful, and so utterly perfect.

While spending time in Italy, we visited Volterra and Carlisle's old friends there. Although Edward had been reluctant, as they were traditional vampires who preyed on humans, we knew that they would take offense if they learned we'd come so close and not visited. Aro, Marcus, and Caius were the three oldest vampires I'd ever met, and although I didn't dislike them or their guard, I was happy when we left. Of the three, Aro was the only one who was openly welcoming to us. His gift was similar to Edward's, but he could see every thought anyone had ever had with just a touch. He was fascinated with my ability to block him, along with Edward's unique mind-reading ability, and begged us to stay with them for a time. We politely declined and, after a phone call from Alice that evening, opted to leave Italy the next day.

When it was time for us to return home, I was torn between excitement at seeing our family again and sadness at my time alone with Edward coming to an end. Our leisurely trip through Europe had been the longest we'd been apart from the family, and in some ways, it had helped Edward and I get to know each other even better than we already did. It was refreshing only having each other to turn to, and he said that watching me explore Europe was like experiencing it again for the first time. We went where we pleased, fed when we needed to, and made love whenever and wherever we wanted. The independence was exhilarating.

When we arrived at the airport in Madrid, Edward had surprised me by guiding me towards a flight that was most definitely _not_ headed back to the United States. "Santiago?" I'd queried, arching an eyebrow at him.

"For a layover. Do you trust me?"

I'd snorted, it was such a silly question. Of course I did. Which is why I didn't ask any more questions as we traveled halfway across the world, finally landing at Faa'a International Airport in Papeete, Tahiti. There, we loitered in the tiny VIP lounge until the sun had set, and then Edward hailed a cab to the marina.

My curiosity was almost unbearable at that point, but it wasn't until we were settled into a small sleek motorboat with a powerful engine that I finally cracked. "When are you going to tell me?"

My beautiful husband just grinned and shook his head. "I'd rather show than tell."

I deliberately turned away then, my eyes cutting through the dark surrounding us, until I finally caught a faint whiff of vegetation and turned towards it. There was a dark mass off to the right, and Edward carefully steered us around it, curving into a small lagoon and heading directly to a tiny wooden dock peeking out of the dark. Edward guided the boat smoothly up alongside it, cut the engine, and then secured it to the dock before leaping out and extending a hand back for me.

"Welcome, my love, to your island. _La Bella Isola_."

I gaped at him. "My…"

He wrapped his arms tightly around me. "Yours. Although I'm hoping you'll share it with me."

"Edward… it's…"

"Happy anniversary, Isabella Marie Cullen," he whispered, before silencing my sputtering with a long sweet kiss. I melted against him, as I always did, and his hand came up to stroke my cheek when he reluctantly pulled his lips away. "Five years ago today, my beautiful Bella, you agreed to be my wife. You've given me everything I could have ever hoped for and more. You've given me a home in your mind and body; I thought I could provide a home-away-from-home for us."

I smiled up at him and lifted my shield away from my mind; it was quite easy to do now.

_You bought us our own island?_

"I did," he confirmed, before bending to kiss me again. "I've been planning this for some time, actually."

_How long?_

"You'll find out," he murmured against my lips, and our kisses became more frantic until we were tearing each others' clothes off. It was a good thing we were impermeable to splinters, because we never made it off the dock.

When daylight began to streak the sky, I propped myself up on my elbows, my body still snuggled close against his. There were tall palm trees studding the vegetation around us, a thick green boundary which grew right up to the edge of the lagoon. I could see a swath of pale sand outside the edges of the lagoon, and even in the early-morning light, the ocean beyond was a startling shade of teal. Aside from the waves in the distance and a few chirps and squawks of birds awakening in the trees, it was pure silence. It was beautiful.

I felt Edward's eyes on me, and I automatically answered his unspoken question. _This is… it's perfect_.

"I'm glad you think so," he said softly, "But would you believe me if I told you that it gets even better from here?"

_I believe you, but I don't know how it could._

He rolled over and kissed my cheek before springing to his feet. He tugged on his khaki shorts and I yanked my sundress over my head as he reached down to grab the two bags from the boat. We'd grown to enjoy traveling light through Europe. "Follow me, love, but be ready to stop and close your eyes when I tell you to."

I followed him willingly as he stepped off the dock and strode confidently down a small path that disappeared into the thick vegetation, and I couldn't help but wonder if he'd been here already. But when? We hadn't spent more than a day apart for the past few years, I certainly would have noticed if he'd jetted off to French Polynesia without telling me.

We didn't have far to go before Edward turned around, smiled, and then reached for my hand. "Eyes shut, please."

I obliged, and let him guide me forward another few dozen steps or so. The scent of something familiar started tickling my nose, but it was different somehow, in this setting…

I felt Edward bend as he set down our bags, and then his arm was slipping around my waist. "Open your eyes, Bella."

I did, and for the second time in less than a few hours, I was stunned into silence.

It was our cottage, from Alaska. It looked slightly incongruous in this setting but somehow completely appropriate at the same time.

"How did you…" was all I managed, before taking an unconscious step forward.

"I didn't like the idea of leaving it behind, or of anyone else in our home. It wouldn't exactly be practical to dismantle and transport it every time we move for the rest of eternity, so I thought I'd move it to a place that can _always_ be ours."

"You had it _moved_ here?"

"And then reassembled, stone by stone, timber by timber. Go inside, love."

I approached the building almost hesitantly, afraid that this was an illusion too good to be true. But it really was our little cottage; I could still smell the faintest traces of Alaska on it and in it. The sturdy structure, meant to weather endless Alaskan winters, looked just the same as when I'd seen it last, almost two months ago.

My fingers reached out to twist the doorknob I'd touched so many times; the door opened with the same faint squeak, and when the interior was revealed to me, I knew I had to be dreaming.

It was our home.

Every single item was in its proper place, from the family photographs on the bookshelf to Edward's piano in the back. My eyes flew to the top shelf and saw my journal tucked where I always kept it, just behind the framed picture of Charlie and I. It was as though I'd opened a door in the South Pacific only to be transported directly to Alaska. I couldn't even form words now, aloud or in my mind.

I took a few steps forward, the wooden floorboards reassuringly familiar to my bare feet. Everything… everything was there. Everything that Edward and I had put together to make the rough little house a home was in its proper place. It was almost overwhelming.

"Talk to me… please…" I breathed, my eyes still examining every detail.

Edward stepped up behind me and rested his chin on my shoulder, sensing my mood and responding to it automatically. "Everything is the same. I had them make some minor structural modifications to account for the weather here, and to protect the contents from the environment. There's a solar-powered generator out back. One of the cabinets behind the piano has been converted into a refrigerator; we'll have to bring our own blood when we visit. There isn't much in the way of warm-blooded wildlife here. But we can stay here for as long as you like. There are things I'm sure you'd like to take back to Montana when we go, and they left boxes for that."

"They?"

He turned his head and gently pressed his lips against my neck. "Alice and Esme."

My adopted sister and mother, of course they would be the ones to help Edward with something of this scale. "I can't believe they did all this…"

"They both thought it was one of the most romantic gestures they'd ever heard of; believe me when I say they were all too happy to help."

I knew that if I could shed tears, I'd be crying. "You did all this for me?"

"For you, love. Welcome home."

It was amazing, it was impossible, but it was perfect. It was home.

_**xoxoxoxo**_

We didn't leave the house for the entirety of that day or night. After my initial shock wore off, I was overwhelmed with delight at Edward's surprise and insisted that we re-christen every surface we'd ever made love on in the cottage before. He was only too happy to oblige, of course.

When we finally emerged, Edward took me on a tour of our private island. Not even a mile across, it would have been almost perfectly round if not for the deep lagoon that cut into the center. A pale sand beach ringed the entire exterior and the water was as warm as the ocean surrounding Isle Esme, enough to bring our skin _almost_ up to human temperature. And the sun… I couldn't get enough of the sun.

I sat on the sand just where the lip of the lagoon opened and the beach ended, wondering how long we could stay here. Edward and I had hunted to satiation before our flight from Chile, and I was able to go almost as long as Edward without needing to feed now, although I never pushed it. There was plenty of animal blood neatly stored in the refrigerator, and although it wasn't the ideal food source, it was better than having to leave the island in search of prey.

Edward's head finally broke the surface near the center of the lagoon, and then he began swimming in quick, strong strokes towards where I sat, standing up to walk when the water grew shallow enough.

"Did you find one?" I queried, smiling.

"Not yet, but I'll keep looking. The lagoon is even deeper than I realized, I only went down about five hundred feet in the center and it just kept going. The edges curve inward, though, and the deep spot was only about five feet wide."

I shuddered; even being an immortal, the idea of my husband swimming down so far into the center of the world was enough to freak me out a little. "No sharks?"

"No sharks, and all the fish swim in the other direction."

I wrinkled my nose. "Can we hunt fish?"

"We could, but you wouldn't like fish blood. It's utterly revolting."

He flung himself down on the sand next to me and I laughed before we settled into a happy companionable silence. I lifted my shield and felt Edward sink into my mind, a blissful sigh immediately escaped him. "Now I am in heaven, I'm convinced of it."

_How long can we stay here?_

"We can stay as long as you want, come as often as you want… it's ours to do with as we please."

_Do you think the others will come visit us here?_

"At some point in the future, I'm sure they won't turn down an invitation. But this is our long-awaited honeymoon. They aren't going to bother us now."

I smiled. _I thought we honeymooned on Isle Esme?_

Edward shook his head, drops flying from his water-darkened bronze hair. "That was a vacation. This is ours."

_So why La Bella Isola? Why Italian in French Polynesia?_

"I thought it sounded prettier than _La Belle Île_, especially since it utilizes my favorite name in the entire world."

_Le voyage de noces sur La Bella Isola?_

Edward chuckled at my words. When he'd whisked me off on our surprise trip to Europe, I'd tried my best to learn the Romance languages as quickly as possible. I was better at reading and writing them, despite the immersion during our vacation, but I was utterly fascinated with the challenge and thought that maybe I'd found something that could become my area of study. Unfortunately, my vampire-brain was more adept at memorizing and regurgitating correct grammatical structure rather than using the more casual colloquialisms.

_Combien de langues parlez-vous? _I tried again_._

"_Six_."

_Et Carlisle?_

"_Huit ou neuf, y compris le latin_." Edward rolled over onto his stomach. "You sound utterly delicious speaking French to me, love."

_Maybe I've found something I can be good at._

"You are already good at so many things. This will just be another one."

I smiled and laid back, he immediately caught my hand as it reached out to find his, and I shut my eyes. I couldn't possibly be any happier than I was right now.

The past five years had seen fate decide that Edward and I had more than paid our dues, and those years had been happy ones. We had a loving family surrounding us, an endless world waiting for us to explore, and a powerful connection that nothing could sever. Edward had kept his promise and began trying to let go of the overwhelming responsibility of making sure I never saw or experienced any kind of pain, but it had been a long road. With each step he took, though, our relationship only strengthened, and we knew each other exquisitely well. Even Carlisle admitted that we had a bond like those normally only seen in much-older vampires.

Loving Edward didn't involve conscious thought. It was automatic, second nature to me. I couldn't even conceive of _me_ without _him_ because it was impossible such a thing could ever exist. With each lesson, discovery, and reaffirmation, our love became much stronger than I could have ever believed even a year before.

Remnants of my human life still touched us occasionally. Jacob had met and married a girl from Port Angeles last year. We hadn't been invited to the wedding, of course, but Carlisle still kept tabs on the Quileutes' actions and whereabouts. I'd silently wished him all the best and as much happiness as I'd found with Edward.

Renee had been diagnosed with stomach cancer three years earlier, and although it had torn me to pieces, not being able to support my mother at such a time, I'd done what I could. I was able to pay anonymously for the best care available under the guise of a wealthy donor to the hospital. Renee and Phil still lived in Jacksonville, and although I occasionally felt a pang that I was dead to the mother who had loved me in her own way, I knew that it was better this way.

A small stone memorial to the human Bella Swan stood near the cliffs of La Push, a simple marker with my name, the dates of my birth and death, and inscription: _You will never be forgotten_. Every year, on November 19th, Jacob came and left a small bundle of yellow roses there. Yellow, for friendship.

Life, along with time, ticked onward. As quickly as the past five years had gone, I still couldn't conceive of living _hundreds_ of years, although I looked forward to them. I didn't really care where I went, or how, as long as my mate was by my side.

Edward hummed softly beside me, drifting happily on the soft waves of my thoughts. Was it fair, in the cosmic balance of things, for two people to be so incredibly happy?

"Yes," he replied, and there was so much promise in his words, I could feel that supernatural heartbeat between the two of us swell and accelerate in response.

There was _forever_ in everything, in every movement. There was promise when he moved his body to cover my own, with the sand beneath us and the bright blue sky above. There was joy when he kissed every inch of my skin with lips so familiar that I sometimes felt empty when they weren't touching me in some way. And then there was only exquisite pleasure when he entered me. And love. Always love.

Edward inside my mind may have been his idea of heaven, but Edward inside my body was mine. Our connection was never stronger than at that moment, especially since I was now able keep my mind open to him throughout anticipation, penetration, and then ecstasy. There was only one thing I was able to say to him in that moment, and although it never varied, it was as powerful as it had been the very first time.

_I love you I love you I love you…_

If the entirety of the universe could only spiral down to _this_ moment, to this here and now, then I was satisfied, I was complete. The connection of our bodies, though wonderful, was corporeal; the connection of our souls was magic. There was nothing I would truly ever need aside from him.

Because it was more than just Edward and Bella, it was more than anything else I'd tried over the years to imagine. It was greater than everything I'd ever allowed myself to hope for, and something I still only barely allowed myself to believe.

It was _us_. And that was all we would ever need.

**_____________________The End_**

**.**

**.**

**A/N:**

Just the facts first, and then hugs and kisses to follow!

At this time, I don't have any plans to write a sequel to IDBiV. That may change if the right plot creeps into my brain, but I'm not willing to manufacture one just to bring these two back. You guys deserve a lot more than that. IN THE MEANTIME, there are three outtakes already written and several more that will be forthcoming, you can find them by clicking on my profile (up at the top of this page) and then on the _IDBiV, Outtakes, Oneshots_ story link. Please add it to your alerts, as no more chapters will be added on to this story.

If you're interested in keeping up on my other stories, current or future, you can add an Author Alert by checking that little box while leaving a review, or by clicking "Subscribe" on my profile page.

And now my thanks: I can't even begin to adequately express how much your reviews have meant to me. Reviews aren't a _number_ or popularity status symbol to me, each and every one expresses a genuine reaction that my words have elicited in you. I haven't been able to reply to every review lately, BUT each and every review on this epilogue WILL be replied to, so please do de-lurk and let me know you're there. This is my thanks to you, the readers that gave me motivation when I just wanted to chuck it all. You still inspire me every day.

THANK YOU to everyone who encouraged me over the past year as I wrote this, everyone who WC'd, G-Chatted, or PM'd with me. THANK YOU to Stratan who beta'd over half of this story. THANK YOU to everyone who mentioned IDBiV in a podcast, blog post, or public recommendation.

And finally, THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart to Jules (changedbyEdward), Amy (Lolarosa), and Tami (Eyes of Topaz) for being some of the best friends a gal could hope for, and to my fanfic-twin-for-life (although she's truly so much more), Brits23, for more than I should probably spell out here. You guys are the best.

Love and hugs,

Kate


End file.
